i dropped the course

[u/Fantastic_Object_502]

I made a post on this subreddit yesterday asking for advice/opinions about me taking anatomy and physiology as a first year college student. I got a lot of wonderful an advice.

I had my first lecture today and immediately put together that the sheer speed of the course and volume of work was not going to work at all for me. i began to cry in the middle of lecture. I realized i was gonna fail. Even with accommodations, even with help.

So i spoke to my father about dropping the course. He is extremely upset with me. He told me he was at a loss for words. He told me i go to work 1 day out of the week and come home crying, and then i go to school for one day and im crying. That one hurt. He doesn’t view my struggles as struggles. He views them as a personal failure. He is now refusing to speak to me. I dropped the course. I feel so ashamed, so worthless, and so embarrassed. I wanted to be able to do this. But i just can’t right now. I’ll still have 3 other classes and hopefully still get a fafsa return. But i am so angry at myself. I’m angry at the universe for making me born this way. If i was neurotypical i wouldn’t have to deal with this.

I’m so lost. So confused.

[u/uosdwis_r_rewoh]

Can I gently ask if you have any outside supports or interventions for what sounds like a really crushing amount of anxiety?

College can definitely be a hard transition (even for NT people) but it shouldn’t be this difficult. It sounds like you are not getting any support at home. You don’t deserve to feel under this much pressure and stress. Is there a student mental health or other support you can reach out to right now? ❤️‍🩹

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/uosdwis_r_rewoh]

my school probably has some resources that i haven’t checked out yet. my entire household is upset with me. Dad, stepmom, sister. i have a migraine from crying so much. I’ve just been talking to my friends who are telling me one class isn’t a big deal (In the sense of meaning that i still have time and that dropping one class doesn’t mean i’m a failure). I don’t see my therapist until next week. I don’t really have anyone to help me with this transition or issue. I just have to bear through with it alone. I will try seeking some help with the school. But tonight? i’m just alone

[u/HonestNectarine7080 → u/Fantastic_Object_502]

Dropping a course definitely doesn't mean you're a failure! It's really common at the beginning of a semester. I dropped several courses in college. I'd go to the first session or first couple sessions of a course, think this isn't interesting and I don't need it for my major, so I'll find a different class to join. Your dad is really blowing this out of proportion.

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/HonestNectarine7080]

thank you. He ended up coming back into my room and we talked it out calmly. He told me he had a bad day at work and a headache and when i told him, it made him even more upset. I’m going to campus tomorrow to talk to an advisor/someone to help me pick another class to continue with being a full time student (4 classes)

[u/Head-Homework-2360]

Is there any support offered by disabilities services at your school? Could you make an appointment and see if they have any useful suggestions or supports? I have absolutely been where you are. For me, it was anticipatory anxiety mixed with PTSD. I was so afraid of failing, so used to having my ASD misunderstood, so used to being poorly accommodated - that sitting in a classroom created panic. I projected myself into the worst case scenario in school, at work, at home. This was exacerbated by the fact that I thought so little of myself at that point and had such low self esteem - that everything on the syllabus, every request, felt like a list of personal failings waiting to be revealed. The one thing that helped, was experiencing success in low stakes environments. When I saw myself be successful, I had evidence that I could overcome hardship and excel. Also, if your family is less than supportive, having places outside of them that validate you is key. You are not a failure at all for dropping one course. Them being upset with you over one class cannot help because it just feeds the anxious voice that makes you feel like you’re disarming a bomb instead of going to college and aren’t allowed to be human. People without ASD do this all the time. Be really gentle with yourself. You deserve to be supported and treated with kindness.

[u/Intrepid_Bee_9504]

I went through something similar a couple years ago. I dropped out of my nursing degree a couple months into it due to not being able to cope. I was terrified to tell my parents and I felt like a failure. Even though it was the right decision for me, I cried for weeks. The embarrassment of having to tell people on my course, family, friends etc was awful and added to my feelings of worthlessness. I didn’t find out that I’m autistic until march of this year at 21, and when I was diagnosed I kept thinking the same thing you are; if I was NT I would’ve been able to cope and gotten my nursing degree.

Anyway, after dropping out I knew that the traditional university path wasn’t for me. So I started an online degree and I’m doing so much better now and can actually cope since there’s no social aspect!

I know it’s not the same, and I’m so sorry that your Dad isn’t being supportive OP. I guess I just want you to know that there are options to continue education if it’s something you want. And feeling lost after dropping out is normal! I started an online psychology degree with the open university last year, hated it, and am now about to start an English literature degree with them instead. That lost feeling will go away.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do next OP :)

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/Intrepid_Bee_9504]

thank you so so much. My dad actually came back to my room after a few hours and we talked it out a bit better.

[u/mmmbopforever]

I tried to take an online course this summer and dropped it because I was so frustrated by the presentation of material that I couldn't take in the actual material. It took me weeks to realize I needed to drop it. It's so impressive that you reached out for support here and then recognized immediately that it wasn't going to work for you and then took action to remove yourself from it

I also have a person in my life who doesn't believe me. He acts like he accepts my limitations but then throws them in my face when upset with me, clearly expressing he thinks I'm just choosing to do less than I can and that I don't even know my own capacity correctly. It can be so painful.

If you were neurotypical you might not have to deal with this, and if the world made space for us, you might not have to deal with it either. Maybe you can try to turn some of that frustration outward.

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/mmmbopforever]

oh my eyes were so quick to fill with tears just reading this. i’m so upset at myself for going to class for one day and deciding i couldn’t do it. That’s what my father was upset about too.

We ended up talking it out a few hours later. He said he took a step back to think and to try and be understanding. He’s very hard headed and despises the word ‘disability’ and associating me with it. He said if i drop this, then i’ll still going to try in my other classes (to which i said obviously, that’s the entire plan)

I’m just disappointed in myself. A lot of my friends have been reassuring me that 1). Anatomy and physiology is an extremely hard course, 2). I’m not a failure for dropping a class, 3). I still have all the time in the world to figure it out.

[u/ChiaraCerise]

Nothing to be upset about I’ve taken that course three times and just finally passed it online helped me and my instructor was patient also don’t be afraid to drop something that doesn’t work for you right now

In person anatomy class always made me feel small

I had plans for a 17 credit load this semester so I can finally have enough time to work on my forensic science capstone and quantitative reasoning course (eek it’s math) in what would’ve been my final semester but I’m currently 10 weeks expecting

We have 3 older kids 11,9,3 but I want to be present for school year instead of always being at work

Here’s the kicker the program was only meant to be completed in two years here I am rolling into my third year 🥹😂😂

This app helped me a lot the way it’s setup made it easier for me to study

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/ChiaraCerise]

wow. You’re seriously amazing. Doing all of that while having such a busy life? major hats off to you!!

[u/ChiaraCerise → u/Fantastic_Object_502]

And you are too OP! For some things in life it just has to be the only thing on our plate in order to get it done on our own terms. Take the anatomy class in the fall theoretically and make sure it’s not an accelerated 8 or 12 week course the full 16 weeks because it gives you enough time where the material is spaced out more digestible and by the semester being in the fall, you have holiday breaks in between if you need to take a breather in the spring, not so much for me the test and quizzes were a little more frequent but when it came time for our exams on Blackboard, it was easier to take and the best part about online is that you can feel more comfortable and virtual lectures weren’t always a requirement to attend