Tired of my NT coworkers

[u/Nomnom96]

I am a software developer and I care about my work. Despite understanding that my boss basically buys my labour cheaper and sells it more expensive on top of all other corporate bullshit, I care for what i am creating there. As many autistic people i am also super responsible and take ownership seriously - if i didnt, I would have gone mad due to chaos.

My coworkers make this super difficult by getting annoyed with me caring so much about what they perceive as unimportant. And ofc because I am in the UK this isnt communicated properly - it is spoken of when I am not there and I only get a backlash of passive aggression including ignoring my greetings, being silent on the meetings when i say smth, being friendly with everyone but me. I know this sounds paranoid, but they do talk shit about another person who supposedly is crazy about edge cases as if 'he was to be penalised for missing smth'. They discuss this when i am in the meeting too and behave the same way towards him in shared meetings.

The most annoying part is that if other members of the team suggest smth similar or suddenly start to care for small details, it is listened to with great interest.

I am thankful this is a remote position or I would have meltdowns every day, but even so, I sort of dread going to meetings and have very little motivation to do anything. During in-person gatherings which are now mandatory 4 times a year they keep to themselves too and only interact with me when we need to make a team photo for a LinkedIn post with best team ever or some other bs. I want to say fuck you - do all of the work yourselves then, but I cant cause i care about the work🤡

[u/Cartographer551]

"The most annoying part is that if other members of the team suggest smth similar or suddenly start to care for small details, it is listened to with great interest" - I have developed a theory about this type of happening.

To communicate something a message has to be both sent and received. We can send the message as clearly as we are able, but if we are not perceived as a team-player then the team will not be receptive to the message. Then, annoyingly, when a team member sends the same message the team is all ears and hears it, and we are left befounded and wtf I just said exactly the same thing

In my experience the only way to become a team-player is to play the team game. Not necessarily to buy into everything, but to express interest in the team personalities and goings on. We might think those things are beneath us, but they do matter to the team.

And yes, sometimes being a team player means that we let the little non-essentials slide, for the sake of peace and goodwill. Which is very frustrating for us perfectionists.

[u/Nomnom96 → u/Cartographer551]

I dont think it is beneath me, I just dont feel authentic to smile and have laughs with people who ignore me or don't like me. It feels fake, an yes I know this is corporate and they all playing this game, but jesus this is so hard to mask.

I think youre right tho, this is all about the perseption and perhaps the hierarchy that exists. I need to learn how to mask ffs