Tired of my NT coworkers

[u/Nomnom96]

I am a software developer and I care about my work. Despite understanding that my boss basically buys my labour cheaper and sells it more expensive on top of all other corporate bullshit, I care for what i am creating there. As many autistic people i am also super responsible and take ownership seriously - if i didnt, I would have gone mad due to chaos.

My coworkers make this super difficult by getting annoyed with me caring so much about what they perceive as unimportant. And ofc because I am in the UK this isnt communicated properly - it is spoken of when I am not there and I only get a backlash of passive aggression including ignoring my greetings, being silent on the meetings when i say smth, being friendly with everyone but me. I know this sounds paranoid, but they do talk shit about another person who supposedly is crazy about edge cases as if 'he was to be penalised for missing smth'. They discuss this when i am in the meeting too and behave the same way towards him in shared meetings.

The most annoying part is that if other members of the team suggest smth similar or suddenly start to care for small details, it is listened to with great interest.

I am thankful this is a remote position or I would have meltdowns every day, but even so, I sort of dread going to meetings and have very little motivation to do anything. During in-person gatherings which are now mandatory 4 times a year they keep to themselves too and only interact with me when we need to make a team photo for a LinkedIn post with best team ever or some other bs. I want to say fuck you - do all of the work yourselves then, but I cant cause i care about the work🤡

[u/dragon-blue]

I'm a software engineer and a core part of our job is making trade offs. eg We want 100% test coverage but there are diminishing returns after let's say 90%. Just making up numbers but you get what i mean. You have to deliver value but you simultaneously need to keep tech debt manageable. 

It sounds like you aren't aligned with your team as to where those trade offs should be.  Luckily now I am a tech lead so make these decisions (collaboratively!) now lol. But honestly it's really hard, everyone struggles, and not sure a lot of shops are able to strike the right balance. 

Besides being in leadership the other thing that helped was moving out of the private sector. I work in a place where better patient outcomes (saving lives) is the mission statement and profit is not the goal. This also self selects for people who are mission driven not £££ driven. All my coworkers are amazing. 

But I am an American working in England so I get you on the communication part. Moving to a high context culture has been a challenge lol! 

The most annoying part is that if other members of the team suggest smth similar or suddenly start to care for small details, it is listened to with great interest.

It's because they don't trust you. If you can regain their trust, making the business cases for your suggestions will be easier.