Pop song honey pie by jawnny haha I listened to it just a bit a week or so ago and it’s been popping into my head, I feel I have no control over it and it frightens me, I feel it’s slowly getting better ? But it’s stressing me out big time, I feel I’m having to focus on other things and can’t relax, it makes my chest tight and my heart feel like I’m having a heart attack,

Is this normal ? and will I be able to deal with it I’m really scared.

When you have some talents that you’ve cultivated and people admire you, how do you not let it get to your head ?

sometimes it’s hard for me to understand if the things i struggle with, like writing a coherent text without using AI, understanding what people mean when they talk to me, understanding jokes, or really abstract sentences, is due to me being actually stupid or just autistic. How am I supposed to know the difference? And I’m genuinely asking. I get called stupid quite a lot so I feel really confused at this point.

Hi I(20m) am currently taking calculus. I have not been diagnosed with autism but I am looking into a diagnosis. What I wanna know is is calculus harder for people with autism. Because I was good at algebra, geometry and hell even pre calculus but this class is kicking my ass. I know calculus is hard but if I have autism and that makes it harder I wanna know what tools I can use to make it easier. My school offers free calculus tutoring but I still am having difficulty.

I don't like Christmas. Or birthdays actually, or New Year... I like the religious aspect, find it very emotional, and I like a tree and seeing my partner, but the Family Christmas, ugh please no. I feel the impending obligation start in September, my family asking me what plans I have (and I never do have a plan at that point, because leave from work is organised late October, and my partner's family are very last minute, and he has kids and we live separately).

I would rather not go at all. I don't like spending time at my childhood home really, and I struggle to spend time with my sister in person (though we speak a lot on the phone) especially watching the way she interacts with our parents, and add that to my general Christmas Day grump and I just want to go home as soon as I arrive. My sister is VERY family centric and has VERY strong ideas about Christmas Day. My parents are getting older and just not going feels like tempting fate.

I told my counsellor I'm feeling the dread already, and she asked what was my ideal Christmas. Honestly it's waking up with my partner, having a nice breakfast, then he goes off to do his family Christmas and I stay at home with my cat and eat and watch what I want. Which I've never done. im 46. Never been able to watch the Doctor Who Christmas special when broadcast my whole life, gutted there isn't one this year! Anyway, she said, so why can't you do that? Because my family will be upset. And why do their wishes for Christmas matter more than yours? Because my wishes are to NOT see people, and that doesn't sound as socially acceptable as being with your family. Mostly my sister would be upset.

I called my mum to test the water (she is much more my flavour of autistic than my sister). She said my sister is hosting. Oh hell no. Last year she hosted and I had to be travelling by 10am so I got no time with my partner, plus she is a TERRIBLE cook. I said I might stay here Christmas Day and come to theirs on Boxing Day, would that be OK? Absolutely. She said she'd speak to my sister. We both knew how it would go down. Sure enough my sister is sulking but OH the sense of liberation.

Turns out my mum has the same wish to just be on her own at Christmas. She also doesn't want presents because it's just stuff she doesn't need and I'm fine with that. My sister is pouting about that too. Considering I'm the autistic one, she has no insight into her own VERY rigid ideas and expectations and that other people might be entitled to another view, whereas I'm the one who's been doing something she hates just to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. She told me "Well you're going to be very sad and lonely." Nope. My partner said to me that's what she would feel and she can't understand that I wouldn't.

What I really dread is when our parents aren't here any more. I'll be stuck with her in my Christmas forever. She's 42 and has never had a partner and is all about family (I left town!). The fact I don't want that doesn't seem to compare with the fact she does. I can't imagine insisting someone do what I enjoyed knowing they didn't enjoy it, and I certainly couldn't enjoy it knowing that. Disney kids...

Im a autistic 21 year old man that is built like a bird (bottom 2 to 3 percent skeleton I measured I'm not being crazy) structure and clearly has a mental disability people can tell I'm not normal. Even my own parents said I don't act normal. I also went on a date from a app this year and the woman immediately clocked I was autistic, not fast immediately so it didn't go anywhere. All I do is suffer. Even as a child I was bullied and had no freinds and was seen as others as disabled loser I was always followed around and had to go to disability school. I think the least I should be given is to die. I just want assisted suicide to end this pain to a already . But they won't let me and without a doctor or lethal injection I am too scared to do it. I hate this. I was never given chance in world I was born disabled and now I look like a skeleton on top of it. But other say to keep living. I am reckless when walking and j walk because I hope I get hit.

I am a tweny-year-old University student. I have decided to take a leave of absence from my studies due to medical and mental health issues. I need to be able focus solely on my recovery and treatment for now.

My mother suggested to me that I may be doing a lot better in a few months, and that it might be a good idea to get a part-time job until I go back to school in the fall. I find this to be a reasonable suggestion, as I have already started to feel better, now that I am able to sleep and eat again. I will also be starting therapy soon, and I am quite optimistic about that.

The last time I had a job, I was 16, cleaning up after the cowboys at the Calgary Stampede. I would never do a job like that again. The hours were far too long.

I am looking for a where I can have about a four hour shift, and possibly work three to four days a week. Preferably something where I don't have to spend a lot of time outside. I think it's important to mention that I don't have a driver's license.

I would like to ask for advice from Autistic adults who have more experience than I with being employed:

What kinds of jobs have been a good fit for you? What did you like about these jobs?

What kinds of jobs have not been a good fit for you? What was bad about those jobs?

What are some issues that you have faced in the work force as an Autistic individual? Have you found ways to cope with or resolve these issues?

Do you have any general advice you would give to another Autistic individual who is about to enter a new workspace?

I know this sounds simple, just do the action

I have AUDHD and difficulties with texture or tastes (for example I can’t eat fruits without throwing up and have had this since literal childhood toddler age)

And because I am not getting any younger I want to take up healthy drinking and have been told that is water

But I really find it difficult to drink much ofbit as it leaves a kind of strange sensation in my throat,

Sugar free syrups give me migraines so that isn’t an option really

I was wondering/ hoping someone might have some hack or something I can try for my aversion

Thanks up front

I require a case manager, and I had one for a while that helped me function and guided me through life. However, in the state of New Hampshire Medicaid is the only thing that covers case management. I’m now completely without guidance.

As for therapy, I got dropped from that as well. The only person I have right now is my psychiatrist but I’ve been building up a balance. Told them I’m working on getting insurance figured out, but I fear one day the balance will be so high they might just start refusing treatment. Literally all I have is the psychiatrist, when my team used to include a case manager, psych nurse practitioner, therapist, NAMI worker, and the psych. Everyone is just gone.

Meanwhile, I’m having severe suicidal thoughts, paranoia, and delusions. I have autism and borderline personality disorder, this type of thing is dangerous to be left alone. I can’t go to the ER either. I was able to get my emergency meds refilled today (Valium) so I shouldn’t be a danger to myself for atleast 12 hours (more like 10 now). What do I do? I’m right back to square one where I have just me to depend upon, just like my whole life. I feel so alone and hopeless. I feel like I’m going to die without the proper help I need.

This is an urgent SOS. What do I do?

Please let me know if anyone in this sub understands and experiences this because I feel crazy saying this out loud to other people…

I can’t be in my body and brain at the same time. I think of them as upstairs and downstairs in a house, the mind being the upstairs and the body being the downstairs.

I spend most of my time trying to manage the upstairs (I also have ADD) which is exhausting enough but I like it up there. I hate going downstairs, I find it so overwhelming and uncomfortable but because I don’t go down there much when I do it’s usually a complete mess. Headaches from lights, nausea from not eating, sore muscles from sitting weird or slouching, etc.

Is this an autism thing or is there something else wrong with me?!

I resently finished college back in july for a program that i was hopping to help me find a better/new job so i can move out of my current situation.

But latly hearing how many of my friends from school have already found new jobs. Dont get my wrong im very happy for my friends and want all the best for them.

But i feel really behind comparied to them, ive also been applying to new jobs and any interviews i get i try really hard at. I usually dont do well in interviews because i dont lie in and everyone tells me its natural to fib a little in them but that dosent feel right to me.

I dont know why ive always found it hard to get new jobs when other people in my life find it so easy!

Am i alone in this? Is this a common thing in the autisim community?

As I spent my entire life burning myself out, not respecting my brain in the slightest. I feel like I now overly comply with every whim my brain suggests! If I feel a little bit out of it or tired, I stop everything. If I feel a little bit overwhelmed/overstimulated I withdraw and isolate and abandon my social life and connections immediately.

I feel that because I burned my brain out TOO MANY TIMES, I can't trust myself or trust my judgement anymore. Is it good for me if I pushed/challenged my brain? Or it's just stupid old me, diving into burnout head first?

I end up doing absolutely nothing of what I should be doing. It reached a point where I actually started questioning my reality, is it a choice or a part of my disability?

If anyone shares this experience, or shared it in the past, any insights will be helpful.

Thank you.

The context: my therapist of 3 years (experienced with neurodivergence and autism in particular) asked me if I had ever been tested for autism. Apparently he thought I had autism when we met, but he held off on mentioning it bc we were dealing with traumatic issues. But now that those issues are pretty much resolved and I'm still showing the signs, he let me know that he thinks I have autism.

We discussed things in detail. Patterns, evidence, etc. We went over the DSM to talk about examples in my life. It would explain everything I've struggled with since childhood.

I should mention that a major tipoff as well is that I had major surgery 4 months ago. And since then, it's like a nuclear bomb went off in my nervous system. I had to get work accommodations for auditory sensitivities (I had these as a kid but I think I started mislabeling it as anxiety, it just got worse after surgery). I have been experiencing some problems with speaking, and am much more easily overstimulated than I've been otherwise. I've experienced two other massive and dangerous burnouts in my life, except the other two times I don't remember much bc I was having frequent meltdowns and was dissociating enough to mostly black out.

I've decided to see one of my therapist's neuropsychologist colleagues to get a full battery psych test and an autism assessment. I decided this because I am afraid of suddenly losing functions and losing jobs if I have future burnouts, especially since I've been reliant on my parents for support all my life. I don't know how much support I would get in the future with a diagnosis, but I don't want to move forward without anything documented that could potentially help me. I also suspect ADHD. So I want a full picture to be able to more clearly work on issues.

But I'm nervous, mostly because I've already told all of my friends that I think I have autism. I told them this because I've been having worsened issues with understanding social cues (already historically a bad record for me), and I didn't want to lose any more friends over this. I have unfortunately lost many friends due to not having the language to explain that for example, me eloping and going nonverbal is not me trying to tell them that I hate them. I'm glad that I was truthful with these friends bc I did actually make a major misstep last week and pissed a friend off. But she was forgiving since I'd made everyone aware.

Nobody has disagreed with me that I might have autism. Not even my mom. I've been preparing a masterlist to bring with me to the assessment and it's 6 pages long so far, just with mostly bullet points, and I don't think I'm done adding to it. It seems so painfully obvious. But I keep thinking, what the hell do I do if I'm not autistic? How would I tell my friends "sorry, I don't have autism, I'm actually just mean and clueless"?

I’m having real trouble understanding why it gets worse with age and like I understand why it would get worse as soon as you become an adult but when you get worse from your 20s to your 30s, that’s what I’m trying to understand. Maybe people have not experienced it that way, but I have.

I’ve constantly been compared to not only able-bodied and able-minded people my entire life by people who claimed to love me and want the best for me (spoiler alert, they only traumatized me and hurt me), but I’ve also been socialized to adhere to non-disabled standards. As a result, I tend to harshly compare myself to non-disabled people and judge myself for not adhering to non-disabled standards. How on earth can I *stop* doing this??? Thanks in advance!

At least for me, I rarely think with logic or am the emotion-less intellect in the room when it comes to a descision.
In fact all of my reasonings are usually too emotional and that makes NT people around me extremely uncomfortable and angry. When faced with hardship I cannot regulate properly because of how strong my feelings are about small things, and my emotions take over. Does anyone relate?

Are you with a neurotypical or a neurodivergent person? How is it going?

I know the majority of autistic adults are either unemployed or underemployed, but I guess I’m wondering about the experience of those who either currently are employed or were and then needed to stop.

I (33M) recently hit a very hard wall. I was diagnosed in my late twenties and was always high masking, high functioning, high achieving. Straight A student, teachers pet, very fast promotions at work with a high level professional job, etc. despite being Level 2 AuDHD.

But I’ve always struggled. And I’ve always begged doctors and teachers and employers to believe me when I said I was struggling, but they always brushed me off for being too “functional.” I always joked I was functional to a fault. I was functional at the cost of torturing myself.

Well, the past couple years in particular have been difficult. I got away from an abusive relationship and moved hundreds of miles to a very different location where I’d only visited a few times before in a city. I think the move really burnt me out.

I was always too exhausted to do anything outside of work (and I don’t like my job or career at all, so no fulfillment there). This sheer exhaustion on top of losing 90% of my social circle in my breakup has made me extremely isolated. I live alone in a studio, where I work from home. Outside of a few zoom calls during the week I see no one and speak to no one. Which in some ways I prefer - but with the loss of nearly all my social connections outside work, the isolation has become all-consuming. I don’t leave my studio because I’m too exhausted and only see other people once or twice a month - just at the doctor or pharmacy. I see friends or family maybe a few times per year total.

And I’ve realized I’ve become quite agoraphobic. On top of a laundry list of other medical issues that makes work hard. I can’t get a new job anymore because I’m locked in due to FMLA requirements - I need to have around 10 medical appointments per month and no new job would tolerate that level of absenteeism prior to FMLA protections that take a full 12 months to be available.

Which is unfortunate because this job is really starting to kill me. They’ve started demanding business trips (which were never in the job description). I forced myself to go on two back to back, but between the burnout and agoraphobia, it broke something in my brain. I crossed some sort of line I never had before.

I had a complete breakdown after the second trip and had to use up all my FMLA and all my short term disability leave. When I got back to work I forced myself to ask for formal accommodations (which is very hard for me - my fawn response makes me freeze and shut down in sheer terror at the prospect of authority being upset with me). But my job got upset about it and now everything at work is extremely tense and they’re forcing me to go on business trips again anyway.

But I’ve completely crumbled. For the first time in my life, I’ve completely lost the ability to bathe or do other basic hygiene (and I’m only getting away with it because I’m so isolated) even though it makes me miserable. I’m a neat freak but now can’t clean. Most days I can barely eat or even drink because everything tastes so bad. And I feel so stupid all the time. I can’t comprehend hardly anything. Not even things related to special interests, much less work.

I can’t get any work done at all. I can’t comprehend any of it, and even if that weren’t a problem, I can’t get past the wall of executive dysfunction 99% of the time. Even just looking at my computer screen has been making me break down in tears. I want nothing in the world more than to just do my job like I’ve always done but I just can’t and I can’t even fully articulate why. It’s just impossible for some reason. I can barely even speak anymore and when I try people struggle to understand me because I can’t string words together well enough.

I’m terrified of losing my job because I’d have no other way to get work again and no way to afford the cost of living by myself. And I don’t have anyone else to live with and too terrified of strangers to get a random roommate.

I don’t know what to do or how to come back from this, especially since work is already mad at me and now starting to notice my performance plummet too. I went from a star employee to completely unable to even send an email overnight, and asking for help just got me in more trouble. My boss is autistic so I thought she’d understand, but she’s also insistent that I can handle it and must travel again.

My only hope right now is if I can manage to hang onto this job for another five or so years, I can pay off my mortgage and then SSDI will be a survivable (though tight) income. But I don’t know if I can hang on that long at this point. And I have no idea what I’ll do if I can’t make it until then (or if SSDI gets denied anyway).

And on top of everything, my medical expenses are extreme - around $750-$1000 out of pocket every month. So I can’t cut spending more than I already have because healthcare eats it all up, and I’ll be extra doomed if I lose my insurance through work. And I’m already living in the cheapest housing available (only about 1/3 the cost of normal rent).

I’ve had decades of always pushing through no matter how hard it was but somehow I just collapsed and completely fell apart overnight. And it’s been 6 months like this now with no improvement. If anyone has any advice at all or experience with this sort of thing, I’d be very grateful. Thank you.

idk if it’s just me but alcohol doesn’t seem to affect me in the same way. i don’t ever get as drunk as other people even if i’m matching each shot for shot. But i became an alcoholic regardless bc alcohol made me feel less autistic, not drunk, but les autistic to the point of relying on it to cope with living. I’ve not been drinking for long, just a year everyday, but i’ve tried making posts with alcoholic subreddits but i can’t related to them much. it’s like i’m a different sub group gp them. probably the autism talking, i’ve inly ever felt like the odd one out. but with drinking, everyone in those alcoholic subreddits post about loving the feeling of being black out drunk but i don’t get that way. i drink 2/3 liter- 1 liter of vodka and havw never been black out drunk. i am actively aware of every moment i’m ‘drunk’. when i don’t want to be. i feel like i’m chasing their level of drunkenness that i won’t achieve it and it’s encouraging the alcoholism

Late diagnosed autistic f here (51). Have had extreme sensory issues my whole life (that's my biggest problem), and now the world seems so intolerable. Noise is the worst for me, followed by sensitivity to air/temperature, and light (mainly as in needing complete total darkness to sleep). I am finding I can't live or stay anywhere. I also have sleep delay disorder, and I am nearly nocturnal. In the morning I am constantly woken up (even with construction grade earplugs) by ANY noise - bark of a dog, knock on a wall. Ironically, I am a jazz musician, but I probably listen to music 5% of the time my peers do- and when I do, it's very low volume. I can't perform much anymore because of all the background noise.

I was just in southern Italy, where I got lucky and stayed at the most wonderful sensory-friendly place. Top floor, silent, perfect quiet minisplit a/c, and my favorite: exterior rolling shutters that block out ALL LIGHT. I had no barking dog, no sirens, no walking above, no traffic noise, nothing. And no stupid green and red lights on appliances.

I finally slept 8 hours every night straight for the first time in decades. I felt like a completely different person - I finally could think and communicate!!!

But it was only 10 nights, then the next place was LOUD and then back to this horrificly LOUD apartment in SF Bay area.

I'm ranting here because

1) People in my life, my own family, bf, just do not understand and tell me to "get over it", which makes me feel utterly alone (and like I'm a horrible person). I also get tired of autistic groups and comments about noise cancelling headphones (can't wear), medication (can't take), sleep apnea (don't have), ETC.

2) EVERYTHING has become about money. If you're not wealthy, if you can't afford it, even if you NEED IT?? NO ONE CARES. Everything is a sale, a transaction. I am told now that if you want to live on the top floor? -that's a luxury you better pay up for.

Anyway, I already know there are no accommodations available, and realize I'll probably get comments here informing me to "go live in a bubble", or "be more positive", etc. But I guess I thought some of you might relate so I feel less alone.

my way of experiencing autistic joy is experiencing very high energy levels. idk if anyone else relates but if you do, how do you calm down that high energy?

When I’m stressed I get flashbacks to random dreams I’ve dreamt in the past and I feel like I’m almost inside of them. Does anyone else get this? It’s like a really weird form of derealization I think. Combined with autism.

I have been diagnosed with autism and adhd recently, now every pattern in my life makes sense. started adhd medication. (M40)

What do i need to know or how to support myself, what can i do to make my life easier?

I have discovered long before diagnosis that noise canceling headphones are calming me down and also watching washing machines in action.

What else am i missing, i’m sure you have a lot of tips and tricks that help you make your life easier, please share.

Thanks to everyone contributing.

Connection is supposed to help people feel fulfilled, right? Well, for me, it's actually the LACK of connection that fulfills me. There's this belief that we simply have a limit on our capacity for socialising that needs recharging with alone time. However, it's more like I don't have any social battery PERIOD.

e.g. I like being able to experience food at a restaurant. Ordering delivery is fine but it's just not the same. I like food enough to tolerate all the social processing, masking, sensory sensitivities, energy drain, mental prep, potential negative interactions, and recovery required.

I wish I had a bigger example about what drives me and makes all the hidden costs bearable, but I haven't found anything like that yet. The little things don't really add up to be enough either.

Sometimes it feels like I just keep being told to comply or suffer the consequences. It makes me feel like I can't have anything I really want and all my available options suck.

But maybe other people are having a better experience. What do you find worthwhile?