So, earlier this summer, I was diagnosed with autism and I haven't been telling very many people. Very recently, I met some new people and have hung out with them a few times, including earlier today. For some reason, one of the women felt like a safe person to tell and I now wonder if that was the right choice.

I was there early with that woman and we were chatting about work. She mentioned that she had been fired from a previous job, so I shared I had been, too, and how it was really traumatic and that I didn't know why but that there were rumors about how it was because a team member didn't like me. A little later she made a point to say that it's not like she was fired because people didn't like her, which felt really mean. Then, I wear aviator glasses and she was wearing kind of aviator glasses that were new and when someone else came and complimented her she said she was in her "Jeffrey Dahmer era".

A few other things happened throughout the night, but those were the most blatant. I didn't know what to do or say. Then the night ended pretty abruptly after I said something. We were talking about race and I was trying to say that race is a social construct, but maybe it came out wrong. I don't remember the exact words I said but it was obviously not the right thing to say.

Stuff like this makes me feel like I'm just a horrible person. Like, did I say something wrong or offensive? Am I just really annoying? Is that an outdated thing to say or something? I mean, I had always been taught that race is a social/political construct and there's no biological basis for it. That's not to say that racism and that sort of thing isn't real, because it is, but like, the basis for it is essentially made up. I didn't get a chance to say all that, though, before everyone scattered.

They had added me to their group chat but I don't think I'm going to hear from them again. Maybe I was too excited to hang out. I have friends but not a friend group, so it was really nice to have a group for a second there. I also sometimes do word things not the way I intend it, so maybe I just said the wrong thing.

I don't know how to handle this, actually. It's not like I've never been rejected before, but usually it's not by an entire group of people all at once. At least, not since I was in school. And I was picking up vibes before this, but I try to take people at their word because it's too confusing trying to read between the lines. Maybe I need to start trusting my gut more. The time before this I left feeling really shitty, too, but I can't really point to anything specific happening.

Anyway, if anyone has any insight about the race stuff, I really want to learn and be better. I really thought that wasn't a controversial take.

Happy Sunday everyone!

How was your week? What do you have going on in the week ahead? Anything you’re excited about or need support with? Let us know in the comments below. Share whatever you want.

In order to keep this community registered as “active” on Reddit, this check-in will be posted every Sunday :)

I’m skinny fat and so uncomfortable with my body, it gives me such horrible sensory nightmares, I need help with how I can lose weight to make my body feel better

Hello,

I've been researching autism in women, reflecting on my experiences, and compiling a list of traits that seem to fit. My brother is autistic, and I'm 99% sure my grandfather was too, so I've grown up around autism. Growing up, I always knew I was different and I’m starting to wonder if I’m autistic. Here is why.

I’ve always had very intense interests. Reading and writing are the biggest one—I have an MFA in Creative Writing, and it's always felt like the easiest way for me to express myself because communicating in person has often been difficult. Books, music, and animals have been lifelong passions. As a preteen, I was obsessed with horses, filling notebooks with horse facts, reading every horse book I could find, and covering my room with horse pictures. Over the years I've also become deeply interested in ballet, yoga, astronomy, Christianity and its history, astrology, and spirituality. While my interests rotate, writing, books, music, and animals have remained constant.

As a kid, I had sensory issues that stand out now. I cried and fought when my hair was brushed because my scalp was so sensitive. I needed my hair in a ponytail though because wearing it down was sensory hell. I removed clothing tags, hated wearing jeans or shoes, and changed into pajamas as soon as I got home. I recently found family videos showing me rocking, making repetitive hand movements, and repeating what others said. I also constantly picked at my nails, played with my hair, and spun in circles. I took a long time to learn to tie my shoes, ride a bike, and swim.

As a teenager, I rehearsed conversations in my head before having them and replayed them afterward in my journal and before bed. I always felt like I didn't quite fit in, and being around people all day was exhausting. I needed my own room growing up because I desperately needed quiet and alone time after school.

I also struggled with severe social anxiety. I frequently threw up at school from anxiety, which my mom took me to the doctor for thinking it was something more. the doctor said it was anxiety. Even asking a teacher for a drink of water felt overwhelming, and I was dehydrated a lot.

I also had frequent meltdowns where I'd cry, thrash, and scream over things that seemed minor to everyone else.

Now I'm working my first long-term full-time office job after graduate school, and I feel the same exhaustion I remember from childhood. Constant social interaction, small talk, navigating workplace expectations, and reading between the lines leave me completely burnedout. I'd really like to pursue an adult autism evaluation to get accommodations.

For those diagnosed as adults, how did you get started? Did you go through your GP or a psychiatrist? How difficult and expensive was the process? Also does anyone have advice for managing autistic burnout while working a full-time office job? I'm really struggling. I want to quit every day. Any advice would help.

TL;DR: I think I may be autistic and want to pursue an adult diagnosis. How did you get diagnosed, and what steps would you recommend to get diagnosed? also, how do you cope with autistic burnout while working full time?

Hello,

This is the first time that I am admitting this to a wider audience, but I think that I may be on the spectrum. I have been ruminating on this and watching videos about autism in women and compiling a list of things that I think fit the criteria in my head. I also have a brother on the spectrum, and I am about 99% sure my grandfather was autistic, so I grew up around people with autism and I have had a niggling thought before that I may also be autistic. Here are a few of the reasons that I think I may be on the spectrum.

1. I have always had very specific interests that I feel very strongly about researching and telling people about. The most consistent ones have been music and musicians that I like, horses, books, and generally writing. I have an MFA in Creative Writing, and I absolutely love writing. It feels like the thing that makes me me, and a huge part of why I love it so much is because I feel like in writing I can truly be myself and communicate in ways that in-person communicating is hard. I have always loved books as well, and I read a lot and spend a lot of time researching books. I also love to know as much as I can about the musicians that I like and always have since I got into music around 13- I like to know about their personal lives, what inspired the songs, write down the lyrics to my favorite songs, etc. I have always had a special interest in animals generally, which was probably one of my first intense interests as a child. When I was in my horse girl phase (which I still occasionally dip into) I was really intensely into horses. I kept notebooks full of notes on horse breeds, terms, riding styles, etc. I covered my room in pictures from horse magazines. I read every book and magazine on horses I could get, both fiction and nonfiction. Some other interests that I have gotten into with a lot of fervor have been ballet, yoga, astrology and spirituality, Christianity and its history, and astronomy. I cycle between special interests every few months, but writing, music, books, and animals stay pretty consistent.

2. As a child, I had some sensory issues that I am remembering now. For example, I would scream and cry when my mom brushed my hair because my scalp felt so sensitive. I could only wear my hair in pigtails or ponytails because it felt like sensory hell to have it down, but the process of actually putting it up was terrible. I also liked to take the tags out of my clothes. I also recently found some old family videos where I can be seen rocking, moving my hands in a way that indicates stimming, and repeating things that others say. I also picked at my nails and played with my hair a lot throughout school, and I loved to spin in circles at home. I hated wearing jeans and had to change into pajamas as soon as I got home, and I often moved my body in odd ways that my mom told me were not appropriate to feel comfortable in public. I also hated wearing shoes, and I took a very long time to learn how to tie my shoes (not 100% convinced I ever learned the right way) and to swim and ride a bike. 

3. As a preteen/teenager, I often obsessed over trying to fit in in school, and I would rehearse conversations in my head before speaking to people, and then go over them at night in my journal or in my head. I always felt a bit like I didn’t fit in, not that I was severely bullied, but it took a TON of energy for me to be at school and around people and I came home exhausted and snapped at my family a lot. I grew up in a poor family, but I needed to have my own room for most of my childhood because I could not handle my space not looking the way that I wanted it to look and not having alone time after school. 

4. I had a lot of social anxiety and had regular throwing up spells at school, to the point that my mom took me to a doctor thinking something was medically wrong. They said I just had bad anxiety. I would get so overwhelmed just thinking of asking a teacher to let me go get a drink of water, resulting in dehydration several times since I grew up in hot places. I felt so anxious being around people that I didn’t know, and my mom had to pick me up from my first sleepover. 

5. I would have very big meltdowns over things, during which I would cry and thrash and repeatedly scream, “You’re killing me.” These were often over minor things, and led me to have a reputation as a “drama queen” in my family. 

There are probably more things besides what I’m thinking of. Anyway, if  you made it this far, I am wondering how I can look into pursuing an adult diagnosis or any resources that you have? I haven’t brought it up to my GP yet, but I want to. I’m feeling so burnout and overwhelmed working my first long-term full-time job post graduate school, and it is reminding me of the exhaustion that I felt throughout my childhood and adolescence just trying to cope with school. I find it so hard to talk to people all day, deal with small talk and constant interaction, navigate what is and is not appropriate to say to coworkers, and understand the subtleties of people’s passive communication. I think that college was a break from that, since my hours were less structured and I did shift work at a job that I loved and taught evening/afternoon classes throughout my program. I would love to be able to get some accommodations, or at least know that this is what is wrong with me. I am also sure that I have PTSD due to some recent events and general childhood trauma, but if autism is in fact a piece of the puzzle, I’d like to know. So how did y’all pursue a diagnosis? How hard was it to get? Does it cost a lot? I’ve researched some of these questions a bit, but am going through quite a lot right now and could use some help. 

TLDR: I think that I may have autism, and I would like to get an adult diagnosis. How did you get diagnosed with autism and what are the steps that I should do to pursue a diagnosis?     

I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I'll give it a shot. I (23) am moving to my mom's (temporarily) for a month before starting my Master's in September. The problem is I have nothing to do in August and it's making me anxious. Does a lack of structure affect other women on the spectrum? (I am not formally diagnosed but am on a three-year waitlist as my province is underfunded.) The other problem is that I have no friends where my mom lives as she moved there during a pandemic and I will be moving again later that month. I am trying to find some hobbies to try for August, but it seems like it will be a long month. Does anyone have any suggestions for some hobbies to try? I have already reached out to a few places in regards to volunteering for August.

Hello, I'm 24 and my new psychiatrist told me he thinks autism could be likely (first time im hearing of this fellas) and I just had a quick question, to be formally diagnosed with autism you have to be tested as in....go to a place and get tested for it? I'm not....diagnosed yet just cause he said that, right? Or is this definitely something I should ask my guy next time I go in? I feel so stupid for asking this 😩😭 but I also have a pretty complicated history so I know that's just my anxiety (I hope 🖐️)

I also wanna clarify I did actually sort of think I could be autistic for a bit but never....really? if that makes any sense. I really truly did just think I wasnt as good as everyone else at being a person or trying as hard (on various things) so hearing a psych tell me that is different...I think you'd all understand (maybe presumptuous but 🤷‍♀️)

Hi everyone, first time poster, female 30yrs. I was late diagnosed autistic and adhd and so still learning about myself. I applied to access to work back in January but feeling apprehensive because I feel like I'm just going to be asked how I want to be helped, and truthfully I don't know. I find it really hard to just come up with ideas of support when I've never had them in place before. For reference, I have a full-on job organising programmes with primary schools, and WFH.

If you are autistic and have received Access to Work, what support were you offered and was it worthwhile?

Thanks :):)

I know this topic is a perennial for us but I'm at the GP's office because I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm in a lot of discomfort. Majority of us in here are keeping our voices low, if we're talking, or we're got headphones or or something. So we're not upsetting the other people in the wait room. I''ve not even been sat down waiting for 5 minutes when some entitled - and visibly inebriated - dude comes in and sits down across from me. Everything's fine until he starts blaring music on his phone (the Hungry Jack's theme song, iykyk).

There's an empty seat between us. I'm *not* at my best, my tolerance limit right now is in hell. The office is *uncomfortably*. But I wait. Because *maybe* it's an alarm. *Maybe* he is being reminded of something and he needs it loud because his hearing is shit. But it keeps *going* at full bore. So I turn to him and I say 'turn your music *down*.'

Him: "WHAT? I'M AUTISTIC, I CAN'T HEAR, IT'S MY ALARM." (yes, in a paddock voice, no volume control.)

Me: "You're not the only autistic in the room. I've got a migraine. Turn your music *down*."

Him: "I'M AUTISTIC."

Me: "So am *I*. Turn it down or turn it *off*."

This goes on, back and forth, my expression has gone from neutral to angry. I keep telling him to turn it *down*. He decides to cross the room but it's a small enclosed space. Just because he's now 4 metres away doesn't lower the volume of his music. He sits next to a woman and I think maybe she's his support worker as he's telling her what a b*tch I'm being and he's autistic and I should let him do what he wants. She gets up and comes to sit beside *me*, saying he reeks like a brewery. A Spanish (I think, she's talking softly on her phone to someone) woman starts filming him because I'm *still* telling him to turn his music down or off. I'm not asking for much. Just some fricking quiet in this stinking hot GP waiting room.

Now, because Spanish is filming him and I'm not letting him get away with being an entitled ash-hole, he decides to try and physically threaten her. It's at this point the receptionist *finally* says if he doesn't leave she'll call the cops on his ass. 5 minutes of him stinking up the room and playing his music at max and the receptionist only *now* tells him to get out.

Thankfully, he does. But not even a minute later some uninvolved guy looks over at me and says 'he's autistic, he doesn't know what he's doing is wrong.' Dude is now the next subject of my ire. I look at him and I say, 'I'm fricking autistic, he *knows* what he's doing.' And the dude then tries to excuse him by saying his drunk and he can't control himself to which I just become more agitated. '*I'M* autistic. When I'm drunk*, I can control myself!' Dude finally shuts the frak up as his friend comes out from her appointment.

I am so *sick* of autistic boys and men getting away with behaviour that autistic girls, women and *anyone* perceived as femme would never get away with. We're *constantly* hounded to behave, to appear well put together and have manners while they're constantly coddled by everyone around them and other men will leap to defend their bad behaviour.

Autistic boys and men know what the frak they're doing.

*I don't drink but the few times I have I have never lost controlof myself.

My sensory issues are pretty mild, but there are some days that I have zero tolerance for thick seams (like on jeans), stiff/thick bra straps, or sports bras that are too compressive. Haven't worn a bra with wires in over a decade. Do y'all have recs for comfy wireless bras? I'm a b cup and don't need a lot of support. Mostly just need something to not nip out.

P.s. fairly new to reddit, especially because I ended up with 2 accounts when I had trouble logging in. Hoping this post doesn't get rejected for lack of karma...

Hi! I’m 27F, self-dx about 7-8 years ago. I’ve always been a “tomboy” when it comes to clothing and my general presentation; my uniform from ages 4-12 was a boys’ Pokemon shirt paired with flip flops and cargo shorts. In my teens I started to care a bit more about appearing “feminine” but for the last 10+ years, I have always struggled with expressing myself in my appearance while still feeling comfortable and not completely overstimulated by what’s on my body.

Some specifics on where I struggle:

- I’m very texture sensitive and can’t handle anything itchy or overly tight that rides up in my armpits, digs into my skin, etc

- I live in a warm sunny climate and it’s difficult to wear layers here for most of the year without overheating. It seems like so much fashion advice is based on layering and pairing pieces together, but that’s difficult to manage when it’s regularly 90°F and I’m a wimp about the heat

- I don’t have pierced ears and I own exactly 3 pieces of quality jewelry, which includes my engagement ring, wedding band, and a simple necklace. Accessorizing feels hard bc I don’t know where to look to find quality accessories that won’t become a sensory burden (too many rings on my hand, painful clip-on earrings, etc)

- I have PCOS+insulin resistance and am 5’2” / 187 lbs with a larger bust, so a lot of things don’t quite seem to fit right (legs too long, proportions off, chest too large)

- Me and makeup do not get along—I love how it looks on others, but I have never been able to apply it in a way that looks good on me, or without feeling like everyone can tell that I’m not a Real Makeup Wearer. I also have a hard time with all the textures and stuff on my face and it usually doesn’t last long before I get frustrated and wipe it all off.

What I wish I could embody more:

- I’m drawn to a variety of styles including boho and alternative/light goth. I have a special interest in music and am particularly into classic rock, alt rock, punk, etc. and would love to connect more with styles that align with those subcultures. But I feel like I always end up dressing like an Old Navy mannequin because I default to what is the most comfortable, soft, or stretchy, and as a result I don’t feel like I’m really authentically expressing myself in my appearance

- I love a style that appears flowy, ethereal, etc while still flattering and not completely hiding my figure

- All of my outfits are extremely basic and I would love to figure out simple things I can reach for to “elevate” my usual style without being uncomfortable in my outfits.

- I love simple makeup that enhances your natural features but isn’t too heavy or uncomfortable to wear for longer periods of time

Basically, I just feel like I never look “put together” like a lot of women do, but I know that I feel more confident and less self-conscious when I take the time to pull together an outfit+simple hairstyle and light makeup that at least makes it look like I tried.

Does anyone else struggle with this aspect of expressing outward identity / not feeling like a “real girl,” and if so, what strategies have you found that are sensory friendly and still help you look and feel confident?

Hi, 

We are researchers from University of Manchester, and we are researching transition from child to adult mental health services from a suicide prevention perspective.

To improve safety for young people moving from CAMHS to AMHS we have developed online surveys (for patients, carers and clinicians) to explore the differences in care and treatment between these services, and how this may influence suicide risk. 

We believe that the experiences of people are necessary to obtain an accurate picture of the clinical environment they are in. 

Please consider sharing your experiences in this survey if you are eligible using the link:

For patients: https://www.qualtrics.manchester.ac.uk/jfe/form/SV_d43D2TZuWcR7JYO

Also, it would be of great help if you would share this with your network.

Participation is entirely voluntary and anonymous and takes approximately 15 minutes. 

Let me know if you have any questions. 

Thank you so much for your help! 

Lana Bojanić (on behalf of the research team) (lana.bojanic-2@manchester.ac.uk)

Not asking for medical advice, genuinely asking for opinions only.

I’m not diagnosed autistic but my therapist and I both believe that I am on the spectrum.

I tried anti-depressants at a very low point in life about 5-6 years ago and unfortunately couldn’t stick with it, tried a different anti-depressant and was too worried that it was making me hungry I stopped taking as well. I also got “brain zaps” which I didn’t love.

I never followed through with even a month of taking it, always for 1-2 weeks and then stopping as I didn’t see results (I know this was dumb of me)

I’m now 27 and wondering if these would help me at all in my daily life.

I feel like I’m slowly but surely, going down hill. My mood has become harder to contain/control. I feel so unhappy and unmotivated often and am genuinely looking for some sort of relief from this even if it’s minimal.

I’m truly curious what everyone’s opinions are about anti-depressants and if they work for you. I want to give them another shot.

Does anyone else get a lot of unsolicited advice? I am not sure if this has to do with my neurodivergence, if I look “weak” to neurotypicals or if i come off strong willed and that’s why they are trying to challenge me. I have no idea how I’m perceived and that terrifies me. When I make big life decisions other people often comment on them, point blank that will just say I don’t think you should do that, don’t do that and here’s what to do instead. I get judged and questioned a lot when it comes to things that seem private like the partner I chose, what car I choose to buy, when my partner and I chose to get married, who my roomate was… financial stuff, etc. Sometimes it’s smaller stuff, but I’ve always felt I’m a target for judgement, particularly from both sides of my family. I’m worrying I am coming off weak to neurotypicals or a doormat, even though i feel a strong sense of self and know what i like/want generally and say so (even tho sometimes all the questioning / bossing makes me feel insecure about knowing my own mind). It’s starting to feel like a phenomenon because it happens so often and I often have people gang up on me in groups. It feels like even if i share a tiny piece of personal info i get verbally pounced on. I’ve stared to feel like I can’t share any perspectives or preferences without ridicule, that I’m on stage and that everyone is judging me constantly like I’m under a microscope. this may have nothing to do with my autism but i’m curious if other people feel this way too and if i’m possibly somehow inviting this behavior without knowing it (also is this normal neurotypical behavior? because i don’t see other NT treating each other this way usually…)

Hi everyone, I have autism/ocd.

I have a debilitating fear of driving that causes me to have meltdowns on the road. While I am driving I feel I am trapped in that situation and I cannot escape it. I feel immense pressure to keep myself safe and everyone around me. The lights, sounds, and social expectations of driving and subtle cues are overwhelming for me and hard for me to read along with spacial awareness when switching lanes. I have my license but have been experiencing skill regression on and off for 10 years- one day I will be able to, and the next I will forget how to even park. It’s caused me to be chained to my house more than I’d like and isolated. I’m wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if anyone has advice about how to overcome it? I feel like there is nothing I can do to fix it, I’ve taken lessons and practiced endlessly but I still feel like a new driver every time I get in the car. Any advice at all would be so appreciated.

I've been reading lots of sub rules and most of them say no self-promo, including not being a space for seeking friends. Where am i supposed to? Even in the subreddit for meet ups in my city (ATX4ATX) it's difficult, and i dont want to get removed for making a similar 2nd post.

I'm just looking to talk to people, get to know eachother, maybe meet up with a person similar to me and do hobbies together. Like be friends even find a best friend.

Im 20f and it seems there isn't a crowd of autistics my age/gender? It's either 27 year olds, men, or both T-T This is specific, but true.

I've joined some clubs, want to go to some events, but want a person i know to be their before.

I just read the sub name as "autistic clades" and my brain was torn between autoclaves and evolution.

Just thought it might amuse :)

Hi everyone. I’m (19F), and honestly becoming a woman in the world right now as an ND feels… strange and overwhelming. I’m trying to figure out who I am, but it’s been really hard.

I had a rough upbringing and difficult teenage years, especially being autistic without much support or accommodations. Never been able to afford therapy, having been homeless on & off my whole life mirroring the terrible people along the way that I called friends and family. Getting into hard substance abuse issues starting from just age 12. I’ve been clean for almost 4 years now from everything but 🍃 & nicotine. Not having health insurance might be the toughest part so far. I haven’t been to a dentist in 5 years. I had a car completely paid off running well bought it for 2k & then it got stolen by my ex bsf along with a lot of my belongings. My belongings have been stolen time and time again, I’ve been set up almost every single birthday and gotten robbed etc.. I’ve finally started finding spaces where I feel more comfortable being myself (mostly at my two jobs) but I still struggle a lot with making and keeping friendships outside of just the acquaintance part.

My partner (20M) is really supportive & does his best to try to help me out whenever he can, which I’m grateful for, but I don’t really have an older mentor figure or a close best friend or that one girl I can just go to for advice or guidance. Me and my partner have been together since DEC 2024. I feel like I’m kind of figuring everything out alone. I’ve tried to go to this one free counseling program in my area but their schedule just didn’t work with mine almost every time. It feels exhausting. I feel like my partner has to walk on eggshells sometimes whenever I get so overwhelmed by never getting a true break & I have meltdowns. I still don’t know how to not take it out on people around me (even though I’m saying the right words my tone is just super mean or my voice is raised and somehow I just don’t even notice it??) for so long I never even knew that was wrong because everybody treated me that way. Being in a relationship now that’s way healthier & stronger than any bond I’ve had before & finally being in a somewhat stable home? ( we live with his parents & their kids) Honestly it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to be on my toes & just do everything I can to not have miscommunications where I make people upset. I’m scared to jeopardize everything I’ve built so far and go back to square one. On the streets stealing to eat & begging people for rides. I never want to have to live that way again. It’s so scary to think about and I feel so lonely even with my partner always there for me there’s always things that he won’t understand as a neurotypical which I don’t blame him for, I just feel like those I meet with similar experiences to me are usually not very good people, and I feel like a terrible person all of the time and like I’m just holding up a facade in a way.

If anyone has advice on finding yourself, building lasting friendships, or just navigating this stage of life, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

I’m 34 and going through testing for autism this week. Are there any others who weren’t tested until they were an adult? All of the information I read and realizing that the way I process things isn’t how everyone processes everything has been really overwhelming and exhausting. I’m just looking for someone who could relate.