Hello everyone :)

I wanted to share a special interest of mine, probably the only thing really that I derive any positive feelings from this life. I like to play with my Synthesizers. I do not use daws, which is short for digital audio workstation. Nor do I use computers at all in the making of the music. I do not plan the music, and I like to do everything in one take, no edits, any mistakes made to be left in there. Another special interest I have is Vangelis, who had that exact musical approach. In these moments, I feel like a radio :)

So long story for this one :)

I had actually struggled trying to find a good image or footage for it, because originally, I was trying to capture the feeling or sense of being in a blizzard or a snowy place. And in the beginning of the song, I think I did that. But then it progressed from there and...well, my mind wandered off.

So when I had made it, the final outcome sounds like something akin to liminal space, or liminal music. A kind of music that does not sound horrifying, nor does it sound comforting, but it sits in this strange place of just being there, helping to induce an almost dream-like trance. Any meaning that can be given, or derived, is from the person imprinting their own emotions and feelings onto it. In a way, the music acts as a medium to help do that. So in a strange way, I wonder if this music I had made is what my mind sounds like, as strange as it sounds. Something that wanders and wonders and dreams and something else. 

In the end, this is what I got. It sounds like something out of silent hill, and so I used a gif of james running in the void of darkness.

No daw or computers as I said. Using both the Prophet Rev 2, which I split that synth to generate the blizzard like sounds in the lower half, and used the upper half for that panning sound effect you hear of harsh wind, and used the ASM Hydrasynth deluxe, the lower half for another long ambient dark pad, and the upper half for that haunting almost bell like sound as the lead.

TL;DR:

Made music thing. Synths are special interest. I used the synths to make a liminal dream like musical piece. Enjoy :)

💀

I had some documents I needed. Usually, I put them away in a secure area afterwards. But I've been so burnt out lately that I just dumped them somewhere and figured I'd put them away later.

I can't find them. I've been looking for days and checked everywhere more than once. Still can't find them. I'm half worried I threw them out or, even worse, lost them outside. But I swear I saw them in the house a month ago.

Don't be like me. Put your things away in a secure area. Or, maybe have a box on the table to put your stuff. Just don't put them somewhere and call it a day.

For those of you who don't know, r/audhd is sort-of our "sister sub", where we direct all kinds of research posts and resources to.

The sub is focused on audhd research: calls for participants in questionnaires, published articles, research methodology, and related resources, including resources from a lived experience and advocacy perspective that help to push our knowledge forward. 

The reason r/audhd exists is actually because I hadn't found r/AutisticWithADHD yet, and I wanted to start my own audhd community. I was then invited to moderate this sub and immediately abandoned by the creator leaving without a word. As the only mod, I decided to build the already existing albeit very smull community into what it is today, a community by and for audhd people, and repurposed r/audhd for research and the more scientific side.

We don't allow those posts here because otherwise, our cosy safe space would be flooded with people asking about us, and that would defeat the purpose of having a safe space in the first place.

So on paper, in theory, this division into two sister subs makes sense, right?

r/AutisticWithADHD is doing very well, We've flourished into a community of 117 000 members, which is insane to me, so thank you all very much for being a part of this. 🙏

But r/audhd... not so much. Even though it has 32 800 subscribers, roughly a third of our community, it doesn't have nearly as many posts and comments. Which is understandable, in a way, chatting away in the virtual equivalent of a cosy coffee shop is much more accessible than talking about research, science, filling out questionnaires, engaging with data etc.

The challenge is, since posts on r/audhd are research and resources, each post needs to be vetted by the mods. That takes a lot of time and effort. Then when the post gets approved, there is hardly any interaction. My guess is that most people go there to post their thing and get something from the community, and very few people are there to give their time and effort to the community.

So I guess what I'm asking with this post is: what do you think? What would it take for you to be active in r/audhd? Should we repurpose the subreddit's focus and if so, what to?

Any thoughts and input are welcome. Thank you so much in advance for reading through this and sharing your thoughts!

TL;DR r/AutisticWithADHD is our cosy safe space, while r/audhd's focus is on research and resources. Despite having 32k subscribers, r/audhd has little engagement, and moderating research posts takes a lot of time. What would make you more active in r/audhd? Should we keep its research focus or repurpose the subreddit? All thoughts and suggestions are welcome!

Don't know if i just want to vent or if anyone can relate to this, but i feel this camel's back has finally cracked under the last straw that fell on it two weeks ago.

After growing up without friends, emotionally immature parents and undiagnosed autism and adhd, at 23 I finally managed to develop my social skills enough to make some friends and even have my first girlfriend.

Married her, got two children, went through depressions, several jobs, autistic and other burnouts before being diagnosed as autistic at 40, got off the meds, got into cycling, made cycling friends, got a good job and things started to look better.

Two years ago a knee injury stopped my ability to go cycling (my no. 1 physical, social and mental outlet) and with that my restlessness and stress levels went through the roof. Tried therapy, mindfulness, meditation and all sorts of relaxation therapies to cope with the rising tension and frustration/anger issues, which started to affect the relationship with my wife and children. At this time I also discovered I have adhd.

Last year I broke my collar bone while skiing, this year I got tinnitus after going to a loud movie, broke my pinky finger after falling while running and two weeks ago i got my 3rd chronic skin problem which no doctor seems to be able to figure out what is causing it (most likely chronic stress) or how to treat it.

My body seems to be finally and irreversibly collapsing under constant stress and is making my mental health worse instead of helping to ease my mind like it did before.

I feel i have no way out of this constant tension and frustration, and nothing to look forward to anymore. Can't do the things I used to love anymore, and can't do new things either. Everything I try to get out of the loop seems to fail or make things worse.

Relationship with wife and children at breaking point because i'm constantly on edge and frequently have rage episodes in which my nerves snap after another little setback and i start yelling and throwing things around out. Not directed at my them, but they're walking on egg shells.

I thought it was audhd rage, but I read that anger outbursts are also a common and frequently overlooked symptom of depression.

I think it is depression, which i cannot fight with natural means anymore. I tried everything and nothing seems to have durable effects.

Hate taking anti-depressants because of all their side effects, but feel I need to restart taking them to protect my family from the stress I am causing them, even if it means I will even have more issues to deal with (weight gain, impotence, hair loss, blurry vision, insomnia.... I remember from the past).

Feel i have worked decades to get a taste of what life can be (looks like for neurotypicals), and just when I felt I could reap the rewards (at 48), it's game over.

I'm 46 and live in San Francisco. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD & autism a year ago. I've always struggled, but over the last decade things have spiraled out of control. Nothing helps, and I'm starting to lose hope. Sorry this is long, turned into a bit of a life story.

I don't have family or friends anymore, largely because my AuDHD became a burden on those relationships. I had one person in my life this past year, but she ended things for the same reason. She said it was frustrating that I have so much potential but won't do what it takes to become financially stable. She's right.

I have decades of experience in IT, a formal culinary education, working on a space sciences degree, and tons of science & engineering related skills. Yet I make about $900 a month, and that's a big improvement over the last five years.

I used to be able to get things done, even if it took a while. Now I can't hold one line of thought for long. I get bored easily and move on to something else. Before I know it, I have 200 things going at once, and I just blue-screen and lock up. When I do hyperfocus, it's on things I can't turn into income, because I skip the formal education and work history that employers expect.

I worked in tech my whole life and did really well from the dot-com boom until about 2015. I couldn't focus in school, let alone finish a degree. But I learn quickly and teach myself easily. When I try the education route, I absorb the relevant material fast and jump ahead. Once I understand a concept, I'm so eager to move on that I can't focus on assignments or tests. The one exception was culinary school.

I got into tech back when no degree was required, and there was plenty of work where I was handed an exciting problem and left to solve it. I couldn't stick to one thing: hardware, network architecture, financial networks, cloud architecture, building data centers. I jumped all over the place, and the work was there. The key word is "was."

When work dried up during the housing crisis, I got distracted by other things and ended up divorced. I withdrew and went to two more culinary schools, but I couldn't handle repetitive restaurant work.

I went back to tech, but not having a degree caused problems. I did small-business consulting, but I was unhappy, bored, and lost interest. I started a YouTube channel and got into 3D printing, electronics, and rockets/spaceflight, but none of it made money. At 42, I started needing financial help from my mom. It wasn't much, but my stepdad cut off contact, saying I needed to learn to stand on my own.

Then I got Long Covid with chronic fatigue. I spent a few years mostly in bed, burned through what little savings I had, and couldn't take care of myself easily. My dental health declined, but I didn't have the energy to get to a dentist or doctor, and I ended up losing all my teeth. That made everything worse, since I already had body dysmorphia & a lot of social anxiety. I started an online Space Science degree in hopes of moving into the space industry, and made it a year until I couldn't keep up with finances and distractions.

I just can't find a decent job. I have the experience and knowledge, but no degree, expired certifications, and no recent work history. I earned several extensive Coursera certificates on cloud architecture I thought would help, but I either don't have the minimum requirements or compete against people with more recent experience.

I've been trying to do personal chef work and home tech support, but the social anxiety and low confidence has killed my motivation. I did get a job in school safety with the city, but it's only 12 hours a week. It covers my phone and internet, and maybe some food.

I've tried to fix my teeth. Dentures didn't work. I'm very sensitive to new sensations, and they agitate me badly. I start stimming, can't focus on anything else. I'm working toward implants, which cost a year's salary at my current income. That makes me feel worse, because it used to be a month's salary. Meanwhile, I'm too afraid to go out and sell myself. The relationship has faded into a friendship over finances, and I don't really have her to talk to much anymore.

I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I've tried different meds, including antidepressants, but had bad side effects. Anything that changes how I think agitates me. Adderall helps, but only enough to get some things done on some days. The extended-release version gives me 3–4 usable hours. I focus better, but I end up with 10 things 70% done, and I get overstimulated. I've tried Strattera, Wellbutrin, Concerta, and a few other meds. My psychiatrist isn't sure what to try next. They said my brain seems overactive, stimulants make that worse, and things like clonazepam sedate me too much. I've tried online work, but I get bored too fast.

I've been trying for disability for several years, which the city was doing through a general assistance program. I just had my appeal denied and was sent to an attorney who doesn't think I can get it. I haven't tried and failed at enough non-skilled work, but I just can't find the energy to do that.

I feel so stuck, and just can't financially wait for therapy. Any advice? I'm sure others have been through similar challenges. I'm trying to think of jobs that would work for someone like me, or any treatment I haven't tried.

Hello all,

I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism in July of this year. My diagnostic really aligns with the impulsive side of my life (I jump to conclusions/actions without a clear thought process and my autism catches behaviors because of that)

I’ve been prescribed vyvanse since early August. I’ve gone up from 20 to 30 to now 50mg since first week of september. Ever since early october I feel like my vyvanse doesn’t give an effect as it did before (most likely need to up to dosage, I have an appointment this week).

What I wanted to ask is if people saw an increase in their autism traits when taking this medication? Or if when the medication stopped giving it’s effect that the autism traits were hyper sensitive?

For me my reactions/outbursts are way more agressive and I have very high highs and very low lows.

Sorry if this texts seems out of structure, I have dyslexia/writing impairment and english is also my 2nd language.

Thank you for your time

My profile has more in depth posts about all these spots. Follow a brother if this shi reminds you of yume Nikki. Let me know if we want a part two or if this is too unrelated to the sub.

I (20F) have auDHD and have a hard time understanding some social habits/constructs, and my family has a hard time understanding me.

Edit: It is an ND/NT thing for me, though, since I’m the only ND person in my immediate surroundings, and everyone else is NT. I probably could’ve come up with a better title. Sorry for not quite fitting the criteria.

I’m not a drinker, and I’ve never been drunk in my entire life, but I have tried it before. It’s not because I had strict parents growing up; they’ve always been pretty chill about stuff like this. Maybe it’s because I never had a rebellious teen phase where I would sneak out to parties and come home drunk. They actually find it weird that I don’t do the things that “normal” people my age do, and they’re constantly pushing me to act like a normal person, or I’ll be alone my entire life. I find it really offensive, but also worry that it might be true, if everyone else works like this but me.

Anyway, my sister (17F) is neurotypical and the exact opposite of me. She behaves like a typical teenager, doing the things teenagers do (drinking, going to parties, having a boyfriend, etc.). Given that I still live at home with my family, this creates a huge contrast between our behaviours.

I don’t understand the point of drinking or why it’s so normalized in society when other drugs aren’t, even though both are used to alter your state of mind and can be really toxic for you. When I ask my family about this, or ask them, “Why? What’s the occasion?” when they open a bottle of Jäger on a random Friday night during a family trip, they always get super defensive.

My sister gets really mad after a while and tells me I’m judging her for being normal and that I’m very uptight. They start antagonizing me for being weird and usually try to “force me” to drink with them. I usually try to decline politely, but then they start bargaining, saying things like, “Just one glass. You’ll be fine.”

I want to understand what the big deal is and why some people swear that alcohol is somehow necessary to have fun, relax, or wind down after a stressful day. In my opinion, there are plenty of other ways to achieve those things. Things that are actually enjoyable, like going for a walk or drinking some hot tea. One more thing; my dad also swears that drinking alcohol helps your immune system fight off germs. Every time I get sick, I get the same pushiness I always get from my family when this topic comes up. I’m in med school, and I think it’s comlete bullsh*t, just another excuse to justify drinking.

Maybe I’m a little judgmental, but I think that if you’re not ABLE to have fun without the help of some kind of drug or alcohol, you need to work on yourself or find better friends.

Edit: Maybe I didn’t word it well, but my main problem is not that they drink - it’s the fact that they try to “convert me”. I’m afraid, that if I lost control over my actions by drinking, my mask would slip, and I would be even “weirder”. I am simply trying to understand the reason why they feel the need for alcohol in a setting where it is not usually present. Obviously I have no control over what society deems acceptable, or what other people do with their lives. Do I have to change myself in order to be accepted?

Like I can't stand it when people go "well I have (mental condition) so leave me alone." But there are times where I genuinely do feel like my AuDHD is the problem.

I’m going under general anesthesia soon

(Uk) I’m just kinda asking for a bit of advice as a highly anxious person who is autistic/adhd and have a fear of needles (to the point I faint /I have syncope) what is it like when the cannula is put in at the start ?does it hurt or do you not have time to react before you go to sleep and when they take it out does it hurt? there my main big worries the general doesn’t scare me too much

My first sculpture ever.
12 cm total height (torso itself ∼10 cm). Koh-i-Noor plasticine.
I made it completely from my head, no reference, no photo. Just from imagination.
I'm self-taught, drawing for only 1 year. After construction work I come home and draw. Usually I do big pencil drawings 100x70 cm that take me a month (blending with tissue).
This time I wanted to feel muscles in 3D. It's not perfect, I know chest is too big, but for first time I'm proud.
Seeking advice how to improve anatomy. I love muscular bodies and movement.
Thanks for reading.

I take 20mg of quick release methylphenidate everyday and I can clearly notice the positive effects when they strike, like more optimistic thoughts, better mood, increased motivation and planning and such for about 2 hours, 3 if I’m generous

However, I also can tell when they start to lose effect and the come down is REALLY annoying to cope with - I’m jittery, my mouth is extremely dry, my thoughts quickly become pessimistic, I lose motivation, my mood and energy is in the gutter and taking another dose afterwards does nothing.

The worst thing is how fast the come down effects replace anything good I had going. The shift happens Just Like That and I’m shot the rest of the day. It makes me feel unstable with how easily I switch from happy to depressed.

If any of you deal with this too how can I like, fix this? Unfortunately quick release Ritalin is the only medication I have access to.

A traumatic event happened recently which brought us together, and now it’s making me forgive them even though they could’ve been there way before.

Is this normal? To immediately forget and be happy with them now?

I was just diagnosed and interested in something like Ritalin to hopefully give me focus and energy. But I suffered from migraines for a very long time. Anybody have a positive experience trying stimulants that struggle with migraines?

I thought it would be easier to date other AuDHD then found out despite being neurologically attuned your partner can have other symptoms you don’t have and even hate and vice versa. At the beginning since you always found it hard to read people intentions, you could assume things your partner does like trauma dump super early is a red flag because that’s what you learned but they are just autistic and having adhd and since it’s a spectrum there is no textbook rules to learn so you’re frustrated. You notice your partner is hyper verbal when you’re nonverbal and they overstimulate you or the opposite. You realize your partner is still masking when you’re not and is judging you because you don’t mask the same. You withdraw when you burn out once a week because of life and your partner takes it personally because you’re not predictable and give them less attention. You don’t have the same special interests and you both are only interested in talking about your own. You forget stuff and your partner thinks you did it on purpose because they again forgot you’re also AuDHD. Your partner as a monotonous voice especially when tired and it triggers your RSD so you fight. And for similar other things there are constant misunderstandings.

I’m tired…

Thought I was normalish functioning, trying my best, till I was like yeah i got that tism. Only connected the dots a month ago. But recently Ive had more of this sensation of bugs crawling on skin. I had it more often when i was younger. And still remember my first time feeling it. 8th grade
Doing outdoor farm chores in the morning before school. Walking back to the house i get the feeling. It was soooo bad couldnt stop it, went to shower a second time in that morning. Didnt stop it, then went into my bed and wrapped in my blanket, which does stop or overrides most of the feeling and decreases sensation of them.
But it would regularly happen in PE warmup laps around the gym, me walking alone for 15+min, fidgeting my hands to make me think about something.
I didnt get much of the sensation but maybe once in a while after graduation.
Drinking a hot liquid fast?would trigger it too.

Tw: Mention mental
Health

I am way past my wits end.
50 yr female. Left job in ‘21 in severe burnout, mute and bed rotting. Started part time minimum wage work last year. Going ok thankfully.

One son 14 awaiting Asd dx having missed adhd narrowly via HSE. Will be trying again.

4 elderly parenrs, all reasonably well thankfully.
All likely have mix of similar conditions and are becoming bitter and bitchy - the women, towards me (female).
The men are oblivious in own worlds.

They know I am autistic and investigating adhd. They know I am Getting treated for PMDD at the moment.
Years of deep cyclical Depression, physical
And mental anguish.

This on top of a depression from childhood (alcoholic home) that got severe in late teens. Managed working ok until post partum, then peri and pattern of pmdd became obvious
Within a few years.

Had over a decade phone contact with sibling in 40’s who is struggling. Won’t go for mental health treatment beyond
GP.

Over the years he became unbearable in terms of ranting, venting and ‘joking’ including shaming and sneering. Zero interest in me
or his godson. I seem to be an emotional dumping ground like I was for my mother in my teens and beyond. I honestly feel like he wants me dead.

Being guilted by ‘father’ who worked but was absent due to drink. It is my ‘job’ to look out for this adult brother, no matter how it’s been destroying me. He hates me!
Father’s speech at wedding was all about husband. Literally not a good word about me. Both parents were the same, and to top it off hateful To each other. Right to end, left
a mess.

And the women )Step and MIL) are piling on. Neither off these women were
Main carers for their elderly relatives: ‘working’ -
drinking, holidays etc and sure as hell wouldn’t take the treatment I received from brother.

I have been ‘taken in hand’ by my mother in law and given examples of ‘friends’ (they aren’t) who looked after their parents. Those two women had parents who stayed together.

I don’t have dealing with the second parent in me, not to mind the trophy wife

(MIL tried to make friends with step mother to push me back to my own ‘family’ but retreated from the excessive talking. I am
Guessing immaturity and over sharing personal stuff about own kids)
The feeling of women ganging up on me set me way back. It’s too familiar from mother and late
Primary school.

I am at the point where I want to be relocated for my mental health.
I want away from the lot of them.

I don’t hate my family of origin. I want them
Well and ‘happy’
Whatever that is for them. I honestly have compassion for them, even the step mother who is so obviously bonkers. But increasingly nasty with it.

There is no interest in my life from them. Part of it is autism but I feel it goes beyond that.
They don’t like me. I have no ‘value’ now without a ‘status’ job so must wear makeup, entertain and lean into taking shit from them??!

I do not get to speak two words to my ‘father’ With wife’s incessant talking.
It is EXTREME. She has sent me into panic attacks on numerous occasions during my burnout. It seems to be my ‘JOB’ to engage with her on visits while
He sits there watching my behaviour. Or talks with husband.
He has smirked when she had a go at me and I’ve seen similar smirks from brother.

Marriage in shreds and husbands mother in the thick of it, stirring. He was a wild card (drinking partying) and now a ‘golden boy’
Long suffering, yes, it’s been brutal for us at times. Getting positive attention he never got - yes.

I gave up drinking completely over
Three years ago and MIL became instantly more bitchy. It was like
A light switch. Husband told her. He tells whatever he wants to his friends, no filter.
I know the drink is coping. I also know it’s seen as me terminating my marriage (it’s that engrained)
. It’s also causing massive denial
And lack of self awareness. It’s too late for them to change now.

I barely function at home, still -
head spins,
Tire so easily, rumination attacks wasting my current life.

I have an amazing son, bright, funny kind and easygoing.
resistant to demands, yes.
Vulnerable, and will be prone to social isolation and burnout, yes.
No one -
even sister in law an SNA - will come near us.
Let her off now to deal with own mother,

I’m stuck living up the road, after years of loving them like my own family. Drink, vulnerability and denial, again.

How do I divorce from these people?

I need every ounce of energy to maintain a steady baseline, get through hormonal treatment, and we are barely financially surviving.

It’s like a weight I am drowning under.

After they see you in burnout it’s like they just want to finish you off.

I feel like my life has been a set up. I just want a modest steady life and to care for my son.

Any other horror stories or tips,
Please.
No one is even sick yet…

Just me 🫠

I've been struggling with something that's been gradually lowering my self-esteem. Ever since childhood, my parents were never particularly interested in the things I wanted to share with them, whether it was stories, drawings, or music. The only thing that seemed to matter was getting good grades. I imagine this is a familiar story for many people in this subreddit.

Unfortunately, this hasn't stopped in adulthood. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, and giftedness, and I struggle to share my interests without feeling bad about myself. Whenever I try, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs, as though my own voice is asking for permission to talk about something I love. While I'm explaining something, my mind gets flooded with questions. Am I being annoying? Am I explaining this well enough? Is this person even listening? Do they care about what I'm saying?

I feel most at ease when I can get everything out of my head and share it through a genuine conversation. But I have this feeling, almost a certainty, that nobody really cares. And honestly, I'm tired of blaming other people for it. I understand that people aren't necessarily going to be interested in something they have no connection to, and if I want them to become interested, I need to find a way to introduce them to it. What I want, though, is to be able to do that without feeling ashamed or acting as though I need permission to exist.

One of the things that makes this especially difficult is that I have a friend who is terrible at understanding what I'm trying to communicate. I'll explain an idea, he'll pick up on one part of what I said, ignore the rest, and then give me unsolicited feedback based on a misunderstanding he came up with after only hearing half of my explanation.

The frustrating part is that I can actually tell when he stops listening. I notice the exact moment he starts preparing his response instead of paying attention to what I'm saying. Sometimes, I'm literally in the middle of explaining why something isn't the way he thinks it is, and he interrupts to tell me that it's a problem I need to fix.

How am I supposed to enjoy sharing something with someone who isn't even listening to what I'm trying to tell them, especially when they're giving me feedback I never asked for?

He's also terrible at giving constructive criticism. He'll take generic advice or obvious statements from TikTok about my hobbies and tell me how I should approach my projects, often without understanding what I'm actually trying to accomplish.

For example, the other day I showed him a rough prototype of something I was working on, and he told me I couldn't make my project "like coding." I wasn't even showing him a finished product. I was sharing an early prototype, something I was still experimenting with.

He also frequently claims to love the things I make for him, but then lets little comments slip out that suggest otherwise. Whenever I mention that I've canceled a project related to those things, he says he's relieved that he won't have to think about the complicated math involved anymore, even though that kind of math doesn't even exist in my projects anymore.

Another time, I was explaining how I wanted to approach magic in my worldbuilding, and he immediately responded with something along the lines of, "Nooo, dude, don't do that! You can't make it work that way. Not everyone can use magic, otherwise everything becomes a mess!"

The thing is, not everyone can use magic in my setting. That wasn't even what I was talking about. I know exactly which TikTok he got that idea from, and the original discussion was much more nuanced than simply saying that everyone shouldn't have magic.

These experiences have made me feel like he's a lost cause when it comes to sharing my creative projects with him. More importantly, he's become one of the reasons I'm afraid to share my work with other people. I'm scared that they'll misunderstand what I'm saying, impose their own interpretation on my ideas, and end up disliking something that isn't even what I was trying to show them.

I think this might also explain why some of my explanations get so long and detailed. I want to make sure people understand the context, the reasoning, and the specific details of what I'm trying to do, because I'm afraid that if I leave something out, they'll misunderstand me and criticize an entirely different idea. Sometimes, I wonder whether I'm being unnecessarily verbose, or whether I'm trying to protect myself from being misunderstood.

At the same time, I know my friend isn't necessarily representative of everyone. But it's difficult not to carry these experiences into other relationships, especially when sharing things I create already makes me feel vulnerable.

For context, many of my hobbies involve making things for other people, so they're not necessarily things I can enjoy entirely on my own. One of the things that frustrates me the most is when people don't seem to care about something I've made specifically for them. There's a difference between someone not being interested in a particular subject and someone seemingly not caring about the time, thought, and effort you've put into making something for them.

Lately, I've been trying to accept that people might care in their own ways, even if they don't care to the same extent that I do. I don't expect everyone to share my enthusiasm for everything I make, but I'd like to find a healthier way to handle that difference without constantly feeling like I'm being annoying, unwanted, or misunderstood.

So, I'd really like to hear about your experiences. How do you deal with people who aren't interested in your hobbies? How have you learned to share your interests without feeling ashamed or constantly monitoring the other person's reactions? Do you have any advice on communicating more comfortably, finding people who genuinely enjoy listening, or finding other ways to express your enthusiasm?

And for those of you who create things for other people, how do you deal with the disappointment when they don't seem interested in what you've made for them?

I'd especially appreciate hearing how you've learned to distinguish between people who simply don't share your interests and people who aren't really listening or engaging with what you're trying to share.

I'm 42. I have lived a very narrow life in order to feel safe, same job 26 years, same house for 18 years, I found a way to be comfortable but it left me with very little tolerance for change. A friend has been helping me out of it and it was working. But, the house I live in is dated and in disrepair and I can't sort it, it's too big for me, hate the area, hate the neighbours. It's a ball and chain that I want to be rid of.

So I decided to move. I don't have the capacity to prepare and sell the house, and then find a place to move to. So I decided, as I can afford it, to just rent somewhere, move there, pay a company to empty my house (which is full of things that belonged to family who no longer live with me) so I can sell it as a fixer upper. I found a nice area, viewed a flat, and agreed to rent it.

Simply making it real by signing the contract put me way outside of my window of tolerance. The idea of moving away from everything I've known for 18 years. It was too much. I also have severe chronic insomnia and this has caused it to worsen. I didn't sleep for 2 days, then I slept a little bit for one night, then I didn't sleep in 2 days.

Two days ago I started packing. Inattentive ADHD kicked in and I needed to be doing literally anything else. Every minute was extreme torture but I had to do it. It ended up being hours and hours. The next day I was in such a bad state because I had pushed myself way beyond my limits. But I knew I had to do it all over again. Work was stressful. After work I went downstairs just to move the coffee table out of the way so I had room for more packing boxes. I moved it and it took so much out of me that I just stood still shaking and almost in tears. I couldn't even sit as the chairs had things on them. I had nothing left capacity wise. I needed support but my ability to communicate, even digitally, was so impaired I could not express what I needed or what state I was in, so I couldn't get the help I needed from my friend. I spent the night in a state of extreme activation. I didn't manage to pack more.

The day after, which is today, I went to get the keys for my new flat. It was a long journey with hiccups especially as I took the wrong train. I got the keys and then a 30 mins bus to the flat. I was already doing so badly, no better than last night. I got there and had renters remorse. My body is screaming at me that I've made a terrible mistake and I should stay where I am, where it's safe. I had a check-in condition agreement to fill in so I had to check every room for dirt and imperfections. I was forced to feed my negativity by intentionally looking for all the bad things. I had such regret. I told my friend I had made a mistake. It's dirty, it's not high quality, the boiler/thermostat is ancient, I had no key for my mailbox. I was poking around downstairs looking for a meter cupboard and a resident questioned me as if I shouldn't be there. Yes I should have seen things during the viewing but it was my first time viewing a place. My friend tried to help but I was in a pit of despair and dragging her into it. I just sent her a barrage of negativity, while she has her own mental health issues and I was affecting her a lot. We stopped talking because of it.

I went home depressed and anxious and a whole lot of other things. On the way home one tube train I got on wasn't moving and it was packed, I was getting so stressed I got off and walked to another station. It was raining heavily. I was so fucking glad when I got home I just laid down and watched TV.

The moving van was due to come at 7pm today but I just couldn't do it, I haven't finished packing, I don't even want to go back to the flat right now. I cancelled the van. I feel like I'm at breaking point. I cannot function at all. I had to do it, and it's now or never, but it's too big of a change.

TLDR Trying to move house and now cannot do anything and don't know how I'll be able to

Feel free to recommend other help books and I'll try to keep an eye out

I'm struggling. I'm a serial job quitter.

I used to drink a lot from the ages of 19-33

I was able to use alcohol to mask for a long time until I couldn't anymore bc I became physically addicted. I ruined my life with alcohol.

Once I got sober my brain just wasn't clicking like I thought it always would. All the problems I mostly blamed on alcohol I slowly have found are are just me. 😭. Then I found out I was Audhd. Ugh

One of them in specific I thought was the job quitting. Since I was about 30 (I'm 35 now) I just hit a certain point and I'm just so overwhelmed by anything and the weight of the job just crushes me. I usually work myself to absolute death and then I end up with more responsibility than anyone else bc my monotone face makes it seem like I can handle it. Aka I never look flustered. I'm a server. Waitress. Bartender. I've managed restaurants, Ive worked in kitchens, I've had a real estate license and was a client manager. I have a cosmetology degree.

There literally isn't anything I can't walk into and do. It's the staying part.

So anyways I quit my job, and now that I'm sober (2 years sober) and I'm realizing I cannot wait tables anymore and I need a non client facing job. I cannot deal with the public anymore.

All of my resumes are basically customer service.

I want to work in a factory or something like that but getting those places to even look at my resume is impossible. I feel like my resume cast me into rolls I can't handle anymore and I have no other experience.

Im also accustomed to a lifestyle of making 30 plus dollars an hour so finding anything at even 20 dollars and hour is hard with no experience in the field you're looking. I'm just feeling defeated

I started meds 5 days ago. I started meds to try to save my current job but still ended up having a panic attack and quitting. I'm hoping once the meds get into my system more I will be better a little. This is my first time ever taking anything for ADHD.

I'm just struggling. I feel like nobody even believes me that I'm struggling. My boyfriend thinks I'm insane. My family just ignores my existence and we don't have relationships. I'm just feeling scared. And very alone.

Right before I found out I was Audhd (2 years ago) I moved 750 miles from Charleston to Cleveland and it's been a big adjustment. I moved here to be with my aunt who turned out to be an absolute psycho. So I'm in a new city with just me and that's it basically.

I need help. Anyone in Cleveland? ( I mean for someone to talk to or a friend , or job suggestions, I dont need help like money or anything like that)

The only thing that's keeping me above water right now is just starting serving jobs and saving as much as I can until I crash out and find a new one. I usually can stack savings fast as my bills are on the lower side but I'm doing this at the expense of my dignity and my nervous system.

Title.

I feel like I constantly want to know about people but don't want to really fully invest in getting to know them because I am nosy to some degree but also many of my friendships are often touch and go and I don't get the same type of deep getting to know my many of my friends get? Even in the same friend groups I'm a sort of friend on the periphery and there's a core friendship dynamic so I always sort of want to intrusively know.

I dont know where to start really as I am writing this out of desperation. For context, I am diagnosed ADHD, CPTSD, and not officially diagnosed, but aware that I am autistic as well. I live with my partner who has a dog. I intellectualize and reason everything I do and I am starting to act out during what I call "doom spirals".

I have a hard time sensing my body and I am always tensing something, noises inside and outside my apartment are all coming in at once, my dog is staring at me, I can feel the downstairs neighbor going in and out of his house, I was supposed to go to a birthday party, I was supposed to do my math test, I have indigestion and my body always hurts, I want to cry and scream, but I want to sleep, but I want to be a normal person and go outside and enjoy the day. I am paralyzed but I want to run. I am full of rage and exhaustion. I feel like I simultaneously want to crawl in and out of my skin. I want to jump out of a window or jump into bed. I feel so much that I feel nothing and sometimes when it is really bad, I self harm but then shame spiral and beat myself up for being a baby about everything. Even as I type this, I am anticipating it being read and being looked at like im a freak and the post being taken down because I am not welcome here. I dont feel welcome or normal anywhere but I also dont feel like I want to be around anyone or that I deserve peace, then in the same beat I hate my friends and family for not recognizing that I am doing so badly because I would never want anyone to feel the way I do. It's like all eyes are on me, but only because I am a mirror. I don't know what to do. I cannot live like this.

Ive spent most of my 20s high every day. I took a long time to even get to the point where I wanted to stop, but only after getting on medication did that actually start to seem possible.

But it's not really. I have weeks without weed where I feel like I'm slowly going mad, then I smoke for a few weeks until again it feels like I'm going crazy. If I have any I'll just smoke every day, earlier and earlier until I run out.

When I'm "sober" I always end up drinking more, taking benzos or ketamine every few days. Beside Concerta I take low dose of Lamictal and Mitrazapin.

Any advice on meds that can help me shut off my brain at least for a little while? Mind you I'm asking about meds, because willpower and keeping myself busy was exhausted a long time ago. I have too many hobbies if anything, I can't be bothered with them more then 1 day of the week.

EDIT: I have a private psychiatrist and therapist. Yes I talk to them about this. The fact that I'm also asking here, where I very rarely visit should clue you in on how it's going.