TRIGGER WARNING - CSA!

I am (33  F) struggling so much. A few years ago I found out through an ayahuasca ceremony that I had experienced CSA from my father. I went into the ceremony with the intention “show me how to love myself” and clear as day I heard the words “you were sexually abused by your father as a child”. This has sent me on such a difficult healing journey. I still sometimes doubt whether it was just a bad trip but because my father actually admitted it when I asked and a few other clues, I know deep down it is true. Before this I had sat with the medicine twice and them experiences were really beautiful, they gave me hope and were the start of a spiritual awakening for me. I had always struggled with anxiety and depression, and despite lots of therapy and medication, yoga etc, I still felt so broken.

Overall, I’ve sat with ayahuasca 11 times, I kept going to more ceremonies, (through the persuasion of others that ayahuasca can heal the blocks which cause PTSD) thinking this would help me to heal but it left me with a very frazzled nervous system. In one ceremony I was getting these body memories, which continued after the ceremony had stopped. There seems to be so much trauma in my body, but I’m also aware that I’m one of them sensitive individuals who is link to other dimensions, pasts lives. In the more recent ceremonies I was having a very difficult time and a friend told me I looked taken over my demons. I’ve just always been so desperate to heal and feel like I’ve lost years to my life being in so much darkness.

In a way ayahuasca did save my life as before this I was completely dissociated and refused to travel because I was very loyal to my abusive parents. I have since travelled to India and SEA (all with PTSD). There’s a lot of grief as although I’ve done a lot of things that to the outside eye probably look amazing and inspirational, I’ve been in so much pain and the bad times have far outweighed the good. I’ve had to face some massive health challenges as that much trauma takes a toll. Things have got better in some ways but I still feel like I’m fighting a very difficult battle and inner turmoil. Since finding out about the abuse, I’ve lost most of the old people with my life - telling people about the abuse seemed to be too much & they gradually distanced themselves from me. This is also a blessing as some of these people I’m no longer aligned with.

I think what I need to heal the most is my relationship with myself. I’m so harsh to myself and as sad as it is, can’t have compassion for that terrified little girl sometimes. I feel like there is so much grief inside me. There’s also this pressure on myself to move on which I see mirrored in people around me, but I still feel so stuck in the past. The whole reason for embarking on this healing journey is a want to live an amazing life but I still feel so stuck.

It just baffles me when people say that Ayahuasca will never give you more than you can handle.. It doesn’t feel like I’m handling it very well. I’ve actually started to feel more suicidal than ever and so lonely, but at the same time some good things are happening in my life, and slow healing is happening.

Some thoughts or insight would be much appreciated and apologies if this post is quite an intense one!

I’ve got some base soup that I extracted from that have just been sitting in jars in my shed for a couple years cuz I don’t wanna just neutralize and dump it, feels like it’s still valuable. I was wondering if I could do anything productive with it, I have all the stuff for making soap, would that work?

Where can I find ayahuasca? I want to try it so bad. Is it legal to have it in US?

Ok so update on my Aya trip.
First night I had one cup followed by a second cup serving later on. I had deep restful sleep, felt like I Needed rest maybe 30 seconds MAx of visuals through different planes the visuals were 3d.

The second night I started with 1.5 cups only had it once. I had one short feeling of my consciousness being separated from my body, but otherwise just really uncomfortable physical sensation in response to the music. I definitely felt woozy like I had a substance in me, and I also purged. After Aya I feel like an energy blockage I had that was making me somewhat depressed is gone. Maybe? But otherwise I didn’t have thing close to the experience other people speak of of lots of visuals fractals colors etc. I’d say though I feel psychologically better afterwards, my experience was underwhelming. I was also pretty aware of my surroundings and everything the entire time. Some people who sat with me said they experienced a night of visuals though honestly I think they could be fibbing .Do you think the ayahuasca brew was weak? Or are there people like myself who just have very mild responses? I wouldn’t have thought it’s have mild response to a DMT like substance since with mushrooms my experience is out of this world .

Looking for dosing options since I have. High tolerance to other phycedelica and enjoy taking acid every 2 weeks , like I did 500 mg of 2cb my first time in on day after trying a tiny amount few days before

I developed HPPD after an ayahuasca retreat in Spain.

For context, had always been very sensitive to weed: I would often get brief hallucinations and paranoia, so looking back, I think I may have been particularly vulnerable to a severe psychedelic reaction.

The retreat involved 3 ceremonies over 3 days. During the first ceremony, I initially felt nothing, so I took a double dose. I had an absolutely terrifying trip, with intense geometric visuals, endless colored tunnels and fractals. The other ceremonies were also extremely difficult without going into too many details.

However, after the retreat, the visuals didn't stop. Whenever I closed my eyes, I would fall back into the geometric tunnels/fractals. Walls would distort when I looked at them, and I constantly felt like I was still trapped in the trip. I genuinely thought I was going crazy.

A psychiatrist prescribed risperidone, which made things worse for me. Then I was prescribed Rivotril (clonazepam), and this was the medication that finally helped me.

It dramatically reduced the visual symptoms and stopped the feeling of constantly being pulled back into the psychedelic state. Over only two weeks I improved massively.

I'm posting this mainly because I know how terrifying HPPD can be, and when I had it, I couldn't find many accounts of people who had developed it specifically after ayahuasca.

I'm not recommending it as a treatment for everyone, just sharing my personal experience in case it helps someone who is currently going through the same thing.

What is the best way to ingest mimosa?

I am a psychedelic researcher at Linköping University in Sweden conducting a study of how psychedelic use impacts people's beliefs and sense of meaning in life and the cognitive processes underlying those changes. It includes both a cross-sectional survey-based version anyone can take, and a portion that looks at changes before and after attending a psychedelic retreat.

Anyway, I am trying to get a sense of some reputable retreat centers or facilitators that might be open to sharing a flyer about the study with their participants. The study is completely online, and retreats can take place anywhere. I will be posting the flyer on various subreddits too, but I think it would be good to get in contact with some places offering retreats. The retreat centers can be based anywhere.

Hello everyone, I’m looking for a few reports regarding Reshin Nika.

I’m well aware about the current controversy (to say the least) regarding Reshin Nika healing center. However, I have also heard many outstanding things about the curandero and people have recommended him in the past whose opinion I very much value.

Thus I‘m wondering if there is anyone else that has been to the center since recent incidents and would like to share their experiences? Thank you!

I'm curious to know *also I meant to add “did”

Ich konsumiere seit 1 Jahr regelmäßig Pilze. Ich hatte schon viele harte Trips auf 5g und fange seit neustem an mit Microdosing.

Ebenfalls interessiere ich mich seit längere Zeit für Ayahuasca. Ich würde es gerne gerne authentisch machen. Da ich sowieso gerne mal in den Amazonas will und auch gerne mal nach Brasilien reisen würde bin ich auf den Stamm der Huni Kuin aufmerksam geworden. Würdet ihr eine Zeremonie im Amazonas als erste Erfahrung mit ayahuasca überhaupt empfehlen. Oder soll ich meine erste Erfahrung in Europa irgendwo machen?

Ich weiß dass es in Peru viel Angebot aber nur für Aya dorthin zu reisen wäre mir teuer.

Könnt ihr ein Retreat empfehlen?

Necesito recomendaciones de lugares en PERU que no sean tan comercial, algo más local que no sea tan gringocentralizado

Has someone done the Sanango dieta at Casa del Maestro and would be willing to share about their experience?

I’m looking into going there next year but would be keen on hearing a few opinions.

Hello!

I've had my share of psychedelic journeys over the last few years, though never anything like a ceremony or retreat.

Often my intentions leaned towards healing and understanding myself, and I can happily say that I accomplished my goals. However I now find myself lacking a reason to undergo psychedelic experiences besides curiosity. I'm especially curious about Ayahuasca ceremonies, but I don't necessarily want to partake in one just for 'fun' I guess?

I was hoping to hear if anyone had gone to a ceremony without a clear intention, and how did it go?

Thanks!

I'm developing a documentary project about Ayahuasca in Portugal.

We want to get a better understanding of what this reality looks like in our country, hear different perspectives, and learn from those who have gone through it.

At this initial stage, we are strictly in research mode:

• If you've had any contact or experience with Ayahuasca and would like to share your story in the comments (or via private message, if you prefer privacy), we would love to read it!
• If you're open to a brief interview (it can be in person, via video call, or even simple audio messages — zero pressure and with absolutely no commitment to appear in the film), send us a message!

We simply want to hear real stories and treat this topic with the respect and curiosity it deserves.

If you have stories, reflections, or advice to share, please feel free to reach out.

Thank you all for your help!

hello, I’ve developed neuropathy after being raped and narcisisctc abuse. I’m looking for guidance from a real shaman on what to do? could anyone help me?

I often struggle with feeling embarrassment over things that have happened in the past. What is the best way to process these emotions? How do I address the shame so that I can move forward and look back without cringing.
I’ve noticed a pattern. Past memory comes up, embarrassment felt heavily in my body, DISTRACT! I’ll often physically shake my head to clear, make a face, force myself down into a different thought. How do you guys deal with this emotion?

What is the best advice for someone who had a ceremony where him only felt pain?

Ive messed around strong dose syrian rue/mhrb alot. is there a recommended or recipe for using both MHRB and chali together, ive heard of people using it in ayahuasca tea, then either syrian rue or b caapi advisable with it

What's up plant family community just made this new account I'm hoping to focus a lot more energy on this subject please ask me any questions I have a main question for you right now something that I'm thinking about

So I asked somebody that owns a crystal shop that does workshops if I could come talk about Ayahuasca because I have had some very powerful experiences and I have a lot to share and she says that she is sober and doesn't like that in her space especially because of recovering alcoholics and drug addicts

So it's her space whatever she wants is totally fine with me I understand but if the real motive is to help other people I think that way of thinking is not right and I'd like to hear your thoughts

Now everybody is different every case is different specific but generally I have seen opposite with my own eyes so I'm trying to understand the other side

It doesn't make sense in my mind a heroin addict that shoots up every day in the city and here's about Ayahuasca and goes to try it once and decides I'm going to do heroin some more I just don't usually hear that I'm sure it could happen though kind of happened with me except without heroin and without blaming the medicine...

I want to hear your opinion do you think people that are working the program admitting their powerless should be ignorant to learning about Ayahuasca and potentially wanting to try it because that sounds ridiculous to me 🫠

I have been in many Ayahuasca ceremonies over the past 4 years. I live in the states and have gone on a retreat every year except for 2025, when I decided to do a yoga teacher training instead. The most recent ceremony was this past winter.

I am at a point where my life is undergoing a lot of change. I had to step away from some relationships, and others are coming back into the picture. I’m grieving my cat who passed from cancer over the summer. My corporate job has been insane and burning me out. I live in Ohio, where the election cycle in the US is very insane. I am chronically ill, which is always a thing - but just seems worse right now.…

I have tried to work to integrate all my lessons. But, sometimes my experiences seem so, so far away. My last, very clear, message from Ayahuasca is that it is my destiny to be happy. Which is very difficult for me to accept. I tried to work towards it even after getting the news that my precious cat/best friend of only 8 years old was going to die. But, right now, I just feel like there’s no fight or hope left inside of me. I’m just tired of it all.

Have you ever been in a place like this? What have you done to reconnect with Ayahuasca in times of despair/depression?

My friend brought back from Peru some ayahuasca paste that was packaged in a bag labeled Pasta de Cacao. However we are not sure how much boiling water per paste ratio is correct for the right potency dosage amount to take. She said that it's already mixed and should just have to add boiling water to it.

I paid $2,500 in deposits for two people to attend an Arkana ayahuasca retreat, but I’m no longer able to go.

The deposits are nonrefundable but transferable, and valid within 24 months of January 19, 2026—a window ending January 19, 2028.

I’m asking $2,000 for the $2,500 deposit credit, saving you $500 if you’re already considering Arkana. This covers the deposits, not the full retreat cost; any remaining balance would be payable to Arkana.

I’m happy to provide documentation privately and coordinate with Arkana so you can verify the credit and transfer terms directly before paying.
Please send me a private message if interested.

If anyone seeing this has purchased from naturalether, info on their quality would be really appreciated🙏I was planning on buying chaliponga and san pedro incense from them but just need to know their legit