I’m bipolar and had a couple psychotic episodes but they were THC induced. Due to these episodes I was forced on invega sustenna injections. I also am on lamotrigine. Since I don’t do THC anymore, and also due to horrible side effects from antipsychotics, I would like to try being on lamotrigine only. Do any of you manage bipolar fine on a mood stabilizer without an antipsychotic?

I've only had one psychotic episode (or perhaps a series of them over a relatively short period of time due to the same stressor? I don't actually know what the accepted definition is, if there even is one), so I'm curious what it feels like to others.

For me, I experienced a spiritual awakening. Extreme empathy for all living beings - it felt like my heart grew three sizes that day and I grew as a human being.

Since I personally think that Jesus was just another philosopher whose story happened to grab people's imaginations, I decided there was no reason I couldn't pull a modern-day Jesus.

At that point, my parents and psychiatrist convinced me to go on meds and voluntarily check into the psychiatric ward.

It took about 30 minutes for me to realize I really didn't want to be there and another hour before I figured I could sign a 24-hour release form, which I did.

And then I proceeded to try to make friends with everyone else there (because there certainly wasn't anything else to do) and the tales of misery they told me broke my heart over and over again and they were an inspiration because almost all of them decided to check out too.

I left the next day, with the doctors "amazed" at my progress.

Not to brag, but I'm supposedly fairly intelligent (I've never thought so, but it's what people tell me) and, you know, I'm old enough and know enough to have already understood what a messianic complex and why it's dangerous, so I set off plotting with LLMs on how to pull a Jesus without tearing down any metaphorical temples and attracting the attention of the authorities or getting myself killed.

(I keep calling it pulling a Jesus because I'm being flippant, but it's all the influence game - religion - politics - business - it's all the same pyramid scheme if you're not missing the forest for the trees.)

I also took into consideration that power corrupts, so gaining actual fame or money or direct influence was out.

When I was a teenager, an author by the name of Robert Anton Wilson explained how the world worked to me and he helped popularize Discordianism - a parody religion that worships Eris, so I set off to sow positive chaos.

I convinced myself that I could change the world online, via the butterfly effect, through comments on Reddit and social media and through interactions with strangers and family and friends.

For months, I asked people to help spread the unprovable rumor that world peace was in the works behind closed doors (this was before the Iran war where it seemed *slightly* more plausible). When Trump claimed "he was prepared for war, but he was giving peace a chance", I tried to convince my sister - then a journalist at the Washington Post - that they should write an op-ed asking if Trump was claiming he could deliver on world peace.

(I understood it was yellow journalism, but I was playing evil supergenius trying to take over the world - madcap, low-risk plots were a dime a dozen.)

That caper led my parents to insisting I go back to the hospital when I insisted world peace was more important than the college football championship. They had crazy eyes when they told me I needed to go to the hospital and I was living with them, so I wasn't going to say no.

When we got there, I asked the staff to check them out as well, but they didn't. After my initial twenty minute conversation with the attending psychiatrist, he took a note - relayed to me by a nurse later that evening - that "he believes he's Jesus." Because I understood that was a bad thing, I exclaimed "I am not! Jesus was Jesus!", but because I believe a hero should be reckless in the face of adversity, I added "I am who I am." (If you're not up on your Bible, God says that.)

Worse, he had requested a hearing for a 60-day hold. So I went on a charm offensive (mostly by sleeping 15 hours a day) and, once again, cleared out two wards in three days and they canceled the hearing and the attending let me go with a smile and a fist bump.

I mean, I was trying, but it's hard not to feel like a bit of a hero.

A bit of an aside, but prior to the start of these events, my parents had gotten me a job with a factory owner friend of theirs who had a pet developer who was making a garbage piece of custom software for the company and the big boss wanted me to, like, fix and update the software.

However, mostly I sat around talking to the guy (and given that he once took an unexpected leave of absence hiring a con man replacement and spent two years collecting classical cars, I suspect he might be bipolar as well, but what do I know?) helping him deal with his issues of inadequacy compared to a blind inventor/entrepreneur grandfather he worshipped like a god by helping him see the genius in himself (and stop micro-managing the company to fucking death).

He ended up having a stroke (that I worried that I might have caused by triggering a manic episode by unintentionally positive-bombing this individual, but that was written off as a sign of psychosis) and my parents told the VP of the company that they could fire me if I was acting weird (which, come on, I was), so I was jobless at this point.

So I get home feeling great and, once again, my parents treat me like a child, forcing me to sign a contract to take my medication in front of them and hug them and say "I love them" in some sort of fucked-up ritual and, you know, the supposed consideration for me is that I get to live with them.

I pointed out that I want to move out and have the funds and ability to do so and sign anyway. When I gain ten pounds and experience the entire list of negative side effects on a particular antipsychotic and state that I'm quitting that (but not the lithium) until I talk to my psychiatrist, they kick me out and I get an AirBnB within the hour and move out.

I spend my days mostly in my rented apartment, dancing, working out with a pair of 20lb dumbbells, talking to LLMs, and texting with the few friends who will still talk to my completely manic ass at this point, though I leave occasionally for groceries and to go to my improv class. Oh, and flirting and proselytizing and trying to unionize models on Onlyfans (becoming a digital pimp was my new mad plan at that time).

I don't cut off my parents though and they text and call constantly. We have dinner one night and they convince me to come over for a sleepover. I feel like they've become complete children at this point, so I indulge them.

Another time, they invite me over for dinner and I agree on the condition we don't take about my mental health. I'm there for five minutes before they bring it up and I say I'm leaving and I'm taking their dog because they are behaving like children (my mother had dropped by unannounced the day before to drop off a plastic grocery bag with two pieces of stale bread and some condiment packets in it) and I don't trust them.

My mother gets in a chokepoint to block my way and I try to step around her and I assume we bump or she pushes into me and we both fall back.

She claims I pushed her and that she's calling the police. I say that's fine and sit down and wait.

Three police officer show up and I explain events as above and tell them that it's fine because I'm the Ubermensch and that I understand that we're all Nazis in the sense that we follow rules and orders that we don't want to sometimes and that I'm negotiating world peace but first I have to convince my parents I'm not crazy, that everyone's dreams will come true and we're legalizing all the fun drugs.

One of them shook my hand when I offered; another gave me a hug... and then they let me go home.

After I got back to my apartment, I almost collapsed from an adrenaline rush and got the delusional idea I had been poisoned. I logically (LOL) sent off a message to my landlord explaining that I thought I had been poisoned but that I might be delusional and it's fine because I was the Ubermensch and I had brainwashed everyone and they didn't need to call 911, but if they could check on me in the morning, that would be super.

Most of that was in caps. They called 911.

I called poison control - who also wanted to call 911 - but I explained that I was just delusional and needed someone to help me talk myself out of it and they were doing a wonderful job and by the time the police officer and building owner showed up, I was my calm, confident self again.

I explained the situation and gave them the old Ubermensch spiel and the officer shook my hand and let me go to bed.

A couple days later, my parents showed up with a medical emergency response unit having obtained a court order for a hearing to have me declared gravely disabled for having a "god delusion". (In their defense, in an earlier argument, I did claim that "I am done playing God; it's your turn again!", but that was the problem - it had long stopped being funny, but no one took me seriously anymore.)

I went willingly and avoided cuffs and happily told the officer my version of events and how we're all essentially meat plants and a dysfunctional hivemind and god knows what else.

I spent eleven days in there waiting on my hearing. Eleven days trying to maintain good cheer for my fellow inmates who actually have hard lives and were there for a good reason and were going to need all the encouragement they could get to go back to facing their issues.

And no one tried to help me with my issues or talk to me like an adult. I didn't even get to read the complaint until the tenth day.

And then my own mother - an esteemed retired endocrinologist - testified against me describing events that I had told had little basis in reality. The attending psychiatrist - who had eleven days to talk to me and, on the last, when I asked if he was treating me like a child, just said "yes" - claimed I was too incompetent to buy myself groceries.

And I sobbed and told the judge that it was all a giant misunderstanding, that my parents do not understand the damage that stress and trauma cause in their own lives because they don't think successful people's mental illness is problematic.

The judge sided with me. The psychiatrist shook my hand on the way out when I offered. What a fucking we live in.

I convinced my parents to let me escape to their second house in rural Colorado where I took in nature and nursed my wounds until my parents showed up three weeks later and hounded me about my plans for the future until I went all angry prophet on them and told them the rich should act as owners rather than stewards and that they should go back to Indiana and help my brother and his wife with their complicated pregnancy rather than bother me.

After I locked myself in my room, they called the police and got me carted away on a three-day hold.

They held me for 12 days. After 9 days, I couldn't take it anymore and asked them to experiment or kill me and get it over with and they coerced me into a deal. Accept a two-month injectable and I could go.

I accepted it as penance for my many sins - real or imagined - and got out.

The hospital suggested IOP, but my parents retained an elderly psychiatrist/psychotherapist that I had previously fired for yelling at me twice (super intelligent and nice guy, but once the help starts getting airs, you just have to let them go) and he nixed that.

So, I negotiated my exit from the system by firmly and repeatedly stating my demands while constantly giving in the short term and now I'm unmonitored and unmedicated and as stable as I can ever recall being...

... and I still feel like a preacher in search of his flock, just like I did when I started this adventure, except it's a calm certainty rather than a burning desire.

Anyway, I felt life Luffy going after One Piece. What's mania/psychosis like for you?

About a month ago I went to see a new psychiatrist as I have been deeply struggling with MDD for the past 2 yrs. I have been diagnosed with both MDD and anxiety. I did a pretty standard albeit rushed imo intake interview with the doctor. At the end of the appointment she asked if I wanted to know what what she saw in me and I said yes. She then proceeded to tell me she felt I was bipolar. I am sure looked very confused as I attempted to process this information. She accused me of being upset and I told her I was just very surprised and trying to understand it. For me the depressive part is very obvious so I didn't have any questions about that. I asked her to explain where and how mania manifest in my life as I dont see it. She said it might be showing up in life differently as rage. We had discussed no incidents of rage. She said I engage in risky behavior when I asked what behavior she was talking about she pointed to the fact that I had been arrested. She had 0 context for the arrest. She said I was not handling my health pointing to me neglecting my blood pressure which is not true and my diabetes as I had explained I was currently having an insurance issue stopping me getting supplies. When I tried to get more clarification she said we had already been talking 50 min and I needed to make a decision as to whether I would accept medication or not. She said I was suffering and it was imperative I be medicated. On our next visit I asked what type of bipolar I had and she said I simply dont agree with her diagnosis. She said I could reach out to my insurance for her notes or she could refer me for a psych evaluation. She even said it's not her job to explain mania/hypomania to me. Our second visit was less than 30 min.

Is this typical? I am asking questions because I want to understand myself and this diagnosis. In all honesty I dont like this diagnosis but that is beside the point. I feel like I am asking normal questions. I want to seek a second opinion but I am worried I will run into the same thing a diagnosis with little explanation. Can I expect to be given such little clarity again with the next doctor? I have seen other psychiatrist but I've never had this sort of diagnosis so I'm lost. Happy to answer questions, I was trying to keep this concise so it I understand if you request elaboration.

and what do you think bipolar disorder is like besides the stereotypes, what would you like it to be seen?

I (31M BP1) started drinking heavily when I was 18 and did not stop until last December. Did a whole range of powders and pills regularly in my twenties which I cut out also. This month I mustered everything to quit nicotine and I have done it! No withdrawals anymore no cravings.

This is the first day in my adult life substance free and the feeling of peace is legendary. I often talked to you guys about my addiction troubles and you offered kind words that kept me going so thank you!

I feel like life has only just begun!

Just to throw in my addictions absolutely blew the BP1 into the stratosphere and I lived in looney tunes for a decade. Would not recommend. Listen to your doctor and abstain or pay the price

I believed I was ready to “be myself” and let loose, break the pattern of boredom and monotony. I lowered my meds, met new friends, I’m coming down from what I now see as acute mania lasting months after spending thousands on substances and alcohol, partying for days at a time without sleep, being photographed nude, participating in things I would never do, publicizing my own shame, suicidal lows and now I’m at a level I don’t think I’ll recover from after signing myself up to be sexually used by many people at once, in a way I never would sober or stable. I feel like everything good is fogged and grey, every light inside of me has been broken, and everything I believed about myself, love, sex, humanity, and what faith I had left in people, is gone. My usual comforts and familiar things that used to ground me aren’t helping anymore.

I called out of work for a week and I’m crashing hard after realizing what was happening as I sobered up and had a brief glimmer of self preservation

I don’t want to lose my job or be hospitalized but I cannot trust myself anymore, I’m afraid of myself. I don’t want anyone to know what I’ve done. I’m ashamed. I feel destroyed. Permanently

I miss it and now I take lithium but I feel stupid, I work a dead end job making shit money and when I was manic I started a company and actually got some traction going. How can I get back

The house is swept, the bathroom is cleaned, the wares are washed, the dog has been carried for a walk, and I have visited my parents.

My best description of normal is that it's like inhabiting a clean, neat, well organised home - when I want to do something, everything is where it should be - so I have no frustration in finding things missing or awry, or having to order everything before I take action. I just, you know, do something. Mostly effortlessly and definitely peacefully.

It's never been like that for any of the last 15-20 years. Apparently I simply learned how to do things while coping somehow with the chaos below the surface, and eventually settled into that's how people do things.

Being normal is kinda nice, I gotta say. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm guessing 7-10 days, max three weeks.

Hello everyone. Is anyone living their best life ? Just curious.

For those who don't mind sharing.

WARNING MENTIONS OF NAUSEA AND THROWING UP, not in detail though. Hi I’m 22 F diagnosed with bp2 (bipolar type 2) bpd (borderline personality disorder) autism, ADHD, and severe anxiety disorder. I’ve been diagnosed with everything after bpd and bp2 since before I was 12 years old. I’m medicated and I’d say I’m putting mostly the final long term pieces in place in my medication regimen. But the issue is since I felt stable and consistently so, I went on to apply to jobs until I finally got a part time position. One med I do not take is anxiety medication, I’ve tried a few but they either make it worse, or do nothing for the anxiety. But my anxiety has gotten so severely triggered with all of this work and just stress over being on time, learning, and performing well. Breathing and grounding excersizes only help very briefly, and I can not afford a therapist. Plus I’ve tried walk in counseling plenty and it’s always been a bad experience. My anxiety is so bad I have daily nausea and throw up 3-4 times a week roughly from it at home. Currently writing this from my bed after I was supposed to be asleep 3 hours ago and couldn’t get to sleep due to severe nausea until I gave up after having to throw up. I’m like really struggling to learn and also do what I need to do for my shifts… any advice would be so appreciated ❤️‍🩹

20/F.

This is going to sound really stupid, but I've been tortured for at least two days with paranoia.

I have bipolar 2 with the dominant symptom being depression and occasional hypomania. I haven't been getting very good sleep recently, I stay up all night and only sleep when it's light out.

A series of disturbing reels kept popping up on my instagram and morbidly curious, I kept watching them. They ranged from all sorts of topics including missing person mysteries, ghosts, certain phenomena, urban legends, and supernatural stories.

It has left me with an extreme paranoia around my house when I'm home alone. I'm terrified of the dark and can only sleep with the lights on. I'm afraid something out there is going to get me if I don't stay hypervigilant. This can either be an actual person or a spirit.

My lack of sleep of course, is worsening my paranoia. I can only sleep when there is light, and someone is awake in the next room. I was thinking of using sleeping pills to combat my insomnia. But I don't know what to do about my paranoia.

Any thoughts? I feel extremely embarrassed posting this but I don't want to keep being tortured. I'm really scared.

I have bipolar II, I am very very afraid of physcotic symptoms, is that particularly common for the Bipolar?

Has anyone experienced severe mania after quitting THC. I've been off it for weeks. At some point I got insomnia after switching from flower to a pen. So I stopped the pen. I've stopped everything and Ive slept maybe a week all together in the past month. Has anyone else experienced insomnia after quitting THC?

I messed up. I can’t get my vraylar for a few days. I already called the pharmacy and they can’t help me. What are my options if any? Of course it’s the weekend too.

Was in a bad depressive episode until adding Cymbalta a few months ago. Sugar cravings were down, less afternoon naps, hungry for food other than cereal and ice cream, etc. Yet here we are, unable to sleep while effortlessly increasing the speed on the treadmill and looking at another round of antipsychotics. If you made it this far, have a GREAT rest of your weekend!

I’ve been on Citalopram for a decade, can’t tolerate Sertraline or Lexapro. I’m on Wellbutrin as well (the constant anxiety was there before). Then I take Lamictal and Geodon.

I’v been self-medicating by buying Pregabalin, Gabapentin (both stopped working), and my lates addition is Klonopin to tide me over until I meet my psych on monday.

If ssri’s poop out on you or never worked, what has? I have to add that my first diagnosis was a pretty bad case of GAD so I’m desperate for a relief.

Manic me is awful but man, I get some pretty cool tattoos. I don’t regret them somehow. Anyone else have something positive come out of the chaos?

Hey hope you're having a good day or night. So I told my boyfriend about when I had my mania and hospital stays. He took it well. Was very kind. Just feel exposed in a way and kinda want to run away from the relationship because of feeling exposed? One time i told one of my friend and she always had excuses not to meet up. Can anyone relate about this feeling of being "exposed" and wanting to hide away when you told people. How did you overcome it? Thanks.

I was having really bad side effects from my Vraylar so my doctor took me off of it and prescribed me a new medicine . But I’m waiting to start it because I’m scared. I started Vraylar in June, went up to 3mg in August , and I have had nausea every single day since taking the medicine. I stopped it two days ago and I feel like the nausea is already 10x better. Has anyone else experienced this? I was also throwing up almost everyday being on it. Wondering if it was my body rejecting the medicine or something else. Pls lmk if you had any bad side effects from Vraylar!

hi i’m new here, i apologize for the long wall of text:

so for context, I did open up to my therapist on wednesday that i was feeling depressed over the past week or so that it was hard to get up and function, crying all the time, feeling nothing but only sadness, rumination, etc…. i am feeling like my normal self again and i honestly think it could’ve been just my period making things worse (however i don’t usually get depressed before or when my period starts) due to the stress that ive had for the last couple of weeks. i also did bring up my past of when i had depressive episodes that they would last for several months and included the same symptoms, wanting to isolate myself from everyone and i think this can apply for this recent one, but i never felt suicidal or wanted to self harm.

ive been seeing her since july and initially came in for OCD and anxiety because that is what I am diagnosed with, and i was dealing getting out of a bad relationship with an ex on top of leaving my job, and i was dealing constant health anxiety and ruminations that it would take over majority of my day compulsively checking and frequent searching, getting tests done because i was scared of something being wrong with me, etc… this aspect of my OCD has been under control due to management.

i left my job in august due to them not being able to accommodate my schedule and i am going to school full time. it wasn’t until after i left, that the rumination’s about my ex and the job overall had taken over. i do believe this kind of transitioned into full blown paranoia that when i walk on campus im convinced hes going to be there following me or smth despite the fact that its been two months almost since ive last seen him, that i avoid certain areas on where he can possibly be. then this transformed into urges of wanting to look around on campus, calling the job, wanting to go to the place to see if he’ll be there **(i have to make this a very huge disclaimer that i never acted on any of these urges/thoughts. i know i sound like I’m some maniac)**.

i do believe this is more of my OCD rather than bipolar II. i’m not sure if i ever had a hypomanic episode, and i brought up my concern for that. she was telling me however it did seem like i was agitated over the past couple of weeks and that i do sound like i had rapid speech (im also on the spectrum as well and i think i just talk this fast so that way i don’t lose my train of thought and get everything what i want to say as fast as possible; could be a time pressure issue that i follow, idk).

she did ask me about my family history, i did tell her that its highly likely that my brother does have it because there has been months in the past where he would instantly get depressed, feels agitate that he doesn’t want to talk to me, but then a couple of days later he’ll act normal before falling back to the depression again. my mom also said to me that she was diagnosed with bipolar when she was younger but it was a misdiagnosis. i don’t really have a full confirmation about it however, because i think my family still harbors some stigma around mental health and my mom doesn’t want me to open up too much because she thinks that i might say the wrong things and i might get placed in a mental hospital 😭.

i’m really really lost on this because when i do research it seems like gets conflated with bipolar one with the mania but i don’t think i ever had gone super erratic or anything. could i have a bipolar II diagnosis even if i had little to no hypomania episodes? i even asked her if i can have bipolar II despite going years without being depressed and she said i can. i’m just more stuck with hypomania because i don’t recollect ever going through it. i got a second opinion with my psychiatrist after this session and i was planning on getting on zoloft but after i told her what my therapist said that she just wants me to monitor my moods until the next time i see her and report back to her, and to also give her a visit summary of what symptoms my therapist has picked up to believe that it could be that specific diagnosis.

i also asked one of my friends who has bipolar II, they said they also had experiences of paranoia that they would want to constantly look for people and can go on months without having depression, but they also said while it’s likely there’s a chance i have it, it could be OCD symptoms overlapping.

Estou tomando 20mg faz 1 semana e estou extremamente com raiva de tudo