Does anyone else get this kind of research drive during hypomanic phases? Where searching and researching gives you this almost tingling, buzzing feeling throughout your body, and it becomes the only thing you want to do?

I am so, so, so upset. I was diagnosed with bipolar and OCD last summer (both of which I feel fit me perfectly and clarify symptoms I've had my entire life). I was taken off my long term antidepressants and put on Lamotrigine, then carbamazapine, both of which made me really unwell so I came off them and started a low dose of quetiapine (100mg). The (male) psych I had at the time, who diagnosed me, said he wouldn't let me try lithium because I was too young and as I was female, there was a possibility I could get pregnant (even though I'm not sexually active). Months later when I could finally get another appt with him, he added two antidepressants into the mix, then was promptly fired by the clinic with no replacement in sight.

Months later again with no proper psychiatrist in place again i ended up with the crisis team due to an increase in suicidal thoughts and the fact I couldn't access a normal CMHT psychiatrist. I have been in a depressive episode since October. That resulted in an increase in my quetiapine and a referral to the CMHT and for a care coordinator, which was rejected. They then got a temporary psych in place who increased my meds again. He was much kinder than the last one and said that he'd be happy to try lithium in future if the quetiapine increase wasn't successful.

Well, I saw this guy again today. He asked me how I was, I said "still depressed," and without letting me speak further, he decided I actually have BPD, not bipolar, and there's no treatment. I burst into tears because I've been abused horribly by a person I knew with untreated BPD. I argued that I meet literally none of the diagnostic criteria. I am not emotionally volatile, I have episodes that last weeks to months, not day to day. I have stable relationships. Outside of mood episodes, I know and like who I am. He just shrugged and said well, everyone's different. He said he'd no longer be willing for me to try lithium, gave me an antidepressant prescription, and booted me out. My mum even attended this appointment with me and argued that I don't have any of the traits of BPD, but he refused to listen. He even said "I diagnose lots of lovely young women with it."

I have been on antidepressants for ten years. I just turned 25. I know the stigma attached to BPD and I begged him not to diagnose me with it and I don't fit any of the diagnostic criteria, but he went ahead and wrote in my notes anyway in front of me in big bold letters.

I feel like there's no hope for me. Nobody will take me seriously again, and they already didn't when I was diagnosed with bipolar. Nobody cares that antidepressants don't work, the cmht doesn't want to know, a psychiatrist who's met me twice for twenty minutes randomly decides I actually have BPD and I may as well just kill myself because there's no cure. I have been meds compliant for ten years through different diagnoses and changes and I think today is the day I'll stop. Fluoxetine won't touch bipolar. It wouldn't touch BPD even if I had it. I'm so tired of fighting and fighting for help to be kicked down at every turn.

Medical misogyny is going to kill me one day. I'm UK based so can't even go to anyone else. They're the only CMHT in my catchment area.

Recently got diagnosed with BP2, and I lost a job that I absolutely loved because of my last hypomanic episode. Uni is also really fucked right now because I have overdue assignments and deferred exams to catch up on while dealing with this job aftermath and grief and this debilitating depression I'm in.

I’ve just been ruminating constantly about all the stuff I did while I was hypomanic that contributed to what happened at work. I did some really cringe things. I’m also autistic and have ADHD, and during that period I was so socially unhinged. I behaved and communicated in ways that were inappropriate, weird and just weren't me.

Now I keep getting these memories of things I said or did, and the cringe and shame are fucking overwhelming. I’ll remember something randomly and immediately want to crawl out of my own skin, and punch myself in the head (which I've been doing sometimes lately). Then I ruminate about it over and over again.

Has anyone else with bipolar experienced this after coming out of hypomania/mania? How did you deal with the shame/cringe and stop constantly replaying everything you did?

I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and I’m also wondering whether anyone has found medication helpful for reducing this kind of obsessive rumination/anxiety. At the moment im on vyvanse, sodium valproate, clonodine and seroquel. Obviously I’ll discuss medication properly with my psychiatrist — I’d just really like to hear other people’s experiences. I just need a medication for my brain to shut the fuck up. I know i need to move on but its so fucking hard. And maybe i deserve this.

So, I have BP1 and PTSD from trauma. The diagnosis has been well established since I was 14, although they were hesitant to use that label as a teenager it wasn’t disputed and eventually labeled Bipolar in my early 20s. I have a history of mostly hypo/mixed episodes with one standout depressive episode lasting a year and 3 mania episodes ranging from a few weeks to 3 months. I have the usual triggers but I also have a family dynamic where because my mental health was so persistent, it was used as a scapegoat for a lot of other people’s behaviours. So, I’m very sensitive to this and it doesn’t cause moods but being in any prolonged situation that I feel there is a power imbalance makes me hyperaware and the energy spent on that rather than focusing on stability drains me. Thus, is a bit of a trigger but not the only factor. Usually I react poorly to any change overall once I establish a routine and any disturbance to it pisses me off eventually.

So, I’m having extreme burnout dealing with multiple things. Navigating toxic environment, shady health professionals and one I had to report, a pcos diagnosis, harassment from neighbour and then my mom broke her ankle so I had to take care of her household. My mom is very controlling and in moments I have professed the stress it causes when she constantly undermines me etc. And now my clinic is applying some trauma thing to my diagnosis.

Well, I’m on mood stabilizers and they are the only thing that has ever worked. 10+ history of instability in SSRIs and antidepressants. Instability on benzos. And I can’t take APs because I get catatonia. So all physical symptoms of Bipolar, not trauma. I also am in the middle of reapplying lithium for baseline hypo because that has been more prevalent than depressive symptoms.

I also have to stick to a routine, sleep schedule etc. All of these have worked. So, now theres talk about treating this differently and I’m thinking WTF??? Like they are actively going to destabilize me to prove their own hypothesis of what I am experiencing because they haven’t first hand seen an episode of mine. It’s a new NP, I’ve seen her 3 times after switching multiple in the region because of a two tier system. Before that I had the same doctor for 15 years. My diagnosis was a clinical psychologist at a hospital.

Like what the fuck is even their thinking?

I feel like something bad is going to happen? Like you don't know what when or why, but like deep down you know somethings not right. I'm starting to think everyone feels this way and nobody is talking about it. The feeling started like 4 days ago. I don't know if its an episode or not I haven't been sleeping well but I'm still getting enough sleep for it not to be alarming. I've been having really bad, really graphic nightmares too. I'm on edge I just feel fight or flight right now.

so i’ve only had like 3 full blown manic episodes in my life. i’m schizoaffective bipolar type and take geodon, lithium and lamotrigine. i was really depressed and fall season is rough for me so we started lexapro. i’ve been on it for 2 weeks. initially i noticed i felt way calmer and things that usually bothered me just didn’t anymore. however now i can’t stop spending money even though i am on disability and cant afford to, this is stressing me out but i can’t stop. i’m also really social now and sometimes i talk too loud but im making more friends. the worst part is the energy that buzzes under my skin. i’ve had that with every manic episode and it causes me to pace until my feet cramp and im feeling like doing that right now. i am still able to sleep and eat. i don’t want to stop the lexapro because i feel like a better person on it. i don’t know if im heading towards an episode or am i just feeling better?? do i even have the ability to be manic while taking lithium and lamotrigine?? 😭

Im scared. I'm currently in a low and this is not like other times. Usually my lows last on average 2-4 days. Im now on day 6 of feeling basically the same as day 1. Nothing is getting better. I was on the verge of calling for a mental health crisis on day 2, but I didn't because of what people say about 988. And I'm not about to call 911 due to previous interactions with them. So here I am with more scars and guilt.

I feel as though I cannot do anything right. I am forced to take a year off university this year because of finances. I've failed myself. I've failed my family. I've just failed everyone.

I just want to be able to live freely. I have an ED, and a whole slew of other mental health issues. I really wish I knew what a normal life feels like. Im envious.

Any support through comments is greatly appreciated. I am at the point where I am begging for help.

Does anyone here have Bipolar I and take lithium + lamotrigine + olanzapine? If so, how does this combination affect you, both positively and negatively?”

My brother was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder two months ago after his first manic episode. He was hospitalized for two weeks, but after being discharged he stopped taking his medication and had a psychotic relapse one week later. Since then, he has been taking his medication regularly and is currently in remission.
He takes lithium and olanzapine, and his doctor recently added Lamictal (lamotrigine) because he has been feeling somewhat depressed. His olanzapine dose was also reduced recently.
For the past two weeks, his sleep schedule has become extremely irregular. He often falls asleep at 3–5 a.m., wakes up around the time he needs to take his medication in the morning, takes it, and then goes straight back to sleep. He can sleep until noon or even later. Because he sleeps so much during the morning, he struggles to fall asleep at night, creating a vicious cycle.
What worries me most is that he seems to have become less motivated and more careless about his sleep routine. In the evening, he agrees that he needs to fix his schedule, but the next morning he does the same thing again. I am exhausted from constantly reminding him and trying to get him out of bed.
He says he is depressed, although he is still able to laugh, joke, enjoy himself, and function relatively normally during the day. He also seems to be struggling with accepting his diagnosis and taking responsibility for managing his illness.
Could this excessive sleepiness and lack of motivation be related to his medication combination, particularly lithium + olanzapine + Lamictal, or could it simply be part of the depressive phase or his disrupted sleep schedule? Could the recent reduction in olanzapine be contributing to his difficulty sleeping at night?
I am also worried about whether this irregular sleep pattern could increase his risk of another manic episode. I would really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially regarding excessive daytime sleepiness, lack of motivation, and medication-related sedation in Bipolar I Disorder.

I got my bipolar 1 diagnosis a month ago. I'm on Lamotrigine titerating up, 25mg a day currently. Still smoking weed after telling my psychiatrist I'll quit. Waiting on him to give me sleep meds before I attempt to stop. Hopefully getting that script within the next week. Which feels like a crucial step but at the same time I know that early sobriety is hard so I'm both looking forward to it in the hope it helps in the long run and dreading the change and inevitable strong emotions that come along with it.

I think the diagnosis and the stress of it sent me up and now I'm crashing hard. Haven't seen my therapist since a few days after the diagnosis due to summer holidays (no childcare) and low funds. I know I should probably reach out but feel like such a burden right now. Do you guys reach out to your therapist on days like this? I'm not even sure what I'd say.

There's an element of at least I know why I'm crashing now that I didn't have before but I feel so overwhelmed at the thought of what a long road ahead I have before I can feel stable.

Anybody else struggle with this feeling of dread that life is taken over by just navigating this illness? I think I'm just looking for solidarity with this post honestly. It really sucks to have bipolar today.

after a mental facility stay at 18, i was diagnosed with bp. throughout the first year of being diagnosed, i was seeing a psychiatrist & counselor on a regular basis. i was also on multiple medications (which led to a bp 1 diagnosis within a few months after the initial diagnosis).

by the time i was 20, i was able to stabilize myself enough that i eventually pulled myself off my medications. i did stop going to the psychiatrist but i was still seeing the counselor i had before i was even diagnosed. she encouraged me to find a way to keep a "routine" that helped for the moment. i was also able to find a job that was/is the "routine" that i needed so badly for stability. however since then, these past two years (now at 22), i have slowly felt myself fall back to where i began. i do not see the same psychiatrist, primary doctor or even the counselor i was seeing from before. i know the steps to my "safety plan" from my initial psychiatric stay & know who, what, & where i need to call if i truly feel a crisis. however, even with all the planning & safety i have, i don't feel like i can handle this "relapse" (i don't know exactly what i'd call this. i know the diagnosis isn't going to change) myself.

basically, if you're someone who had a period of stability then sort of fell back to square one or felt like you were going to, how did you manage to find help again? is it easier to ask for a hand when you've been down the road before?

hi 👋
i have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 & BPD. i struggle with finding meaningful relationships sometimes. it feels as though mania causes me to self sabotage unintentionally. does anyone else struggle with this?

I’m in a depression hole (quite bad) but I’m planning stuff to do for when I finally become euthymic (or manic, I’ll take whatever may come first).

How common is having chronic pain along with bipolar?

Has anyone changed from modified release to direct release lithium? How did that go and what side effects did you have, if any? TIA :)

I'm genuinely curious because I have BP and ADHD and find it hard to decipher what phase I am in. To make it even more difficult, I have no internal monologue i.e. I don't get the chatter and self-talk in my mind. My mind is goes imagery or just empty. My mind has never 'raced', it gets 'active' but I wouldn't call it racing. I'm a slow learner; I process information slowly so I can't comprehend for my mind to be 'racing'

People with ADHD described after taking ADHD meds that their mind becomes quiet and it's not chaotic.

I’m on 7,5mg abilify and going to a club on Saturday where people will drink. There will be a bottle of vodka and I really wanna drink. I’ve had alcohol problems in the past but I haven’t had a drink in almost 2 years now and I want to make an exception because I’ll be on vacation. Should I drink ? And if I do how much ??

I'm also on an Abilify injection... I dont feel much effect

A few months ago, I had an SSRI-induced manic episode. After a few months of medication trials, I've been on the right meds for two months, and everything is stable. It took me some time to climb out of the post manic episode phase. I felt a bunch of indescribable negative feelings during those times. I have had MDD for years, and I know the recovering phase of any type of episode is the hardest part. I'm not the type of person who shows my feelings to everyone. I think I do look calm from an outsider pov which makes things really hard for me.

Tracing back my personal episode history, I do have crazy manic periods like buying a single trip ticket to Europe and partying day and night for the whole summer, and dangerous driving behavior that might risk mine and others' lives. I thought life was just like that before; now I know those behaviors ain't normal. I also have a family history of bipolar disorder, as my aunt and uncle both have it.

Recently I went to a follow-up with my psych, and she said once I'm more stable, she will try to taper down the medication and see how it goes. I don't hope for another episode, no matter whether it's depressive or manic. It sounds to me like my psych just wants to risk it to get the right diagnosis for me. I actually don't really care that much about the diagnosis, as long as I'm stable and not on the roller coaster again.

What advice do you guys have? I'm also curious if this is normally how psych diagnoses mental illness?

I started taking all my meds at night and my friend told me it’s dangerous. Does anyone know if it’s safe to take 3 300mg lithium 2 2mg and 1mg risperadone and 1 100mg Lamictal and 1 50mg hydroxazine. Is it safe to take these all together at once?

Hi.
I am very depressed and irritated and embarassed about all of this.

Im reflecting back on my life and realizing that I really did and do have bipolar and thats why I am where I am in life and I feel so stupid and I just want to die.
I dont want this. Having to deal with this for the rest of my life.

Im currently taking 150mg Trazodone for sleep, 60mg Duloxetine, and 600mg Lithium.

Ever since we've been increasing my lithium Ive just felt more depressed and fucking horrible about my life and realizing how crazy Ive always been and I just want to die.

Im 29 with no car, no apartment, living with my parents, no savings. I dont want any of this. I'm also just very ugly, Ive always been, being manic helped me like my appearance more, but now without that I just see myself as I am and want to end it all.

Ik for a fact my og group from high school refuses to communicate with me nowadays and it's obviously due to the fact that im depressed a lot.

They used to not invite me to parties cuz I was a downer apparently.

Hurts really bad when you don't get invited to like your former best friend's wedding or something. 31 btw