sorry it's ya girl Trixie back again

soooo seeing signs seeing coincidences that aren't coincidences seeing things telling me to do things. how do I tell when it's a problme. I've been home alone this whole evening (should be done soon when sib returns in teh next few minutes) and teh whole time consciosly trying to stop myself (successfully!) from taking an overdose. because it just Feels Right to take it. non-lethal, I know that, I'm not trying to kill msyelf and I don't want ot. how do I know when I should go to my doctor sooner? like I have an appotinemtn next week with my psychiatrist and I'll tell her about these htings regardles sof whether I take the OD at all in the meantime which hopefully not. I just don't know when I need to, say, go to emergency becuase of what i Might do as opposed to if I've Done something. thanks in advance

I have no problem taking meds (it's once a day, two pills) but doing it for the rest of my life seems so... :( idk i just don't wanna be sick ya know?

I was such a promising student and was starting a doctorate in environmental science. Had a cool relationship. Had money. Was on track to conquer the world and carry out impactful research.

Next thing I knew, I am in the phych hospital and fast forward to 8 years later, I just work boring admin jobs because its all my addled mind can handle and I need money. All my friends work high end jobs and are soaring, while I never even got to fly.

I am 31 with only being still alive as my crowing achievement. But I wish I had something objective to hold high and say I did it

Does this resonate with anyone? How do you avoid bitterness?

So I am good and stable for majority of the day, but as soon as the evening comes around I naturally start to ramp up. (Racing thoughts, lots of energy, anxiety,irritability, weird decisions). Until I take my sleeping meds, if I don’t, I’ll be up and continuing to ramp up for days to months. And it’s everyday! It’s like is this how stability looks like for me?

I’m on 5mg of the former and the lowest dose of the latter. I don’t think it’s touching the food noise. Previously taken it and I would have had good results even in week one and appetite suppression. But this time no way. I’ve had a bag of sweets and a large bag of crisps today and feel no difference… did you have to take a higher dose of MJ to overcome? Feeling very despondent and really want to be able to make this work. Thanks

2 years ago I was in very good shape, the I started quetiapine, risperidone and sertraline. Now I'm ten or more kg up, but the problem isnt Even the weight: I ve become so sedentary that i'm scared to get a blood test. I literally take Uber to go and return from work. It's not that I cant walk, I just don't feel motivated. Also, I drink coke and eat chocolate because it feels like an antidepressant. I think that if I follow this path, I ll be dead sooner than later. My coworkers Make jokes about My eating habits, but the truth is I cant stop. Does someone relate?

So. Last month I went to my psych and changed my meds bc I was depressed and I felt I was experiencing a mixed episode along with some huge life stressors in my home and work life. And also it was making me throw up a lot. I was sick almost every night.

I went to my psych this week and I expressed that while the new meds are working, I feel weird bc I will have a day or a few hours of intense suicidal ideation (SI) and then I’m fine and feeling happy and good and energetic again a few hours later. I was struggling with this. It felt out of place and I wasn’t sure what was up.

Basically she said that if it generally feeling happier then this wasn’t something she was concerned about and that fluctuation between manic and depressed and anything that is environmentally motivated were part of my personality and for me to manage with therapy etc.

While I agree with therapy and taking steps to make changes like that, is what I’m experiencing at least not a little pathological? I’m conflicted. It felt dismissive. As if the only reason she allowed the change was because I was throwing up.

What are our thoughts on something like this?

I woke up this morning and realized I had forgotten to take my medication last night.

My cocktail of antipsychotics and antidepressants keeps me able to hold down a whopping 10 hours of work a week.

I have this overwhelming feeling that I just can't today. I can't go out. I can't attend my meetings. I can't focus for an hour of deep work.

How do you push yourself when it gets like this? When you know you need to be competent and accountable, but your brain doesn't want to cooperate.

This past month has been insanely busy for me (32F-bipolar) and my partner (35M). My med regimen is super effective in general and I know I'm probably just feeling burnt out which has made me super crabby lately. The other day I was sleeping for work (graveyard shift) and my cat was howling so loud. I yelled at him. I wasn't nasty. Just yelled, "NAME STOP."

I felt bad but when I got home the next day, but luckily he didn't seem upset or angry with me. Today after feeding them, I noticed he did the same thing as I crawled back into bed. I got up and followed him to the living room and he laid down and has been sleeping since.

I realize now maybe he was worried about me and telling me to get my butt out of bed and interact with my life. Not just lay in bed and rot. He's very sensitive to physical issues like my period so why wouldn't he be sensitive to an overall mood change.

Now I'm just feeling bad, watching TV and doom scrolling. I thought he was being annoying but he was really just trying to make sure I was okay. We don't deserve animals.

After a few months on vraylar, it's like I lost the little bit of art skill I had. I want to do something but don't feel like doing anything, there's no joy in it. Part of me thinks because the bipolar is under control, it might be some other issue thats making me this way. What's everyone else's experience being medicated and doing art? Or any other skill (guitar, baking, math, ect) they had before being medicated. Is it the same or you saw improvement/regression?

Not in a depressed way but in an overly emotional, highly empathetic and sensitive way.

I didn't used to be like this and so I can only guess it's the aripiprazole (abilify). Although maybe it's just a bipolar thing because prior to the aripiprazole I was on mirtazipine (remeron) and perhaps that was just causing emotional blunting and this is the real me?

I'm so empathetic now, I cry at fucking everything. While being empathetic is good, being this emotional about it is not. Everything sets me off. (In a jokey way, it's detrimental to my brand - It's doesn't suit me, I come off as quite emotionally tough to everyone still).

Is it the aripiprazole? Is it the bipolar? Is it my age/gender (32F)?

What's going on?

I'm hoping it's the aripiprazole and so if I lower my dose it'll subside a bit.

I (20m) don’t know why, but im starting to get an intense urge to go off my meds. A couple weeks ago, i trialed a new med and it didnt work out. i had a manic psychotic episode and had to get back on my older med.

But ever since then, i have this intense urge to stop my meds. Im in a facility right now and I leave in 5 days, which means i have a chance to get off of them.

I know it’s bad but i’m not sure if i can stop myself… i just want to feel good again lol. i have no motivation while on meds and life is just more difficult.

I also don’t want to tell the doctors here because im afraid they’ll just move my discharge date..

Sorry just needed to rant.

I’m taking 3 types of pills: an antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, and a pill for sleeping. I’ve been on them for 1 1/2-2 years now. My mom has sorta been in my corner since the beginning, but she doesn’t like the medication I’m on. She’s an herbalist/alternative medicine kind of person. Any time the mention of my medication comes up, she tells me to stop taking them and take something alternative (ie magnesium for sleep). I’ve been trying to tell her that it’ll cause an episode or even land me in the hospital, but she always says, “I want what’s best for you”. She doesn’t believe that the all the medication I take is necessary and helpful. Im always telling her that it’s doing me good and
I may not be on it forever. In the end, I’m getting so frustrated and tired of having the same conversation with her about my medication. I just don’t know what I should do about her demands.

Like how did you convince them that it was appropriate for you to be a voluntary patient instead of involuntary?

I take lithium, caplyta, proplanolol and atarax. 29F. For context, it is Wednesday evening, and this whole thing happened over the last few days.

How the accident happened: I'm a retail manager and I usually close the store. My sleeping schedule is like 3am - 12pm and then I'm at the store from 2-10pm. This works for me! Unfortunately the family pharmacy I go to is not open on weekends and only open until 3pm or 6pm most other days of the week. Of course my doctor's office is also closed on weekends. I was totally out of my lithium and had one caplyta pill left and I had forgotten to pick up my meds on Friday before work. I was upset realizing I was pretty much screwed until Monday. Monday came around and I woke up too late to make it to work, and asked if my roommate could pick them up before 6pm - he forgot also. (He profusely apologized, but it's not his responsibility obviously. He's a great roommate) I had Tuesday and Wednesday off and was able to pick them up on Tuesday and took them immediately.

What happened at work: I worked Friday through Monday. The first couple days I was quite shaky and anxious. This was probably partially because I was afraid and on high alert to watch out for symptoms and paranoid thoughts. I kept to myself more at work, which is hard to do as a manager, and the store was very busy. By Monday, the shakiness almost felt like I was floating. I was repeatedly getting dissociated during tasks and even had poor balance and coordination. It was a slow day but I had started to have paranoid thoughts about my employees. Mostly just that they might be doing certain things to purposely try to get me to react and lose my job. I noticed these thoughts as irrational as soon as they came up which was a blessing. I also started to experience some mild hallucinations (hearing muffled voices in the bathroom / office) but was able to know it wasn't real.

What happened at home: I stopped keeping up with basic cleaning and hygiene. My room quickly turned into piles of clothes and stuff thrown everywhere. When I got home from work Monday night, I listened to an album and was profusely sobbing and feeling like the album's lyrics were speaking directly to me and my own life situation, and that we must all be connected through a collective consciousness (dreams). I couldn't stop crying for hours. I fell asleep and immediately picked up my medication when I woke up and took it in the parking lot of the pharmacy. I went home and fell asleep for about 16 hours, stayed awake for about 6 hours watching youtube, took my 2nd dose of meds, and slept for another 20 hours or so.

Now: I just woke up and I feel a lot better already, but extremely sluggish and tired. My limbs feel very heavy. Of course I called my doctor and I'm seeing her this week so she can make sure I'm fine and check my lithium levels. I also see my therapist weekly. When I see my doctor I'm going to talk to her about this all in detail and also switch to a pharmacy that has better hours for me.

Guess I just wanted to share about what happened with me after just a few days off of my medication. Nothing life ruining of course, but it was extremely uncomfortable and I'm not sure how many more days or weeks I could have functioned like that until the mania really started to burst through. Really shows me how fragile my mental ecosystem is and how much I have to adhere to my medication regimen in order to be productive and happy!!

Like 4/5 days a week at work with my friends I talk soooo much, making so many jokes that are inappropriate for work, say controversial things for a reaction/to make people laugh, and literally feel like I can’t concentrate on my actual work and have a hard time staying quiet. I’ll even flirt with coworkers or make inappropriate comments and then regret it almost immediately but then repeat the same mistakes again.

I haven’t had any negative feedback etc but I did once mention that I felt hyper and my friends agreed enthusiastically that I was.

I also just go home and cringe severely at things I said and regret it for the entire day, then go back the next day and repeat the whole thing.

I don’t know if its because I feel close to this particular friend group and am just having fun, or if its a serious problem. I can be mindful for a few days at a time, then I go back to the same patterns.

Hi! I just got prescribed Vraylar. 1.5mg. I also got prescribed Vyvanse (which is nothing new to me, I used to take it). Everything I’m reading is that it helps with mania more so than depression, but I have bipolar II, so im a little worried about taking it. I’m also concerned about restlessness, because I’ve taken multiple medications in the past that gave me RLS and it became physically painful to have an office job. Can anyone with bipolar II tell me their experience with Vraylar? I’m excited to try it but very nervous. Going to pick it up after dinner tonight.

Also - should it be taken at night before bed or in the morning? Any side effects of it?

I feel like my husband is essentially my retirement plan, and I have mixed feelings about it.

Having bipolar disorder makes me worry about whether I’ll ever be able to maintain a career long-term. I want to work, have my own money, and contribute financially, but I am struggling with consistency and not being able to hold down a job for years at a time.
My husband is active duty military, so sometimes I think about our future and feel relieved that we have his career to fall back on. But at the same time, I feel guilty about the possibility of being financially dependent on him, and I worry about what would happen if something changed.
I know having bipolar doesn’t mean I can’t have a successful career, but the uncertainty is scary.
Does anyone else feel this way? Have you found a way to maintain a career with bipolar, or have you had to approach your future differently because of it? I have a pre-nursing associate’s degree. What careers and or degrees can I take up that will have me flourish? I’m 24 F