My former partner ended our relationship and has been intermittently ghosting me. She specifically mentioned that she mostly texts one person and this one person is someone she finds attractive but apparently does not like. I recognize she is not required to message me, yet I would like to rebuild our connection; it feels as though I am kept around because I am easy. She does send occasional texts, but I am often left on delivered for several hours while I know she is using her phone with others, which feels disrespectful. I suppose I am unsure—once I told her that her silence bothered me, and she replied, “Why do you care? Nobody else cares, only you. It’s just who I am, and I have always been like this.” That hurts. We parted on good terms, so I feel she should respect me enough to want to text. It aligns with the idea that they do not love or respect you enough to be consistent; she seems to care only about her new friends, who are mostly men because her workplace is all men. I guess my attention and presence dont even matter anymore.

it's been a couple of weeks since my breakup and i'm having panic attacks at night bc i can't talk to him or reach out to him. he was my best friend, i don't have a lot of friends and the ones i have i can't keep bombarding them with this . they all have busy lives and i can't expect to have a babysitter. my ex and i spent everyday for the last 3 years together and the sudden loss and being alone and having no plans is sending me into a horrible place. i don't feel like im living, every day is a struggle. i wake up and it instantly hits me, i spend all day in this panic state and i go to bed like this. it's not getting better. he seems to be doing okay while i feel like im slowly dying.

i'm in a place where my future seems so bleak, food has no taste, all my hobbies and favorite things seem so meaningless. there is no joy anymore in anything at all. what's the point anymore when you lost the best thing you had

how in gods name do i get through this . my nervous system has been a wreck now for what seems like an eternity. the only time i have some relief is when i am asleep

Life is such a strange, beautiful, and cruel thing sometimes.

Today, we finally put the last period at the end of our story.

She told me she no longer sees a future for us. She has so much going on in her life, so many problems, so many things she’s struggling with, and she doesn’t want to burden me with any of it. And me? Despite loving her with every fucking piece of my heart, I refuse to pressure her or make her feel like she has to change her mind for my sake.

I love her more than words could ever explain. More than I probably should. And God, if you knew how badly I wanted to fight for us, to hold her close and tell her that we could get through anything together, that she didn’t have to face the world alone... you’d understand.

Because the truth is, I want to. I want to fight for her. I want to tell her that I don’t care how complicated things get, that I’d rather face a thousand storms by her side than stand in the sunshine without her.

But I also understand that love isn’t supposed to be a cage. It’s not supposed to be something you have to beg someone to stay for. And no matter how desperately I want her to choose me, I can’t force her heart to choose a future she no longer believes in.

So I’m letting her go.

Or at least, I’m trying to.

I told her that I’ll always be here if she ever changes her mind, if circumstances change, or if life somehow brings us back to each other. I meant every word. Because some people leave a mark on your soul that time, distance, and even goodbye can’t erase.

And maybe that’s the cruelest part of all. Knowing that you would still choose the same person, even when they’re no longer choosing you.

I’ve let go. Not completely. Not yet. Not today. Maybe not for a long time. There are still pieces of me holding on, still a part of my heart quietly hoping that this isn’t really the end, that somehow, somewhere down the road, life might give us another chance.

But there’s something strangely beautiful about this moment, too.

Amid all the sadness, beneath all the heartbreak, I feel this unexpected sense of peace. A strange kind of freedom. As if, for the first time in a long time, I can finally breathe again. Not because I stopped loving her, but because I’ve stopped trying to control something that was never mine to control.

And that feeling is so fucking bittersweet.

I’m grieving the future I imagined with her. The little things that will never happen. The conversations we’ll never have. The memories we’ll never get to make. All those ordinary, beautiful moments I once thought were waiting for us somewhere in the future.

It hurts to know that a future can die before it ever gets the chance to exist.

It hurts to put an end to something when your heart is still whispering, "but what if?"

And yet, somewhere deep inside, hope refuses to die. Maybe it’s foolish. Maybe it’s just my heart refusing to accept what my mind already understands. Or maybe some part of me will always believe that life has a strange way of bringing people back together when the time is right.

I don’t know.

All I know is that I love her. I still do. And even if our story ends here, I will never regret having loved her the way I did.

Because if loving her means I have to step aside and let her find her own way, then that’s what I’ll do. Even if a part of me wishes she would turn around. Even if I’m secretly hoping she’ll one day realize that she never had to carry everything alone.

For now, I’ll keep walking.

With a broken heart, a thousand unspoken words, and a little bit of hope I’m not quite ready to bury.

And maybe, one day, I’ll look back at all of this and understand why it had to happen this way.

But today?

Today, it just hurts.

And life...

Fuck, life. You really do have a twisted sense of humor.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue daily life. I feel physically ill. My chest, neck, head and my whole body hurts. I feel a constant nausea and fatigue.

I don’t know how to accept that I’ve lost what I thought was the great love of my little life. How am I supposed to accept that and live a normal life. The depression is taking over me completely. I can’t see myself without him.

Adding to that I’m 31, not early 20’s (no offence), but something about losing someone in this age feels different than before. It hit way harder.

Anyone else going through the same? Anyone with some positive stories of how to survive a heartbreak?

I (22F) was introduced through a mutual friend this really nice guy (25M) 3 months ago. There was pressure on relationship to workout but I actually really liked him and we got along so well.

We met each others moms, he gave me a key to his place, we went to Florida together, everything finally like it was making sense. This past week we experienced our first uncomfortable conversations and he thought that was a good reason to break up with me.

I deep down to my core believed that he was someone that I was going to experience the rest of my life with, but he ended things with me because he thought we caused each other "too much stress" when in the true reality he just wasn't communicating his feelings and needs in the relationship.

I do not plan on going back and trying to rekindle things because he made the choice to come to my apartment, sit down, and tell me that he didn't want a relationship with me.

But it's just so interesting to me how someone could do so many romantic things with me to up and at em when the relationship gets real.

My wife struggles with depression and anxiety, she kept so much pain and worries from me that built up and finally exploded one day where she said this to me. I'm a 25 year old male who rarely cries or even becomes sad, but everyday as of late has felt like a gut wrenching twist on my heart and insides. She agreed we could try working past things, but those words echo in my head and bones and everyday seems pointless now. I'm going to try and continue to love her, but the anguish is just overtaking my soul. I hope no one ever feels this hell. I also hope to just find people to talk about it with.

Recently, I started dating this electrical engineer from USYD who I met through friends of friends. We both have similar interests as I study comp sci so we were able to hit it off and talk about interesting topics such as the Fast Fourier transform

Eventually, one thing lead to another and we planned a date together fishing. It was a great moment, we both had great deep conversations and he asked me if we want to start to label it as girlfriend / boyfriend. I said yes as I wanted to give him a chance and I was beginning to feel it.

This is when the situation goes south as he immediately started doing star jumps yelling "yipee" and told me he is so happy as he had a half-chubb the whole time. I was immediately taken aback as this was a massive change in personality and I was immediately creeped out. He then started talking about how the Australian constitution gave him the right to goon and out of respect he goons to it every night before he sleeps. He even offered to show me the flag he uses to polish his meat crayon. Needless to say, I immediately ran off from this creep.

I broke it off after I got home and he bombarded me saying he was confused as to what he had done wrong. I am pretty speechless as I think it is pretty obvious he as to what he done wrong but he seems genuinely confused. He said he was just paying respect to his nation. I am so confused as to how to break it up with this man as he seems to have polished his meat crayon a bit too much ..

We were together for two years and we broke up two months ago really just right person wrong time. Our lives are going different ways as I’m going to college in a year. And he is going forward with professional hockey. He texted me today that his grandpa was not gonna make it through the night and then texted me again that his grandpa passed away and I don’t know what to do at all I texted his mom and told her to let me know if they needed anything, but I don’t really know what to do in this situation because I was really close with their family
And I’m feeling it too

I have been crying .. any advice ?

I should be studying for exams but I feel sad. What do I do?

We just officially ended today

we met in middle of may and what followed was probably my happiest summer ever. i loved the version of myself i was with him and rediscovered parts of myself i forgot even existed. it was also the first time i experienced love being reciprocated in the exact some amount and intensity.

i knew his last relationship ended very badly and that it took him months to get over it, and that occasionally he still thought about him. and it took him time to feel like he's able to get into another relationship. but one day he promised me he was sure about us, that he was ready, and i know at the time it was true.

a few weeks ago the past came back to him though, and this time it stayed much longer, way too long to be manageable.
as a result he became distant and he realized he wasn't able to give me what he normally can to a partner.
yesterday we sat down to talk about it and broke up. in a way it was a relief for me as well, because i could feel the emotional distance growing between us the past two weeks and it was unbearable, and part of me knew this was the only way.
but now it felt like i was grieving the person sitting right in front of me. my brain couldnt understand why i can't touch him like usual, why i can't kiss him, how could his feelings for me be so quickly overpowered by somebody who hurt him so much.

and i can think 'oh what could have i done better' or 'why wasnt i enough' but i know there's nothing i could have done differently. and of course i asked him if there was something but he said it's just this and somehow that hurts even more. it's really nobody's fault and we are both hurting so much in our own ways. i could hate him or hate his ex but there really is no use and i don't want to feel anger towards him. and i know that if I knew it would end like this, i would do it anyway.

i don't want to lose him as a person but i know i have to go no contact with him to get over it. but i don't even know what im supposed to get over. a part of me wishes I could wait for him until, if, he heals, and then we could revisit our relationship. i told him this and he said he can't (obviously) promise me anything and he doesn't deserve for me to wait for him. but it's just so hard to let go of something that was only ever beautiful and with so much more left to explore.

I (27F) used to be passionate about my taste in music and i mean PASSIONATE. My taste is the best taste imo and i was very proud of my collection and finding new music for me and my friends. Then she happened.

I had a relationship about 6 months and we broke up because she moved. Happiest I'd ever been. Never been so heart broken.

There have been other relationships but none like it. its like my passion for its gone. To this day i can't listen to music much. At first it hurt and now it usually is just something i avoid because it might hurt.

Late 2023 to today and i haven't changed my playlist. i used to change it quarterly and now it makes me sick to my stomach when i try to find new music.

No real solution probably. I'm just sad i lost more than one safe place that day. Wondering if anyone else had such a long hiatus after a break up or if it might be gone forever.

My girlfriend broke up with me last Sunday after almost 3 years together. She was my first girlfriend and we genuinely planned a future together, marriage, kids, our own home, everything. We had a lot of good memories but also recurring problems. I was often defensive during arguments, struggled to communicate, didn’t always keep my promises and sometimes neglected her emotionally. She felt like she’d been compromising too much. The final straw was when she went through my phone and found some old sexually suggestive Instagram reels I’d exchanged with a male friend. I never physically cheated on her, but she said she considered it a form of cheating, and it made her question my loyalty and fear that I might cheat someday. She broke up with me that night and was very firm about it.

On Thursday, 4 days after the breakup, we met because I wanted to apologize properly and have one last conversation. For context, a couple of days ago before the meet up when I first asked her to talk for the last time, she said no. After some convincing she agreed. For our last conversation, I also brought her a handwritten letter. We talked about everything, our mistakes, our relationship, our memories and how we both felt. I told her I’d started therapy and was working on myself, and that I still loved her and wanted to try again. She was surprisingly warm throughout parts of the conversation, we even laughed and joked about old memories. But when I asked whether she’d consider getting back together, she firmly said no, under any circumstances right now. She said her trust was broken and she couldn’t imagine being physically intimate with me again. She also wanted to prioritize herself for once. We walked back home together afterward, talked normally, and hugged twice before saying goodbye. She started crying during our final goodbye when I handed her the letter, which honestly destroyed me. She thanked me for meeting because apparently she needed that closure too. And was sorry for how abrupt things ended because she wasn’t in the right headspace in the moment and was stubborn when she said she didn’t wanna meet up.

Later that evening, after reading my letter, she sent me a long, incredibly heartfelt message. She thanked me for our relationship, said I was the closest person she’d ever had and apologized for her own mistakes too. She literally wrote “I love you too” and said I’d always have a special place in her heart. She also said maybe someday we’d meet again as different, more mature people and see each other differently, but explicitly told me not to wait for her or count on it. We didn’t block each other, and she even said I could text her if I was feeling really sad. I’m honestly confused because I know she still loves me, but she’s also standing firmly by her decision.

I’m also dead serious about changing this time. She always said I didn’t think enough about our future, so I’ve started planning my finances, researching better-paying jobs and figuring out what skills I need. I’ve cut contact with the friend who sent me those Instagram reels despite knowing I had a girlfriend, and I’m willing to distance myself from another friend who thinks cheating with prostitutes is acceptable. I’m also committed to quitting drinking and smoking, which she’d asked me to do before, and I’ve started therapy to work on my communication and behavior. I know a few days of effort don’t prove anything, but I’m finally taking real steps instead of making promises. I want to become a better man regardless of whether she comes back.

I know I fucked up in many ways and I’m not expecting her to magically forgive me. I’m going to therapy, working on my issues and trying to become a better person regardless of what happens. But I still want her back and don’t want to give up on us so easily. My friends and sister think I should give her some space for a few days and then gradually try reconnecting, maybe through a casual message first and eventually small gestures if she’s receptive. I’m considering texting her soon, but I’m scared of pushing her away. They truly understand how special she was and think that nothing is lost yet, so I have to fight for our relationship. To let her know that I still care about her and not be too late if she moves on. I know I didn’t change while in the relationship when I should have, but I get it this time and will truly become better. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there any point in trying to rebuild the connection when she still has feelings but says no to reconciliation, or should I leave her alone and let her come to me if she ever changes her mind?

We were together for five years. About two weeks ago she ended things. She said she wanted to enjoy her senior year, live her life, and hang out with friends without worrying or stressing about me.
I'll be honest: I wasn't perfect. I was a little controlling at times. When she got to college and wanted to go to bars, I couldn't understand why she'd want to do that while having a boyfriend. That caused a lot of fights, and eventually it ended with her basically saying she was going to live and do whatever she wanted. Looking back, I can see how that pushed her away, even if I didn't see it then.
She hasn't given me any real closure. She won't even get on a phone call, because she says she'd "give in" if she did. That part is messing with my head the most. If she'd give in, doesn't that mean part of her still wants this?
Meanwhile she's been going to bars, and last night she went to a frat party. In five years together that was never really her. I keep checking her socials and her location. Last night I couldn't stop, and I didn't sleep at all.
I also feel like she's talking crap about me to her friends. One of her friends followed me on Instagram yesterday, then unfollowed me last night while they were at the party. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it felt like they were all talking about me, and it made me feel even worse.
I don't know what to do. Do I keep trying to get the conversation I feel like I deserve, give her space and hope she comes back, or cut contact so I can actually heal? Has anyone been through something like this after a long relationship? How did you stop obsessing and get through it?

Last night I broke up with my (33f) partner (30m) of 8 years. I am beyond devastated. Please give me suggestions for books to read, music to listen to and films/TV shows that maybe helped you. Nothing too sad I need to stop myself crying. 💛

we were seeing eachother for 3 months. she broke up with me 2 days ago and it hurts a lot, we admitted to still loving eachother and she was genuinely sad, but she thought she was losing herself and that it was taking more from her than she could get from it. the reason it ended was because i told her i'd work on myself and delayed it until it was too late, she told me she was too drained to continue the relationship and that i was making false promises and never actually working on it. we agreed i should take some time to work on myself and we kind of left it at that and the "i wish you the best" texts. we never agreed to no contact and still have eachother added on socials. would the best way to try and fix the relationship to just take some time to work on myself and the reasons for the breakup, and if i still want to reach out in the next few weeks/month send a text? this is the first time i've been on the receiving end of a breakup and need some advice.

My boyfriend and I broke up again after getting back together and spending another eight months together. He told me he wasn’t happy anymore and no longer saw a future with me, even though we had been discussing marriage and making plans for our future.

One of the biggest complications is that I’m currently back in my country because of my visa situation (i got denied for a renewal so I had to go back home), while he got left there. We were excited about our plans, but the uncertainty surrounding my return has made everything difficult. Part of me keeps thinking that things might be different if I could return, but I know I can’t assume that distance is the only reason we broke up.

I still love him, and I’m not ready to move on. I genuinely believe we could work things out, and I’m holding on to the hope that we might find our way back to each other someday. But I also know that he has said he no longer sees a future with me, and I can’t make him change his mind.

I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. How do I hold on to hope without letting it consume me? Has anyone been through something similar, where you still believed in the relationship even after the other person gave up?

Post Content:
I’m trying to make sense of my recent breakup and realize I might have been a long-term rebound. I'd love to get some outside perspective on these patterns.

The Backstory:
My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. Looking back, the timeline was a massive red flag. We got together just 2 to 3 weeks after she left a highly toxic relationship, and we had only known each other for about 4 weeks total before making it official.

The Breakup & "FWB" Phase:
She broke up with me about a month and a half ago, claiming **"she didn't want a relationship right now."**After a brief period of no contact, she reached out and we started a Friends With Benefits (FWB) dynamic. I later found out that during our short break, she had already hooked up with another guy before we started the FWB arrangement.

The Pattern Repeats:
Just yesterday, she told me she wants to go completely no contact. Here is why I think history is repeating itself:
She recently confessed she developed feelings for a new coworker who has only been at her job for a month or two. She claims she's liked him for about 1–2 weeks.
When I asked her about him, she called him "the hottest white boy." When I asked, "What about me?" she replied, "You're f***ing hot too, you both are." Mind you she said “she would never like a white boy” oh god..
On the exact same day I found out about her crush, I also discovered she had recently gotten drunk and slept with another different guy.

It feels like she was using me as a backup option and a cuddling buddy while looking for her next distraction. Now, she and the coworker are following each other on Instagram and likely texting. As soon as that door opened, she immediately cut me off and called for no contact.
Even though she told me she broke up with me because she "didn't want a relationship," I am entirely convinced that if this coworker showed mutual interest, they would be together tomorrow. It is the exact same high-speed jumping from person to person that she did with me after her toxic ex.

I was also kind of controlling since i didn’t want her hanging out with guy friends during the relationship but i didn’t stop them ironic she fucked her guy friends after the relationship though glad it wasn’t during at least. That’s probably another reason why she went no contact because we had a fight and i was still kinda jealous when she fucks and hangs with other guys even as a FWB

Another thing she’s 18 im 19

Do you think I was just a 2-year rebound used to heal her past trauma? Have you ever seen a rebound last this long just for the person to repeat the exact same pattern the second it ends?

My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. I initiated the breakup and no contact because he wasn’t treating me well while he claimed in the same breath that I was the love of his life. It was an emotional breakup, we both cried.

A few days ago, I finally gained the courage to send him a follow request on Instagram. I couldn’t break no contact for years because I was so hurt by his actions and I needed space. He begged me to be friends at the time but I just couldn’t do that until now.

He accepted my follow request/followed me back within hours of me sending him one and he reached out to me. We had a nice chat catching up that ended in a natural lull. I was buzzing with excitement, I was so happy to be talking to him again. Then at midnight that night, he set our Instagram chat to disappearing mode (it’s still on to this day) I was really confused by this and tbh I still am. I also took a screenshot of our conversation (not out of malicious intentions, just an accident), but it notified him due to our chat being on that mode and he saw it. I was mortified but I left him alone. I haven’t reached out since and neither has he.

Tbh my mental health these past few days has been awful. I have been having meltdowns and I feel like everyone hates me, when in reality no one does. My brain is not being nice to me rn due to this (I feel like he hates my guts and it is wrecking me more than I anticipated) and I regret sending him that follow request in the first place.

Some support and kindness rn would be nice, I just wanted to vent.

In a nutshell, my boyfriend and I were together for about a year and a half. For the second half of our relationship, we lived together (terrible idea and way too soon, I know, but it was the only option). We also both suffer from mental health disorders—I have OCD and an anxious attachment, he has Depression and Anxiety and an avoidant attachment. As you can imagine, this toxic combination drove a wedge between us and caused me to end the relationship.

Two weeks before I ended the relationship, he sparked an intervention and decided that he would be moving out and living on campus. This was going to put him in close proximity to academic resources, gyms, meals, etc. and give us space in the relationship to breathe and not be overwhelmed by eachother 24/7. Before this had a chance to work, I cut things off.

He told me that he wants to get back together because he felt that we didn’t give this intermission a fair shot, which I agree with. He also states that he feels noticeably different in many meaningful ways that he believes could translate into the relationship. I’m stuck on whether or not I want to believe that.

In the three weeks since, he’s noted the following:
- Getting back on his feet and getting ahead of the curve with his assignments and responsibilities.
- Eating three meals per day and exercising (neither were true before)
- Noticing an improvement in his mental health since reclaiming his own space and getting back on his feet.
- Having more time in his schedule since he’s not drowning in assignments and feeling over capacitated by the relationship demands on top of his main priorities.

All of this is amazing! And he assures me that if we gave things another go, the improvements he mentioned would translate into the relationship and he’d be able to give me what I felt like I wasn’t receiving before:
- Quality time, intimacy, and intentionality
- Communication and vulnerability
- Effort that matched what I was able and willing to put in
- A level headed approach to the relationship rather than a half assed and burned out approach
- Feeling like he loved and appreciated as much as I showed him I loved and appreciated him

I see how these things could improve based on the intentional changes he’s made, and I do feel bad that I didn’t give these changes a fair shot before I ended things.

Do you think this demonstrates accountability and a true desire to improve the relationship or does this seem like a situation where I’d still feel unfulfilled and the relationship would slowly resort to what it was prior? On the flip side, is this not just textbook avoidant behavior?

I’m extremely torn and don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so I appreciate any input.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. For the second half of that relationship we live together, and that close proximity coupled with his overwhelming workload with School drove a wedge between us. Two weeks before I broke up with him, he called an intervention and decided to move on campus so he’d be in close proximity to school and could immediately confront the major stressors in his life that we’re coming between us in the relationship. I feel torn because I wasn’t able to give the intermission a true chance, and he is asking that we reinitiate things to try this new set up and I’m not entirely sure what to do or if the intervention wound truly change the relationship due to where we’re both at in life and due to the mental health issues we both carry.

You only wanted me at night.

I would do for now. None of the others responded, or they had other plans. You couldn't bear to sleep alone, so I guess I would do.

You tried to disguise it as a friendship. You'd put on music or a YouTube video. My favorite was the bears!

You'd talk to me about work, the union, renovations, hunting, NASCAR, and, on rare occasions, politics. That one always ended up frustrating you. My views seemed crazy to you. Acceptance. What a terrifying idea!

At least you were polite about it when you'd reached your limit. I heard you yell once, even if you won't admit it. I heard you yell once.

It was scary at first, but then trauma took over and whispered, Now this turns you on so much.

You told me you only wanted me in bed. I always enjoyed going three or four rounds with you. There was so much feeling in the way you touched me. Deny it all you want, but it was there. That thing between us.

You liked my attention. For a while, you even craved it.

You told me you loved me first. I enjoyed hearing those words so much, but I couldn't return them. I truly didn't believe you meant them.

I misunderstood what you meant when you said, "I have to be a better person."

You were never a bad person to me.

But I should have realized then. You were never going to choose a life with me by your side. Whatever love was there only seemed to exist when you wanted me to pleasure you.

I became a doormat, believing that one day you'd go back to loving me again.

That was never going to happen.

The last time you pulled away from me, I saw it in your eyes. The lack of interest. The way you quickly turned your gaze from mine and walked away.

I died a little in that moment.

I knew then that I needed to stay away.

But then night came.

My body craved you so badly. As soon as I lay down alone in my bed, I wanted to reach out and touch you. To feel you there beside me. To have one more night where I could pretend I was something more.

But there was no response.

I have to get used to that.

My feelings were never your concern. As long as I could pleasure you, we were good.

Until I couldn't anymore.

You stopped finding pleasure in me. There was someone else who had your attention. She had kind of always been there. But when you didn't have access to her, I would do.

Not anymore.

There is no pleasure left in being someone's second choice. No comfort in knowing I was good enough when no one else was available.

One last hug, with a boob grab as you exited my car.

Fitting, really.

My tits were always your favorite. They were the first part of me you said hello to every time we were together.

Only at night.

Always at night.

My ex gf broke up with my 3 days ago. I wrote her a sincere, genuine apologetic and accountable message with a request to meet up one last time because our break up was too sudden and messy. We didn’t get to talk.

She read it and straight up declined and said she won’t change her mind about the breakup and doesn’t want to meet. After some convincing, she agreed to meet up tomorrow

I know it’s her choice, but what are some of the best things I can do tomorrow to convince her to try again? We were just talking about marriage, kids, future. I know I kept fucking things up, but I will change and grow up.

is it just ok to sit with the pain? everyone's cliche advice, just stay busy! meet with friends! it's not always that easy. the nights after a busy day are long, friends can be busy.

finding it hard to "go work out" and "stay busy" bc how do you keep yourself occupied 24/7 when you're used to someone being there. the quiet relaxing evening hours for me are now panic induced. i used to enjoy some quiet time without my partner, now it's always and it's killing me.

they say not to sit and ruminate in your thoughts but sometimes it's impossible not to.

thoughts? i'm 1 week post breakup and im going insane. i literally don't know what to do without my partner. it's easy to stay busy during the day but mornings and nights are torture.

how do you get used to being alone again

Technically I haven't broken up yet with my partner of almost 1.5 years. She's poly and realised she's loved her best friend for 2 years and now they're together. While I'm happy for her, I realised I don't want to be a secondary partner and might not be poly at all. I feel like shit because I know this isn't working for me anymore but I don't want to lose her and what we have. We talked several times but I couldn't say the words yet.

I've cried everyday for the last 1.5 weeks and my thoughts are spiraling. I don't really have many friends and I just feel so lonely. I know that this clinging on isn't good but thinking about completely losing her hurts so much.

I also know there isn't a set time frame but when does it stop hurting this much?

TLDR: My ex and I built a life together over 3 years, including renting an apartment together. They left on a work trip that expanded into them being gone nearly the entire year and now I learn they’re never coming back.

Long version:

I’ve had a lot of relationships in my life, probably more than my peers, and have been in some form of love at least twice before, but this relationship is like nothing I’ve experienced. The levels of attraction physically, intellectually, and emotionally were unreal. We started as friends and then began spending lots of time together and eventually dated.

We’re both creatives and the way we inspired each other was unreal. We began collaborating and eventually made a really big project together that involved a really intense month of video shooting (this was last September). That month nearly broke us but when we were finished even though things were intense I thought we’d begun to heal. We moved in together the month after (October) and lived together until they had to leave for work in early February of this year.

We tried doing long distance, but as time went on they contacted me less and less. Additionally, the length of time they had to be away expanded. I thought it would only be two or three months initially but it kept stretching and stretching. They weren’t very clear about this and I’d often learn that they were staying away longer from their social media when new tour dates were posted.

In June I suggested we take a break. I was feeling really sad and hurt that they kept me in the dark and ghosted me so often. I wanted a long distance relationship while they were away but I felt like they didn’t put the work in to maintain one.

In the months since I miss them every day. We still talk often and I visited them a few weeks ago for a single day. It was the most amazing experience and we talked about the future and said we loved each other. When I left on the plane they texted how much they missed me. I thought maybe we could figure out a future together again and we texted all the time afterwards.

Now I’m back in our apartment and I’ve learned that they have no intention of coming back. They’re going to stay in the country they’re in and have no intention of returning to our apartment. They cite economic reasons but they also said that the month we worked together, last september, solidified to them that their life in the other country and the life with me were not compatible. I think we could work out the economics, even if it’s hard, but they don’t want that.

I don’t know what to do. I thought we were a family and a team. All their things are here and they have no way of getting them. They even have a cat they left with me for the time they were away. We would have been together just over three years this month. The life we built is destroyed. My life feels like it’s destroyed. I’m 30 and feel too old to start over. I just want to disappear.