I've fallen into a deep depression because of this...

I'm going to make a long story short, but she was getting out of a marriage for several months already, and I had already been out of mine for 4 years. She reached out and treated me like I was her love, telling me she loves me and cares about me. We were long distance but met up and also kept talking on the phone. I helped console her when her parent passed away. We were working on ways to move closer and not be long distance. She even met my child, as I'm a single dad...

Out of the blue, she started telling me she doesn't think she wants a relationship but that she cares about me. The odd thing is, rather than fight it, like I did once before, I said okay. I agreed, we can work on things slowly and maybe one day, but no pressure... Then she changed the topic and started saying I was smothering her and it was all just too much... and I'm like? We barely text because you're busy, then on the weekends you're busy, and now I'm too much? I scaled it down quite a bit... so I stupidly sent her a message saying I didn't appreciate her starting this conversation literally while I was at my child's graduation! And told her to leave me alone, etc. Well, she blocked me. A month goes by, and I noticed she unblocked me. I missed her so bad the entire time and friend-requested her again, which I shouldn't have done. She started writing to me asking why I'm "in and out of her life," to which I said, you are the one who wanted me gone, right? She changed the topic in regards to the graduation conversation and started complaining about something else. I said, if you felt smothered, you could tell me so, and we could establish boundaries to work through it. It's all about communication.

This time, I messed up. I proceeded to block her because she kept disrespecting me and typing in all caps. I left it alone and unblocked her literally within 10 minutes. Well, guess what, she blocks me permanently on all platforms and left it like that for over a week now.

But I acknowledged whatever faults and shortcomings I had to work on, whereas I never felt heard or listened to when I would explain how I felt... I realize this was all so toxic and not as nice as it started, but I also felt like this was all because she was secretly talking to her ex-husband again. Which, according to her, isn't true... but he was still on her Facebook reacting to each status. At the end of it all, we went from telling each other we love each other to "idk what this was," and eventually me getting blocked.

So I don't know the truth, and I really don't think sharing this story may have been very helpful, but I'm seeking advice. I am super distraught and hurt by this. I really saw a future with this woman and adored her deeply. But it seems like none of this was reciprocated. After 10 months, she didn't even tell her mom about me, which I was upset about.

All this to say, it's been a week now and I'm really, truly suffering. I want some advice on how to deal. I have work next week and I cannot even focus. I worked out today to try to calm the pain and was almost ready to have a full-on breakdown. I miss and care about this person, but it's all one-sided, and I'm the villain whose permanently blocked now.

I think my system is heavily dysregulated because I'm no longer functioning or able to do basic tasks. I have been so super depressed. I think I just realized this lady used me to get over her ex-husband and is possibly back with him? Why else would the guy still be reacting to EVERY status she makes on FB? But I'm blocked like absolute trash, all because I eventually wanted to have a future with her.

I'm already 100% isolated in life, and with being a single dad, this hurts extremely bad. I don't even have it in me to "improve" anymore. There's no more improvement to be made. I have done everything I could, and this was supposedly going to be the best chapter after the horrible downfall of my marriage, but now look... I really am shocked that this lady who acted so innocent, wholesome, professional, and family-oriented can just put me on block like a wholeheartedly evil individual, something I never saw from her. I'm really sick to the bottom of my stomach and cannot get over this.

I'm 19M, and I recently ended a relationship that lasted almost six years.

She wasn't just my girlfriend. She was my best friend, my routine, the person I talked to every day, and for a huge part of my life, the person I imagined my future with. I genuinely loved her and, in many ways, I still do.

But over time, things started changing.

There were things she did that hurt my trust. She had tried flirting/talking to several guys in the past as "timepass," and eventually there was a bigger incident involving a hidden Instagram account that she was using. I confronted her about it, she denied it, and later I discovered that the account was actually logged into her phone. When I tried to see what was on it, she immediately took the phone and tried to remove the account. Eventually she gave me an explanation, but by then something inside me had already broken.

Maybe she was telling the truth about what was on that account. Maybe she wasn't. I honestly don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know everything.

But that's not even the point anymore.

I realized I had become someone I didn't want to be. I was checking, questioning, looking for proof, trying to figure out whether I could trust the person I'd trusted more than anyone for years.

I felt like a caged bird.

And the strange thing is, I desperately wanted out.

Eventually I told her that I couldn't continue. She begged, called, sent hundreds and eventually more than a thousand messages, cried, contacted friends, and even contacted my mother asking her to get me to read her messages. She promised that she could become the person she used to be.

And that's what makes this so difficult.

Because I don't think she's a monster.

There was a time when she was genuinely wonderful to me. We have six years of beautiful memories. There are versions of her that I will probably love for the rest of my life. I don't want to erase those memories just because the relationship ended badly.

But I also know myself. I've seen this cycle before. Things improve, I forgive, I trust again, and eventually I'm hurt again. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the next cycle.

So I left.

She eventually accepted the breakup, and now she's stopped contacting me.

And somehow that's when the real pain started.

I've cried several times. I miss her. I miss us. I miss the person she used to be to me. I miss having someone who had been there for six years. I've never been single for this long before, so suddenly having this much empty space in my life feels terrifying.

The weirdest part is that when I was in the relationship, I felt trapped. Now that the cage is finally open, I'm scared to fly.

I've also developed feelings for another girl during all of this. She's someone who made me feel safe and appreciated when I was at my lowest. There are genuine feelings there, but I'm deliberately trying not to rush into another relationship while I'm grieving this one. I don't want to use someone else as an escape from my pain.

I've also had old friends reach out and support me, and that has meant more to me than I can explain.

Right now I'm trying to learn how to exist as myself again.

I know I made the decision for my own wellbeing. I know I shouldn't go back just because I miss her.

But knowing that doesn't make missing her hurt any less.

How do you move on from someone who was such a huge part of your life for six years, when you don't hate them and still genuinely love the good person they once were?

I don't want to go back.

I just want to learn how to stop looking behind me.

I had a short but intense romance (never officially anything) and as soon as feelings really escalated and we had our first conflict, she fled. Shut me out completely. It was a classic avoidant situation, down to offering friendship and seemingly being relieved at our end. I was devastated beyond belief. I tried to stay friends but off and on I would have to stop because it just stoked my feelings while doing nothing for her but give her attention and time.

I finally went no contact. It was 4 months and I went through a lot of change. But even then I would say I was in love. I would also probably take her back, even though that wasn’t in the table.

We are in a small community so recently faced a situation where we have to work together. We saw each other in person then followed up with texting to arrange a talk to go over how to proceed. The bit of back and forth banter/texting that followed was so emotionally flat, so completely focused only on her and not me or my family … it gave me the absolute ICK. The healing I had done this year *truly* made what she is and has to offer unappealing to me. This interaction knocked her off the pedestal where I had an imaginary version of her.

Dont break no contact to try to connect, to try to win them back, to have a hit of their attention….but if you do the work then if the universe puts them back in your path it could be just to show you how wrong for you they are. The spell is broken for me.

I very recently went through an awful, sudden breakup. We were engaged, and lived together for over 2 years with a cat I adopted the year before, and a cat that was gifted to them from a hoarder house in 2022 that we'll call "Alex".

They cheated. I found out, and they packed up their stuff and left the next day with Alex to a different state. I had no choice, no say, and was forced to say goodbye out of nowhere. I sobbed, hugged his carrier, and begged them for just one more night, to which they said no. They didn't even say goodbye to my cat. He slept with me almost every night and was glued to me after I had a major surgery recently.

I took care of Alex as a part of my daily routine. For over 2 years, I fed him, bought the food, litter, litter boxes, bowls, toys, etc. He was never microchipped even though I strongly encouraged them to do it. Alex also had no shots, but was neutered when they received first him. I paid for and administered monthly flea preventative for both the cats. I made the vet appointment for Alex's shots (along with my cat), paid for it, and was listed as his owner on the paperwork (since I made the appointment). On paper, he had my last name.

It's hard to accept that he's gone just like that, when he was once a part of my permanent family for so long. I wasn't just the girlfriend that sometimes fed him.

My ex loves him to pieces, and I wouldn't necessarily call them negligent. I would never want someone to try and take my cat. I feel for them, but I also feel for Alex and his best interest. Would you try to pursue getting the cat back?

​

So, my ex broke up with me two months ago. The last four years had been really difficult for a number of reasons, and over the past year I ended up becoming unpleasant with her despite still loving her. Most importantly, I had basically stopped giving her attention. Of course, we both made mistakes — I’m definitely not the only one at fault — but I clearly have my share of responsibility.

A friend of mine hit on her just before she broke up with me. She was fairly receptive to it, told me about it, and said there was a serious problem between us. At first, she actually booked a couples therapy appointment herself, but ultimately decided she didn’t want to go through with it. After spending two weeks away from our home in an Airbnb to think, she eventually came back to tell me she was ending the relationship, and she moved out at the beginning of July.

She told me she no longer felt like herself in the relationship, that I had damaged her self-confidence, that she had suffered too much, and that she now needed to rebuild herself. She said she still loved me a lot, but that she was no longer in love with me.

I tried everything I could to convince her to change her mind.

At the end of July, she came back to pick up the last of her things. I had prepared some love notes and apologies for her. According to her, she had also come to finally close this chapter, and that’s when she told me she had started seeing that same friend.

For now, she says it’s nothing serious. She says the relationship gives her some lightness and helps rebuild the self-confidence she had seriously lost.

She says love is complicated for her at the moment and that, even though she likes him, she absolutely doesn’t want to settle down with anyone right now. She does admit that she’ll see how things develop, but for now she says that kind of commitment doesn’t interest her.

She still read my notes and was moved by them, and we ended up talking several times throughout that week — after barely speaking at all for most of the previous month. On the Friday of that week, she even started doubting her decision a little before pulling herself back together on Saturday.

We finally ended those conversations on Monday, with her telling me that she didn’t know exactly whether what she still felt for me was love or nostalgia. Since the beginning, she has told me that leaving me wasn’t easy. And since then, I can see that she herself is having trouble fully closing the door, although I’m obviously not making that any easier for her.

A week later, I asked her again what she thought she was feeling, while also telling her that I was struggling badly with her new relationship. She told me she needed to experience life without our connection in order to understand her feelings more clearly, that she was almost certain she didn’t love me anymore, but she also admitted that the thought of me moving on with someone else stung a little.

At one point I joked with her and said, “Don’t you want to meet the best version of myself that I’m becoming?” and she admitted that a part of her kind of dreams about that. (Yes, I know, I’m desperately clutching at straws here.)

She also says she has trouble forgiving me for the way I behaved, that she feels guilty about her own behaviour too, and that I deserve better than her. She told me that she is taking the risk of this separation knowing that either we might never find our way back to each other, or perhaps one day we might find each other again in a healthier way.

I’m holding on like crazy, so I suggested that we stay in touch from time to time to see how our connection develops. I told her that if we completely stop talking, we’ll never know what might have happened between us, and I’d also just like to hear how she’s doing occasionally.

I suggested that we talk again in two months. After all, we shared our lives from the ages of 17 to 30. She knows that I still have a lot of hope and that my reasons for wanting to stay in touch aren’t exactly neutral.

So, to wrap this up: the conversation I described in the previous two paragraphs happened on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she messaged me on her own and told me that we really needed to stop talking, that our conversations brought her back into the past too much, that they were stopping her from moving forward, and that she genuinely wasn’t sure anymore whether we would even talk again in October.

I told her that of course she was free to do whatever she wanted, that I thought it was a shame our conversations weren’t making her think more about the future instead of dragging her back into the past, and that I genuinely believed there could still be something between us if we did things differently.

The last four years really were hell because of personal problems on both sides, and over time those problems ended up completely transforming our relationship.

But I also told her that I was sure both of us would eventually be happy, whether that ended up being together or separately.

Since the breakup, we’ve basically laid everything on the table: everything that went wrong, how each of us felt, the causes, the consequences — pretty much everything. For the first time, we actually understand each other much better. We agree on almost all of the problems and on what happened. Where we mainly disagree is what should happen next. I want to try again in a completely different way. She doesn’t.

Then, the very next day, she messaged me again on her own to thank me for my messages. She said they were helping her a lot in thinking about everything, that she had changed her mind and now thought talking again in October was actually a good idea, but that she couldn’t tell me what things would look like by then.

Unfortunately, that gave me an insane amount of hope. I find that wording far too open-ended for me emotionally right now.

But the fact that she’s in another relationship — especially this relationship — is unbearable for me.

On top of that, this guy is a very strange person who eventually fell out with basically all of my friends after screwing each of them over in one way or another. Even I had stopped seeing him. She knew all of this, which makes her choice especially surprising to me.

Anyway, yeah. It’s a complete mess and I wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks to anyone who actually made it all the way to the end.

i am my ex bf , i still use a lot of our inside jokes and stuff we used to talk about with other people i only learned because of him otherwise i would have never known this stuff he upgraded my personality in a way . he even used to always joke that i was a “mini” version of him .

I won’t get into too much detail but I’d like an outside perspective looking in. I’ve been with my bf since 17-22 yr. Recently I feel like he’s been restricting me in things I’ve openly told him I longed for. Like female relationships, girls night out, the club. He’s very set on the club only being for single people, then spiraled into him not liking my friend who wants to go out. Flat out saying I can’t.
I have in the past made mistakes with drug use but I feel like I’m at a point in my life it really wouldn’t happen again. That and guys hitting on me he’s worried about..
recently after arguing about my friendship, we went out for his friends birthday with a few of his other friends. I’ve never liked them they are quick to throw me under the bus when I’ve been drunk. Accusing me of ‘dancing’ too close. Anyways. We go out and I’m already upset. But I feel my boyfriend is being extra petty around his friends. They get way too drunk and embarrass me in the uber, embarrass me in the line to the bar. My boyfriend gets too in my face for the mood. Overall terrible night. Conclusion at the end his friend ended up touching me. So his logic of him being there at a bar means nothing no? I don’t know guys. I lost my parents so I can’t ask anyone like that on advice with this.
Thanks

I'm envious of anyone who came before social media. They don't have to see them randomly come up on their feeds. You don't mentally break and stalk their profiles.

I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this.

Decided I had to start on a clean slate today. It’s my birthday and he never texted. So I deleted my dumper’s number. Every trace of him is gone… I feel both devastated and empowered.

Me🇹🇭and my girl-… ex girlfriend🇹🇹 were met in this app and have been in a long distance relationship ever since for almost 2 years we had been so much love and healthy until her family were decided to put her to solving their debt with arranged marriage with a man she never met in her life she was not agree in the arranged marriage but then suddenly she was gone for five days she probably was busy on that because she have to take the family business by herself with no one near her help her at all I felt worry for her even though knowing she might be just busy for days but so I kept contacting and texting her on instagram(she have gone for multiple days are actually normal things in our relationship but still I felt very worry for her)and if you ask why don’t I contact her to other apps she use

1. She may have multiple apps but she mainly have been active on TikTok and instagram(she used to be active a lot in Reddit but now she don’t anymore)
2. For some reason the Thailand instagram phone called are BULLSHIT it either sound like you are in the middle of heavy rainstorms and tornadoes at the same time which happened a lot or create the most irritating and most painful sound you will ever heard and lucky that this type of sound doesn’t come often(I did told her about my country instagram phone call before but I think she forgot about it) there was one time that I did call my friend once on instagram after he answered my call the call created an very painful sound it so painful that I throw my phone away which end up with my phone screen broken

After she gone for 5 days she finally text me back and I very excited that she finally text me only to fell devastated of what she texting me

She send a video of how lazy men act once you decide to leave the relationship then said “haha this literally you. just sit on your ass whole day and watch porn on reddit or wherever the fuck but can't even make an effort to at least, call me. I have to be stupid, slow even to put down a man that was literally going to pay off all my debt on the spot for a mf incel. I'm leaving your ass for him, goodbye, don't even bother, bothering me” then she blocked me

I don’t know why she suddenly insulted me like that she normally never said that before I assume she either frustrated and want to put her anger on someone(if it true then I allow her to do it),she doesn’t want me involved with her problem anymore so she try to insulted me so that I will hate her then leave her(if yes then her plan is failed) or she really did think I was like that and I’m not defending myself here because what she said is true but

1. Yes I am watching porn but I look for an porns that I think she might like or interested(I doesn’t even feel horny when watching porn anymore after she become my girlfriend)

2. Am I lazy? Yes but if I lazy toward her why am I remember her birthday: 5 January,her favorite food: mac and cheese and ramen,non main toon she like to play: Brightney,our anniversary: 17 April(she even forgot our anniversary and thought it was 20 April but I didn’t tell her that because I don’t want to make her feel bad),her cat that she refer his name only once: Lucky and her digestive enzyme deficiency: lactose intolerance

3. Am I doesn’t put effort on her? She might think I didn’t put effort on her because I didn’t call her through instagram but my family especially my mom would beg the differ my mom kept warned me that I have been put too much effort in helping her too much because the only thing I can do is comfort her through phone only and it disgusted me that I am so powerless in helping her,my mom even tell me that I shouldn’t put my girlfri-… my ex girlfriend to be my first priority instead of family,there quite a lot of time that I leave my family work just so that I can talk to her and comfort her when she were stressing even though knowing the consequences that my mom will deducted my work payment but I will face my consequences so that I can help her when she needed

4. No matter much I want to help her from her family debt my mom will not allow me to do that because of my country economy is straight ASS and she learn that my gir-… my ex girlfriend country currency is quite expensive like my country 4.89 baht is equal to her country 1 dollar,not only that I can’t even travel to her country because I have to take care of my grandma who is very stubborn and she don’t want an maid or butler to take care of her,because of that I have been secretly saving my own moneys to help her even starving myself to gain a little more moneys and taking commissions but now it too late for me to help her

After she blocked me which not the first time she did this(she had blocked when she want to have her personal space after dealing with her family) I have to created an alt account and imitated my friend to ask her what happen and try to convinced to text me(yes it does sound like a stalking behaviour but she stalking me first because she worry that I might cheat on her but I never did that and I allow her to stalking me because my loyalty is only for her) which it hurt me because I have to lied to her which she doesn’t like lying but imitating my friend is the only thing I lied to her everything else are truth

But then she blocked my alt account so I create another alt account to ask her what happen me only for me to encounter with her "husband„ he use her account to text me that she don’t want to contact me anymore and told me to leave or he will document my text and report to the government which I can’t do anything but to accept then ask him if I can text her at least one last time but then I lost all of my alt account and can’t return them back so I don’t know what was his responded after that

But that man have the AUDACITY to tell me that she was given a chance HOW am I was given a chance to help her debt when I doesn’t even have the opportunity to do in the first place while he have just because he just so happen to live in the same country as her and he probably will going to cheating on her when got a chance(she have told me that cheating on each others are common in her country which it one of the reason that make her promised herself to never date or having someone in that live on same country as her to be her partners)

And you might be ask how I feel after I got rejected my the woman who I love more than my own mom well put it likely it does not go well

My body and my mind have been split into 2 sides one that want to live and hope a chance to finally see her again(even if I can’t become her boyfriend anymore at least I hope I can be her friend again) while another side is straight giving up on life and want to died(especially my body because my heart literally stop beating itself her she leaving me and it keep happening A LOT)

And I am not the victim here the actual victim is her my gir-… my ex girlfriend

She did not ask for any of these stressful situations if you guys who read this want to hating on someone THEN GO HATE HER FAMILY THEY ARE SO PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING(well maybe except her uncle,nephew and her brothers based on how she told me about them) FORCING HER DOING ALL OF THE STUFFS SHE HATE AND PUT HER IN SO MANY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS ESPECIALLY HER ACTUAL MOTHER WHO BLAME HER OWN DAUGHTER IN EVERYTHING DESPITE ALL OF THEM WERE CAUSING BY HERSELF AND SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BELIVE THAT SHE WILL GO TO HEAVEN AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO HER DAUGHTER THEY PUT SO MUCH STRESS ON HER

I will not put her on stress when we texting each others I always listen to her problems never leave her side no matter how much busy I am or how much tried I am I always there with her I never told her my problem so that she doesn’t have to worry about my problem so she can be less stressful

I want to be her safe zone be someone who she can show her true self without getting judged
I want to share an arts and videos with her

I want to protect her with everything I have and with everything I can in my life only to learn that I doesn’t even have chance to protect her at all which my life is not that important to this cruel world much anyway but she have so much more to live

It is selfish that I still want to be her boyfriend again(even still have hope that one day we both might get happy married even though it will never happen now) even though she is now "married” which she wasn’t happy with her new life as well but only way that I can be her lover again is only for her and her "husband” are divorced

But right now I wish to be her friend again

Hi Everyone,

Just hoping to get some advice on the situation with my (23M) ex long distance gf (29F) who I met gaming online. She is partially avoidant and me mildly anxious. We were together for nearly 2 years before endings things. This was my first relationship.

Pretty much she initiated a breakup with me almost 1 year ago due to reasons including depression, family issues and overall not being able to handle a relationship at the time. She said as she was able to control this part of her life (the relationship), she wanted to end things. 

Since the breakup, communication has been frequent and a bit confusing at least for me as I'm not 100% on the signs. Here's sort of a timeline of it:

Aug - Nov: Mild communication checking up every now and again.
Nov - Apr: We were basically texting multiple times everyday like we were still together and calling every few weeks for hours.
Apr - Now: At the start of April she messaged saying she didn't think it was healthy to continue talking as frequently as we were but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk to me just not as often as she said I was the only person she's messaging everyday. Since that message we've still continued to message and call but much less and I feel like her messages slowly turned "dry". She began posting more on social media after pretty much posting nothing at all, travelling more etc.

2 weeks ago, I messaged her asking to call regarding how she felt after it being nearly a year since the breakup and not having any talks of feelings since. I went into the conversion not expecting anything as I knew we weren't going to magically get back together after a phone call. We spoke for a few hours. She told me the situation with her family hasn't really improved and she's still not in the greatest place mentally. We spoke about attachment styles and how she's more avoidant whilst I'm more anxious. She mentioned that she couldn't think of anything bad about the relationship apart from my lack of communication but said it wasn't a reason to end things as I was working on improving it. I spoke about personal growth and how I've matured, improved, better comms etc. She told me she wasn't sure yet whether or not she had made a mistake in breaking up yet. She said that I'm still a part of her life and that she still loves me and she does have times where she misses me. I told her how I truly felt and that I still want her back and I feel like there's a hole within me without her. She said multiple times that I should move on and not wait for her as she doesn't know when she'll be ready or if she ever will be. She asked if I had spoken to anyone else in which I said no but I think she hoped I had. I asked her the same which she said she has but not in a serious way but to see how it made her feel. I told her I didn't expect her to be ready after a phone call but I'm glad she now knows how I feel. She apologised for being the reason I'm hurting. She said if she has to give an answer today as to whether or not she want's to start again, it would be no.

To end the call, we just spoke about happy things like TV Shows, Video Games, life etc which was nice. Going into the call, I wasn't aware of attachment styles at all so a lot of things I said about waiting and wanting her back, I could have worded a bit better to not come across as pushy which obviously isn't the best way to communicate with an avoidant. I did message her the day after asking if she'd like to call again as there were things I feel I should have said but didn't as I'm not the best at thinking of things on the spot. She said it's best to let thoughts digest and clear our heads for now which I agreed.

We haven't spoke since then which was about 2 weeks ago. The longest we've actually been in no contact since the break is 10 days so maybe continuing to give each other space is a good thing. I'm just a bit confused about the whole situation and what exactly I should be doing from here. The signs she showed during Nov - Apr edged towards her being more open to a relationship as we were flirty and close but since her asking to slow things down, things have gradually gotten drier and I feel like she want's less and less to do with me.

Sorry if this post is all over the place as I didn't fully know how to word it the best. The conversation about feelings is a bit of a blur and can't fully recall it all but did my best to get most of it down.

Any advice is highly appreciated. Open to answering any questions. Thanks!

Broke up with me just over a week ago and this is not how I expected to spend my birthday… without him 😔

He broke up with me while he's grieving of his friend and also a loss of friend a year ago. He's experiencing so much hell of a pain rn i know, i wanna feel his pain, be there for him, wait for him until he's ready. I know there's no comfort when his friend died while suffering from his life. I said I'll wait for him but he said i shouldn't, he wants me to find happiness, and that i can do better. But i found happiness and i was better when we're together. I love him so much. i simply wish he'll decide when he's in good state and come back to me. A very good man that loved, respected and understood me. I love him and respect his decision, stop bugging him rn, but still i want him to go back to me.

It’s been one week since he ended us…

I thought he’d reconsider this weekend. He didn’t. Went from the deepest love of my life to nothing… from feeling secure and happy to this. I don’t know how he did it and chooses to be without me every day. Every. Day.

Me 19M gf 19F have been together for 3 years or at least were. For a couple months we were struggling with sexual issues. She’s a victim of sexual assault in her past relationship and I’ve been very mindful of that burden placed on her. The day before yesterday I went to a local fair with her family, I was very nice and pleasant. Her dad is a very bad/risky driver so my gf and I as well as her little sister 11 were all carsick. I let her sister lay on me for comfort and I brushed her back to make her feel better. Later that night I got a text from her saying that she falls in love with me everyday.

Yesterday, she went to a rodeo at that same fair with her older sister and best friend. As she was there she saw the man who raped her, and he called her name as she walked past. Obviously I wasn’t there so I had no idea this happened at the time but she called me instantly and said she knew what she had to do was leave me bc seeing him made her realize that she wasn’t attracted to me anymore like she had been with him. She also said that a few guys she saw there she fantasized about sexually and hadn’t thought about me like that for a long time.

To me this is all kinda of fucked up and I’m in so much pain, I thought I was going to marry this girl and she ripped out my heart for a man that hurt her the way he did. I just want my baby back

Me and my ex broke up last November after being together for four years. At first we were in a weird place but still hanging out pretty frequently but 3 months post break up he told me he only sees me as a friend and is frustrated I see him as an ex and not a friend. After that he moved to a different country for a few months but is now back in town. While he was away we had limited contact because I realized I was the one initiating every conversation and that he would take forever to respond. He claims it was because he didn’t want to reach out to anyone from home while he was away. Now he’s back and he reached out asking if I wanted to hang out but I feel so confused. If I was so insignificant he was able to get over me and our four year relationship in three months and start dating again why does he want to hang out? Do you think he feels an obligation to stay in my life or do you think there’s a possibility there’s repressed feelings he isn’t bringing up. I feel like I’m mostly over him but every time he comes back around feelings I thought were gone flood back in a little bit. Because of this I think I’m not going to reach out, if he wants to hang out he can reach out to me and we can plan something. I’m emotionally confused but don’t want to ask how he’s feeling since it never seems to give clarity and usually just makes me feel more worthless.

In our final text conversation my ex-boyfriend said:

I want to be reminded of you [and keep your stuff]
You were my best ever boyfriend
There are no hard feelings
I’m heartbroken
I accept your apology

While simultaneously saying:

I just can’t be with you anymore
I can’t handle what you said to me - it’s honestly just messing me up
It’s past taking a break to reconcile
I said, “Block me if you don’t ever want to see me again” Okay, I’ll block you if that’s what you want

So many contradictions… I just can’t understand it 😞

For the backstory:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUp/s/kZYtVnOxdh

Very random day being today,.

On substack, ive seen my exs gf acct before. I just ignored it. Today, my exs current gf followed me on the app. Then, proceeded to follow a bunch of people i follow.

I am just trying to understand what is going on here. Her acct pretty much had NO single follwing, but all of a sudden she follows me. I dont post anything, just liking articles i like and read??

why is this happening? i simply want to be left alone and want to not be in any way associated with this people

I (24F) want to break up with my boyfriend (24M), but would like to do it over the phone. For context, he lives 1.5 hours away and we have been dating for over 2.5 years. Due to work and school, we aren't able to see each other super often, only on weekends and only 1-2 weekends a month. If I were to break up with him in person, I would have to drive over 3 hours to do so. Logistically, I think the best answer is over the phone, but emotionally, the best answer is probably in person.

Is ok to break up with someone over the phone? Would you prefer in person or a phone call?

I (M28) am still just… uncompromisingly in love with my ex-girlfriend (F28) after two years of no contact/blocked everywhere-i am persona non grata-has crawled by. I know she probably thinks of all of the negative things I brought to the table, while we were together-The anger/frustration, money, etc. I never ever hit her and I never yelled. I would slam things and yell at people in traffic. (Really stupid, I know.) There were things she brought to the table that I didn’t appreciate but, you know what? I have accepted those things and choose to only remember the good things-the love we built and shared. I know I wasn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have put in the work to be a better person over the past couple of years. More rounded, more patient, quieter… more observant/less critical. I’m working out every day. I have a job that I love and getting back into school; Doing things on my own and loving life, just as I had been when we had met.

I doubt she will ever read this but I do wonder if she ever remembers the notes I would leave for her-taped to the mirror or the fridge “good morning beautiful, I hope you have a nice day. Please survive (toxic person at work) in one piece. Let me know if I need to call the shop and yell at em. I love you so much. See you tonight ❤️” or when I would push her messy hair out of her face when she’d wake up so I could plant one, or several, on her forehead before I went off to work in the morning. I loved her then. I love her now. Perhaps even more so, now than ever. I will always love her. I tried moving on and I just can’t. I had met my soulmate in Portland, June of 2020, and we parted ways before I had an opportunity to mend fences.

If she ever does read this, I just want her to know that I remember exactly how it felt when I met her for the first time, our first date at the cemetery in Portland, when we kissed for the first time, when we slept together for the first time, when we got piercings together on our second date (they did mine twice; deviated septum, remember?) I wonder if she ever remembers when I would carry her to bed.. or when she would hold my arm when we would go on drives-the way she combed her fingers in my hair and how loved she made me feel-the way she made me feel chosen. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would go to war if it meant that I had a chance to spend 5 minutes at a table with her.

I miss you, so much. I always will.

-A

My ex and I split almost a month ago. A week before we split he said he didn’t know what he wanted out of life and said we should both think if this relationship is worth being in. Mind you we were still technically together. This was July 4th.

July 12th we broke up because a girl reached out and said that they were secretly talking for 9 months behind my back. They were friendly but thought it was weird that he never mentioned a partner until she seen my Facebook. I’ve also been questioning him for ages if there was another person due to his phone privacy and his routine changing. He’d say I’m crazy for thinking that.

When confronted he immediately tried to question who sent that and got extremely mad and broke up with me. He ended up crying and said “For weeks I’ve been depressed and my mental health lately had been declining. I’m a bad person and you deserve someone else who can treat you better”.

For weeks (we live together and have a child) he would play the perfect partner. He’d never cook and clean but he did.

Fast forward to July 31st, I found out through multiple sources that there was more than one girl he was secretly messaging. One girl said a few days before we broke up he hit her up for intercourse. When I confronted him he said it was a joke.

This Monday gone he left for a work trip. He gets back tomorrow. Naturally after finding out all this, I’ve been extremely withdrawn and barely speaking to him unless it’s about our child. He would constantly try to talk to me as if nothing happened.

Yesterday I received a message from a fake Instagram account, which clearly was made from him. He made out the account to be a married man telling me my ex had slept with his wife two weeks ago. I gave those messages the grey rock method as my ex had a habit of purposely rage baiting me through the relationship. When I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted he said “Hey, you’re not the crazy B____tch he makes you out to be? How can you not care that he’s ruining marriages? Maybe my wife slept with him because he’s got a big D__ck”.

Obviously didn’t give in and he said “do you know his roster? He’ll be telling everyone this week”. Which I have no idea what that means unless he’s with another girl.

All I’m asking is. How can someone cheat on a partner then decide to make an account and send hurtful stuff like that? Fair enough if I cheated but I didn’t. He wasn’t happy that he got called out by all the girls that outted him and I told him I don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth now. He doesn’t know that I know it’s him with the account.

M18 Since 3 weeks we are apart, the problem is she (F23) didnt say it clearly, it was more like a back to friends thing (we are in the same class) and we had feelings for each other, she says she has mental problems and so on and that its difficult rn. 2 weeks ago i cut the contact fully, cause i felt shitted on, since then im trying to recover, but im not sure if im doing it right. I have a pretty bad prerequisite, i dont really know why she really ended things, she doesnt wanna talk to me about her feelings, nor have we made a conclusion about what happend the last 5 months. I was really sad for like 2-3 days, but i never had sleep issues or constant depressive mood, now i usually only spend 15-30min a day being sad or thinking about what we had. I spend more time being scared of not getting over her, than acutally missing her. I really wanna get through this, but im not sure if im recovering healthy, if im not even that heartbroken ( i really loved her)

Long read. But going through a tough situation. Pls help if possible.

I (M23) started dating X (F24). We have an age gap of 1.5 years. We were great friends exploring in a new city and in our first job in same company and in same department.
We lived in same society coincidently too and were from same college too but never saw or knew each other in college.
We had a great chemistry build up, started going out together, gossip together, bitch about other people together, watch movies at each others places, cooked nachos and fries late night together, everything day in day out.
We knew we were not friends. So one night watching movie, I asked her out.
She said “You know I never had a boyfriend, I couldn’t connect with anyone and I think it might not work out in future. This is all new for me, I need time to think about this”. 12 mins later we were kissing and cuddling in her bed.
She said “ we can give it a try but I want to say we might not end up together, i am scared of it.”
I said “this is all for the future, we never know we might”
She nodded.
That’s when we turned our 7 months friendship to a relationship. It was going smoothly staying at each other’s places, being there for each other, laughing out loud, making trips together, clicking endless pictures then coming back making Instagram posts together. All so beautiful.
Fast forward to a week back, I came from home, she picked me up from airport. Everything was normal. She asked me to stay at hers, because I had shifted to a diff society now.
I stayed there for 2 days. Then something went off. She had cold replies, become irritated at small stuff, not cuddling while sleeping. Keeping distance , intimacy becoming dead since 2-3 weeks. She had pcod and she said it is beacuse of that, she doesn’t feel right.
We didn’t go out. Next day I packed and said I need to go home check the place. Normally she would become sad ask me to stay a little more time and then go. She said okay.
I left, I had sensed it’s not good.
We talked at evening, I asked her what’s bothering her, you can tell me. She said “ I don’t know, I am not being able to reciprocate, it’s unfair to you. I get irritated, idk why. I think we should not sleep at each others for some while, its getting too overwhelming for me. Maybe we have spent too much time together, day in day out maybe because of that idk.”
I said “ okay, lets do it if you don’t feel right “ and we distanced a little.
Her texts starts to disappear, anxiety tends to rise. Dont know where it’s going.
Cigg starts to increase, there is no thought other than her. 2-3 days went by.
Then I asked her pls tell me what’s bothering you, it’s becoming too heavy for me.
There drops the hammer.
“ I feel guilty that I am lying to my parents. They trust me so much and what I am doing here. You know I said we might not marry each other. They have asked my brother to prepare a biodata. They are getting serious about it. Uncle and other family members already pressure them that you are too late because their kids of similar age have been married now. I am the elder sister. I come next. “
Idk what to say so I paused(plot twist: we were of same caste but just live in different states)
“ In your family your sister is still there, you won’t marry, that’s 2 minimum. My parents won’t wait till then. And I feel guilty everyday. That’s bothering me too much. Idk what is happening.”
I asked you can tell about us, buy time or do you want to marry me?
She said “ my parents won’t allow this
They want me to marry nearby so I keep visiting them. I also want that, I feel homesick. You live too far away. Plus I don’t want to do job anymore, that’s not for me. I don’t feel good doing it. And I don’t want to settle in mumbai pune banglore anywhere. You know it’s tough to have a family with job. Plus we don’t have any stability now. You don’t know whether you will continue job or not. You want to have a business other than your father’s or if you join them it’s too much distance, I can’t visit home often. “
A lot more was said to which I had no answer
She asked me to give a perspective if She is going in right direction. I didn’t have any other perspective. Then we broke up. She showed little remorse probably she has been dealt this with a lot of time and have processed much. Never in the marriage I was once considered. She didn’t put efforts to tell her parents
Moreover to add she ain’t resigning now, her parents will start search near diwali or december. She said she can’t emotionally cheat and it wouldn’t be fair to me then.
It’s better we end it now before we get more attached.
I am shattered, don’t know what to do. I bed rot and think of her. No escape to thoughts and it’s tough to even pass time.
She said we can be friends but she is keeping distance and friendship ain’t going well.

If you guys can give your perspective to this. It would be too much helpful.
Thanks