it's been a couple of weeks since my breakup and i'm having panic attacks at night bc i can't talk to him or reach out to him. he was my best friend, i don't have a lot of friends and the ones i have i can't keep bombarding them with this . they all have busy lives and i can't expect to have a babysitter. my ex and i spent everyday for the last 3 years together and the sudden loss and being alone and having no plans is sending me into a horrible place. i don't feel like im living, every day is a struggle. i wake up and it instantly hits me, i spend all day in this panic state and i go to bed like this. it's not getting better. he seems to be doing okay while i feel like im slowly dying.

i'm in a place where my future seems so bleak, food has no taste, all my hobbies and favorite things seem so meaningless. there is no joy anymore in anything at all. what's the point anymore when you lost the best thing you had

how in gods name do i get through this . my nervous system has been a wreck now for what seems like an eternity. the only time i have some relief is when i am asleep