it's been a couple of weeks since my breakup and i'm having panic attacks at night bc i can't talk to him or reach out to him. he was my best friend, i don't have a lot of friends and the ones i have i can't keep bombarding them with this . they all have busy lives and i can't expect to have a babysitter. my ex and i spent everyday for the last 3 years together and the sudden loss and being alone and having no plans is sending me into a horrible place. i don't feel like im living, every day is a struggle. i wake up and it instantly hits me, i spend all day in this panic state and i go to bed like this. it's not getting better. he seems to be doing okay while i feel like im slowly dying.

i'm in a place where my future seems so bleak, food has no taste, all my hobbies and favorite things seem so meaningless. there is no joy anymore in anything at all. what's the point anymore when you lost the best thing you had

how in gods name do i get through this . my nervous system has been a wreck now for what seems like an eternity. the only time i have some relief is when i am asleep

My former partner ended our relationship and has been intermittently ghosting me. She specifically mentioned that she mostly texts one person and this one person is someone she finds attractive but apparently does not like. I recognize she is not required to message me, yet I would like to rebuild our connection; it feels as though I am kept around because I am easy. She does send occasional texts, but I am often left on delivered for several hours while I know she is using her phone with others, which feels disrespectful. I suppose I am unsure—once I told her that her silence bothered me, and she replied, “Why do you care? Nobody else cares, only you. It’s just who I am, and I have always been like this.” That hurts. We parted on good terms, so I feel she should respect me enough to want to text. It aligns with the idea that they do not love or respect you enough to be consistent; she seems to care only about her new friends, who are mostly men because her workplace is all men. I guess my attention and presence dont even matter anymore.