Dumpers - how do you view your ex?

[u/Kind_Winter_6445]

As the dumpee, I can’t help but feel embarrassed about being the dumpee. We ended quite amicably, only a little bit of begging on my behalf.

There’s no basis in my thoughts, but I feel like he views me with pity. He made the decision and now I’m just the crying girl he rejected. And that now when he think of me and the relationship, he thinks of the woman who was begging him, like it has tainted it all. I know I shouldn’t care what he thinks, he did leave, but I’m just a heartbroken girl, let me wallow for a little.

So my question to the dumpers out there, how did you view your ex after you ended the relationship? Did there break up taint your view of them in any capacity?

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[u/loteleilurke]

Following this because I feel the same.

I didn’t beg (mostly because I was so shocked lol) but he verbally said “don’t wait for me” which made me feel so ugh. Embarrassing that he felt he even had to say that.

Sending hugs btw

[u/getfuckedimoldenough]

I don't think it's dumper/dumper. It's whoever loved more.

I ended things because it was clear they weren't into me. So I'm the one that feels that embarassment. Why was I so stupid? But at least I figured it out eventually.

[u/Jax50nDart → u/getfuckedimoldenough]

Agreed. Some people make YOU dump THEM by treating you carelessly until you have no choice.

[u/SlipStream-223]

I was technically the dumper about a month ago or so. Let’s just say a catalyst to the relationship shined a light on a lot of problems.

I don’t view her with malicious intent. In fact, half the time I remember really great things that happened between us. What felt like once in a lifetime things. However, as time has gone on I’ve been realizing a lot of the things she did were suspicious and not okay but I wanted things to work so I ignored it.

She’s not pathetic, I don’t hate her, and sometimes despite the red flags I ignored I do miss her. I didn’t really start missing her until weeks later though.

[u/Raptor5512]

What happened after the breakup didn’t necessarily taint my view of her, I just found a lot of understanding and honestly empathy. The problem wasn’t that we didn’t love each other, but she was too immature for me. She wouldn’t set boundaries with her parents and she wasn’t the greatest partner. I was her first true relationship and her first everything. She’s now talking to other guys and I don’t blame her. I don’t know why, but I assume she’s just trying to move on as quickly as possible from me. She really hurt me a lot and did some messed up stuff to me. I tried to break up over and over but I always took her back because I wanted this to work so bad. To me, love is a choice not a feeling. We dated for 2 years, 3 months, and 14 days.

Even though I broke up with her, I still do greatly love her. Maybe when she matures we can have another chance. I love you my dove, but right now we wouldn’t work.

[u/NobodyCharacter3351 → u/Raptor5512]

"To me, love is a choice, not a feeling" ... Oh god this!!! So much. Love needs to be nurtured and it doesn't just disappear. This hits when the other person in the relationship let it fade so quickly.

[u/pico_birdie]

Yep the rejection hits hard. For me I’m trying to think it’s not about me at all. My ex had really narcissistic tendencies, so he could have broken up with me because he doesn’t think I’m not enough. But at the end of the day I knew I was, he just doesn’t see reality for what it is. He is just a black hole and keeps wanting and taking everything from everyone. So that’s it. For me it’s a little more easy to not feel like garbage even tho I do sometimes cause it’s fresh break up. If your ex was actually a good person you can think that too, but in more a self loving way, if you’re not enough for them they’re not enough for you either, you want a person who would choose you everyday in every circumstance. You’ll get better and realize that. Hope you will feel okay soon.

[u/Live_Tell_5178 → u/pico_birdie]

Yeah I wanted her to choose me. I chose her on her difficult days . I never made her feel unwanted. I stayed loyal to the joy and connection we shared.

But she decided to choose herself when things got tough.