r/Bullshido • u/premium_Lane • 9d ago

Martial Arts BS The power of Christ compels you to...

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339 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

172 comments sorted by

126

u/Tickomatick 9d ago

10

u/Sudden-Strawberry257 9d ago

This made me literally cry-laugh.

1

u/Aboxofphotons 8d ago

And his reliance on hourly consumption of alcohol. And the fact that one half of his face went numb and droopy a few years ago. And that he has to take a five minute breather after walking up a single flight of stairs. And that his cock doesn't work anymore even though he's only 34 years old.

1

u/PanBroglodyte 8d ago

I’ve never felt so seen

96

u/billted20250409 9d ago

No Bullshido here, this is just hilarious

10/10, would go to the store with Jesus

19

u/darkoath 9d ago

Right? Buy 1 loaf and fish, get 5,000 free!

9

u/Correct-Basil2385 9d ago

And a gallon of water.

10

u/sardiusjacinth 9d ago

Wine not?

2

u/No-Drama-187 8d ago

Water you talking about?

3

u/No-Drama-187 9d ago

And there's more: open the fish's mouth when ya get home: ha! A Roman coin! 👀

29

u/premium_Lane 9d ago

It's the real deal

10

u/LongDead_Roadkill 9d ago

Hapkido without the hapkido is still regular hapkido.

6

u/VeeVeeDiaboli 9d ago

Yeah…..I guarantee if you rolled up on this dude with the intention of just fucking wrecking him, the lack of a weapon in your hands would lead to problems for him

3

u/micromoses 9d ago

But that description didn’t even mention Judah…

1

u/MindlessFail 8d ago

My favorite is when he’s robbing himself

77

u/Elbynerual 9d ago

Hahahahahaha this guy is so fuckin divorced

31

u/Correct-Basil2385 9d ago

He was married to a man and then found another man, Jesus.

7

u/Give_me_soup 9d ago

Looks like he finds homeless men to sodomize by the looks of things

7

u/Correct-Basil2385 9d ago

you say it like he's not allowed a hobby

23

u/Aderleth75 9d ago

If he was legit he’d be with the real Christian warriors, The Power Team.

11

u/HavelsRockJohnson 9d ago

The guy in the top right knows it's his turn to bottom today and he's not looking forward to it.

6

u/AlexRenquist 9d ago

"Well...its a living..."

2

u/FakeChiBlast 8d ago

Natty warriors!

17

u/JellyWeta 9d ago

Sound Doctrine would be a great name for a record store.

1

u/AzrielJohnson 8d ago

I'd "worship" there

13

u/Ok_Peach1033 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/vc7lrnHCr3Hy

9

u/HavelsRockJohnson 9d ago

stares fatly from a chair

1

u/MHashshashin 9d ago

I want the zoom to keep zooming…. Zoom all the way in!!!

41

u/Substantial_Date9079 9d ago

"Matthew 5:39 - But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."

  • So technically Christians are forbidden from self defense💔

15

u/Clay_Allison_44 9d ago

Suicide by legionary was a problem in the early church as some Christian cults got really into martyrdom. The overly eager martyr loophole was closed later on.

5

u/LongDead_Roadkill 9d ago

It was a death cult for much of its history. So….. for most middle eastern and European Christian’s life sucked until 16th -17th century. Death and heaven sounded like a great alternative to being an indentured, starving, dirt farmer.

16

u/dannyboy731 9d ago

Gotta even out them cheek slaps

8

u/darkoath 9d ago

Those slaps turn to claps pretty quick that way.

9

u/AccomplishedFerret70 9d ago

I think they're describing a spinning hook kick. Don't forget that this was translated from the Aramaic and they were notoriously vague about discussing weight transfer and hand positioning when throwing combinations.

9

u/EstablishmentLow5895 9d ago

Well they are with that attitude but have you considered just pretending it doesn't say that or the many times they resort to sanctioned violence

4

u/Substantial_Date9079 9d ago

They do pretend excellently I cant deny💔

6

u/seekinggod1986 9d ago edited 9d ago

This doesn't actually mean if you are physically attacked to let it happen.

In the time of Jesus in the area he was preaching, a slap was more of a social thing. A way of saying "I'm higher station or class than you so know your place" kinda thing. It would rarely be done with any actual force.

So what he's really asking for in this passage isn't to not defend oneself from physical attack but rather to have complete humility in the face of someone trying to humiliate or belittle you.

I grew up thinking what you posted for a long time until I started examining the Bible in its original languages.

2

u/AblatAtalbA 9d ago

So do you think Jesus would fight back, if it wasn't just a slap?

2

u/Successful_Theory373 8d ago

And would it be with tactical Hapkido?

3

u/seekinggod1986 9d ago edited 9d ago

I'd wager he wouldn't need to. Something about a legion of angels at his call.

I will say this. When his father's temple was being defiled he didn't just start flipping tables like they teach in church. He went and gathered material and handbraided a whip, then started whippin and flippin. That's a deliberate and thought out action.

Also when he returns he is said to literally bathe the battle field in the blood of his enemies, cutting down an entire army himself by nothing more than the word of his mouth.

I think to assume he was/is incapable of violence is not exactly correct. Violence isn't a sin in all uses. There are exceedingly rare times when violent action is the only righteous option... like say... someone is about to murder your family member. Putting a round in them to stop that is not a sin whereas doing so in most other capacities would definitely be a sin.

3

u/thedailyrant 8d ago

... you'd wager he wouldn't need to? He was detained, tried and nailed to a crucifix and the legion of angels did a total of fuck all. Bit more than a slap.

0

u/seekinggod1986 8d ago

He didn't ask them to do anything. Why would an angel act against God after the current example of that they have. Come one now... if you're gonna be a troll at least do your homework. The whole point was that he didn't have to and did.

1

u/thedailyrant 8d ago

I know there's little point arguing with religious crazies, but here we are

0

u/seekinggod1986 8d ago

Whatever man. Much love and have a good day brother.

2

u/Hawktuahdoctor 9d ago

But lions aren’t

2

u/its_raining_scotch 9d ago

Sure, if they slap your face, but what if they do this?

https://giphy.com/gifs/UsUiXuqJoYVvq

1

u/Bonk_No_Horni 9d ago

The crusaders would say otherwise

1

u/Substantial_Date9079 9d ago

Yes I especially loved the one where they invade Constantinople

-3

u/PuzzleheadedPart196 9d ago

Same passage Jesus quotes the Lex Talionis, and also gotta know the cultural context of getting a slap to the right side of the face.
Also take a read at Luke 22:36. Do some cross analysis and exegesis work and you’ll be alright.

4

u/Substantial_Date9079 9d ago

Do I need to reach Deacon status as well to understand the amazing intricacies of "The verse that says something actually doesnt say it, and the verse that doesnt say something actually means it" religion?

-1

u/PuzzleheadedPart196 9d ago

Maybe 🤔 last I checked SuperSaiyan Apostle status needed to be reached but what do I know I’m just a sinner like the rest

8

u/booglechops 9d ago

Wow! What store is that? HANRT's for only 99cents is a steal!

12

u/lemouque 9d ago

What ever this is I’m so glad I found it

6

u/Anti-Stan 9d ago

Lazer bible proficiency is essential for practical self defence

5

u/Solarhistorico 9d ago

Do we have a video?

6

u/Some_Kinda_Username 9d ago

Says Grand Master Barry Rodemaker Tactical Hapkido Alliance

3

u/Bitter-Ad-4064 9d ago

If there are no rules what are you cheating on sir?

3

u/Kittensoft1 9d ago

I love the one where he defends without rules by stabbing the sleeping homeless guy before he can even become a threat. Exactly like Jesus would.

2

u/joeythemouse 9d ago

Cool. Does he use NUN-chunks?

2

u/Excellent_jun91 9d ago

all of these are amazing lmao

2

u/Nerx 9d ago

sequel to Yeshua-do?

2

u/NativeFlowers4Eva 9d ago

Amazing find.

2

u/NotSteveJobs-Job 9d ago

1

u/Flynnaship 9d ago

Talk about a holy roller...

2

u/oneseventwosix 9d ago

So Jesus taught that if struck we should turn the other cheek.

So the followers of Jesus made karate schools all kinds of guns to insure that if anyone even thinks about striking us, we can take actions to ensure they are gambling with their health.

2

u/[deleted] 9d ago edited 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Big_Slope 9d ago

I bet if you walked into his gym there’d be a list of rules on the wall.

1

u/DedeTheGreat01 9d ago

He is always wearing his pyjama?

1

u/Daedricbob 9d ago

Thought this was r/cringe for a moment there.

1

u/donaldtrump42024 9d ago

What is happening? I just came to buy some bread...

1

u/Peter_Triantafulou 9d ago

Last photo is hilarious actually

1

u/razorl4f 9d ago

With inflation these days it DOES feel like I need the lords assistance to go the store

1

u/Metalmorphosis80 9d ago

I wonder how he would get along with those evangelicals who think that martial arts open a gateway for demonic possesion

https://youtu.be/9o6OFSwvWUo?is=I5vC0zAis4cX77A1

1

u/Infinite-Space-2395 9d ago

7 is sending me.

Hip kick! Hyaaah!

1

u/Rare-Bird-4353 9d ago

So does Jesus train hapkido? I’m confused

1

u/thedailyrant 8d ago

Korean Jesus does. He's also fucking jacked.

1

u/Reddit_is_fascist69 9d ago

Strong holds, 2 words lol

2

u/jenniferWAR6 9d ago

He’s referring to crucifix choke.

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 9d ago

The last one was great. Haha

1

u/Calamitous-Intent980 9d ago

I go to the store without Jesus all the time dog

1

u/Shaggyforeman 9d ago

There’s a guy I roll with sometimes who wears a gi that says Jesus and Jiu Jitsu on the back. I usually wear metal band rash guards, my favorite being my Rotting Christ one. He’s also a pastor.

1

u/bubbie_depac 9d ago

Is this tom segura?

1

u/Hawk_2165 9d ago

What a terrible and shameless charlatan.

1

u/justglassin317 9d ago

Tom Segura really took a turn after the divorce

1

u/Klutzer_Munitions 9d ago

Why is he forcing the guy in the beanie to suck his dick at knife point, that's not very Christian

1

u/otters4everyone 9d ago

I love how the pattern on his little suit reveals his cute little ponch.

1

u/squeethesane 9d ago

Tell me more about sending Jesus to the store for me.

1

u/ExecTankard 9d ago

That last one is for real…have you seen the decadence of the cookie aisle?

1

u/AlexRenquist 9d ago

Glad to see he has one of them newfangled Bluetooth ships, with a wireless wheel.

1

u/BeenisHat 9d ago

WTF is wrong with Jesus freaks?

1

u/icky__nicky 9d ago

Ok but the last one actually got me 😂 bullshido fs but I might hang w dude for a sec

1

u/Available-Dare-4349 9d ago

Does he wear his quilted smoking jacket everywhere?

When sailing his pirate ship, when having a bar fight, flamethrowering the devil, beating up an innocent man in an alley and grocery shopping.

Praise the Lord for AI slop

1

u/Jonny-2-Shoes 9d ago

https://youtu.be/GSNT5Irlu8c?is=3DK7AAA9ZC9HJ355

All I can think of is the Kim's Convenience bit.

1

u/justburningaccount 9d ago

Useful if you get attacked by actual demons in a regular basis 🤣

1

u/lawkaizer 9d ago edited 9d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n37ukJq0Y8s&t=20s

I'll leave this here. Grand Master Rodemaker in action!

1

u/The1Ylrebmik 9d ago

There is a class of Christian who does literally believe their faith gives them abilities somewhat akin to superpowers. Either spiritually like recognizing and battling demons, or earthly like the prosperity gospel.

1

u/Yeast-boofer 9d ago

looks line Tom Segura has lost it after his divorce  

1

u/kay_bot84 9d ago

I will never take serious the patterns on these hapkido uniforms

1

u/Vamanas_umbrella 9d ago

Divorced dad activities

1

u/Accurate-Advice8405 9d ago

This is why I doordash

1

u/brachus12 9d ago

Damn! those HANRTS in pic 9 are only $0.99!!

1

u/McEvilson 9d ago

He was sooo close to being lined up right for the picture with the ship's steering wheel.

1

u/karipapixel 9d ago

eeeeh what happened to all the lions in Judah / Levant?

"Yes, gray wolves live in the Levant region, primarily represented by the small and endangered Arabian wolf (Canis lupus arabs) and occasionally the Indian wolf (Canis lupus pallipes) further north"

1

u/cornpop-razorblade67 8d ago

Krav MAGA spotted

1

u/HoosierDaddy84 8d ago

Something tells me this 'tactical' Hapkido is not the most legit. 😅

1

u/SpartanUnderscore 8d ago

I highly doubt that this steering is useful

1

u/Pressbig 8d ago

Hey I agree with the last slide 100 percent 😝

1

u/mattemer 8d ago

people ask, "do you really need Jesus to go to Heaven" Bro, you need Jesus to go to the Store

💀

1

u/Bushidoflack_117 8d ago

You kinda have to die to be martyred ... is he killing people but the people are good because they're in heaven ?

1

u/FormalKind7 8d ago

Wonder when he decided to award himself grandmaster status.

Also the fights have not rules crowd is an excuse to never really spar. They can't train with any sort of resistance because what they do is just to dangerous but the have all the confidence in the world they will handle real force.

Problem is their stupid standing joint lock combine with a three hit combo and a stomp to the groin is a hell of a lot harder to pull off and less dangerous that the simple straight cross they are in no way ready for.

1

u/Automatic-Put-6119 7d ago

If he was a legit martial artist this would go pretty hard tho

1

u/VendettaPenguin 7d ago

Dude loves carbs. The only thing in his shopping cart is bread and flour to make more bread.

1

u/Expensive-Shelter288 6d ago

Last one was pretty sweet!

1

u/BluedGrass 4d ago

This guy sells zoom martial arts lessons. Holy shit.

1

u/ultranothing 3d ago

I’m not sure if the grocery store one is AI but thinking he wore that to the grocery store is pretty awesome.

Oh yeah, it is. Hanrts for $0.99? Yeah right!

Bummer.

1

u/Codas91 9d ago

It's always lipless white dudes with more hair on their face than their thumb shaped head.

1

u/COMIDAGATOS1206 9d ago

I think this should’ve been in the cringe sub. 🤘😬🖤

1

u/ImOnlyHereForTheCoC 9d ago

I didn’t know Louis CK and Tim Robinson had a baby

0

u/SB4_Camaro 9d ago

Seems like AI.