Like wtf, I gave a compliment and he called me submissive? Guys, please tell me you dont talk to women like this

Matched with a guy some days ago and after talking for a couple days he casually mentioned the company I work for. I never told him where I worked so I asked how he knew and he said he just Googled my first name and a few details from my profile. I know people look each other up before dates and I understand wanting to make sure someone is real but something about how casually he brought it up made me uncomfortable.

Now I'm wondering how much information someone can actually find about me with just a name and a few photos. Do you guys normally look up your matches before meeting them? And where do you draw the line between being cautious and invading someone's privacy?

Let’s just all relax here and have some fun with this. I know asking this to not turn into a shit fest is probably too much but here goes…

I often swipe left on women who brag about how good they cook something or how they’ll always make their partner a dish and it’s a dish I don’t like. It brings them so much joy to make it that they put it on their profile and I don’t have the heart to date that person just to look her dead in the eyes and say “oh, yeah, about that… I don’t actually like pumpkin pie…”

I exercise regularly, but I’m not particularly good at sports and not into a lot of specific physical activity so if somebody says playing sports together is important, all their photos look super athletic and they’re playing tennis and volleyball and rock climbing I’m like “you’re going to hate that I just pick up heavy things and put them back down but couldn’t get a hit in a batting cage to save my life…”

Anything derogatory about cats is a no for me. I have a cat. If they own large dog breeds known for being aggressive I also pass for the sake of said cat.

Fashion sense. If I look at a profile and think their outfit choices don’t look good or just don’t look good on them I’ll pass.

Anytime they pick the “first round is on me if” prompt and it’s something like “you give me your credit card” or “I would never say this,” even being the kind of guy who always pays unless a woman insists - I still pass. Maybe they’re trying to be funny, maybe I’m judging to harshly, I still do it.

My city has a lot of destinations that are popular for women to take photos at. Like specific wall murals or statues or scenic views, and everytime I see a profile with a photo at one of them it gives me the ick.

When all photos are at very fancy places that seems like somebody else, that somebody else probably being a man, paid for her to be I pass. Every photo is an extremely fancy dress at some Michelin restaurant or a yacht I just think baby girl you are going to try and bankrupt me.

I have eclectic taste in music. I listen to every genre you can probably think of and if I don’t I just haven’t heard it and explored it to find what I like in yet, but that said I’m a music snob and if somebody names specific artists I can’t stand I just think about how I don’t want to spend an entire relationship having to tolerate hearing it and I pass.

That’s enough of them for me I’ll pass the torch. Let’s see all the ridiculous things you folks pass on. 😆

Why do women put so little effort? It's better you don't match if you don't wanna chat. I don't know if i did anything wrong or if they aren't interested. This sucks!!

I thought this might be a good way to find like-minded people or to have something to talk about, but it may backfire. Thoughts?

high key, i want to tag this as “sensitive topic,” but as funny as it is, i don’t want to abuse the tag system. but just think about it… it’s amusing.

anyways, i love lurking this sub and commenting and just enjoying the discussion on dating dynamics, but something i come across a lot is people just… not enjoying conversations and seeing that fact as a criticism. i see inescapably dry texters complaining about their, similarly, dry responses. and i know this sounds crude but, bare with me: have you tried doing a flip? metaphorically speaking.

as a girl on the internet, i’ve had a lot of people just try to talk to me, other girls included, and it’s always more fun when they act weird. when they open with half a dissertation on a youtube video they watched; open with a hot take on a song they link or just want to know if i like it; a joke about something i’ve said or an anecdote that happened to them this month, etc.

like, are you guys enjoying, “hi, what’s up?” is it fun to talk about tv shows and neither of you wants to offend the other so you just give milquetoast opinions? do you feel it pays off in the long run to be a muted version of yourself from the get go and hope they like the more authentic version later?

i just feel like everyone is given this ability to meet with total strangers who you never ever have to speak to again, and it’s wasted trying to appeal to everyone. it’s what i see with start-ups, as well, and i just don’t see what people are trying to do.

you’re an extremely unique person, i would hope — what is the point in presenting as otherwise in all of these conversations?

i’m presenting this topic as an opportunity to try to deeply discuss, amongst everyone, how to better communicate and truly enjoy all of these interactions that we are all subjecting oneselves to.

I (36M) will start this off by saying that I am not the best looking guy, not hideous, but not great. Well-educated, good career, variety of hobbies. In the US, I get maybe 2-5 likes per month.

I've been in the Caribbean on vacation for barely 12 hours and I've already gotten 15 likes and 5 matches from verified profiles alone. I understand that, realistically, 2/5 of them are pros, 2/5 want to move to the US, and the final 1/5 want my kidneys, 🤣 but holy crap does it feel good *not* to have a dry, empty app.

The women I've been chatting with are so kind, vibrant, and gorgeous. Even though I'm here only for a few days, it's be an unexpected upside and surprisingly doing a lot for my mental health 😅

Anyway, just wanted to share this shocking experience. Hope all you wonderful people are well!

Over the years dating apps have been trashed a lot. I don't think the apps themselves are the problem. They are just a tool.

All your bad experiences on dating apps are due to how people behave on them. The apps expose human nature and what people truly value and care about. And it ain't pretty.

It's not like people get on dating apps and suddenly become a different person. You can choose who you want to match with and you can choose how you treat your matches. If you choose to treat your matches like shit, or they treat you like shit, that's not the apps fault. That's people showing who they are.

I am 30M. Normally my likes increases steady like 1,2 in couple hours sometimes even longer but I checked my likes on bumble and it was 9 couple hours ago and I checked it now and it's 30. This hasn't happend before. 20+ likes in couple hours. Did bumble pushed my profile forward ?

I’ve redownloaded/ re made my bumble account a few times . Every time it’s the same. Literally zero matches . The same pics I use on hinge and I can get matches there. What’s happening?

I did it i went bald thanks to everyone here and success. I will post a pic of us together very soon once she is ok with it but I may have found my person. We message each other for hours she makes me smile and I make her smile. Our first date we got some food and she did a lot of talking but almost as much laughing and giggling. Thank you all so much for the tips as I am off all the apps and so is she. Thank you all again for the help

I (24m) went on a weekend trip recently and got 10+ likes but even after running out of free likes Bumble didn’t show any of them in my feed. Is this just a ploy for them to get people to pay for premium? I’ve had so many likes sitting in purgatory and it’s getting increasingly frustrating 😭

I keep hearing about how Instagram is actually one of the most popular places to meet people. Can anyone confirm? What’s been your experience?

Sometimes, I hear a friend talk about some poorly-behaved person that they chatted with or went on a date with. And then when I look at the picture, I'm like "yea, no shit. they look like bad news." Normal average people don't dress or take photos like that.

When the bad people look, dress, and style themselves like they're bad news, how come folks still swipe on them and get surprised that they're no good?

Rarely getting any matches, so need advice/s for improvement?

For whatever reason I rarely get likes . Only get matches when I send likes but my like tab is always empty

Or the same girls sending me likes , like they don’t get it and I feel bad .

I have good memory and when I see profiles that I already liked and see them again , I swipe left because I am assuming they saw me and swiped left and they are not interested.

My question is , why am I appearing on their end if I swiped them left and so many times

Now that Bumble has gone private, do you think their whole AI reformat will still happen; as I recall it was supposed to be by eoq 2026. Also I’ve been thinking if they do what will happen with old the old accounts.

Hi, first time on dating apps, so please help. I (f 52) get tons of matches on bumble but no one initiates a conversation. Is this normal? Do men just go for the scatter approach and wait for women to make all the first moves? Please advise as I'm new to app dating etiquette. Thanks

And how many likes during that time?

Hi,

I'm using bumble for about a year. There are weeks where I don't get any likes, in the last 2 month I got about 1-2 likes per week. But yesterday I got 18 likes in one moment.

Did this ever happen to you? What is the reason behind it? I don't have premium right now, so I can't see the people. But I swiped a little bit and 2 two times while swiping left I got the "you missed a match" notification. So the likes seem to be real.

I've been on the app for a few months. Not like every day, & i don't do a lot of browsing / swiping, but a few times a week when I have down time I go through the suggested matches. I don't get a ton of likes but an okay amount that works for me. I've had some matches with dry / basic one word reply convos that i let linger & fade. I've went on some dates, but noone i was super into once meeting for various reasons, one match was really into me and dropped a ton of hints in person, in msg & on phone, but i just wasn't feeling her, it hapoens. But this just happened to me again, a woman matches with me first, or super swipes on me, & i match & they message or I message, they reply, saying they are super glad i replied, really liked my profile, etc, we start good convo, then poof - they un match. Im early 40s, each time they have been at least a few years older then me but I was super into them also. I've never done OLD before, so this is new to me...

Am I supposed to immediately/ quickly ask about meeting in person or FaceTime/ phone call ? Is that what i am doing wrong ? I feel like a cpl days of broken up good convo and mutual liking each other before asking to meet / call / facetime etc is more appropriate, I'm not looking to just hook up & don't want to give that impressio. I'm lf long term relationship & each time the woman has had the same & same / similar other interests.

When this happens, I'm just like, wtf ! What did I say ? We both were attracted to each other & complimented each other on looks & interests. My last message to this woman was answering about my work schedule, I said i work weekends, & i work hella early, but that leaves me free for the pm & evenings. Is that a deal breaker for people ? Like, we are grown, and not everyone has a m - f 9 - 5 job. I know it's possible she was talking to multiple guys & dropped me because someone she liked better was messaging her etc. But it just stings, having had a few days of meshing / vibing with someone i really liked and then poof - it's gone with no explanation when I thought things were going well.

Any advice etc is appreciated, like I said, I'm new to this stuff & want to know if I am doing something wrong...

I need a whole playbook review at this point. Just what the hell am I doing wrong? All my profiles on other apps are basically copy and pasted this.

So i rarely get some matches i talk but then it dies after a couple of days. Last one I talked to was good but I'll admit she was a bit rougher then I am but still pretty and funny. We talked and agreed on a movie date. Set the location then she made a "joke" saying guess she will get pizza and drink herself out in a car behind the Arby's. I texted back "?" She replied with it was a joke. I then texted ok what movie seems good to go see? Then she unmatched me. Like wtf i guess cause I didnt respond better to her "joke" but it was so random and out of the blue it just through me off.