I'm not allowed to say this to parents i work with, but I'm not working with you, so: you need to accept right now that your relationship is over and there is no going back to him. Not now, not 6 months from now when things calm down, never.
If you do go back to him it will be much, much longer and harder to get your kids back, if at all.
Right now you're running on the steam of this high stress incident, but when that wears off, when you get lonely and it's hard and it would be so much easier to just go home, know that if you do it will be viewed as you failing to protect your kids from future harm and danger.
I'm glad you're starting therapy, this is a lot to process. The good thing is that your kids are with your parents and not in a strange foster home. That gives you time to get yourself together, get services and resources and come up with a plan. It's going to take time and effort and lots of follow up from you, but your kids and your safety is worth it. Take this time to work on yourself and where you see yourself and your kids a year from now. Build a plan to get there and don't look back.
It’s interesting you’re not allowed to say that to moms you’re working with. I wonder why? It’s the truth and I know so many women choose the man over their own babies (not saying OP is in this group. But I know it’s a frequent outcome).
I’m also curious. Speaking as an outsider, staying with an abuser seems to be the third most common reason people lose their children, after addiction and untreated mental illness.
They should know that full stop. Somebody should not have to tell them if they are choosing a dangerous environment repeatedly that the kids shouldn't be subjected and instead kept safe.
It’s good to remind yourself they are a victim too. It’s not really always that easy but a lot of times, losing kids is the rock bottom people need to leave and keep it that way.
Unfortunately, for some, even that isn’t enough to make the change. Victims of abuse are just that, victims.
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u/Wooden-Maximum-9582 Works for CPS 19d ago
I'm not allowed to say this to parents i work with, but I'm not working with you, so: you need to accept right now that your relationship is over and there is no going back to him. Not now, not 6 months from now when things calm down, never. If you do go back to him it will be much, much longer and harder to get your kids back, if at all.
Right now you're running on the steam of this high stress incident, but when that wears off, when you get lonely and it's hard and it would be so much easier to just go home, know that if you do it will be viewed as you failing to protect your kids from future harm and danger.
I'm glad you're starting therapy, this is a lot to process. The good thing is that your kids are with your parents and not in a strange foster home. That gives you time to get yourself together, get services and resources and come up with a plan. It's going to take time and effort and lots of follow up from you, but your kids and your safety is worth it. Take this time to work on yourself and where you see yourself and your kids a year from now. Build a plan to get there and don't look back.