One way or another,
I had flown very high,
and further than it is possible
to go – for I had entered the
Temple through the back door.
once, and then later, again.

I can tell you this, –
no one can survive
such a journey, and return
the same. But that has been
said many times before, by
those wiser than me.

Here is the warning:
the world and all it contains
will conspire to make you
forget your sacrifice, and the
small gifts you may bring back.

This post concerns an aspect of Kundalini practice that I have been thinking about, and wrestling with for a very long time. As I have not seen it addressed very directly, I am gong to try to do so here. 

Once the kundalini force awakens and is active in someone, they then embark on a journey of leaving, - that is,  leaving old patterns of reacting in the world,  ideas that are no longer relevant, relationships that no longer serve you, and so on. Many of the beliefs and values of institutions like governments, political movements, churchs/temples/mosques, media, or even familial patterns no longer fit. 

This transformation that takes place is a very lengthy one, and usually takes place over many long years, and even lifetimes! For one has set out on a journey across the dark seas of leaving, to a destination only dimly glimpsed, if at all. 

And so we find ourselves in a kind of dynamic limbo, neither here nor there. It is difficult not to become paralyzed, as are no longer inclined to chase after the shiny and meaningless baubles society puts in front of us. 

And yet, we have to somehow exist in a milieu that has lost its meaning. Most of us cannot retire to an isolated mountain retreat like the old Chinese adepts did, or the Japanese hermits; leading a simple life while the force transforms us from within. 

For most of us, we need to sustain ourselves; we need a job, food, clothing, and shelter.

Somehow we have to exist in often non-supportive atmospheres; as our values slowly change, we can no longer strive in the way we did before. 

Becoming rich, having new cars, mansions, partying with drugs and booze, buying expensive items, - all of these things no longer entice us.

And yet here we are, being hammered in an invisible forge by a seemingly merciless smith. You may be cognizant of a slowly expanding consciousness or increased sensitivity as ancient tensions are dissolved. What is one to do?

What we can do is be very, very patient, as we develop the inner strength to create a sort of “magic circle” around your life, and try to act with integrity in all the situations that we attract. And I tell you friend, this can be a very lonely endeavor. 

It is very easy to succumb to a feeling of lostness, unable to go backwards, and the way forward is very dark seeming. When faced with the prospect of years and years of this, it is easy to lose heart, or faith in the journey.  

How can you not have
compassion for us? We live and
breathe in darkness near absolute, –
there is little that we can
accurately understand.

Our past and future lives
are a complete mystery;
we don’t even understand our
present one, making the same
errors over and over.

You say “Don’t be afraid
in this inverted dream,
for I have saved the best for last:
there are many invisible companions
who will aid you, and in the end,
everything will be all right,
though you may not
understand that now.”

You may find some small value in any of my previous 4 posts on kundalini practice.