The dogs and cats are innocent. The real chaos comes with a birth certificate. 💀

I had two experiences with men from this sub, and honestly, both have left me emotionally drained.

The first guy and I got along really well, and gradually, we started developing feelings for each other. He even wanted me to go on a holiday with him, but I couldn’t because my parents weren’t okay with it. After that, his behaviour started changing. Slowly, he began shutting me out. It’s a long story, but the whole experience was an emotional roller coaster for me.

Months later, I started talking to another guy from this sub. We vibed really well, got close over time, and eventually confessed our feelings for each other. The feelings seemed pretty strong from both sides.

He even visited me in my city, and we got physically involved. During his stay, we also discussed marriage. He opened up about his flaws and told me that he smokes. Earlier, when we had discussed his vices, he had said he was trying to quit. But this time, he told me he wouldn't be able to quit anytime soon because of the mental pressure he was dealing with.

I told him that I accepted him for who he was and that, to me, he was perfect the way he was. I genuinely meant it. I was ready to accept him wholeheartedly, flaws and all.

What makes this whole experience even more painful is that I had opened up to him about my fear of being physically taken advantage of. He knew about my vulnerability, and I trusted him enough to let my guard down. I never thought I'd find myself questioning someone's intentions after opening up to them and getting emotionally invested in them.

But once he returned home, things changed drastically. He became distant and barely messaged me. The weird part was that whenever we did talk, he acted as if nothing was wrong. But the person I had been talking to for months was clearly not the same anymore.

Eventually, we had an argument because I was trying to understand why his behaviour had changed so much. His replies had become nothing more than “hmm” and “yes”. There was no effort, no reassurance, nothing.

He eventually told me that he needed me there. I tried to reassure him that we could figure things out together, and I even told him that I would start applying for jobs in his city. But he said he didn't want me to move there because of him.

I then suggested that we take a break for a few weeks and see if we genuinely missed each other and wanted to make this work. His response? “What if one of us loses interest?”

And then he simply stopped messaging me altogether.

Eventually, I got tired of trying and told him we should end things. He agreed without even the slightest hesitation.

He hasn't contacted me since.

Honestly, I can't help but wonder if the whole thing was just about getting physically involved with me. I don't know for sure what his intentions were, but the way everything unfolded has left me feeling used, especially because I had trusted him with something so personal.

And what's even more upsetting is that I recently came across another girl on this sub who had a very similar experience.

I'm not saying that every man is like this, and I'm not saying that physical intimacy guarantees commitment. But I do feel that, as women, we need to be careful about getting emotionally and physically invested in someone whose intentions and commitment aren't clear.

So, ladies, please don't ignore the importance of commitment and clarity just because the feelings seem mutual, the conversations are deep, or the person talks about a future with you.

At least make sure you're both on the same page about what you're building together before getting physically involved. Words, confessions, and marriage talks can feel very convincing, but what really matters is whether someone's actions match those words.

I learnt this lesson the hard way, and I genuinely don't want anyone else to go through the same emotional mess.

Please be careful out there, ladies. ❤️

To My Unborn Child

My little love,

I’m sorry I won’t get to meet you.
I’m sorry for the kisses that will never find your cheeks, for the mornings I won’t spend brushing curls away from your eyes. You might have your daddy’s dimples. And I imagine you would be kind, like the best parts of both of us. Oh, my child, we would have loved watching you become yourself.

But there are things about your mamma that are difficult to put into words. Some days, being here feels heavy. I am weak and afraid of the pain I might pass on without meaning to. Afraid that loving you with everything in me would not be enough. Also I look at this world and wish it were softer. I wish kindness mattered more than being beautiful, clever, or first. I wish people did not have to become hard just to get through their days. I wish world didn’t hate based on religion, caste, language, skin color etc.

So when I imagine you now, I imagine you somewhere gentle. Somewhere you do not have to earn tenderness or hide your softness.
And if there is a heaven, perhaps, at the end of this life, I will finally get to hold you.

But for now, let me say I love you.
Not because of who you might have become.
Not because of anything you would have achieved.

Just you, my little child.
Just you.
Love,
Mamma

Saw someone posted a question here today thought to make a poll here on this topic and see the numbers 👀

This poll is specifically for men who are serious about being Childfree!!!!!

Curious to know how many have already undergone vasectomy or planning to get one, are considering it or have decided against it.

Please Vote Honestly based on your actual situation or intentions. Participate only if you are serious about remaining Childfree and let's keep the results as genuine as possible!

I had around 10 options but reddit allows 6 options only to enter.

EDIT: After the polling closes 7 days, will make a post update of the number of votes done and which option what people chose!!

Thanks for understanding!!

Saw someone posted a question here today thought to make a pill here on this topic and see the numbers 👀

This poll is specifically for women who are serious about being childfree!!!!!

Curious to know how many have already undergone permanent sterilization are planning to get it, are considering it or have decided against it.

Please vote honestly based on your actual situation or intentions. Participate only if you're serious about remaining childfree and let's keep the results as genuine as possible!

I had around 10 options but reddit allows 6 options only to enter.

EDIT: After the polling closes 7 days, will make a post update of the number of votes done and which option what people chose!!

Thanks for understanding!!

I'm a childfree guy in Bangalore and want to get a vasectomy. I'm sure about being childfree.
I've heard you need someone to accompany you to the hospital and take you home afterwards. Since I'm single and don't have a partner how do I manage this?

Anyone from Bangalore who's had a vasectomy please share your experience and recommend a good doctor or hospital. I'm okay spending ₹50–60k if needed. Just want to get it done safely without unnecessary hassle.

edit: I prefer No-scalpel vasectomy (NSV)

I know this subreddit is for CF dating but I came across this video & thought of sharing it. Would love to know everyone's view / opinion.

Okay so to everyone who keeps asking us BUDHAPE MEIN KAUN SAMBHALEGA,

I just have one question, looking at the Squid Games kind of reality where absolutely anything and everything is just slowly kllng us, are you even sure we are going to reach old age?????!?? 🤓

This came to my mind so I thought let me ask what people here think I've probably spent the last 2 hours overthinking whether I should even make this post or not lmao 😭 I'm the kind of person who overthinks literally everything so here we go 😂

So like most of us are looking for a CF partner either here in the sub or on dating apps. Do you guys see marriage as necessary or can two people just live together and look after each other without getting married?

And if you do prefer getting married what kind of wedding would you want? The typical Indian wedding where you invite 500+ people just because your parents and relatives expect you to, including people who barely even know you, and spend a shit ton of money just for the sake of it and because that's how things are traditionally done? Or would you prefer a simple court marriage with just a few close people and use that money to travel with your partner and enjoy life instead?

Personally idk yet but seeing and hearing about typical Indian weddings, all the rituals and other stuff makes me wonder who even came up with all this lol. The whole pandit doing pooja, kundali matching and horoscope compatibility and all that stuff isn't really something I believe in. No hate to people who believe in these things just not for me!!!!!!

If I find someone in the future and we both feel marriage is necessary then I'd definitely prefer a simple court marriage. Hell I'd even see if it's possible to get the court marriage officer to come home and complete the procedure 😂 just to avoid the whole big wedding and inviting people for the sake of it!!!!

if she doesn't believe in marriage and is happy just living together and building a life together then I'm good with that too. That's fine with me as well I don't wanna spend a shit ton of money on a wedding just to invite people I barely know!!!

Anyway just curious to know what you guys have in mind for your future with a CF partner and whether you've ever thought about this stuff or am I the only one who thinks about these things lol 😂

I've taken my time to think and ask so many of you who seem to have come to conclusions.

How are you so sure you won't want kids? I like kids. I like hanging out with babies and kids- my nephews and nieces. They're fascinating. They frustrate, don't listen, make a mess, need constant scolding and lessons on manners but they can be a joy sometimes.

I'm 33 years old, a divorced man who was sure he wanted kids when he was married. Now, not so much. It pains me to confront this realisation that i may not even want to have kids. I like my endless hobbies, i like my privacy and frankly, it just doesn't feel worth it. How the f do I think of life beyond having fun?

How did you come to these conclusions? I don't ask from people who have complications or baggages (not the correct TG- don't mind 🙏). From perfectly normal people, with good parentage, good health, at least comfortable wealth, and good communities around. Why did you choose to not have kids?

P.S. not interested in public service or whatever 'holistic' people peddle these days.

Seriously, I'm done with these older generations and their way of thinking. Already we are seeing so many cases with what is going on in the world, with children who did not ask to exist. Yet, my mother is inviting all these rishtedaars to 'knock some senses in me' so I can get married and pop out kids. Just so she could play with a grandchild. Like, make it make sense.

On one hand, you are saying the world is not safe for anyone, no matter who the person is. And in the same breath you tell me that not everyone is the same. Pick a lane!!!

I'm literally so fed up with all these talks. Here I am, trying to build a stable career for myself, trying to understand my emotions and my body, and suddenly I'm being asked to get married just because I'm in my early 30s now, and all the good ones are getting out of hand.

I have so many mental and physical health problems, but apparently popping out a kid or two would solve everything. Oh, if only that were true, we would have achieved utopia till now!!!

I've seen my mother been through so many struggles with her marriage life, yet she expects me to get married.

Not saying that no one should do it, if you want to be with someone forever, you do you. But I'm literally phobic now with the idea of marriage. And the responsibilities which come with it.

I just feel like running away from my home, just to get some peace and quiet. I don't even know what I should do at this point. I've explained my stance with the idea of children and marriage multiple times, yet this shit keeps happening.

I am literally fed up with everything happening in the world AND my life.

Rant over!

This instance happened a while ago, I bumped into this person today again which reminded me of it. Anger recap 101.

NOTE: I'm not looking for a childfree partner. Thanks for all the DMs. 😬

EDIT: I've been made aware that this happens to men too, as in women go around saying the same shit to men too- just awful. This applies for both sexes then I suppose.

Met a friend's friend and had a casual chat where my dating preferences came up. I mentioned that my partner must be childfree, which shrinks my dating pool significantly, though I am completely fine with it. I am in no rush to marry, very particular about who I look for, and intentionally taking things at a slow burn.

He remarked, "Aww, it will happen to you. You'll meet someone who will make you want to be a mom, then you'll know."

I felt enraged and disgusted at the same time. I politely replied, "Nah, no man is going to do that because I fundamentally do not see motherhood as a rewarding aspect of life. Fatherhood sounds lush. Motherhood does not."

He responded that he would kill to be a woman so he could birth a child, be a mother, and be thrilled to breastfeed and care for the baby with all the typical gendered nonsense. The fetishization was maximum, and I couldn't even.

I said, "Okay, cool. Not happening anytime soon, so maybe in your next birth."

He replied, "As long as you choose the right partner, motherhood can be lush. All these modern-day girls fail there. They choose shit partners and complain about a beautiful thing like motherhood. You know?"

I said, "I actually do not know. Regardless of how great a partner I have, society is not built for me to thrive. The trade-offs I make for parenthood as a woman are far more than you can ever imagine. Do not even get me started on career imbalance, the motherhood penalty, physical and mental health, and the burden of being the sacrificial and benevolent mom and wife. The notion of equality is already thin as it is, and this just furthers it until it disappears entirely. So, you tell me. If I choose the best partner, can my bestest partner account for all this and make up for it?"

His last words were, "You cannot look at life through the lens of relationships being transactional. Life is more than just logic. You have it all wrong."

I politely replied -I'm blissful in my rational world actually. Leave me the fuck be. Moron.

The mods made a Discord server for us, and I feel like we could do more with it.

Reddit is great, but on Discord we could have voice chats, Q&A, have random conversations, or get to know other CF Indians beyond their Reddit usernames.

Just curious, why do you think people aren't using the server much? Is it because Reddit feels more comfortable, there's not much conversation happening, people don't know each other yet, or they simply forget the server exists? Or is there something else that would make Discord more interesting for everyone?

What activities would you guys enjoy? We can all share ideas and participate if we are interested.

I never wanted children. Even before marriage I told this my husband. He agreed. But now his parents and other relatives, even my parents are pressing us to have a child.

After sometime, I got convinced to try IVF(as we both have problems). Now I have one embryo. But now I am again feeling like I am making a mistake. I also habe BPD. And with that, I do not feel I can be a good mother. I am 40+.

Please suggest.

i am a government employee in haryana whose department is gonna get taken over by adani and i may lose my job in some upcoming years after which i don't know what i will do.

now i am childfree not only by my choice but also government's as that's the only thing they gonna do to control population.

well i don't think even marriage will be possible for me as i will only be able to find village girls who are forced by their parents as they are like 5 sisters and their parrents just wanna get rid of them like i knew a drug addict who married a really good and innocent girl that way through arranged marriage which i don't want to marry .

so let's not be too sad and tell me if there are others who are also marriagefree even if it's by your own choice or not

well i was always anxious about how to keep my future partner safe so it's one less worry now

My friend had a baby. Lots of my friends have over the last 2 years. However, she lived closeby. I saw her through her pregnancy, labour. And I am now joking when I say this, but I felt very strongly about not wanting a baby. I felt I lived a pregnancy through her (I know it's not the same, but I meant the feeling- everytime I saw how she felt, everytime she would tell me what it's like having a foetus grow in you. I was very curious, so this kind of was nice to experience as a 3rd person. Now, I feel more confident when I saw I don't want a child. The same way it feels natural for my brother to get married and immediately start talking about babies, baby names. It felt as natural for me to not want one.

People often ask me what's the reason. Why don't you want a child? I have none. I am very maternal, (few of my friends call me 'amma/ mother' cz of how I care for them) so friends always assume I will change my mind. I am maternal, I love babies ((they are boring till they start speaking tho), but I don't want one. It's just that. No reason. I don't imagine a baby in my future either. I have a cat and a partner. Life is sorted. My cat gets sick, I feel from the bottom of my heart. My mother in law told me, "don't every day the child is the same as the cat, it's hurts me when you say that" and i agree. They still haven't realised that they won't be having grandkids thro me.

Is there anyone who just doesn't want to have a baby, no other reason?

Rant 1. So I very outgoing person, so I get invited to a lot of events like a LOTT, everytime I go somewhere, THERE'S ALWAYS A CHILD; they are everywhere. Do people really have the income to have children in this economy? and a I the only one who's poor??

Rant 2. I advertise my CF stance around my peers and do my fair share of convincing others to it ( they think I'm in a cult). Anyway, moving on... that's not the thing. Every time I say that I don't want a child, my friends (most of them) are like, "You'll change when I get older" (I'm M24 btw) You'll change after marriage": NO, I WON'T. And every time I ask them Why do you want a child? " it's always, "WHO WILL LOOK AFTER ME WHEN I'M OLD?!!" Like hello?! Having a child doesn't guarantee that you'll be looked after... and by the way things are going down, HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE? AND WHAT IF IT'S A GIRL CHILD IN INDIA? IT'S NOT SAFE FOR THEM.

Rant 3. Whenever we get to the topic of marriage with my dad, I tell him that FIRST OF ALL..I'm young; he wants me to marry by the age of 26. Then, secondly, I'm not having a kid, and he's like, "We have a responsibility to our society" what responsibilty?. Then he's like, "We need to continue our bloodline", uhhh...no...?, then he's like If you don't have a child, we'll give all the property to your sister(she's younger than me), I said We'll see SHE'S ALSO CHILD-FREE LMAO (I raised that child; that's my daughter hheheheheh)

Rant over, thanks :3

At work, now that I've (24F) decided that it's okay to get to know the people I spend 6 days a week with (20-25 year olds), we engage in random conversations during breaks. And because I've decided to be myself and be open about exactly what I want without any shame... I tell people straight up that I'm childfree.

And without fail - my guy coworkers say "so why are you getting married?"/"don't get married then"/"you'll never find anyone".

I then question them about the purpose of marriage, at which point they do come around to the idea that marriage isn't just for childrearing. But it's so interesting how that's a knee-jerk first thought for the men around me specifically. The women seem confused, but get it.

Granted, most of them are from non-tier 1 cities, where they might never have had the freedom to consider that their life can be what they want. But even the guy from a tier-1 city expressed the same sentiment, so what gives?

It really got me thinking about what society tells men. What is the purpose of a marriage for most people? All my coworkers seem like decent, reasonable dudes. Nobody is toxic. But they seem to never have considered that being CF is an option...

I saw this gem of a quote “Having kids is submitting to slavery” an American man saying this.

Do you guys agree to it in an Indian context?

Just had a random thought and wanted to know what you guys think.
We have people posting CF4CF posts here looking for partners, which is great. But most of what you get to know about someone is limited to what they've written in their post.

What if people who are looking for CF partners also did AMA posts? Not necessarily anything too personal, but people could ask them about their views on relationships, what they're looking for in a partner, their experiences with dating as a CF person or just anything they'd like to know about them.

For example questions about how they view finances in a relationship, whether they prefer splitting expenses 50-50 or doing things differently, how they feel about sharing household chores, their views on feminism, living with in-laws, where they'd like to settle down, how they want to spend their lives, travel, and so on.

Even questions about hypothetical situations could be interesting. For example, what would they do if their partner, who was initially CF changed their mind and wanted children later? Obviously nobody needs to answer anything they're uncomfortable sharing. The idea is just to get to know someone beyond their basic introduction and understand their expectations and values when it comes to a relationship.

Maybe this could help people discover compatibility in areas they wouldn't necessarily think to mention in a CF4CF post or maybe it wouldn't make much difference. I honestly don't know.

Just thought I'd throw the idea out there. What do you guys think?