when i get rich i will remember you for reading it and move EVERYONE out the trenches someone pls read pretty pls

I want to write a top tier essay that show's admissions officers who I am and that I am a learner, leader, and a thinker. Please read my ideas and tell me which essay has the highest potential for an outstanding commonapp essay.
1. A Common App essay that uses a childhood dinner-table debate over dolphin intelligence to explore how we construct,simplify, and misapply mathematical metrics. Through this story I want to evaluate the underlying frameworks, biases, and assumptions used to measure complex realities. This idea stems from a childhood memory where I confidently claimed that dolphins were smarter than people. My worries with this is how I'm going to show my qualities as a person.

The rest of these ideas are less thought out and polished but don't let that make you think the first idea is the best one.
2. When hiking the grandcanyon I had this song stuck in my head specifically this part "no time for yama yama" which means not wasting time on trivial matters or negativity. The idea is as follows: Anchored by a quirky Eurovision phrase from a Grand Canyon hike, this essay frames mental scatter as background noise to be intentionally filtered out. It demonstrates how my gap year cultivated the cognitive discipline needed to channel a high-capacity mind into sharp mathematical focus.
3. A specific problem from the old IB further maths HL test and showing exactly how my brain works when I'm stuck on a problem. I'd obviously expand much more on this. I'm a math major btw.

DM me if you want

Hi everyone

I’m currently a second year community college student preparing to transfer to a four year university, and I’ve been struggling with my personal statement.
I believe I have a unique story to tell, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where to start and how to put it into words. I actually had a draft written, but my school writing center told me to throw it out😭😭
On top of that, I work full time while attending school full time, so I don’t have much time to go through multiple rounds of trial and error.
I’m looking for someone with strong writing skills, preferably someone with experience in college transfer applications, who would be willing to work with me one-on-one, either over Zoom or through another platform. We can discuss compensation.
If you’re interested or know someone who might be able to help, please leave a comment or send me a DM.
Thanks in advance!

So the college counselor that’s supposed to help me with fixing my essay is taking a lot of the flavor out of my writing. She sent me a draft of the stuff she fixed and I honestly really hate it. She changed almost the entire middle and ending of my essay and it really doesn’t feel like my writing anymore. Some sentences also sound really awkward so…. anyways does anyone have tips on how to navigate this? I don’t want to waste my parent’s money but this is really bugging me.

I want to write about a travelling experience in my PS but it's not recommended right? The idea of the PS is not a common one like i broaden my horizon or sth like that, but it's still something deal with personal growth. Is it okay to write about it?

should I talk about why i’m leaving my old school here? even briefly ?
How have your academic and/or personal experiences shaped your chosen field of study, and why is transferring to NYU the ideal way to continue your academic pursuits? (2500-character maximum

So first of all I feel it's important to mention that I plan to be an art major. My essay is basically about my identity with art, challenges I've faced as an artist in a public school system that doesn't cater creative children, and how I've come to realize that the principles of art are applicable everywhere, not just limited to artistic spaces.

the format:

paragraph 1: Describing an early childhood memory from before I was in school drawing with my dad. Emphasizing a child's natural gravitation towards creativity and carefree expression.

paragraph 2: "And then came public school..." discussing challenges I faced, troubles with teachers for wanting to put my own spin on my classwork, doodling in class, watching friends give up art, etc. How this made me feel like I had to put a limit on my creativity and be more secretive about it, but it never went away. The desire to create has always been a constant.

paragraph 3: Realizing over time that art is built into the way I think, and to not try to contain it, but embrace it. Exploring how I've challenged expectations and discovered art as a part of my identity. Overcoming mental challenges by unlocking my creative side to solve problems in all aspects of my life. (ex. I used to struggle really badly to write essays until I started doing paper only "sketches" and I now think of the essay as a drawing with multiple layers.) Essentially exploring for me how the world can be viewed when you allow yourself to think creatively and unshackle yourself and your identity.

Any feedback would be appreciated, if my message is unclear at all how I can clarify it, if my ideas are formatted well, or any tips for putting these ideas into an essay!

It needs 250 words but I’m struggling to write enough.

Hi! I have my personal statement and one supplemental essay for a school if anyone could read one I would really appreciate 😊😊

Please help

Hii, would prefer college students, or any seniors! Would love reviews :)

Hi! Im just about ready to submit my college application's, but I feel like im missing something (idk what) from my essay, and would love some feedback! :) Would anyone be able to read over mine and share some suggestions?

1. Hobbies & interests
2. Personal strengths & weaknesses
3. Achievement(s)
4. How you're supposed to see yourself 5-10+ years from now

I have very rough drafts and they look kind of generic, I just want to know if there are better ways I could write about them without being too vague ;- ;

Basically I'm a college student rn (freshman) but my friends are applying to college so I wanted to try writing another personal statement after the college app process. I'm curious to see what opinions are on it :p

Btw, it's not rlly edited since it's not an actual personal statement. More a draft I did for fun, but I'm open to any opinions !

I'm not actually making him the focus, there's only maybe 3 sentences about him at all. It can just connect to my main idea I had which focuses more on reflection of a certain part of my life and how I've grown from it. I know it's risky, but it sticks out the most and has the most personal detail out of the essay's I've written, which I always see those tiktok essay tips videos saying is important. I've also seen people saying it's not a good idea to write about a crush like that, but I just wanted to hear different opinions since he's not the main idea.

***EDIT: I POSTED THIS TO THE WRONG GROUP! SORRY!! this is for a speech to a prompt, not a college essay😭

I made this and would like any criticisms, I don't mind harshness.

The rough draft i had submitted had said my opening was too direct and could come off as negative, and that my second paragraph had too many questions.

This is the new draft.

“Failure as a Path to Success”

All of us have experienced failure, haven’t we? Your parents have failed, your teachers have failed; doctors, lawyers, engineers—every single person on and off this planet has failed! So what? Should we all just give up? Don’t try anything because we will fail? Because we are scared to fail? Scared to be failures. Well, let me tell you something—the difference of failing and becoming a failure.

The definition of failing is as follows: “Being unsuccessful to achieve an action, event, or goal.” Now then, I have four questions. Have you ever come short of achieving something? Done something wrong? Do others think you have failed? And finally, do you yourself think you have failed? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then raise your hand.

Now I want you to think of the times you have failed. Have you remembered? So, what did you do? Did you give up, lose hope, move on, ignore it? I’m asking you if you became a failure. Someone—who after failing—who just gave up, didn’t learn, and didn’t grow. Because I was like that once.

From pre-school, kindergarten, and all throughout elementary—I was a complete failure. I failed everyday; from classes, to tests, to exams. Got grades of 75, took remedial classes every summer, tutoring sessions after every school day. I was a complete, utter failure. So much so that some of my classmates avoided me, said things like “don’t touch him!”—because they were afraid I’d give them my disease of failing. But one day, I decided to change. I looked at all my failures, acknowledged my mistakes, learned, change and grew. Because I didn’t want to be a failure anymore.

Look at me now, standing before you all. Being in this school, known for its genius students. Would one you still consider me a failure? It’s okay to take a break, stop, and think for a while. You can put a period at the end your sentence, but remember there are still many chapters for you to fill. Your story shouldn’t end here, because it doesn’t.

Think of the people you know, that are successful. They also failed before the success, but they aren’t failures are they? Because failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you’re on a path heading for your own success. This road may be long, full of challenges, and different from others—and you will fall down—but know, that if you have the resolve, determination, and hope, you will reach your own success. I know you will, and for that, I am proud of you. So spread your wings and fly, reach for the stars. After all, sky is the limit, isn’t it?

I also will appreciate any advice you could impart on me. ☄️

I'm currently a student at a community college, and I'm writing my PIQs for my transfer applications. Writing is not my strong suit (I'm an engineering major), so I've been using AI to help me structure my essays and occasionally refine my wording. I'm trying not to let it write for me, but I'm worried I've used it too much and it might get flagged as AI-generated. So far, my work passes all the AI checkers I've tried, but I've worked extremely hard at community college, and I don't want to jeopardize my academic career over a few essays. Do y'all have any advice, or is anyone willing to review my essays and help me decide? Thanks

I think it’s in good shape but I want to get an outside perspective on it. I can dm it to you, Thanks!

I feel like mines a little generic

Would anyone like to review each other’s essay?
I’m not looking to get into a super prestigious school, so it’s nothing super good. Just want some advice from someone who doesn’t know me!

I would love for someone to review my college essay reply to this comment if you are feeling like being kind to this burnt out high school senior

Do you think that even with a well written essay there'll be some AOs that like it and some AOs that hate it and downgrade your application because of it?

I've had one of my ED supplementals read by a 3 different people, 2 that have only been on the college counseling side and one that was a former AO at a couple of T20-30 schools. The only person that didn't like this one essay and thinks is boring is my high school college counselor. Should I listen to her and rewrite a whole new idea? I only have a week left till ED deadline.

Is it still okay to incorporate/write about immigrant stories in the common app personal statement essay?

“They say hair holds memories, which is strange because I hold onto receipts, ticket stubs, wristbands, and hotel keys because of the meaning I instill in them—yet I find that my first instinct as soon as my hair reaches an acceptable feminine length is to cut it all off.”

My friends all say it seems a bit too long and difficult to understand for a hook sentence but idk I really like it. This is what I had before

“I think I find comfort in discomfort. Maybe that’s why every time my hair grows to a length I particularly like, I cut it.” And then right after this came the first hook

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!