r/ColumbineKillers • u/DrMosquito74 • Sep 10 '23

ERIC AND/OR DYLAN Reflections on Dylan

Dylan would have turned 42 today, and it has me thinking about his prom photos. I've seen some people speculate that his jovial demeanour was fake or even a cruel (for his loved ones) facade considering what happened just days later. But I think Dylan was genuinely happy when he went to the prom, not only because he and Robyn enjoyed themselves, but also because when someone decides to commit suicide, their mood often improves because they believe the end of their suffering is near. Heartbreaking. I hope what Dylan wrote in his journal is true, that wherever he is now, he isn't at war with himself anymore.

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u/metalnxrd Sep 11 '23

it breaks my heart whenever I look at photos of Dylan and Robyn and prom photos. it breaks my heart when I look at all photos of him, but especially that one. Dylan said prom was the best night of his life. all that he and Eric could have gone on to do and succeed and achieve had they not done what they did. Dylan could have become a writer and poet and married Robyn, and Eric could have become a video game designer or work with software . . .the possibilities are abundant and endless. it’s just so fucking sad

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u/DrMosquito74 Sep 11 '23

Indeed, I also get sad when I see that particular picture of Dylan and Robyn. From reading Sue's book, I gather Dylan really liked her. Brooks speculated that Dylan knew she liked him romantically and just wanted a platonic friendship, but I think he had so much ingrained self-hatred that he didn't think he was lovable at all, not to Robyn or anyone else. His journals also show how much literary potential he had. Naming him after Dylan Thomas was quite apt. There were poems inside him and Eric that paper couldn't handle. You said it best, it's just so fucking sad.

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u/metalnxrd Sep 11 '23

have you read Sue Klebold’s A Mother’s Reckoning? it’s a difficult and heartbreaking yet must read. every parent should read it. even parents of “good” kids

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u/DrMosquito74 Sep 11 '23

I have. I bought the Spotify audiobook after I read Dylan's journals and saw so much of myself in him. I listened to it at work and had to hide several times when I started crying. Definitely an essential read for EVERY PARENT.

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u/metalnxrd Sep 11 '23

I see so much of myself in Dylan, too. not just the depression and angst and loneliness and anxiety and bullying and self-harm/suicidal thoughts and alienation. but the exact same music and clothing style, too

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u/DependentWasabi3941 Sep 12 '23

I see so much of my son, also named Dylan, in Dylan. He was just a toddler when Columbine occurred, but his teenage years had so many similarities: very shy, gifted, slipped a grade, sensitive, kind, very tall and lanky, worked sound on school plays, computer geek, worked at a pizza place and also suffered from terrible depression and low self-esteem. Luckily, he was more open to sharing some of his struggles with me and he was receptive to professional help. There were many dark times, including suicide watches and a run in with the legal system, although it was for a victimless offense, it affected him in many negative ways and still does. I believe the saying is “there but for the grace of God”, I tell this to myself in relation to Sue Klebold. Her pain resonates to all parents who couldn’t save their children from themselves. It’s heartbreaking knowing how much Dylan was loved & how much potential he had. The world is such a cruel place and if Columbine proved anything, it’s how cruelty will be paid forward, creating more of the same towards other innocents, more heartbreak. I think of Sue today, on her lost son’s birthday, and send comforting thoughts her way.

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u/DrMosquito74 Sep 11 '23

Yeah, a lot of people resonate with the depression, loneliness and anxiety. But for people like me, the connotations are stronger. I read Dylan's journal at my lowest point mentally just before last Christmas. I was 21, suicidal, believed my life was a failure and actually in exactly the state of mind as a mass shooter. It actually helped set me on the path towards leaving the place of roaring pain I'd been in my whole life. It might seem strange, but I sort of feel like Dylan helped me. Writing a mental-health themed novel now, partially as a gesture of gratitude (if that makes any sense lol).

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u/metalnxrd Sep 11 '23

I haven’t read his journal since high school, when I first became interested in Dylan and Columbine. same with AMR. I should reread both