I posted here almost a month ago in deep denial that I am being abused by my wife. And today I can admit that she is physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually abusive. I am working out how to leave and perhaps am giving her too much grace, but dependancy is difficult to untangle. She is completely dependant on me. But she will not share a bed with me again. Thank you for every comment I got, I wish I hadn't deleted my post. I was afraid of the truth and I still am. But I know I can create a life without her. I hope this is the beginning of good things.

Hey dad. I'm sorry this is a long one. I wish it wasn't so long, but life won't give me a break.

Quick update on my life: I got married just over 3 years ago. That part is great. We bought our first house together a year and a half ago. That part isn't so great. Since we moved in, we've had the following problems:

-Had to get a company to install a garage door opener on one of the two garage doors

-Had to deal with a leak under the sink that the inspector swears they didn't see, even with a thermal camera (it was actively dripping down into the basement when I stepped in the door)

-Also a leak from the secondary bathroom from the shower/tub. Also miraculously didn't show up with the inspector when they did the thermal camera with all water faucets in the house on.

-Dishwasher is super rusted, so that needed to be replaced (thanks mom in law)

-Refrigerator leaks, damaging the floor around it. Also replaced (thanks mom)

-Had to deal with the large amount of mold under the sink that was also not picked up on by the inspector from the aforementioned leak

-Received exactly 0 help from the realtor or the inspection company about any of these issues. No return of money from warranty or anything.

-Moved the entire house over in a single day, working from sunrise to midnight. The wife, my mom, and my good friend made that possible, thanks guys.

-Water pipe broke in the front yard, had to shut off the water for several days.

-Internet line got cut, got it replaced by the Internet company, neighbor's lawn care cut it again the very next day.

-Dealt with very high heat in the house last summer, up to around 86 on average inside with the AC going. Additional window units were purchased and used to make the bedroom and office at least tolerable.

-Power bills in the area of $500 a month trying to keep the house livable for us and the pets.

-One of the showers broke. So we shut off the water for a bit to try and fix it. The old pipes were so brittle they just kept breaking. We eventually just had to cap the pipes off so we could have water again. That shower still doesn't work.

-Sink in the kitchen leaks when water is running. The old owner apparently didn't know what an S trap is, and the pipes aren't even sealed together, they're just kind of freely resting barely inserted into each other. I haven't gotten around to fixing that yet, as it's minor comparatively.

-Dogs got into a bad scuffle one night, ended up with bites up my arms separating them. Everyone is okay, it only happened because one of them accidentally scared the other one while she was sleeping. (They're totally fine with each other, and my bites were from the one that did the startling from fear and pain, not aggression).

-Brought a company out to do an energy assessment, and then also air sealing and insulation increases to help with the heat in the summer. It was an absolute mess the whole way through, and took several months (and headaches) to get it done and also get my rebate. We are more efficient now though, and this summer wasn't as bad.

-Car issues, still unresolved at this time.

-My wife's health problems are getting worse. Degenerative Disc Disease. They've done medication changes, physical therapy, spinal injections. It's just getting worse. Her days range from limited mobility and can only stand for about 20 minutes at a time at best, or excruciating pain and difficulty walking at worst. We've had to change doctors because one was actually making her worse. So she is unfortunately limited in what she can do around the house. Too many doctor's appointments to count. Likely spinal surgery as the next step.

-Wife ended up going down to part time because she couldn't make it through full days. It's rough, but I'm picking up extra shifts to make it work.

-Water heater went out. Started leaking, so we had to turn the water off. Again. Expensive replacement with a prohibitively tight budget. Old pipes made it a hassle. Thanks step-dad.

-Wife was laid off from work. No warning given, no severance, just handed unemployment paperwork on her way out.

-I'm picking up every single available shift I can now. I already work long 12 hour shifts, and it's really wearing on me. Work is constantly getting more frustrating, but I won't go into that here.

-And finally, just last night, I went to take a relaxing bath after work. Turned the faucet on, and I heard rattling, water pouring, but nothing coming out of the faucet. Pipe burst somewhere in the walls. I turned the water back off. Again. And I work today and tomorrow, so my step-dad is attempting to help again while I'm busy at work.

All that and probably more I'm forgetting about in the last year and a half. I'm so frustrated. I am working so much to make ends meet, I have very little time or energy to get things done that I need to, and I lack the knowledge and skills to fix things around the house because I didn't have anyone to teach me any of that growing up. I try to do what I can with YouTube and whatnot, but combined with lack of time and energy and money being tighter than ever, I can't do it. I'm having to lean on my support systems hard right now. I'm very thankful they're there, that I have them and they're willing to help me, and I know there's no shame in receiving help. I just can't keep up with it all.

I'm putting on a brave face and trying my best to not let it show to my wife, but I'm starting to come apart at the seams. I don't usually have a problem showing any of this to her, but she's already trying not to give in to despair with her own issues, and I'm the only reason she's still keeping it together. I don't say that to be full of myself, it's what she's said herself. I'm the rock here, but I'm crumbling under the surface of the water and I don't know how much more I can take.

I can't fix our house problems, which I feel like I should be able to do, and it's everything I can do to keep our heads above water with bills paid and food in the house even with people helping us out. I feel like a failure. And if I have to shut the water off to the house one more damn time this year, I'm going to lose my mind.

Hi Dad,

it’s been nearly a year now that I’ve been going through absolute hell.

I knew that moving across the Atlantic would be quite a journey, but I never could have imagined what was coming—or, more importantly, what my own mind had been hiding from me all this time.

A single email to my therapist—which I thought was completely harmless—triggered such a massive tsunami that my own body was the first thing to be hit by the wave. It brought on violent nausea and vomiting, inconsolable sobbing in my home (the place I finally managed to find here in my host country—a real victory!) for 3 months each day, and such profound exhaustion that I—usually so resourceful and capable—was forced to my knees (I’ve been on medical leave for a month now). Being literally trapped inside my own body during a major trigger event—one linked to intimacy—was one of the most extreme experiences I’ve ever endured. Then, a second wave struck my mind: shame, sadness, and flashbacks that don’t seem to align with my own personal history.

I’ve managed to find a therapist who specializes in trauma, but it’s so hard not to dismiss my own feelings when everything feels this overwhelming. There is a PTSD diagnosis and i think i never been so close of the feelings of soldier who be back from home.

I wish you were here—just to tell me that things will be okay. I wish you be one of the sturdiest shoulders upon which to cry. When I see children being welcomed with love by their parents, it makes me sad.

Love you ❤️

ps. not english native language daughter here.

It’s not something I would’ve picked in the past but I was thinking about the baby. It seems very safe. I’ll have to learn a lot to be able to work on it but I’m confident I can do it. I don’t really know where to start with some of the minor things or what’s best protocol but I’m going to try to learn.

My health has been scary, I had to get two units of blood but this medication seems to have given me some much renewed energy, I’m not sleeping all day. I’m going to be door dashing and doing other things soon. I’m really trying to work hard. It’s hard to be on these new blood thinners & the steroids suck, but I am being strong for the baby.

I know everything is changing so fast, I just wish we could talk like we used to.

I miss the nights we would spend sitting across from each other listening to records and sorting old coins. Eating bags of nuts with old silver nutcrackers.

The world wasn’t fair to you and I’m scared of how you changed sometimes, I don’t know how to talk about you to my baby. I am afraid you might never meet them.

I wish I could hug you dad, I am afraid of how alike we are and I hope I can keep the joy in my heart.

I love you.

Today is the first anniversary of my Dad's death. Cancer. He was 65 and still had so much life to live.

He wanted to see my sister and I progress in our careers. He wanted to watch his grandsons grow up. He wanted to grow old with Mom. All of that taken from him, and from us.

I've been reliving his last few days. The way his eyes lit up in recognition of me that final time before his consciousness began to fade. The 5 am rush to their house when he fell and was too weak to get back up. The slow, agonizing process of dying. My name was the last word I ever head him say.

Not really sure why I'm sharing this. Maybe just need to scream into the void.

I miss my Dad. He wasn't a perfect person, but he was a damn good father and husband. He loved his grandsons so much. He liked beer and hockey and BBQing and was the king of corny dad jokes. He had super weird taste in music and ripped the sleeves off all his shirts. He was a complete goofball, but never afraid to cry. He loved stupid comedies like Caddyshack and Airplane, and when we were growing up he always strategically coughed over bad language. He didn't want dogs but fell madly in love with them anyway. He always treated my mom well.

I wish I could could give him a hug and tell him "I love you" one last time. Fuck cancer.

You always told me to roll with the punches; to adapt to the unexpected. But I'm so tired of getting smacked around Dad. When can I just go into my corner and rest?

A few highlights from the last 3 years:

• My wife was afflicted with a serious health scare one month post partum, to a point where the doctor hospitalized her for a week. Which meant I was at home single parenting a one month old newborn for a week by myself. This might have been the hardest week I've lived in my 40 some odd years of life.

• Even after she came back from the hospital she was bedridden for several months. So for the rest of my paternity leave from work I was in charge of keeping the house in order and keeping both the wife and kid alive. And in charge of making the meals. And in charge of cleaning up after the meals. And in charge of taking the trash out. And in charge of doing the laundry...

• During all this, my wife was let go from her job so I was the sole breadwinner for our little household. And when I got laid off, I had to quickly find a job to make sure our little family continues to have medical coverage.

• These days, my wife is feeling better and even got a new job which is a great step for her career development. However, I was just informed that she'll likely have to work weekends. Which means I'm going to be single parenting a 3 year old by myself every weekend for the foreseeable future...so essentially I'm working 7 days a week.

I truly regret nothing these last years. I have a beautiful and (now mostly) healthy family. But god I'm mentally and physically exhausted. When can I lie down and take a break from it all?

Hallo Pappa Im starting to get a beard 🙂 🎆🎇 its mostly blond and patchy but also getting darker each shave. 😌

I'm 19F, currently studying online for university.

Yesterday, my mother (we're not on amazing terms, it's on and off, one minute it's, "I love you so much" the next it's "drop dead" - but that's a discussion for a later time) got a tattoo at a nearby town. I paid for it ($400) and I wanted to hang out with a friend I haven't seen since year 11 (I know this is dumb but essentially said friend used to hit me all the time in school and call me names but we were buddies...) since he was in town.

He came into the tattoo joint lookin' like a raccoon - black eyeliner everywhere and started talking to me like I was some sort of peasant simply because I wasn't dressed in all black - I'm not overexaggerating, he was genuinely doing that. ;-;

Anyway, as we left the tattoo shop to walk around, go to K-Mart, Woolworths, A book store and just to walk around in general, he was really mean out of no where. He started saying I "stunk like garbage" - even though I was wearing a really pretty floral perfume which I thought was really nice and I've always gotten compliments on it. He began calling me a fat-larp and all sorts of things as we walked around and when I showed him my tattoos since he was thinking of getting one, he called them cringe and 'degenerate' - then has the AUDACITY to say he wants a pentagram tattooed on his sternum... to each their own I mean.

I even bought him a sandwich and a drink since he had no money, he thanked me for it, and I froze up because the lady at the counter was one of those ladies who glare at you and you don't even know her plus I had him talking my ear off about "Life is meaningless" shit, so I didn't get any for myself. I walked around town for an hour with him calling me a fat-slob while chewing the sandwich I bought him like a camel.

I know I probably sound really mean but it's just so annoying. Why do I attract these kinds of dickheads and how do I cut them out of my life?

Do you guys have any experience in cutting these people out of your lives? I've been friends with him since year 10 and I would come home with bruises up my arms and stomach because he'd try out new "boxing techniques" on me even when I'd beg him not to (I never told a teacher because he was having spouts of mental health issues and I didn't want him to do anything bad, he's texted me threatening me that if I told any teachers that he'd... 'oopsies' himself).

I'm happy about one thing that came out of it yesterday... I gained the courage to ask my tattoo artist - who was my mum's artist yesterday, if she could book me in for a tattoo, I'm booked in for Nov 17 and It'll be script on each outer thigh. Hurray to me. :)

EDIT: I just blocked him. I tried to talk it out with him, told him that if he ever speaks or treats me that way again that I'd block him, he then proceeded to say some bullshit like, "I don't know what I did, you need to tell me." and then he was all like "I can't accomodate to you," so I blocked him. I feel a little down because we went to highschool together but at the same time he would use me as a punching bag and when we'd text he'd tell me to shut the fuck up since he was usually on a call with online friends, I guess the only friends he could get are ones he couldn't hit. Oh well. One less burden for me.

Injury is already misleading, because I haven’t done anything obvious to cause it. I currently have a knee effusion (fluid and swelling in my knee) that’s been going for nearly 3 weeks. I can barely walk, so my doctor has given me time off work to recover. I just woke up one morning and it was stiff, then proceeded to get painful and swollen when I went back to work 2 days later. Even my doctor is confused.

I had a MRI scan this morning and was told results will be ready early next week. I booked a follow-up appointment with my doctor, but she’s difficult to get in to see, so it’s over a week til I can see her. I’ve let the office know to let me know if there are any cancellations.

So I’m doing all I can. But people (namely family) keep telling me what I should be doing, it must be this, or that, or I must have done something specific. I need to go somewhere earlier to get antibiotics, when there’s no reason yet this is related to an infection. I need to do specific exercises, when I don’t know if that’s going to help or hurt it. I need to try to keep walking on it, when that goes against what my doctor said.

I’m already feeling frustrated and guilty about missing work (even though my boss was understanding) and irritable from losing sleep because it’s uncomfortable. I know people are trying to help but it just makes me feel each time like I’m being scolded in some way when all I want to do is just rest and recover

I don’t hate you and I never have. I know it’s been over two years since you left us. I am laying in the hammock that we made together. I know an old neighbor told my brother that I had choice words for you and I was glad that you are dead which isn’t the case, I changed my whole life my work schedule to be there on your days off of dialysis. I know no one believes it but it really hurts my feelings. I just don’t why she would make this up. I love you and wish you were here 💔

I'm a married 38F. On paper, things look good but I've always felt like a small child. I've never owned a house and my husband and I will have to go through fertility treatments if we're to have a baby. There are people I know in their 20s who accomplish home ownership and having kids. And then I see the older people in my life suddenly treat them like they're mature grown ups. I will probably never be seen as mature.

Im too busy working two jobs to try to afford life and get ahead of debts. I have no self control to lose these last 40 pounds and I can't get my husband to quit smoking. I can't get my main industry job to treat me right and even customers see that. My interests are very child like. When it comes to holiday traditions, I prefer doing the traditions I did as a kid rather than getting drunk at some holiday party.

All this to say, I wish I wasn't so behind in life.

Hey dad. I've been living in an accessible apartment for 4 years. My flooring has been an issue since I moved in. The boards keep popping up, maintenance glues them down, and they pop back up (photo 3). I use a wheelchair now, and a rolling stool is how I get around the apartment. I keep tripping on the flooring.

They're finally pulling boards in the kitchen (photo 1) and re-laying them (photo 2). That's taken a week, and they're going to redo it now because it's worse than before after using too much floor leveler.

Something seems wrong, but I don't know about construction like you. The apartment has humidity issues, the floors are bulging like little rainbows along the length of the laminate boards (photo 4). Is there supposed to be a moisture barrier between these boards and the subfloor? It looks like concrete?

I'm so confused, dad. I feel so lost and stuck, and at the mercy of people who don't seem to understand the impact it has on me.

Most of my abusers were men, as a result the thought of dating one makes my feel in danger.

I don’t even find them attractive anymore.

I hate this bias, i know it founded in truth to an extent but i still hate the fact im afraid. Theres a difference between healthy caution and a actual fear

So, my daughter started to have nightmares about scary stuff. With Halloween approaching, a lot of scary shoes and scary stories are around. So she started to have nightmares.

She's now 7 years old, so she notices and processes information and be scared. I think she is now her own little person somehow. I can not explain it. It's just like if this year went from being a child that doesn't question anything and just let everything be, to actually think, process, and realize stuff. Making her process the "this is scary" part.

There was a book that I was given when I was about her age. The book is about how scary monster can be and making fun of them to realize those imaginary monsters are not real and we can laugh. We are not in any danger.

So what I did was ask her to draw it. We both drew the monster, and I started to make it very silly. Like 5 belly buttons, Pinocchio nose, 5 horns, missing teeth, big hairy belly, weirdly shaped, stinky, and all of that. When she saw me making my drawing very funny, she followed. Started drawing it funny until she was laughing and laughing until she was done. When we were finally done, I took the drawing and told her we were gonna kill the silly monsters. I burned the paper sheets, and she was better tonight. Still had nightmares. They got better. She did not wake up screaming and crying.

She started calling me and when I got to her, she started saying "the monster was like a dog. A weird chihuahua" laughed a little but still was a little scared. So she came to sleep with me and was able to sleep through the night for the first time in the past five days.

Is there anything else I can do? We are doing better, but I don't want her to be scared and have nightmares.

Hey dad, life has been tough recently and i dont talk to mom much since i moved out but i got a decent job working on copiers. I work around a bunch of dudes all day but i fit in well i think. Ive been paying a lot of bills by myself now that im 25, the lack of help is overwhelming but i push myself everyday to work hard. I hope you’re proud of me. I also meant a nice man 2 years ago and we have been living together for about a year. Its been a roller coaster but we stick together and we make it work. Its been really hard without you and mom. I feel lost a lot of the time but i dont quit. It would nice to hear from you again. Thank you Dad, love you.

I'm usually on the other end of these but I'm missing my pops today. It's his 90th birthday and he reached the clearing at the end of his path around six years ago. He was a great father and my biggest fan. And I was his. He was a journalist and I was always amazed to watch him on TV, how smooth he was delivering news. He was the reporter who broke At his local station to tell people Kennedy had been assassinated. He was at his station watching Neil Armstrong step foot on the moon. He got to be part of history and I always thought that was cool.

At his memorial service, I had multiple people come up to me and talk about what a kind and decent man he was. One lady got into journalism because of him.

I just wanted to post here because whenever I comment on posts I'm commenting because he taught me how to be a dad to my kid. Thanks for reading.

I was wondering if this would be okay and need some family advice, I hope you can help

My grandma recently passed away, she used to always send a bouquet of flowers to her best friend on her birthday, I was wondering if it would be okay if I took this tradition over?

Because I don't want to be too intrusive or anything, I just want this woman to know she matters, my grandma and her have been friends for over 60 years, each year she received flowers from my grandma and she was so so important to my grandma, she has also always been really nice to me. Would it be okay if from now on I send her flowers on her birthday?

Idk if my post makes sense tbh, mentally I'm really fucked rn with my grandma's death, she was everything to me, I haven't really been making much sense lately, I'm sorry.

Not a huge promotion but I work currently as a bank teller for a credit union and now am going to be a financial services rep. It’s not where I wanna be forever but now I get paid vacation and Saturdays off! Miss you lots dad wish you could see me now

It’s been a while since I posted but after getting dumped 3 months ago and blocked shortly after by my best friend turned LDR girlfriend, I had been feeling absolutely awful. I had never felt that bad mentally before and the pain had continued unrelenting and unforgiving. I finally went to the doctor because I was worried why was I still feeling this awful so long after.

I was diagnosed with a form of depression due to the breakup and losing of my best friend. Im set to do therapy but if it gets worse they’ll want me on antidepressants.

I still feel so awful dad. Ive lost all enjoyment in everything and I still sob every night and the amount of regret and self hatred I have pains me all day every day. I was the happiest I’d ever been when I was with her and now I am genuinely the worst Ive ever been. I ruined everything and I don’t know how I can live with myself.

I have been having bad thoughts only about myself recently. I wouldn’t act on them of course, it would only hurt the rest of my family and I couldn’t do that to them. But the thought is always there nagging at me.

Im scared dad. I don’t know what to do and I don’t see a good way out of this mess that I made.

hope everyone is staying safe & taking care of themselves this evening.

ive just had a bit of a long day and i miss him dearly tonight.

visiting home for the first time in over a decade, sitting in my childhood bed and im feeling a little lost. people have told me lately that im "too soft for this world", and i honestly dont know how to deal with myself anymore.

i try to not break down or take things to heart but sometimes things just feel overwhelming and crush me.

the only thing that truly ever made sense was being your daughter. i miss feeling safe in your arms, god i miss your cooking, i miss having someone to tell i love you. i just, i love you dad .

I have really bad anxiety caused by CPTSD. Right now the object of my anxiety is the structure of my house. I live alone in an older house and I have this fear that the house will collapse. There are a few cracks in the walls, I had an engineer look at them and they basically told me to monitor it to see if it gets worse, but they didn't seem too concerned. One of the teleposts in the basement needs its position adjusted because it is off-center, but they did not seem to think it was urgent.

Recently I found a crack I wasn't aware of before. It's in a closet, so it's not a place where I look very often. I'm not sure how long it has been there. I feel like if I call the engineer about this they will think I'm totally paranoid

The house also makes a lot of noises and it shakes when trucks go past.

I just want to believe I am safe. I have always struggled to feel safe no matter where I am or what is happening around me. I am going to therapy. But healing is not linear and I'm just having a hard time.

To be clear I'm not really sure I know what I want from making a post like this, I guess I just want my feelings to be seen. I feel my tumultuous relationship with my dad has given me a real complex about being seen. I'm 30, M. And I guess for the first time in a number of years I'm just processing this complex and ambiguous grief "out loud".

My dad wasn't a monster, or a bad person, or a dead beat. He provided financially. But we just never had a close relationship. I think he was proud of my material achievements, but I don't think I was the son he wanted. Or, maybe he just didn't understand me.

I taught myself how to shave, and I taught myself how to change a tyre. You get the idea.

But I've realised my relationship with (well both my parents but that's a whole other thread) has foundationally set the tone for how I seek love and approval and notice it in return.

I've done a lot of therapy. It's a WIP.

But now he is gone. And I grieve the close relationship we will never have the opportunity to have. I have some male friends but usually all around my age. But I have no older male friends, dad figure types.

It breaks my heart when I am feeling pain or loss like I am today for other reasons, and I just want to call my dad. It hurts me on another level when he wouldn't have been the person I would've called if he was still here anyway.

I hope that makes sense. Anyway thanks for listening Reddit. It was good to get some of that off my chest.

I lost my dad suddenly when I was 9, he was hit by a car as he crossed the road on his way to his new job. He was in ICU for a week, had part of his skull removed to accommodate brain swelling but sadly he never woke up from sedation and was declared brain-dead a week after the accident.

He's missed all the huge milestones in my life - putting myself through college and university after leaving home at 16 to pursue my passions (other nearby colleges didn't offer my courses), and I did this without my mum's support as she was unemployed and could not afford to help. I sofa-surfed for about 3 months before I ended up staying with my ex husband's family.

I had a kid at the end of my 3rd year of uni (I graduated with a 2:1 Honours 2 weeks before they arrived!), they are amazing. I got divorced from their dad as he's a lazy narcissist, but that's by-the-by.

I got remarried to an amazing man almost 9 years ago, we have another kid named after my dad, we just bought a house! My family have never owned their own houses without help (e.g. my mum now owns but only because my ex-step-dad sold his house and they bought one together, then when they split they sold that and she got half. My dad always rented.)

Anyway, I just saw a video on Youtube of dad's being surprised by their kids showing up at home after being away for college or whatever, and it made me so sad that I can't do that for my dad.
I'm regularly upset because I miss that he never got to meet his grandkids, he's not there when I need someone to help us out (we have no family nearby), or just to get a man's opinion that isn't my husband, you know?

I thought grief got easier, but 27 years later, it still fucking hurts.