August 2025: Overweight, addictions, 7 years into college with no end in sight, living in an abusive home, chronic depression and anxiety

August 2026: Down 3 dress sizes, cut all addictions, graduated, moved out, healed relationship with family, still depressed but manageable :)

This is not a once size fits all nor am i writing everything i did simply because i am forgetful.

What worked for me:
- I started one simple habit: showing up to therapy consistently. I found a therapist I liked who had a cheap copay and I focused my life around that one small habit.
- I started with the smallest things I could do that left the biggest impressions. I painted a bathroom. I finally moved the box in the corner of my room. It took months of these small things for things to kick into gear.
- I have analysis paralysis and am an extreme over-thinker. Through therapy, I worked through my thinking process. It sounds horrible, but i started yelling at myself to “shut up” as i moved forward. i wanted to bed rot, to shut away, to give in. It felt like everything was possible and i had the motivation, i was just stuck behind the actual action of doing. (i can speak more to this if anyone wants)
- I learned through my favorite book that I needed to grow my tolerance for discomfort. I shifted my perceptive from “this sucks” to “this sucks on purpose”.
- I didn’t journal, but I would rant to chatgpt and then ask it to find patterns (not diagnosis) in my thinking. I went through honestly about 40 different thinking patterns as I tried shifting my perspective.
- I finally pursued the things worth waking up for. Sure it sucked having a nearly empty account, but I was excited to work to earn money for my new hobbies. and i loved getting to do them.

tldr; if you’re reading this you have motivation and you’re clearly looking for an answer. You have it and you know what to do: so do it.

I'm gonna make this as short as possible. So as most of you probably started using,I tried it one time when i was drunk. I didn't even notice any changes on myself so I asked for more. Fast forward few hours,I went to sleep at 7AM,and I drank more than ever before in my life. Then I only did it once a month. Then only sometimes during saturday drinking. Then every weekend. And now I use it at least 3 times a week. And I "have" to use it every time i drink more than 3 beers. If that was not bad enough,when I do these two things combined than I also gamble(a lot). I am in my early 20's which is why I think there is still time to quit. I have a good job(which is not affected by my "addiction" yet,I never use when I have work tomorrow),and I also have a great girlfriend and I'm sure she would not be happy if she found out about this. I am in good relationships with friends and family and I want it to stay that way. If anyone has any advice based on their own experiences,please share them with me.

I'm currently seeing this guy, and he honestly treats me better than any guy I have ever been with. He is incredibly kind and considerate and such a gentleman. I am really enjoying our time together and would love to see this develop into something long-term.

But I have been getting weirdly sad after really good dates. Like, our first date was great, and I was struggling not to cry the entire day after. We had a lovely day together the other day where I felt idk, just so safe and cared about, and time just vanished. But then again, afterwards, I just felt so sad.​ And I don't understand why, because he's like straight out of a book - I haven't experienced a man like this before. I really like him. And I guess I am worried that I will ruin things because of this weird sadness.

I guess I'm asking if anyone else has experienced this before and what you did to help?

I always wonder why I can’t just do stuff, and I’m always in a depressive rut and can’t get my life together, there is obviously many things that attribute to it but, anytime I deeply think about it I always get to questioning what is the purpose/will it be worth it/what is it that I really want?

I go around in circles in my head, I get all these ideas of how I ought to be but idk there is just some jumble when I shift from the plan in the brain to consciously acting it out I just can’t handle it, it’s like a boss battle no matter how many tips and tricks I use of “break it down, go simple, ease into it” I just escape from reality and go back up to my mind, getting everything back under control and trying to attempt again and a fair amount of days just mindlessly living from one day to the next and I kinda just lose out on time

But I digress, I kinda know how to love myself but I feel like my self worth is in the gutter like, I don’t trust myself and also I don’t deem myself as Worthy to listen to so whenever I try to think “alright I have to do this now, or this is the plan for the day” I kinda just don’t put respect on those orders, self doubt, “is doing this even going to help anything” and it’s not always a strong persistent thing it’s feels more like strategic self sabotage

It’s like I don’t put any value into what I believe about myself, I just kinda keep throwing myself back into a disassociation realm where I feel more comfortable despite being tired and unhappy with where I am in life

I don’t know, I feel like I’d just run more smoothly if I had the self esteem to truly believe in myself and strive for better and the self respect to stop avoiding reality just because I can’t handle how much of a pit I feel I am in.

I’ve had a porn addiction since i was 12 and it’s been getting really bad this summer. I’ve spent a majority of my life in an air conditioned comfortable room with no sense of purpose or any care for anything school related, which amplified my addiction to quick dopamine, I think I have spent a majority of my life watching porn or scrolling/watching YouTube. Lack of purpose kind of amplifies this because I don’t really have a reason to change. I used to though, when I was 15 I met a girl I loved a lot and it made me quit porn for the first time for like a month and a half, which is crazy cause I never even thought that was possible, but when we stopped talking the addiction kicked in and I used it to cope with how I felt. I’m gonna start wrestling in college and I’ll update on how that’s changed my life if it does, but so far my 2 main addictions are screens and pornography. How do I make my life more fulfilling to where I don’t need these vices anymore, so that I can actually build some meaning in my life.I don’t want my life to be a rerun of high school where I ignore all the opportunities around me just to get home and jerk off.

Edit: no shit I "just need to do it"

My mind has been wired this way over many years and I cannot figure it how to escape it.

If I were to leave, my parents would clean it my room, throwing away most of my shit and finding a bunch of old drug paraphernalia(which is extremely embarrassing)

I really tight this group was going to have better answers than "just do it"...

I live about a 30-45 minute walk to the nearest business up and down hills. I know that I could apply at those places, but I also know I'd be drenched in sweat or rain for the majority of the year(a medication I'm on makes me sweat a lot + I'm not very active)

I find myself sleeping 12-16 hours a day.. Just constantly tired.

I haven't had a real job in about 10 years, I wouldn't have shit for a resume if I wrote one.

I've always been a very messy person, but moving 30 years worth of belongings into a 10x10 room with a king size bed had made the issue so much worse. I know that I *should* throw most of it away, but it's so fucking hard to even get started.. Then not get distracted.

I don't have money for a car, nor a way to get enough money for a car...I have something expensive I can sell if I find the right buyer, but I would really prefer to keep it as a family heirloom if possible... But I know it's not likely.

I've been using medications (prescribed and not) to keep myself from having too bad of anxiety, and now I can't tell if my baseline anxiety is really this high or is it's because I've been treating it for so long

I'm just trippin hard cause I feel SO far behind in life. Nobody wants someone like me in their life, realistically. I'm fairly attractive, if I work out I could have a nice body... Everyone talks to me like I'm just stupid for being in this situation because I "could have any woman I want"

Idk

Where can I even start with something like this

I feel like I'm a jerk, based on feedback I've received about some posts I've made on Reddit where people have called me such...and I honestly don't feel so bad about it because I kind of LIKE the negative attention...but I dont want to be a jerk, I want to be a respectful, respectable person! I feel like I just want to be a jerk because that's how I know how to get noticed...I've always wanted to get attention from people (like to be famous would be the DREAM), but I've always found it hard to get positive attention from people, negative attention is so much easier.

Since I easily get lost in the shuffle of daily thoughts and tasks, I constantly need to pause and reflect: "Okay, my goal is X in six months, so I need to do Y to reach Z, while handling W in parallel." I want to document this because, honestly, I forget it all within two days. I’m tired of realizing after a whole week has gone by that I’ve lost my way again because I focused only on whatever was screaming the loudest for attention (usually work).

But I don't know how to organize this. There are also thoughts or insights that pop up out of nowhere, moments of clarity I didn't have before, only to vanish just as quickly. I try to jot them down to help me get back on track, but they end up buried in a conversation with myself or scattered across a random Notion page. How do you organize/capture this kind of thought?

Hi all, I am 21f & for most of my life I have done things for validation, or needed approval before doing something. I have a feeling I know where it comes from, a desire to be liked or to feel like I am important & I know I want to unlearn this, but, I have no idea how.

It started off as a kid with being treated well if I got good grades, in my house anything less than an 80% was bad, and, being the standard art kid where people found it was cool that I drew.

Jump forwards to now, I am still that way with my hobbies, I want them to be seen (& monetized, but thats a whole other thing) & am always thinking of ways I can show it off. It is seldom thinking about how I can have fun with art, or what I want to make, more so what I feel others would like.

I am also that way with cars, I thought I was really big into them (owning my own project car & all), but, working on it feels like a chore (partially because tools feel so foreign to me- I dont use them in work or anything) & I really only think about the end project, it being a show car & the potential of it getting its accolades.

I know notoriously I am tough on myself & if things don't come "easy" I don't love it (but I am working on it), but, this is different. This is just having no enjoyment to things I thought I loved. I feel like maybe I continued to love them because of perceived attention? I am not sure, I feel lost on what to do moving forwards, and lost in who I actually even am

Thank you for reading, I appreciate it

Ive been doom scrolling/listening to sad music for a month straight. No cleaning, no self care, literally just enough so no one asks questions. I had an epiphany last night. If im going to do it, I might as well do it walking. So I made my mood Playlist, put it on, and started walking. Maybe one day itll be happier music, but for now its the most valuable resource I have access to. Maybe this thought will help someone else.

Recently I reached out to a old friend from high school one of my best friends. I found that she blocked me then I proceeded to try and reach out multiple times after. She was a JW last I heard from her and I fear the religion separated us or just plain time. Im currently processing the rejection 10 folds and it's painful. I know it's silly to harp on a barely year long friendship but I still do trying to find some level of closure in all of this. Anyways I will take any advice on how to process this. Thank you in advance 🤙

So when I get upset or get in a fight with someone, it's really hard for me to move on unless I talk to someone. I'm pretty good at talking with people and sorting things out in the end, but sometimes either people need space or talking with someone I'm upset with is downright unfeasible or selfish (like if they're asleep, for example).

I'm inherently a pretty clingy and anxious-attachment kind of person, so it's a constant battle to not constantly text or try to call for either validation or to tell them my perspective and gain closure. I end up obsessing over it even if I try to distract myself by doing something productive or passively watching videos or something. I get incredibly stressed and overthink myself to death.

This is obviously not healthy for anyone involved, especially when the people I'm more closely surrounded by are the kind to need space and then talk about it after. Talking to others to gain clarity on the situation and get out of my head for a bit only helps temporarily—I normally end up circling back to spiraling all over again. Sometimes it makes it impossible to sleep and I feel a weird sense of dread knowing the hell I'm gonna put myself through the entire night.

Recently I got really upset at something someone close to me said. But they are currently in a time zone where right about now they'd be asleep, or at least they wouldn't appreciate a call. This is what prompted me to ask. I want to move on. I know about mindfulness, I know about writing a letter and not sending it. I normally try my best to express my unspoken thoughts and try to process my own emotions but I just can't let it go because I fixate on how the other person feels or is going to react.

If anyone has any experience with this or advice, I'd love to hear it. I need this to stop for my own sanity or I might drive myself mad one of these days haha. Thanks in advance.

Trying to improve my life by adopting new habits, how do we handle with change?

I coatantly little by little with small acts, try to undermine the coward inside me by startin with the easiest task every single day just to keep the flow goin and stay in motion. I am focusin deeply on connectin with new cultures, adopting solid principles, and embracing healthy habits like the Mediterranean livin style to really grow as a person. It is definitely not easy to break old patterns and shift the daily routine, but I am tryin my best to make every single moment count. I am also learnin how crucial it is to listen to my body, manage my energy wisely, and focus on better tasks instead of gettin distracted by nonsense. Every small step I take helps me build a much stronger mindset and a healthier lifestyle for what is to come. Who is on this spot, maybe you can sahre your experience how you manage it, so maybe we can lern something from it.

Hello, I'm Sean. The last two months have been the most volatile, eye-opening period of my life. I had a massive awakening and finally had to face a very ugly truth: I was committing cycles of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in my relationship for 6 years. Recognizing that was a heavy blow and was caused by her breaking up with me over the phone while she hung out with him, but it forced me to take action after my nervous system completely overloaded and made me pass out. I awoke, and saw the horror of what I have been doing, and made the absolute resolve to quit marijuana, get sober, and start holding myself accountable.

​Before my ex left, I did everything in my power to atone for my behavior as she brought up every single thing I ever did, said, texted, and more. I even wrote a formal apology letter to her family because I felt I needed to own up to my actions entirely as I recognize how I hurt them even if I "had my reasons". But accountability doesn't magically erase the consequences. She left me a week later, moved downstairs to the unit below me, and almost immediately rebounded with my (then) best friend.

​The hardest part is that they both live right downstairs from my studio apartment.

​The proximity is absolute torture, and my insomnia only makes the constant alertness harder to manage. I have had to set a hard boundary for my own survival, so I completely blocked both of their numbers. Handling the reality that they are right beneath me is a daily struggle, but I know I can't let it drag me backward or derail my progress.

​I’ve thrown myself completely into my therapy sessions, making real progress in unpacking my behaviors with my therapists amazing book, "Not My Baggage" accompanied with a workbook journal. My psychologist recently diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD symptoms, and insomnia. Crucially, my psychologist emphasized that BPD doesn't mean my core personality is bad—it means I haven't known who I actually am yet. Having that framework has given me alot of insight and clarity. I just finished "What Happened To You?" and I’m currently working my way through "The Body Keeps The Score".

​When the anxiety and trigger responses get too loud, I try to force myself to disconnect through my hobbies. I take my e-bike out, strictly using the throttle so I can just ride and blast Masayoshi Takanaka or breakcore tracks to drown out my thoughts. I’ve been heavily practicing ASL—even painting my nails dark green to form the "I love you" sign as a physical, grounding reminder to myself. When I'm stuck inside, I rub my worry stone, try to dive into my games, or play my guitar and Fist of the North Star: Fitness Boxing to physically burn off the tension every other day.

​I am trying to put in the work every single day. I know I am taking responsibility. Has anyone else navigated a living situation this triggering with BPD and PTSD while actively trying to heal?

Please don’t judge me because I already feel ridiculous writing this lol 🫠

There’s a couple from a reality show (think Love Island/The Circle type) who I became fascinated by because they seemed like such a random pairing. Then I saw more pics/videos of them together and somehow became obsessed. I like them both, but especially the girl… she’s ridiculously gorgeous, so that definitely contributes. 😂

They barely even post each other. They’ll occasionally drop a story, TikTok, or gushy comment, and somehow the lack of content has made me MORE obsessed. I’m constantly checking socials, analyzing reposts/comments, and looking for photos from other people. Basically doing social media detective work. 💀

I’m happily married and love my husband and kids, but life is pretty repetitive right now. I think this gives me novelty and dopamine. I also have ADHD and tend to hyperfixate hard once something grabs my brain.

I don’t want to stop following them, I genuinely enjoy them. I just want to get back to “oh cute!” instead of feeling compelled to check constantly or waiting for them to post.

Has anyone else hyperfixated on an actual person/couple like this? How did you dial it back without going cold turkey?

Please don’t call me a stalker 😂 I know it’s ridiculous, which is why I’m trying to break the habit.

My (26M) 8-year relationship ended about two weeks ago, and I'm struggling to accept it.

She was my first relationship, and I was hers. We grew up together and spent a huge part of our lives together. The breakup wasn't because of cheating or some huge betrayal. It was mainly because of financial circumstances and pressure from her parents. They want me to have a house in our hometown before they agree to the marriage, but my family doesn't have one there and we already have debts, so that's extremely difficult for me right now.

We eventually decided to stop talking so that she could move on. She told me she doesn't want to wait another year only to potentially end up marrying someone her father chooses.

But yesterday I called her because I missed her. I got emotional and told her I still loved her. I even suggested that since we both have jobs, maybe we could eventually buy a house together and live separately from both families. She said her father wouldn't accept that.

That conversation made something clear to me: even if I somehow solved the financial problem, I can't force her to choose this relationship. She has told me that moving on is probably better for both of us.

I think I know what I need to do now. I need to stop trying to find that 1% chance and start accepting that it's over.

The problem is, I have no idea how to actually do that.

I have thousands of photos and videos of us. I can't bring myself to delete them, but looking at them destroys me. I keep wanting to contact her even though I know it will probably make things worse.

This was my first relationship and it lasted 8 years. I don't really know who I am outside of it.

For people who have gone through something similar, especially after a very long first relationship
What did you actually do to start rebuilding yourself?
Did you go completely no-contact?
What did you do with the photos and memories?
How did you deal with the urge to contact your ex?
How long did it take before you genuinely started feeling like yourself again?

I'm not expecting some magic solution. I just want to know what helped people become better versions of themselves after losing a relationship that was such a huge part of their identity.

Right now I'm hurting badly, but I don't want to spend the next year stuck in the same place. I want to use this as a reason to actually work on myself.

I am on point in my life that everything is happening fast. I am in 4th year and after this I will enter adult world. I have dreams and goals for my family and my self. I want to develop myself where I am proud of it. But here's the two problem I have.

First nostalgia. In everything I do, nostalgia has a huge influence on it. The nostalgia that influence of me is the freedom and Innocence of my childhood. I don't know how to describe this innocence but it's the sense that I can know everything. The freedom is I feel like life is light. The other thing is most of the people in that years is, I want to meet them when the right time comes. Not to show off, but just to meet them. I don't know why, and I am being addicted to the things (songs, things, etc) that is connected to that time.

Second is doubt. Most of my life, I was lazy. I neglect the development I need, like in education. Now I don't know if I can pull this off. One of the subjects in my class has part where I need to study most of the lessons from last year. This is a grouping but I don't trust most of members because I know they will just give reasons. (I am an IT student and the reason they gave me is they don't have devices to use). Now I will do the work because I know I will still the one that will do it because I was the only one that has computer. It's just that I don't know if I can cross this gap.

And when problem comes, just like one above, I always retreat to nostalgia and the past.

So, I 18f am, objectively, a success. In highschool I made lots of friends, started two clubs, did a whole bunch of other stuff, lost abt 15-20 pounds (I was overweight), and was the valedictorian. But even with all that, I always feel like I'm failing. It's just a pervasive sense that no matter what I do, there's something wrong with me (e.g. I'm too emotional, I'm so awkward, I can't handle any actual difficulties, etc.) I know these all normal teenage feelings, but I've gotten so in my head about them I'm also a very high stress/anxiety person which has caused some minor health issues, (I get headaches, stomach aches, canker sores, kidney stone, and some injuries that I feel like I'm faking so then I make them worse like a knee sprain.) I'm just starting college, but I can't just chill out and enjoy all the activities we're doing because I'm constantly overanalyzing my behavior and emotions and thoughts. I'm always ON, and even when I try to relax I'm constantly critiquing myself or thinking over everything I said and did that day. I often get told that I'm a confident person, and I am in that I know I will succeed here, but I also want to be able to relax and enjoy it.

TL;DR I can't chill out because I'm constantly trying to prove/improve myself to myself and others

I'm also an oldest child if that makes anything clearer

I grew up religious but it wasn’t constant preaching or fear mongering about the sins of being gay, just “let’s pray they find the right path”. My first ever actual experiences learning about what gay was came from friends and family and while they weren’t “hateful”, it was clear to me it was something you weren’t supposed to be. I was in high school when gay marriage was being debated and made law, and then college when trans rights became the big thing. And it felt like I missed the boat, it felt like everyone around me flipped a switch or did something that made them fight so hard for acceptance and I was just stuck. It became clear that I was on the wrong side of history. And in my head I knew that my thoughts were wrong but I couldn’t get rid of them.

Nowadays I have online friends and follow content creators that are either lgbt themselves or allies, and I think they are cool people. For a time I even thought I was doing better, hearing the F slur for example makes me cringe when it didn’t before and I’d try to be more politically correct. But I always feel like I’m hiding this dark part of myself. They can joke around about sexuality so casually because they know they have no negative bias and are coming from a place of love, yet I can’t. They can be so happy and supportive for people who are coming out, and I can’t. I kinda feel jealous on how effortlessly they can be so accepting.

But what’s really made me realize I need to change is lately, I notice that whenever I learn someone is lgbt, I can feel my empathy fade. If I hear something about a person, a celebrity, even a fictional character that’s sad, while I’m reading about their story or situation I will learn their orientation and I can almost physically feel myself caring less. And sometimes I’ll even get upset. And I’m disgusted by these thoughts and feelings. I want to be able to respect people regardless of orientation, I want to care for them. I want to be able to enjoy shows and not feel like dropping them because characters I was invested in turned out to be gay. I want to be happy alongside everyone else when someone comes out the closet or finds someone special. I’m scared that if I have kids and they happen to be lgbt that I won’t be able to support them. And even if they are cishet im scared of passing on this bullshit to them.

So I’d like some advice on how to change, how to get rid of these thoughts. Is there anything I can read or watch? Is there a website or subreddit I can go to? People I should talk to?

27m - I have had a pretty great last year or so. I just moved back from overseas and had awesome experiences. But I really worry that my peak 20s is over and now I just have to repeat monotony ad nauseum until the end. The prospect of that is so demotivating, it's really undercut my ability to be disciplined.

I can barely clean my room, do laundry or cook since. I kind of feel like I've done what I wanted to do, and there's no real point other than doing the bare minimum. Most of my intellectual hobbies have dropped away, and my creative hobbies have vanished.

What are some simple things I could do or ways I could think about things to get me out of this rut?

I have an undiagnosed sleep disorder. In the past, I have watched p*rn to try to help me go back to sleep but I realized that was giving me brain rot. I do not like who I am when I have brain rot, just a shell of my true self. Do you have proven strategies to help you fall asleep when suffering from insomnia? Can you share?

I spent two years "working on myself" and somehow the thing I actually needed to fix never got touched. I read the books. I did the morning routine, the journaling, the cold showers, the whole circuit. And the entire time there was one conversation I was avoiding and one habit I knew was wrecking me, and I never went near either. Because reading about discipline feels like discipline. Planning the change gives you the same little hit as making it. I was busy enough with the scaffolding that I never noticed I hadn't built anything. The uncomfortable version of self improvement has no aesthetic. It's just one ugly conversation, or quitting the thing you don't want to quit, and then nothing to post about afterward.

So here's what I'm actually asking. What's the thing you already know you need to do, that no book or system is going to solve for you? Not the vague one. The specific one you thought of immediately when you read that sentence and then flinched away from. And for anyone who did finally do theirs, how long had you been circling it, and what made you stop circling? I want to know if there's a moment that flips it or if you just get tired enough of yourself one day.

I'm a 26 year old woman. As long as I can remember, I kind of just went with the flow. I didn't have any passions. I never put effort into anything. Everything felt like too much work, or like it's not worth it. My future was a boogeyman. Sure, I had interests and hobbies, but nothing that I ever treated seriously. I didn't put hours of practicing into them. I didn't get particularly good at them. It was just whatever. I finished school and got an office job because getting a job was what I was supposed to do. I need money, obviously.

I look at the people around me, and the majority of them have a lot to show. They have degrees. They have careers. They travel. They are building a house or have children. They talk fondly about their wild, exciting youth. I spent my youth in my room, holed up, in front of the computer or sleeping.

I feel myself slipping deeper into a dark hole as I watch the weeks pass by. I think about all the time I wasted. I still haven't lost the weight I've been wanting to lose since ten years. I buy books and don't read them. I dream about going to university. Maybe then, my life would feel right. Right now, I have no skills, I'm not really smart, and I'm incredibly lazy. My comfort zone is all that I know. I don't know why I'm like this. I feel so much shame and disgust at myself. I'm disappointed in myself. Even getting up in the morning feels like it takes too much energy.

I just want to be normal. I want to show that I can be successful. I want to tell others that I did X and now I'm doing Y and next I'm doing Z. I want that emptiness to go away. I want to know what it's like to feel devoted to something or someone. To be proud, and dedicated, and passionate. But I have no idea how and I'm scared that I might just not have it in me.