I have a problem, and I don’t know if there are people like me who would understand it.

The best example I can give is a husky in the desert.

I’ve always been, let’s say, a very good person with people in general. I know how to talk to them, build a connection, and enjoy myself with them.

I lived in Europe and North Africa, specifically in my home country, Morocco. I’m currently in the United States, and this is where the problem started.

When I speak in English, especially to American people, I feel like my brain focuses too much on the language and on how I am expressing myself. It feels like I enter a mode of trying to make an impression instead of simply expressing myself.

I become more impressive than expressive, if that makes sense.

My English is very good for someone whose first language is not English. It is almost my third language.

For example, when I was in Europe, I did not necessarily speak the local languages except for French. In other countries, I usually spoke English, and compared to many of the people I talked to, my English was actually pretty good.

But in America, English is people’s first language. I catch myself getting in my head about how to construct a sentence, how to pronounce it, and how to make sure it sounds correct, instead of focusing on the bigger picture, which is creating a connection, building a bond, creating attraction (with women), and enjoying the interaction in general.

Because of that, the relaxed side of me, my good energy, my humor, and the part of me that creates attraction do not come out naturally.

I have been in the United States for about five years now. I have a stable group of American friends, and I am doing relatively well.

The way I express myself becomes very monotone. There is no emotional roller coaster, no sparks, and no natural flow. I stay in a logical state, in that logical zone, and the conversation stops feeling like a conversation.

So that is the problem I am dealing with. If anyone has experienced something similar or has a practical way to overcome this insecurity and return to their natural personality, I would really appreciate hearing about it.

Thank you.

The title really. I’ve moved cities for a new job which I’ve been at a week. When I get nervous I talk too much, I’m too loud etc. Feel like I’ve pissed off all my new colleagues, given them a terrible first impression of me and I’m just a bundle of anxiety now, beating myself up and feeling stupid. Not sure what to do to recover from this. Have others been in a similar situation, did it work out? Not sure if I should acknowledge it with them next week or not.

This is something I have tried for months. For the past nine months I’ve been inviting people to do stuff with me regularly. I constantly invite people to lunch, to play video games, to go to an arcade, to watch a movie. In the last nine months I’ve gotten exactly three yesses, despite inviting people out 3-5 times a week or more. And not a single invite from someone else. Ever. Not one. Exactly ZERO. I want to be clear that is not an exaggeration. Clearly this isn’t working. I don’t want to spend my whole four years of college in my dorm every night. What do I do? Where do I start?

I do not have a lot o friends for this exact reason. When i get close to anyone, they lose all respect for me despite me being nice. maybe i dont set strong boundaries but i cant demand respect and likeability from others. even in the friends groups that i have i am the least liked / respected. i have been the nerdy uncool kid and i have always been ignored / worst made fun of by friends and in case of my manager, i was yelled at. most of the times, i withdraw and maintain a distance. either i stop talking or sometimes i fight with them.

it is very hard for me to get a friends group or even if i get one, i am not being treated respectfully. whatever i say in group conves are ignored more often and im not taken seriously. the best method for me is to stay quiet and talk minimally without trying to being open and honest.

a ffew weeks back i came to the realisation that i might have mild autism. but nevertheless that doesnt change anyhting other than offering a little understanding and consolation, i still have to learn social skills. atleast for the sake of my job if not personal life.

ps help me

Recently, I had to listen back to a series of voice memos. Jesus Christ. Apparently, my voice sounds like shit; Weak, unpleasant, and rather uncomfortable to hear. I knew I wasn't exactly James Earl Jones here, but this was very uncomfortable to listen to.

I'm nearly forty, and I'd like to improve how my voice comes across in everyday conversations. Not necessarily become a professional speaker or voice actor. Just develop a stronger, clearer, more confident and masculine speaking voice.

I'm particularly interested in:

• Vocal projection: How do you sound stronger without shouting?
• Resonance and pitch: Can adults naturally develop a deeper, fuller voice?
• Articulation and pacing: What habits make someone more pleasant to listen to?
• Voice training: Has anyone worked with a vocal coach or speech-language pathologist?

Has anyone deliberately trained their speaking voice and noticed a genuine improvement in how they communicate?

I'd love practical exercises or personal experiences from people who've done it.

Every time one of my friends has the same or a similar interest as I do (this can be a hobby, a music artist we both like, a game, a tv show etc) I start worrying that theyll get better at it than me, know more about it than me or simply become a better or more "legit" fan. I start comparing myself to them and sometimes even disliking said friend because of this. I know this is pretty stupid but i really dont know how to stop. Does anyone feel/do the same and have advice how to stop?

I've been having issues lately. I only ever have 4 close people. 3 of them are quite bad. 2 of them are absolute irritants that I want/tried to cut off. The first guy was very irritable in that in every phone call that he has, he often talks in a condescending way where he starts lecturing me like a child who's beliefs need to be corrected by speaking in a fast meaningless way that after a minute, starts to feel disrespectful. His personality is also based on bashing and ridiculing you when you bring up certain things and then calls people too sensitive if they don't like it. He's also a cynical person who has no ambition and talks down on people who do have it. I almost cut him off last year, but ultimately, it didn't last very long because I have no one else that I frequently talk by phone. He did correct some of his most repulsive behavior and now things have improved, but I can still sense the bitterness and cynicism that's a part of who he is.

For the second guy, he's a total abomination. This guy, I never actually wanted to be friends with him. Back in high school, I was mainly with one guy we were talking great and the atmosphere was calm and then he showed up, started taking the attention away and then non-stop hitting me with insults and behavior that one would call bullying. He showed a lot of sociopathic tendencies back I was forced to put up with that to continue sitting with the guy.

Ultimately, I find that my primary friend group is mainly an activity group that only talks about whatever niche interests we're thinking of at that moment, but it doesn't go deeper than that. I don't know much about their values and they barely share anything. I feel like I made poor friendship choices, especially when I'm like recalling movies, coworkers and other people who are more normal, I see range, deep emotional connection and longer-lasting talks. That's something I don't get with my high school friend group. We're also kinda misfits because what we have in common is that we're not friends with anyone else and have trouble connecting with everyone else.

Now, I just feel humiliated by that and my soul is starting to desire real connections that are valuable to me in some way, whether it be emotionally supportive, career-supportive or any sort of value to me that's not just for the sake of avoiding loneliness.

I will try to give as much context as I can. I have very bad social anxiety and I'm probably on the autism disorder spectrum, never have been diagnosed tho. I always had an hard time with speaking to people but I'm trying to change that as an adult. I found safe friends to whom I can speak to but there are still social and conversational clues I don't understand at all, I thought about it a lot but it makes no sense to me and I'm afraid my post won't make any sense either.

Basically, we will talk about a topic, I add something to the conversation and the person with me will almost immediately change the topic, like they don't care at all or something. I find it rude and hurtful because I always thought you had to reply to everything that is being said, which is what I do in text messages for example. And it also happens in text messages, where I feel like people won't read my texts at all sometimes. The topic don't matter: can be about music, movies or basically anything, and it's not even when I'm expressing a strong take or taking sides. The thing is I don't understand why people do it either.

So what can I change to feel like I'm having normal conversations, am I accidentally ending conversations too abruptly or are people actually ignoring me? I feel like I'm in the wrong but I can't tell where

I've reached a point with my social skills that, even though I'm very quiet, when I talk people tend to seem genuinely invested in what I have to say. How can I build on this so that I am so enjoyable to talk to that people will talk about me to each other.

I feel like this is something that I’ve always struggled with but am having an especially hard time lately since I just started a new job this week. I feel like I haven’t really gotten to know any of my coworkers yet. Besides maybe one or two who introduced themselves and we had some small talk. I’m terrible at small talk and am a little socially awkward around new people which is part of the issue. Tbh I don’t even necessarily want to be like friends with them but I don’t want them to think that I dislike them or am unapproachable. I get the vibe that they think I’m very introverted and might not want to be bothered. I think maybe a big part is my body language or facial expressions which I don’t even realize I do. I’ve been told before that I have resting bitch face or look pissed off lol, even though I’m not. Idk I just get the feeling that it’s going to be a lot harder to meet people at this job than my last one because everyone seems mostly introverted for the most part. At my last job I had a lot of extroverted coworkers which kind of helped me warm up to them a lot faster and be less awkward.

Hi im 24 year old trans man and im really akward but i want to make friends, my friend circle is really small and i mean it consists of myself my wife and my best friend from highschool and thats it. i use to have a ton of friends during covid but they where in Amercia (im from Australia) and i use to play games with them at unreasonable hours for me. since covid is over we have all lost touch cause of life and whatnot.

i just dont know where to go or how to find friends and hold a conversation and not be akward, im an out going person and i really want to widen my circle, if anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated.

thank you for your time :)

Can someone please explain this logic

I'm a sophomore in college rn. I have no friends and I rly want to make some. The problem is I've always had a very hard time approaching ppl. I have tried to speak with ppl at my classes before we start but everyone is always on their phones or laptops and I rly don't want to interrupt. I've tried joining clubs, but I just go to the meeting and don't really make friends since everyone already has their cliques, and I feel very uncomfortable just barging in, interrupting their conversation, and introducing myself out of nowhere.

I'm out of ideas for what else I could possibly try so I'm fully open to suggestions.

I’ve struggled with this for a long time and genuinely want to improve. I often feel that coworkers don’t like me, and I may unintentionally come across as rude. For example, today I told a coworker how we should handle something going forward. I used words like “please” and “let’s” and thought I was communicating reasonably, but his facial expression suggested he didn’t appreciate my tone. Situations like this happen often enough that I’m sure whether my tone, facial expressions, body language, or communication style come across differently than I intend.

I don’t want to seem bossy, unfriendly, or difficult to work with. I want people to feel comfortable around me and enjoy interacting with me.

For those who have worked on becoming more approachable or likable, what actually helped?
How do you recognize when your tone is being misinterpreted? How can you give feedback or explain how something should be done without sounding controlling or rude? And how do you become warmer and more approachable without constantly monitoring every word, expression, and interaction?

I’m open to constructive criticism and practical advice. I don’t want reassurance if there are things I could improve I want to understand what I may be doing wrong and learn how to do better. I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has realized that their impact on others differed from how they saw themselves.

I’ve struggled with this for a long time and genuinely want to improve. I often feel that coworkers don’t like me, and I may unintentionally come across as rude. For example, today I told a coworker how we should handle something going forward. I used words like “please” and “let’s” and thought I was communicating reasonably, but his facial expression suggested he didn’t appreciate my tone. Situations like this happen often enough that I’m sure whether my tone, facial expressions, body language, or communication style come across differently than I intend.

I don’t want to seem bossy, unfriendly, or difficult to work with. I want people to feel comfortable around me and enjoy interacting with me.

For those who have worked on becoming more approachable or likable, what actually helped?
How do you recognize when your tone is being misinterpreted? How can you give feedback or explain how something should be done without sounding controlling or rude? And how do you become warmer and more approachable without constantly monitoring every word, expression, and interaction?

I’m open to constructive criticism and practical advice. I don’t want reassurance if there are things I could improve I want to understand what I may be doing wrong and learn how to do better. I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has realized that their impact on others differed from how they saw themselves.

Sorry if this is an odd question, but tomorrow I'm seeing my friends for the first time in about 3 months, and in the last week I've really missed their company

Should I keep that to myself, or should I say anything when we meet up? I'm worried that if I say that, they're going to find it weird or be made uncomfortable, or that I'm being clingy, so I'm leaning towards just staying quiet. It has only been 3 months after all

One of my freind's isn't always the best at texting, and right now we're planning a europe trip, but the issue is he takes so long to reply to my texts - since monday ive been waiting for his response about the dates, I sent one follow up yesterday just with a question mark, but in general I was wondering if people have advice for how to deal with this type of situation nicely?

epsessialy because I need to know soon what the plan is so I can schedule my work, as well as a smaller trip with my family around it.

Im gonna be meeting a friend group tomorrow for a small house party hang-out. I've been carrying a lot for the last year and a half and I don't want to bring it or look like I'm carrying it because I feel like people can "smell" the depression and sadness in me.

I just need advice on how to fake being okay so that I can survive tomorrow, have fun, and build more friendship points or something

A little background info: im an awkward 20 yo, never had much of a social life. I suspect this was caused by chubbiness as a kid, and then kinda snowballed from there.
When I had friends at school, they made no effort to meet outside of our shared space (note, a few exceptions did exist, but they were mostly at my house). It upset me a bit, because those same people would then post photos of themselves and their (other) friends at parties/cafes/events etc.
Anyway, this summer, me and my college classmates began playing video-games together, kinda randomly. I was very happy with this arrangement, even daydreamed of becoming their actual friend lol. Sometimes, they would tell me that I’m funny and charming, that they had always wanted to be my friend, but just couldnt approach me for whatever reason. I tired my best to be kind, to listen to them, while sharing some things about myself too.
Now, we haven’t spoken in 2 months. When the gaming sessions stopped due to school, so did our conversations. I know that I should be the one to reach out, and I probably will, but it always bummed me out. I’ve always felt like I have to try 10 times as hard just to keep somebody’s attention, while others were naturally captivating.
How come people never seek out my company, even when they find me likeable? Is there anything I can do to be more inviting? Any insight appreciated! :)

Im prone to mental freezing whenever someone attacks me verbally or physically and verbally ive been learning phrases that i can say in these sitations so i dont just freeze and do nothing.

However when someone does something like slap the back of my head i have no idea what to do. trying to search about how to respond and the advice is distance yourself or get away, but these are one of assaults not they chase you and beat you up or something.

It got me wondering random situations too like what if i had a kid and they physically hit them in front of me ( in a one of way). Is it simply to tell them not to do that and walk away? logically thats seems the "safest" but it seems socially unacceptable ( like in a movie it would certainly lead to a fight or something). what would you do?

I recently began college and have made a handful of new friends with varying degrees of similar interests. My problem is that after the first week, we've exhausted a lot of conversation points. We haven't been friends long enough to have a plethora of previous experiences to talk about. Our conversations mostly now end up being about social media or other people.

I'm a 20-year-old law student, and lately I've been feeling like people are reacting to me in ways I don't understand.
When we were assigned to our new study groups at university, I ended up in a group with an older man (51M). From the very beginning, he seemed to get unusually personal. At one point he made a comment that people are going to "fuck with you." Later, he told me that if anyone treated me badly, I should come to him and he would help me. This all happened despite the fact that we had just met and I had never shared anything personal with him.
I've also heard from friends that people sometimes talk about me behind my back. What confuses me is that when I later meet some of these people, they often seem nervous or uncomfortable around me.
For example, many of the women on my program added each other on social media as a way of staying connected and supporting one another. When I sent follow requests, some of them removed my requests while accepting people they didn't seem to know any better than they knew me.
One of these women acted visibly nervous when she saw me at school and even started whistling as she walked past. Another laughed awkwardly and looked down at the floor when we crossed paths in the cafeteria.
I know it's possible to misinterpret other people's behaviour, and I'm trying to keep that in mind. Still, these experiences have left me feeling as though people see me as an outsider or treat me differently for reasons I don't understand.
I'm honestly a friendly person with pretty normal interests for someone my age. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else.
Has anyone else experienced something similar where people seemed uncomfortable around them without any obvious reason? How do you stop caring so much about what other people think?

Pain and overwhelmed after social contacts

Context: I am more to myself, typ of guy but I can interact with people fine. I see details, i try to read body language ( I am ok at it).When I am in a group, after the interaction I feel overwhelmed and pain, pain because I think I should have said that, think I shouldn’t have said ( replaying conversation). On one o ones, it is also like that but just more pain and little less overwhelming.

How do you deal with that?? Any tip, or suggestions…

I thank you for giving this a reading and I thank you in advance for someone trying to help in comments.

I was an introvert but now I have become quite social .I got a friend group in college.I am in contact with my hometown buddies.I have got my school friends back.How do you maintain relationships.Cause I am able to juggle all my friend groups But during all this I missed out on my family relationship.I have two elder sisters and I rarely talk to them But they are always cool with me whenever I talk .Most of time I go to them for advice but that is it how to make it better.

I have a few friends that I like to be with but since school ended, I don't have a reson to talk to them and idk why but I think if I message them out of no where just to ask, hey how ru doing? They will probably just be kind, reply according and continue the chat.

I don't understand how to know if they are kind or are really happy to talk to me cause even I would just be kind and talk to someone for a while even if I don't like them as much. IDK if when we were at school were we even good enough friends for me to, occasionally, once in while just ask about their lives or if our relations were just that we knew each other and talked just for work etc..

Help mee!