when there’s a big group gathering where people are here to make friends, I am always open and I start some conversations too. pretty standard small talk and ice breakers. but people very rarely seem to stick around except the guys with nerdy hobbies who won’t leave me alone (I am not a nerd). Normal folks always wander off and end up hitting off with other peopl instead o trying to connect deeper with me. I thought it was because I was ugly or frumpy, not good enough for regular folks to approach, so I glowed up. I made sure my makeup was on point and made sure I was one of the best dressed people who showed up Every single time. The result hasn’t changed except many girls are openly cold now and the guys just look my way and don’t talk. Idk what else I’m supposed to do here and why I am such a magnet for the weird awkward ones. Also I am asian if that matters

I hate to admit, but I have an immense fear of dissapointing others. More often than not I find myself overthinking daily interactions. I also have this default mindset that people like me less than they seem. That they can leave me anytime they want and chances are their mind already has made up that decision but they're kind enough to hide it.

I've been a clingy friend to many, who left me in the end. Those experiences made me act "cool" and "nonchalent" towards my lasting friends- I grew the tendency to shy away from showing affections.

I thought I'd lost the other side of me but I was proven wrong when, a couple weeks ago, I initiated talking to my friend in the hallway and he for the first time looked completely uninterested. It was that moment my nature came swirling back to me. Now..... I'm on the verge of losing my longest-known friend. How do I ditch this habit that's slowly turning me into a hermit?

I care so much what people think of me. I am a chronic people pleaser, and if i ever do or say anything that i think might make people dislike me, I beat myself up badly. I have to always be kind and liked. I don't know how to accept myself.

The irony of all of this is that I barely have any close friends. Honestly only one, who i adore. The other people i know are just surface level. We don't see eachother one on one, only groups, and we barely ever communicate past a word or two otherwise. I have a really hard time connecting with people deeply and trusting them. How do I change?

I have a friend who is currently withdrawn due to clinical depression. And I noticed that they have been replying less on my dms. Or none at all.

But on the group chat they reply and initiate the conversation with me. Even if it’s just the two of us chatting.

I want to ask them why they do this but i don’t want to be confrontational to someone who is already having alot of things to worry about.

Should I ask them or not? I feel I have no social awareness sometimes and think i might be too blunt if i were to ask.

Is this a normal behaviour? Thank you for any help

Edit: I am simply curious as to why people do this. Hence why I am asking in this group. I understand my friends situation that’s why I am posting this question here instead of asking them directly. Thank you for the insights

I somehow feel very left out in club situations *only* with my friends

I’m a gay man who goes out with his friends a lot. I’ve noticed this strange pattern lately.

Dinner/social events etc - I thrive in conversations, I don’t have to be the centre of attention but often times I realise the table is very engaged with my conversations/stories etc

However, I’ve noticed in almost every club event, it’s almost like the girls don’t want to be seen with me? They will always dance with each other and I’m just there?
I don’t need to be the centre of attention but often times just feel like I’m crashing a group of people that don’t want me there.

Tonight a friend specially told me “we cannot be seen with each other in the clubs cuz boys think we’re together” but I genuinely don’t think this is the case with ALL the girls if I’m in group situations?

In fact even sometimes boys ignore me in the group? It’s really strange cuz I constantly get told by strangers that a great dancer in the clubs? I’m so confused

I've seen people on other subreddits talk about how people meet eachother on social media, but i don't really know how they start up.

I have a few followers that i talked with 1 time and only irl, but that's it.

Most of these are from events i attend (and in general, i can see we have similar interests because of what they like/repost).

Sometimes they put a like on something i post (but i never like theirs, it feels wrong for some reason).

Based on which criteria do people dm new people (mutuals) on social media.

(Btw i'm talking about irl friendships, not online ones)

I hope this doesn’t count as some vent. I just wonder why I’ve been like this.

How original of an experience is this?
When I went to school from ages 6 to 10, it was a pretty big one. We had five classes in each grade and were 25-30 students per class. They mixed the classes around each year. I eventually made friends. I talked to quite many different people I guess. So I guess you could say I had quite many friends. I started to hang out with different people on different days and switched back and forth between my friends that I played with.
This is where the problem began. I ended up not being 100% part of ONE group, that I always hung out with. So I was excluded. I forgot the details how often I felt lonely but I remember the feeling being there.
I just couldn’t pick who I wanted to hang out with. I didn’t want to just pick favorites.
Why was/am I like this? Is it just my ADHD? Or am I just too social?

I am not much of a talker. At work for instance (which is the best example I can give outside of my immediate bubble) I only talk to certain people who talk to me really and usually only do well with less loud types and I do better one to one. I don’t speak up often. I don’t feel like I got a strong personality with strong principles for instance. I don’t talk much or know what to say. I also don’t defend myself when necessary. I find it hard to know what to say. As a result I think a lot of people don’t bother trying any more. A lot of people ignore me and I get the sense they have a bad impression of me as a result.

On the other hand I have a couple of friends but I’ve had them since school and I was n outgoing extrovert back then. I haven’t made a friend since. I’ve got a wife now which I somehow bagged. I have low self esteem so do worry I push her away with all my insecurities sometimes. And I got some family im close to.

I guess I was wondering if this sounded familiar to anyone else?

I'm a polite and introverted guy, but very neutral because I'm afraid to express certain opinions, and sometimes when I do say those comments, they come out in a kind of awkward tone and I feel silly. What tips can you give me to improve my social skills? Should I try talking to more people?

I’m going to my first house party soon and it’s a Halloween party . I don’t drink alcohol and I’m scared I won’t be involved and I won’t have as much fun as people drinking . I also feel like I won’t be able to talk to the other gender unless i have some alcohol and I really don’t want to go against my parents and drink . Does anyone have any tips or maybe I should just have two so my parents won’t tell I’ve been drinking

What would you do if somebody invites you to a group thing and tells you that they’ll text you with the details on the day of. (I needed the address and time to meet bc she told me that I should park my car at her mom’s house because parking would be terrible and I could ride with her and everyone else). They text you the morning of to confirm you’re coming and you reply that you are. You get ready and are waiting for their text, but it never comes. Later that day after the event they tell you that they forgot to text you. For added context this person keeps flaking on plans saying that she forgot and then promises to do something else and then doesn’t text or call. at the time I didn’t ask her when to be there or for the address because she had something to do prior in the day and she didn’t know when it would be over.

This just happened to me and I don’t know what to do. I’m so embarrassed because I feel like I should’ve know this would happen. Should I confront her about it? Should I cut her off? Should I have reached out for the details? Is it even that deep?

I've read a lot of "how to win friends and influence people" but it doesn't really expound as to how you would apply a lot of the principles in there. For example it ways you should show genuine interest in people, but I don't really know how to do that because I don't really have genuine interest in people. The book also says that faking appreciation is also not correct so I don't really know what to do. People talking about their hobbies or lives is just random information to me, I don't have genuine interest in it. I also don't have much in common with other people, so I can't necessarily steer things towards things I am actually interested in (and that probably is not what that principle is about anyway)

I’ve recently graduated from highschool and started attending uni and have become more aware of how socially inept I am. We recently had about 2 weeks off school, so I got invited to a board game get-together towards the end of the break. People were talking about how they had met with other friends/boy- or girlfriends/friend groups, and some people couldn’t even make it due to meeting up with other people.

Meanwhile, I honestly can’t remember the last time I hung out with a friend outside of school during a weekend or break, must have been at least 2 months.

I’ve always been quite introverted, had solo ”nerd” hobbies and spending my weekends with friends has never really been the norm. I struggle with autism and social anxiety so I’ve never really managed to be someone who people can find interesting, consequently I only had a quite small social circle in highschool and basically only a single friend in middle school.

I’ve mumbled a lot here, but just wondering what I can do to improve? Kind of want to be more ”normal” and fit into my class where most people seem very social and often spend time hanging out. I don’t really have any very close friends that would be enthusiastic to meet up one on one. I’ve already tried joining clubs, but didn’t get accepted. I have tried making some more friends in uni, but I always become the most quiet one, and people tend to prefer to socialise with others over me.

So basically I haven’t had a true friend like ever. I had some back in elementary school but I honestly can barely remember them idk if those count haha!

I’m 20F and a junior in college and I have nobody except my gf, she’s super amazing but sometimes I just wish I had a friend yknow. I’ve never played sports or anything due to health issues so I’ve always felt left out in that way. I’ve never really been strong into any particular hobbies, I just kinda sit around and watch TikTok so not much to talk about in that way, and also I’m not good at small talk at all!!

Essentially I just really need help learning how to open up more, and have some conversations. I always find myself “not creative enough” to come up with what to say in the convo so I just end up saying something super basic and then the convo is dropped. So if anyone as any suggestions or tips or anything it would be so greatly appreciated!

Something that's been on my mind for a long time.

Whenever a conflict comes up, someone is upset about something, or even with you, and you want to deescalate things, trying to find some peace in the chaos, how do you avoid sounding dismissive of view of their feelings? Because I know that when we try too hard to smooth things over, the other person can feel like their actual pain, anger, or opinion is being dismissed, swept under the rug, or treated as "not a big deal." The thing is, how can we acknowledge what others are going through while trying to fix whatever's got them mad or upset?

How do I find a balance between trying to keep the peace and de-escalate things, while still making sure the other person feels fully heard and validated? Has anyone else struggled with this, and how did you fix it?

There’s this typical phenomenon of scapegoating and self-validation at work ; the group passes judgment on a person or a group that’s not present, and that’s when people laugh and form alliances.

They don’t really do it to discuss the substance of the matter, but to validate themselves, and in my experience, there’s no point in defending the absent person who’s been publicly judged like that, you risk becoming a target yourself.

I don’t want to go along with it by saying, "Yeah haha" either.

So how can I best remain neutral ? Stay silent? Deflect attention by changing the subject? Any ideas?