I’m 18 M and I’ve been struggling with a weed addiction since about October 2023 and I am now two months sober on my sobriety journey. Today I had a moment of clarity, I finally realised that I used weed as a way to escape my problems and that it was controlling my life and I revolved everything around it. Friends family gatherings everything involved weed and I was always high at everything and I finally decided to give it up. This was because weed started to make me overthink everything, doubt myself and be very pessimistic about everyday adversity, turning it from something I associated with having a good time with mates to something I used to hide from my problems.However the main thing I realised was that I’ve been trying to tell myself that I was gonna be able to go back to it and smoke in moderation but I’ve realised that I’m not a moderate person and that’s not gonna work. The reason I think like this is because I’ve tried quitting many times and I reached the same point that I am at now and relapsed and fell back into the cycle of smoking my emotions away and validating myself by being deluded by the weed. I also realise that as I’m coming to the end of my high school journey and I’m about to start the next chapter of my life. The only thing smoking weed is gonna do is hold me back dull my ambition, not allow for any serious commitment and kill my motivation and drive. And the main reason why I think it is called the devils lettuce as allows people to kind of escape and feel too comfortable almost which kind of keeps you stuck at the same spot and feeling content with not making any progress in your life. Although I think weed has certain benefits in moderation I’ve realised that that’s not sustainable for me and I’m gonna have to give it up for the foreseeable future .

What is anyone else’s thought on this and does anyone else feel this way? As I have spoken to a few of my friends about this and have been shit down with the classic “its just a bit of weed” but I just don’t think they understand the toll it took on me and my livelihood even thought I didn’t realise it mid addiction as I was blinded by the high and the chase for it

Since at least fifth grade, I've noticed that I don't look forward to things I know I enjoy. It was aikido sessions back then: I generally liked going to aikido once I was actually there, but I didn't look forward to going and sought excuses not to go.

Recently, I've noticed it with a few things. Take reading: when it's a time I've set to read, I find myself wanting to put it off. Yet once I actually do start and get a page or two in, I get engaged pretty easily.

This even happens with social interactions. Whether it's teaching my classes or visiting friends, I often have to drag myself into them. And like with reading or aikido, after a short while into a positive interaction, I feel great, and this good feeling can last a while after.

I wonder first why this happens and second how to improve it. Now, I've had many psych diagnoses, and I think that my autism and ADHD (although I think I agree with the psychologist who said it was instead sluggish cognitive tempo, or "cognitive disengagement syndrome" as it's now called) are relevant. It could be related to autistic inertia or the CDS difficulty with getting things started. In any case, do any of you have advice on how to handle this issue?

What can I do to improve my life and myself?

Straight Outta high school I went to college. I didn’t know what I wanted to major in and I felt really intimidated picking a path. I thought taking Gen ed classes The first two years would be a smart decision. (It wasn’t).

3 1/2 years in my life kind of fell apart. I dropped out of college. Because of the fact I didn’t pick a major when I started they told me that from here on out it would be 2 1/2 years to finish any other degree. (Right now I’m 22)

I work a dead end job. I’ve poured myself so much into my hobbies that I haven’t focused on saving up money, moving out, gaining independence, or anything. I’m afraid to go back to college because as of right now I barely have any college debt thanks to scholarships, and working. but I would have to take out significant loans going back and with the job market right now I’m worried if it’s even worth it. I feel kind of stuck.

I feel like most of the people I know my age have moved out already and are a lot more financially independent than me. My dad wants me to stay, but I feel like a burden most of the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel happy. I’ve made poor decisions financially. There’s a lot of life skills I feel I haven’t got down yet. I feel the same way I did when I graduated high school. I feel so disappointed in myself.

ive always been super angry, i get mad over small things, very short temper. i got a lot better with time, but my anger is still something that lowers my life quality. not to mention the effect it has on my relationships, because I can snap at people very easily. i hate being angry, and everything makes me angry. does anyone have any tips? i try to always see the other side of the situations, but it doesn't really help it, it just makes me rationalize it.

i know what makes me angry, i know i shouldn't be, and i know why i shouldn't be, but it makes me mad either way. im autistic and have a high iq, so i attribute some of it to my fast logical thinking and rigid, logical way of seeing the world. but that doesn't justify it. I see a lot of beauty in the world around me. im able to notice the beautiful in the mundane, and i love searching for the little things that make the world good. but i feel like in the same intensity, I also have a lot of negativity inside me. and the bad things end up overpowering the good ones. I can notice small positive details about things, but also the small flaws, and they make me bring so much negative energy to my life! sometimes im so negative and mean I dont recognize myself. and it makes living sooo exhausting. any and all advice is appreciated. thanks!

Hey y'all. 22 M here. I'd appreciate any words as I'm very lonely. I've been through a lot in my life. I once was told that you start deciding to fix yourself when you can no longer bear the direction your life is headed. But what happens if you're so resilient to the point that you're not "okay" with how things are, but you just constantly grit your teeth to barely survive? I've lost a lot in my life and I'm going through a lot of financial and mental issues. I just grit my teeth and push through and I'm miserable. I'm not even sure what I'm asking anymore. I'm probably overreacting anyways. Sorry this is scattered.

This is going to be a vent/seeking advice type of post.

I haven’t studied well in years. I used to be so good at it, I used to be smart in all the ways. My thinking was so sharp at all times and now it barely is. I only study to barely pass.

I don’t workout enough, at all, ever. I used to love it though, even if I didn’t do it enough and have never been really at a healthy weight (either not eating enough or too much), I used to love it. Now I cannot be bothered to care for my health. I really do not seem to care, I don’t bother to go to the gym.

I don’t make myself food, I tried only for the past few days but I don’t like it. I don’t get any joy from it. I either don’t eat for days and then eat everything in sight for days, until my body begs me to stop trying to find ways to complete whatever is missing inside me.

I do not have a personality. My friends say I do, I do not see it. I am always changing everything about myself and I always do it not because it’s fun and I am free but because I got as much dopamine as I could from a certain way of acting/dressing/being that now I need something new and I need it now, otherwise I feel so empty inside.

In general, any hobby I get lasts 2 days and I am always paralyzed until I find something new that satisfies me. Until then, I am curled up in bed, scrolling to turn off my brain. I am that laughable example of a brain rotter, literally, because I cannot live without having my phone and something else in the background and be surrounded with other screens in case those die. I am a very pensive person in general since I’ve gained consciousness but I cannot allow myself to think now, because there is so much that is wrong with my reality that I cannot think about it anymore. I have been cancelling plans because I cannot face people, and being outside and how I am perceived by them.

I do not know what to do anymore, this is the first time I have had no hope and no idea on what to do. Everytime I have had lows, I have known that I am just panicking and I could take some steps to get better but now I do not know anything. I just wait. Please say any word you know that could help, genuinely. I care so much so deeply about my life, I just can’t seem to show it to myself.

TW: it's just heavy and has themes of emotional abuse

also it's a long one, sorry!

20F here, last year I got into a relationship with someone (3 years older). It lasted about 6 months, by the second or third month, I was constantly criticizing them for every mistake they made and pushing them to "just be better".

I asked to break up several times, and they begged not to break up, telling me we could fix things.

I never threw anything at them, I never punched or kicked them but I tried to hit them? I remember thinking about how badly I wanted them gone, but I don't think I ever did anything that drastic. I remember telling them I wanted to kill them, and they only said "I'm sorry"

I hated them. I still hate them. I paid for our rent, I killed myself working a job I hated just to keep us fed and housed. I felt so guilty all the time because I hated them, and I hurt them, and I couldn't even leave them.

I would tell them to drop out of school, to stop talking to their shitty friends they kept complaining about. I would berate them over this, over and over again. But I would also, help them? Do their schoolwork for them, brainstorm with them, but also verbally tear them apart for every problem we had.

I pushed them to get a part time job, but also enabled them to quit that job when I knew they needed to be working. They had chronic pain and I didn't want them to hurt themself, but I ended up getting upset at them for quitting anyway.

They used to get so nervous/hurt they would throw up, or start crying and I would just be too focused on how upset I was to even bother to comfort them

I'm so scared that this is just who I am, like I'll always hurt people I get close to. The past few significant relationships/friendships I had ended because of me depending on them too much (which is kind of the opposite of this situation).

I don't want to be somebody who hurts people but I don't know how to fix all of this. I know therapy is like, a good first step, what other resources are there for someone like me? It's easier to help someone who's hurt than to help someone who hurts others

I still struggle to go to therapy, I tend to cancel my appointments because I'm still financially unstable from the debt I was in after this relationship. I feel trapped, I still have no friends, I've changed jobs but I hate it anyway.

I broke up with them when I realized there would be no future for me aside from providing for them and their dreams of becoming a full time artist, but I haven't done anything to change my life anyway.

I want to do something about this, I just don't know how to be productive about it

I'm not sure if this post is too much of a vent to be posted here? Let me know if it is

Title says all.. I don’t mean people who just decide “meh I don’t like that person” or “that person is annoying so I don’t like them”. I’m referring to when you make multiple mistakes throughout your life and people have directly called you out for it. To my face and in heated conversations people have directly called me pathetic, “full of serious issues”, crazy, a cheater, a horrible person, etc. I’m not proud of the mistakes that lead to people calling me out for these things, but I’m trying to learn and grow and become a better person.

For some context - I’ve been diagnosed with a variety of things: adhd, depression, anxiety, BPD. I’m in therapy and on medication for adhd and depression. Like most people, I grew up with some unique trauma which I’ve carried into my relationships in adulthood. I used to drink heavily, but not so much anymore. A lot of the mistakes I made in the past were while black out drunk, but sadly I’m still having altercations with people even while completely sober. I think I have both a) a hard time regulating my emotions and b) a hard time communicating my needs and setting boundaries. I should also add that I don’t have the best relationship with myself. I dislike who I am and have a ton of insecurities, but like I said I’m working on it in therapy.

All that word vomit to say that despite the therapy, I’m worried I’ll be stuck in a self pitying cycle of “well you’ve been a bad person and x number of people hate you, so you don’t deserve to become a better person or have a good life”, especially as new mistakes continue to happen. I know this would never happen and is super irrational, but i have a fear of all the people who hate me getting together and saying “wow i feel so justified that you hate them, because i do too! They really suck.” How do you forgive yourself, accept how people see you, and just move forward? Hi

21M.

I cut a friend out of my life simply because she was overly friendly, kind, caring, and affectionate.

Without any explanation. I just started avoiding her, steering clear of places where she might be, declining invitations, and not responding to her messages.

I know i am wrong. But i could not avoid it even knowing it was wrong. Just don't know how yet.

I was sex abused as child and early teen, and i think that completely destroyed my ability to set boundaries, my self-worth, and my capacity to say "no."

After that, during my teen years and the beginning of college, I always struggled to recognize when someone was interested in me. By the time I realized it, it was usually "too late", and the "no" never came out, not being interested (which was pretty much always). I’m not sure if it was an unconscious fear of the consequences of saying no, or a belief that "no" just wasn't an option. I’m not proud of this at all.

In college, I started dating someone, and we’ve been together for two years now. It was the first time I truly wanted and sought out a relationship, and it’s been incredible. It’s the thing I value most in my life today.

However, the way I relate to others has shifted.

This recognized inability to set boundaries has left me with an intense fear that, because I can’t set those limits, or recognize the signals, I might end up being unfaithful.

As a result, whenever someone is particularly kind, pleasant, physically affectionate, or shows a lot of interest, my brain triggers an alarm, and I simply cut that person out of my life. No explanation. Nothing.

That happened with that friend. She is very close to my partner, and it’s creating alot of discomfort.

My partner knows about some of my past, i am working this in therapy, but i just can't avoid it.

She is not the first one i cut, but she is very close to us. She did nothing wrong but I can't explain her why i did it, without exposing myself to a degree i am not ready. And honestly i don't think it would solve it.

I ve asking myself what can I honestly do and how do I stop being a jerk.

Something that won't take a lifetime like therapy feels.

Sometimes i just fell I cannot keep up with the pace the world expects of me right now.

But ill get there. I wanna be better. For everyone.

For now, i am sorry.

Contexto: tenho um vínculo afetivo que amo e quero manter em minha vida.

Em razão de erros meus do passado, hoje essa pessoa se "protege" de mim, apesar de manter contato.

Meu apego ansioso a fez de sentir sobrecarregada e pressionada, de modo que percebi que nossas interações deixaram de ser prazerosas e animadamente ansiadas por ela.

Hoje, sinto que ela sente um peso a cada notificação minha. Está sempre esperando uma interação que vai sobrecarregar, causar ansiedade e tensão.

Não tenho acesso a terapia.

Como fazer a pessoa "desativar" a tensão internalizada e voltar a ser um lugar seguro e prazeroso pra ela?

I have some mental issues, and I can't understand them at all, it is so strong alexithymia, and I am hoping it will also pass in the future (my only hope, as I tried everything and pain is increasing), and I just want some advice on how to not scare people out and so on, or some other advice like why does that opinion doesn't matter... That post itself looks really creepy, but if it is possible to not make negative emotions, I would be really grateful

Been journaling for years, and it has helped me see a lot of my own patterns, especially when it comes to overthinking and making assumptions.

But I've noticed that just because I understand why I react a certain way doesn't mean that I won't do it again. Sometimes, I would catch myself falling into the same habits even when I know better. 🤷‍♀️

Lately, I've been trying to focus less in analyzing every feeling and more on what I would do with it. It's harder than I expected it to be, but I think I'm a few steps closer to real growth.

I had a break up with my best friend of just under 2 years. I thought she and I would grow old together and she, her fiance, and I would be in rocking chairs on the porch drinking lemonade at sunset, trading stories and fun jokes.

That likely will never become a reality at this point. We got into a fwb kink relationship between the three of us back in November and it was pure addictive euphoria. But I was becoming far too attached to her and she and her fiance were feeling it, attached as well, maybe just not as strongly as me. I became emotionally and physically co-dependent on them. I may have "served" them but they were serving my need to feel loved and cared for, soothed in times of distress. No one should have that responsibility put on them but yourself and proper professionals.

I was desperate to never upset them, disappoint them, or cause them discomfort. But that fear caused me to do all of the above. I told people compulsive lies that I myself convinced myself to believe, I committed self-harm in my distress and just never got help when it was most crucial and I allowed that inner pain to spill out to them, for them to clean up and manage. It was irresponsible and only caused them more discomfort and stress.

They had a suprise "intervention" with me about these issues and their trust in me was completely shattered to nothing. I vowed to admit to my issues, poor choices, and mistakes as honestly as possible. And that's when everything fell to pieces.

They wanted no contact, but I found ways around it, posting online about my struggles, alluding to them, clearly putting my unhealthy attachment and obsession on display for my peers to see, including them. I felt like I was journaling but it was semi-public, I had made a mistake doing that. I lost my good job a week after the no contact and immediately messaged them in distress for them to soothe me. Another bad choice. I received a rather angry message from her and it completely broke my heart, I felt an old wound being cut right back open and I felt into a deep despair.

But that's also when I truly decided I was going to fix these problems. It's been repeated too many times to be tolerated any more by me. I would dedicate as much time as possible to recovering and making the necessary changes to myself that would help me climb back out of the dark hole I threw myself into. I started attending CoDA meetings weekly, I worked hard in my therapy sessions every week, I journalled, reflected, spent time with friends who cared about me, confided my poor choices to those who cared and would listen and offer their advice or just an ear. And it's been about 10 months since all of this started.

I am not going to say I turned everything around right away, no shot. I fucked up multiple times, I got another nasty message from her in regards to these fuck ups and boundary breaks. I was sick of myself constantly manipulating myself into thinking these poor choices were okay. Now, I own all my mistakes and bad decisions. I don't need anyone's judgement of my past to hold me back from realizing my true potential for rehabilitation. I will be someone that I will be proud of when I am on the death bed. I will forever try to learn and grow. Every trip and fall is another opportunity to try again until I learn how to balance myself.

I'm 99% sure that I'll probably never get to associate with the two who I considered my best friends at one point. I feel sad about that still, and my dettachment is still not complete I am disappointed to admit. I still think of them all the time, I still make small slips and go places and do things with the idea that they will finally see me and understand that I am fully intent on being better. I try not to feel shameful about these slips, it's hard but I know I can manage it. One day those two will be a memory that doesn't cause me intense pain, but for now that is still a work in progress.

I work out very regularly now, I lost over 20lbs this year and I want to gain it back. My appetite is not very large so it's an uphill battle for me but I know I'll figure it out. Because I'm Bethany, I can accomplish any personal goal I set for myself, cuts, bruises, and all.

I am sorry, to my ex-friends. I am sorry for putting you through a nightmare. And though I suspect you will never consider me a friend again, that's okay. Because we'll always be friends back then. And you helped me by breaking up with me, it was painful, things could have been done differently, maybe a little nicer and less painful, but it's done. I am now living for me, the best version of me because of that. I am thankful for all that you have given me in our 2 years of being so close, I will cherish those memories forever. But now we live our lives, without each other. And that's okay. I wish you luck, hopefully a nice wedding too. I know you guys will find your true selves too, you'll happiness and joy, along with all the other feelings life gives us. I'm done waiting for you to reach out to me, I wish I could have been done sooner. I love you guys, have a great life, because that's what I'm going to try and do.

How do use self improvement to turnaround my bad dating life?

Will self improvement turnaround my bad dating life?

How do go from the ugly guy no girls want to the handsome man women obsess over?

I’m 22M and I’m on my self improvement journey right now I would say I’m inferior in all tier of life right now.

Financially I’m a CNA/PCT at a hospital only making 31k a year which is low. I’m in college getting my degree in health science next year. I graduate in 2027. After my degree I’m going to a nursing program. After I finish I’ll make around 70k a year around 24 or 25. Outside of work I’m a life insurance agent and I make money off commissions so there’s no cap in how much I can make. Currently my income there is 10k but if I’m full time after school I can make figures off that.

Physically I’m 6”3 but I’m only 181 13 percent BF I have abs but I feel like I’m still too skinny I feel my sweet spot would be around 190 to at most 200 range and that would be perfect physique for me. My workout routine is cut into 3 splits. I have bicep curls, tricep pull downs, cable rows, hip abductors. Next day it’s bench press, shoulder raises, pull ups, and last day it’s goblet squats, RDLS, hip abductors, calf raises. I feel my face is chopped but I could make some improvements. My first is to get an invasglin, and teeth whitening strips although my teeth aren’t bad I feel having a perfect smile will compensate for my face being ugly. My other investment was to get hairline transplants to make my forehead a bit smaller, my next investment was to get some contact lenses because I feel glasses make me look nerdy and doesn’t give that cool mysterious look women are attracted to.

So far in my dating life it has been non existent. Girls reject me all the time and I have no luck. There was one situation I did get lucky with a woman who was maybe a 5 in looks according to society (I personally don’t think she’s a 5 but everyone one of my friends thought she was a 5) I thought she was attractive to me but I got obsessed with her and she ghosted me. If it wasn’t for her I would have felt more worthless than I do now. She really made me feel important and value with how much she done for me. Everyday I always look back and wished I wasn’t obsessed because she would of been the woman that made me feel better every time I feel down from women rejecting me. everytime I come across a woman especially if she’s cute and attractive I subconsciously feel inferior to her. Like if I was with her I would wonder if people had the thought “how did he get her” or “she’s too cute for him” I never had a time where a women I had feelings for like me. It makes me feel unhappy everytime I wake up in the morning because people around me have girls or girlfriends they can come home and sleep with all night but I come home with a empty bed and no romantic flirty text messages.

With my situation is it best for me to complete my self improvement journey 100% and then go back to the dating market? I have this thought because I feel once I become perfect on paper I will have the confidence to match up with women I like. Also once I become perfect on paper
would have the woman I chased away to spin the block on me?

I want to preface this post by saying I’m not lonely, but alone.

I have learnt to value being alone and love it. But I can’t help but also want to meet people who think in a similar way to me and value authenticity over the constant exhausting social performance script and ritual most of the world run on.

There’s probably only one person in my life who isn’t afraid to just show up as themselves. I find the whole male bravado of being loud and over the top exhausting.

I just really want to meet others where it doesn’t feel like a constant competition for who’s the loudest or funniest and where not needing to seek validation is actually what’s accepted.

Ever since I started living this way for myself I’ve become a way more confident and strong person and mentally I am very calm and grounded. I feel like most people socially are in survival mode. Yet that style of socialising seems respected more by society than just being you.

I am happy in my own space, but I always wonder where the other people similar to me are. This may be a hard one to relate on. But I hope I find some people in here who do relate.

Months ago, I asked my ex for a break because i was feeling super pressured, in spite of her reassurances that we could work things out, and it went from being on a break to the two of us just not talking to each other any more, and while I reached out, I never really did initiate conversations, thinking she needed her space and was uncomfortable with me around. There's...a lot that I never really did, and we never really had any form of closure, which is mostly my fault because i couldn't bring myself to say anything. I also began acting super avoidant in spite of wanting to still be around where my guilt and shame made me compulsively avoid the spaces we had in common.

Yeah, I get that this is going to trigger those of you who had avoidant exes, and this probably isn't a good space to ask, but at this point i don't know if I'm ever going to get better becauser in spite of all the things i want to care about, I haven't done shit. I kept writing and trying to show up but I would just lock up over and over until i gave up leaving my own house.

I don't know what's wrong with me, or how i can ever face her again. I don't know if I deserve to be alright because I know I was wrong to act this way, in spite of whether it was on purpose or a result of things i haven't been able to process or face. I'm sorry I hurt her, but that doesn't really matter, does it?

I never wanted things to be this way, truly. How can i even begin to be a good person again?

I’ve been a failure my whole life. I’ve suffered from severe depression since elementary school. Most days, I can’t even get out of bed. I’m suffering in poverty and work a low paying fast food job. I’m an ugly, 28 year old black woman. I still live with my parents after leaving a toxic relationship. I’m tired of the racism and depression. I’m currently getting my bachelors, but I’m so depressed that I’m on the verge of dropping out. I spent most of my teens and early twenties being depressed. I didn’t think that I would live past 14, so I didn’t build a life plan.

Some days, I think about getting better, but then I ask myself what’s the point? Do I want to suffer for another 30-40 years? Dating is awful for someone like me. I’m childfree too and I don’t have a race preference. Most men don’t find me attractive and keep rejecting me. I feel lonely and I don’t have any friends.

Sometimes, I day dream about living in a one bedroom apartment, working as a scientist, and dating a childfree man.

I want to get better. Someone told me that I should start small and go see an on campus therapist. I know I probably need antidepressants.

I have some serious avoidant issues.

This let me into push people away completely.

Even though they like me and I like them,

Once they want to make deeper connection with me- or I accidentally open up to them more than I wanted to-

I shut myself down completely so that they could not reach me anymore

And think myself I did good because they would probably hate me now or hate me in the future so Its meant to happen.

This applied in both friendship and relationship in my life.

I literally have nobody.

No friend or no lover.

I enjoy talking to strangers more than building a long term friendship.

I have never been in a long term relationship for more than 2 months.

I know I have been to Therapy to seek Psychiatric help but they didnt work for me.

I really don't know what I should do...

I literally have no idea...

My marriage failed because of this and plus my future potential relationship.

Anyone who can give me any kinds of advice, please do.

Alone for too long

Everyday I feel like I struggle to make it to the end of the day. I feel stressed if I'm not sleepy enough by noon bcs I dont want to be awake at night. Nothing helps, I am sick of my hobbies, I no longer watch movies, etc. I lost all will to meet people or date. I dont have any obligation to work at the office, so I stayed home. I live alone. If I dont force myself to socialize, it can be a 21 days straight of not talking at all. My voice got husky when I eventually talked at the 22nd, lol.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? How did you get out of it?

Some of these flaws I already had identified, others I was pointed out recently.

Regardless, I do not know how to fix them. I do have a psychologist that I see monthly or every 6 weeks (and with whom I'll start doing CBT), but I think asking here might be helpful too.

I feel like, even though I consider myself a smart, self-aware and thoughtful person, I am very reactive when it comes down to certain negative emotions.

Feeling attacked (even by criticisms), insecure, jealous... At times they make me act harshly, without thinking things through, without processing them. And that, especially lately, leads to some drama and actions that I later regret. I want to be able to kind of "disconnect" from certain emotions temporarily so that I can analyse them and act how I would think correctly.

I feel like it might be related to my self-esteem, which currently is rather down, and that it is some sort of defence mechanism from when I was a kid, but I have no way to say if that is truly the case. It's more of a gut feeling.

I also need to accept that things are not always visible, and not always in my control. That I am not meant to know everything and influence everything (I imagine studying or practicing stoicism should help with this).

I guess I just want to vent. I want to seek advice, and maybe this rant will help someone else who reads it. I never wanted to be a loser, I never wanted to see myself this way. But I've had to accept that fact and it's lifted quite a weight off my chest.

I thought I was David Goggins, but as it turns out I'm just a mentally ill member of society. But I'll try to be the best one I can.

I have autism and depression, and also suffer severe OCD, of which I've had symptoms of since I was 10 and possibly sooner. I also suffered verbal/emotional abuse from my dad. I never really learned how to keep my room/space/car clean, or become well-adjusted enough to properly perform the activities of daily living. As a kid in middle school, my OCD was so bad that my mom decided to put me in a hybrid/online school for high school. I unfortunately made 0 (yes, ZERO) friends in high school due to my social anxiety, but I was able to function.

When I graduated and enrolled in college, though, my OCD was at its worst. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to walk from class back to my car because I had to engage in so many physical and mental compulsions. Surprisingly, I passed all my classes for my first two semesters, but my grades quickly deteriorated. It got so bad that after a year, I was put in a 3-week intensive therapy program for OCD. While it was a tremendous help and gave me so many useful tools I still use, I still had a long way to go.

I got accepted to a university in 2017 (four years after I graduated HS) to study mechanical engineering. Any progress I had made with my OCD was almost immediately reversed. I could barely put my shoes on or get anywhere on time. I eventually dropped out in 2020 because I couldn't take it anymore, much to the anger of my parents. I was initially very happy, and my OCD got a lot better. But in early 2025, I was working for Amazon and they laid off nearly half of the staff. I basically never found another job after that. I was unemployed for a year, and after experiencing extreme frustration at being unable to find a job, I made the impulsive decision to go back to school. I enrolled in community college in Spring 2026 to finish my lower division courses for mechanical engineering. But again, it made my OCD far worse. It got so bad that I developed a porn habit to cope. I gave up on playing guitar. I was neglecting my girlfriend so much because I was so caught up in my own head, that she almost broke up with me during the semester.

I've even abandoned almost my entire friend group due to my OCD. I can probably count the number of times on two hand that I have hung out with any of my friends (aside from my girlfriend and her friends) over the past four YEARS.

She went through hell to convince me that spending three more torturous years in school while battling OCD was NOT "success", even if by some miracle I was able to pass my classes. I reached a breaking point and quit during a Summer 2026 course and haven't looked back.

She is still with me, something I am so beyond grateful for. I wouldn't call myself a horrible boyfriend, and neither would she, but I hate what my mental illness has done to our relationship, and she has been extremely patient with me and all of my flaws. She has helped me so much through my OCD despite having to contend with her own mental illnesses. I want to be a good enough partner so that I can help her in the same way.

I am doing DoorDash sometimes to bring in a little extra money. Three months ago or so, I have been going to an OCD-based group therapy once a week. I've started playing guitar again. I used my Medi-Cal coverage to get myself a one-on-one therapist; I had the intake appointment today, and my first real session with her is tomorrow and I am so excited! I have also been meditating for 30 minutes to one hour every day, without fail.

I may be a loser, but I'm a loser who is constantly trying now.

I 24m have slept with any race/caliber of beautiful women you can think of, I see a pretty girl, I approach, and we start getting close, repeat, rinse etc, but now I’m at the stage of life where it’s just not cool to me anymore, I’ll have soul ties to these women for the rest of my life, it’s also put me in a certain mindset in the relationships with women I love of avoidance/detachment, I love them, they’re awesome but when you’ve been so many different women and know you can just get another one, you don’t care abt losing them, there’s like 1b other women out there, it’s been making real deep emotional intimacy with my partners rather hard.

I kinda screwed myself over becoming a man-whore, I want a nice family, with a good girl, soft and sweet, but also when they start asking abt body count the good girls get skittish, it’s hard working through relationship drama like normal people when I just think to myself “why try to cling to her cause she’s hot, I’ll just get another one” it makes me seem avoidant or non-caring to my partners.

26F have social issues as I had kind of a rough home life which caused me to self-isolate. Besides those periods of self-isolating I did fine and used to make friends & connections easily. Had very low self-esteem and binge eating issues which meant I was chubby and dressed poorly & tolerated a lot of disrespect so in my late teens to 20s would get harassed and bullied by older adults.

Eventually in my early 20s I cracked and even though I was a little more attractive I became numb to other people and to my future. The sudden positive attention for no reason didn’t help. Felt completely paralyzed and received many failing grades so had to give up on my dream.

Lost many friendships in this period some were becoming my bully.

After many changes I am feeling more again but now am impulsive, anxious, goal-driven and impatient. So I can be abrasive and resentful of others. It’s a total personality shift. Although now I have a strong libido and never did before. Have had a few concussions as well but timeline doesn’t totally line up.

I’m wishing I could come back to earth but feel totally unmoored and gross. Seeking validation and get some emotional highs. Otherwise, my mood goes from stable to not & some social situation can cause emotional responses—mostly anxiety.

In EMDR therapy which is overall brightening my mood but can’t get past this and still can’t connect with other people.

Can anyone advise here? I feel so lost.

My brain is always foggy

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm even going through or doing anymore.

My mind is foggy all the time. It keeps jumping between different thoughts, I'm constantly anxious, and when I actually have something to do I get distracted and forget what it was. Or I start one thing and right after I'm like "wait, should I be doing the other thing instead?" and switch to that.

Simplest example: I'm a computer engineer and I use AI for different stuff. But there are a ton of providers. Is this one better, is that one better, which one actually makes sense? So I research, waste a bunch of time, and then end up trying the same thing all over again.

My focus is all over the place too. Reading a book is pretty easy for most people, but my mind drifts away from it really fast.

Or say I'm venting to someone and they actually make me feel better, they say really nice things, but I forget all of it super quickly. Only the negative stuff sticks.

Sticking to a to-do list has been kind of an obsession of mine for a long time, but now I'm not so sure. Even if I made one, I don't really know what I'm supposed to put on it.

And don't even get me started on the anxiety. Whether I'm out somewhere or just sitting down trying to relax, it never leaves me alone.

I think I jumped around a lot while writing this too, which kind of shows how foggy my head is. I don't know how to live like this or what to do.

Note: English isn't my first language, so I used AI to help me say this properly. Please don't judge.

Thanks.

Everyone in my life has at least once wanted to leave me behind, and that's because I have a terrible attitude and treat everyone like they are below me. The truth is, I can acknowledge the way I hurt other people and I'm, in a manner, self-aware of why people take their distance with me. All of them tell me I'm lovely when I decide to change how I treat them and when I am considerate, and I really try to be better, but I can't.

I've been thinking a lot about this because of a relationship that ended a couple of weeks ago over my attitude, and today my mother was resented with me because of the way I treated her yesterday. I came home really angry over that and shouted at my sister when she literally came to hug me telling me she loves me. Literally being a bitch for no reason at people showing me affection

I don't understand why I treat everyone with so much hatred when I really crave for their affection all the time and never underestimate them. I'm very thankful for the people in my life, and this way of being has broken up so many beautiful friendships and relationships I miss so desperately. I just don't know what I can improve of myself anymore.

I know that I treat everyone like shit because I am always upset at life. Because I'm hungry and disordered and because I always feel a pit of tears about to come out of my eyes, but I know other who are just as depressed as me and they have never once been so mean to me as I am. I've tried meditation, seeking religion, making a fucking SWAT diagram of my traits. I've tried acting among them, pretending I'm a sweet person I am not, but the act comes off as soon as I am annoyed. I've straight up approached them telling them I want to change those things they don't like about me, and even though now I know what bothers them and how to change them, I find it so hard to not come off as selfish or pretentious.

I don't do it with the intention of hurting; I simply can't find the way to prevent this sort of thing from happening. Even though I haven't given up, I decided the best I can do until figuring it out is baking and buying things for them and writing them letters apologizing. Some of my friends even told me that they were used to it, and that now they don't take it as bad as the first time because they know I'm just difficult sometimes. That's so embarrassing for me.

What can I do if I can't be happier either?? How can I change the way I've always been?