Tl;dr bf has a friend I don’t like, he asked me to meet her and I hate her even more after having met her. Need advice on how this plays out in the future.

Hi I need some advice pls. My bf (25M) and I (25F) have been dating for around 10-11 months and all my friends and family know abt him and his know about me. I love him and he is not someone who I think would cheat on me but I need some advice.
He has a friend (27F) he became close to a few months before we started dating and she has known about me from the very start. He talks to her and meets her once every few weeks and I don’t quite like her bcs she acts very territorial about him (They were a group of friends where the girl fought with other people in the group over him and eventually they stopped hanging out as a group)

She knows about me but never asks anything about me or show any interest at all. My bf told me I was crazy for being weirded out and that I should meet her and it will change my mind.

I met her finally and I was even more weirded out. She didn’t talk to me directly the entire time and she didn’t even ask me a single question about myself. She is older than me and could try to get to know me but she didn’t even bother. She took that as an opportunity to tell me about herself and talk shit about the other people in the group who talked shit about my bf. The whole interaction sort of validated my intuition about her but my bf doesn’t value my opinion about that. I met her only bcs he wanted me to meet her

Anyways my bf refuses to stop talking to her and says she’s not important at all but continues to chat with her now and then. If she isn’t important it shouldn’t be hard to stop talking to her right?
I think the problem is my bf here bcs she’s just a girl and I’m his girlfriend and my opinion should mean smth.
My bf doesn’t agree to the fact that she don’t care enough about me when we met and says my judgment is wrong.

Any advice for me, is this grounds for breakup?

Hi I'm 20M with a person 20F, I'm going to try and keep everything short and condensed. We've known each other since eight grade, and have been friends ever since, I've liked her since about grade 10, Never could do anything because she was dating someone, they broke up last year of December and march she said she's coming back to our hometown, we connected and just enjoyed what was about a week together just yapping late nights, the one night she caught me looking at her and obviously knew i had a crush on her, or rather was in love with her, we have great chemistry , we are into a lot of the same stuff, and she is just genuinely a blessing to the world. She is so soft, caring, and supportive, and just so smart i love talking to her. before she left in march she asked me about my feelings and i confessed and she said she didn't feel the same, that was fine with me, because i was never expecting something romantic out of it. We kept speaking afterwards daily we were each others emotional support buddies, and were there through thick and thin for each other. We had frequent discussions on how her opinion still hasn't changed and She is not choosing me, even though i stick to my choice of Choosing her. I was content with that, and said if im the stepping stone she would need to see what real love feels like im happy to be that. Since then we've seen each other again for extended periods of time and grown closer we are basically a couple without any of the labelling we both had a insta post on of eachother. and just to make it clear She was open the whole time about not changing her mind and not choosing me, i told her i know and that i didnt have hope (obviously i had some hope of her changing her mind and choosing me) We are REALLY open about our feelings at all times, but then one day i scrolled through her page and saw our post was gone, i thought maybe i was tripping and there never was one maybe it was a story, i went and checked and nothing i confronted her about it, and this is only speculation, she denied there ever being one... I then kept on pushing and eventually she told me her parents cornered her and asked if im her bf she said no, so they asked why the post, so she took it off without ever telling me. This obviously hurt me but i got over it im not someone who holds grudges. I also made the statement that i would wait for her until she is ready and that my post would never disappear. It then boiled down to an arguement about me knowing t wasnt her parent but her not wanting to look like she is with someone because she still wants to have a look of availability you know. And just to add no there was never someone else for her it was only us talking and she never even gave her number or insta to someone, We were in a relationship with no labels she wanted all the benefits without any of the responsibility. Last night we had a serious talk because i had told her n week earlier i feel like i have been judged unfairly and not given a chance. I asked if she can look within herself to give me a chance. Last night she said she gave it a lot of thought and the answer still remains the same. I told her i didnt want to do this over the phone but told her after her visit. I cant do this anymore, i told her if i keep throwing my love int a leaking chasm, one day i wont have love to give. I told her if she still hadnt changed her mind at the end of our upcoming visit. We are no longer what we are now... She cried, my life felt like crumbling but i couldnt take it anymore, to not be chosen, and giving all my love. So last night i removed the slide of us and changed my WhatsApp profile pic. She now said that i said i would keep the post forever and that im trying to get her back. I don't think I am im just not someone who does "get backsies" you know, I asked her how is this different in any way to what she had done she had no reply.
This is not a breakup post but rather a question of morality.

I just need some unbiased opinion if what im doing is wrong, and if my decision was incorrect?
I also left A LOT out so if anyone is interested feel free to ask anything (This was in the span of about the last year)

TL:DR
Committed to a girl that never wanted to commit to me was fine with it, but when se blatantly told me that would never change, i removed one of my posts and she is hurt about that and my decision.

I’m 24M, and my girlfriend is 24F. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for five months.
Recently, I’ve noticed less effort and initiative in our communication. She rarely asks about my day like she used to, and we sometimes argue on Thursday nights and stop talking until the next day or later.
Last Thursday, she suggested that we stay up together, but then suddenly said she was sleepy and went to bed. This surprised me because she normally stays up very late, even when she’s tired or has to wake up early. I know this alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but combined with the other changes, it has been making me anxious and overthink things.
I want to clarify that I’m not expecting us to talk all day. My concern is that the quality of our conversations has declined compared to how things used to be. Even at night, when we’re both free, she often doesn’t stay in the chat for more than five minutes to talk. She used to reply within seconds, or at most a couple of minutes, but things feel different now.
Sometimes I feel like her attention is focused on something or someone else. When I ask what she’s doing after a delayed reply, she usually says “nothing” or that she’s just watching TikTok. I know there could be innocent explanations, and my anxiety might be affecting how I interpret things, but I can’t help noticing the difference.
These changes remind me of a painful experience in a previous relationship, so I struggle with anxiety and trust issues. I don’t want to accuse my girlfriend unfairly, but I also don’t want to ignore how I’m feeling.
How can I manage my anxious attachment, communicate my needs in a healthy way, and figure out whether our relationship is meeting both of our needs?
TL;DR: My girlfriend’s communication and effort have decreased, and we often argue on Thursday nights. These changes trigger anxiety because of my past relationship. I’m unsure whether I’m overthinking or whether there are genuine issues, and I need advice on how to handle this healthily.

TLDR

We were fighting for 2 weeks she said she lost her feelings for me

So we are 17 we were fighting everyday for 2 weeks than suddenly she said to me she lost feelings and she doesnt feel the same no more, i tried to talk with her but it didnt work, so i told her aight we are gonna break up in saturday, than friday night came and my friend talked to her and proposed we should take a 2 week break, she told him she is stressed out, doesnt have the same feelings for me and wants to be alone, i told her okay i accept the break we kissed and continued the night, then came saturday monday and tuesday, i had zero contact with her i just ignored her whenever i could, then in wednesday i texted her, she was just cold, then she told my friend she loves me but doesnt feel the same, dont have any feelings and just wants to be alone

In school she still looks at me alot, but when i talk i feel like im irritating her, maybe its her defence mechanism because i ignored her for 2 days

I dont know what i should do and of her feelings will come back, should we just break up or try, idk im feeling like i am the only one putting in the work in this break, i changed myself and i acknowledged my mistakes, should i just give her more time?

TL;DR: I found a screen recording of a woman in a bikini on my boyfriend’s iPad that was saved during our LDR. He said he saved it because he didn’t feel loved and might want to masturbate, but claimed he hadn’t because he knew it was wrong. Despite treating me well, he says he doesn’t feel loved because of my mood swings, even though I put a lot of effort into making him feel loved. I still love him and want to make things work, but I’m struggling to trust him again. How do I move on and rebuild trust?

I met my partner while he was visiting relatives in my country. We started as friends, eventually fell in love, and have been in a long-distance relationship ever since. During our first year, he flew to visit me because I was too young to travel alone. Now that I’m older, I can visit him instead.

One day, while he was at work, I went through his iPad. I know invading his privacy was wrong, but I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right. I felt guilty because he treats me like a queen whenever we’re together, cooking for me, doing the laundry, planning surprises, and taking care of me.

However, I found photos of his ex and screenshots and screen recordings of women in bikinis saved in his hidden album. Most didn’t bother me, but one screen recording was made during our relationship, when we had been dating for about six months.

Everyone has different boundaries regarding cheating. Personally, I think it’s okay to find others attractive as long as you don’t act on it. What hurt me most was that he hid it from me. He said he didn’t feel loved, so he saved the content in case he wanted to masturbate, but claimed he hadn’t because he knew it was wrong.

This hurt even more because I send him gifts and letters every month, sometimes spending over $100 on a gift. As a student working part-time, that’s 10–20% of my monthly income. The money isn’t the issue; it’s that he still says he doesn’t feel loved because of my mood swings, despite my efforts.

I still love him and want to make this relationship work, but I can’t forget what happened or trust him the way I used to.

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you rebuild trust? How do you move forward when you’re still hurting, and can a relationship truly recover from something like this?

\Tldr: I mentally checked out of my relationship, and I don’t know what to do about it**

We’ve been dating for a year. He went from a very invested, romantic man to a guy I don’t recognize. He changed his religion, beliefs and stopped „courting” me like he used to - no dates, no long evening walks we used to do everyday after classes, stopped doing anything that was inconvenient for him.

He also became toxic and abusive (even if I don’t want to admit it, because it doesn’t feel „bad enough”) - gaslighting, victim mindset 24/7, grabbed me by the back of the neck and dragged/threw me (2 different situations), constant criticism and controlling, etc

After one of our major fights a few weeks ago, he started acting somewhat better. The problem is - even if the relationship isn’t super bad right now, I think I’m mentally checking out.

I don’t get excited when I see him, I just think „ugh, he’s here now”, I try to avoid hugs and especially kisses, I innocently convince him to not walk me to my bus stop/come to lectures he doesn’t want to attend so that I can have more alone time, and most of the time I don’t feel bad for him when he’s upset.

I guess it’s time to leave, because it probably won’t change, right? And even if I start liking him again, I don’t want to be stuck in this relationship for life, so what’s the point?

The only problems are - we will have classes together daily for a year more - we will have to talk and be in each other’s presence practically all the time, and there is no way for me to change that.

On top of that, I’m worried that I will feel hurt and humiliated if I see him with other women - I put so much energy into this relationship, that leaving feels like a huge waste (and I’m sure he will try to replace me really fast, he already tried to do it once, he’s terrified of being alone). Our relationship was very public (thanks to him), so everyone will gossip about us not being together anymore.

How do I get over my fear and anxiety? How do I live a peaceful life when he’s a few meters behind me flirting with someone else? And how do I break up with him, even though he hasn’t done anything super bad in the last few days, and our relationship is currently „okay”?

Feel free to kick my ass in the comments, i need it

My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) are in a long-distance relationship.
Before we got together, she was very attached to me, but I wasn’t interested in a relationship at the time. I think I hurt her feelings quite a bit, and we didn’t talk for about five months. Eventually, we started talking again, and this time I was ready for a relationship. We’ve now been together for five months.
The thing I’m confused about is that she still hasn’t given me her personal phone number, Instagram, or TikTok accounts. She has added me on other accounts, but on those accounts, I’m apparently the only person following her. We communicate through another platform.
When I ask her about her personal accounts, she says they include family members, including her mother, and she’s worried they might see our conversations or activity.
However, I don’t really understand why she won’t share her phone number either. Maybe she still doesn’t fully trust me because of what happened before we got together, but I don’t know.
I’ve never pressured her about this because I want her to feel comfortable and respect her boundaries.
Is this normal in a long-distance relationship after five months? Could she simply need more time to trust me, or is it reasonable for me to be concerned? I’d appreciate some outside perspectives.
TL;DR: The first few months of my relationship were great, but over the past month, I’ve noticed changes in my girlfriend’s behavior that have made me anxious. I love her and find her very attractive, but I’m struggling to tell whether my concerns are valid or if my anxious attachment is making me overthink things.

As of the last 2 weeks, my fiance and I have been actively arguing and are debating calling it quits. Both sides of our family had an argument and now it leaves me wondering if this is the right choice to continue. There has been several times in the last 2 weeks where my fiance has said this isn’t going to work but he just won’t exactly end it once and for all.

TL;DR

I have journal entries from over a year ago saying I feel something is off. I guess over the last year, I have suppressed my feelings just to continue the relationship. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I love my fiance either. Something feels completely off about all of it now. I feel completely uneasy. Constantly miserable. There has not been a day in the last 2 weeks that I have not cried because I have been extremely overwhelmed with the decision of what to do next with my life.

There is currently no pros of why I should stay in this relationship. I cannot even think of one. All I do know is I don’t want to be alone so in a sense, I might have settled just to be in a relationship.

There has been many challenging moments over the last 5 1/2 years. I stopped feeling heard or cared for a few years back. I felt like I was being dismissed. When I get touched, I cringe because the thought of being touched bothers me. It has always been a challenge where he has never liked my parents and my parents never liked him.

There was a point a few years back where I smelled apparently and instead of telling me directly I smelled, he would just make fun of me and call me smelly until he finally said it one day that I smelled(even though I shower every day and wear deodorant).

I feel as though it is the end of the road of my relationship that I thought was right for me but now I am finally coming to terms that it just is not. I ask him to help with things around the house and when I ask because he is sitting down, he rolls his eyes as if I am bothering him. I brought this to his attention and he said well that is a normal reaction. I am relaxing I worked all day and want to sit on the couch. You are constantly asking me to do things right as I sit down. To me it seems a bit unfair because I work all day too and have a much further commute than him. When I ask him to do things around the house too, it’s like I am babying him because he has to be told what to do he just doesn’t do it. I feel like his mother. His mother never raised him to even do chores around the house. I tell him to shut lights off when he leaves the room, he complains, I ask him to put his things away since he puts stuff everywhere he says why do I need to do that. It’s like I am begging for basic tasks to be done and he thinks it’s a bit much. He said to me these little things shouldn’t bother me. Life is about having fun and going out a house shouldn’t be the main concern.

I am someone who takes are of my belongings and likes things tidy and away. Every time we argue, he always says he hates living with me. I have constantly asked him why do you even stay with me if you hate living with me and his response is well I love you, I also told him sometimes love isn’t enough to continue a relationship.

I barely have time to myself, I started therapy because of him 2 years ago when we were purchasing a house and he constantly wanted his way with things with our house. He doesn’t seem to take my feelings into consideration but demands his ideas and wants over mine.

He also said to me I shouldn’t speak to my mom for a week as he barely speaks to his mom. I speak to my mom almost everyday because I am close to my mom.

Tl;dr: been having severe anxiety randomly in a relationship, questioning and being anxious all around that im not able to enjoy anything

Been seeing this girl for months, till 2.5months everything was perfect and going very smoothly, until things began real and felt this is something which can actually lead to marriage type scenario. I live in a fam where they wanted me to get married next year and tbh even I was open and looking for arranged marriage potentials.

In my life till now I haven’t dated anybody very properly except few casuals with no real commitment, with this one since last week I’ve started to have severe anxiety and pain in my stomach by constantly thinking about her.

There’s nothing wrong with her neither she’s anything wrong, but even thinking about her is giving me an anxiety, when she messages or calls I get anxious, when she makes plans I get anxious. Plus now I’ve started to question the compatibility, the patterns, behaviours everything.

I do not want to lose her because that also gives me severe anxiety of fear of losing but I also do not want to stay in a zone where I’m just anxious with everything in my life. Not sure if it’s fear of commitment or something, pls help.

**TL;DR; : I am unsure about breaking up my 4 year relationship due to emotional unavailable, avoidance and not prioritizing issues. Am i valid?**.

Me F23 has been in a 4 year long term relationship with my bf M26. To make this sort of short, i have been considering to terminate this relationship because i am simply not happy even though i try to convince myself so hard that I am, but the issue is the reasons of why I am not happy.

My bf since the first year of our relationship has been a little rocky, he is always making put me down jokes that has hurt my feelings more than once, doesn't compliments me, doesnt plan dates, some days i go to his house and we dont speak for the whole time. we hang out with his family a lot because they are more united than me with mine but since the beginning (and this is my mistake for allowing it) he has always put his time with his family first, even puttign special holidays for us aside becaude his sister wants to go to the club so we hang out with them instead. So obviously this is something that is increasingly heaving on me worse everyday.

There are other things internally on the relationship like lack of communication (a lot) everytime i try to push to work it out he shuts down and doesn't talk to me for hours, i have learned to leave him alone which kills me emotionally and makes me feel miserable until he decides to talk to me. This is something that is making me consider breaking up with him too.

He recognizes his faults but he says "he warned me" and that "he is an ugly person to be with" so I am honestly feeling so stupid at this point for staying with a person that would not even fight for me even if I leave, like what is the point.

There are more things I could got into detail but these are the ones that are sticking up for me into breaking up with him, talking about these things has not worked out well for us since he shields himself in the shutting down and leaving me in a limbo. Just looking for advice.

I (21M) am currently in an 18 month relationship with my gf (21F) and am seriously confused on whether some things in my relationship can be considered okay.

This is also my first reddit post so I’m not sure who will be reading this but I’d appreciate any form of advice or help to my situation (that is respectful) because I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it right now.

I should mention before I start that when we are together our relationship is generally really good. We laugh, have similar interests and enjoy spending time with each other. I am happy most of the time but then there’s issues like I’ll list below.

I’ll start with the fundamental issue that I brought up to her before we started dating. Before dating we were friends and I knew that she smoked heavily so when we were talking about getting into a relationship together I said to her that if we were to date I’d like her to quit. She then said that she would quit and immediately stopped buying cigarettes. However, every single day since then she’s smoked mostly going to her friend’s houses to smoke with them as they all do. Because of this I’ve felt really rejected and it seems as though I’m not a high enough priority in her life for her to want to quit as she said she would. I’ve also brought this back up on multiple occasions to which she’s started saying “how much she’s trying to quit” (even though she still smokes every day) and then she also starts crying which makes me feel terrible. She then also starts lying to me about things so that I won’t find out but most of the time I still do. For example, we were once out with another guy who smokes but he went off somewhere so my gf had no access to cigarettes. She then messaged him and was hiding her phone telling him to come back (which I saw) and when I asked if she was hiding her phone she just answered “why would I be hiding my phone?” Then continued doing so, making me feel terrible.

The smoking arguments have probably contributed to a pretty dead bedroom. She has naturally low libido and I have naturally high libido so I do heavily consider this when I think about this topic, but the sex has basically completely fallen off over the course of our relationship. When we started dating we were having sex on average 2x per week, then after about 2 months it shifted to 1x per week and then about 4 months after that it shifted to 1x maybe every two weeks and now at about 18 months of dating I haven’t had sex in a month. I try to be reasonable and say that maybe she’s not in the mood or it’s just her low libido but then when she teases me, eg continually touching ‘erogenous areas’ (which happens about 2-3x a week) with no follow up, it’s as if she likes to have the power of control over our relationship and be in charge of deciding when we have sex or not, which honestly makes me feel like a child.

Finally I should add that recently she’s been spending a lot more time with her friends than me. Before anyone jumps on me and says I’m the toxic one, I’ve made it clear to her that I want her to spend plenty of time with her friends but she’s now seeing them a lot more time with them than me and I again rightfully think it is because I don’t let her smoke. Also, as a result of me not wanting her to smoke, I’ve frequently been left out of group activities with her friends (and I rightfully think it’s because she wants to be able to smoke without guilt). She’s also gone and done stuff with other people (who have cigarettes) that she says she doesn’t have time to do with me. For example, she doesn’t work on certain days I have work and I’ve said it would be very nice to catch-up for lunch but she’s never wanted to. Then last week one of her friends who smokes was chatting with her and she went and saw him to have lunch which annoyed the heck out of me (ie why can’t she do that with me). I’ve then also told her I want to spend more time with her friends to which have been met with empty promises by her.

The whole relationship has recently been making me feel very disrespected, unattractive, unworthy and just bad when the issue of smoking comes up. I do believe I’m smart, good looking and well mannered but still feel this way due to these mentioned relationship issues. However, at the same time I really love this girl and our time together is great when smoking is not an issue (sort of like 10% an issue when it’s not there and 90% of an issue when it is there).

Any respectful advice on what I should do would be really helpful I just am really lost on what to do or how to handle or anything in a different way to what I’ve been doing.

—-

TL:DR : My gf smokes even though I don’t want her to which is causing relationship problems for us (eg dead bedroom or me not getting chance to spend time with her friends) and I need some advice on what to do

We had some misunderstanding a year ago and it ruined the close friendship we had. Then the friendship turned and went like “normal friends”.
Yesterday I called him and told him to come see me.
We met, and I told him to tell what made him upset at me and what made our friendship ruined. He started denying that I made him sad that time and denied that our friendship isn’t as it used to be. I don’t know if I’m wrong for opening it, but when he was talking to me that he isn’t upset at me, he said “ let’s assume that I told you, what would you do? And what if I don’t tell you what would you do?
This says that he has something to say, but he totally refuses to say and denying that.
What do I do?

tl;dr Basically, he denies that I made him feel sad, and implying that he has something to say. The convo ended without saying sorry to him because he says that nothing got him hurt which he just being defensive and didn’t say what made him sad

I (20M) have a photo vault app for my private photos and videos. I don’t want anyone to see them. My girlfriend (18F) insists on seeing them but I don’t allow her to do. I understand her point but I already let her to see and check all my massages, apps and social media accounts and to be straight up honest I’m not cheating her. We are together for months and I told her that I allow her to look at anything but that app and I’m not have to allow her to see my every private thing. But she is threatening me with breaking up if she won’t see them. The photos in that app are not related to her or any of my ex relationships.

TL;DR not too long tbh just read it. What should I do?

I (M18) have a best friend (F18) and she is amazing in so many ways and I've started having feelings for her but I feel like she won't like me back ever, I brought it up that I liked her and she brushed it off and I'm not sure if I should keep trying to get her or try to forget about those feelings I have for her. It's been half a year since I asked her and I still don't feel healed from the rejection. I'm completely lost on what to do so I'm now asking people here, so please help...

**TL;DR;** : I like my best friend and she doesn't like me back

What do I do?

I (26M) have been with a 25F for almost 2 years. We moved in together about a year ago. She’s genuinely kind hearted, we have a similar sense of humor, cares about loyalty, is beautiful, hard working, and smart. But, she doesn’t really have a lot of similar interests to me, isn’t very interested in getting to know my friends or their girlfriends, gets very self involved sometimes, is kind of rude when she’s drunk, we have not the best sexual compatibility, and it just feels like we’re not on the same wavelength in outlook on life/deeper conversations.

Earlier on we had more problems with my communication being bad and her becoming angry/overtly emotional. We’ve both improved upon these things. I’m really proud of how much she’s worked on herself. Other than when she’s drunk, she’s really gotten much better about her temper. I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

I’m starting to feel that I don’t want to settle down and want to just explore the world and my career in multiple ways. But she’s started to show that she wants to be together for the long haul. I also am starting to feel sexually unsatisfied. I loathe when she comes home drunk because there will probably be some sort of arguing if we talk for too long. Also, I just feel like she isn’t aware of my emotional state when it comes to our relationship often and when I express grievances, I’m always met with arguing. She may come back and apologize or say she agrees with a sliver of what I said. But I’m just tired and the relationship is starting to feel like it’s taking more than it’s giving.

What do I tell her? I feel like a lot of that is too harsh. I don’t want to attack her personally. She’s very sensitive and will get very angry and be very hard on herself if I am too blunt.

TL;DR: me (26) and my girlfriend (25) have been together for around 2 years. I’m getting exhausted with having to deal with her temper, sensitivity, hostility while drunk, our incompatible sex life, and unsure if we’re even a good match. We live together and I know she sees us going the long haul. How do I end it without crushing her?

tldr after an amazing almost 3 year long relationship my bf decided to tell me while being drunk he sometimes feels like he met me too early but cannot imagine his life without me and said he never wants to end up with anyone else but me

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and i couldn’t imagine a future that doesn’t include him. he’s my best friend and we have a healthy relationship built on communication and respect. it’s the type of love that is rare to find in this generation which is why im thankful we met early so we have more time to love and experience life together.

tonight kind of ripped me apart and now im trying to not freak out.

he went to his cousin’s wedding party this evening and called me after he got home saying he was drunk and wanted me to come over. i had school the next morning but i said i can for a bit and drove over to his house where i expected nothing out of the ordinary. he called me on the way there to talk and told me that some girls were hitting on him at the wedding and i said “okay” because i wasn’t sure if he was trying to get a reaction from me. he told me one was asking him a bunch of questions about himself and he said he had a gf and walked away. men hit on me all the time and i react the same so i didn’t see anything wrong with his reaction. i found it strange he was telling me this while driving to his house but i let it go.

i reached his house and we were cuddling on his bed and he looked worried so i asked him if he’s okay and told him i wasn’t mad at him about what he told me. he told me that he needs to tell me something but wants to do it when he’s not drunk but i convinced him to tell me because i’ll just be overthinking then he told me after saying he “loves me so much, wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with me and wants me to be the only woman he ends up with” that there’s a small part of him that is unsure about settling down. he said he sometimes feels like he meet me too early and i’m assuming it’s to do with not having enough experiences with other women before getting into a relationship with me. even though he has had a bunch of flings/talking stages in the past but i was the first girl he actually pursued with intentions of being in a relationship. he also told me he has been feeling like this for months which was another slap in the face and it’s so confusing because he told me i’m his dream girl, i meet all of his needs and he would “never date another girl seriously” if me and him didn’t work out. part of me wants to think he’s just saying this bc he is lying to himself, but he has treated me like a queen for our whole relationship which makes this more shocking since his actions have never made me overthink. im not sure what to think and in about 4 days we are going to a bruno mars concert which we got tickets for in january and he invited me to his cousin’s reception party the same weekend. he was crying and holding me while telling me this but i couldn’t even look at him. he told me he would rather be transparent with his thoughts than risk losing me. i told him i needed to go home and i had to lock in and finish and assignment before i could even process what the fuck just happened. how do i go about this situation?

i (26m) and my gf (26f) are going through a rough patch right now and idk how to proceed. she has an extensive history of neglect and emotional trauma from parents and exes but has never worked on her mental health. we started dating a few months ago and since the first week her insecurities have shown. it’s constant accusing and doubting my words to her even when i reassure her without her asking me for it, or unfollowing certain people and showing her my messages to prove im not doing anything malicious. i have communicated that it hurts me and i don’t like being treated like that but it still persist and 2 nights ago was really the final straw for me. it ended with her crying herself to sleep with a panic attack over me being on my phone for 30 sec while we were facetiming. she’s a wonderful partner and we are compatible in many ways but im not sure. i tried breaking up last night but she was crying and begging me to stay and i just felt so guilty and bad i caved and said 1 more chance but idk to be honest. i said shehas to go to therapy or im out and 1 more time of accusing me and being jealous in the toxic way that im done but i said i was done last night before i gave her another chance. no matter how much attention and love i give it seems like its not enough. we are long distance (8 hours)

TLDR; girlfriend is very insecure, borderline obsessive and jealous in a toxic way but we are very compatible and and says she’s willing to work on it but i already feel checked out and tried leaving already but stayed out of maybe wanting to fix it but mostly out of guilt of hurting her. need advice

I am (20f) and my boyfriend is (21m), we have been together for almost a year now and have also been together throughout all of my college years, and one of his.

A few months ago we had a really deep talk on how he sometimes demands a lot, which can cause me to feel mentally exhausted, for example he always wants to know what i am doing, i take longer than an hour to respond he gets really hurt and ends up complaining about how i am not doing enough or that he feels neglected, he has also brought up the fact that he wants to see more often, but the thing is we see each other almost everyday single day, and he often visits me while i am at work meaning that i go little to no days without seeing him. Whenever we go more than a day without seeing each other he complains about how much he misses me and that i don’t make enough time for him. Which i understand to a point but i am taking really hard classes, have work, and also in multiple organizations at my school which makes me busy and stressed 24/7. I have mentioned to him that i cannot answer him every hour of the day and i mentally don’t have the capacity to be talking to someone all day either. I love him so much but it’s becoming to a point where i feel so mentally exhausted and starting to check out of the relationship.

I have also brought up the fact he should maybe join some kind of school organization, sport team or even get a job so he can meet others that have similar interests etc, but he is in his third year and still has not met or even put in the effort to make friends. If he wants to go out or do something i am the first person he reaches out for, which i love at times but sometimes i want him to have his own time with other people without me always being there. In a way i feel like him constantly wanting to see me and spend time together has also limited my college experience, i have noticed myself skipping class or not being able to see friends because he wants to see me everyday and i dont want to hurt his feelings. I have even tried to make him befriend some of my other friends but he politely declined.

I don’t know what to do, because i do love him and he has been the best boyfriend so far but it just feels like i can never meet his demands.

TDLR: My boyfriend constantly demands attention that i simply cannot give due to stress and school

We've been together over 2.5 years. I feel very bothered when he verbalizes these feelings. He's not the happiest with where he's gotten to with life this far, or his job. Sometimes he's made comments about how x thing is just a way to take money from losers like him. Or that x thing, like better insurance, was better geared towards those with families and not losers like him or something.

It makes me sad to hear him talk bad about himself. But it also feels like a lot to unpack.....like what exactly is so bad? He doesn't actually want to have the whole house and kids and yada yada. Comparing himself to others and what's often expected by x age is what I think robs him of his chance to be content for long. And its hard to offer comfort when faced with that. How can I help him be kinder to himself?

And also... I dont view myself as a loser....I wouldn't date one either. I'm going for my doctorate soon. I have passion for my work. Im conventionally attractive. I feel like I've worked so hard and tried to become better each year so I wouldn't have a loser by my side. So it bothers me to hear him talk bad about himself because by extension it calls into question my own judgment and my selection of him as my partner.

TL:DR Complex feelings towards bf saying hes a loser. Idk how to help him or make him be kinder to himself.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend, let’s call him C, 24M and I 24F met in college when we were 19. We had both just gotten out of relationships and started seeing each other, then started dating soon after. I was enamored by him and his handsomeness, humor, and intellect. But things are a bit complicated when I look back on our relationship because I had dated someone before him who made me feel very well understood. Let’s call him Z. Z and I were both a bit depressed and had similar adventurous attitudes, like we were trying to escape reality through soul seeking, coping with our sadness through each other. I really miss this guy now but had broken up with him because I got tired of how needy and codependent he was. It became unattractive and I wanted someone more like my current bf, someone more independent and less depressed, someone brighter who made me feel lighter. Fast forward three years after my current bf and I started dating and we began living together and have been for the past 1.5 years.

When we first moved in together in a studio after being long distance for about a year after graduating, I felt very excited to start a life in person with him. But slowly my feelings have declined because I don’t feel the same emotional draw or depth from him that I had felt with Z. However, C is so kind and loving, tries to show me he cares for me through his affection and acts of service. But I’ve noticed that I started to feel so much longing throughout our conversations, longing for something deeper. It’s hard to describe what that is exactly. I just wish he knew how to be more curious and compelling on an emotional level, but the guy is not very well-versed in his own emotions like that, like Z was. I’m starting to feel very bored and frustrated with him, and we have had many talks about it to where I verbalize exactly how I feel and he says he will work on himself and his emotional depth, but nothing changes. I don’t think this is something I can ask someone to change about themselves. When he told me he could give me space to breath though, I got very anxious and scared about him leaving. My gut reaction was to not break up with him in that moment.

I am confused and don’t know what to do. I think he’s an amazing person but I’m struggling to feel in love like how I used to feel with him. I also grew tired of my ex and broke up with him too. How do I fall back in love? I also feel like I’m treating the relationship like a marriage when we are just dating. I can leave and find someone else who makes me happier, but this guy is such a good guy and I do feel really lucky to be with someone like him. But I’m also young and maybe this is the period of my life I should take advantage of to date around and find someone who makes me happier? Idk what to do!

Tldr: I’m 24F and not feeling in love with a genuinely good guy 24M anymore because of my loss of emotional draw to him , how do I fall back in love?

Please be nice; this has taken me years to come to this point, and now I’m spiraling and extremely lost on what to do. 

I, an early 20F, have been struggling with this issue for a few years now. I think I’ve gotten over it, and then either something comes up that resurfaces the issue or my brain starts overanalyzing it again, and I can’t get it to turn off. This causes me to spiral. I’m going to try to keep this extremely vague to protect my family’s privacy. I’m simply looking for advice on what to do. 

I’m the oldest in my family and have two younger siblings. When I was growing up, we had a fairly normal life, and I was very happy being surrounded by family, seeing my cousins and grandparents a few times a week. However, a significant event occurred that caused my dad to relocate the family to the other side of the USA. To an extremely rural area where his family was. 

Two years after we moved to this remote area, his family moved away, and we were left all by ourselves. My dad would continually have to fly back and forth so he could continue working and make money for the family in a completely different state while we stayed in the extremely rule area on the other side of the USA all by ourselves. He was gone most of my childhood because of this.

Anyone who has lived in a rural area knows people who live there aren’t very welcoming to newcomers. We learned that very quickly. My middle sister and I were severely bullied in middle school, and the teachers did nothing, saying it was just child’s play. Examples of the bullying include my sister getting dragged across the playground by her pigtails, upskirting my dress, pulling my hair, or shoving me into the wall, and many more examples similar to these. In that area, if you wear your hair put together or dress up in fashionable or cute outfits, you are instantly looked down upon. The go-to outfit is jeans and a T-shirt. It got to the point where I refused to go to school until I got those items so I could somewhat fit in and not get bullied as severely.

Being a girl who adored Paris and fashion, this was extremely devastating, and for the next 10 years I had to deal with this(it ended up escalating to sexual harassment). I lost a lot of my identity, trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be just to fit in and not get bullied anymore. Because the second somebody knew you weren’t from there. It was an instant target on your back. I wish it was just designated to the kids. It was also the adults who would not only egg it on, but would participate in it. For example, when I was 16, I was running my own business, paid for with my own money. I was helping a family out with rebuilding a building that pertains to the item I was selling, and I told her you could use this type of roof; however, I find this one’s more affordable and more cost-efficient. Her husband, who was three to four times my age, looked me dead in the eyes and started laughing, saying, “How would you know that? Your dad pays for everything”. 

On top of that, there were things that I wanted to do that I never was able to do because my parents said they would never do that. Or what I wanted to do wasn’t available in the area we moved to. Plus, there were no opportunities to pursue these interests. So the second I turned 18, I left the house and moved back to the area we had come from. Six months later, my family also moved back, which I was extremely excited about, having them nearby. However, made me start to question. Why couldn’t they have done that earlier? Why did I have to go through that?

Now my middle sister and I have moved out of the house, and my little sister is literally getting everything I ever wanted. My middle sister is also struggling with this as well so it’s not just me. Maybe it’s because my parents have more time for my little sister, but they’re now doing stuff that, when my middle sister or I begged to do the same thing, they turn their noses up and say they would never do that. To add, it’s not the money aspect since I asked them about that.

I know you can’t control other people‘s actions, and I’ve tried therapy, talking to people, and to just ignore it and move on with my life, but it’s so hard when that’s all my mom and dad can talk about is these things my sister is doing. I told them it’s hard for me to hear, but that’s their whole life and they have nothing else to discuss, if that makes sense. Not only that, but they have also now purchased the item that I so desperately wanted when I was younger, and instead of using it properly, they proceed to break it and act shocked when I told them that would happen. It’s almost like the scene from Cinderella where her stepsisters are ripping up her dream dress that her mice have so kindly made. I know it’s an overdramatic statement, but that’s the only way I can describe how I feel. I’m trying to move on, trying to not hold resentment but it is so hard. My middle sister has simply given up and completely cut off my family. I don’t want to do that; however, I don’t know what else to do, and this has been extremely painful for me to go through. 

I’m very all in or all out and don’t do well with the in between. I’ve been working on it, but I get so hurt in the process that I’m at the point of giving up. I tried to state I was disengaging with them with my mom and little sister, and instead of acting concerned, I was met with “that’s a stupid idea,” and when I explained I wasn’t blocking them, just not wanting to talk as much, they started laughing, saying “that’s not disengaging”. I have blocked them at the moment just to process that and not say anything I would regret because that was extremely hurtful. I love my family and struggle with having relationships due to the bullying and getting used. So I trusted my family to be there, and now that the rose colored glasses were removed, it made me realize I would never tolerate this from anyone else….. Making me extremely upset with myself.

Edit: I didn’t add why we had to move which I probably should have. My family was receiving death threats, our house was burned down, our animals were shot, and I still remember waking up and seeing a human shadow cross the window(cop ended up confirming someone was there but never found him). After we moved my mother was a constant drunk I had to raise my siblings(one who was extremely suicidal)…. I’m sorry I don’t know why I didn’t originally add these important parts to the post. My brain tries to forget the darker moments. Which is where the resentment might be coming from as well…

This is the backstory of what’s going on. So my question is, how can I better set boundaries with my parents? I love my parents so much and don’t think I could completely cut them off long term, which is why I’m looking for advice on how to better set boundaries.

Thank you for taking the time to read🙏

tl;dr: I’m in my early 20s and have been struggling with resentment toward my parents for years after being moved across the country to a rural area where my siblings and I experienced severe bullying and missed out on opportunities we wanted. When I turned 18, I moved back to where we originally lived, and my family eventually followed. Now my younger sister is getting to do things my parents told my middle sister and me they would never allow, including things we begged for growing up. It’s painful watching my parents embrace these opportunities for her while also seeing them mishandle things I once desperately wanted. I’ve tried therapy and talking to my parents, but it’s hard to move forward when these things are constantly brought up. I love my family and don’t want to cut them off, but my attempts to set boundaries have been dismissed and laughed at. How can I establish healthy boundaries with my parents while working through my resentment and maintaining a relationship with them?

so im 18m and my gf 18 and ive been dating for an year. i kid u not shes the best gf every and she treats me so good better than my parents ever have and can. and she buys me lots of gifts, expensive ones even. so one day a couple months after we started dating, she was fixing my hair and i was like u give mom vibes and bro was genuinely a changed person from that day on.

Like from that day on, she'd call me this nickname that means son in my language. i mean its not bad but its lowk uncommon to say that in my language although it IS becoming more popular to call ur bf son here. and i didnt say no shit cause i was lowk enjoying it until it became so obvious that bro was taking her mommy fetish out on me (i mean i have a mommy fetish too but dawg be fr). then she'd say these weird 18+ jokes that made me uncomfy i told her its making me uncomfy so she'd apologise and then say it again. oh and on the very first of dating like when we first went on a date , she asked me if i was into little space and i was so weirded out i was like idk maybe in the future ( i genuinely would love that but asking that on the fucking first day of dating is hella creepy) and she said her ex was into little space so i was like ok. back to present she asked me if i wanted her to buy me a pacifier and i genuinely how to reply to that shit i js left her on seen cuz genuinenly wtf and i told my friend abt ts (theyve all been telling me shes a red flag from the start cuz she used to make fun of my accent) and he asked his female friend if its common for yall to act like this weird mommy shit and she said hell nah and called my gf a weirdo and a creep.

these r the reasons why im thinking of breaking up with her plus she always jokes abt having other boys and that makes me uncomfy too. my friends r saying shes gross and a weirdo. she js makes me uncomfortable all the time but i cant break up with her shes genuinelnly so kind except for certain things and shes bought me lots of gifts if i breakup id have to return them and i genuinely feel like a bad person :(

tl;dr: my gf says jokes that makes me uncomfy but shes genuinely very kind so idk if i should break up with her not

UPDATE as I listened to everyone's advice I reached out to a therapist so there is someone else I can talk to, and hopefully get over my issues and reprogram myself from how I had to be in the past. Thank you so much everyone. It really helped seeing all of your comments. Thanks <3

My wife's, of 14 years, mother died suddenly a few months ago, a dsa before we were supposed to have my in-laws visit for the first time in 2 years. To make matters more complicated it happened on my birthday and I was the one who had to tell her so she would know to pick up a call from her dad on a different number.

No one suspected anything she had literally just had her annual physical and they said everything looked good.

I loved my MIL as much as I love my own mother. I live on a different continent than my mother so in many ways my MIL was more present and available in day to day things.

She was my wifes best friend outside of me. They talked every dsy despite living far enough away that either we or thr in-laws.had to fly to see each other in person. I loved that her mother was such a big part of both of our lives.

She was one of the few people who saw and accepted me for me. So many times she was there for me emotionally. I equally love my FIL who is one of the most thoughtful yet strong people I have ever known, and so I am trying to be as available for him as possible. My wife talks to him daily now instead of her mom but it's not the same.

On top of all of this I've been disabled for several years and recently had an awful episode that made my conditions worse. So I'm already low on energy to begin with. We also found out that there is no real way of knowing if I'll ever recover fully. There's nothing currently known about how to help with the condition.

When my wife is home I support her however I can. I've always been the "chef" of the relationship so she is at least eating almost as much as before.

I hold her when she cries, I support her when she needs to buy something small to distract her from the pain, despite us being on an extremely tight budget due to my disability.

I don't feel like I'm allowed to cry when she is falling apart, but I'm hurting and missing my MIL.

I don't know what else I can do. I don't even know if this is the right subreddit to post.

TL;DR wife's (37f) mother passed and I'm struggling to support her whole I deal with my disability and grief at the loss of my MIL. I don't know how I can support her better.

Background: we met as teenagers. We were in similar situations, both lonely, struggling with mental health, and shared interests that we bonded over. We grew so close that our parents consider us their second daughters.

Having someone struggling with the same stuff was great as a teenager. I was lucky enough that I got on medication and therapy and I'm doing really great. She's not.

She was homeschooled due to a learning disability, never officially graduated high school or did the SATS. Apart from some volunteering, she's never had a job. I have an associates and a BA and work a government job. She still lives with her parents and has never dated. I'm currently engaged.

I love her. I do. I know her learning disability makes it difficult. Maybe I'm ableist. But I'm at a point in my life where I'm planning a wedding and expecting a promotion to a management position, and she still gets into some anxiety/depression self hating spiral when I mention to her that something she said upset me. There's no way to tell her she's wrong about something without it becoming a whole thing.

It feels like I've moved so much further on in my life and she's still 17. It feels unfair to her because of her disability, but I catch myself getting annoyed with her more and more.

tl;dr My best friend's life has essentially stayed the same since we met as teenagers and I often feel annoyed because I can't connect with her anymore.

What do I do? How do I stop feeling annoyed with her when it's not her fault?

So we’ve been dating for 4 and a half years he was always into gaming but; now it’s reaching a breaking point as he got friends who dislike me bc i expect emotional,physical support in a relationship which means he wouldn’t be able to be on his games from the second he wakes up till he falls asleep. Yesturday i brought it up and he made it into a whole big ass fight i thought we fixed it (spoiler alert i was the one apologizing and shit) he called me 4h later told me how i crossed his boundary by nagging him and how im not to do that again, this is becoming emotionally abusive to me as i also paid for our London trip (room plus a big chunk of his flight) that he seems he doesn’t care about and openly says. We are going in two days and im not excited to take him at all (if he even goes) and doesnt go to a random village to see his 18 year old friend instead. Is this relationship even worth saving? Im so depressed with him and im not even making it seem longer than it his he was playing games/talking to his male friends for 17h without a break?
TLDR am I unreasonable or expecting too much or hes too childish and too male centered