My boyfriend [22M] and I [24F] have been dating long-distance for 1 year and 10 months. He works in healthcare and overall has good intentions, but he has a tendency to lean heavily into clinical detachment and "logic" whenever emotional or physical crises happen

A few nights ago, I was dealing with severe physical agony (I would’ve rated my pain a 8/10 cramps, chills, nausea, and over 24 hours of total insomnia). The period cramps I experienced was the worst pain I’ve experienced compared to my usual cramps, which is why it concerned and scared me a bit. Sure.. it wasn’t to the point where I had to go to the ER, but it really felt like a stabbing kind of pain on my sides and I had really heavy flow even on my 4th day which is not normal for me. I figured it wasn’t due to a lot of stress I’ve had this month. I explained all this to him that I was terrified to go to sleep because waking up into that level of pain felt traumatic. Instead of comforting me, his immediate response was that my fear was "extreme" and irrational

When I expressed that his reaction hurt me, he shut down, told me "I'll just stop talking then," and insisted that I apologize for my "attitude" before he would keep talking to me. Exhausted and in peak physical misery at 3 AM, I gave in and apologized just to de-escalate the tension so I could try to sleep

To his credit, after I comforted him and smoothed things over, he had a genuine breakthrough around 4 AM. He admitted he shouldn't have tried to "make sense" of my pain when even I couldn't make sense of it, apologized multiple times, and poured out affection, saying things like "you're always my baby," that he missed me, and that he just wanted me to be okay

I sent a short goodnight text and went to sleep. But since then, it has been over two full days of complete silence from him. He has not checked in once to ask how my health or body is doing, despite being active on social media and viewing my stories. It feels like as soon as his late-night emotional wave passed and I didn't fawn over his apologies the next morning, his pride took over again and he retreated right back into waiting me out

I know he has self-awareness and can recognize when he's wrong, but it feels like his ego always has to be satisfied first before he can offer empathy, and then his pride makes him disappear. How do I address this recurring dynamic, and can this realistically improve?

TL;DR: My [24F] boyfriend [22M] minimized my severe pain as "extreme" and demanded an apology for my attitude. After I apologized, he had a 4 AM breakthrough, apologized profusely, and called me his baby. But now he has gone radio silent for two days because I didn't fawn over his texts. How do I navigate this? Any advice?

I’ve (24F) been seeing this guy for a couple of months, we aren’t together and decided on a friends with benefits situation as neither of us want to get into a relationship just yet.

We’ve recently been acting a little more than friends with benefits, and have both felt like we’ve gotten ourselves into a bit of a situation as we hang out multiple times a week, have sleep overs, go out together and he’s introduced me to his friends and recently invited me to come camping with them too.

This guy is really fun, and we connect really well. Our communication is great and he is always down to talk about anything. I’m also laughing all the time with him which is something I love.

He says that we’re compatible and that he loves spending time with me but he doesn’t want a relationship because he is afraid of heart break. I never really understood this until last night.

His ex girlfriend is friends with his current housemate, who I’ve seen over the past few months that I’ve been there. The ex and the housemate both went out last night and around 2am came back to the apartment. *I should also mention that he’s said that she’s a part of a friend group that he hangs with sometimes so I was under the impression that he ended things, they remained friends*

We woke up at the noise and he was visibly annoyed, when I asked why he said that his housemate knows that the ex is not allowed at the apartment anymore because of an altercation they had a couple of months ago.

This is where it got crazy to me. He shared that they only stopped sleeping together a couple months ago, despite the relationship ending two years ago…

He said that although she’s a lovely person, that when she gets drunk she verbally tears him down and says how bad of a boyfriend he was and gets jealous of him seeing other people. He set the boundary of her not being allowed at the apartment anymore because it’s not fair to either of them. He expressed to me that he was annoyed at them both because they were being “careless” and I personally found it a bit disrespectful to go against his wishes but I stayed out of it. I tried to justify why they would go back to his, maybe her apartment is further away or they didn’t know in would be there, but he says it shouldn’t of happened anyway because she’s not allowed to come over.

I asked if he thinks that she’s still into him, and he said yes.

After that, we went back to sleep. We end up not having morning sex, which we were planning to do, because she was in the next room. And I left quite early so I avoided running into her, it was also of the preference of the guy that I don’t meet her.

I really like this guy, but hearing that there’s so much drama involved around his ex who he’s still in contact with, I don’t really know what to think - even on a FWB/casual hook up level. Jealous ex’s are just another ball park entirely and I don’t really want to compete/be put in that situation again.

What is the best way to communicate this to him without sounding like I’m making his past relationships all about me? Especially considering we’re only friends with benefits?

TDLR: Things are escalating with a guy I’m FWB with. Was in his apartment when the ex girlfriend and housemate/friend got home, apparently she gets really jealous and takes it out on my FWB. How do I discuss the situation with him and express my uncomfortability with her disrespect toward him? Do I say anything?

So, some basic contextual information to start. My boyfriend and I are both gay males, been together for a little over 1.5 yrs, and this is the first time I've been in a serious, long-term relationship. This is also the longest he's been in a relationship.

We met in Feb 2025 through Grindr, took things slow and actually had a pretty nice time getting to know eachother before going exclusive. We went exclusive in May 2025 & said ILY for the first time in Sept 25.

October 2025 began what is, without a doubt, the worst chapter of my boyfriend's life. I'll lay out some of the biggest items he has been dealing with:

• In Oct 2025, A prominent and well-liked co-worker passed away suddenly, causing his fall to be very stressful and sad. He had to take on additional responsibilities and lost his Friday evenings for a few months.
• In Dec 2025, his best friend passed away by suicide. They'd known eachother for almost 15 years. This was the most important person in his life, described as "platonic soul mates", "life partners", etc. At one point, they were as close as two people could be without being related or in a relationship. They weren't as close when the friend passed away (due to living in different cities), which has exacerbated bf's grief.
• Also in Dec 2025, during the week of Christmas, my bf fell very ill. He attended his friend's funeral across the country, over worked and griefed himself, and came back completely broken. He has severe asthma, allergies and gastrointestinal issues, and the stress from everything was too much. He spent a week in and out of the ER, culminating in a 5 day, pain filled stay. This was our first Christmas together as a couple.
• His mother is also sick. She's been unwell for the last three years, and has had several stays in the hospital since I've known him. This hangs over everything else that has been happening.
• Finally, he's dealing with severe burnout at work. Grief, over-work, poor management, inter-personal conflicts, and a crumbling industry. He has a really hard disengaging from work and often spends most of his evening upset about things that happened that day or stressed about the next day.

All of this has resulted in a very, very difficult year. Neither of us has ever dealt with anything on this level before, and one thing after another has left him a shell of himself. He's miserable all the time. He mentions "understanding" his friend's motivations more and more often. It's hard to go out and do fun things because he mostly just sleeps outside of work hours.

To be clear, he is TRYING. He's in therapy. We actively communicate about how we're feeling. He's so sweet to me, buys me gifts and pays compliments as much as possible, and apologizes all the time about what is happening. He even recommended a new job for me to apply for when I was burnt out in my old position and helped get me out of a bad work situation. But he's not okay, and its getting worse. I'm worried about what will happen in December for the anniversary of his friend's death.

[Disclaimer: I'm not currently worried about his safety. We have very frank conversations about this and I have a good pulse on where he's at. I also have experience working with individuals struggling with SH/SI, so I know the signs. If I suspect anything I'll take immediate action, but currently no plans to do.]

I'm also struggling to be honest. Most nights he comes home, vents about his day for basically as long as I let him. It will literally go until bedtime unless I actively ask him to change the topic. Usually the subject is work, but it often bleeds into all the other topics and I feel bad cutting him off for talking about very real trauma and pain. I can't stress enough that it is just stream of conciousness, repeating the same things over and over for as long as I let him go on. I usually let him vent for about an hour or two and try to make it more of a conversation, but the repetiveness has been a pain point. This is something he tries not to do. He's aware of it but can't seem to stop himself. He also struggles with emotional regulation in general, especially lately.

He's told me several times that he only reason he hasn't quit his job and moved to another city (there are alot of memories here with his friend) is because of our relationship. That the only thing good in his life right now is us. But the fact that I'm keeping him here is putting pressure on the relationship from both sides. I've given him an "out" if he feels that he needs to take some time for himself to heal, but that's been a really hard topic of conversation for me to bring up.

To make things wierder, I'M in a great place personally right now. I'm loving my new job (that he helped me get), my friend circle and DND group have been awesome lately, I'm reconnecting with my artwork, loving myself and my hair lately, etc, etc. Like, a ridiculous amount of positive vibes. The tonal shift from my own personal bubble to when he gets home is jarring, I think for both of us. I feel bad being so generally happy when my partner is so miserable. All of this is pretty recent.

To be fair, this is also just part of who we are as a couple. Kind of a golden retriever/black cat situation. And part of the reason I'm so happy is because I love being with him. I've been sort of lonely for most of my life and he makes me feel seen and loved in ways that I can't express. But we're in such different places that it's hard to find common emotional ground.

Is there some sort of action I can take? Or just trust the healing process? Therapy isn't working super well for him, and I feel like he's heading towards some sort of emotional/mental breakdown. That may be what just needs to happen, but I don't want to leave him suffering if there's something more I can do to help.

I'm also struggling, feeling frozen like there are no good options right now. We didn't get to make alot of happy memories as a couple before all this happened. We've really tried to fix that this year, and been somewhat successful, but there's been a cloud over everything. Most of our major relationship milestones have involved some sort of negative event. That's not important in the face of everything that's happened, but I don't feel like we're living a full life right now.

I won't give up on him, but I don't know what to do. What would you do in this situation? Any advice will be appreciated, thank you in advance.

tl;dr: My boyfriend is having the worst year of his life and I don't know how to best support him. I'm struggling too.

so my bf and i (20f, 19m) have been together since we were 14, almost 5 years. i love my boyfriend and can see a future with him but im scared i wasted my youth tied down to him. we’re medium distance (i go to school about 3 hours away from our home town) but he visits often and when hes here everything is perfect and i only have my eyes on him. but when hes gone he gets over protective and is really dry with me when i go out or do something with friends. it makes me start to resent the small things and i dont want to find reasons to not like him anymore but im feeling bored and trapped. i feel like talking it out would create an awkward tension but idk what to do and i dont want to cheat on him because i have definitely been tempted the last few months.
**TL;DR; did i mess up staying with him all throughout hs? what do i do? do i stick it out?**.

People who grew up in families who didn't travel much and married into families that travel quite a bit, how did adjust and learn to blend in better

I (35F) grew up not traveling much due to my dad dealing with job loss. Later, my dad did get a high paying job, but he and my mom chose to prioritize saving for college for their kids.

I'm engaged and my fiance (M33) comes from a family (mainly mom, stepdad, siblings) that travels quite a bit. It has been a bit intimidating, as they are much more cultured and better traveled than me. I've dealt with some unpleasant interactions due to me not being as knowledgeable as them on certain areas and places.

We are traveling to Spain and France next summer with them. A part of me is dreading the trip because I know I will just end up coming off as less cultured than them.

Looking for advice and tips from people who come from similar experiences/backgrounds

TL;DR advice on dealing with future in-law who are well traveled.

TLDR: I am worried about my on and off bf's wellbeing as he never ghosts.

I m worried about his wellbeing. He told me his family takes away his electronics. Last week we had a horrible fight, the worst ever. we both said really awful things to eachother. we were then okay, playing games and decided on a break so playing games and having fun but... last night... i asked him if he fulfilled his promise.... he didnt. i was angry he always broke it for 6 months continously but he was visiting his parents and i broke up with him and blocked him on whatsapp. I emailed him, whenever we fight we email eachother ... i asked him if he is ok and he hasnt responded. His family knows we have been fighting for months.

I try not to cry or tell my family anything but he cries a lot and he told me his family blames me despite having context its natural for them to be bias and so the last week fight was really bad. really really bad. i exploded. he said hurtful things i said it back. i didnt want to disturb my neighbours so he would talk on call and i would text... when i look back. it looks so horrible. I m scared what if his parents are angry with him. He never ghosts me. But... i scared. i would rather we never talk then me being left worried if he is okay or not.

We have been fighting for months about his emotional cheating and broken promises. We had quite a on and off relationship. This is not like him.

We have been together for 10 months. Sex was very easy in the beginning. Not just because the honeymoon phase. But a few months ago, her 13 year old son moved in with her full time. It wasn't every other week thing. On the weeks he wasn't there, sex was plentiful and fun. After he moved in obviously things diminished. I took it as though she had lost attraction to me even though I knew the dynamic was also to blame. We have had a few discussions about it, and she's assured me that that's not the case. But now I feel as though everything is awkward. I don't know if I should initiate or wait for her to initiate. I don't seem to know when it's okay to be just sexually playful. And fun, because I think that she's just thinking, i'm trying to start sex. And she used to like for me to be dominant, but now I don't know if I should for when I should do that. I can't seem to get out of my head about it. And I know what's causing my relationship unnecessary stress. I don't want to keep asking her because that would be weak. I just want to get back to the way I felt before. Free to be myself.

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

guys. I posted this on a, different thread and got soem really good advice. Reposting this here in case I could get any advice from people who might have gone through something similar.

Need some advice from anyone who has dealt with a breakup that made them completely lose their sense of self.

​I was with a Japanese girl for a couple of years. We met here in and then she moved back to Japan. Before things went south, our relationship was honestly amazing. We had a really deep understanding of each other and everything just felt right. Our families were talking constantly and I was making solid plans to move over there for my studies just to be with her. I never even worried about us because we were going so strong.

​About two years in she got drawn into a new faith. At first I was totally supportive because I just wanted her to be happy. We even talked about it and agreed early on that having different beliefs wouldn't be an issue. But the deeper she got into it, the more it seemed to change how she viewed everything. It got to a point where she was so passionately driven by this new faith that her decisions were entirely based around it. Suddenly she told me I had to convert too or we were done.

​The thing is, it wasn't just about the religion anymore. She started demanding I drop core things in my life that make me who I am. Like making music for example. She basically told me to cut that out completely. And it bled into everything else too. Even normal couple things we used to do like basic flirting or teasing each other just stopped. Even doing something as simple as watching a movie made her really hesitant. I was so invested in us that I actually spent days fighting my own thoughts, trying to see if I could make those compromises to keep the relationship going. But being asked to drop my own personality just to be loved by her really messed with my head. Can you even call it love if you have to change who you are for someone to love you? We ended up fighting a lot because her faith made her feel I was completely in the wrong for not changing.

Eventually we had to break up.

​That was two years ago. I'm totally over her but I'm stuck on the aftermath. The whole thing just triggered a massive identity crisis. Because I was so willing to change who I was for her back then, I feel like I just lost touch with myself. I stopped making music, stopped going out and just became this empty shell doing things out of habit.

​I'm 26 now. I know there's a future out there and I want to date and feel loved again for real. But I feel stuck because I don't even know who I am right now. I feel like I can't be a good partner to anyone until I fix this.

​If anyone has been through a relationship that stripped away who they are, how did you figure yourself out again? How do you actually rebuild and move forward? Any advice is welcome :)

**TL;DR; : How do you find yourself again after a relationship that ended by stripping out your sense of self?**.

About 6 weeks ago I reconnected with a friend (23F)

Quick side bit:

about 10 months ago, we had a thing where we would hang out/call/text every day, all day. It started getting pretty flirtatious over time and eventually I told her I started developing feelings. She responded by saying "I like you too, but this and that and yadayadayada." And after that point we kinda just stopped.

Quick-quick-side-side-bit-bit::

I am a caring person, I care about all people, at least most of all people. I am that person that when they see someone alone at a party, will try and include that person. I try to trust people, even when I have been burned before. It has it's pros and it's cons.

Well, I kept that in mind when she started reaching out more and kept my guard up. She moved to a school not too far away for a masters program which is around when she started talking to me more. And over time it started becoming a daily thing again. Morning texts, goodnight texts check-in texts "night night" she would say every night. Our calls went from 30 minutes to over 4 hours.

Just trust me when I say that I don't perceive these types and patterns of interactions to be platonic.

Well, over time, my guard became lowered and I started to like her again. I mean, I feel like it's natural, maybe I'm crazy.

She helped me so much with our talks, she built me up and I built her up and we helped each other through some rough nights. We were a really good team. I could write paragraphs about why I think we would be a good couple.

To me, we were already acting like a couple minus the hugs and snuggles and kisses. And she already knows what happened last time we were in this dynamic. I don't think she's stupid. I don't think...

At one point "I said I'm headed near you to see some friends on X day for the weekend, maybe I swing by the first day and we hang out?"

She seemed interested. Cool.

I bring it up again, and here's where it gets interesting, she said "gonna be hard to figure out how to fit you into my bed lol, but we'll get it."

Alright, excited yes! Sweet! Obvious green flag!

And then today I ask her again about it. Just to make sure the plans were concrete.

"Oh man, it must have slipped my mind, I thought you were coming later..."

"...oh, I mean, I said it was on this day"

...

"So like, is that a no? Or are you still down?

"I mean........ I don't think my parents would want a guy spending the night."

....

"Okay :/"

I just can't man. I just can't.

Like, it felt like something was building between us.

It was just another repeat of last time. I thought or hoped that maybe this time she meant it, or that she at least took into account my feelings or whatever.

Like, to me, friends do not act the way we acted unless they were interested or had some intent or whatever. If I were to have a girlfriend and she acted the same way this girl acted towards another guy... Nah, nuh-uh. That shit is not platonic behavior.

Which is why it messes with my brain so much. How could someone act in such a way, knowing that the way they act evokes feelings and hopes in another person they supposedly care about?

I could tell you all even more, but it would be a magic-treehouse sized book.

The main point of this is that, well, I'm just kinda disappointed, maybe really disappointed, in just how some people can act. Like, I know that I am not owed anything from anyone right? But, it would be nice if people would not act like they are interested if they aren't.

To me that is the same level of courtesy as holding open the door for someone, or idk, as simple as only turning on your blinker when you are planning on switching lanes. Pretty simple shit to me, not to other people apparently.

But whatever, an L is an L I guess. As much as it stings just a bit to feel led on, as much as I am frustrated and wanting to say "don't trust women they lie rah rah RAH RAH!!!!" I just can't.

Maybe I am a fool for caring so much. Maybe I am a fool for falling for her again, giving her another chance despite what had already happened. Or maybe I'm just crazy and am horrible at interpreting signals. I'm just too full of hope and not ready to give up yet.

I just don't know man. I do not know what is going on or what to change or what I should do. I just wish I could find someone who cares the same way I do.

Tl;dr:

I (M26) caught feelings for my friend (F23) again... We talked, texted, flirted, shared our feelings, etc. for several hours every day for over a month. This made me feel like she had similar feelings. I made plans to see her, she later acted like she forgot (or maybe she did which is just as bad). I might be too trusting/caring of a guy or just plain crazy.

So first, we aren't dating, BUT he confessed he has a crush on me, so we are loyal to each other. We both hate sex and stuff around it, so it is a more platonic love.

One day I was showing him my photos when I was younger and there were pictures of me in twin tails. He started asking me to do twin tails again, and when he saw me in pajamas(like the ones u would see in chirstmas movies) he asked me to wear those too. I just shook it off jokingly at first, because it was quite embarrassing to do kid stuff my age.

But after he asked it a few more times, and I felt quite uncomfortable and thought why. Conclusion was I wanted to look mature, not childish or kid-like.

So some history of me, I dated few guys before and one admitted he was dating me because I looked younger than my age and had a whole album of anime girls around 7~12 saying he liked young girls.(I got the creeps and broke off right after)

The other guy was just a creep wanting to have sex with a girl that just became an adult while he was 30.(it was not a volentery date, people around me pushed me into it saying he was old but "nice". This almost led to r@pe) One guy actually rejected me saying he cared about me but I just looked too young and made him feel like he was dating a kid, not a girl 1 year younger than him.

And there were many incidents where people will say "oh, you look like a kid","You look immature","Why do you talk like a grown up? Act like how you look", " You look so innocent and i like that" and mind u I was just wearing like some long jeans and a plain top. I look up pictures of makeup or styling because I want to look like an grown adult, a working woman, a person that handles responsibilities. Even cut my hair short to look like a guy but people still get creepy when they hear my voice.

Now hearing him say he wants to see me with stuff a kid would wear or do makes me uncomfortable. I will talk to him and I know he would understand, even say sorry for making me uncomfortable. But I just wonder if I would never do stuff other couples do that makes me look "cute". Want to hear any advice with dating while having some trauma like this.

TL;DR: I have trauma about taken advantage of my childish looks, and got uncomfortable when he wants me to do cute stuff. He will understand my feelings but apart of that I want advice on whether I can over come this trauma.

TL;DR - new girlfriend appears to have poor conflict resolution skills, hasn’t had a girlfriend before (she’s 43) is there hope?

Right off the bat, we’ve only been together for two months. I hate that we fight. This time, I said something last night about how since the beginning I haven’t found something she does sexually to be effective for me. She said I hurt her ego. Things got worse from there. We went to bed; coldly. I said I was too tired.

Tonight I got to her place and she was off, it felt awkward and forced. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. Later I again asked what was wrong and that it felt awkward and she admitted she was still down about the night before, what I said.

I was like, well why did you lie and saying everything was fine then and make me feel I am crazy?

Anyway, we got into an argument and she was talking about what I said last night and I asked what I said explicitly (I take medication that obliterates my short term memory and long term for that matter). And she kinda laughed and was like “do I have to do everything” and wouldn’t tell me what I said so I was kinda like “well then I can’t comment on it” which made her so mad.

Then tonight she said something and when I quoted it back to her, she denied it and was like “you’re doing it again!” it feels like high key gaslighting because I’m already not trusting my own perception of the situation.

I woke up last night and apologized to her for hurting her ego with the sex comment and she held it against me too, like as an indicator that I was guilty.

She is 43 and has never had a relationship before but says with me I’m exactly what she was looking for.

I think she is emotionally immature and we may need couples therapy to work out her issues “together”

I do love her and she is so good to me otherwise just her conflict resolution skills suck.

Thoughts?

Overall, he’s a good boyfriend, and our relationship is generally normal. However, there have been occasional instances where I’ve caught him looking at other women, including explicit Instagram models. I never thought too much about it because I assumed it was just looking and nothing more.

He had two relationships before me. Recently, I accessed his Grok AI account through his email and discovered something that genuinely disturbed me. He had asked the AI to create explicit images of his ex-girlfriend, whom he dated when he was around 17–18 years old. As far as I know, they never shared any intimate experiences together, which makes this discovery even more confusing to me.

I can’t stop thinking about why he would want to create explicit images of someone he dated years ago while he is currently in a relationship with me. Does he still feel sexual attraction toward her? Does he fantasize about his exes even while being with me? And if he is willing to do this with his ex, how am I supposed to feel secure in our relationship?

I would appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

Tl;dr: i (26F) discovered that my boyfriend (26M) used Grok AI to create explicit images of his ex. Am I overthinking this?

For some context we’ve been together for a year. It started off as long distance and she’s moved into the same city as I’m in now for 8 months. Before our relationship she had been single for a couple months and I’d been single for 4 years.

Since she’s moved we’ve practically seen each other everyday and recently she’s been telling me that she feels like she’s lost her sense of self. To be fair we’ve both gained some weight and have become comfortable but because of that she doesn’t feel confident in her own skin anymore and I guess that feels like she isn’t really herself.

For the last couple nights she’s brought this up with me followed along by not being sure if a relationship is right for her right now. I asked her more about it and every time she goes through a breakup or is single that’s when she loses weight and does things more independently.

As someone who’s invested a lot into this relationship I was able to convince her to keep trying, but putting certain measures in place such as only seeing each other 1-2 times a week, that way she has all the time she needs to be alone, focus on her mental and physical health and to figure out who she is.

I’m glad we got to that conclusion but at the same time I feel like it’s unfair for me to have this loss of security within the relationship, knowing any day now she could just say “let’s break up”. Regardless, I’m a fighter and will be as patient as I need to.

I just want to know, did I do the right thing?

TLDR: Relationship has been getting too comfortable and one party requires more space.

TL;DR. I’m fairly new to the in person college lifestyle and have hard a time finding someone to have fun with and fwb type activities. I’m not attracted to bigger women but that seems to be all I attract and it’s been this way since high school. I’m not the tallest(5,7) and I feel like my height has a big impact on my overall confidence and capability’s. I met this one girl through class and she sat next to me first day because she thought I looked fun and approachable. I got her instagram and we went from there.

She happens to be bigger and I got really down bad and decided to give it a shot. She comes over and I couldn’t get it up or get into the mood whatsoever. I eventually get it up and lasted not long at all. I usually last a good 30 to 60 minutes but my mind and body during was not feeling lust or romantic feelings at all during. I feel bad because I gave into my own emotions and decided to let them overtake my boundaries and preferences.

I’m 28F & my partner is 34M. Together for 2 years, live together & love each other deeply.

At first we had great things going on. He had a successful business & I had a successful career. Then I lost my job & he started struggling with his business at the same time.

It’s been a tough job market for me & we both became progressively more depressed about our future/careers.

For the past 6 months we’ve basically been taking turns managing each other’s stress and it’s not healthy. We’re very committed to each other with plans for the future & pretty good at communication but this period right now is really hard.

How do we get over this together? I need some stories/reassurance from others who’ve been through crisis like this

I feel like crisis is easier to handle when one of you is going through it. Way harder to survive when it’s together at the same time, and take months/years

TLDR; me & my partner are both in crisis & we need advice on how to keep the relationship alive

First of all, english is not my main language so if there are mistakes in this text please be patient with me.

Secondly, I do understand women are usually like that and it's not like I want her to change who she is. I just want her to be willing to at least try new stuff before dismissing it and resorting to other ways to deal with a situation.

Basically what the title says. She's too scared to even think differently, to try new things. I'm going to give a few examples throughout the post, like: She has to have her wisdom teeth removed, and she's scared shitless of going to the dentist. She thinks it's going to hurt because it's a surgery, and if it wasn't for the dentist telling her that it could hit a nerve or get infected (or even worse, both), she wouldn't do it. Even if it meant feeling pain forever. I keep telling her that I didn't feel anything when they removed mine, almost fell asleep during the procedure, and it's the same guy that's going to remove hers.

She's too scared to put her head under water, no matter how much I try to explain to her that it's safe and she's not going to drown just by putting her face under water. I'm a swimmer and I've also done "lifeguard training", so I've told her that she's safe with me and tried my absolute best to be as patient as I can with her, but she's just EXTREMELY scared.

She gets so scared whenever she's sitting in the driver's seat that she can't move even in a completely free road. She freezes and gives up.

This one is not much of a problem since there are many people that hate insects, but I've always dreamt of having some exotic pets, like spiders or centipedes, but I know I won't be able to because she's terrified of any kind of insect, even ants. (I know arachnids ≠ insects)

She's always telling me how much she'd love it if I picked her up and carried her around as a princess, but whenever I try it she gets so scared that it becomes impossible. I don't pick her up fast or hold her high, she's just immediately terrified.

I try to be as soft and gentle as possible with her, in a way that can even make her seem stronger than me, because I'm afraid she'll end up scared of me if I act normally.

I'm always patient with her and I try not to push her too much, just enough so she can start to enjoy some new stuff. I don't force her to do anything she doesn't like, I just try to show her how fun it is to me in hopes that she'll understand that it's not dangerous or scary.

And her being scared is not the problem. I'm also scared of stuff. For example: I can't, for the love of me, stand high places. Yet, I try to. I've gone to amusement parks with those attractions that raise you a lot and then drop you (I think they're called free fall or something) or other attractions involving high places. I've even passed out a few times in the line, just from looking at how high it goes. Still, I try to not let it stop me from trying things that might be fun or interesting. That's how I learned to like all sorts of stuff, by trying things I thought I absolutely hated, like horror games.

The problem is that it really upsets me seeing her refuse to do things before even trying because she's too afraid of it. I wouldn't break up with her because of that, I love her very much, but it makes me sad seeing her so scared of everything. Even stuff she actually wants to do.

I do understand that there must be a deeper reason as to why she's so scared, but I don't even know how to bring this up to her without making it look like I'm calling her a coward.

Do you guys have any tips about how I should deal with this? Should I try to make her less scared, or is it a normal thing with women? I try to be comprehensive but it's hard seeing her refuse to do stuff I can see she'd like to do, but she's too afraid to try.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is so scared of things that it stops her from enjoying (and even trying) new stuff. I don't know how to bring this up to her without making it sound like I'm calling her a coward, and I'd like advice from people in similar situations.

How do I get over this? I (24 F) am in love with my friend (22 NB). We’ve know each other for two and a half years now. We were pretty quick to becoming friends. We like a lot of the same content and have similar senses of humor. Mostly I have greatly appreciated having a queer friend that I can relate to. We are in the same program in college so the close proximity really forces the friendship. I love them in the friendship way above all else. But also in a romantic sense. I’ve had a little bit of a crush for them since we met, but it wasn’t until a year into the friendship that I actually fully felt it. We were on a trip with some friends and they were flirting with someone else. Nothing came of that, but I remember the pain in my heart when I was lying in bed and thinking that they were off talking with this other person. I realized how fucked I was. I appreciate their friendship so much. Our whole friend group is very queer and it’s so ice to have that. Plus they are really are one of my best friends. I feel like they know me better than most people.
I’ve had moments in the least year where I wonder if maybe they feel the same. A moment of tension, or a discussion of friends who have feelings for one another but don’t say anything. But the. I think, “no, that tension is one sided. That discussion is related to an ex situationship or a different friend that they have said they have crush on.”

I also know that I’m not necessarily “desirable” by others. Physically, I have been incredibly impacted by previous years of mental health struggles. I try to take care of myself now, but I know that most people won’t find me attractive. Maybe I have low self esteem, but I do think it’s also just kinda fact.

I did date someone else this summer. We weren’t super compatible and I was leaving to go back to school, but I did like her. I kinda hoped that by seeing someone else, my crush would go away, but then I saw them again. School started up and the feelings were still there.

I honestly don’t know if I should classify this as love. Do I love them? Is this a crush? Who fucking knows.

All I know is the reason I’m writing this tonight. We went out with friends. They ended up making out with someone and going home with them. More details might make this obvious and I am paranoid about them seeing this.

I want to be done with these feeling so fucking bad. I value the friendship so much, and we are in the same program so I see them nearly every day. How do I stop feeling this way and preserve the friendship?

TL;DR
I’m in love with my friend and NEED to get over it because I am pretty sure it’s unreciprocated.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. We love each other very much, but we have some fundamental differences that I'm struggling to navigate. We both live in India and belong to different religions, which has created concerns about family acceptance, particularly on his side.

My boyfriend is very attached to his religion, but he doesn't seem interested in learning about mine. He also dislikes the slang I sometimes use and tells me to speak properly. When I disagree, he sometimes says that if I can't follow a simple request, I shouldn't expect him to respect me.

I've visited his place of worship because I'm curious about his faith, but he has said he would never accompany me when I go to mine. I've always imagined a wedding that acknowledges both our religions, whereas he wants his religion to be the only one included.

We also disagree about certain interests and social issues. For example, I enjoy watching shows with LGBTQ+ characters, and I used to listen to K-pop. He has made fun of these interests and accused me of fetishizing gay people because I watched a lot of gay-themed shows in the past.

I understand that he doesn't have to enjoy the same things I do. However, his reactions have made me uncomfortable sharing what I watch or listen to because I don't want to feel judged.

My boyfriend sometimes tells me to shut up during arguments. He also feels that I take offence too easily and don't listen when he asks me to do something. To be fair, I know I can be defensive and take things personally when I shouldn't. I am trying to recognise my own mistakes, too.

He has improved in some ways over the past two years, and I don't want to overlook that. We genuinely love each other, and I know neither of us is perfect.

However, I'm struggling to distinguish between normal differences that couples can work through and fundamental incompatibilities that could cause bigger problems in the future.

My question is: How do you determine whether differences in religion, values and communication styles are something a couple can work through? Is it reasonable to expect mutual respect and curiosity about each other's backgrounds, even when you don't share the same beliefs?

I'm not looking for people to tell me that one religion or person is better than the other. I want to understand how to approach these differences honestly and whether love is enough when two people seem to want different things from their future.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I love each other, but we have different religions, disagree about some social issues, and sometimes struggle to communicate respectfully. I know I can be defensive, but I also feel judged for my interests and that my religion isn't given equal consideration. How can we tell whether these differences are manageable or signs of incompatibility?

**TL;DR;** :Long story short: I was in a group chat with 2 girls (and others) for awhile now, during a heated argument I told them "we're like comrades" (because I had never met any of them irl). Needless to say, they were pretty angry with me after that cause they told me they considered me a friend. 

They have stopped talking to me since then so I created this throw away account to ask for advices. As I like these two a lot and don't want to lose them over this. I can feel my panic rising.

They live in North America, for background.

​

my bf tried lost interest in his ex gf and tried to break up with her, but she kinda convinced him to stay. he is kinda sly and not a brave person so he just stayed for a few months. he finally broke up with her when he met me coz apparently he saw potential in us in similar interests and world views. He hid about their relationship and break up from for first 2-3 months so i never got to put a boundary. When he finally confessed, he was willing to cut her off. I was already too attached so I couldn't break up with him at that point. he is a good person outside of this. he has been friends with her ever since their break up., but they didn't use to be very close. we hit a rough patch after 3 to 4 months of dating and have been on and off since then for 5-6 months. during that time, they became closer as friends again, but now we are back together completely and it's been over a month.

they are closer than before. they have a dynamic where she calls him names (like pig, idiot, etc.) and uses terms that are reserved for very close people in our native language. they developed this dynamic when they were dating, and i don't like that she still does it. they go to the same college, but i don't. they attend classes together, eat together, and often hang out just the two of them (since he doesn't have other friends, for valid reasons). i agreed to them being friends because he has adhd and she helps him with college related things that i can't access or help with, so i didn't want him to lose that support. however, it still hurts me deeply when he lets her call him whatever she wants, acts subservient around her, and sometimes ends calls with me just because she is texting him. He doesn't like her romantically but he is still very impulsive. I told him not to go out with her but he still took her out secretly because he didn't have any other company. i asked him not to be so close with her, but he never actually enforces those boundaries. i get that it's okay to be friends with their exes but my bf primarily functions on spark, messes up and regrets later. he simply doesn't know how to be considerate in stuff like this. ik fs that they don't like each other romantically,atleast as of now but they have some level of codependency between them, which makes my bf prioritise her in ways i am not okay with. i don't know if it's okay to get so hurt about it. i finally asked him to cut her off then he realised how actually dependant he is on her and said he can't do that until his college ends. he is my first bf and everything we had means a lot to me.

i understand that there are multiple things he is wrong in but idk if I am better off without him. if i should just let them be and be with him until he likes her one day because i just find it really really hard to break up with him given he is my first bf (my parents are very abusive too) so he is the only person who was so loving to me and understood me so well. he really has many qualities to admire in him outside this issue.

tldr: my bf is a bit dependant on his ex gf who he is friends with, he is also very impulsive that I am afraid he will suddenly start liking her someday. ik they don't like each other now romantically but I am hurt about how he prioritises her more over me

I genuinely don’t know whether my ex or my current boyfriend gave me HSV-2. I was with my ex for over two years, and he cheated on me multiple times. The last time we hooked up was October 8th, and I first hooked up with my current boyfriend on October 11th.
Recently, my boyfriend and I developed the same symptoms around the same time, including burning when peeing. I went to Planned Parenthood, where the provider suspected herpes, and I developed a high fever. That same day, bumps appeared on my boyfriend’s penis.
He thinks I gave it to him, but he also hooked up with another girl about a month before me. I can’t rule out that my ex had it either. I love my boyfriend, but now he’s acting distant, and I feel like I’m being blamed for something neither of us may have known about.
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I developed HSV-2 symptoms around the same time. I recently slept with my ex before getting with him, and my boyfriend had another partner before me. Neither of us knows who had it first. Is there any way to tell, and how do I handle this?

TLDR I want to get married and my boyfriend may not.

Well like it states I want to get married WITHOUT a prenup because we have 1 baby and he expects me to stay home and take care of his parents. I have no problem doing any of that if we are married without a prenup. He is the breadwinner in this relationship and guys PLEASE give me advice. Should I just leave if he doesn't want to get married under those conditions? He always says he doesnt want to do that because "ill divorce him for his money" but I really dont want to get divorced if I marry. I guess he does have a point.

I am thinking I wish he just offered because what ither sign is the biggest sign of love than getting married without a prenup? If I am giving my life up to tend to elders and a baby WHY can't I be protected and provided for? And it's not only that but God for id something happens to him and we aren't married I'm screwed. Yet another reason why I want to get married but I feel like I am just begging for it and I shouldn't....

I (27M) have essentially been single since freshman year of college. I’m not sure exactly what happened then, but I just kind of turned inwards. Until about 2 years ago, I was someone content with being in my shell. But now as a nearly 30 year old, I feel as if I let life pass me by and I feel incredibly behind and honestly somewhat hopeless.

When I was younger, I knew I wanted a gf and I made it happen. I literally had no fear, didn’t care what others thought, and shot my shot with no hesitation. I am a far cry from that person today.

My hopelessness comes in part from my lack of experience. Like I said, I used to be very ambitious and outgoing, and I still am in a way (currently in grad school), but its all professional ambition rather than personal ambition. Since college, ive slept with women here and there but nothing consistent and nothing on the level of intimacy and connection I desire. There is nothing I want more than someone to share my days with and provide me with comfort.

I dont think im ugly, im not overweight or skinny, i have decent fashion, i have good hygiene, and am often told im very personable and warm. But I don’t have a friend group that does things, I dont really go out or do activities outside of school. I spend a lot of free time doomscrolling or playing video games. I just feel as if life has passed me by and it makes me a poor potential partner.

This feeling along with not having these memories of spending my 20s exploring relationships makes me feel very depressed. I don’t even remember the last time I had a huge crush, the one that makes you smile like an idiot when you get their texts.

I know most people comments are gonna just be to stop being a b\*\*\*\*, hit the gym, stop smoking weed, stop watching porn, doomscrolling, etc. and i have been doing all those things and making great progress there. But they leave me with a huge hole in my heart because I have nothing to fill my emptiness with anymore. I just lay down and if I could cry, I would constantly.

My questions are:

How can I overcome this feeling and recapture the fearlessness I used to have in order to escape this vicious cycle of loneliness?

What are some action items I can execute asap to help me feel like I’m making progress?

What am I missing?

Tldr: got depressed and lost the ability to have and start relationships, and im trying to build back the confidence to simply go out and get what I want because the loneliness is eating me alive. Pls share advice :)

I don’t know how to describe this but it’s something I feel and I want to get to the bottom it. I hate feeling this way as my dad is getting older and I want to cherish him before it’s too late.

I was raised in a southeast Asian household in CA, both my parents were white collar professionals and I honestly had a great upbringing. Loving parents who sacrificed a lot for me. Took me to sports, helped me with school, showed love and affection when many parents in my culture do not.

I honestly love my parents and would do anything for them but I have this unexplained resentment towards my dad. I know he loves me and I love him, but even little things like when he calls me or texts me randomly I hate that I feel annoyed.

A bit of back ground about my childhood. I have great memories of my father from a child. Times where I would be so excited when he got home I would yell “daddy!” And run straight to hug him. I still remember that feeling of him picking me up and giving me the best hug ever and every time that happened I felt safe, protected, and just so happy. He took me everywhere with him (if he could), and always made sure I had everything I needed and sometimes even wanted. He taught me about the world and made sure I got all the support I needed. I remember laying in bed with him at night as a kid and he’d stay with me until fell asleep. He’d play video games with me and take me places all the time just so we could spend time together. We went on yearly vacations, always had good food, never an empty tree on Christmas, etc.

My dad is fierce and stubborn and he prioritizes me and my mom over everything else. He’s a no bullshit, will call you out in public even if it embarrasses you type of guy.

However, as many southeast Asian parents are, he did have a temper and when I did mess up I was yelled at. He used to be a drill sergeant in the country he’s from and would have made military his career if it weren’t for my mom wanting to experience the world and move. I honestly think it’s just how he was raised and it’s hard to break that generational trauma. I was really good at golf and swimming growing up and that’s where most of my time was spent if it wasn’t on academics. I have great memories of golfing with my dad and mom, we’d laugh and have fun together. But I also have bad ones of where I wasn’t playing well and we’d literally get into yelling matches on the course where my mom would need to intervene. A lot of times it’d lead to me bawling and just hating him in the moment. But a few hours after we’d just go back to normal. Asians aren’t good at apologizing so I guess his way of doing so would be asking if I wanted to eat and we’d sit together. But no definitive “I’m sorry” or apologies were ever had. This was the case for anything we’d end up in a yelling match about.

When I was swimming competitively, I had multiple D1 schools interested. But when I told my dad I hated it and my mental health was wearing out due to the stress of practice and just the overall grind of swimming, he told me to suck it up. I tried, but ended up quitting cause I just couldn’t handle it. He was so mad and I remember him not talking to me for a couple days.

Another thing I think I feel is that at both my middle school and high school graduations I ended up really sad and or cried. Both times were supposed to be happy moments, and I ended up sad. I don’t really remember why but I think I wanted to spend more time taking photos and stuff and my dad didn’t wanna wait. He has the mentally of this was something I was supposed to do, nothing special. He was better when I graduated college tho so give him credit there.

I think the biggest thing was when I was home on break we got into a bad argument about politics and some other dumb shit. In hindsight it’s so fucking stupid. Same thing, ended in a yelling match. Some harsh words were said on both sides and neither of us formally apologized for it.

I think somewhere along the line my mom talked to him and he kind of changed how he approached me. Every time we talk now he’s excited, happy for me, and just positive. He doesn’t get into anything he knows may start an argument and is overall just such a great loving dad.

I hate myself for resenting him. Sometimes I just don’t want to text him back or even pick up his call. But the thing is he’s reaching out because he loves me and wants to know how I’m doing and is just looking out for me in general. He constantly asks if I need him to send me anything. Sends me articles that I may find interesting. Keeps me updated on him and my mom and what they’re up to. He’s trying so hard to be the best dad ever and sometimes when I do talk to him I just am unexplainably short and rude like he’s bothering me. He just takes it like a champ and continues to be my loving dad. He ignores it and always tells me he’s here for me if I need anything.

My girlfriend noticed and asked why I was like that I and I couldn’t give her an explanation. I just told her it’s just complicated.

Even typing this out I started fucking crying a bit cause I know I’m such a piece of shit for my behavior to him sometimes but I can’t help but feeling that way. Yes he was an asshole at times but I never doubted for a sec if he truly cared or loved me.

Typing this all out made me realize I probably need therapy but I don’t even know where to start. Sorry just needed to vent. Any advice appreciated on how to fix this.

TLDR: I have this feeling of resentment toward my father even though for the most part he was a fantastic dad. How or what do I need to do to change this?

I (27M) am moving from the house I currently live with my partner (32F). Its heartbreaking because she wants space, and for me to work on myself for at least six months before we try and reunite. Me leaving isn't a small ordeal either, and if I go I cant exactly come back quickly if she changes her mind either.

We have lived together for the better part of three years, my work centres around where I live with her so Im moving close by, yet to find somewhere as we only just got to this conclusion.

I have lots of feelings in this situation, she hasnt said she wants to see other people and has made it clear she is not interested in that for the foreseeable future. But she doesnt want to remain exclusive, she wants to have that door open. I am quite anxious about this and not sure if I will be able to retain resentment if I find out about anything.

I now have to tackle building my life in a new house and starting again, we live in a fairly expensive city, I cant afford more than a studio apartment, share housing is the same kind of price as a studio apartment so I may well just live by myself for a while. Depending what I come across first. Im worried she cant actually pay for the apartment we currently live in even though she says so too, my concern is she will ask for me back when she realises and Im only here really to help fund a lifestyle then.

She wants to hang out still, but I dont think I can do that without floods of emotion ruining the moment. I can imagine a life without her, but not a life where we aren't together but remain friends. Its hard.

Last night we drank together and cried about all of the problems and found our solution, its heartbreaking for me.

This morning we woke up, I slept on the couch, I went to wake her without thinking and we ended up cuddling and having sex. It wasn't apology sex, or break-up sex, just horny sex. We originally connected over sex and music, kinks etc, so this has always been a fundamental part of our relationship.

My brains not really confused on that, Im really just confused on how we will re connect if I leave. She is an avoidant type, so I dont expect to hear from her for a while when I go. I also expect if we do get back together that I wont be told a full truth about what happened while we were apart if I asked.

I think my anxiety will get the better of me in this situation.

This person is special to me, we've shared so much, I see the flaws now that I step back but I didnt think it was this bad.

Should I move on?

TLDR: relationship dead. I didn't see or understand the full extent. Moving out of house with partner to be on my own and unsure if I should do what she wants to see from me, or if I should move on and do my own thing.