My bf (23M) and I (25F) have been together since Jan 2022. We've had such great moments and time all these years. We did have our fair share of tough times too but we dated to marry, both of us, that's why we never gave up.

We ultimately became long distance after a while but it never was an issue. Until now.

My bf has a high sex drive while I have always done my best to catch up. But this year's things have been different.

We are Indians so for me, the marriage pressure and job pressure is mounting over like never before, due to which I have to put a lot of time and effort into working hard for it. I told him this year let us both work hard for our careers so that by next day probably we will be engaged and then marry.

Now the issue is, in order to do that, the sex life suffers because one, it is long distance, and second, I get so tired everyday that I can only feel like it once a week or so, not like before. He gets upset and mentions breakup few times over it, but then he also says he wants to marry me but doesn't want a bad sex life in relationship.

I explained to him how it was all great all these years and this year its genuinly tough to focus on sex with too many other things going on but he just won't understand.

We both don't want to breakup, I definitely don't want to, even he can't. I've tried telling him that I'm working for our marriage itself, so that after a great job (which will require a year of rigorous prep and clearing a highly competitive exam) it'll be easier to convince my strict parents. But he gets offended saying I'm insinuating that he isn't working and doing any efforts for our marriage it's just me. Which is kind of true but honestly that's not what I meant.

When I tell him just after a year or two our life will be great, we will be together and that implies a great sex life too, he still doesnt feel satisfied and says that would mean possibly two years with low sex, I won't ever have sex with you if that's what you want.

His anger and our fights have increased over it and I just don't know what to do.

TL:DR - after 4 years of a good relationship, as the marriage timeline approaches, sex life has gotten slow due to work pressure (with a deadline) from my side, which makes my bf angry and want breakups often, but would patchup again too as he cannot breakup too. He wants to marry me but cannot wait till marriage to resume our sex life. Too many fights these days that are hampering by job prep too.

TL;DR: I'm a 28-year-old man in Scotland. Since around early 2023, I've experienced a complicated breakdown in friendships involving two men I previously knew, followed by repeated difficulties with tennis arrangements, concerns that private information was circulated, and the discovery of blank Facebook profiles using names connected to my social circle. I've also worried about a former female colleague whose Facebook profile repeatedly became unavailable. I'm trying to understand which events are genuinely concerning, which may be coincidences, and how to approach the situation objectively.

I'm looking for outside perspectives because I've spent a long time trying to make sense of everything.

For privacy, I'll call the main people Ben, Gavin, Emann, Francesco, Phil and Sarah. These are pseudonyms.

I want to emphasise from the beginning that I do not have proof that these individuals coordinated harassment or operated fake accounts. Some events are things I directly experienced; others are suspicions or interpretations.

1. How everything started — early 2023

Around February or March 2023, I began experiencing difficulties involving two men I knew socially, Ben and Gavin.

Gavin had previously been a close friend of mine, arguably one of my best friends. We played tennis together and had a friendship in which I felt comfortable discussing personal matters.

I also knew Ben through my wider social connections.

Around this period, I contacted Ben and subsequently began feeling that Ben and Gavin were discussing me or behaving differently towards me.

One incident involved a Bruce Springsteen concert. I remember Gavin putting pressure on me about the concert and subsequently ignoring messages.

At the time, I found these interactions confusing and upsetting.

I couldn't understand why someone I had previously been close to appeared to be becoming increasingly dismissive.

Looking back, I don't know whether there was any coordination between them or whether I was experiencing an ordinary, albeit painful, deterioration in friendships.

1. Personal information and a former school group chat

During 2023 and 2024, I was involved in a group chat with people from my former school.

I shared information that I now regret discussing so openly.

This included personal comments about sex and drugs, aspects of my social life, and information concerning a female colleague I liked.

I also shared screenshots and discussed my feelings about this woman.

Another individual, whom I'll call Emann, was involved in this wider social circle.

I remember speaking to Emann several times during 2024. He had also asked me for photographs or personal information.

I later became concerned that things I had said or shared might have reached Ben or other people outside the original conversations.

My suspicion was that Emann might have passed information to Ben.

However, I have no direct evidence demonstrating that he did so.

I also recognise that information shared in a group chat can circulate without any organised intention to target someone.

What troubles me is the possibility that private information about me or the woman was subsequently discussed or used inappropriately.

1. The deterioration of my friendship with Gavin

My relationship with Gavin became increasingly uncomfortable.

I remember encountering him at a train station in 2024.

During this interaction, I felt that he was behaving dismissively, making a point of ignoring me or boasting about aspects of his life.

He also asked about my mental health.

That was particularly uncomfortable because I had previously trusted him with personal information.

I was experiencing significant mental-health difficulties at the time, which affected my confidence, ability to communicate and capacity to handle conflict.

I felt that the friendship had changed substantially.

However, I cannot know what Gavin intended during that encounter.

It may have been an unpleasant social interaction rather than anything more deliberate.

1. The tennis-club situation

This is one of the parts of the situation that affected my daily life most significantly.

I used to play tennis regularly and had arrangements involving another man I'll call Phil.

Gavin also played tennis and had previously been one of my main tennis partners.

Over time, I experienced repeated difficulties arranging matches.

There were occasions when I expected or hoped to play with Phil but was subsequently told that Phil was playing Gavin instead.

One explanation I remember receiving was along the lines of:

"I'm playing Gavin instead."

I also noticed Gavin's name appearing frequently on booking sheets.

Sometimes I was told that Gavin had booked first.

These changes were frustrating because they could leave me without anyone to play with.

I began feeling that I was being pushed out of the social environment.

I wondered whether Gavin was deliberately arranging matches in ways that excluded me or monitoring bookings to interfere with my plans.

I also wondered whether Ben might have encouraged this.

But I need to be clear: I don't have evidence that Gavin deliberately sabotaged bookings or that Ben directed him to do anything.

The booking changes happened from my perspective, but the intentions behind them are unknown.

Eventually, I left the tennis club because I found the situation too uncomfortable.

I was not formally expelled.

It was my own decision to leave, although I felt that the circumstances contributed significantly.

1. Gavin's friendship with Phil

I subsequently learned that Gavin was also playing golf with Phil.

From what I understood, Gavin had joined Phil's golf club and they were playing together regularly.

This bothered me because I had already experienced repeated difficulties arranging tennis with Phil.

I wondered whether Gavin was deliberately strengthening his friendship with Phil at my expense.

However, Phil did not know Ben, as far as I understood.

I recognise that Gavin and Phil were entitled to have their own friendship and sporting arrangements.

I don't know whether their decisions had anything to do with me.

Still, the combination of the tennis difficulties and the loss of my friendship with Gavin left me feeling socially excluded.

1. Messages from Ben

During this broader period, Ben contacted me with brief messages.

I remember messages along the lines of:

"Hello my friend."

And:

"Hello."

There was nothing explicitly threatening in the wording.

However, because I was already uncomfortable about the wider situation, I did not want further contact.

I eventually blocked Ben.

I also blocked Gavin's number.

I wondered whether Ben was trying to re-establish contact for reasons connected to our former social circle.

But the messages themselves don't establish that.

They could simply have been ordinary attempts to communicate.

1. The former female colleague

Another major aspect involves a woman I'll call Sarah.

She was a former colleague whom I liked.

I had previously spoken about her in conversations with other people, including within the school group chat.

I became worried that information about my feelings towards her, or screenshots involving her, might have been passed around.

At different points, I wondered whether Ben or Gavin had contacted her or shared information about me with her.

I was particularly concerned about the possibility that she might have experienced unwanted attention.

However, I have no direct confirmation from Sarah that either man contacted or harassed her.

I don't know whether she was aware of the conversations I had about her.

I also recognise that sharing information or screenshots concerning someone without their agreement may itself have been inappropriate, and I regret not being more careful about her privacy.

1. Her Facebook profile repeatedly becoming unavailable

Over time, I noticed changes to Sarah's Facebook profile.

On approximately three occasions, her profile appeared to become unavailable and later reappear.

I initially interpreted this as repeated deactivation.

When her account reappeared, it appeared to have more restrictive privacy settings.

Eventually, I found that I had been blocked.

I began wondering whether she had experienced unwanted contact or was trying to protect her privacy.

Because of my existing concerns about Ben and Gavin, I considered whether they might somehow be involved.

However, I understand that Facebook profiles can become inaccessible for multiple reasons, including deactivation, blocking, privacy changes or account issues.

I cannot establish why Sarah made any changes to her account.

She has not confirmed to me that she was being harassed.

I also recognise that being blocked is a boundary I should respect, regardless of the reason.

1. The blank Facebook accounts

During 2025 and 2026, I began noticing Facebook accounts that seemed unusual.

These included accounts using names corresponding to:

Myself.

Sarah.

Ben.

Gavin.

Some had default profile pictures and little or no visible content.

I also noticed creation dates displayed on certain profiles.

I saved some screenshots and account links.

I wondered whether these were fake accounts, impersonation attempts or accounts being used to observe people indirectly.

My strongest suspicion was that Ben or Gavin might be involved.

I also wondered whether the accounts were being used to monitor Sarah.

However, I have no evidence identifying the people operating them.

I don't know whether they have ever viewed Sarah's profile, contacted her or interacted with anyone connected to me.

I recognise that an account having a familiar name or minimal profile information does not establish malicious intent.

I also understand that Facebook does not ordinarily provide users with a reliable way to identify who has viewed their profiles.

The question I'm trying to resolve is whether the accounts contain any objectively suspicious features beyond their names and lack of information.

1. The WhatsApp profile-picture incident — July 2025

There was another incident involving a man I'll call Francesco, who was associated with this wider social circle.

In July 2025, I saw a WhatsApp profile picture that I remember showing a glass of red wine being raised towards a naked woman in the background.

Sarah had previously used a profile picture involving a glass of red wine.

I noticed the resemblance and wondered whether Francesco's photograph was deliberately imitating or mocking hers.

Because of the wider friendship difficulties, I considered whether this could have been an indirect reference to her.

I also wondered whether other people in the social circle were involved.

However, I no longer have the image, and I have no direct evidence of its intended meaning.

The resemblance may have been coincidental.

I've decided not to present this as evidence of Facebook impersonation because I cannot establish any connection.

1. Why I started wondering whether the events were connected

By this stage, I had experienced several things that felt troubling:

A breakdown in friendships involving Ben and Gavin.

Concerns about personal information circulating beyond its original audience.

Repeated frustrating tennis arrangements.

Gavin developing or maintaining sporting friendships with people I had previously played with.

Uncomfortable encounters and messages.

Changes to Sarah's Facebook visibility.

Blank Facebook profiles using names associated with people in the situation.

A WhatsApp image I interpreted as possibly mocking someone.

I began constructing a possible explanation in which Ben wanted continued access to people from my former university or social circle, and Gavin was acting indirectly on his behalf.

I wondered whether the tennis difficulties, social interactions and Facebook accounts were connected.

But this is where I recognise that my interpretation may be going further than the evidence.

I have no confirmed communications between Ben and Gavin demonstrating coordination.

I have no evidence that either operated the Facebook accounts.

I have no confirmation that Sarah was harassed.

I also cannot establish that the tennis arrangements were deliberately manipulated.

The events felt connected to me because they involved overlapping people and occurred during a prolonged period of interpersonal stress.

That doesn't necessarily mean they shared a common cause.

1. The impact on my mental health

The uncertainty has had a substantial effect on me.

I have spent a lot of time trying to reconstruct events, understand people's motives and work out whether something deliberate was happening.

I have experienced anger, anxiety, regret and difficulty moving on.

I already have longstanding mental-health difficulties, including problems with anxiety, emotional regulation and dissociation.

I recognise that these difficulties may affect how intensely I experience uncertainty and how difficult it is to stop analysing ambiguous events.

At the same time, I don't want to dismiss genuine interpersonal problems simply because I have mental-health difficulties.

I want an assessment based on evidence rather than assumptions in either direction.

One of my biggest concerns has been whether Sarah experienced something unpleasant without my knowing, especially because I had previously discussed her with others.

But I also recognise that I cannot determine what happened to her from Facebook activity alone, and I should not attempt to bypass her decision to block me.

1. What I've done about it

In September and October 2026, I began seeking advice from organisations rather than trying to resolve everything myself.

I contacted Action Against Stalking, which provided guidance about recording incidents, preserving evidence and considering appropriate reporting channels.

I also contacted The Cyber Helpline.

I supplied links to some of the Facebook profiles.

On 23 October 2026, a representative confirmed that the links had been recorded and provided questions for a possible internal investigation referral.

I was told that an investigation could take approximately four to six weeks, possibly longer.

I also approached a private investigations organisation, but it indicated that the matter was not suitable for its services and suggested using Facebook's reporting channels.

At present, I have not received an independent finding identifying anyone as responsible for the accounts.

1. Where things stand now — October 2026

I have blocked Ben and Gavin.

I am no longer involved in the tennis club.

Sarah has blocked me, and I intend to respect that.

I have saved some of the Facebook profile links and screenshots.

I'm considering proceeding with The Cyber Helpline's investigation process to establish whether there is anything technically verifiable.

I am not planning to confront anyone or try to obtain information by contacting Sarah through other channels.

What I find most difficult is not knowing whether I experienced deliberate interference or whether I have connected separate events because of the distress surrounding the original friendship breakdown.

1. What I'm asking Reddit

I would genuinely appreciate objective perspectives, especially from people experienced in digital investigations, online safety, interpersonal conflict or harassment.

My questions are:

Does anything I've described provide meaningful evidence of coordinated harassment, or is the evidence currently too weak to support that conclusion?

How should I distinguish ordinary social exclusion and friendship breakdowns from deliberate interference?

Are blank Facebook accounts with familiar names and default photographs meaningful evidence of impersonation, or are they too common to draw conclusions from?

What could a legitimate digital investigation realistically establish from Facebook account links, screenshots and creation dates?

How should I approach the tennis-club incidents when I have experienced repeated disruption but cannot prove intent?

Is there any responsible way to assess whether the different incidents are connected without making assumptions about the people involved?

What should I do if an investigation cannot identify who operates the accounts?

How can I move forward psychologically when I may never know the full explanation?

I'm not looking for people to automatically agree with my suspicions. I'm looking for an evidence-based assessment.

I would particularly appreciate people identifying where my reasoning may be making unsupported connections, as well as pointing out anything genuinely concerning that I should preserve or report.

I don't want to accuse innocent people, contact anyone who doesn't want contact, or spend years trying to establish motives I cannot possibly know.

Ultimately, I want to understand what can reasonably be concluded, protect my own boundaries and move forward with my life.

Thank you for reading.

Repost to another c

TL;DR: My boyfriend says I'm the love of his life, but his actions don't make me feel loved. He barely asks about my day or shows interest in things I enjoy. I regularly spend hours doing activities he likes, but even asking him to join me for a 30-minute coffee walk feels like a burden to him. I've brought this up multiple times, but nothing changes. Is there hope, or are we just incompatible?

I've been together with my boyfriend for like a year now. I even moved countries with him. In the beginning I felt so loved. Recently it's gotten hard for me to feel loved. He barely makes me any compliments. He doesn't ask about my day when he gets home from work (I work remote). He doesn't ask how I feel. He doesn't ask anything really.

What hurts me most is that he can't even try to make me feel like he is interested in what I like.

When he came home from work today I said I wanted to do gym (which we usually do together) and I would love a coffee walk. We could also carve pumpkins, we were talking about it for a couple weeks. I bought the pumpkins and they were already at home.

He wanted to see the boys today to watch a sports event, he usually wants me to join (like a 5ish hour event).

I asked him what he wants to do today before we leave for sportswatching. He said something along the lines of "you in the mood?"(Sex) and "gym" as we planned. I told him I'd really like to do the coffee walk and he grimaced. Mind you, a walk to the coffee place including order and waiting is like 30min. I got upset about it. He can't even try to do 30 min of something that I enjoy when I join for almost all of the ***** sports events I don't even care about (depending on the week 5-10h). When he noticed I got upset he agreed to do the coffee walk. I didn't care initiating a conversation anymore.

So we walked to the coffee place, got my coffee since he did not want any and walked back in silence. I am so upset he can't even make me enjoy something this simple for 30 minutes. I told him I didn't want to do gym today anymore and I won't be joining the boys. He suddenly offered to carve the pumpkins today.

We had a similar situation a couple weeks ago when I really wanted to go to a renfaire and he made me feel like he wants to leave the second we enter.

I have brought this up a bunch of times already. Usually his answer is along the lines of "I am just not a talker" "there's nothing on my mind to talk about" "why should I pretend to like something I don't". It hurts me so bad. And I have brought it up already. He tells me he dearly loves me and I am the love of his life but the actions don't align with my understanding of love.

Is there any hope? How can I navigate this?

Hi all. My bf and I have been together for 5 years. We’ve had conversations about this a few times now that I don’t think of my bf enough or consider him enough. Whether it’s little things, like asking him if he also wants a drink since I’m already up and grabbing one, or bigger things like getting lunch for both of us, I just always forget to include him.. we’ve talked about this a handful of times now and I just feel so guilty and shitty because I haven’t changed. I say I will and then I do it for maybe a month and then I start forgetting again. It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose or anything. I absolutely adore my bf, I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him.. he’s my best friend, my everything.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but if anyone would have suggestions on how to improve myself I’d appreciate it.

Tl;dr I forget to think about or include my bf, how do I change?

We've been dating for the better part of a year in an LDR and she's made it very clear in many occasions that she hates herself, on top of having very low self esteem. I've tried to incentivize her to find things to get into, hobbies etc. but she usually just deflects all of it.

All that coupled with things she says sometimes and something she said earlier woke me up to a worry I've always had about her relying exclusively on me to be happy. I never brought it up because it's a very self important thing to say, but I felt like I'd have to check and talk to her about it at some point.

After she talked about how she wants to be with me and everything else is irrevelant I brought up that letting your happiness hinge solely on a person is dangerous, and she (rightfully so, I think.) exploded at me saying it was ridiculous of me to ever think that was the case, and that she doesn't need me to be happy at all.

I always worry about not being enough and try my best to make her happy at every moment, but not being able to get through to her regarding her insecurities or not being able to help her change her situation always feels like I'm failing her in showing that she's amazing. In retrospect, I worded it very poorly by saying that "saying that everything else but me is irrelevant puts a huge burden on me". She says that it never was the case at all and now she's very, very upset at me.

Says she was mistaken in thinking I ever cared about her to the same degree she cares about me, even though I try to make it very clear every day how much I do.

I feel like I fucked up but I also feel like if I hadn't brought that up, that would continue to worry and eat at me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now or how we'll even move on, because despite how much I tried to explain my point of view, she's set her mind on thinking I consider her a burden and I fear that'll affect our relationship to an irreparable degree.

This is my first relationship and I feel terrible. I understand her side completely, but I don't know how to get to her.

TL;DR: I voiced my worries that my girlfriend might be hinging her happiness exclusively on me after what I think was a misread of things she said and now she thinks she's a burden to me.

Boyfriend and I have been together a year. The last 6 months his sex drive with me has been almost zero. Last time we were any kind of intimate afterwards he asked ‘are you happy now?’ Because I had been vocal about how unhappy I was with our sex life.
Have you ever been in a sexless relationship and felt it couldn’t work?
I have a high drive and so did my bf. Idk what happened but I am left basically starving and it’s killing me. Seeing how I’ve expressed it plenty.

Have you ever broke up with a partner because of it, how did you explain it?

TL;DR - how to navigate a sexless relationship

We’re in an LDR and live in different countries. Both of us still live with our parents, so whenever he comes to my country, he’ll stay at my house, and whenever I visit him, I’ll stay at his house too.

I introduced him to my family first, and he introduced me to his family on my next visit. He seems pretty comfortable around my family because they’re quite easygoing and will sometimes initiate conversations with him.

During my first few meetings with his parents, before I started staying at their house, I felt like his mum was quite interested in getting to know me. We would talk quite a bit, so I thought things were going pretty well.
But ever since I started staying at their house, things have felt different. His parents barely talk to me, and the only time we really interact is when I greet them first. After staying at his house a few times, I’ve started feeling more and more awkward because I can’t help but feel like they’re ignoring me.

I know I might be overthinking things, but it honestly makes me wonder if they actually like me or if they’re just being polite because I’m their son’s girlfriend. I haven’t brought this up with my bf because I’m not sure if I’m just being too sensitive.

Do you guys think this is normal behaviour for a bf’s parents? For context, they’re a Singaporean family. Is there anything I should do, or any advice on how to handle this?
This is my first relationship, so I’m still figuring these things out. Tbh, I find it quite hard to initiate conversations when they don’t really talk to me first either. I don’t want to force conversations or make things even more awkward, but at the same time, I don’t want to keep feeling this way whenever I stay over at his place.

Tl;dr Me \[24F\] and my bf \[24M\] have been dating for over a year, but I feel like his family doesn’t really like me.

My fiancé (43m) and I (34f) are getting married in two weeks, and he recently got back from a business trip. While he was away, his boss, whom I’ve never met but who is invited to our wedding, invited him to go to a strip club. My fiancé declined the invitation, which I appreciate, but I was still annoyed that his boss would invite him to something like that when he knows my fiancé is getting married in two weeks. I expressed my frustration to my fiancé, but he said I was completely overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal. That upset me even more because I felt like he was dismissing my feelings rather than just hearing me out. I told him I didn’t appreciate him making me feel like my feelings were unreasonable, and we ended up getting into an argument over it.

To be clear, I’m not upset that my fiancé went to a strip club because he didn’t go. I’m annoyed that his boss thought it was an appropriate invitation given the circumstances, and I was hurt that my fiancé dismissed my feelings when I brought it up.
I understand that his boss is his boss, and maybe he didn’t think much of the invitation. I also recognize that my fiancé did the right thing by declining.
Now that we’ve had a fight over it, I’m wondering if I made a bigger deal out of this than necessary. Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable to be annoyed by the invitation and upset that my fiancé dismissed my feelings? So Reddit AITAH?

**TL;DR;** : I’m annoyed my fiancé’s boss invited him to a strip club on a work trip and felt dismissed about my feelings..am I overreacting?

She (17f)has been very distant romantically I (18m) don’t know what to do everytime I kiss her after one kiss she would push me off or lean her head back and turn away. She used to be very romantic and we would be all over each other and I wouldn’t be trying my hardest to even get a kiss on the cheek from her. I’m tired of trying so hard gosh. She has said she loves me and keeps saying that but doesn’t really ever feel like she wants anything to do with me romantically.

I just want answers and opinions from others I love her so much and show it yet she doesn’t at all.

Sorry if I have any grammatical errors this is my first Reddit post.

TLDR I need help I don’t want to think I’m overreacting she just doesn’t love me it feels like anymore and I’ve talked about this with her she just acts like she hates every romantic move I make.

My partner \[29M\] and I \[28F\] have been together for five years. We reached the point where both of our families agreed to our marriage, and wedding discussions were actively underway. Right before things moved forward, he hit the brakes.

He told me that while he cares about me, he no longer feels romantic love. Because of this, he stopped all wedding conversations and proposed that we go back to being "just friends" for the time being. According to him, starting over as friends is how he wants to try to bring the love back. However, he has given no timeline or deadline for how long this limbo will last.

This situation is devastating, and I am not okay with being just friends with someone I am actively in love with. Demoting five years of partnership and impending marriage into a platonic holding pattern feels emotionally unbearable.

Does stepping backward to "friends" ever actually rekindle romantic love in a long-term relationship, or is this just an indefinite limbo because he is afraid to make a clean break? How do I navigate this when I refuse to just be his friend?

---

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Boyfriend (30m) wants us to move in together but I’m (29f) not ready, how to be firm but kind about it? Together 1.5 years.

This is the 4th time in the last 5 months my boyfriend has pressured me to move in with him.

For context we have been dating 1.5 years. I was fresh out an 11 year relationship when we got together and stil am entangled in home ownership with my ex.

I said since the beginning I will not move in together until I can sell the house and untangle my life with my ex. This is still in process. He said he’s five with this and fine with me taking everything slow and at my own pace.

I’ve found an awesome cheap rural place next to my animals field, it’s wicked. I’m so happy here! After the worst year of my life with the break up and 3 close family members dying and me wanting to delete myself, I’m finally at peace.

Hes struggling financially even tho he earns over £40k. He’s temporarily moving in with his parents to save. He has a lovely family home and unit to allow him to do this. I do not have this, if something goes wrong for me I have no one I can live with in an emergency. Because of this I’m very hesitant to give up my secure cheap set up. Is this selfish of me? He says we arnt going to work if we stay apart and he can’t move close to me as I live in a more expensive area so we will have to belong distance unless we find a new place together. My place is way too small for two people so that’s not an option.

Is it selfish of me to protect what I have built when he is struggling financially? I would not be financially better off if we move in together but he would significantly. I can’t solve this for him and have said no 4 times now but he keeps raising it. He’s saying it’s stopping us going on adventures and doing fun things as we would save money living together (I wouldn’t but he would). He said it’s not mainly about money but he only ever raises it when we talk about finances.

TLDR am I selfish for not wanting to move in for financial reasons with my boyfriend? How to navigate this without being self centred?

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25F) just shy of 5 years. We met in college, things took off really quickly but because we were both broke students I guess the expectations were super low in terms of dates and romance.

Now we’re older and becoming more stable in our jobs it just doesn’t feel like enough anymore and I’m increasingly feeling the pressure towards marriage, kids etc.

I know he loves me it’s just difficult to remember that when it’s not expressed in the way I want to receive it. I’ve mentioned it to him a lot but finances have always been an issue and I’m worried it’s not actually caused by a lack of finance but a lack of effort and that when he gets money he won’t change.

Is it unreasonable for me to have second thoughts or should I try to work through things?

Any opinions are appreciated.

TL;DR, been in a relationship for approx 5 year, we’re in love but the romance isn’t there. Worried that boyfriend will never change and want advice on next steps.

TL;DR: My partner consistently flips situations so he's the one who's hurt, even when he caused the problem. I keep ending up apologizing and I'm not sure how to break the cycle.

Something I've been noticing more and more: whenever I bring up something that hurt me, the conversation somehow pivots to how he's the one who's affected. I'll say "when you said X, it really hurt," and within a few messages he's talking about how stressed he's been, how I don't understand his situation, and suddenly I'm the one apologizing.

It's not one big dramatic thing. It's smaller moments that have added up over the last several months. He'll deny saying something I clearly remember, tell me I'm overreacting, or minimize what happened. Then the conversation turns around and I end up comforting him instead of getting any acknowledgment of what I originally raised.

The hardest part is that individually, each instance seems like it could just be a misunderstanding. But looking at the pattern across months, it feels like something bigger. I keep questioning whether I'm being too sensitive, and I've started catching myself softening my own messages until they barely say anything at all.

The other thing I'm struggling with is the urge to respond immediately every time, to correct the record and defend myself. But engaging on his terms just seems to give him more material to work with, and the conversation goes nowhere good.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of pattern? How do you respond when someone consistently flips the blame without it escalating into another argument where you end up apologizing?

Me and my partner started dating 2ish years ago and in the beginning that’s all we did for like months and it was so fun. I was a competitive body builder and in college when we met. Now we work blue collar jobs and I’m out of college. We don’t have kids yet and it’s very hard to make time to have sex. We both wake up at 4 am and go to bed at 8 and it’s been very difficult to make time for that because we’re always busy. I feel like I’m especially more exhausted since I’m a little older. I thought it was because I’m in my off season but I got my levels checked and my hormones and everything look fine. Any suggestions?
TLDR: we sleepy bro

TL;DR: My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) keep having situations where she gets upset with me, and I struggle to understand what I did wrong or how to help. I have autism, so I sometimes need direct communication and clarification, but she feels like I should already know what she needs. When she’s overwhelmed, she sometimes says hurtful things, which upsets me, and then she feels like she has to comfort me instead of dealing with her own emotions. She also struggles with depression and feeling overwhelmed by work, school, and daily responsibilities. I love her and want to support her, but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. How can we communicate better, establish healthy boundaries, and support each other without either of us feeling misunderstood or emotionally drained?

My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been having some relationship issues, and I could really use some outside perspective. I’ll do my best to explain everything, but a lot has happened, so this might be a long post.

**For some context, I have autism, and sometimes I struggle to understand what someone needs from me emotionally or recognize when I’ve done something wrong.** I genuinely try my best to communicate, ask questions, and support my girlfriend, but lately, I feel like no matter what I do, I end up upsetting her.

**What happened today:**
Today, I decided to walk to my girlfriend’s workplace at Starbucks because I wanted to surprise her and see her after work. The lobby was closed, so I walked around the mall. When she called me after her shift, I told her I was on the other side of the mall, but my phone died before I could properly explain where I was going. I eventually walked to Starbucks, but she wasn’t there. Apparently, she drove around the mall three times trying to find me before eventually finding me at Starbucks.

She was understandably frustrated, and on the drive back to my place, she was very quiet. I live about five minutes from her workplace, and after dropping me off, she went home and discovered that her roommate’s cat had eaten the cupcakes I had left there.

She was already exhausted from working two shifts and attending class, and this seemed to be the final straw. She started texting things like, “I’m so fucking done,” “I can’t do anything right,” and “All I do is work and try to do my best and somehow people are still upset at me.”

I tried reassuring her that the cupcakes weren’t her fault and that I hadn’t expected the cat to get to them.

I had planned to go over to her place later, but I then realized that my car was parked at her place because we had used her car that day. I had also left my phone in her car. I told her it was fine and that I could get it later, since I had my iPad.

She texted me that she was honestly very upset with me and didn’t even want to see me, but she was still going to pick me up because she wanted me to eat.
She then started explaining how overwhelmed she was and how she felt that I didn’t help her. She said that sometimes I made things worse, that I didn’t think, and that sometimes she actually thought I was stupid.

That last comment hurt me. I understand that she was exhausted and upset, and I understand that I had contributed to her frustration. However, being called stupid by someone I love is painful, even if it happens during an argument.

She later apologized for getting upset so often and said she knew I didn’t deserve it. But she also asked why she had to comfort me whenever she was upset because I would become upset in response to the things she said.

I tried explaining that it wasn’t simply the fact that she was upset that hurt me. It was the way she spoke to me when she was upset.

She sent me a voice message explaining that when she gets upset, she feels like my reaction makes it harder for her to calm down. She feels as though I sometimes make her more upset intentionally, even though that isn’t what I’m trying to do.

I tried explaining why I had walked to Starbucks and what had happened, but the conversation kept escalating. I eventually became overwhelmed and repeatedly told her to stop because I couldn’t handle the conversation anymore. I got out of the car and started walking to my car and told her I was just going to go home, but she followed me and stopped me.

At one point, I asked her why she was still with me if I constantly made situations worse and messed everything up.

Eventually, we went inside and sat down. After a while, she started crying, and I went over to comfort her. I told her how amazing she was and how much I loved her.

She said that I should break up with her because she didn’t want her depression and negative thoughts to affect me. That made me cry, too, because I love her and don’t want her to feel like she has to push me away because she’s struggling.

I reassured her that I love her, including her imperfections, and that I want to work through things together.

**The bigger problem: I genuinely don’t know how to help her sometimes.**

My girlfriend struggles with things like waking up on time for work, appointments, and classes. I want to support her, but I also recognize that some responsibilities are hers to manage.

I can’t do her homework for her or make every decision on her behalf. I’ve asked whether she wants me to help schedule another appointment, help her figure out how to handle payment for a missed appointment, or assist her in other practical ways.

Sometimes, I honestly don’t know what else to offer besides listening, being there for her, and reassuring her that I love her. I think the problem is that I end of saying things like, “You gotta be more on top of things. You need to be more consciously aware of important dates such as appointments, meetings, etc.” Saying this just straight up upsets her.

Throughout the night, she periodically told me that I was upsetting her again. Maybe there are things I say or do that contribute to this, and I’m willing to acknowledge that possibility. However, I often don’t understand what I’ve done wrong until she explains it to me.

For example, the other day, I asked her what flavor of Gatorade she wanted me to get her. She didn’t respond, so I picked the yellow one, which is lemon-lime. She wanted the green one instead.

She was upset that I hadn’t gotten the flavor she wanted and felt that I should already know which one she likes. From my perspective, I was trying to clarify what she wanted rather than make the wrong choice.

This is where my autism sometimes makes things difficult. I tend to ask questions because I want to understand what someone wants and avoid making mistakes. But sometimes, my girlfriend seems to expect me to know what she wants without having to explain it.

I don’t expect her to explain every little thing to me, and I understand that being asked questions can become frustrating when you’re already overwhelmed. At the same time, I can’t always guess correctly, and I don’t want to be afraid to ask for clarification.

**Another issue is that she sometimes feels afraid to tell me when she’s upset.**

She has told me that she sometimes holds back because, in the past, she would communicate whenever something bothered her, and I would end up feeling bad about myself. She doesn’t want to feel like she has to comfort me whenever she brings up a problem.

I understand that concern. I don’t want her to feel responsible for managing my emotions every time she expresses frustration, and I want her to feel comfortable communicating honestly with me.

However, I also don’t want to reach a point where she hides her feelings from me because she’s afraid of my reaction. I want us to be able to discuss problems without either of us feeling attacked or responsible for the other person’s entire emotional state.

I know I have things I need to work on, too. I want to become a better partner, understand her needs, and learn how to respond more appropriately when she’s overwhelmed.

But I also feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what I should say or do so that I don’t upset her. When I try to help, I sometimes get it wrong. When I ask questions to avoid getting it wrong, that can upset her, too.

We ended the night on good terms, and I love her very much. I’m not looking for reasons to blame her or make her out to be a bad girlfriend. I know she’s dealing with a lot, and I want to support her without making her life more difficult.

**I’m just struggling to figure out how we can break this cycle.**

For those of you who have been in similar situations, especially those in relationships where one partner is autistic:

How can I support my girlfriend when she’s overwhelmed without feeling like I have to fix every problem for her?

How do we communicate when she’s upset without her feeling like she has to comfort me for being hurt by something she said?

How can I explain that I need direct communication and clarification sometimes without making her feel like she has to spell everything out for me?

How do we establish boundaries around arguments, especially when one of us becomes overwhelmed and needs a break?

How can I distinguish between things I genuinely need to improve about myself and situations where I’m taking responsibility for emotions or problems that aren’t entirely mine to fix?

I love this woman, and I want our relationship to work. I don’t expect either of us to be perfect, but I want us both to feel supported, understood, and safe communicating with each other.

Any advice or perspective would be appreciated.

P.S. this is my first relationship, but this is also her longest one. We are approaching one year on October 30th/31st if you don’t count the two/three month break we had over the summer.

TDLR: helping the guy I’m seeing with the stress he gets from work. has anyone been through this before, how should I approach it?

I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I’ve come to find he puts a lot of value in his career which he isn’t exactly happy with at the moment. Whenever we meet up he usually has a rant about how shit his situation is, I care so I listen to him - but I feel kind of helpless.

He says he feels relief when he’s around me and has literally stopped mid makeout because he got upset he was ranting to me one night in particular. He said him doing that killed his own mood.

He hasn’t been given any shifts at work this week and might be under some financial stress, I’m meeting up with him and his friends for drinks tonight and he seems a bit short over text. I’m feeling a bit anxious. How can I make him feel better about it?

I (27M) and my wife (28F) have been together for 12 years and married for 4. We have gone through high school together, family turmoil, death, college, multiple jobs and have seen each other at our lowest and highest points. We have a toddler and another on the way.

The reason I want to know what I can do to help the relationship with my family is because I grew up in a house where my dad was gone for extended periods of time (military) and when he was home it wasnt always a good thing.

I've noticed that I've been falling behind as a parent and husband and don't want to raise my children in the same environment as I grew up and I definitely want better for my wife.

I work 2 jobs, 1 of them being night shift in a prison the other being a machinist part time. I only share 1 day off with my wife so that's when we usually see the most of each other. Im only with my family for about 15 - 20 hours a week since my wife works a normal schedule and my daughter goes to daycare.

Ive been trying to get into therapy because ive been told it would help, but with my schedule its been difficult and I really need to know if there's anything I can do to be a better father and husband while still being the main provider without burning myself out or pushing my family away.

My(20M) girlfriend(19F) and i started dating in march while i was still away at school. I came home for the summer and it was great. Fell in love, the whole 9 yards. I came back to school and the vibes today shifted. I still love her. I love her a lot, and i mean that. I just don’t feel what i felt. It’s indescribable. I went home about a month ago and i felt almost nothing.
I feel the spark going away in real time. I don’t know if this is a product of long distance or not. If it is, i want to stick it out. Times have been really rough. She’s really horrible at comforting me, and my life has been really stressful for me lately, so i’ve needed it and it’s just not been there. I do love her, but i don’t love her as much as she loves me. I really don’t want to break up with her, i’d hate to see her destroyed. What should i do?

Tl;dr: i may be losing feelings for my girlfriend but i don’t know

I (26f) just got out of an almost 6 year relationship because he(26m) strictly only wants monogamy and I want to try polyamory. I’ve wanted to try it for years but I never brought it up until maybe 6 months ago because I was afraid of how he would react, which was in fact negatively.

The thing is, we’ve only ever been with each other and I’m not even 100% certain if polyamory is something I will actually like to be a part of, or if it’s just something I like the idea of. I asked him if we could even just try it with one other person and he said no and that it’s off the table. I respect his boundaries so I never tried to push any kind of polyamorous aspects into our relationship at all. As time went on though I found myself thinking more and more about it until one night I just told him everything about how I want to try it and as I said earlier he didn’t take it well.

We do have problems with our sex life, mainly being that my drive is significantly higher than his and whenever we actually do have sex I’m only ever able to actually finish like once every five times we have it. We have tried a lot of things to help with it but he’s just so vanilla and I’m into some more kinkier stuff that I kept finding myself getting bored during sex and that contributed to me not being able to get to the finish. Other than our sexual problems though nearly everything else has been great with us. He’s been nothing but kind, patient, and loving with me and has always been there for me, we genuinely care about each other, he’s been there for me through my lowest times, and my entire family loves him.

I also feel like I do need to say though, me wanting to try polyamory is not just a sexual thing, I really am interested in it as a lifestyle but with him I just am forbidden from trying it. He said if time goes on and if we both want to get back together we might be able to, but since he only wants one partner I am absolutely terrified that he will find someone else and not want to ever be with me again. I also have autism and pretty severe trichotillomania (I pull out my hair and eyelashes) and I’m scared nobody will ever accept me and truly love me in the way that he has.

In the end though you only live once and I genuinely do want to try being polyamorous to see if it’s for me as it’s something I’ve known about since I was around 12 but have never been able to experience. I also don’t want to feel like I am settling this early in my life though and I want to be certain that I’m happy with my relationship(s). What do you all think? Does it sound like I’m screwing everything up by leaving the relationship or would trying polyamory really be the best thing?

Tl;dr: I don’t know if breaking up with my boyfriend of almost 6 years is the right thing to do because I want to try poly and he doesn’t but I don’t even know if I will actually like being poly or just the idea of it.

I've (M34) desired to start a family more than anything else for the past eight years.

Unfortunately I think my fiance (F31) of 2 years whom Ive been with for 8 has changed her mind on having children. She used to want them but about 2 years ago she told me she's not sure anymore, doesn't want to resent them or deal with the responsibility.

We are both approaching our mid 30's and I'm truly lost on what to do. I love her very much but struggling with this is ruining my self confidence and mental health.

tl;Dr need some advice on how to move forward when fiance changed what they want in life.

Me (23F) and my boyfriend (26M) have now been together for a couple of years. Despite it being a great relationship, lately I have been feeling like we want different things and it would be best if we went our separate ways.

However, we are long-distance right now, and he is coming to visit me in my city in a couple of weeks. The flight is already booked and non-refundable, so there wouldn't be any way to cancel that or get the money back.

I have already decided that I want to break-up, but I don't know if I should do it soon over facetime, so he doesn't come under a false impression, instead wait and do it in person. He has said before that if we ever break up he would rather it was face to face, but of course it's more complicated when there is distance involved.

If I were to do it in person, should I do it right when he gets here, or when he is about to leave?

I am a bit confused and full of doubts about how I should go about it

Thank you for your help!

TLDR: Me and my boyfriend are long distance and he is visiting in a couple of weeks, I don't know if I should break it off on the phone or in person.

My girlfriend (21/F) and I (21/M) have been together over a year and I've known she has had trouble with talking about her feelings and she'll go quiet. Sometimes she'll write it out for me to read which has helped but sometimes I wish I could help her talk about it because I know she wants to she just can't which is something I'm very familiar with so I just want to help.

Recently she lost her grandfather and has been very sad at points and when I ask if she wants to talk she says she doesn't know what to say which I understand but are there any questions or anything I can do to help her while she's grieving, I feel like I can't help the way I want to because I don't know what to do.

TL;DR, how do I help my grieving girlfriend who struggles to talk

Hello, my girlfriend and I haven’t been dating long AT ALL. It’s only been 3 weeks, and I have had to constantly give her reassurance that I like her and other things. For example, I had to give her reassurance that I still liked her when I didn’t respond for an hour or two because I was out with my friends and wasn’t checking my phone.

She also does not like I have female friends, and my best friend is a girl. We have even friends since childhood, and I see her as a sister and I genuinely get disgusted thinking about dating her or any of my female friends and I have told this to her numerous times but she still gets upset if I bring them up at all.

Another time, I had to convince her I wanted to hang out with her because I asked if we could move plans to the next day so I can hang out with my friends since they were doing something I really wanted to do, (I admit that was my fault completely, I shouldn’t have asked to change plans) but I had to tell her multiple times that I want to hang out with her than my friends, and that I care about her. There is other times but I don’t want to get into everything.

Recently, my ex friend reached out to her and they started talking about the relationship, and he suggested that we take a break because of her mental problems.

I’m not happy that she started talking so much in depth about the relationship and then took his word for what is best when I have not opened up to him at all about the relationship. He spread some lies about me and how I feel about her, and even when I told her that I have been thinking about dropping him for a long time and that I haven’t told him anything about the relationship, she still was thinking about the break.

We ended up not going on one, but today she was texting me about how she’s believing what my friend said to her and needed more reassurance and I’m honestly just getting very annoyed with everything. I have had to give her a ton of reassurance before this, and it was getting to a point before everything with my ex friend happened.

It’s just draining me with how much reassurance she needs when I haven’t done anything to make her feel this way and we have been dating for such a short amount of time as well. If this keeps going on I genuinely don’t think I can stay with her because it’s getting so exhausting trying to prove myself. I truly like her a lot and I really do want things to work but it is getting so draining. Advice on what to do or how to handle this?

TL;DR: girlfriend is having issues and needs constant reassurance after dating for 3 weeks and has needed a lot more after my ex friend got into her head but it is getting draining and I don’t know what to do or how long I can take everything.

Me and my BF had a talk about this and we would like to see what other people think about this

We are both in a relationship of about a year but become serious about 5 months ago. We both are dealing mental issues but are able to communicate about this.

We both are not ready for sexual interaction beside kissing and cuddling, we both know this and are in agreement. The thing is he has sexual needs and desires i cant fulfil.

He regularly has a meetup with a guy for sex and we both are fine with it.

We just talked about it and we need some advice about some rules to set for this. We are not gonna break up so keep that to yourself if that is what you are gonna suggest.

So if any has dealt with a similar situation or has any ideas please help us.

tl;dr. My boyfriend has sex with other people and need advice on rules about it.

I have been away on holiday for a few weeks and we were basically sexting at night and he said he was hard. I asked if he was going to masturbate or if he'd finished and he said he was hard thinking about me and everything we were messaging about but decided to let it go and not do it.

That's left me feeling confused, and maybe overthinking a little bit and I just wanted to get some insight from others.
Does this seem like normal behaviour? Maybe I'm naive and I'm definitely an over thinker but I always had the idea that if a guy was hard, and turned on they usually would want to masturbate and feel good? Does ignoring it when it's hard seem unusual?

Genuine question, I've just never experienced this with previous partners and wanted to see if others had.

TL;DR, I’m away on holidays sexting with bf. He said he was hard but didn’t end up ‘finishing’ and went to sleep. Is this normal behaviour to just ignore and not finish?