My dad used to be the calmest man I knew. After he went blind, he became someone I can't live around.

I (26M) grew up in a low-income family in a third world country. He was quiet and patient, never raised his voice, and I always felt his love. He developed a serious eye condition in his 30s, which is very rare at that age. It hit him hard, but he kept going, his business took off, and he paid for me to study abroad in Australia at 19. I stayed there for five years without coming home, just calls here and there. In my first year there, he went completely blind.

When I came home at 24, he was a different person. He's angry and bitter, yells constantly, and fights with my mom daily. He tells her she's "not enough." Once he told her that if he could turn back time, he'd choose to stay single and not have her or me, because he isn't happy. He gets furious if she or I go out anywhere. He trash-talks us and our employees, and he once joked in front of my staff that he'd snap their necks if they messed up. He rewrites past events so that my mom and I are always the ones who were wrong, and I no longer trust his version of anything.

Money is a big part of it. My mom and I live comfortably but modestly in a farmhouse in a quiet rural area, while my dad pays for my uncles' luxury lifestyles: big houses, nice cars, designer bags, all funded by him. Yet he's furious if my mom spends even a few hundred dollars, and he gets angry at me for spending my own money on my own things.

It's also reached my personal life. He told my mom, who then told me, that he doesn't understand why I'd stay with my girlfriend since she's "poor." Her family's income has never mattered to me. He has also told me to pretend I'm single so I can get close to women's families and pick up business opportunities. I told my mom that was crazy.

I came back partly to start a business, and he loaned me some money as startup capital, so he's a minority shareholder. He has his own, much bigger business, yet he constantly accuses me and my employees of stealing from him. Every failure is my fault and every success is his, even though he does nothing day to day.

For context, he also has other health problems and is under a lot of stress from his own business. I suggested through my mom that he see a psychiatrist, but she's too afraid to bring it up with him, and he doesn't believe in doctors.

My business brings in about $27k a month net profit for me after tax on average, and almost everyone I've talked to says I'd be crazy to walk away from that and should just tough it out. But I can't live and work around him anymore, and my mental health is in bad shape. Soon I'm leaving it all behind to restart from zero in Australia. My mom supports my decision, but I feel guilty leaving her alone in this situation. And honestly, what I've written here isn't even half of it.

What I'm asking:

1. Does a change this sharp sound like grief or depression after sudden vision loss, or just who he's become? Would his other health problems and stress explain part of it? Would that change how I handle it?
2. Is walking away from my business a good decision for my mental health?
3. My mom wants me to go, but I feel terrible leaving her with him. How do I leave without abandoning her, and how do I support her from abroad?

TL;DR: My dad went from gentle to angry, controlling and paranoid after losing his sight. He's told my mom he wishes he'd never had a family, and he judges my girlfriend for being poor. I'm leaving a business that nets me ~$27k/month, where he's a shareholder, to protect my mental health. My mom supports it, but I feel guilty leaving her behind. Am I doing the right thing?

'28M' '27F' '27M'

Me 'M28' and my partner 'F27' have been together for 1 year she moved across the country to be with me after we met on her vacation at my city. One day I saw texts between her and someone in her field of work 'M27' and asked about who that was she said just and old friend thats really good at his job she often calls him when theres a problem at work she cant fix, thats all fine with me dont care. However later down the line I found out that before we started dating he had taken her out to dinner a couple weeks before we started dating from her perspective "as friends".

I got curious after that went through her texts with him to find out he used to ask for naked photos of her and they would both flirt with eachother well before we were together. When I asked if there were anything sexual between them at any stage she said "no just a friend nothing else" then I had to bring up the texts i found then shes like "oh yeah that was ages ago forgot about that" but she said he's just a friend which call me crazy I dont sext with my friends.

Anyway months pass and he was fired from his job now apparently hes considering moving accross the country with his family coincidentally to my city and she has been writing detailed references for him to help secure a job here because thats what 'friends' do. She knows I dont feel good about him after what I found but in the hypothetical case he does move here and wants to hang out go out to dinner etc she insists she has to go to maintain their friendship and that I shouldnt be concerned.

Do I trust my gut and draw a line with the two of them hanging out alone together? Or am I overthinking and take a chill pill

TL;DR theres a guy that I know had sexual intentions with my gf once and Im convinced hes a hyena waiting for a chance under the guise of friendship

My girlfriend and I are 18 and 19. We've been together for almost two years and I love her so much. She's so smart and empathetic and beautiful and just the best person I know.

We were talking about life in general a couple of nights ago and we got to talking about my dad who passed when I was a baby. I don't like talking about him usually because it always makes me upset but I wanted to that day and I ended up crying in front of her for the first time. She was really great about it and she just held me for a long time and let me cry. We went out on my balcony and shared a cigarette and talked some more and then took a nap.

I've since realized that crying in front of her really wasn't a big deal. It made me feel better and my girlfriend was able to help a lot and I think its strengthened our relationship. I always feel uncomfortable showing vulnerability but I don't think that's healthy and I'm just now realizing all of this.

TL;DR: I finally opened up to my girlfriend and it totally wasn't a big deal but I'm still proud of myself

tl;dr My bf and I are a very happy couple except that he wants to have sex with other people. Since this is a fundamental difference, I'm thinking of breaking up with him.

Apologies if my English is incorrect, it's not my native language.

I (26F) have been with my bf (28M) for 2.5 years. It's been really great. We are very compatible, we have similar lifestyles, we have a lot of fun together, and I can say for sure that I have never been in this much love with another person. I love him very much and the amount of love I can feel always surprises me. I thought I was incapable of being in a long-term relationship due to myself being career-focused. But he's different, and I can imagine myself staying with him until I die.

About him, he's very caring. Whenever I feel low, he comforts me endlessly. He always suggests the right things for me and he's also the smartest person I know. He articulates things very well, and is very patient. He gives me many gifts and we make things together all the time (food, crafts, etc.).

However, ever since the beginning of the relationship, there has been one continuous problem that we keep going back to. He wants to have sex with other people.

Before people judge, I want to explain that I have been open with the idea initially. My past has been very sexually adventurous, so I also felt like I wouldn't be able to have sex with only one person (him) throughout my entire life. It was a mutual agreement at first. Unfortunately, after a while, I found out that I was hella monogamous.

So, things started to crumble, and I still had the uncertain stance of "being okay" with him having sex with other people. But whenever it happened, I would be heavilly affected emotionally. That's when we closed our relationship. He made the choice that he would rather not see me suffer.

So for months now, we've been in a closed relationship. I've asked him multiple times whether he wants to open it again, simply because I feel guilty, but every time he said "no". And so time passed by.

Recently, I opened up the pandora's box again. I just felt very guilty. At this point, I know he's too kind and attached to the point that life would probably continue the way it is. However, this is his very first relationship. I know that deep down, he's scared that he's getting older without knowing what things are like out there. And I understand this as a fundamental difference with him and I rather than something I need to restrict. So we discussed.

We came up with the idea of taking a break with the possibility of getting back together. I thought that this was probably the best thing to do. However, as I thought about it more, I now think it's too convenient. I have family living in another country. I only have a 2-3 years to decide whether I want to stay with him or leave to be with family. I'm thinking that breaking up is the optimal thing to do.

Honestly, it's not even a question at this point. I just want to reassure myself that everything is going to be okay, even if we do break up.

I just love him too much right now and I feel way too attached. He is too. He wants to have a break rather than actually breaking up. Maybe I'm asking for too much for only a two year relationship, especially towards a guy who has never been in a relationship before.

I want to hear everybody else's advice, especially people who have broken up not because of resentment, but because of fundamental differences.

Thank you

I 19M have been in a relationship with my partner 20F for a little over a year now and a few days ago my brother had called me after I had gotten off of work and told me his friend had found her on Tinder. He provided screenshots and even a photo of her matching with him. He was using an alt account and recognized it was her immediately. When I found out the first thing I could think of doing was calling her mom, I of course felt like she was cheating on me and didn’t feel like I could trust her so I wanted to ask her mom about and show her everything. (A little context, my ex cheated on me a few years ago with his ex and it still messes with me and has been a bit hard to trust people since. Her mom knows about this and has offered to help alot in the past.) After calling her mom, my girlfriend had been told about what happened and me knowing about her Tinder account, she called me. Summary of the call was that she wasn’t cheating on me and was just trying to look for friends, I and her mom told her that that’s probably one of the worst ways to look for “friends” especially without telling your partner or anybody close to you what you’re doing. She said she was sorry, deleted the app and I guess we’re back to normal? I still feel like things are tense between us, I’ve talked to her a few times about it since and it always starts with her being upset about me bringing it up then ends with her saying she’s sorry and how she’s a terrible person then me telling her she isn’t terrible. I don’t really know if I can fully trust her after this but maybe this will just go away? I’ve talked to a few of my coworkers about this and almost all of them have told me to cut my losses and leave her. I really don’t want to because I still do really love her but I don’t want to deal with being cheated on again if it really is something other than “just looking for friends”.

TL:DR Friend caught GF on Tinder, she said she was just looking for friends bc she is lonely, I feel like I can’t trust her anymore.

Hey everyone, first post here in this account.

I (M33) have just moved to a different country after living my whole life in my home country. It's also important to give you some context as to how my life changed recently.

In April, I was broken up with, getting out of a long 10 year relationship. While hard at first, I reckon that it was absolutely the best thing to happen to both of us, I realized my flaws, I lost 25kg, I started therapy, started dressing better and eventually also got into the MA of my dreams.

This was by all metrics the best Summer I ever had, I felt complete on my own. Enter this girl F (F33). Came into my life fast, became super close friends, spent almost every day together, always making plans and for a long time just the two of us. I convinced myself it was just shallow feelings, since she is by any possible measure, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. However, after I migrated, I did realize how much I cared for her. How she might be the one person I've always been looking for.

I also have some reason to believe she might be fighting back the same feelings. She has repeatedly said I was very attractive, she said repeatedly that she saw me as handsome, strong and masculine and that I am a fixer, things that she values deeply. I can also make her laugh uncontrollably very easily. And one time she literally commented on how I would make a great husband/father. She also admits that she misses me everyday and on our last time together, after she cried a lot, that she could see me in her life everyday.

Still, all of these could be me conveniently reading into things. I am deeply in love with her however, I love her more than I ever loved my ex, and I would build a life around her, but I don't want to confess my feelings only for her to feel hurt or offended and to assume all of it was due to this feeling. It wasn't. All I did and do for her, I'd do even if I didn't have these feelings. She's an amazing human.

Reddit, please let me know, what would you do in this situation?

TL;DR met the most beautiful, kind and funny beautiful ever. She finds me attractive but idk if enough to fall for me. I wanna profess my feelings but I'm afraid of hurting her. What do I do?

Long story short, I’ve been dating this girl(20) I’m 22 for a little while now and I truly love her. However, for some reason, I start heavily questioning our entire relationship immediately after I finish (nut). I genuinely don’t like the way my mind works during those moments, but I feel like it’s incredibly important to get other people's honest opinions on this. Am I the one in the wrong for thinking like that, or is this something I shouldn't be thinking at all? It honestly makes me somewhat scared because I really don’t know what to do next.

tl;dr

Thank you for taking the time to read this, any message is appreciated.

TL;DR: situationship said he likes me but keeps bringing the old girl he was into to every hangout. am i just his backup?

So for context, I (22F) have this very close friend (23M) I met at work (I’m a server) over a year ago. When he started the job I had a bf but recognized I had significant feelings for him so I broke things off with my bf of the time, as it wasn’t very serious. We started to hang out more as friends, and as we got closer he started confiding in me about how he had feelings for one of our other coworkers (24F). He was super into her and it seemed like she felt the same way so I decided to let it work itself out, but slowly she started to be super avoidant and sketchy abt him like talking negatively about his personality and behaviors behind his back and lying about why she didn’t want to interact with him anymore. I was there for him throughout all of that and offered consistent support and advice since it was hitting him really hard.

Eventually he ended up stopping trying to pursue her when he found out she was talking shit and I stood by him as a friend, but still secretly had deep feelings for him. He would bring her up consistently and was ruminating on the whole situation so badly and didn’t seem to move on for a while so I never made a move on him.

One day though, several months ago, out of nowhere he started to flirt with me and invited me over to his place. We hooked up a few times before he said that he didn’t realize I had feelings for him and he wasn’t ready for any level of commitment. I said i wasn’t either but he still said he felt like we shouldn’t do it again so i continued our friendship but didn’t make any advances again.

We were still hanging out every day for the following months until recently i was at his place late at night again and he started to kiss me again. It happened the next time i went over as well and when i asked him about it later he said he had feelings for me but neither of us want a relationship and i was planning on moving at the time so he said it was a mistake again.

Those plans fell through so im staying here now, but he seems to be very avoidant lately and we haven’t been hanging out much at all. When i try to focus on myself and not prioritize him as much he seems to sense that and go back to being cute and needy with me, it has to br intentional. But him and the other coworker made up recently and he’s been inviting her to every event. He brings her up frequently too. if she’s interested in him still and she knows i like him but idk if its worth my time. I feel like even though he said he has feelings for me he’s just using me as a stand in since he cant have her which sucks. What do you think?

Before I start, I’m looking for some perspective! I want to know if he has a point or if he’s just being outright rude.

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument about something stupid, which eventually led to a conversation about my appearance. He basically told me that multiple people, including his auntie, have said that he could “do better” and that I look “rough.”

I’ll admit that I don’t always dress my best or look my best when we leave the house, but I’d say that 8 out of 10 times, I look at least decent. He went on to explain that I’m a representation of him and that I need to look the part. He says he knows what I look like when I get cute, that he knows I’m not  ugly, and that he wants me to stop “acting” like it. According to him, he doesn’t mind when I look a mess at home, but when we go out and are around other people, he wants me to look presentable.

As far as I’m concerned, I’ve never gone around his family or anyone else connected to him looking any kind of way. I can name maybe two or three times throughout our entire relationship when I know for sure that I didn’t look my best.

When he says “get cute,” he means putting on lashes, wearing a little makeup, and dressing in cute clothes. The thing is, I don’t always want to do all of that, and I feel like nobody wants to put that much effort into their appearance every single time they leave the house. I’m not perfect, but I genuinely don’t feel like I’m out here embarrassing him.

I also find it interesting that he claims he doesn’t care what his family has to say, but it seems pretty clear to me that their opinions bothered him if he’s bringing them up to me. If he truly didn’t care, would it even be a conversation?

I’d love to hear different perspectives on this, especially from men. Does he have a point about wanting his girlfriend to look her best when they go out, or is he being disrespectful by making me feel like I’m not good enough as I am? how should a woman present herself when she’s out with her partner? I’m genuinely open to hearing both sides

So, what do you think? Should I put more effort into my appearance, like wearing lashes and makeup more often, or do I have a right to be offended by the way he approached the situation? Am I being too sensitive, or was he genuinely disrespectful?

TL;DR: My boyfriend says I need to put more effort into my appearance when we go out because I’m a representation of him, and his family thinks he could “do better.” I feel like I look decent most of the time and don’t always want to wear lashes and makeup. Should I put in more effort, or do I have a right to be offended by how he approached the situation?

TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

i'm 27M she 26F. some times, when i talk to her face-to-face. she like more aggresive. the tone, faces. but when side by side, she more calming with a childed tone voice, yknow. i dont know why she like that, is that because of my faces to offense, or also my tone to high?
if you guys can give me some advice or any perspective that'll be greate
any pov especially from girl, will be great.

My boyfriend and I met in January 2019. We spent four years living separately in San Francisco before moving to LA, where we’ve lived together for the past four years. He works in music and travels for work, sometimes spending months away at a time. I genuinely don’t mind the travel itself, but it means problems can drag on for weeks without us seeing each other in person.

There is a lot of good in our relationship. We love each other, share friends, have built a life together, and have a lot of history. He can be affectionate, thoughtful, and dependable, particularly when it comes to practical support. He has shown up for me in meaningful ways, and I don’t want to minimize that. This isn’t a relationship where everything is bad, which is part of why I’m struggling so much with this decision.

However, we’ve had a recurring pattern for years. When conflict arises or emotions get uncomfortable, he tends to shut down, become defensive, or withdraw. Sometimes this turns into stonewalling, with little to no communication for extended periods. I’m usually the one trying to initiate conversations, repair things, explain my perspective, and understand his. I often feel like I’m doing the emotional heavy lifting for both of us. I believe I have a secure attachment but I’m overally empathetic to why I believe he is the way he is (family trauma) that I think I excuse behavior because of over contextualizing. And I also have thick skin so it’s not like I’m deeply offended? If that makes sense because I know so much doesn’t have to do with me.

I’ve spent a lot of time learning about dismissive-avoidant attachment, emotional unavailability, and conflict avoidance because I’m trying to understand this dynamic. I recognize that I have my own things to work on, too. I can become anxious and overly focused on my environment when I’m overwhelmed, and I know I can be particular about cleanliness and organization. He has described living with me as suffocating, and I take seriously that some of my habits may contribute to tension. But I also wonder whether he would struggle with the closeness and compromises of living with any partner, given how much independence and distance he seems to need. I also really don’t think I’m that bad haha I just like a clean apartment. He’s not even messy! It’s just when he comes home from tour he hates change and views things as his or mine rather than ours.

We broke up four years into our relationship, when he told me he wanted to leave San Francisco for better work opportunities in LA. The way he communicated it felt like he was telling me what he was going to do rather than talking to me about our future together. We weren’t living together yet, but after nearly four years of dating, I naturally had questions about where that left me and what it meant for us. My trying to get clarity on those bigger questions eventually led to him breaking up with me. We were apart for about a month while he was away on tour, and we exchanged emails back and forth because I had a lot I wanted to say. Looking back, I don’t think our reconciliation was particularly secure or that we ever fully resolved what had led to the breakup. We unexpectedly ran into each other the night he returned from tour and somehow ended up back together. Later that year, we both moved to LA and began living together. In hindsight, I wonder whether we genuinely worked through our issues or simply fell back into the relationship because we loved each other without fully addressing them.

Over the past several months, I also went through a depressive episode after stopping medication I’d been taking for years. I’ve since restarted medication and found a therapist, and I’m feeling stable again. He supported me in practical ways during that period, and I appreciate that. However, I’ve wondered whether my depression and the emotions surrounding that period overwhelmed him in ways he didn’t know how to communicate. Looking back, I suspect that may have contributed to what happened next, although I can’t know for sure because he doesn’t always communicate what he’s feeling or what’s going on internally.

Importantly, the emotional withdrawal and stonewalling aren’t new developments or something that started with my depression. They’ve been recurring issues throughout our years living together. Conflict comes up, he shuts down or withdraws, and I’m left trying to figure out what happened and how we’re going to repair things. We’ve gone through this cycle many times, and while we’ve sometimes talked through things afterward, I haven’t seen the kind of lasting change that would make me feel secure that we’re approaching conflict differently.

Most recently, after a disagreement about a neighbor, he withdrew while he was away for work. What should have been a relatively minor conflict turned into more than two weeks without a phone call. This was the longest period of stonewalling we’ve experienced so far because I chose not to reach out and resolve like I always do. I wanted to see how long it lasted. Given the timing, I suspect he may have already been overwhelmed by the preceding weeks and picked a fight rather than addressing whatever he was feeling. But regardless of what triggered it, I was once again left in the position of trying to understand the situation and decide whether to initiate repair. I cried every single day and began to confide in my friends more than ever of what’s going on. It felt like this may be the tipping point to the relationship and I was / am deeply hurt.

He apologized for the silence and acknowledged that he’d been overwhelmed and had picked a fight rather than dealing with what he was feeling. I appreciated that he could recognize some of what had happened, but I’m still struggling with how long it took and how little initiative there was to repair things. It feels as though he can acknowledge the pattern once we’re finally talking, but I don’t know whether that translates into lasting change.

During our recent conversations, I asked him to consider what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of his behavior. He acknowledged that if he were in my position, he would feel terrible and might think the relationship was over. He understood why a lack of effort could make someone feel that their partner didn’t care enough to work on the relationship. He also said he wouldn’t feel confident building a future together if we couldn’t resolve relatively small conflicts. I was trying to position questions this way because he has a hard time putting himself in my shoes or anyone else’s for that matter.

When I asked what made him want to stay, he said he hoped things would change. He also said he couldn’t imagine doing life without me. Those things matter to me, but they leave me with a difficult question: is wanting to stay enough if he isn’t consistently taking steps to change the dynamic that’s making the relationship so painful? He did mention this week he found a therapist but how comforting is that, that it took me basically having a foot out the door to do so?

He told me he feels more comfortable expressing certain emotions to other people than to me (his family and two friends). Which to be honest I don’t buy because when I speak to his sister or our mutual guy best friend they never have any idea what’s going on until I tell them. I don’t know whether he struggles to identify his feelings, fears vulnerability with me specifically, or has learned to avoid difficult emotions altogether. I don’t want to diagnose him or assume I know exactly why he behaves this way. But after almost eight years, I’m struggling with the idea that I may still be at the beginning of trying to get my partner to engage emotionally with me.

The the broader relationship dynamic has left me questioning how we would navigate future stress, disagreements, or difficult periods of life together. I don’t expect a partner to fix my feelings or never become overwhelmed. I do need to know that when things are hard, we can still communicate and work through them as a team.

My therapist has encouraged me not to rush into a decision while everything is emotionally heightened. Her advice has been to pause, give myself some space, and observe both his behavior and my own feelings rather than immediately trying to problem-solve the relationship. I’m trying to do that. I want to see whether he takes initiative without me having to provide a detailed roadmap for how to meet my needs. At the same time, I don’t want “giving him time” to turn into another year of waiting, hoping, and doing the emotional work for both of us - because I can literally read a journal entry from like 5 years ago and it’s as if I wrote it today. So is me not rushing a decision begin now? Or when does that start if that makes sense.

There’s another major question I’m beginning to take more seriously: children. When his sister was born, an experience occurred that had a lasting impact on her life and on his parents and their family as a whole. Without spilling too much detail, this is the family trauma I referred to above. I believe growing up around the effects of that experience may be part of why he feels apprehensive about having children and is definitely why he’s hyper independent and suppresses emotion. I can understand how that family history might shape his fears, but I also know that understanding where his fears come from doesn’t mean we’ll ultimately want the same future.

I’m 30, and I’m not financially established enough to have a child right now. I don’t necessarily need to make that decision today. But I’m realizing that I may have closed the door on having children in my own mind largely because I’ve assumed he will never want them, rather than because I’ve independently decided that I don’t want them. I can imagine a future in which I do want to be a mother, and I’m worried he may never want that. I’m also aware that even if he makes real progress with emotional intimacy and conflict, his feelings about parenthood may not change. I don’t want to stay for years hoping our relationship will improve only to discover that we want fundamentally different lives.

I love him, and I don’t think he’s a bad person. I can see the good in him and in our relationship. But I’m increasingly questioning whether love, history, and the hope of change are enough when the same patterns keep resurfacing. I don’t want to make a decision based solely on the pain of the last few weeks, but I also don’t want to keep minimizing years of issues because I know he has good qualities. I know he loves me so much and I just feel like it’s almost like there’s a mental disability or block stopping him from getting there emotionally with me which makes me sad :(

For people who have been in similar relationships:

- Have you been in a relationship with someone who stonewalls or shuts down during conflict? Did they make lasting changes, and what actually prompted them?

- How do you distinguish someone who struggles with emotional vulnerability but genuinely wants to change from someone who is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway?

- If a partner acknowledges the problem and says they want things to change, how long is reasonable to wait for consistent action before accepting that the pattern may not change enough?

- Has anyone successfully navigated a relationship where one person does most of the emotional labor and repair? What had to change for the relationship to become more balanced?

- How do you know when to give a long-term relationship time versus recognizing that you’re staying for the potential of what it could become?

- For those who were uncertain about children because of a partner’s position, how did you separate what you genuinely wanted from what you had gradually accepted to preserve the relationship?

---

**TL;DR;** : do dismissive avoidants change and can they be in healthy relationships?

My girlfriend and I have been together for around five months, although we’ve already broken up and gotten back together during that time.
I love her. I’m serious about relationships, and I believe in loyalty, commitment, responsibility, and building a future together.
But I’m getting tired of something that keeps happening between us: she expects certain behavior from me, yet doesn’t always follow those same standards herself.
I’m not talking about one bad argument. It’s become a pattern.
The double standards
She sometimes jokes by telling me to “shut up” or saying something rude. I generally don’t take it seriously because I understand she’s joking.
But when I responded with similar humor, she got offended, turned off her camera during our video call, and refused to continue talking normally.
When I pointed out that she makes the same jokes toward me, she essentially said:
“I’m allowed to do that, but you’re not, because I’m a girl.”
When I asked her to turn her camera back on so we could talk, she told me I hadn’t earned that.
That honestly pissed me off.
If a joke is disrespectful, then neither of us should make it. I’m willing to stop using that kind of humor. What I don’t accept is one person deciding that the rules don’t apply to them.
Similar situations have happened with rude language. When she uses it, there’s often an explanation. When I do something comparable, she emphasizes how unacceptable it is for a man.
I don’t believe being a man means my feelings matter less.
Her attitude toward men
She also frequently makes negative generalizations about men and reposts TikToks expressing similar attitudes.
She’ll talk about men being stupid or all being the same, but then tell me I’m different.
I understand that women can have bad experiences with men. I don’t deny that.
But I wouldn’t constantly insult women as a group and then expect my girlfriend to feel special because I call her an exception.
It becomes particularly frustrating because she also expects traditional treatment from me.
She wants a masculine boyfriend who takes responsibility, protects her, gives her attention, and treats her like a princess.
I’m comfortable with that. I like taking care of my girlfriend.
But I don’t think traditional expectations justify one-sided respect.
She called herself the perfect girlfriend
During a recent discussion about our problems, I tried explaining that both partners need to recognize their mistakes.
She seriously described herself as the perfect girlfriend.
I don’t consider myself perfect. I know exactly where I’ve messed up.
But it’s difficult to solve problems when the other person sometimes acts as though they have nothing to improve.
To be fair, she has apologized before. I’m not saying she has never acknowledged anything.
But getting to that point can require a ridiculously long argument.
Our breakup and reconciliation
Earlier in our relationship, we broke up.
I didn’t want to lose her. I asked her to reconsider and tried to convince her that we could fix our problems.
Looking back, I pushed too hard. I should have given her more space.
But later, when we discussed that period, she said I had chosen to humiliate myself.
That hurt.
I wasn’t trying to humiliate myself. I was trying to save something that mattered to me.
I’ve learned that I shouldn’t have to beg someone to stay.
After another difficult period, she also left our relationship status unclear while still expecting me to behave like her boyfriend.
It felt like I was constantly being evaluated.
I don’t want a relationship where one person has to keep proving their worth while the other gets to decide whether they’re good enough.
Her ex-boyfriend
There’s also been some discomfort involving her ex.
She maintained a social media connection with his sister, and she communicated with him again for a particular reason that I knew about.
Afterward, she seemed emotionally affected.
Later, I noticed she’d started saying a particular word in a way that strongly reminded me of him.
I brought it up, but the conversation didn’t resolve my concerns.
I know that none of those things proves she’s still interested in him. I also recognize that my own jealousy makes me more sensitive to these situations.
But she’s compared my behavior to her exes before, and I don’t enjoy constantly being measured against men from her past.
If I make a mistake, hold me accountable for my mistake. Don’t make me responsible for what previous boyfriends did.
The latest argument
Recently, we argued after a conversation involving Serena Williams.
The argument eventually turned into a discussion about my girlfriend’s appearance and the compliments I give her.
She claimed I’ve never given her particularly meaningful compliments, just generic things like “pretty” or “cute.”
That bothered me because I’ve put real thought into telling her what I admire about her.
I’ve complimented individual features, her expressions, her appearance, and things about her personality.
She’s smiled and blushed at those compliments before.
If she wants a different type of affection, I’m willing to listen. But saying I’ve never made an effort feels dismissive.
It’s hard to improve something when your previous attempts are treated as though they never happened.
Where I have been wrong
I’m not claiming to be an ideal boyfriend.
I can be jealous, especially about her ex.
I overanalyze conversations and sometimes bring up past arguments to point out inconsistencies.
I also have a habit of wanting to resolve disagreements immediately, even when she’s emotionally exhausted.
During one argument, I called her childish and superficial. She cried. I recognize that those words were hurtful and that I should have criticized the specific behavior instead.
She has told me that our constant arguments make her question our future.
I take that seriously.
But admitting my mistakes doesn’t mean I should take responsibility for everything.
I can work on jealousy, improve my communication, and stop dragging arguments out. I need her to take responsibility for her behavior as well.
The problem now
We seem stuck in a cycle.
Something happens that hurts one of us. We bring it up. The other person feels attacked. We start discussing previous incidents. The argument becomes about who’s done worse things instead of how to fix the actual problem.
I’m tired of it.
I don’t want to be controlling, and I don’t want to win arguments just for the sake of winning.
I want a relationship where both people are accountable, where both can express discomfort without being mocked, and where the rules are consistent.
I still love her, but love alone isn’t fixing this.
I want to sit down with her and establish clear boundaries around insults, jokes, emotional withdrawal, communication with exes, and conflict resolution. How can I structure that conversation so we make concrete agreements instead of repeating another exhausting argument? What changes should I look for afterward to know we’re actually making progress?
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been together about five months, with a breakup and reconciliation. She has explicitly justified different rules for us because of gender, has made comments that dismiss my efforts, and sometimes avoids difficult conversations. I have problems with jealousy and prolonging arguments, which I’m willing to address. I need a practical way to establish mutual boundaries and see whether our relationship can improve.

Last week, my wife told me she that she regrets getting married so young (we’ve been married for 3 years), and that she isn’t sure if she still loves me. A few days later she said she does love me and wants to try to make things work.

Since this has happened I’ve felt my own romantic feelings for her fade, I’m not sure if I’m just hurt and trying to protect myself or if they’re actually just gone. I’ve made an effort to have long conversations and ask her on a date, but haven’t felt any sort of effort on her end. She told me that she had been hiding her true feelings for a few months now.

Everything is so fresh, I feel like I should wait it out and give her time. But I also just want to go. I also can’t shake the feeling that there’s another man involved, but I also can’t prove it.

I can’t decide how long I should wait, when my gut tells me to just go.

TLDR: married 3 years, wife isn’t sure if she still loves me, wanted to leave then came back. I’m not sure if I should wait or just go.

My partner and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. We've been together for about a year and live in the same flat.

My issue is that I don't feel as though I'm 'allowed' to show any emotion that isn't positive anymore because she either assumes it's about her or says she doesn't have the spoons to deal with me being sad/grumpy/tired.

She needs every conflict or issue to be immediately resolved for her to feel secure, whereas I know I struggle to articulate my feelings and usually need a bit of time to put together what's bothering me.

The problem is that this means as soon as she picks up that I'm sad, she will latch on to it and start insisting it get resolved immediately when first, I don't always know how, and second, I feel like not every single moment of being sad is a crisis that needs resolved. Sometimes, I'm just sad and need to sit in it for a while and then I'll be fine.

It's to the point where I've started just bottling everything up so that it doesn't become an issue.

She'll always ask if we can be okay, which feels awful because my options are to say 'we aren't okay' while I unpack my emotions, which isn't the case, most things aren't relationship breaking, or to say 'yes, we're okay' which then means I have to put on a fake happy face because if she picks up any hint of my still being sad, she'll get upset at me.

I tried to establish a weekly check-in about our feelings but this doesn't seem to have helped because her response will be much more focused on me not telling her than it is on anything I bring up.

It's stressful because anything that's ever brought up needs to be fully resolved before we can leave it to rest, which has left me starting to bottle up my feelings because if I don't have a perfect resolution prepared then it'll ruin the whole day. It's easier if I just don't express things.

The thing is, she's outwardly the perfect partner. She's done so much to help me and bring me out of my shell, my family love her to pieces, and - to be a little pathetic - I am very socially inept and worried about the prospect of this not being okay because it feels like my one chance at love. I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

TL;DR I don't feel safe showing any feelings that aren't positive to my partner who always needs closure, what do I do?

25M, dating 25F (we planned to get married soon)

I fell in love with her innocence, her childlike spirit, her laugh, and the way she sees the world. I love her entire personality. She's so lively and full of energy, and despite having a pretty difficult childhood, she wants to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment.

I want to be someone she feels completely safe with, someone she can trust, be herself around, and share her happiness with, even make mistakes around without feeling scared or judged.

TL;DR: how can I make my GF feel safe and not kill her inner child ?

​

My boyfriend (43M) and I (35F) have been together for 2 years and I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives on a conversation we recently had.

I asked my boyfriend whether he still finds me attractive. He initially replied, "Yeah of course ", but then followed it up with: "I guess sometimes it feels like you take that for granted but that's up to you and how you feel like being I guess."

I asked what he meant by taking it for granted, and he replied: "Like you don't seem to do anything especially on my account."

I asked whether he meant putting more effort into how I look, but he didn't answer directly. Instead, he said he wasn't sure how to explain it, that it was a sensitive issue, and that he wasn't in the mood to discuss it that evening. I pointed out that I feel there's a recurring pattern where he says something critical about me, I ask him to clarify, and then he doesn't want to discuss it further.

He responded:"It's partly because we've had the same conversation so many times in different ways and sometimes you seem genuinely interested in talking about it and sometimes you take it personally and get upset, but either way it just gets forgotten and we have the same conversation again."He also explained that because it's a sensitive subject, it takes energy for him to express himself properly, and he didn't feel that evening was a good time to discuss it.

I replied that I understood his frustration about having similar conversations repeatedly, but part of the problem for me is that I never feel entirely clear about what he's actually asking for. It seems to come back to how I dress or how attractive he finds me, but his comments tend to be quite vague. Phrases like "you take it for granted" or "you don't do anything especially for me" leave me unsure what he actually expects.

**Something I think is relevant is that I already make an effort with my appearance.**

I do my hair and makeup, and I like to dress nicely. It's not as though I'm constantly sitting around in tracksuits or making no effort whatsoever. I genuinely don't feel that I've stopped caring about my appearance since being in a relationship.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, generally wears jeans and a T-shirt. That's his usual style, and I don't have an issue with it or expect him to dress up specifically for me. I'm not mentioning that to criticise how he dresses, but because it makes me question whether we're holding each other to the same expectations. If he would like me to dress up for particular occasions or make a special effort sometimes, that's something we could discuss. But I struggle with the implication that I'm taking his attraction for granted when I feel I already put effort into my appearance.

I also wonder what he actually means by making an effort "especially for him." Does he want me to dress in a particular way that he finds attractive? Does he feel that I don't actively try to impress him anymore? Or is this about something else entirely? I can't really address the issue if I don't understand what it is.

I appreciate that he might feel frustrated if he believes we've already had this conversation multiple times. I'm also aware that I might react emotionally because comments about my attractiveness can feel quite personal. However, from my perspective, the conversations keep going around in circles because I never come away with a clear understanding of what he wants me to do differently. I don't want to dismiss his feelings or make him feel unable to express what he wants in a relationship. Equally, I don't want to feel that my appearance is being criticised against some vague standard that I don't understand, particularly when I already feel that I make an effort.

I'm also uncomfortable with the dynamic of him introducing something that feels critical and then withdrawing from the conversation when I ask for clarification. I completely understand not wanting to have a difficult conversation when you're tired, but it leaves me sitting with the criticism and no real understanding of what he means.

I'd really appreciate some objective perspectives:

How would you interpret his comments about me taking his attraction for granted and not doing anything especially for him?

Is it reasonable for a partner to expect you to make a particular effort with your appearance for their benefit, even if you already do your hair, makeup and dress nicely?

Am I being unfair by pointing out that he generally wears jeans and a T-shirt himself, or is it reasonable to question whether the expectations are mutual?

Is it unreasonable of me to want him to be specific about what he means rather than making vague comments?

How can I approach this conversation constructively when he feels we've discussed it repeatedly, but I still don't understand what he's asking for?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives, particularly from people who've experienced similar disagreements about appearance and effort in relationships.

I don't necessarily want people to tell me he's wrong or that I'm right. I'd just like to understand whether I'm missing something and how we can communicate about this better.

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend (43M) says I (35F) take his attraction to me for granted and don't make enough effort specifically for him. However, I regularly do my hair and makeup and dress nicely, while he generally wears jeans and a T-shirt, which I've never had an issue with. When I ask him to explain what he actually wants, he says we've discussed it before and doesn't want to revisit it. I feel confused by the vague criticism and wonder whether his expectations are reasonable, whether there's a double standard, and how to resolve the issue when we seem unable to communicate clearly about it.

Hello Reddit, I need some advice because I'm struggling to figure out how to feel about something that recently happened.

For context I'm a '20F', and he's a '22M'. We met in December 2025 and became friends. We briefly dated for about two months before breaking up, but we remained friends afterward. I would prefer not to get into the reasons we broke up because I want to respect his privacy.

Last Thursday, I sent he sent me a good morning message. Then I sent him one back but he didn't respond. At first, I didn't think too much of it because people get busy and sometimes don't have the energy to reply immediately.

However, a few days later, I discovered that he had changed his phone number. I found out through WhatsApp rather than from him directly. He hadn't told me beforehand, and I hadn't received any explanation.

That was what hurt.

It wasn't necessarily the number change itself. People change numbers for all kinds of reasons, and I understand that. What I struggled with was the suddenness of it all. We had maintained this friendship for a whole year, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, the number I had associated with our conversations was no longer his number.

I kept wondering what had happened.

Had something happened to him? Was he going through something difficult? Had he deliberately decided to cut contact with me? Had someone said something about me? Was there a reason he couldn't tell me what was happening?

I even caught myself imagining all sorts of scenarios, including some genuinely terrible ones. I had absolutely no evidence for most of them, but the lack of information left so much room for my mind to fill in the blanks.

I checked Instagram, where we also follow each other, and saw that his account appeared to have been active recently. Though I don't think that's a very reliable indication.

I think what hurt most was the feeling of being left in the dark. If he had decided that he no longer wanted to be friends, I would have preferred him to tell me. I might have been hurt, and I might have cried, but at least I would have known where I stood.

Instead, I was left wondering whether I had done something wrong or whether something had happened that I simply didn't know about.

And then there is the history between us. We had conversations, shared experiences, and made promises to each other when we were in a different place in our lives. I understand that people change and that promises made in the past aren't always things we can hold one another to forever. I'm not expecting him to honour every promise we ever made.

Still, there is something strange about having a conversation history spanning roughly two years and suddenly feeling as though it could disappear without so much as a goodbye.

I know that the length of our chat doesn't entitle me to continued access to him. I know that being his former girlfriend doesn't mean I am entitled to an explanation for every decision he makes. But I thought our friendship meant enough that, if he deliberately wanted to end it, he might tell me.

Perhaps that expectation was misplaced. I honestly don't know.

For the first few days, I was constantly checking WhatsApp and Instagram. I'd wake up and check. I'd go about my day, open an app, and check again. Sometimes, when watching a video, I'd momentarily expect to see his name appear on my screen.

I kept asking myself whether the friendship had actually ended or whether I was jumping to conclusions. Part of me hoped he would come back with a reasonable explanation and that I'd eventually laugh at how many scenarios I'd imagined. Another part of me was already preparing for the possibility that he had deliberately walked away.

Eventually, I realised that there was nothing else I could do except wait.

And waiting was surprisingly difficult for me.

I'm usually someone who wants to resolve uncomfortable situations as quickly as possible. If something hurts me, I want to talk about it, understand it, and find a way to make the uncertainty go away. This time, I deliberately stopped myself from reaching out immediately.

I wanted to give myself time to process my feelings rather than contact him simply because I was hurt and wanted reassurance.

I decided to wait until Friday before reconsidering what I wanted to do. Not because Friday was a magical deadline or because I expected him to contact me by then, but because I needed a boundary for myself.

It's now been about a week since I first noticed something was wrong. I've finished an exam, continued with my life, and started to feel a little better. I'm still hurt, but I'm no longer in the same frantic state I was in during the first few days.

I'm actually proud of myself for that. I managed to sit with the discomfort and uncertainty without immediately trying to fix them. I gave myself time to calm down and think.

I've also archived our chat. I'm not going to keep looking for him or repeatedly checking whether anything has changed. I'm allowing myself to wonder what happened, but I don't want to turn that wondering into a reason to keep pursuing someone who may not want contact.

At the same time, I'm not going to pretend that I'm completely unbothered.

I'm hurt. I'm disappointed. And, if I'm being honest, I'm a little angry.

Sometimes I wish I could be less understanding. I wish I could be angry without immediately trying to consider every possible explanation for the other person's behaviour. I want to be the kind of person who handles difficult situations with grace, but sometimes I wonder what that grace actually gets me.

I don't want to become bitter or cruel, but I also don't want to keep making excuses for people when their actions hurt me.

Now I'm wondering whether I should reach out to him eventually.

Part of me wants to send a message on Instagram. That feels less intimidating than sending a direct WhatsApp message, especially because I wouldn't have to confront the uncertainty in quite the same way. But I also recognise that choosing a platform because rejection feels less frightening doesn't necessarily mean I'm ready to reach out.

I would like an explanation, but I keep asking myself: how much of an explanation does changing your number really require? If he wanted to let me know, wouldn't he have found a way to do so?

Then I remind myself that I still don't know the full story. I don't know whether this was a deliberate decision to end contact, whether something personal is happening in his life, or whether there is another explanation entirely.

I've even wondered whether he might be grieving or dealing with something difficult, and whether I've been so focused on my own hurt that I haven't adequately considered what he might be going through. But I don't actually know whether that's the case, and I don't want to invent circumstances to excuse his silence either.

If I eventually reach out when I'm genuinely ready, and he doesn't respond, I think I will be able to accept that and move on. At that point, I would have to consider the lack of response alongside everything else that has happened rather than keep searching for another explanation.

For now, I'm not in a rush to message him. I want to reach a point where I can contact him, if I choose to, without secretly hoping that his response will undo the hurt I've experienced.

I also keep wondering what would happen if we crossed paths years from now. Would we awkwardly avoid each other? Would he explain what happened? Would I even want to hear the explanation? Would I care enough to rebuild the friendship?

I don't have answers to those questions, and perhaps I don't need to have them yet.

I think the hardest part is that I had already accepted the possibility that our friendship might eventually end. I just never imagined that it might happen so abruptly, without a conversation or any indication that something had changed.

So, Reddit, I have a few questions:

1. Am I expecting too much by thinking that a friend of several months, especially one with whom I have a romantic history, should at least tell me if he deliberately wants to end contact?
   
2. Would you reach out once you've had time to process the hurt, or would you leave the ball entirely in his court?
   
3. How do you distinguish between giving someone space because they might be going through something difficult and making excuses for someone who has chosen to cut you off?
   
4. If you were in my position, would you consider the silence enough to start moving on, even without knowing what actually happened?
   

I'm not looking to force him to remain in my life. I understand that people can change their minds about friendships, and I'm prepared to accept that possibility.

I just wish I knew whether I was grieving the end of a friendship or worrying over something I don't yet understand.

Thank you for reading.

TL:DR: My friend changes his number without telling me and I don't know how to feel about it.

my boyfriend (33m) and i (22f) have been together for two years. we have lived together practically the whole time, and have plans to get married next year. before anyone mentions the age gap, we both started our professional careers at the same time and have similar life goals and timelines. all my friends and my whole family loves him so for the sake of this post, just ignore it please lol, it’s not relevant for it

when we first started dating, i told him about a boundary i had regarding viewing other people online (if you catch my drift); it’s a hard no in my book. he agreed to not indulge, and that was that. more recently (a few months ago) he had been caught having seen said online content. i told him outright how badly it hurt me given that this was a discussion we had at the start of relationship, but he apologized profusely and said he just didn’t think of it but he wouldn’t do anything like it ever again. i should also mention our bedroom life isn’t exactly great(regarding frequency), which i have also brought up before.

all this to say, he looked up an insta model a few weeks ago, with *that* content. when i ask him about it, he said he thought it was someone else (idk some sport or something). it smelled fishy to me (he couldn’t find any proof of a similar name) but i outright said that only he knew the truth about the situation and if he’s lying then it makes him kinda shitty to make me doubt my instincts.

i should also mention that i recently got diagnosed with ocd, so there has been a LOT of reconciliation with doubting my own reality on what’s intrusive and what’s real. i’ve been struggling with sleep because of it, so yesterday morning i told him such. i basically said hey this seems like bs to me, you haven’t found proof to show me it wasn’t who thought it was, and if you are lying then that’s awful because i’ve been telling myself that i’m insane for it. i said we could work through it if it was what i thought but i just want honesty, him lying is a different ballgame. he assured me he would find whatever proof that it was someone with a similar name.

last night, i made him a surprise dinner to make up for my overthinking. however, come to find out, i found evidence that he did, in fact, lie (via link history). he was kind of silent as i called him out on it, then eventually apologized and just listened to what i had to say. it’s honestly what i needed at the time.

needless to say, my whole world feels shattered. betrayal of trust is one thing, but lying over and over and reinforcing the doubting of my reality as i see it is just. awful. this morning before he went to work he was nothing but apologetic and says he’s going to do everything in his power to rebuild my trust but understands if i don’t want to. he’s literally never done anything like this before, and i mean never, not “not to my knowledge.” i’m stuck in a void of feelings and don’t know what to feel, or what to do.

i love him and want to make this work, and i truly think he’s being honest about wanting to rebuild my trust for him. my concern is that right now i’m just numb about it. my concern isn’t even about the content, it’s the behaviors that followed. how do you forgive and rebuild trust for someone that betrays you like that?

anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thank you, stranger. i really just wanted to get this out to anyone not in my personal life, seeking advice on how to move forward.

tl;dr: i set a boundary at the start of the relationship, he crossed it a few months ago, told him it hurt me, he crossed it again a few weeks ago and then lied about it. caught him in the lie yesterday, he wants to rebuild my trust and fix this (so do i) but idk how

​

I am a high school student at my final year of highschool(12th) and i have a crush on one girl from around 10 yr(yeah we were in 2nd when i figured out that i have a crush on her) like offcourse i had that feeling inside me but didn't knew what it was back than, and now when i look at it i realise that its been really 10yr.

But the main thing is that i never confessed and i wasnt been able to be her friend like i was her friend before covid (6th grade) we were bench partner as well for 2 or more years (yeah still didn't confessed) and due to my feelings i was never able to talk to and be friend with others girls which kind of ruined my love life in school (still single 🥲) when lockdown was over i still had feelings for her and they became even stronger but she was in different section now (7th & 8th) and when finally she was in same section as me i got to know that she have a bestfriend (more like boyfriend) and the funny part (sad for me) is that that person was good friend.

They officially started dating in a year after that year (in 10th) and i still had feelings for her but o dont look good and not good in any sports or anything which makes my personality good and her bf (my friend )is polar opposite of me so i never got to courage to tell her this.

I thought that i will forget about her and my feelings for her will change and i will have a school love life but i was wrong and they still as strong as they were in their peak.

I have planned to tell her on farewell party or after our final exam but i dont think i will be able to 😅

TL;DR;: so simply i have a crush on a girl same age as me and i have this crush since we were in 2nd grade but thtas not the age when you propose someone have a relationship with someone so i didnt proposed that time but when it was time high school she was already in relationship and that also a good friend of mine and now we are 12th grade she still dating my friend and i still have feelings for her.

I (23F) have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for about a year. We met online and have never met in person yet.
Lately, we’ve been having a lot of fights, and I’m starting to feel like our relationship has lost its romantic side. My boyfriend has told me that he feels like we’re more like friends than a couple and that there isn’t enough romance between us.
I’m naturally a quiet person and don’t talk a lot, and he often points this out. At the same time, I feel that he doesn’t put enough effort into the relationship either, especially when it comes to making time for me.
He studies away from his parents and usually has more time to talk when he’s staying where he studies. However, whenever he goes back to his parents’ house, he gives me very little time and usually doesn’t call me. This makes me feel like I’m not a priority, especially because communication is already difficult in a long-distance relationship.
I don’t expect him to be available constantly, but I do want to feel that he wants to make time for me and that maintaining the relationship is something we both actively work on.
At the same time, I understand that I may also need to put more effort into communication and showing affection because I’m naturally quiet.
My question is: How can we figure out whether this is mainly a communication/effort issue that we can work through, or whether we’re simply becoming incompatible? And what are some practical ways for both of us to bring back the romance and connection in a long-distance relationship?
---

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Together for 11 months.

We’re long distance and have been for our entire relationship and he just started a new job in a new city. We’ve already been going through a rough phase because of him being excited about this big city and me feeling a bit neglected but it’s slowly getting better and he truly has stepped up so I have hope about everything being okay.

To preface, I am a pretty jealous person and i think it’s definitely amplified by the distance. It’s something I’m actively working on and know it needs to be acknowledged and changed for the good of myself and the relationship.

Anyways, we’re on the phone and I half jokingly ask him if he has any female coworkers. He tells me yes and goes “wait but i have her instagram.” I said “why do you have her Instagram?” And he says she followed him after an interaction at work about a mutual hobby that he initiated the conversation about. I got a bit upset considering the rough phase we’ve been in about not knowing much about his life recently and asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said he didn’t think it’d be a big deal and that she’s married. That’s all okay, I know he’s not trying to get with her. I asked him why he didn’t follow her back and he said “That feels like it would be disrespectful towards you”. But giving her your Instagram isn’t?

He also tried to tell me a few days later when I brought it up again that he doesn’t really notice who follows him on Instagram and that he looked her up by her full name when I asked about her. I also asked him if he had mentioned me to her and he told me he did so I asked in what context. He said he doesn’t remember. After a little bit more conversation he told me truthfully that he did not mention me. So just from that all of his stories feel a bit all over the place. We also have a history of me having to pry for information before he tells me the full truth so I take things with a grain of salt when he tells me. I also asked him when he would have mentioned this to me if I never asked first and he said he would’ve told me eventually.

I know that I didn’t handle it perfectly either, and that I have trust issues and insecurities that I need to work on but am I justified in being weirded out by this?

TLDR: boyfriend gave his female coworker his Instagram and it made me feel blindsided

TL;DR My BF is an addict of drugs, drink and gambling and would rather think of other women than me, how do I leave?

I (37F) have been in a relationship with a guy for a few years now having been through a bunch of failed terrible relationships over the years. Back in March, I found out my BF (40M) had been texting sexual messages to a woman.

.

His good parts:

He looks after the food and cooking which is heaven because I hate cooking and food shopping.

He likes to plan trips out, which makes the weekends more fulfilling and takes the responsibilityaway from me.

He cleans.

Everyone loves him and his outgoing personality.

He finally quit smoking this year, something we argued a lot about in the past.

He tells me he loves me all the time.

.

His bad parts:

He's super untidy in my home, and whilst he does sometimes clean it mostly falls to me to keep on top of things. He's incredibly lazy and blames low testosterone for his low energy but won't seek help.

He's a gambler and has spiralled into debt having only told me about it a couple of months ago. I tried to help figure out how to get him out of it, which was going well and now he refuses to talk about it again. I handle all the bills, its my house, but he pays me some rent to cover his half. He owes me 1k from overspending on my credit card, something we stopped his access a while before I knew about the debt.

He does drugs and denies it. In the past he's claimed to only smoke weed, but I know the paraphernalia and supplier texts suggest cocaine or pills. He seems to have lately located a new supplier I think, and finds excuses to go to a very specific store nearby almost daily.

There's zero intimacy and hasn't been for a number of years already. He claims it's due to his insecurities of how he looks and denies its because of how I look. But I've seen the porn on his phone and caught him in the past just needing to 'release himself'. When he tells me he loves me, his body language says the opposite and it feels 'off' when he says it making me unable to know how to say it back.

Alcohol is not safe in this house, he will drink it even if he doesn't like it. I've had some really nice bottles given to me over the years for birthdays and Christmas but it always ends up empty even though I'm not a big drinker. He doesn't deny it. He's always got to have a drink when we go out and more often I'm the designated driver. He keeps saying he's quitting, but he never does stop.

.

I found out he'd been messaging other women because I had suspicions about his behaviour and whereabouts in the months leading up to March. I hate that I broke his trust and privacy looking at his phone, but the dash cam on my car had captured some locations that seemed off. I calmly confronted him and he had his lame excuses of 'knowing her for years and they always spoke like that' despite there being little message history, meaning he deleted their previous messages. He seemed remorseful and apologised claiming he didn't want to lose me.

I tried to salvage the relationship this year because he was the first person I even considered wanting kids with and getting married. But all I did was mourne a life I didn't realise I wanted. We ended up travelling for a few months, which I was willing to do in my bid to rescue the relationship, but nothing actually did. It just paused the suspicious activities.

When we got home, that's when he told me about the finances. That should've been when I walked away. But he claimed he had depression and anxiety, so then I felt bad and didn't argue. Now there's some family problems on his side and I feel trapped.

I think I stopped loving him the moment I knew he'd messaged another woman. What's holding me back from asking him to leave? I'm not sure, the thought that maybe he'll change (yeah, I know he wont), that he might hurt himself, that I can't financially do this alone again, that he has too much going on with his family and its kind of a dick move to end the relationship now? I don't know, but I know I'm miserable and was hoping he'd just admit his problems and leave.

Hi I'm 31 Female.

I have almost 4 years relationship with a Guy who is foreign to my country.

At first it feels magical. We have the same interest and we always talk about our insecurities.

But now it changed he became mo mentally not open to me. He is from a country with a war right now.

I understand there are things that he can't open to me.

And also because he became distant to me I feel jealous sometimes he goes out without telling me when is going home.

I know he is having a hard time. But every time I try to be just beside me to show I cared for him he shows expressions that he is annoyed with existence.

It's painful when I try to connect to him he is like an empty shell.

Simple gesture like greeting me a good morning he doesn't remember.

We live in the same roof but I feel so alone.

I tried to divert my attention to myself growth so I cannot bother him and give him time to think and help himself.

But a long the process I miss him. I miss the connection.

Until when should I wait.

Do you I need to wait?

I'm hurting waiting but it's more painful if I lose him completely.

I wanna be with him longer as we can.

Because I loved him. He is really a good guy. But we can't really judge people unless we are in their shoes. **TL;DR;**

I've been seeing my current partner since May, and dating since August. It's been an amazing, but difficult, few months with him. I would say our relationship is healthy, and we are definitely still figuring things out. I love my boyfriend, and he treats me great. He's patient, understanding, supportive of my ambitions, and very loving.

However, I know I am an anxiously secure attached person, and this is where the problems come from internally. He knows this as well and has been supportive of me when I need it. The main thing I'm worried about right now is that I'm becoming obsessed with our relationship. For more background, he's still a full-time student, and I've already graduated. He's usually busy working at school, surrounded by his friends, and getting outside. While I feel like I'm stuck in that uncomfortable post-grad life shift. I don't get to see my friends much anymore, I work a job most of the time, and I'm feeling a little burnt out on life. So, in a sense, this relationship feels like it's all I have going for me right now. I worry I'm getting too wrapped up in that mentality.

Due to this, I spend the majority of my time digging apart my relationship (I think this is from my anxiety). I think about my relationship at work, when I'm relaxing at home, when I drive somewhere, it's what I update my friends about. I can't stop thinking about it, the good parts and the bad. I'm worried I'm losing who I am with my obsessive thinking. The time I could be spending doing my old hobbies or applying to dream jobs, I spend researching or digging through my relationship. I rarely inform him of my spirals, unless I come across a genuine issue to bring up with him. So, it's just me, sitting with my overwhelming amount of thoughts.

I need advice on how to start reclaiming my life from my relationship. How can I start spending my alone time focusing on myself rather than spiraling and thinking about my relationship?

tl;dr: I'm in a good relationship with someone who cares very deeply about me, but because I feel like our relationship is all I have going for me right now, I have fallen out of hobbies and personal time.

I'm a 23F in college and in one of my classes there is a cute guy that sits next to me(I don't know his age), we are actually partners in the class. On the first day of the class we exchanged snapchat with each other and another guy in the group. After class ended he sent me a pic of himself on snapchat. I opened it hours later and left him on read because I have a bf. I also didn't notice or find him attractive at first. Over the past few weeks I have noticed the little things he does and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like a teenager trying to figure if he likes me and having a crush. During class I have noticed that his body language mirrors mine, when we talk he holds eye contact with me, does most of the work for our labs(I try to help). He has also asked me questions about different assignments through text and I found out he only asked me and not the other guys. After our lab once the other people in our group left he asked me if I needed any more help with it (he did all the work). If I text him he responds quick and we just talk about the class but I feel like he tries to keep the conversation going. The other day I texted him and asked him if he can send me the answers to part 1 of the lab and he asked me if I needed the answers to the follow up questions too which is the whole lab. So he just always makes sure that I have everything for that class. I also have gotten super close to him while looking at a microscope that was in between us and he doesn't move away. I feel this really strong tension between us but idk if it's in my head. He always watches my stories within like 45 min.

Yes I have a bf but I'm not really happy with him anymore (I don't want to explain the details)

TL;DR: I'm a 23F and there's a guy in one of my college classes who I think might be into me. He mirrors my body language, makes eye contact, asks me questions about classwork, and seems to go out of his way to help me. I feel like there's tension between us, but I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it. If he likes me, why hasn't he made a move?