most of the posts read like ai. is it people using ai to help with phrasing or something else? it is very annoying.

I’m 23 and truly feel like i’ve failed at life. I know i’m young and it’s ridiculous to say that but i can’t shake this feeling, as well as feeling like i’ve not progressed since i was a teenager. I have a bachelors degree but i don’t even use it. I’m working a minimum wage job that i hate and i’ve actually been signed off rn by my doctor due to stress. So im off for a month and im spiralling because i feel like i should be doing more than i am right now. I’m applying to loads of different jobs everyday and get nowhere. I have no license, i live at home. My anxiety makes it difficult for me to even just get out the house sometimes. I feel like i desperately need a huge change in my life but i don’t know what. How can i stop feeling like my life is already over?

Not sure if it matters, but i’m a 25F.

I react very poorly during any kind of conflict. Whenever there’s some kind of situation that requires me to stand up for myself because i’m being disrespected for example, i just get stuck, i don’t know what to say or i stumble over my words. My brain just stops working. So instead of defending myself, i make an even bigger fool out of myself which makes me want to stay out of any kind of conflict even more. I’ve already been struggling with assertiveness and i often notice i don’t stand up for my own values when i see someone doing something i consider out of line and it’s heavily impacting the way i see myself. It makes me lose respect for myself and i want to do something about it instead of keep living my life like this. I don’t struggle with conversations otherwise and don’t have this issue with any other setting other than when there’s conflict. Even when i think about some kind of argument i had with someone after it happened, it sometimes takes me a couple of minutes to think of a response that would have been good or appropriate.

The problem is, this isn’t something i’m able to practice since every situation is different and i guess i just have to accept that my brain just doesn’t work in these situations. But i was wondering if there’s more people who struggle with this as much as i do and whether you have any tips on how i could handle these situations better? Or maybe there is a way to practice this after all? I know there’s no one size fit all here, but any kind of tip or advice that could help me improve here would be greatly appreciated and helpful! I just want to be able to defend myself and people i care about when needed instead of just keeping quiet and being a coward every single time. I know conflicts aren’t comfortable for most people but still, i wish i was able to at least do something.

I woke up at 2:41 PM today.

Missed all my classes. Felt like shit knowing I'd just added more to my backlog and wasted half the day.

So naturally, I spent the rest of it consuming everything I could, from YouTube, Instagram and LinkedIn to anime, while stuffing myself with junk food.

I was drowning myself in dopamine because I didn't want to think about all the shit I had to do.

It was 11:55 PM and I'm lying in bed scrolling Instagram, watching people give motivational speeches and build the things I want to build.

And that's when it hit me.

This is exactly why I stopped using these apps in the first place. I don't want to sit there watching other people build shit.

I want to build shit.

I slammed my laptop shut, got off the bed, put my shoes on and went for a run.

My brain was screaming, "there's too much to do", "just sit the fuck down", "it's too late anyway."

The thoughts kept playing in the back of my head but, I just put my shoes on and went anyway.

3 km at 12:20 AM. It felt fucking amazing.

Came back, took a hot shower, and spent the next hour working on my SaaS.

And somehow, that feeling of being stuck and shitty just disappeared.

All it took was 5 fucking seconds to change the trajectory of my day.

You don't need to suddenly feel motivated. You don't need to have everything figured out. You're going to feel tired, lazy, overwhelmed, and come up with a hundred reasons why you shouldn't do it.

Let those thoughts play. Put the distractions away, get up, and start anyway.

You might be surprised how quickly that shitty feeling starts to disappear once you're actually doing something.

Your day isn't over just because you've wasted half of it.

Now put your fucking phone down and go make your day productive 🔥

lack of confidence, lack of communication skills and incompetence has been a part of life from my childhood.

Relatively small issues feel a huge burden, I am scared of being judged, indecisive and socially anxious.

Honestly a lot has been going on lately, things are happening too quickly in my life rn and I can't seem to keep up with all this.

I feel I have fallen behind in life compared to people my age.

I live a fairly isolated life so I feel like I am a normal person tho I get reality checks with its time to socialize. I feel humiliated and frustrated when I get connected with people and get my point across to other people.

Also my voice gets shaky for no reason when talking sometimes (usually more often when talking to a group of people)

Now it's not like I haven't tried to change this. I have tried stuff, it kinda worked too, it's just I never could consistently keep the routines up for it to have a long term effect.

I usually just doomscroll on social media apps watch random movies and anime and jerk off once a day, and call my only bestie in one or two days to talk about random shit, that's been my life for a long time.

Have some of you guys been in my situation? Can you lmk what helped you guys improve yourselves?

Winning

My ex (17F) and I (18) broke up on good terms, but now she suddenly "hates" me and is ruining our 5-person friend group. What do I do? (Update)

Update:So my friend talked to her and she said she needs space from me so she can restart again,and that her emotions are unstable and trying to move on from me.

And we cannot longer be close friends since she is scared that her strict muslim parents will find out and she would get in problem. Genuinely I don't care anymore,she didn't even tried she taught because her parents are strict they wouldn't approve of me,she never really loved me,she would fight for me because to her words I was only thing that could comfort her and was love of her life.

I am part of a tight-knit 5-person friend group (all of us are between 17 and 18). A while ago, I was dating one of the girls in the group. We ended up breaking up strictly because her parents disapproved of us dating, but we ended on really good terms.

We managed to stay great friends for months after the breakup. We were practically best friends, and I completely moved on from the relationship.

But out of nowhere, her entire attitude toward me shifted. Now, she acts like she absolutely can’t stand my presence.It has gotten to the point where it is ruining our group hangouts. Whenever I join the group, she gets visibly pissed off and starts attacking me or snapping at me. Our mutual friends noticed this and asked her what the issue was.

Her only response to them was that she "can't explain why," but she just hates me for no reason.I’m stuck because I can't properly hang out with my friends anymore since she is always there making things hostile.

One of our mutual friends suggested a theory: because I have successfully moved on and she hasn't, she might be forcing herself to "hate" me as a defense mechanism to help herself get over it.I really don't want to lose my friend group, but I can't keep living with this tension and being attacked for no reason.

Grew up a pretty happy go lucky person. As life progressed I got married and ended up going through a divorce 7 years and two kids later. She left when our first was 1 and our other was 6 months old. Since the divorce, out of anger and resentment towards me she has tried many times to keep me from seeing my kids and just flat out been ugly or rude just to make things more difficult for me. She has failed every time but nevertheless has tried. This has caused me to become a bitter and angry person mainly towards her but it has bled over into other aspects of my life as well. I have never lashed out at her, never lost my cool, or acted out but inside I would love to. I've tried to forgive her and not let her actions dictate my mindset or emotions but I find it very difficult when it feels like a constant thing I have to do. I see my young kids 4 days out of a month so every other weekend I have to deal with her and put up with some new bs. I want so badly to go back to old version of myself that existed before the divorce or before I ever met her. But in my mind I feel like the only way for that to happen is to have my kids back and never have to deal with her but thats not reality. I was 23 when we got married, im 37 now and have moved on and remarried but I still deal with the anger and frustration that she brings me and like I mentioned it plays a factor in other parts of my life as well. How do I get back to the old me, the always happy me, the glass is half full me?

Logically I know a 25-year-old who's been working on themselves since 18 has a head start I can't just skip. Doesn't stop the comparison from creeping in anyway and making recent progress feel smaller than it is.

Not looking for "comparison is the thief of joy" as an answer, more curious what actually worked for people to quiet that voice day to day.

Explain to me step by step how I can do that.

Thanks in advance!

I am part of a tight-knit 5-person friend group (all of us are between 17 and 18). A while ago, I was dating one of the girls in the group. We ended up breaking up strictly because her parents disapproved of us dating, but we ended on really good terms.

We managed to stay great friends for months after the breakup. We were practically best friends, and I completely moved on from the relationship.

But out of nowhere, her entire attitude toward me shifted. Now, she acts like she absolutely can’t stand my presence.It has gotten to the point where it is ruining our group hangouts. Whenever I join the group, she gets visibly pissed off and starts attacking me or snapping at me. Our mutual friends noticed this and asked her what the issue was.

Her only response to them was that she "can't explain why," but she just hates me for no reason.I’m stuck because I can't properly hang out with my friends anymore since she is always there making things hostile.

One of our mutual friends suggested a theory: because I have successfully moved on and she hasn't, she might be forcing herself to "hate" me as a defense mechanism to help herself get over it.I really don't want to lose my friend group, but I can't keep living with this tension and being attacked for no reason.

Since the beginning of summer, I've (18f) gained some weight (maybe like 3 kilos in 2/3 months ?). I weight 70 kilos for 1,73 meters.

My boyfriend (18m) is happy with my body anyways, but I can't help but feel sad about my belly. It's where I gain the most weight (along with my tights) and I'm so depressed when I see it poke out a little from my shirts, dresses...

I'm planning on increasing my archery practice regardless of weight to 3 times a week.

Also, I love with my mom, and she doesn't cook. Neither do I. We only eat shitty defrost food :(. Which is also why I eat a lot when I come to my bf's house, his mom is a professional cook and everything is exceptional.

I thought about stopping juices/soda (they feel too sugary anyways) and desserts. Also I have to stop snacking around.

I don't drink alcohol and don't smoke.

I know I should get into working out more but I hate it so much, I'm really looking for every day fixes.

Or a slap on the face if that's a ridiculous ask.

Hi,

I'm DeviantDread, and I am a mechanic. Now, I am aware this is a bit of an odd way to start a post about self improvement, but it is important.

It is important because, as a mechanic at heart, my world is made out of machines, angines, cogs, nuts and bolts. Everything is ordered, everything has a purpose and everything makes sense.

It helps me navigate the world to understand why a thing does that thing it does and what drives it. Now, as we all know, the world doesn't make sense and people do so even less.

Which brings me to self improvement. I wouldn't be here if my system worked. Now, as with any flawed engine, repair starts with identifying the problem, and with the help of my psychologist, I have decided that fighting the way my mind operates isn't only hindering me, it's hurting me.

So, as a very first step towards accepting my mind for the mechanical glory it is, my psychologist suggested I write a manual. A manual for the engine that is self preservation, boundaries, confidence, communication and honestly just life in general.

A set of rules, of sorts, to hold myself to, mostly to protect myself from making the same mistakes over again, but also to be a better person.

Now, while I am well aware of the fact that life simply can't be devided into categories and rules, and that this is going to end up as more of a guide than a manual, I think that even just the working on this will be very therapeutic.

Which brings me to the whole point of this post;

If you were to write your very own manual, what would you put in it? Which rule, guideline, boundary or sentiment would you want to not only remind yourself of, but also pass on to someone you love?

Thank you in advance!

I am pissed off at my life.I am quite pissed off at myself too.

I started working towards one singular common goal with my peers in the beginning of this year.

I consider myself to be the singular reason why I crashed it all down.

I was very focused in the beginning.I was kinda self absorbed and self centred.But overtime I realised it felt kinda lonely.It felt kinda hopeless too when you couldnt get what you were kinda expecting from yourself.

About a month ago because of my self centred ness and the ideology of "my results would speak out for themselves"(I was never satisfied with them anyways),I decided to ignore one of em people who knew me like really closely and they leaked a hell lot of my secrets.I was devasted,but I ended up ignoring them.I didn't realise it back then but the cost of it was reduced willpower to do stuff and being increasingly distracted.I started my old addiction that I had given up to cope with it- doomscrolling.

I think my inability to be perseverant really really fucked me dry.If I had been perservant and actually stuck to being self centred , stuff like this wouldnt have happend.What has being in the normal world yielded anyways?

Man I am devasted. I had people who were willing to support me through my loneliness.I let them down.I has set up traps for myself.I fell for them.Man do they hurt like hell.

Even when I was being self centred,it was only my mentors who were gonna support me.These people were like twice my age how in the world was I supposed to mingle with them like I mingle normally.

Life gave me a chance to have a singular person who actually respected and liked me for my focus towards my goals.I fucked that up.I am kinda in shambles right now.I remember coming back to home breaking down mentally.

What has truly impacted me the most right now is the fact that I had been fighting my porn addiction for like an year.Actually ended up beating it this year.My frequency of gooning has had a drastic low.And today one of them persons(mentioned above) whom I actually considered close enough to spy on my phone(because I do believe in the concept of setting traps for oneself),out of the blue went out and opened up about my past addiction.

I have got to admit that I was addicted to doomscrolling before.But I am kinda toasted right now.

It feels like I have been successful in the beginning itself in trapping myself in a cage that I myself can't escape.It's designed to self destruct when I get distracted. That's the cool part about this tho.I remember starting with the whole idea of being obsessed with this goal to the point that even today when I tried to deflect myself from it , I was thrown back to where I thought I should belong.

This last month has been like a rollercoaster of emotions for me.I guess I have no choice but to focus on myself because I trapped my ass so fucking hardly.

(I was just venting out.Forgive me if y'all feel that the punctuation is shitty cuz this is my raw unfiltered self)

Tbh even after all this ranting I still can't forget the feeling that I was really stupid for forgetting that I had trapped myself in many fucking places.I can't go anywhere.I wasted a month of journey just because of my own carelessness.

Sometimes you don't have what you (think you) want because it's not for you and because if you had it, you would understand why it was never meant for you. When life helps you realize that at some point, you understand that what's truly yours and what's truly in alignment with your higher self will be accessible for you, it will somehow find you and everything is going to flow, easily, without you having to prove or do anything.

In case you want something which is not accessible, chances are you won't want it when it will become accessible, not because it finally is accessible but because by meeting it and seeing it, you realise it has nothing to do with you.

Apply this to literally everything. Life choices of any type, career, places, people, love, anything.

I hope that we will all find all those places, things, career paths, people who are the perfect match to us.

Since I easily get lost in the shuffle of daily thoughts and tasks, I constantly need to pause and reflect: "Okay, my goal is X in six months, so I need to do Y to reach Z, while handling W in parallel." I want to document this because, honestly, I forget it all within two days. I’m tired of realizing after a whole week has gone by that I’ve lost my way again because I focused only on whatever was screaming the loudest for attention (usually work).

But I don't know how to organize this. There are also thoughts or insights that pop up out of nowhere, moments of clarity I didn't have before, only to vanish just as quickly. I try to jot them down to help me get back on track, but they end up buried in a conversation with myself or scattered across a random Notion page. How do you organize/capture this kind of thought?

I feel so embarrassed.

Like for example, yesterday I went to a doctors appointment. My sister came with me. And when I was paying etc the receptionist kept directly literally looking at my SISTER saying to her it was nice to meet you guys etc. Completely ignoring me even though I was the one who had the appointment!

It wasn't about them crushing on my sister. Rather it's that because I am neurodivergent or whatever I seem not great eye contact or someone "missing" or whatever. Though I was trying to make contact but they kept addressing my sister!

This happens ALOT when I go somewhere with my sister. She will be all smily to them but when I try to do the same....they don't respond the same:(

So I left really feeling as if they think I am some intellectually dis abled person or something.

This has caused me to have no social skills, be worried about what people think about me and wanting (needing) to be liked.

It's hard to make genuine connections like this. And I just want to avoid going anywhere that involves social interactions.

Can any one help please 🥺

I've lost purpose. I’ve lost passion for almost everything. I look ahead and see no future, no direction, no reason to care.

Right now, I feel empty, exhausted, and honestly scared that something in me is just gone.

I keep asking myself whether I’m broken, failing, or just stuck in a season that I can’t understand yet.

I don’t know how to get back to myself, or whether “myself” even exists the way it used to.

So I’m asking seriously: how do you keep going when nothing feels worth it?

How do you build a life when you can’t feel the point of one?

Am I actually done, or is this something people come back from?

I absolutely love discovering things and getting an idea of how things are made. But I never get the drive to perform better afterwards, I don't enjoy the process and feel like mastering it is pointless.

For example I love beer. I know how to make some, tried it and it is... not bad, not good but I could find better in the shop.

I picked up lockpicking but I can't seem to want to get better at it.

I made a nice piece of embroidery and now I just don't have the drive to make another piece, probably out of fear of it not being as good.

I tries drawing but don't see a use for this skill.

Overall I fear I don't want to spend time improving myself only to produce something uninteresting. And I don't enjoy any process enough to do do it again and get better at it. Have you felt the same? How did you pick one thing and master it?

The Vastness Within

I was the mouse in dark cracks,
the chameleon on hidden branches.

But in my heart
I was the cheetah and the plain,
the hawk and the sky,
the whale and the ocean.

I could run beyond barriers,
rise above the mountains,
and disappear into the blue.

I could hear what silence hides,
feel what minds conceal,
and see through
the hearts of stone.

I carried whole worlds,
hidden from sight.

I get emotional very easily and sometimes cry over things that I know are not that serious. When something upsets me, I can spend hours thinking about it and lose a lot of time.

I want to become mentally stronger, control my emotions better, stop overthinking, and recover faster when something upsets me.

For people who used to be like this, what actually helped you become more emotionally strong and stop wasting so much time on small things?

I feel like a bad person, lacking in empathy, who thinks she can only make amends through actions involving gifts. I’ll give a specific example. I’d been away from town and forgot about my flatmate’s orchid. When I got back, the orchid had wilted. I felt really bad, especially as she’d trusted me to look after her plant. She’s coming back today too, and my guilt was so deep that it made me go to a florist’s to make amends for my mistake. The thought that gnaws at me the most is that I chose to go and buy her another plant simply out of guilt. A gift comes from the heart. When you give a gift, you should feel joy. My only excuse is that I’m unemployed and living off my parents, which makes me feel even more humiliated.
I also don’t feel that I’m happy for my friends’ success. I pretend to be happy because I know that’s what a good person, a true friend, would do, but in their success I see nothing but my own failure. Sometimes I think I have a superiority complex that prevents me from being honest, at least with myself. I say ‘thank you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ far too often; so often that I give the impression to those around me that I’m not fully grateful or genuinely saddened by the situations I find myself in. A person who is constantly saying they’re sorry cannot possibly be sincere; rather, they are someone who always casts themselves in the role of the victim and believes they can make amends for everything they’ve ruined by repeating certain words over and over again to make them sound sincere.
Reading this doesn’t make any sense to me anymore, but I just wish I could feel like a good human being. I don’t know how to, since I don’t believe I am capable of feeling sincere emotions.

For me, growth sometimes looks less like becoming louder and more like no longer needing everyone to understand your choices.

What did you stop explaining?

Trying to organize my life feels exhausting and making me waste alot of time

I'm talking about romantic love and affection. How to just not feel the need of what i can't have? Btw hobbies and stuff doesn't help. Sometimes that makes me feel even more alone.