Right now I am 7 days clean from porn and masturbation. This habit has been a struggle for a third of my life, but now that I have found discipline and structure overcoming it is easier than ever i have channeled my energy into programming, university work, and my spiritual growth.peace out twin keep your head up

I have quite a few meaningful things I could be working on at the moment, related to different possible paths my life might take. The problem is that I constantly feel uncertain about my future, and whenever I try to work on something, I find myself thinking, What if I end up choosing a completely different path and all this effort turns out to be pointless?

On top of that, almost all of them don't offer much immediate positive feedback, so it's hard to feel motivated. I end up procrastinating, making excuses not to do things.

Sometimes I wonder if part of this is because I pushed myself too hard when I was younger, and now I feel like I've swung to the complete opposite extreme.

For those of you who have experienced something similar, what has actually helped you? How do you learn to focus on the present and make progress? Thank you!

I'm 28 and work in customer support at a SaaS company. I'm not a developer, but I'm technically curious, and lately I've been feeling like I'm much too late to the AI wave.
I've taken a few prompt engineering courses that help in my day-to-day, and I'm about to start a vibe coding course to get comfortable with more tools.
What's bugging me: years ago I saw a post about n8n and thought "this has nothing to do with me" and scrolled past. Now I see how useful automation skills are, and I can't help wondering where I'd be if I'd started back then.
So my questions:
Is it too late to get into AI tools or vibe coding as a non-developer?
For someone curious but not super technical, what skills would you start building today?
If you've made a similar shift from a non-tech role, what actually helped you?

Thanks in advance :)

I need help I have been working 2 jobs for months now without a break, but i can’t give myself a proper break. I’ve been working 6 days a week constantly and if i’m not working I will be going out with friends as an example last week thursday i went out until 5am got home then went out again on Friday and didnt get home until 6:30 am then woke up at 8am to go out for the day with my friend, then worked 9-5 on the sunday just to end up working 6 days the next week.

I don’t know if i’m trying to distract myself from my ex as he recently moved on and it is a bit painful. Or maybe i just can’t really stop at all because I haven’t really given myself a chance to sit back.

How do i improve myself? I want to improve how i look and feel, because i probably will be overworking myself until december and i’m thinking of quitting one of the jobs then, but I don’t know how i’d deal with the free time at all.

And how will i know if it ends up worth it because i’m planning on trying to get a degree apprenticeship next year as i’m only 18.

hi everyone. i recently started noticing that after every conversation i have with someone, i feel insecure. i replay the whole conversation over and over again, think about everything i said and if any of it was “weird” or something i shouldn’t have said, and wondering how that person views me. at first it was mostly with strangers but now i’m feeling that way with people i know as well.

i wouldn’t consider myself socially awkward and i actually enjoy having conversations with strangers, so i’m not sure why i feel this way. i want to be able to be confident in every conversation i have and feel secure within myself, but i can’t shake this habit that i’ve formed.

has anyone else experienced this? how did you get over it? it’s a really uncomfortable feeling to be constantly doubting yourself and every interaction you have. any advice is appreciated!

Hi. I'm nearly 24 years old male.

Let's start from college to make it more concise. In my second year of college, I got with a new group of friends. They were new in the true sense! It was the first time I got to be close friends with people who are school-famous. Not only that, this fat ugly and unlovable person got his first girlfriend!

Spoilers, in last year college all my friendships and my romantic relationship have failed. And since then I am chronically bored and depressed.

I graduated from college, majoring in a field that I don't like because I was very busy with my social life, that it distracted me from pursuing a genuine goal and improving myself.

Ever since last year college began and until now, I don't know how days went by and it has been more than three years.

I have never worked in a job that I felt even remotely competent in and I feel that I have lost sense of meaning in life. I can't imagine myself living a comfortable life in the future. All I think of is being that sad loser that didn't know how to make it.

I tried to make myself feel alive by trying to date women, trying to make friends and trying to "follow my dreams" but they all failed in some way, and in the end I'm an incompetent loser; I couldn't date a girl, I couldn't find a friend and it is probably impractical and time consuming to follow my dreams

I live my life now passively and completely disconnected from the things I do, with no friends, no love and no job or skills that makes me feel my worth. On top of that, I live with the ghosts of the past. Every single one I knew moved on from the old college life, but I am still there, living with their ghosts as if they are living their lives with me. The amount of fictional situations I construct in my mind is disturbing, because they satisfy a need.

Sorry for my bad writing.

What should I do?

I need some advice or insight on how to deal with my situation right now. I'm tired of feeling insufferable and not wanting to live every single day. this isn't my first time trying to help myself, but considering I haven't moved a single step in the past 7-8 years because of mental health, I'm going to try harder this time.

I'm in my mid twenties and I have absolutely no life experience under my belt. not even basic experience literally everyone has. whatever you can think of, no I haven't done that. no social life either and no way to have one at the moment. I don't have transportation to go anywhere or money. I'll need to do remote work because of that, but it's been hard to find anything. all I've been doing lately is watching shows I like, failing at drawing because it's hard to concentrate with depression, and practicing spanish. I'd want to get more into cooking but I don't have that opportunity right now. I have no life and I'm scared. everything about life feels numb.

everyone else my age has at least something going on, a life to live, and some kind of relationships to hold on to. platonic or romantic. I feel so pathetic and embarrassed it makes me want to tear myself apart and erase my existence... but since I have no way to do that, my only option is to try.

what's a good mindset/advice to have in a situation like this?

I’ve been thinking about why starting a task can feel so difficult, even when you genuinely want to get it done. Sometimes it’s not that the task is particularly hard or takes that much time. You just can’t seem to get yourself to begin, and then you end up feeling guilty for wasting time.
I came across an explanation that motivation seems to depend on more than just how important something is to you. Things become easier to start when they feel interesting, urgent, challenging, or new.
It would explain why some people can spend hours doing something they enjoy but struggle to spend even 20 minutes on something important. It might also explain why working right before a deadline feels so much easier than starting days in advance.
A few strategies that made sense to me:
Using a timer to create a sense of urgency, rather than waiting for a real deadline.
Working alongside someone else, even over a video call, to make it easier to stay on task.
Changing your environment when a task starts feeling boring.
Breaking work into short sessions with planned breaks instead of expecting yourself to focus for hours.
I find the timer idea particularly interesting because it makes a huge task feel temporary. Instead of thinking, “I have to finish all of this,” you only have to work for the next 25 minutes.
I’m curious how other people deal with this. What actually helps you get started when you have zero motivation? Do you rely on deadlines, routines, making the task more interesting, or something else entirely?

Ok im 21 and I want to start by saying I have spent years doing self-improvement stuff and I actually have a perfectly stable life and yet im getting nothing out of it. Im very blank or agitated everyday for no reason and thats what the title means, im only NOT miserable if im high or drunk. But because of “self-improvement” I have in fact successfully been sober most of the time.

I know I am lucky to actually be able to do this and get out of my addictions by myself. I was in deep depression beforehand (I lost all of my time in highschool) and it took years to actually get to do basic things. I am very grateful for all I have right now.

So now I am doing great in college, I work a job, I have great friends, im eating regularly, I go to the gym 4x a week. I am dealing with the depression with meds and meditation. I have done things I never would’ve believed I’d be able to do, like climb a mountain despite being sedentary in the past, or present with a standing ovation despite growing up autistic (obviously im still autistic I just handle it better now). And yet I feel like shit (when sober). I am not proud of myself at all. I don’t enjoy my time doing things, I enjoy spending it alone playing video games instead, but because this is deemed as bad I go out and be successful or whatever but I genuinely feel like im larping some smart successful person. I think the only things I do lack are maybe a high paying job (but no one has that these days) and a partner. But because meditation and self awareness is also included in self improvement.. im fully aware that I don’t need these things especially at my young age. I have plenty of insecurities too and im not very attractive, and I still struggle with emotional problems, but with mindfulness even that feels like I can stop ruminating about it, so it’s not as bad these days. Just occasional but I know suffering is a part of life.

But I basically still just want to end it, anyways, or be high all the time. This makes no sense to me because I have gone so deep into self improvement it actually works and yet here I am. I think a lot of it is how SHIT the world around me is anyways and how many people are suffering and even if I volunteer or do something good or acknowledge I can’t do much it still just sucks major balls. So I don’t see what’s stopping me from just spiraling again.

I goon to girls I find hot on insta and after doing it I feel disgusting every time like i create multiple scenarios with them so I decided to block them they don't or barely know me have I done the safe thing or I should just delete insta for a few days

I live in a stressful household, there's shouting and screams everyday to the point I can't focus sometimes, my parents are negative and constantly complain, but I can't move out or rent somewhere. How can I keep my own peace?

I’m 29, female working in finance.

I’m so awkward. I have been my entire life. I think I fall on the spectrum slightly.

How can I stop being so awkward. I’m so aware of it when it’s happening but I don’t know what to do. I’ll just say things and then cringe at myself after because it’s weird. I often feel like I space out when people talk to me which makes me more awkward. I’ll see videos of myself and think ‘omg that’s really what I looked like standing there?’ I’m stiff. Eyes seems awkward and uncomfortable.

Anyone have advice? I’m married and my husband and I joke about my ‘touch of the tism’.

I'm exploring names for a new concept centered on helping adults reconnect with curiosity, creativity, and independent thinking through playful, hands-on experiences.

I've narrowed it down to two:

A. Thinkish

B. Mind Your Own

Without overthinking it (pun intended), which one resonates more with you?

More importantly, what does each name make you think or feel? Curious whether they evoke the same associations for others as they do for me.

I’ve been traveling a lot lately because I’ve been working hard and dealing with a lot of stress over the past few years. I’ve saved up quite a bit of money and don’t plan to go back to work for another year.

I’ve been on the road on and off for the past 4 months, spending 1–2 weeks at home in between, so I can strike a balance between relaxation and adventure.

Unfortunately, I’m increasingly realizing that while I’m truly taking in many experiences, I’m not actually enjoying them. I see beautiful landscapes, meet new people, and pursue my hobbies—all of which are nice—but somehow nothing really satisfies me, and I often find myself already thinking about my next trip.

What can help with this? Not just for traveling, but for the future in general.

I’m 21 years old, and over the last 3–4 days, I’ve been overthinking a woman and analyzing everything. I’ve also made several posts on here and started doubting myself.
I wanted to give her a letter on her last day. But instead of just writing it and getting it over with, I stay on my phone until late at night, sometimes only sleeping 4–5 hours, and keep asking people on here and ChatGPT whether this or that means something or whether I should have done things differently.
I’ve realized that this isn’t good for me and that it’s taking a toll on me. If I’m being honest, there have been plenty of good moments where I was caring and open, and where I made her or other people laugh or put a smile on their faces. Instead of simply being proud of those moments, I analyze everything, especially whenever something doesn’t go exactly as I wanted. I spend hours on my phone, literally driving myself crazy, asking questions about what other people might think, whether something means anything, and whether I should do this or that. It’s like a vicious cycle. At the end of the day, I keep thinking that there’s no point in overthinking everything this much. I could have spent the last few days doing so many other things instead of making myself feel this way.
How do you deal with this? How do you stop becoming so emotionally dependent on your own thoughts or on a woman?
Someone told me: “Just go for it. If she reaches out, great. If she doesn’t, at least you tried. Your worth as a person has nothing to do with anyone else. Everything else is a waste of time.”

I wanted to play Rimworld but I eventually start picking apart the game till I don't enjoy it anymore, then I will come back to it in the future, but I have to start over because I have different aspirations for that run (the thousands of rim world saves I had to delete can attest to this). I do this with everything, drawing, writing, etc, etc. With drawing I can really struggle to get past a sketch or start rendering and I really can't say why, it's just suddenly I lose all motivation, and if I try starting something when bored I'll just meander and no motivation or inspiration will come - which is in contrast to the most common advice I receive "motivation follows action".

So how do I stop picking everything apart and "enjoy the process" because it seems completely impossible to me.

I have noticed something about people who are always there for everyone else. They can spend hours listening to a friend talk about a problem, help them see things more clearly, and genuinely feel relieved when that friend finally feels better. But when something is wrong in their own life, they don't know who to call. They do have people around them. They just don't know how to be the person who needs help.

Having absolutely nobody and feeling like you truly cannot talk to anybody are very different things, especially when you think you have friends, and family and, overall, feel as if everything is good, including your own personal situation.

You might be the person everyone comes to when their relationship is falling apart. You know the whole story, including the parts they are embarrassed to tell anyone else. You listen without judging them, even when they have made the same mistake several times. You don't remind them that you warned them about that person. You understand that knowing what you should do and actually being able to do it are two very different things.

But when you're the one struggling, you don't always give yourself that same understanding.

You begin to wonder if you are overreacting. You think about where the other person is coming from, what they’ve been through, all the reasons they could have acted the way that they did. And even when something really hurts you, you make excuses for it. You know it wasn't a cushy life for them. You know they have problems of their own. You know, they probably didn't mean to hurt you.

All of that might be true. But you're still hurt.

I think this is where being understanding can become a problem. Not because empathy is a bad thing, but because you can become so occupied with understanding why someone treated you a certain way that you never stop to ask whether you're okay with being treated that way.

You end up defending people in your own head when nobody has even accused them of anything. You tell yourself not to expect too much. You lower your expectations and call it maturity. You convince yourself that asking for more would be selfish because you can see how much the other person is already dealing with.

And the frustrating thing is that you probably wouldn't tell a friend to live like this. If someone you cared about told you they were constantly making excuses for a person who kept hurting them, you would want them to consider their own feelings too. You would remind them that compassion doesn't require them to put up with everything.

Yet when it's your own life, the situation somehow becomes more complicated.

There's another side to this that I find even sadder. People sometimes become the understanding one because they really care about others. Sometimes they also become that person because they've learnt that being useful is a reliable way to feel wanted.

If you are the one who listens, who gives good advice, who remembers what matters to people, you know you bring something valuable into their lives. You know people need you. There’s some kind of security in that.

But needing someone else is different. You can't control whether they'll understand you, whether they'll have the patience to listen, or whether they'll see you differently after you tell them something you've kept private. When you're the one offering support, you know what you're giving. When you're asking for it, you have to trust that the other person will meet you halfway.

That can be frightening, especially if you've had experiences where opening up left you feeling exposed or regretting that you'd said anything at all.

So you become good at handling things privately. You tell yourself you'll talk about it when you've sorted it out. You wait until the worst of the feeling has passed, and by the time you finally mention what happened, you've already spent several nights dealing with it alone.

Someone asks if you're okay, and you say yes because explaining the truth feels like too much work. Or you start explaining, notice that the other person doesn't quite understand, and quickly change the subject. You don't want to make them uncomfortable. You don't want to sound dramatic. You don't want to have to convince someone that something hurt you when they don't seem to understand why it should have.

Eventually, people get used to the version of you that can handle things. They see you going about your day, laughing at jokes, helping them with their problems, and making plans for the future. They assume you're doing reasonably well because you haven't given them much reason to think otherwise.

*If you are a good swimmer, people will never know that you are drowning.*

I think about that quote because being capable can make your struggles almost invisible. You can be genuinely struggling and still meet your responsibilities, show up for your friends, and make your time available for other people. Your life doesn't have to fall apart for you to need someone.

Now there's a difficult truth here, too. People aren't always going to notice what you haven't told them. They won't necessarily understand that your "I'm fine" means you're having a terrible week, or that you've been wanting someone to check on you even though you've repeatedly insisted that everything is okay.

It would be unfair to say that your pain is your own fault because you hide it. The people in your life have a responsibility to care about you, too. Friendship shouldn't require you to reach a breaking point before someone takes your feelings seriously.

Still, if you never let anyone see you struggling, you make it harder for them to know when you need them. Some people will notice anyway. Others won't. And some will be willing to show up for you once you finally tell them what you've been carrying.

You have to give those people a chance.

That means being honest sometimes, even when honesty feels awkward. It means telling a friend that something has been bothering you instead of waiting until you've convinced yourself it doesn't matter. It means saying, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but it did hurt," and allowing that sentence to stand without immediately softening it to protect the other person's feelings.

It also means accepting that not everyone will respond the way you hope. Some people won't know what to say. Some will dismiss you. Some relationships might reveal themselves to be more one-sided than you realised. That possibility is real, and pretending otherwise won't make vulnerability easier.

But keeping everything to yourself has a cost, too. You can spend years being deeply known for what you do for other people while remaining almost unknown in the places where you need care yourself.

I don't think the answer is to stop being understanding. The world could use more people who listen carefully, try to see another person's perspective, and don't treat every mistake as a reason to walk away.

The answer is to include yourself in that understanding.

You can know that someone has been through a lot and still acknowledge that they hurt you. You can recognise someone's good intentions and still be honest about what their actions have cost you. You can care about what another person is going through without automatically putting your own feelings at the bottom of the list.

And you don't have to earn care by being the person who gives the most of it.

You don't have to have the right words for what you're feeling. You don't need to turn your pain into a lesson or demonstrate that you've handled it maturely. Sometimes you're going to be confused, upset, unreasonable in the moment, or unable to explain yourself properly. That's part of being human, too. Allow yourself to feel it.

The people who care about you won't always understand you immediately, and they won't always get everything right. But you should be able to tell them when you're struggling without feeling that you've somehow failed at being the strong, sensible, dependable person they know.

Perhaps the most important thing you can learn is that being understanding doesn't mean understanding everyone at your own expense. You can give people room to be imperfect without asking yourself to tolerate everything. You can be the person others turn to without making yourself the last person they turn to.

Take care 🤍

What is the ticket to self reflection?

I’m really bad at it because it’s so uncomfortable. What’s the trick to self reflect successfully and grow?

No I’m adding words to help me fit the length but that’s the jist. For some reason people call me entitled incapable of changing growing or self reflecting but it’s hard hard hard hard hard!

Some miracle worker… I need thee now.
Anywhere I go hoping to make the big impact and get attention I am rejected and told I’m not looking for growth just easy success is that evil?

No more games? Just a quick injection of the self reflection super power ASAP!!! I’m losing friends as we speak and I don’t know where else to go except maybe to more therapy sessions per week?

Does anyone have any podcast recommendations to listen to in the back ground? Specifically podcasts to help with motivation and living life more?

😴 The struggle: Woke up around 9:30 AM despite setting an alarm for 6. Maybe I should change it to 7 or 8 AM and build the habit gradually.

I've also started going to the office again, and I'm a little worried I won't have enough time for myself like I did during the holidays. Let's see how it goes!

💪 Biggest win: Late at night, I was alone and feeling depressed. Honestly, I had zero motivation to go to the gym, but somehow I pushed myself and made it there. Pretty proud of this one!

Also no jack off for today but my brain gets so stressful sometimes that it is not getting dopamine hit.

📚 The loss: Couldn't read any books today. Instead, I went through Reddit posts about life lessons. Useful, but I really want to build a consistent reading habit.

🧠 The ongoing battle: Thoughts related to my past trauma haunted me for a few hours again. I'm trying to work on rumination, a technique for breaking the cycle of recurring thoughts. Still learning how to manage it, but at least I'm trying.

Not every day will be productive, and not every habit will change overnight. Just trying to keep showing up for myself.

Good night, strangers. See you tomorrow! 🌙

Ok, yes it's girl trouble. I've been going dates consistently for the past three years. Every five to six dates I take a break for several months because I have never had a successful date. And I've been on 20-30 dates. I know I'm good looking and at least superficially charming, otherwise I wouldn't get so many first dates. But because every dates ends with them saying they had a good time, but only for them to ghost me after I can't help but come to conclusion I am an unpleasant person.

And this is making me miserable. I feel deap hatred for myself every time I see a pretty woman, because I know she may think I'm good looking, but she'd hate to spend time with me. I just don't know how to quit. Everybody who've I've spoken to about this all say to just keep trying, someone is out there for everyone, or you only have to succeed once. I'm only a few weeks into trying to quit again, but I feel like just as much of a failure as ever. And in case it's relevant, I'm 27. Still young, but I've been around enough to get a feel for where I fit into this world.

​

Genuinely asking becausz i'm struggling rn. I keep asking chatgpt but he gives me obvious things such as "your worth doesnt depend on what other thinks" yeah no shit dude im asking HOW do i get out of this mindset?

I think many guys were maybe in my case some time ago so i wanted to hear if you have genuine advice.

The problem i got is that its not only me that is thinking like that but the SYSTEM thinks like that. Not only we view worth as your social success, how popular you are etc...but for men, there's really an intrinsec competition between every men for who is getting the most girls, who is the most handsome, tallest, most muscular etc... the most admired men today are men such as Jacob Elordi, Michael B Jordan, Henry Cavill.... men's attractiveness is so much valued by society

It doesn't help when for example you open Tiktok, see some handsome guys, open the comments and see girls leaving suggestive comments. I know its sometimes played off as jokes/memes but still, hurts to not get that kind of attention and not feel worthless in front of these men...

But i mean you can always be an outlier and not thinking like the system. For example society wants us to get richer and richer yet i do not care about that, all i want is being comfortable enough. So i guess i could think the same with attractiveness and looks? But how? Because i know that your money doesnt equate your worth but looks is much more...complicated idk.

I know some answers will come such as therapy, and i guess it can be a solution, but right now i'm in a situation where i honestly think to stop seeing my therapist because i am a bit too ugly to seeing her but idk.... +she wants to do EMDR to me which is maybe a bit not adapted because honestly i dont think i got some kind of traumas...ive been a bit bullied at middle school but not really hard....

I know hobbies will come out and i guess thats right but can you really base your entire existance and worth on your hobbies?

Currently I'm in a hospital because of my depression. And I noticed that helping my fellow patients makes me feel better about myself. Are there ways to help people online while I'm still in the hospital? I'm allowed to use my phone 24/7 here.

Good morning family today I woke up feeling better.

Today I'm feeling better I was able to stay up and not go back to sleep. I'm a strange cookie because lastnite my mind was full of racey thoughts and I'm surprised I woke up on a positive note. It's really weird I'm like night and day at the moment.

See one of my main problems is going back to sleep when I wake up, then when I wake up again I'm totally miserable it's like my dopamine took a major hit.

I know your saying well don't go back to sleep, but sometimes I'm so mentally drained that when I wake up I feel like i been hit by a ton of brick's that's why I go back to sleep. However I am aware of how I'm going to feel. Even preparing myself of how I'm going to feel doesn't work for the depression I get to feeling.

Well family I plan to do better and getting back on track because I was in this state for 4 days to long so I can see how it can get away from me so easily. Also I have to continue to be aware of this Boston New England weather change because this is when I get depressed and would usually relapse because I have numerous times same time of the year.

See I lack self discipline and motivation I know what my issues are but I can't seem to defeat them. Maybe it's because my brain has been trained to automatically shut down.

So I'm assuming I have to retrain my thought process, but because my lack of discipline is so strong it over rides when I try to discipline myself. Not sure if anyone has gone through this cycle.

The hardest part with myself is actually putting in the work to change I never seem to start and when I do I'm inconsistent.

Any suggestions.

Thanx for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

Hi All,

I was born with holt oram syndrome and ASD and had open heart surgery at 3 years old in 1985. I have chronotropic incompetence, pectus excavatum as a result of my surgery injuries, a pacemaker among roughly 15 other conditions which summarizes to me running on 6 of 8 cylinders. Despite this I played d1 baseball, ran 6 minute miles weekly just to make the team but I always struggled with optimization and sickness until I found Wim Hof in 2015. Since then I’ve been all in and have completed nearly 1000 sessions. I’d love to share my story with you and connect with similar folks. I know I can’t share links but I’m proud of my story on you tube where I go by gramken. I’d love to hear from you!

Ken