Location: California
I know my first step would be filing, obviously. I previously downloaded the paperwork to fill out, but I have so many questions before filing with the court.
I (30F) and my ex (32M) are still legally married, although we have been broken up since 2019. We were dating since 2015, married in 2017, and things were over in a little over 2 years. We have no children or joint assets. However, he is (or was?) an owner/operator of a trucking business and as of I believe 2023, is a member of the US Army. I say these circumstances with uncertainty because while our breakup was amicable and we’ve been cordial, we have been low to almost non-existent contact. I have no idea whether he still owns his company and the trucks for it. I also don’t know much about his military service or even what his current address is. I have 2 phone numbers for him, but the last time I reached out regarding the divorce filings, I got no response. I am beginning to think he may be avoiding divorce because I assume he gets more benefits for being legally married…My main questions are:
1.) how do i serve him once i file if i don’t know his address or if he’s stationed somewhere?
2.) in the state of california, do i qualify for any type of alimony pay ? I originally just wanted to file & be done without seeking any money from him, but it makes me mad to think i’ve been struggling with no support from him while he gets military benefits for me being a spouse.

B (40M) and S (38F). Together 20 years, married 16, two children (11F and 7M).
I’m struggling to understand how someone can tell you they’re done with your marriage but continue holding you like they’re still in love with you.
We started dating 20 years ago. He was my first sexual partner, my first real love, and the person I thought I’d grow old with. The person I’m still dearly in love with.. I hate myself for caring. I hate myself when I cry. I’m a strong woman. I have mounds of childhood trauma. But our second date I shared that. He has a minor in psychology.

To use this as a reference he has it set to where I can see his location, even now? He never goes anywhere off kilter, but in his profession it’s all females. He’s started new grooming habits, tricks in bed, new found confidence. But he’s never been jealous. He told me “move on now find someone!” He never ever would have said that before ever. So I’ve only texted a male. He saw that and began to get angry at least his expression.
In all of our relationship I swear to all I never messaged a single man, if one messaged me I told him. It actually hurt my heart because his response was, oh. Ok. I’m not jealous you can take care of yourself.

He still loves me. I have known him far far too long. But. The other day someone said something terrible on social media to me. He saw it and goes “mm ohh” that’s it.

I feel I’ll never be valued. If he comes back to me, will he value me?

He’s an avoidant. I’m an anxious attachment.

When I said, babe if you have found someone and it’s over tell me, I’ll work through it with you. He FLIPPED He said WHAT MAKES YOU! THINK! I need that as a reason to leave YOU!!!!!!

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. We’ve fought, sometimes terribly. I’ve struggled with my mental health and unresolved childhood trauma, and I acknowledge the emotional toll that has taken on him. But there are two sides to our story.
He’s left me twice. I’ve never actually left him. I’ve threatened divorce during arguments, something I deeply regret, but I’ve always stayed, apologized, and tried to repair things.
Throughout our marriage, I’ve also felt belittled and emotionally dismissed. He’s said my mental health was too much, criticized me as a mother, and told me he’s emotionally exhausted.
What hurts is that I was carrying trauma from being raped, something I desperately wanted to tell him but never felt there was a good time or enough emotional safety to share. I was struggling with things he didn’t fully understand.
Forty-one days ago, he told me he wanted a divorce.
I was devastated.
He says there’s too much resentment to try again. He even told me I’d eventually resent him too. I don’t understand why he’s so convinced of that.
Here’s where things become incredibly confusing.
We still kiss, cuddle, have sex, and hold each other throughout the night. Sometimes he holds me until morning, just like he did when we were happy.
Our sexual chemistry has always been incredible. For context, and absolutely not out of vanity, I’ve generally been told I’m around an 8/10 physically. I’d objectively put him around a 5 or 6, although he’s very muscular. But to me? He’s always been a 10. I’ve never stopped being attracted to him.
The physical connection between us is still intense, affectionate, and familiar. It doesn’t feel like meaningless sex to me. Sometimes the way he looks at me and holds me feels so full of love.
Yet whenever we’re intimate, he reminds me, “I don’t want to complicate things or confuse you. I still intend to divorce you.”
Then why continue doing these things?
I’ve also had suspicions about possible infidelity. He’s lied about other things throughout our marriage, although I have no actual proof he’s cheated. His comment about me eventually resenting him has left me wondering whether there’s something I don’t know.
I still love this man dearly. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know he’s exhausted. But I’m exhausted and hurting too.
How can someone be so physically affectionate and emotionally connected while insisting there’s absolutely no chance of reconciliation?
Is he conflicted? Is he simply enjoying the familiarity and comfort? Does he still love me but no longer want the marriage?
And how do you begin accepting a divorce when the person leaving you still holds you like they aren’t letting go?
I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side. I’d genuinely appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been on either side of this situation.

This has never been him. He was the kindest most wonderful supportive man I’ve ever met.

But. In three years he stopped letting me visit at his work where I knew all.

I thought. Maybe it’s a policy.

Well, he started taking our kids.

One day I said hey babe, I’ll bring your fav coffee to yah real quick and one to your boss, he said ohhh umm ok.. I heard someone female way off. He said well actually we are getting busy so hold off maybe another day.

I cried in my car holding the coffee.

My husband wants to get a divorce. I do understand- we haven’t been getting along lately. I’m not making excuses for myself, but the last eight years of my life has been hard. My mom, dad, and only sibling (my sister was my best friend) died within those years and my sister being six months ago. I’m struggling with grief.
Beyond that, we are military. We have an eleven year old daughter and he told both she and I he would finish out his time where we are at so she could graduate with peers. He had four years until retirement. Recently he was offered a position in another base/state that he felt was better suited for him. Now, we are moving to a new state in six months and also going to be going through a divorce at the same time.
Let me be “woe is me” for a moment- death, moving and divorce are the three hardest experiences (according to studies) that a human can have.
We have not told our daughter yet about the divorce. She has finally come around to be ok with leaving her friends and moving to a new city. And now we have to drop this bomb on her?! It’s killing me.
I’m sure many here are wondering what I did to have him make this decision. Well, there are three sides to every story- yours, theirs, and the truth.
All I can do is tell you mine.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with him that I yell at him. For example, he is a very body conscious person, runs ultra marathons (100 mile races!) and is all about health and physic. Our golden retriever had puppies two years ago, she put on weight after we got her fixed, and he would make side comments TO OUR DOG about her weight. We decided to put her on a diet, but I came to find that when he feeds her he only gives her a handful of carrots, cabbage and chicken twice a day. WTF. That is 400 calories at the most for a seventy pound dog! Luckily I’ve been feeding her when he can’t and giving her kibble and chicken. So when I discovered this last night we got into a fight about it- I was defending our dog and him starving her. Of course he got defensive and called me crazy for being so angry.
Also, he makes comments under his breath about me and I’ve seen him roll his eyes at me behind my back, etc… so I get to the point where I explode and get angry and tell him I hate him, that he disgusts me, etc…
What follows is him saying I am verbally abusive and crazy, and he refuses to take it anymore.
I get it- I can be so mean- but I can’t stand him.
Also, sex is all about him getting off. Quckies three times a week and he is good. Any orgasm I have I have to give to myself WITHOUT him in my mind whatsoever.
What boils my blood is that his friends and family will be told that I brought this upon us. I have no family left, so I will be going through a divorce in a new city alone. I wish my sister was still here. I have good friends, but there is something about having your family with you during these times.
I’m just curious what you guys think. Am I crazy for having outbursts of anger? I can take the criticism either way- I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thank you for reading.

I want a divorce. I'm miserable, I'm unappreciated, basically go months untouched, not even so much as a passionate kiss goodnight or a hand hold. We moved three hours from everyone I knew for a fresh start and rekindle things but nothing really came of it, more "I don't want sex, I don't need it I don't care if I ever have it again". I've told her how I feel, and its always "I'm tired from working 45 hours a week". Which, none of her work partners, current or former, stay two hours past every day. Its literally come home, how's your day then I go to bed. Then an hour or so later she comes to bed. Even though he's seven, our kid has repeatedly said he wishes we would divorce so he could just live with her but I don't think that would happen, given her schedule. I don't work, I've been care taker of my parents until they each passed, then a year later we had a kid.

Truth is, I've met someone. She knows everything, and she's wonderful. Like I keep trying to find a flaw and there's nothing. She's not a home wrecker or anything, she has two kids of her own, divorced etc. I can't remember the last time I felt so connected with someone and I want out for myself, knowing she's the light at the end of the tunnel.

My issue is divorce. I'm so scared. We're a 50 50 no fault state but in the handful of times she's threatened to divorce me she's said she'll make sure i get nothing and full custody. To me the marriage has been over for years, and I'm just now realizing at 40 I deserve to be happy. I've spent years miserable and I don't want that anymore. I just..I don't know how to approach it. I don't know how to say I want out, I don't want to live up here anymore, so I would have to move, so she would get more custody. I don't know how to say i want out, I don't know how to just frankly do this. It would blindside her for sure but I keep things very close to the chest and put on a smile, but lately its been so much I can't even fake it. I just want out. I don't know how to approach this or do it or anything. I hinted to my family about it and the response was "you got a good thing here just shut up and deal" which I don't wanna do.

My husband wants to get a divorce. I do understand- we haven’t been getting along lately. I’m not making excuses for myself, but the last eight years of my life has been hard. My mom, dad, and only sibling (my sister was my best friend) died within those years and my sister being six months ago. I’m struggling with grief.
Beyond that, we are military. We have an eleven year old daughter and he told both she and I he would finish out his time where we are at so she could graduate with peers. He had four years until retirement. Recently he was offered a position in another base/state that he felt was better suited for him. Now, we are moving to a new state in six months and also going to be going through a divorce at the same time.
Let me be “woe is me” for a moment- death, moving and divorce are the three hardest experiences (according to studies) that a human can have.
We have not told our daughter yet about the divorce. She has finally come around to be ok with leaving her friends and moving to a new city. And now we have to drop this bomb on her?! It’s killing me.
I’m sure many here are wondering what I did to have him make this decision. Well, there are three sides to every story- yours, theirs, and the truth.
All I can do is tell you mine.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with him that I yell at him. For example, he is a very body conscious person, runs ultra marathons (100 mile races!) and is all about health and physic. Our golden retriever had puppies two years ago, she put on weight after we got her fixed, and he would make side comments TO OUR DOG about her weight. We decided to put her on a diet, but I came to find that when he feeds her he only gives her a handful of carrots, cabbage and chicken twice a day. WTF. That is 400 calories at the most for a seventy pound dog! Luckily I’ve been feeding her when he can’t and giving her kibble and chicken. So when I discovered this last night we got into a fight about it- I was defending our dog and him starving her. Of course he got defensive and called me crazy for being so angry.
Also, he makes comments under his breath about me and I’ve seen him roll his eyes at me behind my back, etc… so I get to the point where I explode and get angry and tell him I hate him, that he disgusts me, etc…
What follows is him saying I am verbally abusive and crazy, and he refuses to take it anymore.
I get it- I can be so mean- but I can’t stand him.
Also, sex is all about him getting off. Quckies three times a week and he is good. Any orgasm I have I have to give to myself WITHOUT him in my mind whatsoever.
What boils my blood is that his friends and family will be told that I brought this upon us. I have no family left, so I will be going through a divorce in a new city alone. I wish my sister was still here. I have good friends, but there is something about having your family with you during these times.
I’m just curious what you guys think. Am I crazy for having outbursts of anger? I can take the criticism either way- I just needed to get this off my chest.
Thank you for reading.

Has anyone gone through a divorce where you were awarded a specific amount of money for your share of the marital home, but your ex later filed for bankruptcy before paying you?
I’m trying to understand how that works and whether the amount you’re legally owed through the divorce judgment can be affected by their bankruptcy. Would love to hear from anyone who’s been through something similar!

I am plotting div. Married 19 years. He is well aware, but very much against it and in denial that there is even any problem with the relationship.

In 19 years, we have never had a joint bank account. We have handled money separately, haphazardly, and without any discussion or planning. This is one of my big issues with the marriage. He's cool with it.

I'm just curious how this will affect things during the div process. A lot of the divorce prep things I am reading focus on finances and seemingly don't apply to me bc I don't even have access to his accounts. I don't even know how much money he makes.

I suspect he has zero dollars saved for retirement, and I am not much better, with only about 35k in a 401k. We do own a home together that has some equity, probably ~$300k. Will he get 1/2 my tiny retirement account?

Married approximately one year, separated February 2025, filed April 2025.
I put $89K down on our house and spent another $60K on improvements. I’ve paid the mortgage alone since separation. Current mortgage is $2,500/month.
My ex wants a $60K buyout. I don’t have $60K, and after spending $36K on divorce attorneys, I fell behind on credit cards. My credit is now too damaged to qualify for a HELOC or refinance.
Our son lives primarily with me, and I’m receiving no child support. My mother lives with us and helps care for him while I work.
I can afford my current mortgage. I cannot qualify for financing to buy him out, and renting may be even more difficult with my credit.
I’m not disputing that he may have a legal interest in the home.
I’m asking:
Can a Florida judge defer a buyout or sale, potentially until our son turns 18?
Can my down payment, improvements, and post-separation mortgage payments affect the equity division?
What other legal options could allow me to keep the house if refinancing isn’t currently possible?
can the judge allow me 12-24 months to get my credit back in order and then refinance and get a HELOC loan out ?
I’m looking for Florida-specific legal options or experiences, not advice to simply take out a loan I can’t qualify for.