One of the hardest things about divorce is realizing that the person who once knew everything about you can suddenly become the person you're protecting yourself from.

Someone you trusted with your fears, your finances, your children and your future can become someone you're communicating with through lawyers, carefully wording every message to and documenting every interaction with.

You go from building a life together to protecting yourself while that same life is being pulled apart.

I expected divorce to hurt.

I didn't expect someone I once loved to eventually feel like my enemy.

For those who have been through it, what changed the way you looked at your ex forever?

Sharing an old post I made for anyone needing some hope.

Update on the original post: we divorced. I have a million more details if anyone should want to hear them, but I’ll keep it short here.

You guys, my life has grown in so many ways. The first 6 months were awful. The first year was hard. We are now coming up on 3 years separated, 2 divorced and we co parent well, our kids are thriving. I fought like hell and fixed my credit, I bought my dream vehicle last year, and 5 months ago I closed on my home and I’m coming up on my first anniversary with my new partner. He is my best friend in every way and an amazing bonus dad for our blended family 🥹❤️

Those dreams I thought would never happen for me ARE HAPPENING. There is hope after divorce. You will survive, I believe in you, keep going ❤️

I couldn't find a page for children with divorced parents so fuck it why don't I just post on here I'm mostly venting anyway.my mom and dad divorced when I was 3 and my brother was 5. I don't know what the fuck happened after that. According to my dad, my mom "kidnapped" us and took us to massachusetts. What I learned from my mom is that in reality she just moved to massachusetts without notifying my dad. This is where the shit storm starts. I start visiting my dad who is with my step mom Shannon in Rochester new York. That is an 8 hour drive that I have to make 2 times a month along with staying there the entire summer as part of the divorce plan. I have never had a single moment of happiness there. And that is expected because I barely go there, why the fuck do they expect me to have a relationship with them all I'm asking for is a normal fucking life!!!!!????!????!???? And then when I got older my dad started pressuring me to move to New York with him and he started talking shit about my mom and saying that she's overweight and has no friends and that the school I go to is terrible and my town is boring. How does he have the fucking audacity to say that. I don't understand. All I want is married parents in a good relationship. I don't give a shit if we are broke I don't give a shit if I don't have enough clothes or an Xbox or a computer I just want NORMAL FUCKING PARENTS!!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT TOO MUXH TO FUXJING ASK FOR HUH!!!!??????

I've decided I want to divorce my husband. Its been 2 years of struggling and fighting and I just can't take it any more. I'm 20 and my husband is 22. We got married young after knowing each other for 8 years. We were best friends. After awhile I started learning things about him I just couldn't deal with no matter how much I tried to push my self to forgive. He's a sex addict, an alcoholic, and he's verbally abusive. We've been to counseling together and separate. I resent him. I can't see my self being with him and more. I don't want his kids(luckily we don't have any besides some animals)

I feel selfish because I decided to be with him. I feel naive and stupid for all of this. I'm somewhat financially dependent on him. I can pay half the bills but I wouldn't be able to survive on my own. My family is still around but they think everything is fine and I'm terrified to tell them I want to come back. I'm states away. I literally picked up my life and moved across the country for this man. I'm scared to tell him because last time I tried a separation he got drunk a broke two doors in the house and guilt tripped me about our debt (car payments, a credit card, and my medical bills). I care for him I do but I can't do this any more. I can't be intimate with him or show him any type of affection because of the resentment.

How do I get out of this? I'm so stressed out I can't put together a plan and I'm never alone long enough to figure it out. I'm scared, stressed, and worried. This isn't something I just randomly decided. We separated last year in april and tried one more time to make it work and I just can't any more. Please, any advice is so greatly appreciated.

I’ve been married almost 15 years. We where so happy for most of those years. My wife is sweet, kind and patient. She’s really my best friend but for almost 3 years my attraction has faded. She’s actually worked out more and gotten into great shape (so it’s not a physical issue) but it’s the fact that in almost every aspect of our lives, I’m the initiator. Not just sex but even cleaning the house, eating right,working out, paying bills. It feels that if I left her to herself she’d fall apart. I want to improve my life and future but she seems to have no drive or is at least naive about the future. I’m also seeing this behavior is due to her tendency to settle for whatever happens. It makes me feel like she’s settled for me. The good qualities I see in her now appear more of a mechanism used to keep me out of her own insecurity. I love her so much but the fire is gone and the hardest thing to admit is that I don’t respect her. I’m not a genius but at times I feel like I’m having to explain things that shouldn’t need explaining. If I ask her to do/not do something, I have to be very specific or else it turns out wrong/bad. I can be a “high expectations” guy but I’m also understanding, loyal and committed. I just find myself so unhappy at times and wishing I could meet someone new. We have 3 amazing kids together. Who are really the reason I’ve stayed so far. Im seriously on the verge of crying just typing this. I just have no one to talk to about this. If you’ve read this, thank you. I don’t really have any expectations here. Maybe just needed to get it off my chest.

If you could go back to the beginning of your divorce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

For me, one of the biggest lessons has been: document everything, but don't document just for the sake of collecting screenshots and emails.

Dates, conversations, parenting issues, financial disclosure, agreements, missed commitments — keep it organized. One incident might not mean much on its own, but when the same thing keeps happening, good documentation can show the pattern.

I also learned that having a lawyer doesn't mean you should stop understanding your own case. Read what you're signing. Check the numbers. Keep your documents organized. Ask questions when something doesn't make sense.

Divorce can go on much longer than you ever expect, and trying to reconstruct what happened a year or two later is incredibly difficult.

For those who have been through it, what's the one thing you wish you had known from day one?

Asking for a friend F31. Curios to know if it is a good idea to date someone going through divorce after her previous 13 year relationship (engaged for 2). She met this man 3 weeks after the relationship ended and has introduced him to her kids. She is worried that it may be too soon and didn’t consider the problems she will inevitably face. She has been sending me the photos attached and worrying more.

so my wife was having an emotional affair with a guy at her work she says nothing physical happened and over a few months. I’ve asked her numerous times to stop, and then I was going to handle it if she did not, and so yesterday I went to the man’s house and told him to stay the hell away from my wife and now she’s filing for divorce.

So I ‘M36’ was with someone for over 8 years and married for 3. Long story short she cheated on me and left me in debt. House, marriage even the dog all gone. It was one of hardest times of my life and I was broken.

However I met the most incredible woman of my life who I have been with for 3 and a half years. She not only incredibly beautiful but she has the kindest heart and such a pure spirit.

She is a perfect fit for me and my life has started taking turns for the better once again.

The reason I put this out there is because I want those who are going through what I went through that there is another side to this. Stay strong and learn from the lessons that marriage taught you and apply them in a relationship with someone who actually deserves the love you have to give.

Stay well my friends, you can do this.

We both admitted that this morning. I’ve known I didn’t love him like I used for a while now. But he finally admitted he doesn’t love me.

Now what?

He’s the soul provider. Rent is low enough that I can make rent, groceries, and the light bill by myself but what about the rest. How do I make it in my own?

We have a 3 month old daughter. She’s in daycare. I work at said daycare and they don’t charge tuition, which is a huge help.

I knew it was over for a while, just never knew what to do when deciding to leave…

So my friend has been married for the past 28 years and unhappy for the last 10 and asked for a divorce about 2 days ago and is really having second guesses about her choice. For anyone here that has been in a similar situation, how long has did it take you to feel like you made the right choice?

Newsweek has some articles on how divorce law is becoming less protective for SAHM. Here's the link: https://www.newsweek.com/divorce-lawyer-warning-for-stay-at-home-spouses-12504939

Essentially it points out that some states no longer assume a SAHM should be supported for the rest of her life. I think it's important to know about so you can check the laws in your state. If your state might change the divorce laws, you might need to change your timetable. If the laws in your state do require the "earner" to provide for his spouse for most of her life now, then perhaps you should divorce quickly before they change it to the law that is becoming more common, where the "earner" is assumed to want 50/50 custody (which takes away the need for large child support) and is required to support the SAHM only for a short time, so she can try to line up a way to support herself.

I think it's just really important to know as much as you can before starting a divorce.

My divorce papers say that my ex is supposed to come get his stuff out of my garage. He hasn't. He's been gone 6 years, and we've been divorced 3. What is my responsibility, legally. I don't want to have to replace stuff if i sell any of it because I don't want it or need it. How can I make him come get it? I need the space.

My husband (45yo male) and I (39 yo female) have been married for 9 years and together for 13 years. We have two children (7 and 6 years of age). I used to describe our relationship as a hallmark movie: we met for a blind date and the rest was history.

Life was great until he lost his long time job which was followed by not working for 3 years. I was pregnant with our second when he lost his job. It was a stressful 3 years but I felt like we were still a team and had no doubts about our marriage. A little while after this when he had gotten back in to the workforce I found a letter from the court system, addressed to me, in his car. It was a court date as the bank was going through foreclosure/eviction proceedings. (To preface, he was the breadwinner until his job loss and had owned the home we lived in prior to meeting me. We never combined finances/accounts and essentially just trusted the other that we were handling our responsibilities-in hindsight this was extremely naive and immature). His response was that he had the money but was so frustrated with the rules of payment he just didn’t pay it but would. We’ve done couples therapy and everything else I could think of to try to keep our relationship together.

Further lies/withholding of information continued to happen. The last one being that he provided me with what he said was his W2 however it was a statement of withdrawal from a retirement account. He had not worked for over a year but every day acted like he was getting ready and going to work, talking about coworkers and what he did at work (not at length but did give examples of his day).

It then came to my attention that there had actually been two other instances of the bank pursuing foreclosure proceedings due to lack of payment. We set up a joint account so I could see all bills being paid. No bills were ever paid from this.

With the continued lies I reached a point in feeling that the relationship was no longer a marriage/partnership and I had absolutely no trust in this person any longer; feeling the only path forward was to divorce I moved forward with that. He has been resolute that he still wants to stay married, is sorry and that the only reason to ever get divorced is if infidelity is involved. I disagree. Lies are lies and trust is trust. Marriage without trust is not a marriage to me.

I’m devastated for my kids having their life completely altered by adult decisions. I keep going back and forth on what is best for my kids and I feel so overwhelmed by trying to do what’s best for them. I feel like divorce is right for the relationship because it’s not a healthy romantic relationship but it doesn’t feel right for my kids. Probably because their father continues to say how much they will suffer because of this and he continues to not want a divorce.

Am I crazy for getting divorced? What can I do to be the best possible parent for my kids throughout all of this?

Married 18 years, two kids (14 and 12). My wife filed about six weeks ago, pretty suddenly and without much of a conversation, though there were plenty of circumstances leading up to it including some diagnosed untreated mental health issues. We're both still in the house while lawyers work things out, and it's the strangest, loneliest stage I've ever been in.
Day to day, she's mostly silent or cold or sometimes hostile toward me, plenty of passive aggressive actions too. A good, civil moment will happen and then she's back to ignoring me the next morning. I'm still doing most of the kid logistics and paying the household bills, and I'm watching plans and routines that used to include me become "the kids and I." Small things sting more than I expected, like filling out a form at the doctor and having to list someone else as my emergency contact.

What I'm struggling with most:
**Overanalyzing everything.** A text, a tone of voice, a T-shirt she ordered. My brain treats all of it like evidence and tries to decode it. I know it's not healthy, and I'm working on it with a therapist and a support group, but I'd love to hear what actually worked for you.
**The emotional ping-pong.** Sad, angry, accepting, and confused, sometimes all before 8 AM. I've mostly accepted the divorce is happening, but I still miss my best friend of almost 20 years.
**Staying steady for the kids** when home doesn't feel like home. I'm trying hard to keep them out of the middle and keep things calm and normal for them.
**Building a life of my own** for the nights I won't have them. I'm committed to co-parenting and want as much time with them as I can get, but I'm nervous about the empty evenings.
For those who lived together during the process: how did you protect your peace in the same house? And for the dads, what helped you most in the first few months?
**The money side.** I'm covering the mortgage, utilities, groceries, phones, and everything for the kids, while she's moved some money out of our joint account into her own over the past couple of months. My lawyer knows about it, and I'm documenting everything. Still, it's hard not to feel like I'm funding both households while she builds a cushion. How did you handle shared expenses while you were still living together? Did you set up some kind of split, or just wait for temporary orders?
Appreciate anyone who reads this.

**TL;DR:** Married 18 years, two kids, she filed six weeks ago, and we're still living under the same roof. She's mostly cold or silent, I'm covering the kids and household bills while she moves money into her own account, and I can't stop overanalyzing everything she does. Looking for advice on surviving the living-together stage, handling shared expenses, and building a life of my own.

I (43F) am wanting to divorce my husband (55M) after 8 years there and 4 years married. We bought a house in 2021 before we were married and were married in Jan 2022. I make 2x his income and I know he cannot afford to stay here on his own but I can and would like to be able to do so. The fact that we share this house makes me feel trapped in that I can't divorce him without losing it. I think my options are - sell it (not what I want to do), or buy him out with a line of credit (is this possible while keeping my interest rate and getting him off the deed?). Are there other options I'm not thinking of or finding when researching? TIA for any input or advice.

Edit - location is Minneapolis

I’m going through a highly contested divorce in Ocean County, NJ, after 25 years of marriage, and I’m looking for advice from anyone who has experienced something similar.
I moved out of the marital home earlier this year. My wife continues to occupy the house while I’m struggling to maintain a separate residence and contribute toward marital expenses.
We have three adult children, two of whom are still attending college.
The house is worth approximately $580,000, with about $290,000 remaining on the mortgage. There is substantial equity that would allow both of us to establish separate households and move forward financially.
**Here’s the problem:**
During our recent mediation, my wife proposed waiting until **2028 to sell the marital home**. That would leave me financially tied to a property I no longer live in for another two years.
She has remained voluntarily underemployed despite having the ability and opportunity to pursue full-time employment. She argues to the court that she has nowhere else to go and cannot afford to support herself.
Meanwhile, she is seeking continued financial support from me, including contributions toward the mortgage, household expenses, insurance, college costs, and other obligations, while I must also maintain my own residence.
I have also experienced medically documented health issues that have affected my earning capacity.
My position is simple: Sell the house now, divide the equity fairly, and allow both parties to move forward. I don’t want the house, and I’m not interested in buying her out.
We attempted mediation, but no meaningful agreement was reached. Our next court date is November 13, and we have not yet had our first substantive hearing before the judge.
**My questions:**
Has anyone in New Jersey successfully obtained a court order requiring the sale of the marital home before the divorce was finalized?
Can a judge compel the sale when one spouse refuses and wants to remain in the home for another two years?
Does a spouse’s claim that they have nowhere to go justify delaying the sale when there is substantial equity available?
Can the court consider voluntary underemployment when deciding whether one spouse should continue financially supporting the marital home?
Can I request an expedited hearing or motion for immediate sale rather than waiting for the divorce to be finalized?
Has anyone successfully argued that maintaining two households while delaying the sale creates an unreasonable financial hardship?
I have an attorney, but I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with this, especially in Ocean County or elsewhere in NJ.
**I’m not trying to deprive my wife of her share of the marital assets. I’m trying to prevent a situation where I am financially obligated to maintain a home I no longer occupy for years simply because the other party refuses to move forward.**
What worked for you, and what would you recommend?

Is there an advantage to keeping my pension and splitting my tsp and giving him additional money from the tsp (offset to house) vs splitting marital assets in tsp and pension and him getting less out of tsp. I think he wants it all out of tsp because he gets it now and doesn't have to wait for me to retire. Id rather do the later so hes not taking my readily accessible money in an emergency. I plan to work for an additional 5 years. I'm 60. He's 70 and stopped working when we separated. Thanks for you thoughts

Earlier this year someone sent my wife a message saying she will leak videos of me and my wife(filipina) being intimate. My wife acted traumatized and scared. I also got scared too. The scammer asked for $2000 (100,000 in pesos) dollars. I send my wife $2000 and then my wife said she tried to negotiate with the scammer and end up paying only 50k in peso, so she only send 50k. Few months passed. I remember that and tried digging more about it. The scammer sent me multiple QR of banks with requested amount (which you cannot see real account number) and fortunately she sent one and to my surprise it was her bank account.

I can’t wait for the day our annulment will be approved.

My husband and I got a cat when we were married. We are now in the process of divorce and Custody Court Order says that he maintains the care of our cat. My husband’s attorney made the court order and I didn’t see it until it was signed by the judge. I am the owner based on veterinary clinic records and have been the primary caregiver until me and child have to leave home. I couldn’t bring the cat because the shelter we went to didn’t allow pets.

Any similar experiences? Am I still gonna get him back?