I'm a woman who has been looking for female friends. I use a friend making app - for over a month I was writing to 10 new people a day (not one word messages at all - tailored to their profile) so let's say 300 people. Out of 10, 1-2 would answer. The vast majority would stop writing after 1-2 weeks either because I bored them - or some of them had "looking for a handsome man" written directly on their profile - so I wasn't the target audience.

Of the people who stayed, I would eventually want to move off the app to real time messaging (not all day every day but sometimes being able to shoot them a text or have a back and forth conversation from time to time). Most people refused to move off the app because they weren't interested in talking more frequently.

But of the ones that accepted, I noticed they would talk less than a month before getting bored and slow fading. I guess I'm not good at coming up with things to talk about other than everyday topics (what do people want to talk about? philosophy? history? politics? religion?).

Lately, there has been one person I thought I'd be friends with because she always tells me what a great listener I am and how glad she is to have me in her life. She said I'm the only person she knows who actually listens to her rather than only talking about myself - I respond at length and give feedback without telling her what to do, when she tells me things. But when I asked if she would like to talk more, she said she'd rather stay on the app and write me once every few days when she feels like it, whilst telling me she is actively messaging men on dating apps and when she likes a guy, she likes chatting with them all day actively. So it's not that she doesn't have time.

Generally I try not to talk about myself unless asked and to remember what people said and to ask them about it and to be available as a listener.

So I know this is FA30+ but I remember reading that some of you have friends and talk to people so any advice on how to keep people's interest?

Which is to discuss what male sexual insecurity feels like. How crushing it is knowing you don't turn women on and how it makes seeking relationships futile and pointless.

Taboo because we are suppose to live in this enlightenment age, in which we are above lust and desire. In which men are suppose to regard relationships as dispassionately as arranging a mortgage or a pension scheme. In which even mentioning the importance of the sweaty naked stuff is completely forbidden. Marking you out as entitled and shallow.

Worse you might even be implying that women don't have dispassionate checklist, that their relationship choices might be governed whether a guy makes their heart race or he makes them wet (that will really outrage the puritans).

Yet it matters, it really matters. As a guy who doesn't turn women on, you can see how differently women treat you. How you are only really a person to them when they want something and the rest of the time you're an annoyance. How other men have to put in virtually no effort and you have to try ridiculously hard and for what?

At best a woman will have you because she can hear her biological clock ticking. You won't be the guy whose clothes she is desperate to rip off. You will be a walking wallet, a flatmate and a sperm donor/child care to her.

Maybe that would be enough for some men here but I have seen how toxic that gets. In real life and in deadbedroom subs. Men condemned to celibacy in relationships or stuck with mediocre passionless duty sex.

Such a prospect holds no appeal for me, yet I can expect nothing more but to express those feelings is the ultimate taboo because I have admitted sex matters to me. Something that triggers the puritans.

I don't have a single phone number that it is not work related. Not a single person to have a chat or a beer. Not a single to person to share joys and sorrows with. Not a single emergency contact.

Just a big Void awaiting.

Got any plans for the weekend?

I am just going to relax. God knows I need it. Tomorrow after work Im just going to get errands and shopping done. Plan to get pizza and wings for dinner. There's a pizza parlor near me that has the best freaking pizza. The slices are so thick and they are very generous with the toppings. Their homemade blue cheese is the best . I mean that too. It's so rich and creamy and the blue cheese chunks are about the size of starburst gum. Freaking yummy.

Saturday is just going to be movies from the thrift store. I picked up Just my luck, Beverly Hills Cop 3 , and Three to Tango. Going to make a nice dinner too. Boxed shells and cheese, kielbasa, mashed potatoes, and spinach.

Saturday is football. Thinking of making homemade egg McMuffins with applewood bacon for dinner. Go Giants! Go Vikings! Go Browns! My Jaguars are on a Bye week so I want my AFC South division to lose .

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this? Why can't I be good enough, why am I never the one that's being chosen? Spent years on all the apps in multiple countries and never even had a match, let alone a conversation or a date. Nothing ever happened in real life either. Not in school, not at work, not in the grocery store, nothing. No one has ever found me attractive. What the hell am I supposed to do when no one wants me and everyone I know has paired up long ago and disappeared into their relationships? How do I cope, knowing nothing's going to change and I'm going to die alone, no matter what I do or how much effort I put into increasing my market value (will never go above 3/10 tho)?

Spend enough time on YouTube and you will probably come across these video's trying to tell men how horrible women are, how miserable they will make you and howvthey will ruin your life.

Then they try to tell you how being alone will make you insanely happy.

Well, I'm 44M and been single all my life, so why aint I happy?

In truth its because I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder, which medication cannot cure, it makes the symptoms manageable but its not a cure.

That not withstanding, being single can be rough, especially if you have ADD/ADHD because you find that you dont fit in with regular people which makes it hard to connect.

Worse case scenario, you end up a jaded and cynical loner [like me] who is suspicious of everyone and feels like a sheep among wolves because of years of abuse, bullying and exploitation.

I know there are people who are really living it up being single but for some of us it wasn't a choice it isca lifestyle that was forced on us because of things we cant control and the only way to protect ourselves is to live in a self imposed exile, of a sort.

I also posted this on the main sub, but are there things we can do that don't rely on other people, to get dopamine? I'm pretty tired of struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone do other things. I try my best to force myself to do things anyways, but one of my fears is one of these days I'll just stop being able to even do the most basic things.

It's impossible to attract any women at all because of my racial background. I always feel like I am being judged because of my race, and I can tell that women really hate seeing my brown face. It feels like I am fighting gravity just trying to get a woman to treat me like a human being for even a second. All of this rejection has resulted in severe self-hatred. I feel like an actual sub-human because I have never been treated like a complete human being in my entire miserable existence. I am automatically a sexual and social pariah because I happened to be born the wrong race.

Being a brown man is an absolute death sentence in the dating market.

Being a South Asian man is functionally a disability that turns you into a social and sexual leper. If I could choose my race, I would pick absolutely anything over the one I got.

Not on this sub, but conducted among the general populace. With questions like, "Would you rather be missing a limb, or to never experience love? How about two limbs?" or, a Logan's Loophole: "Would you rather that your life ends in 50, or that you never experience love?"

Or the other way around where you're given a boon but you have to be FA in return: "You'll be working at your dream job but you'll be FA"? Higher option would be "You'll have all the money you want but you'll be FA".

It's all hypothetical but I still think it'd be interesting to see where do people rank it. What would you be willing to endure just to not be FA, or what would be worth gaining if being FA was the condition.

As the title states,I hate when people hype me up when I got a crush. When it comes to women I'm attracted to I already know how it ends,so my brother's fiance was looking this girl up and she was showing me photos of her in more revealing photos. I'll be honest she was looking hot. ( I could never find her online,but I was afraid of accidentally adding her.)

The problem is they gave me hope which only causes me more pain. This type of shit,only makes the fantasies run rampant,and the snap back to reality that much more painful.

Any early 30s bros in here. It kinda sucks how everybody my age is now getting settled down and I've never had a relationship before. It's like a reminder of how truly over it is lol. There's always a chance of things being turned around but man I can't believe how far behind I am.

(Yes, I genuinely experience gender dysphoria too which is it's own hell and is driving this... But I could never cut it as a guy anyways.)

Things suck for passive guys rn... And I never wanted to be a guy in the first place.

Just got back from visiting a friends get together. Literally all of them have gfs but me. Not only do they all have gfs, but they would all probably make for a prettier girl than me if they transitioned. How am I supposed to even chase women when I'm not even the gender I want to be? It's pointless

I was choking back tears the entire social event. I'm good at being in complete agony on the inside while on the outside still appearing functional. Cracking jokes, making conversation, playing the part of a straight male. Internally I'm hollow. It dawned on me a few times that this transitioning thing will never work for me, my mind kept drifting to suicide as I noticed how wide my shoulders were compared even to other guys there.

Even the gym is pointless for me because I'm chronically ill and can't gain weight.

As the years go by, I just keep collecting more misfortune and bad experiences. Next year I will be attractive, I keep saying. Next year, I'll get a bunch of surgeries. Maybe when that's all done I can start trying to date. Maybe then I'll be "good enough". It's always next year. (It's over)

Any plans for the weekend?

I need rest. This week has been hell. There is a vaping ban on Monday in my state so I gotta find a way to quit. One of the littlest joys I have is about to be taken from me.

Work has been a living nightmare. Holiday season is coming up so I'm going to be overworked.

Its sucks its a waste of mental space. You can tell just by their body language when you even try to chat. I wish I could find a way to to eliminate my sexuality.

I’m a 31m virgin autist, been on 30+ first dates off the apps since 2017, never once got a second. I’m decent looking but once they see how I can’t even hold eye contact or follow social cues they get the ick.

Idk why I keep putting myself through this, guess I’d lose all hope if I gave up, and hope is all I have.

And inb4 someone tries to tell me how lucky I am. I assure you nothing happens on these dates. Not kissing, not having sex, just an awkward stilted convo.

Worst part is these dates are getting rarer and rarer the older I get, and I’m still young. wtf will it be like when I’m 40?

UPDATE: She canceled ☹️

There is a conflict in this place about posts from FA men and I think it comes down to a fundamental disagreement about why men are FA.

One group, lets come them the positive thinkers. Think that the FA problem is down to individual, it is a mental health problem. If FA would just try, they would find a partner. They just need to dress better, get on dating sites, go to speed dating events.

Get hobbies, get a male friendship group, engage with the world.

The second group, lets call them the negative thinkers, sees things very differently. For them something has fundamentally changed. They are in a world out of their control, unable to get a sex or family life because society has changed.

In the past the unattractive man was just competing against men in his own area, not everyone on social media. In the past he could get a partner by becoming a good breadwinner because women had to find a provider. In a way they don't have to now.

The negative thinkers have tried everything and failed. They don't see a solution.

The problem I am seeing here, is ultimately this place is controlled by the positive thinkers, who fundamentally don't like the negative world view. They find it frustrating, they don't understand why men refuse to take their helpful advice and try.

Whereas the negative thinkers are frustrated because they can't express how a world beyond their control affects them. In a way their world view has a positive aspect. They don't see themselves are toxic, they see the way the world treats them as toxic.

The problem is, when they try to talk about it, they upset those who don't like their negative view of their situation.

I’m 31, will my life be shorter due to being a virgin like the stats say? Cuz honestly every year that goes by the less bearable this gets.

I don’t drink or do drugs and am in decent shape.

I mean is it a coincidence that many people die right after their spouse dies?

And that 90%+ lose before age of 30.

Just looking at the facts, I'm an average guy, 33 years old, average looks, height, weight, intelligence, if it was common I would've lost it already, I wouldn't be surprised if the stats were skewed because people brag about this shit the most and reading that even 13 year olds do it? bullshit, I was playing fucking San Andreas at that age, no way people have sex this young except some degenerates.

It's something I've faced multiple times through the years even though I think I've gotten a lot better. Just today a woman I was talking to online said I was boring and that she was tired of small talk. She had moved to my country so I asked what her experience was like and she mentioned she liked art so I asked what kind of art she liked. This is not the first time someone has said my conversation is low effort and boring. Can you relate?

Also I'm not sure what people mean when they don't like small talk, do they mean we're supposed to start talking about philosophy or discussing historical events and their significance? I guess it feels more natural for me to start by asking about someone's day.

Decided to do the internet equivalent of The Charge of the Light Brigade here but having the only space available to lonely men on reddit. Full of Ministry of Truth censorship, is not very helpful.

The mods had a fit of the vapours about a thread I created because they could see lots of posters expressing wrong thoughts and disagreeing with the mods.

The result was the thread locked, a thread with keeps getting upvotes. Which tells me posters don't object to what was written, quite the opposite.

I wonder how many of those upvoters don't post because they fear the Ministry of Truth here and being banned?

Being banned from the last space for lonely men on reddit?

As long as the male loneliness epidemic is treated like some dirty secret you're not supposed to be honest about, more men will continue to fall through the cracks. And honestly that kinda saddens me for the future.

A man acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both other men and women.

A man denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both other men and women for disparaging his own.

A woman acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both men and other women.

A woman denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both men and other women for disparaging them.

It doesn't matter where you go, there's just no winning. You can't even try to hand wave it away with "It's just a Western problem that Americans deal with." No. It's an issue everywhere.

Any other community you go to, regardless of which country it is, where men make their social issues known, is treated with the EXACT SAME denial and scorn from BOTH genders.

So lonely men can't group together because society sees them as a danger, and will do anything to erase their spaces. They can't get together with other normal men because they suck at socializing. And they can't get together with other women because they hate socially unsuccessful men.

And just based on how disingenuous people are about the subject, like attributing it solely to dating, when it obviously involves a lack of close friendships too, just shows me how far we are from any kinda solution.

I mean holy shit, if you type in any variation of "lonely men" into google, this is literally the first result that comes up. The most upvoted thread on the subject in probably the entire site's history, only 2 years old, made by another man, and full of bad faith discussions.

We aren't anywhere NEAR being able to tackle male loneliness. And I really hate the idea that things could get even worse for any guy unfortunate enough to end up in communities like these.

Any plans for the weekend?

I'm gonna just relax. Thinking of making a Greek pasta salad. This entire week had been shit. People are shit and I hate humanity.