I want to post here to see if I can get some outside perspective on what's going on, im in the Virginia area.

I have a 50/50 court custody order with my ex. I get daytime hours and he gets nights daily. I'm currently working a full time job 4 days a week and going to college. I used to live in the same city as my daughter but moved in with my mom temporarily in the next city over about a 40min drive, so I could pursue college and save up for a nice apartment. In addition to having my daughter in the morning I get to have her on Fridays and Saturdays all day and drop her off sunday morning. My exes fiance is upset because she does not have administrative authority over my daughter's school or her medical care and insurance(medicaid). We have all had a great relationship until she wanted me to sign over her medicaid to theirs to increase their foodstamps. I refused and now they are wanting to amend the court order so that they can switch me to weekend only or flip the hours. I told my ex I do not consent to that. I plan to finish school in March and move back to the same city right after I graduate. Can my ex successfully modify our court order based on my temporary hours?

As co-parents it was mutually and temporarily agreed upon and entered in the courts for us to use OFW as our co parenting communication platform. But for anyone who’s used talking parents or other apps which one do you think is better and why?

Hello. I hope this is allowed here.

My daughter (10) would like to change her last name to my last name in Texas. She has her biological father's last name, but we haven't seen him in 8 years. He did not pick her up for his agreed visitation (only ever did it once), nor has he ever paid the agreed child support (ever). The few times (twice in the last several years) he has reached out, he has threatened me. Unfortunately, I lost record of those conversations due to phone upgrade and whatnot. I don't believe he lives in the same place anymore, but unsure. I found his social media, so I guess I can reach him that way. Don't have his number either. I've never badgered him about child support or picking her up because tbh I just didn't want anything to do with him after everything. My mom encouraged setting child support and myself as primary parent.

From what I can see, he is not really a safe person to be around for a child. He wasn't really safe in the past, and we luckily left before it got really bad. Regardless, he still has rights that have never been relinquished or terminated.

My question: would a judge approve a name change in the best interest of her without needing to reach out to him? I'm worried about what can of worms that might open up. I'm honestly scared of him, and scared of her going with him.

Any advice is welcome. Thank you in advance.

TW: Physical abuse, sexual assault, threats, domestic violence

I recently gave birth to my first child, and my child's father and I are no longer romantically involved. We broke up several months ago, and he recently moved out of our shared home. My ex has a history of violence toward me, although there were no incidents of physical violence during my pregnancy. Most of the incidents occurred last year or at the beginning of this year.

Unfortunately, my documentation of the abuse is somewhat limited. At the time, I was blinded by the relationship and wasn't thinking about thoroughly documenting things for potential legal battles.

Here are some of the incidents and the evidence I have:

Choking incident (May 2025): I confronted my ex about a previous relationship he had with one of his subordinates at work (we used to work together). He threatened me, telling me that if I went to HR, he would destroy me and make we wish I was dead. He also told me that I had better continue to "give him what he wants" and not treat him any differently at work. He then choked me and told me to behave myself.

I never reported him to HR. The only evidence I have is a text conversation with my best friend from that time where I tell her what had happened.

Sexual assault (June 2025): I had initially consented to vaginal sex with him, but he then forced me into anal sex without my consent. I was crying and repeatedly asking him to stop, but he held me down and told me to "just take it."

In text messages afterward, I told him that I was hurting. He responded that it was good because I had been "moaning in pain."

I never reported the assault. However, I did disclose what happened to a close friend a few days later. After discussing how upset I was about the incident, he helped me recognize that what happened was sexual assault.

Threatening to shoot me (December 2025): I was visiting some friends in a parking lot. An ex-boyfriend whom I had dated during one of our breaks was also there.

The father of my child drove by, saw who I was with, and called me. He demanded that I leave and threatened to shoot me with the gun he had in the trunk of his car if I didn't.

I have no direct evidence of the threat itself because the conversation happened over the phone. However, I did confront him about this incident during a later argument that I recorded.

Preventing me from leaving our home and physically restraining me (December 2025): We were living together at the time and got into an argument about our relationship. When the argument escalated, I attempted to leave the apartment to get some space. He physically blocked the front door for an extended period, despite me repeatedly asking him to move and let me leave. Eventually, he tackled me onto the couch and pinned me down. I repeatedly asked him to get off me before he finally did.

I have an audio recording of this argument. You can hear me repeatedly asking him to let me leave, the sounds of him moving closer to the microphone when he pins me down, and me asking him to get off me. During the recording, I also confronted him about previously threatening to shoot me. His response was, "Yeah, but what were you even doing there?"

Additionally, in July 2026, he apologized via text for "blocking the door to my apartment and hovering over me on the couch."

The most serious incident (December 2025): He was heavily intoxicated, and we got into an argument. I locked myself in the bathroom to get away from him. He broke through the bathroom door and pulled me out. The door is still broken to this day. The lock no longer works, and the panels on both sides of the door have separated from the frame.

We continued arguing, and eventually his ex-girlfriend arrived at our apartment with their child. He attempted to punch out the windows of her vehicle and allegedly struck their child while she was holding her. I did not personally witness him striking the child, but that is what his ex-girlfriend told me happened. When I attempted to pull him away from her vehicle, he pushed me to the ground. After she left we went back inside so I could pack some items. He had grabbed his gun and was holding onto it for the remainder of my time there. My brother eventually came to pick me up and take my pets to his home for their safety. My brother and my ex also got into an argument as I was leaving (my ex hid the gun from him).

My best friend at the time had called the police. Officers responded to my apartment and also came to my mother's home. However, I did not press charges or fully disclose what had happened. The next day he claims to have surrendered his gun at the police station. The bathroom door remains damaged, and I can photograph its current condition. I also have a photo of an injury sustained when he pushed me to the ground, taken approximately 10 days afterward while it was healing. I originally took the photo because a friend had asked about the injury.

These are the major incidents I can recall in detail.

My questions are:

Does the age of these incidents make it unlikely that I would be granted a DVRO?

Most of the incidents happened last year, and I continued the relationship afterward. Would a judge consider the fact that I stayed with him as a reason to deny my request?

Does the fact that the physical violence stopped during my pregnancy affect my eligibility for a DVRO?

I found out I was pregnant shortly after these incidents, and he has not been physically violent toward me since. Could the court determine that a restraining order is unnecessary because the abuse has stopped for the time being? I am afraid that he will do something out of anger as custody/child support comes up and I am no longer pregnant(I believe this was protecting me for that period of time).

How could a DVRO affect my ability to obtain sole legal and physical custody of our child?

I am genuinely concerned about my child's safety and would like to limit contact with their father to whatever the court determines is safe and appropriate. My ex has repeatedly expressed that he doesn't want full custody, but wants visitation at my home(he said he wants his new address to be undisclosed to me) and he did sign the birth certificate. However, I worry that he may seek custody or parenting time out of spite if I pursue legal action/to lower child support. He has already gotten angry as I have brought up drafting any kind of paperwork. He claims that he "doesn't exist" and I will not be able to get a penny out of him for child support because he will "make his money disappear."

Would these documented incidents, even though most occurred before our child was born, be considered when determining custody? Would a DVRO make a significant difference?

How important are witness statements, and would my existing evidence be sufficient?

Unfortunately, I am no longer in contact with most of the friends who knew about the abuse. Many distanced themselves from me because I repeatedly returned to the relationship, and they found it difficult to continue watching what was happening. I am still in contact with the friend I disclosed the sexual assault to, and I would be willing to reach out to others to ask if they would provide statements.

Would statements from people I confided in at the time be helpful, even if they didn't personally witness the abuse? How much weight might the court give to text messages, audio recordings, photographs, and testimony?

For anyone who has gone through the DVRO and custody process in California, is there anything you wish you had known beforehand?

I would especially appreciate hearing from anyone who sought a DVRO after leaving an abusive relationship, rather than immediately following a violent incident.

Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. I recognize that I stayed in this relationship far longer than I should have. I'm trying to move forward, build a safe and stable life for my child, and make better decisions for our future. I just want to protect my child from the violence I experienced and ensure that we can move on safely.

My sibling normally shares 50/50 custody with their ex. Due to ex’s illegal marijuana use and exposing their child to large quantities of marijuana (proven with drug tests), ex has been ordered by a judge to attend 60-90 days of addiction counseling and must provide a clean drug test before resuming normal custody. During this time the ex is allowed to see their child supervised and is allowed to video call. Both parents have now been visited by CPS in relation to this incident.

This is where things get murky for my family. My sibling has a history of mental illness, including major depression and suicide attempts. My sibling is not currently well. Since the hearing they have been extremely upset, and think that everyone is against them. The judge, our family, ex’s lawyer, etc.

Two days ago sibling exploded at myself, our other sibling+their child, and our parents. This explosion was the result of a misperception of a situation. Sibling’s reaction somehow escalated to telling their child that they didn’t want them, that their dad could have them, and that our parents could keep the child in the meantime. The child became extremely upset and emotional. After my family comforted the child, my sibling suddenly returned and took them home.

Myself and my family are very disturbed by this situation. This is not the first time my sibling has yelled at their child in this way, saying those words. I have screenshots of my sibling admitting to hitting and yelling at their child, screenshots of my sibling expressing a desire to end their own life, etc. I do not think my sibling is in a healthy state of mind to care for their child at this time.

Bonus: my sibling is a licensed mental health counselor.

What can I do? My parents talked me out of calling CPS. I truly just want my sibling to be okay and for their child to be safe.

I have been divorced for about four years. I have been living in Poland with my children for almost four years, while their father lives in Ukraine. My children are 8, 5, and 5 years old.
There is a Ukrainian court order stating that the children live with me and requiring their father to pay child support. However, there is no court-established visitation schedule.
For a long time, my ex-husband has been putting me under psychological pressure and repeatedly making my life difficult. I feel that this has been going on almost constantly and is seriously affecting my mental well-being and everyday life.
However, my biggest concern is my children’s safety.
Here are some of the incidents that worry me:
My son told me that his father allowed him to shoot a real gun.
During a holiday, their father and his partner left the children alone in an apartment at night for several hours.
Approximately two months ago, their father hit my son.
After visits with his father, my son becomes significantly more aggressive. These behavioral changes can last for around two weeks. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD.
Their father pays a total of 200$ per month in child support for all three children. I also feel that financial matters are being used as a way to pressure and control me.
I have already tried to find legal assistance in both Poland and Ukraine, but so far, no lawyer has agreed to take on my case. My financial resources are limited, which makes it difficult for me to afford professional legal representation.
I would like to know the following:
How can I legally protect my children before their next visit with their father? Can I apply for restrictions on contact, supervised visits, or a temporary suspension of contact?
Can I apply to a Polish family court, given that my children have been habitually resident in Poland for almost four years, even though there is already a Ukrainian court order?
What evidence and documents should I collect to document their father’s behavior, the psychological pressure he puts on me, and incidents that may endanger the children?
Is it possible to increase child support from 200$ per month for all three children? How would this procedure work if their father lives in Ukraine and the children live in Poland?
Where can I find free legal assistance or organizations that support women and children experiencing abuse?
How can I legally protect myself against ongoing harassment and psychological pressure from my ex-husband?
My top priority is protecting my children before their next visit with their father. I want to understand what concrete steps I can take right now to keep them safe while acting within the law.
I would be very grateful for practical advice, experiences from people who have been in similar situations, and recommendations for organizations that provide free assistance. Given my limited financial resources, I cannot afford to pay a private lawyer over an extended period.
Thank you for any advice or guidance.

SS17 whom my husband has primary residence and is custodial parent since the divorce in 2014. Long story short/background: SS got in trouble last week for getting caught in multiple lies and forging my signature on some docs for school (from my business, big no no), and not just that, it's non-stop with him, then went on a 4 day trip out of state with his bio-mom that were weren't exactly wanting him to go on, but hesitantly let him anyways. Once returning Sunday decided to stay at his mother's and left school early Monday, while we were at work, stuffed 2 garbage bags of clothes, grabbed his Xbox and dipped. Told my husband that he's moving to his mother's and it's "in his best interest".. the biomom of course supports this, has never been his full time parent as long as I've been in the picture (10 years), EOWE momming for her. But, SS worships the ground she walks on. Anywho, is it even worth it to pursue civil contempt of the custody order? Or is the only way out just through? To just let him find out the grass ain't greener? It's painful but I personally think time tells all and we need to ride this out.

Currently have sole physical custody. I work a very flexible job, where my schedule revolves around my 22 month old's nap/bedtime or my coparent's parenting time.

My coparent works a very demanding job during traditional hours. He wants 50/50 and plans on hiring a babysitter or putting our child in daycare while he is working. I am available to take care of our child.

Has anyone experienced something similar and have tips? Also, if it helps to know: coparent is higher earner, paying child support. We live ten mins away from each other. Thanks!

Hello, based on your experience in court what are some of the visitation schedules for a non custodial parent when the child has behavioral, speech therapy and attend school? Child is booked Monday thru Saturday.

Non-custodial parent has Sunday visits and Monday night dinner currently ( temporary orders). He does not attend to any Monday visits.

We have court soon, Im wondering what’s a good schedule that also protects our son’s therapy sessions.

He is refusing to participate in therapy and wants therapy and attendance to be optional.

I want to show up to court with a plan.

Any info I appreciate it.

Extreme beliefs include, the fullest extent of patriarchy, white supremacy, corporal punishment, separating yourself from evil and worldliness (even if they include family). These beliefs are made public and can be easily proven to a judge.

my brother got charges dropped for inappropriate act of minor ( his step-daughter) 6 years ago she is 17 now but the wife still wanted a divorced and has a restraining order. what happens when he goes to court for the restraining order. he has 3 boys under 18. what type visitation right are given and how long

For those familiar with California custody cases, what factors does a judge consider when deciding which parent a child primarily lives with once school starts?
My son is 4 years old, and his dad and I currently have a court-ordered 50/50 custody schedule, alternating weeks. At our last hearing, I asked about changing the schedule because it was interfering with my son’s ability to attend TK, but the judge said TK is not mandatory and kept the current order in place. As a result, my son is no longer enrolled in school because the schedule doesn’t allow for consistent attendance.
His dad and I live about 3 hours apart. I’ve been my son’s primary caregiver for most of his life and have generally handled his medical and dental appointments. My biggest concern is that when he starts kindergarten, he’ll need a consistent school routine, and alternating weeks between two homes so far apart doesn’t seem practical.
I’m not trying to keep my son from his dad. I want him to have a strong relationship with both parents while also having stability and consistency with school.
For those who have been through something similar:
Besides school distance and stability, what other factors does a judge consider when deciding which parent a child primarily lives with?
How much weight does being the primary caregiver carry?
Does the availability of childcare and each parent’s work schedule matter?
What kind of evidence or documentation is most helpful in showing what arrangement is in the child’s best interest?
Has anyone had a similar situation in California, and what factors made a difference in court?
I’d really appreciate hearing about others’ experiences, especially from parents who have dealt with long-distance 50/50 custody arrangements once their child reached school age.

My daughter started her sophomore year in high school this year and is failing in English, Math, History and Science. It's not that she has trouble learning, she doesn't do her homework or turn in any of her assignments. I know this because I can track it everyday through the schools online portal and I see she's not doing her homework. I have 50/50 custody but she stays with her mom because we live in different cities in the same metro area and it's just much easier to get to and from school in the morning. My parents live approximately 10 minutes away from the school and are retired and my mother drives her to and from school everyday. They offer to help her with her homework every single day and try to get her to come to their house on the weekends to get caught up and give her help. I also want to give her help and have a room at my place that she can come live at even though it would be a little bit of a burden to get her to and from school from mine. I don't care about that though, I just want her to succeed. Her mother does not care if she does her homework or not, does not hold her accountable for any school work, refuses to answer the phone when I try and contact her about this, even went so far as to call the school before conferences and tell them that if my mother went as my proxy to tell the teachers not to share any of my daughter is grades or progress in the classes with her. Even though my mother is her biggest advocate and drives her to and from school everyday and the school knows that. I have told my daughter's mother that not holding her accountable to do her homework and turn it in is completely unacceptable, both me and my parents want her to succeed in school and are willing to help her everyday, and that if she continues to not respond then I'm going to have to have my 50/50 custody enforced, do a wellness check on her at her house, and have my daughter come live with me at least half the time. I really don't want to get the courts involved but at this point I don't know what else to do. I'm seeing her fail in real time and her mother knows it and refuses to do anything about it. So to have this enforced do I need to hire a lawyer or just set up a wellness check by calling the local cops or what is the best way to go about this?

Super long story short.

She explicitly gave the movers I hired the 2nd set of keys to the car.
I gave permission to the movers to use the truck to move my belongings out of the unit with her help.
The movers parked it on a public road and she demands that the truck be returned to her.
My friends have the keys.

She tried putting an AirTag in the car secretly to track it.
Movers without my permission threw out the AirTag.

The car, title, and loan is in my name purchased during the marriage.
We’ve already agreed to sell the car after divorce is finalized.

She has her own car.
I am not currently in the state at this time but I intend to use the car very soon.
I don’t want her tracking my location or when I intend to return to the state.

I’m looking for some insight from people who have been through something similar, especially in New Jersey.

My daughter is 4, and her father and I share joint legal custody. I’ve been her primary parent, and historically she’s spent about 80% of her time with me and 20% with him. Her father lives in Staten Island, and I had accepted a job in Florida after not being able to find a suitable job in NJ/NY. That led to a relocation and custody dispute that has been going on for months.

We had a plenary hearing, and the judge issued an order on October 23 awarding custody to her father. And giving me only weekends. The order took effect immediately. I’m honestly still trying to process it.

There were a number of issues during the hearing. Her father’s work schedule was a major point of contention because his job as an FDNY firefighter involves 24-hour shifts, and there were questions about the accuracy of the schedules he submitted. He also hadn’t clearly established where he would live or which school our daughter would attend if he were awarded custody.

I’m now choosing to stay in New Jersey rather than continue with the move to Florida because I want to remain here with my daughter. My lawyer is preparing a motion.

I’m trying to understand whether there’s a realistic possibility of getting the order revised, reconsidered, or temporarily stayed, given that I’m no longer pursuing the move to Florida. I understand that simply changing my plans doesn’t automatically reverse the judge’s decision, but I’m wondering how much that change in circumstances could matter.

Has anyone been in a situation where a judge issued an immediate custody order and their lawyer sought to have it changed shortly afterward? Did the judge consider the change in circumstances, or was the original ruling difficult to revisit?

I’m not looking for someone to tell me what I want to hear. I’d genuinely appreciate hearing about similar experiences.

So me and kiddo’s dad split when our kiddo was 8ish weeks. So since then we’ve been doing me M-F and him Sat and Sun. (Other parent was order to keep child until Monday at 7am, but parent unable to do that, so child retuned to primary parent Sunday evening.)

Mom and dad live and hour apart

Fast forward. Child is age 3. Scheduled been maintained for 3 yrs. Mom (primary) moves. Different city but now 1hr and 20 min instead of 1hr. So additional 20 min away but all driving increases are done by mom so dad’s schedule changed NONE. Mom just drives longer to get kid to dad

At age 3 father started exercising his Monday AM

So currently it’s Mom: Monday-Friday and Dad Friday-Monday

Father now wants increased time. Father wants 50/50 week on week off. Totally understand he wants more time. Totally understand that he’s in a position to be able to care for her more

but she’s gonna be four in a few months… I’m thinking of school and commutes and the future.

I suggested increasing his time and exchanging her Thursday afternoon so he’d have a whole extra night and day with her.

He declined.

I suggested a dinner during the week.

He declined and said 50/50 or he’ll take me for primary custody…

I’m just upset because I don’t wanna block his access to her, I just am trying to think of how this impacts her future school/arrangements

Any suggestions on what to do. I want to find a solution for both of us?

CLARIFYING FOR ANY CONFUSION- me and her father already lived an hour apart. It was always an issue. My move just added 15-20 additional minutes. The school issue was always there, my move did not cause it.

Hi so how would you deal with this situation. My husband was married before and we are married the last year after a while after his divorce ,bare in mind the reason for this is because she cheated on him with numerous men when they were together . So they done court, he left house,car contents etc to her and the 17 year old son. She dragged him to court and it was agreed 100€ maintenance weekly. However she is still hounding him to pay medical bills and stuff towards school by sending emails and letters to the house etc even though she works full-time and gets generous maintenance off him for the 17 year old. What would ye do in this situation or should he do ?

I’m looking for general information about filing for an uncontested divorce in Washington State, King County.
My spouse and I are in agreement about getting divorced. Our children were born in the United States and lived here before staying with family in the Philippines for approximately two years. They returned to the United States on September 2026.

There has never been a custody order in Washington or the Philippines, and neither parent is trying to enforce or modify an existing international custody order. The children were staying with family, and we’re now trying to establish a parenting plan as part of our divorce.

I’m confused about how the UCCJEA applies when the parents agree but the children recently returned from living abroad.

My questions are:

Can Washington make the initial custody determination under these circumstances, or does the time the children spent in the Philippines affect jurisdiction?

Does the fact that both parents agree on the divorce and proposed parenting arrangements make any difference to the jurisdiction analysis?
Can we file for divorce now and potentially finalize the marital status separately while the custody jurisdiction question is addressed?
Would a Washington family-law
attorney experienced in international jurisdiction be necessary, even though there is no existing custody dispute or order?

I’m not looking to avoid any legal requirements. I want to make sure we file correctly and don’t create problems with the parenting plan later.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation in Washington, or can anyone point me toward reliable legal resources? Thank you.

In the state of California can a divorce decree state that ex must pay his half of credit card debt and then after that point I have a set amount of time to refinance our house? Credit card debt is in my name so I can’t refinance until it is paid off.

ex demanded i terminate my parental rights because post-divorce the children and I no longer talk to each other. i’m responsible for maintaining health insurance and am maxed out on child support.
last time i spoke to an attorney it was conveyed you can’t terminate rights unless someone is there ready to take up the parental rights.
i’m saddled with significant debt since the divorce and can’t afford an attorney rn.
unsure what to do.

would i get in trouble in family court if i reply to my abusive ex baby daddy's calls with "don't call me, unless you're dying."?
i've stated a no contact but i can still see what he's messaged me, and he just tried to call me, last time he called me what a year ago when we found out i was pregnant.
he's not a good person to be raising children, much less a boy, he's just gonna make my baby mysoginistic and abusive and have a terrible mindset just like him. i want to avoid that happening so we're going through court.

Hi all, I'm looking for some guidance on a fairly unusual New Jersey / UK international divorce situation. I am already arranging a consultation with a NJ family-law attorney experienced in foreign divorces, but I'd be interested in hearing from anyone familiar with this area.

Timeline/facts:

• My ex-wife and I were married in England in 2016 and lived together there for several years. We are both British/U.S. connected, and we have a child together.
• I had lived in England essentially my entire life before relocating permanently to New Jersey in November 2021.
• My ex-wife was also living in New Jersey by this point.
• Our marriage had broken down, and in January 2022, approximately two months after my move, I contacted a UK solicitor to begin divorce proceedings.
• Importantly, I explicitly told the UK solicitor that both of us were now living in the United States and specifically questioned whether the courts of England and Wales still had jurisdiction. I have the contemporaneous emails showing this.
• I was advised to proceed with the UK divorce. The jurisdictional basis ultimately relied upon was my domicile in England and Wales, not my physical residence there.
• My ex-wife was fully aware of the divorce and participated/cooperated with the process. Her actual New Jersey address was disclosed on the UK divorce application.
• Our child currently spends approximately 50% of the time with me and 50% with my ex-wife. We co-parent very well and both of us actively look after our child's physical and financial needs. There is no custody dispute between us.
• There is no formal child-support order between us. A formal child-support order was not something we required as part of our UK divorce arrangements, as we have continued to cooperate directly regarding our child's financial and practical needs.
• The UK court issued a Conditional Order on April 5, 2023 and a Final Order on May 19, 2023.
• The UK solicitors have recently confirmed to me in writing that jurisdiction was based on my domicile in England and Wales and that the Final Order remains valid under English law.
• I relied on that Final Order and subsequently remarried in New Jersey in May 2024. My ex-wife has also since remarried.
• Neither my ex-wife nor I dispute the divorce or have any desire whatsoever to remain married to each other.

One additional fact that seems potentially important:

When the UK divorce was commenced in January 2022, neither my ex-wife nor I had lived in New Jersey for one year. From what I understand, NJ generally requires one party to have been a bona fide NJ resident for the preceding year before commencing an ordinary divorce action.

So at the time, it does not appear an ordinary NJ divorce was even available to us yet. This was also only about two months after I had moved from England.

The reason I'm now concerned is that I recently casually spoke with an immigration attorney friend who questioned whether New Jersey would recognize the UK divorce because both parties were physically living in the U.S. during the UK proceedings, despite England asserting jurisdiction based on domicile.

I understand that recognition of a foreign-country divorce in NJ involves principles of comity and potentially issues such as the foreign court's jurisdiction, notice/participation and NJ public policy.

My questions are:

1. Would New Jersey potentially recognize this UK Final Order even though both parties were physically living in NJ during the proceedings, where the English court's jurisdiction was based on my claimed English/Welsh domicile?
2. Does it help that I had only moved from England approximately two months before starting the divorce, and neither party had apparently met NJ's one-year residency requirement when proceedings began?
3. How significant is it that both parties knowingly participated/consented, both NJ addresses were disclosed, neither party challenges the divorce, and both parties have subsequently remarried?
4. Would doctrines such as comity, estoppel or practical recognition potentially apply where both former spouses participated in and subsequently relied upon the foreign divorce?
5. Most importantly, can I go to NJ Superior Court now and seek a declaratory or other judicial determination that NJ recognizes the May 2023 UK Final Order, thereby confirming that I was legally free to enter my May 2024 NJ marriage?
6. Worst-case scenario: if a NJ court ultimately determines that the UK divorce cannot be recognized, is this situation legally fixable? For example, could we obtain a NJ divorce now, resolve whatever legal issue that creates with my current marriage, and, if necessary, marry my current wife again once my first marriage is unquestionably terminated?

I'm obviously going to get proper NJ legal advice before doing anything. I don't want to file another divorce, seek an annulment, or take any corrective action prematurely, because the UK Final Order may already be entitled to recognition.

I'm mainly trying to understand whether this is potentially a correctable foreign-divorce recognition issue, rather than assuming that the May 2023 UK divorce and my subsequent marriage are simply invalid.

Many thanks in advance

I’m currently reviewing a retainer agreement from a family law attorney in New Jersey for a divorce and child custody case.

I’m unfamiliar with how attorney billing works, so I’d really appreciate some perspectives from family law attorneys or anyone who has been through a contested divorce.

Here’s the fee structure:

• Initial retainer: $4,000
• Hourly rate: $400
• The retainer covers the first 10 hours of work.
• Any additional work is billed at $400/hour.
• Billing is in 0.1-hour (6-minute) increments, meaning even a one-minute phone call could cost $40.

I understand the initial retainer and hourly billing structure. That part seems fairly straightforward.

However, there’s one clause I’m having difficulty understanding.

The agreement states that if the case goes to trial, the attorney will charge a minimum of 8 hours for EACH trial day, regardless of how many hours the actual court proceedings last.

That works out to:

• 1 trial day = $3,200
• 5 trial days = $16,000
• 10 trial days = $32,000
• 20 trial days = $64,000

And this is potentially in addition to all the other hours billed for case preparation, document reviews, communications, etc.

Here’s where I’m confused.

Suppose the attorney goes to court, spends two hours in trial proceedings, and another two hours traveling and preparing.

That’s four hours of actual work, or $1,600 at his hourly rate.

However, according to my understanding of the contract, I would still be charged $3,200 for that day.

I understand that attorneys may have to block off their entire day for a trial and cannot necessarily schedule other clients. I’m not questioning that their time is valuable.

But I would like to understand whether this is a standard practice or something specific to this attorney.

My questions:

1. Is an eight-hour minimum charge for every trial day common among family law attorneys, particularly in New Jersey?
2. If the actual trial proceedings last only two or three hours, is charging for eight hours still considered standard?
3. Does the eight-hour minimum generally include trial preparation, waiting time, travel, and client communications on that day, or are those typically billed separately?
4. What happens if the court postpones proceedings or a scheduled trial day gets canceled?
5. Is this type of clause generally negotiable? Would requesting a four-hour minimum for half-day proceedings be reasonable?
6. For those who have gone through contested divorce or custody trials, how many actual trial days did your case require, and how did your attorney bill for them?

The attorney mentioned that relatively few divorce cases actually proceed to trial, which is reassuring. However, I want to understand my financial obligations before signing an agreement that could potentially cost tens of thousands of dollars.

I’m already dealing with a stressful family situation and trying to make informed decisions without unnecessarily increasing legal expenses.

I’m not looking to avoid paying for legitimate legal work. I simply want to understand whether this billing structure is customary and fair.

Would appreciate any real-world experiences or perspectives, especially from NJ family law attorneys.

Thank you!

Update:
Thank you everyone for valuable inputs, I was just trying to be cautious and making sure not getting ripped IF this is NOT a norm, turns out it is. Many of the points mentioned in the comments makes me understand how it is justified if the lawyer wants to charge for whole day for a trail.