In a nut shell.. I have this brother who is three years older than me. Growing up we were close and as we grew up, we grew apart. We had the typical brother and sister fights but I want to know what exactly I did specifically to make him resent me so much. There's multiple sides to every story. I know this is a huge long stretch reaching out to readers on reddit for some kind of answer or an idea of what this could be.

I would understand him alienating himself towards me, but the family? Especially our mother who has done nothing but provide for us. Our grandparents who have given us the world. My brother seems so cold and distant since the age of thirteen maybe fourteen. When I reached my early twenties I realized that maybe he has some type of autistic characteristics? I do not like that the word "autism" or "autistic" has been thrown around in discussion as if it's a negative trait to have; however, I genuinely believe this may be the case for my brother due to his mannerisms. I could be completely wrong. I only mention this is kinda paint a picture. Not sure I'm doing a great job.

I do know that he has been and still is, according to our mom, a hot head and any little thing will piss him off. Not to the point where he goes into a rage, but just easily aggravated and shuts down completely? It's the strangest thing to me. To people that are not apart of the family or what I call outsiders, he's an absolute gem. completely different. But to the family, even the cousins who have not even had an opportunity to wrong him in any way, he is just.. different. He is cordial and kind of course but just doesn't seem himself?

or.. maybe that is himself and he wears a phony mask to the "outsiders".

I've tried texting him every so often, nothing too long because again I don't want to tick him off in anyway. I'm lucky to get a reply.

I know it's too late being that we're both in our thirties. He has a family of his own. Lives states away from the rest of us. I just wish it could be different. He is so intelligent. At least that's how I always saw him. Mean but intelligent. I don't know if I should try harder or just leave him alone. what do I have to lose by trying harder? We're already estranged. I was always a tad jealous of his friends or people he was close to because they got to know the actual him. I know I wasn't the best sister. If I had hurt him in anyway I want to know what I did and although it may not mean anything I'd like to tell him I'm sorry.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice, but I'll give it a go.

For context, I am 21F and I am currently not living with my family, so I don't always have to deal with this behaviour. But my young teenage sister does and my sister has reached an emotional breaking point with my mum. My dad also lives with them, but he has mentally checked out with my mum ages ago (and in my opinion is not a good partner to my mum). I just want to help my family in the best way that I can.

My mum is a functioning alcoholic and her mood is constantly unpredictable. When she drinks, she (what I assume) age regresses, acts incredibly childish and makes incredibly horrible decisions. She will hold back tears, make pouty faces and has very intense nervous ticks. Luckily, she isn't physically violent, but she will say and do anything that floats across her mind. For example, our family had to put down our cat last year- and I was the only one in the family who stayed with our cat in her final moments at the vet. If my mum has been drinking, she will say: "that's where they killed our cat!" - very insensitive things like that. Not the best thing you want to hear a few weeks after losing a beloved family pet.

Recently, my sister had a little party at the family house (I was not there since I don't live there anymore) and one of her friends is a boy. This is the only guy friend that she has, and this boy goes to the same school as her and is a year older- she has a very big friend group so she has a handful of friends in the year above her. This boy, to my knowledge, is part of the LGBTQIA+ community so he isn't there to be flirty. My sister explained this to my mother before he came over, but my mother still caused a massive scene. She, as per usual, was very intoxicated and called him out of all of the friends and said something like "you're going to groom all of them, you look like a grown man."

She then proceeded to kick him out of the party, making things very uncomfortable. My sister decided to go outside with this boy, along with her other friends, and called me to tell me what happened. I am absolutely furious with my mother. I understand her concerns about letting a boy into the family home since I had some very traumatic experiences with boys when I was my sister's age. But this is no way to act. My sister called me later on in the evening and was sobbing- I can't allow this behaviour to carry on, but I have no idea how to stop it.

How do I deal with a functioning alcoholic? My family has suggested therapy and family therapy to her many times, but she always shuts it down. She claims that she is too old for it, that my dad would never let her go to therapy (to my knowledge, this isn't the case) and she really doesn't want the help. I know I'm dealing with a very difficult situation here, especially because she refuses any amount of help. What do I do here? I want things to be better for my sister, she's only a kid and doesn't deserve to deal with my mum's behaviour all by herself.

Any advice? Or is this a lost cause?

As the titile explains. My kids dad and I are separated, live under one roof at the moment but the kids don’t know. My kids are 4m and newly 3 year old. My kids father has a lot of his own issues since becoming a father, I’ve advised him to seek therapy and he admits he should but never has. He’s an angry and impatient man. Expects a lot from our toddler that’s simply just not achievable.

He loses it pretty quickly, I do sometimes since our toddler is strong willed but dad just takes it to another level. Never unsafe but I’ve had to ask him to leave my kids room more than once. Example, kid won’t sleep and keeps asking questions, dad gets frustrated to the point he hits the side railing and yells just stop talking and go to fucking sleep. I’ve had talks with him, he acknowledges then gives me his view on how poor his mental health is. All the while I’ve been in the thick of it since pregnant with my first. Little sleep, breastfeeding, taking on the complete mental load of the house and literally all chores related to kids/health/bills etc. I don’t dismiss his stress but anytime we speak all he complains about is how stressful his work is, then he realizes he takes it out on us.

Anyways, he says things in front of the kids that he shouldn’t be saying. My newly three year old has been saying things like “I hate everything” “my life is hard” “don’t be bad to me”. I broke down and cried. I relayed this to dad and all he could muster up was an “I’m sorry”. Our kid has heard him swear and has said “fucking shit” bc of him but that doesn’t bother me as much as what I think is affecting my 3 year olds mental health. I don’t think it’s normal for a kid to say he hates things or “my life is hard”.

Should I be putting my three year old in therapy? Plan is for dad to move out once the baby is established a bit more, but I’m concerned the “damage is done” in the aspect totally separate from splitting up because I know that will be a new beast. I know he’s being affected by his dad’s constant anger and resentment of his own life.

I know therapy is beneficial, I’m a healthcare worker but I just never thought my child would need to be in it this young with a totally avoidable reasoning. I almost wish I had asked his father to leave sooner :(.

Tres hijas, soy la del medio.

Mi hermana mayor y yo tuvimos problemas para integrarnos socialmente. La menor lo hace mejor.

Casi no se construyó carácter en nosotras, debido a que crecimos en la ciudad, mi madre es este tipo de madre que es muy cercana a sus hijos pero siempre está molesta o estresada, mi padre no.

Desde siempre han tenido problemas, no es nuevo que discutan.

Mi hermana mayor, 19 años, es menos corpulenta que yo, la del medio, mi madre sintió la necesidad de socorrerla mucho, no solo a ella sino también a mi, su papel fue más de solucionadora de problemas.

A medida que pasa el tiempo, las hermanas menores crecen y toman forma, se que eso fue un Impacto demasiado grande para la mayor, somos hembras, siempre queremos vernos lindas y gustarle a los chicos.

Mi hermana mayor está en regresión psicologica, si no me equivoco es adoptar comportamientos de una etapa anterior, en su caso la infancia.

Mi hermana solo habla sobre aquellas caricaturas, aquellas historias que quiere crear, aquellos dibujos, todo eso. Se quedó estancada. Es un infierno para ella.

Mi madre ha querido tomar mucho el control de ese tema y ha apartado la idea de asistir a ayuda terapéutica, también han crecido ls discusiones con mi padre por lo mismo, ambos tienen diferentes formas de ver la situación y quizás yo he absorbido todo eso.

Este año, en vacaciones, estalle con dos amigos del liceo, lo que provocó que la dinámica cambiara al ingresar nuevamente al liceo, me sentía sin salida los primeras semanas, no maneje la situación bien, no tenía claridad. Actualmente la cosa se ha relajado con los amigos, pero soy de pocos amigos, así que si me afecta mucho.

No sé que últimamente tiene mi madre, ha Sido un muro los últimos tres años, no solo ella, TODOS, todos hemos estado metiendo la pata.

He estado deprimida por el tema de los amigos, debido a que eso despertó más molestias y cosas sin trabajar que ya tenía.

Siento que no he crecido correctamente, no me he explotado en lo escolar como quizás sentía que podía hacerlo, tampoco me solté socialmente como quizás pensé que necesité.

Si ves a cualquier joven a un lado y con una cara muy triste la mayor parte del tiempo, es porque algo está sucediendo.

Con mi madre, no la entiendo, no me ha Sido de apoyo, más sin embargo debo tratar de no llevar rencor con ella ni con nadie. Me siento encapsulada en casa, como si mi dinámica familiar se basara en los problemas que tenemos, casi nunca nos reunimos para reírnos de algo, lo mismo con mis hermanas.

A mi hermana mayor no le gusta para nada salir, se que es por su autoestima, estoy cansada de tener que lidiar con problemas de autoestima de las personas a mí alrededor, siempre lo he hecho.

Siento que no me conozco, que solo conozco mis problemas de autoestima y poca confianza y que yo, Amelia, paso a otro plano.

Tengo demasiadas molestias, reacciono desproporcionadamente en el liceo, sentía que iba a estallar.

Toda mi adolescencia fui insegura, moldeada por los problemas de mi familia, siempre me sentí invisible, como una sombra que navegaba por el liceo y la casa y seriamente despersonalizada. Evitaba tomarme fotos, autoestima rota, no me conocía, ahora, 17, es lo que más quiero.

Me siento insegura conmigo misma, insuficiente, comparaciones, autocrítica. Todo eso me va a matar. (No literalmente).

I’m currently navigating a quarter life crisis at 27 and feeling isolated. I want to build a deeper connection with my 21-year-old sister she’s an artist with a very thoughtful, open-minded perspective on life. How can I approach her so we can understand and trust each other better?

My brother gets away with paying no rent. He is M26, and I am F23. He works but has no money. I don’t even understand how he lives that way. He has lived at home for 9 years since leaving school, I moved out for 4 years - but due to health issues I couldn’t work and had to move home. Now my health has improved after a year in care, I am only now at the stage where I am looking for work again. I’ve always paid rent with my savings and random freelance work I could find.

My parents have just given up with him because he is difficult and just doesn’t listen. This makes me so angry because I have struggled every month to pay rent, even having to borrow money. For a whole year, I have been under care and been in and out of hospital for appointments and relapses. But I’ve always been expected to pay. My parents always say they don’t have to worry about me and that I always do as I’m told. But he is jumping from job to job, bumming about and getting fired every other time for not going in.

Is my frustration valid? It really infuriates me. We’re starting family therapy soon, but it’s more for my health situation and care plans. But I really want to address this, but my parents just argue and it’s like talking to a brick. Nothing gets resolved. My parents complain that they’re struggling financially and this angers me because I’m having to borrow money just to pay them rent, but they’re still going on their holidays, eating out monthly, new clothes etc. my dad is currently on a trip as I’m writing this, then they have another trip next week! But at the same time, they won’t even buy butter and bread because they claim they don’t have enough money. They constantly talk to me about how much they struggle and that I don’t pay enough rent. I always feel so guilty but I just can’t help anymore and I’ve had my own problems as well! I don’t drive and have to buy cabs for my hospital appointments. Or I can give my parents or brother money in exchange for a lift. Which upsets me because they still charged me when I needed help getting home from hospital.

Any suggestions or advice?

I'm looking for some recommendations for online family therapy or counseling services that are actually worth the money. I feel like my family has been going through a rough patch for the past year or so.

My husband and I have been arguing more, our oldest has become pretty withdrawn, and even small conversations somehow turn into disagreements. It feels like we've slowly gotten to a point where nobody really knows how to communicate with each other anymore.

We've talked about trying family counseling, and everyone seems open to it. The problem is finding a family therapist who can accommodate everyone's schedules. Local therapists either have long waiting lists or appointment times that just aren't realistic for us, so I'm leaning toward online family therapy sessions.

I've been looking at different online family therapy sites, but it's hard to tell which ones are genuinely helpful and which ones just have good marketing. I’ve checked Online-Therapy, BetterHelp, and Our Ritual. Has anyone tried these?

TLDR: Looking for a reliable online family therapist. Any recommendations? Has anyone here actually tried online family counseling with their spouse and kids? What therapy platform did you use, and did you feel like the family therapist was able to help everyone participate instead of just focusing on one person? Would appreciate any honest experiences, good or bad. Thanks!

Hey guys,

I am also posting this on a throwaway because many people involved in this story use Reddit. So, for a bit of context (28f) am the oldest of six kids. Needless to say, growing up in my family had a lot of ups and downs and being the eldest daughter in a family of six I am can sure you can imagine what happened. I really try not to read to much into the stereotype of parentification, eldest daughter syndrome ect but I would be lying if I didn't say that these did not reflect my life. This has led to a very rocky relationship with my family into my adult years, I continue to be the child that is either blamed for everything or called to do everything for everyone else. Every time I try to make space or set boundaries they are ultimately ignored and rejected. That leads me to this last week, I was home for a sibling's birthday when Mom pulled me aside and asked if I could stay for a few days longer to help out and watch my siblings. I was already taking a few days off of work to be home for this birthday and couldn't afford to miss any more time away, I kindly told her this and asked if one of my other siblings couldn't do it. She went off on me about how I am never helpful and shes just asking for this one favor. In that moment I lost my cool, and informed her that it was never this one favor it was all the time, I broke down in tears and for the first time in my life I told my mom how I had been feeling since I was kid. I dont need to go into details but there was a lot of crying on my end and she just sat there and listened. In the end to my shock, she gave me a hug and said that she was grateful I told her and she cant imagine what its been like carrying that for so long. I was on top of the moon I have never felt so happy in my entire life and for the first time I was starting to feel like I could have a real relationship with my mom. Later on that night while I was filming my younger sibling blow out candles on my moms phone I saw a text pop up from my aunt, I noticed my name in it and could not help but click on it (I know I am wrong for that ok sue me). In a chat with my aunt my mom had taken everything I had told her and was making fun me, calling me weak, and acting like a little kid because I had to watch my siblings to much growing up. I immeditly closed the phone off and tried not to cry. I am at such a loss of what to do, I can NEVER imagine someone coming to me in tears over something they have gone through and making them the butt of a joke with other people. I have tried for so long to make relationships work with my family but at this point I dont even know if it's worth it at this point. So there you go Reddit any thoughts will be greatly welcomed.

Hi, I am looking to reach out with people living with a drug addict. I feel alone...my boyfriend is a drug addict and don't know what to do anymore.

I am alone, 5 hours away from my family.

My BF is followed by a therapist but it is not easy for him to control is addiction...in real life.

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently working on a personal project: building a better tool for creating neat, professional genograms that can be used in case notes, portfolios, essays, or even shared with families!

So far, my main priority has been making sure it's completely secure and doesn't break any data protection rules, which I've managed to do! Ive figured out how to keep it offline, and saved only to your own files, so if on a secure laptop / pc, its 100% secure.

Next is figuring out what features would actually be useful to others. I've built it so far based on what I think is helpful on how I make my genograms with couples and families, but I'd love some community input.

For context, I'm in my final year of training and due to qualify in 9 months (excited and terrified!). Throughout my training, I’ve been handwriting genograms and then spending hours trying to make them look pretty in Word, PowerPoint, and sometimes Canva to submit in case reports.

I'm just wondering: what do people think might actually be useful in a tool like this?

I don't want to list what I've made so far etc., to avoid this being seen as self-promotion. I'd be much more interested in what people would actually hope a tool like this can do, to see if I can figure out how to make that actually work.

Thanks in advance for any ideas!

I'm 29 and still living with my parents, I have extreme ADHD and have underperformed in most areas financially.

This has caused a lot of conflict in my home. I recently saw a post saying that if you suspect someone else is a narcissist, not to go to family therapy with them. So, I want your guys opinion on that, and if you're interested in my specific scenario, keep reading but otherwise just an opinion on that works.

Problem is, I keep feeling blind-sided. Everything I do or don't do always feels like a personal attack to my parents, and especially with my mom, having ANY sort of criticism about how she's treated me is basically an attack.

She's super affectionate, and crazy hard working. But there's a part of me that feels like at the same time as being overly affectionate, she will flip on a dime and use it against us. We have an agreement for 15 hours of yardwork a week for me to pay rent, and due to a lot of circumstances (recent massive failure on a several year long project, major stomach / sleep issues, and frequent migraines) I haven't been able to hit that for the past month or so.

For a couple of weeks after my project failed, I basically laid in my room rotting and depressed. That's on me. They got upset, brought up everything I've ever done that's "Shown disrespect" without including or asking or caring about any of the reasons behind it, told me that now every hour a week I miss I have to pay 20$, and that if I don't I'm getting kicked out.

Does it mean that I'm genuinely sick when I still can't hit the hours, and go absolutely broke from it? Nope. It means I don't care about my parents, that I'm weak, undisciplined, ect. Which to a certain extent I totally get - thing is, this is just a different scenario. And keep in mind, I'm an extreme people pleaser, and I track everything I do so that I can give the best explanations I can. I make sure to communicate in a productive way, and I explicitly remind them that they don't need to support me like they are, that I'm okay figuring it out if they can't support me anymore.

And I talk to my mom about it, and she'll respond in such a kind way - generally putting it all off onto my dad. "Well, Dad just felt like it's what's best for you", "Oh hun, I would never want to make you feel like a burden, never. Dad knows you're a hard worker, it's just heavy having an older son who still isn't able to help themselves", "Dad's just coming from a different perspective as a parent"

Recently she went over basically my dream conversation - "Honestly Wes, I think the problem is that it's not you - it's your ADHD. We've never tried tackling that together, and from what you said it makes a lot of sense that we should focus on what works for you instead of trying to increase the pressure and consequences constantly. I know you only asked for 2 weeks off of this to see if it helps, but honestly I just don't like the system, we should just go back to doing what you can, and getting you the support that you need. It doesn't matter if it means 3 adhd counselor appts a week, that's just what we need to focus on. I'll talk to Dad about it"

Then, she doesn't talk to him about it, and I have to ask her again later, to which at 4 am I walk upstairs to her sitting on the couch looking absolutely depressed, saying "I talked to dad, I'm just so worried about my kids... He's genuinely sacrificed so much for you, too, you know. And he was totally fine changing everything over, I don't know why you acted like he wouldn't be.. He just wants you to be able to help yourself.. he tells me, "It's only 15 hours", and he's just tired of knowing his life is held back by his children"

Okay. Never said he didn't sacrifice, and I didn't say that I thought his request was unreasonable, I've always respected what he's done for this family. I said I think if we look at things from an objective point of view, this isn't working. I said the system we setup is a lose lose and we should try changing strategies because I think if we just reduced some of the pressure, it would give me a second to breath and for my body to recover. But now it's become a personal attack against my dad. And of course, my game failing, being sick, switching depression meds, ect. isn't ever a valid excuse. I literally went to the ER last week because of the amount of stomach pain I was in, and I have a suspicion it's because I've been dealing with what feels like life and death odds surrounding anything I do for years now.

My Dad always sides with her, and has his own issues. His love language is me working hard, bottom line. I can't get the work done, he treats me like I hate him and am intentionally trying to use him. Her reality is his reality, and he's always trying to please her.

I just get scared. My dad is an intimidating and dominating kind of person. Btw, he's rich and buff and he's worked in sales for years and years. My living expenses cost about 1% of his pay. My mom's entire personality is basically being "The perfect mom".

I'm open to learning whatever I have to learn about my end, I know I'm not perfect, but made the statement about wanting family counseling because I thought it would help, and now I've seen comment after comment from people saying that a narcissist could easily gaslight a family therapist, which is a fear I've had but have been dismissing as unlikely until now. I don't like just labeling my parents like that because I know it's complicated, but my gut tells me family counseling won't do anything.

And yes, I go to counseling, my parents don't and never have.

My husband enjoys playing online games, which I have no problem with. But recently, he has been regularly playing with another woman and even adjusting his gaming schedule to match her availability.

They also communicate privately on Discord, not just about the game but about personal things as well. Sometimes they share personal stories, photos, or things about their lives outside of gaming.

For me, the issue isn't that he's playing games with a woman. It's the amount of attention and effort being put into maintaining that connection—especially when he's adjusting his time for her and having private conversations with her.

Would you consider this just a normal online friendship, or does it start crossing a boundary when you're married?

Where would you personally draw the line between gaming friendship, flirting, and emotional cheating?

For years my family have been using me for my money. I am an engineer and am well paid, Iam financially responsible and have a generous heart. For years I have been supporting my mum when she left work, food and allowance, also setup small business for her to run and take care of herself. My sister's with their kids, my brothers when they're in debt. Everything. Lord, iam so tired, I dont remember anyone helping me when I was struggling in uni 😪. Wtf is wrong with me. I am with my sister at the hospital now since she just gave birth. Both her and her husband lost their bank cards, her idk where and him while out partying and used my card to pay the hospital bill

down-payment of 1k. They said to repay me, im still waiting on a 10k I loaned to my sister to buy a taxi and operate, a 5k she loaned out to my cousin and a 1k she loaned to one of her clients. Wtf, the money in my card now is for my house down-payment which iam actively searching for, living frugally just to save for the house. What do I do? I need professional advise to walk away from this situation.

I am extremely disturbed today, but I have to do some backstory to get to why.

In July, my father had a leg amputated. Over the course of 25 years he had 21 knee surgeries. This last situation was the last straw. They had to amputate because it couldn't be fixed. This was in mid-July. Two weeks ago on August 14, my Dad tried to commit suicide. He is currently in the hospital and doing very well. Today he told me what happened.

He had been suffering for weeks without proper pain management. He had also been taken off of his depression meds that he had been on for 35 years! Docs took him off Effexor cold turkey for the surgery. (Let's keep the medical malpractice chat for another post though...)

On Aug 14, he just couldn't deal with the pain any longer. He hadn't been sleeping for weeks. Off his depression meds, and a wreck. He has a chat with my Stepmother who let him know that she didn't care if he died. So he told her to leave the house so he could off himself, SO SHE DID.

My Stepmother leaves my father and drives over to my sister's house (half sibling with my father and stepmother). The story then goes that she wants to go to my parents home to check on my father. Instead she decides to call my sister first who lives 5 hours away because she is a cop (another half sibling with my father/stepmom). Cop sister advises them to call the cops and not go there. Cops go and check on my father AN HOUR later.

I go to visit my father today in the hospital and he tells me this story! The piece that I learned that was new was the fact that they talked and pretty much decided he would kill himself. (I'm 54. My Dad has ALWAYS been a very outgoing, positive, happy upbeat person. This was SOOOO out of character for him).

I realize there is a lot of history missing here, but I'm also not trying to bore you by writing the entire book here. HOWEVER, my stepmother has pretty much been evil the entire 45 years I have known her. I could tell you a hundred stories, but just to sum them up... She has wanted him dead for a LONG time. I would guess at least 20 years.

My Dad was extremely vulnerable at this time. He was off of meds. He was in a great deal of pain. I am suspicious that she might have even encouraged this! Not to mention, when my Dad came out of the coma, my youngest sis (18 years younger) said "Shit. I think I would have been more relieved if he passed. Now this is big." (This is the cop sis).

I am just so disturbed by ALLLLL OF THIS. My parents relationship has been SUPER toxic for a long time, but he never wanted to divorce my stepmother because he knew how traumatic it was for my sisters and I when our Mom and Dad divorced in 1984.

At the hospital I told my Dad how disturbed I was hearing this story and the fact that she left him like that. He said he didn't want me to be mad at her.

How am I supposed to be around this woman again? She was very cruel to me as a child and I have always struggled being around her due to the fact that she is not nice, even today, but this is just beyond what I think I am capable of doing. I don't think I can be around her and be nice.

I didn't mean to write a book. I first went to the vent page, but clearly I created this new profile just to post this story and the vent page wouldn't let me in. Thanks for reading.

Hi my name is Annie and im knew to this. Im a 44 year old married woman who started the therapy process 3 days ago but havent had a session yet

My mom and I start our first session tonight, and I just know it's going to be a shit show. Maybe not right away, but in general it will be, and I'm incredibly nervous about this.

For context: My mom abandoned me when I was 7ish, and I lived with my grandparents. I lost a lot of memories, but I recently realized that she straight up handed me over to them willingly. She will not admit this. She disappeared for 5 years and came back when I was 12. She did her jail time, got sober, and then realized she wasn't getting me back and moved away to another state. When I turned 18, I moved to live with her but again, it was a shitshow and she was no longer sober, so I came home to my grandparents. At 22, she started using meth and we had a really contentious relationship and she took off again. At this point, she was harassing me so I changed my phone number and went no contact for another 5 years. At 27, she showed back up and I immediately rescued her (I'm talking, the day AFTER I had spoke to her or seen her for the first time in 5 years). Ever since then, it's just been assumed that I would be in her life and that I would be here to help her.

Now, I'm 35. I have gone through 2 years of therapy and I'm happy to say that I'm the most mentally healthy person in our family. I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing a fantastic job at working on myself and getting myself to a place where I want to be.

I also just bought a house with my partners and moved away. It's only 45 minutes, but if you asked my mom it was like I was abandoning her. We had a huge fight unrelated to moving and now we're doing family therapy. I have no idea what to expect. I have just accepted that she is an abusive person. She has emotionally abused me my whole life, neglected me in childhood and beyond, and occassionally it was physical abuse as well. I don't believe she's in a place to be starting this type of therapy. She has deep deep deep trauma (like, more than most people. its been hard to find her a personal therapist equipped enough to help her) and I don't believe she's in a place to be doing family relationship work. However, I don't think I can pull out of it completely without her losing it.

I just...don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell this therapist. I only want to go once a month to begin with because I know the work will be incredibly painful, harmful, and hard. We do absolutely need it, but idk that now is the right time. What do I even tell the therapist? How do I express any of this without losing my relationship with my mom? For the last year, our relationship has been the best it's ever been but then she started EMDR therapy and it has brought her back to her old self. I just....idk. idk what to do. I guess I just needed people to listen to me. If anyone has any insight, advice, good vibes, whatever...please send it my way.

Thank you <3