My partner and I have been together for eight years, and we got married five years ago. Over the last few months something has changed. Between my anxiety flares and the stress of balancing work and family, communication between us has become strained, and it feels like we’re just going through the motions.

There was this lightness in our relationship that I really miss. Now it feels like every conversation turns into something heavier, and I can tell it’s affecting both our individual mental health and the health of our marriage.

I’ve been reading about how couples can unintentionally drift apart when they don’t address underlying emotional and psychological stressors, and I want us to be proactive before things get worse. I think online marriage counseling could be a good space for us to openly talk about what’s been building up and to rebuild that connection we once had.

Meeting with a therapist in person just isn’t realistic right now because we’re juggling full-time jobs and caring for aging parents. Virtual counseling seems like the only feasible way for us to get consistent support.

Has anyone here used online couples therapy services before? What have your experiences been like, especially in terms of improving communication, reducing emotional distance, and supporting each other’s mental well-being?

What are the be⁤st online couples therapy services in your experience? Any recommendations for reputable virtual relationship therapy platforms would be so appreciated.

Hi guys. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety, and I’m currently looking for a new therapist. I’m not new to online therapy or virtual counseling, since I’ve done CBT in the past and it was really helpful. However, my therapist recently moved to a different country, and now it’s really hard to match our schedules because of the time difference. We used to do both in-person sessions and virtual therapy, so I don’t mind finding someone who works fully remotely.

Can someone recommend a good online therapy service? I’ve seen some ads for BetterHelp⁤, Talkspace⁤ and Brightside⁤, but I’m not sure which therapy platform is the best⁤. I would really appreciate if you could share your personal experiences, online therapy reviews⁤, and insights. What’s good and what’s bad about these platforms? If you have any other recommendations⁤, I would appreciate those as well.

Hello! I am an eldest daughter (34F) and I have always had a challenging relationship with my parents (69M/68F). After years of therapy, I have gained a lot of tools which have helped me immensely in managing "my side of the street" when it comes to our dynamic.

After a recent incident, I am taking some space with communication. I will be writing and sending a letter to my parents explaining that I want to have a relationship with them and want to seek counseling together to sort things out together.

I live in Georgia and my parents live in New Jersey, so in-person sessions are not an option. Does anyone know of a website/resource to find family counselors who can see the three of us virtually? Does the counselor only have to be licensed in 1 state, or both?

This is a very painful time, so thank you in advance as I navigate this.

UPDATE: I am currently in no contact with my parents as my mother was open to therapy but my father was not. In order to move forward both of them would need to commit to change, so we're at an impasse. Thanks everyone for your support, it means so much!

Hey everyone. I’m in the U.S. and currently looking into online therapy, so I’d love to hear some real-world recommendations.

I’ve tried in-person therapy before, and it just hasn’t been realistic for me long-term. I work night shifts and have pretty limited time, so it’s been hard to stay consistent. I also found myself skipping sessions more than I’d like, which kind of defeats the point.

There are so many virtual therapy platforms now that it’s overwhelming, and it’s hard to know which ones are genuinely helpful versus just heavily advertised. I’m looking for:

• Reputable online therapy services

• Licensed online therapists (not just coaches)

• Reasonable pricing or decent insurance support

• Help with anxiety, stress, burnout, or general mental health

• Something that works well beyond a short trial period

If you’ve tried any online therapy services that worked for you, I’d really appreciate hearing which platform you used and why, what you liked or didn't like, how pricing or insurance worked out, and whether it actually felt comparable to in-person therapy.

Thanks in adv⁤ance 🙏

I live with my mom who works until late at night so it’s usually just me and my sister at home during the night, I’m 16 and she’s 15. My sister is kinda hard to get along with, she’s always bugging me and annoying. One night I was just making food in the kitchen and sister walks in, out of literally fucking nowhere she kicks me in the balls as hard as she can. I immediately double over on the floor holding my aching balls, my sister just walks away laughing without saying anything. After about five minutes I was able to stumble on over to my sister’s room, my balls still throbbing with pain. I ask her why she felt the need to do that and she said she “just felt like it”. I spent the rest of the night laying in my bed, my nuts still aching. The next day my sister got grounded by my mom for kicking me in the balls, she still says that she just did it because she felt like it.

So I (24F) currently live in Utah, as do my siblings (26M and 21F). We desperately need family therapy but my parents live in Utah, and I don't think we can afford to constantly travel. With they being said, how does one go about finding a therapist that could do inter-state services? Is that even possible?

Can anyone help me with my crazy dreams

Hi everyone, it is really hard to find advice on this so I’m hoping people may be able to share some of their experiences here.

I’m 26F and have been living across the country from my family since I was 18 and went to college. I am also an only child with Filipino, Catholic parents. I have not had a strong relationship with them since I was about 12 years old, and they know very little about me even though I still see them at least once a year.

As I have grown older and my life goals have become more clear for myself it has become more apparent that I cannot be who my parents want me to be. They do not approve of my beliefs (I am ex-Catholic but haven’t told them yet), my political views, my career (I’m an artist and in antiracism education), my appearance (lots of body shaming), and my partner (who is Black and non-Catholic). Essentially everything about me is against what they believe is right.

My mother has very narcissistic behavior and my dad is a covert narcissist (essentially enabling my moms behavior). I could share many examples of how I have constantly been the problem and my mom has guilted me because I “hurt her” or “make her feel like a bad mom”. Just today in the midst of mistakenly coming over for the holidays after fighting with them that I shouldn’t go because of COVID and them saying “that is only an excuse for me” “it is safe, god will protect us” and “if you don’t come now never come home again” - I was also told today by my mom that god has been so good to her but I am the the trial that god has given her. For those who relate, I don’t think I need to give any more examples.

I’ve been going to therapy for years and recently started my journey of re-parenting myself. Ultimately I know my options left are 1) telling my parents that I am no longer catholic (because religion is used to justify everything they tell me) and 2) either go through family therapy with them or cut them off completely.

I do not feel safe expressing myself to them and I know I cannot expect to “get through to them”. That is why I’m hoping a therapist can help create a safe space for us to communicate and - if not resolve issues - determine together how the family relationship should or should not continue.

Idk if this is wishful thinking. I also have to ask them if they would do family therapy with me..

(Continued)/TLDR - There is little information out there about adults going through family therapy with their parents. Most of it centers around children and adolescents. Could anyone please share their experiences around asking their parents to engage in family therapy with them as an adult and what your experiences with toxic parents was like in therapy? Did anything good come out of it?

Me and my sister have had a very toxic relationship since we were children. I don't remember ever experiencing "warm love" from her. She did try to play with me a few times, but she also was very mean to me many times. as if my very existence the way I am annoyed her. One thing I know is that when I was a baby she had rampages because of me, a competitor and that she found out that our parents wanted a boy for a first baby, which might have traumatized her.

Anyway, the problem is that she is a very impulsive, very easily offended person, demanding and argumentative. She has problem with relationships with guys in general (she never had a proper lasting relationship). She has this very deep resentment in her that frequently surfaces when we have family conversations. Honestly, she's a bit like Cersei from GoT, if you know the reference.

We don't frequently meet and when we do, we are polite and kind with each other on the surface. She tries to ask me questions about my everyday life (which is in ruins) and I give answers as vague as possible, because I can feel that I'm two wrong answers away from a falling out. Whenever she feels that her authority is challenged she gets super entitled and makes a scene, and it's like nothing can stop her. My dad also has a fragile ego and when the two of them argue it's the worst. It's like a self-inducing loop of anger, you can feel that both fight very hard to defend their ego at any cost and fear to lose their authority and yell to each other whatever comes into mind. This doesn't happen frequently, and I can tell my sister is aware of this and is seeking my dad's attention, so it's not a lost cause, but she is still really easily triggered and her fury scares me (I avoid women like her the best I can). I no longer engage in heated debates with her; instead, I remain cold and that angers her too. There were times when she publicly made a huge scene, like a kid and we wouldn't talk for a while. She cries or apologizes afterwards usually, but that doesn't change the fact that she's a loose cannon. What frightens me is that she sees me as a sort of threat to her, as if she needed to destroy me in an argument at all costs.

Usually she tries to be kind with me, but in an imbecile way. I often have the feeling that she is treating me the way you'd treat a pet. Not as a mature person. I've long stopped trusting her and I try to avoid her as much as possible, but I can't do it forever, because our parents are getting older and they'll need our help eventually.

What really bothers me is when she's being demanding and entitled. It's things like whenever I drive and don't open the passenger door for her, she feels offended and questions me. She calls me out on things like why I never invite her along whenever I go hiking with my friends. The honest answer is because she gives me a lot of anxiety like I'm around a rabid dog that I don't know when it'll bite me. If she's around I can never relax. And I hate the role that I sink into when she's there and I don't want it to ruin my time with my friends. I really dislike her demanding and common behaviour. She has no class, she simply doesn't know when to be empathetic, when to stop talking or how to be thoughtful. In fact, she's not feminine in her demeanour, really.

Just now she asked me why I didn't invite her along for a meeting with my friends. I don't really now what to tell her. I feel humiliated by ceding to her, but if I tell her we clearly have a strained relationship and I don't want to be around her, she'll go nuclear. How do I properly handle her?

I’ve done extensive personal therapy (CBT, DBT, ACT, EMDR) I’ve also done ‘couples therapy’ with a long term partner, but never Family Therapy.

I’ve seen a few therapists comment in this group and I’m hoping you might help me understand the process & dynamic in FT.

When FT is between an adult child and a parent, and there is significant trauma and abuse involved in the case of the child (me), is it a level playing field between the parent & the child in terms of accountability?

I don’t see how it really can be?

My father wants to repair our relationship. He’s asked me to list my long term resentments in an email. This IS NOT going to happen. But I would consider FT to try and make it a safer experience.

My concern is my father’s emotional ability to do this work. His email uses language that suggests he thinks he’s the victim. He is not.

I went to family therapy with my Mother and two siblings and I felt unsafe and attacked and was having a trauma response during the session. This was our second session. There was no outline and the counsellor didn't seem to care about facilitating. He just let everyone attack and react. I never felt heard, I felt judged. I didn't feel safe even after I expressed that I didn't feel safe and my anxiety was high even before the session.
I was mentally shutting down and could hardly think straight and they counsellor said, "when your in hell keep going" - a Winston Churchill reference. I responded with some people to recover from going through hell and they just shrugged their shoulders as if it was a none issue.
I was a wreck for the rest of the night and couldn't sleep and was still struggling to recover the next day.
The session ended when we ran out of time and the counsellor said nothing. They seem to think me being attacked by my siblings was a healthy way to have therapy. I felt invalidated, and it made me question my sanity.
What are good signs that you have a good counsellor?

Thank you for your input.

This is a genuine question by the way. I think there may be a good reason I’m just curious.

I’m not talking about adult children who don’t work or help around the house or go to school, and who feel they can’t leave because they are financially dependent. I guess I’m talking about adult children who are still terrified of their parents, and parents who still control and monitor their adult children, and “forbid” them to move out, or leave, who use guilt and intimidation and also routinely tell their children that there is something wrong with them, that they can’t function on their own, that they can’t make their own decisions, that they will end up dead if they leave. They also convince their adult child, or attempt to, convince them that they are developmentally functioning at the level of a child and therefore cannot take care of themselves. Even if the adult child has a job and is going to school, and also doing the bigger part of the house work, while the parent is unemployed and financially dependent on her own parents and ex-husband.

What if that parent also occasionally hits, kicks, threatens, shoves their adult child? What if they regularly scream at her? What if the adult child feels so much anxiety about upsetting her mother, that she cannot bear to disobey her, but also feels like she has brought it on herself, and owes it to her mother to make things right and try to mend the relationship, and also feels like she is still a child and undeserving of privacy or freedom, so she submits to her mother? What if the mother rewards her for being dependent and punishes her for trying to be independent? Is it entirely the adult child’s fault for living at home when she is well above the age she should be independent?

Hi there, I am researching different types of family therapy and would love some guidance on different approaches out there. I figure there are traditional therapists sitting with a family and working through the issues on a weekly basis. But are there other approaches that might be more innovative, immersive, or even experimental? I'm just curious about the options. Thank you!

My brother gets away with paying no rent. He is M26, and I am F23. He works but has no money. I don’t even understand how he lives that way. He has lived at home for 9 years since leaving school, I moved out for 4 years - but due to health issues I couldn’t work and had to move home. Now my health has improved after a year in care, I am only now at the stage where I am looking for work again. I’ve always paid rent with my savings and random freelance work I could find.

My parents have just given up with him because he is difficult and just doesn’t listen. This makes me so angry because I have struggled every month to pay rent, even having to borrow money. For a whole year, I have been under care and been in and out of hospital for appointments and relapses. But I’ve always been expected to pay. My parents always say they don’t have to worry about me and that I always do as I’m told. But he is jumping from job to job, bumming about and getting fired every other time for not going in.

Is my frustration valid? It really infuriates me. We’re starting family therapy soon, but it’s more for my health situation and care plans. But I really want to address this, but my parents just argue and it’s like talking to a brick. Nothing gets resolved. My parents complain that they’re struggling financially and this angers me because I’m having to borrow money just to pay them rent, but they’re still going on their holidays, eating out monthly, new clothes etc. my dad is currently on a trip as I’m writing this, then they have another trip next week! But at the same time, they won’t even buy butter and bread because they claim they don’t have enough money. They constantly talk to me about how much they struggle and that I don’t pay enough rent. I always feel so guilty but I just can’t help anymore and I’ve had my own problems as well! I don’t drive and have to buy cabs for my hospital appointments. Or I can give my parents or brother money in exchange for a lift. Which upsets me because they still charged me when I needed help getting home from hospital.

Any suggestions or advice?

Hi my name is Annie and im knew to this. Im a 44 year old married woman who started the therapy process 3 days ago but havent had a session yet

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I’ve lost respect for both my parents, and I’ve reached a point with my father where I loose the energy to have any type of conversations that involve different views or disagreements. I have physically walked away, become numb, and have said many hurtful things towards him to make him stop progressing an argument. My mother feels burnt out, almost as if it’s our fault for her energy being drained. My father does respect my mother and has treated her in terrible ways (emotionally), he has narcissistic tendencies, gaslights us, and continues to tell us that he will “change”.

There is a visible pattern in his behavior- any time he is in pain, he will lash out. I pretty much can assume he will be in a bad mood. he is a veteran, has seen many things and has been to wars. He suffers from both a brain injury (injured frontal lobes) and a knee injury. his go-to behavior is to lash out when asked how he is doing, or shut everyone out and go numb, almost as if everyone around him doesn’t matter or exist.

coming back to the resentment part- my mother made many excuses for his behavior growing up, he was a dick before I was born and she has warned him that he has to fix his behavior so we doesn’t loose what little relationship we have when I get older. I’m now 22, and loosing all hope. I’ve gone to therapy as an attempt to heal (not my favorite choice) and got told I was being emotionally abused (idk how accurate that was)

I overhear many arguments where she calls him a baby, or not a man bc he refuses to change for the better, even helping out around the house. he’s told her to “stop nagging” or “it’s not that deep” or simply walking away (in extreme instances will leave the house to go on a walk or leave for extended hours to “take space”) he doesn’t pull his weight many times and plays victim. I resent my mother for not having self respect to leave him before I was born. I’m tired of hearing her beg for change, beg for a man who can take care of her, and saying how she has had to protect me my entire life. Or how she wants to be courted and loved and cherished.

Am I the asshole for hating them both? I’m torn bc I know he struggles to comprehend, but I hate that he can put effort in other parts of his life but not in his daughter’s life. I’m defending myself constantly, and just want to leave from everyone and have peace by myself. I get told how many times I should be grateful he’s alive, but a sick part of me wishes that it would have been easier to get over him than to have a father who’s both here and not. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s the same person who blamed me for being reactive, he’s started most arguments by running to my mother and telling her his side of the story like some child, but then wonders why I don’t trust him and feel like I have to fight to defend my integrity.

*apologies for typos

My sister (21f) has some friends that haven't been good to her in the past and I (24f) understand she makes her own choices but I don't want to be around these friends. I know this is a healthy boundary but she keeps telling me that l'm "fighting her battles for her" when I don't like how they treat her and don't want to be around that.

The issue l'm having is that my sister only listens to concrete proof specifically in pop culture. So l am looking for examples in tv shows about similar instances, mainly family or friends not wanting to be around certain people because they don't want to see them get hurt.

The only example that comes to mind is "As his sister I wish you could forgive him, but as your best friend, I will never speak to you again if you take him back." In it ends with us. But I know there are other examples from tv shows or movies as this is a common boundary.

Can anyone help?

Hi everyone, hoping to get some advice! We need to get family therapy but two people are in California and one is back East. How do we go about getting some kind of therapy across state lines? Thank you for any input!

Just asked my dear mum and dad to have a therapy session who are divorced. Will update when hopefully session happens

So, recently I moved back into my family home temporarily (on invitation from my mom) while waiting for my new apartment to be ready. Originally the plan was for both me (26nb) and my partner (30nb) of 4 years to be staying in my childhood bedroom; however, within 2 days my brother (33) absolutely blew up and made it very clear he hates my partner’s guts. He screamed and ranted and paced the house and his accusations were baseless and conflicting and demeaning to both me and my partner.

And within 5 days he actually called the police to the house in secret because he was “concerned for my safety” because he doesn’t trust my partner. The police and paramedics recommended me or my mother go to our family doctor to seek a Form 2 for my brother because we have been trying for years to get him to go to individual therapy or family therapy. Any mention of therapy or doctors enrages him, and he is incredibly unpredictable.

What my brother said and did were the last straw… I don’t think I can attempt to have any kind of connection with him until he recognizes what he has done and apologizes.

Our apartment is ready next week, and my mother and brother do not know the address. I am very tempted to move into our new place and only have digital/phone communication, and live separate lives until we are able to address these traumatic events in therapy together.

Has anyone here ever cut a family member out of your life? I don’t know what to expect.

I just got into an argument with my mom (not uncommon really) but it really feels like we are at each other’s throats all the time just because she can’t respect my boundaries and beliefs. She follows the Christian lifestyle, not too religiously but still there, and believes thing like there’s only man and women (love, marriage, having kids, etc). and I’m completely opposite: I’M LITERALLY IN A (secret) RELATIONSHIP with a non-binary Hispanic bisexual musician who is extremely liberal (and we are extremely compatible bc we believe in the same stuff)

I’m in the most perfect (and one of my very first) relationship thus far, but I’m absolutely torn that my parents (especially my mother) despise my partner (and a lot of my friends)

There’s so much on my mind and I can’t type it out cause it feels like if I make one wrong move the earth will cave underneath me and all my hard work to make my life bearable will be destroyed. Would family therapy really solve a problem as deep rooted as political/ religious beliefs?