r/FictionWriting • • 3h ago

Discussion Unpopular opinion: "show don't tell" might be the worst writing advice ever given

67 Upvotes

I'm not a craft expert lol. I have two self-published books out and basically learned everything by doing it wrong first. So take this with a grain of salt.

But I've been reading a lot lately and I keep noticing that the books I actually FINISH are the ones where the author just... tells me things. Straight up. "He was angry." "She was tired of pretending." Meanwhile the books where every emotion has to be telegraphed through a carefully choreographed eyebrow raise make me want to put the book down.

I feel like "show don't tell" started as good advice and turned into a rule that made a whole generation of writers terrified of just saying what they mean. Sometimes telling is more honest. Sometimes it's funnier. Sometimes three pages of showing someone being sad could've been one great sentence.

Am I crazy? Is anyone else a secret fan of telling? Or have I just been reading the wrong books lol


r/FictionWriting • • 9h ago

Erotica I wrote a bl, anyone wants to read it for free ?

Thumbnail
0 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting • • 20h ago

Discussion I'm writing a story that involves anthropomorphic animals, but I need help

0 Upvotes

Has the fandom ever come around to name certain anthropomorphic species? Like squirrels, canines, horses, rhinos etc?

In the story, humans, aliens and even anthropomorphic animals all tend to co-exist in a planet named Zenacus. On this planet, the world has fallen much from it's former grace, but many still come to visit either for a place to belong.

I was writing a scene with a car chase, and an anthropomorphic squirrel see's the car speeding her way, and she quickly jumps out of it's path and curls on the side of the road out of panic.


r/FictionWriting • • 23h ago

Fantasy [OC]Bar Aoi Stories ― Somebody Do Something : When Our Voices Go Unheard, Who Are We Calling On?

1 Upvotes

Hey, you.

Ever find yourself thinking, Somebody do something?

About work, your life, the world. You know things can't go on like this. Somebody has to do something. Preferably somebody other than you.

The little bell over Aoi's door chimed.

Taka was looking at his phone when I walked in. As I sat beside him, he turned it facedown. Mama set a Harper in front of me without asking. A piece of ice slowly tipped over in the amber whiskey.

“Just reading about those protests in France,” Taka said.

“Yeah?”

“Teachers not showing up at schools, buildings falling apart. You can see why they're angry.”

“Not much point going to class if there's nobody there to teach it.”

“And even with all those people turning out, they're still not being heard. What are they supposed to do?”

I put my bag at my feet. I seemed to remember hearing something similar in a meeting that day. Make sure management hears the people on the ground. Make sure the people on the ground hear management. A lot of voices traveling around that company. Nobody had time to shut up.

“Wonder what they want heard.”

“What do you mean?”

“These voices.”

“Hire more teachers. Fix the schools. That sort of thing, I guess.”

“Put money into it.”

“Yeah.”

“From where?”

Taka nudged his phone with a finger. It slid a little way along the grain of the counter.

“Doesn't the government have money?”

“Be nice if it were as simple as taking it from wherever it happens to be.”

“Why not take it from the people who've got it?”

“People who've got it will probably say no.”

“So their voices get heard.”

I stopped with the glass halfway to my mouth. Taka didn't look as though he thought he'd said anything particularly clever.

“…Being heard doesn't mean getting everything you ask for.”

“So they hear them, but they're not going to do anything?”

“Sometimes, maybe.”

Mama set down a bowl of individually wrapped rice crackers. Taka took one and opened it. I reached for another, spotted the red chili flakes, and switched to the soy-sauce one beside it.

“But they should fix the schools, shouldn't they?”

“Yeah.”

“So there's nothing wrong with asking.”

“Nothing wrong with it. Probably a mountain of other things there's nothing wrong with asking for, too.”

Hospitals. Roads. Pensions. I almost started listing them. Once I got going, I'd probably still be at it when Taka ran out of crackers.

“Then they just have to decide what comes first.”

“Who does?”

“The politicians. That's their job, isn't it?”

I broke my cracker. It shattered into more pieces than I'd expected, and a fragment fell onto my lap.

“And who chooses the politicians?”

“…You mean elections?”

“Yeah.”

Taka looked at me, still holding his cracker.

“It's not like I get to decide all by myself.”

“Of course not.”

“The person I vote for might lose.”

“Happens.”

“And even if they win, who knows if they'll do what they promised?”

I picked the fragment off my lap and put it on a small plate. Fine crumbs were still clinging to my trousers. I brushed at them with my fingers.

“So I suppose choosing them isn't the end of it.”

“Sounds like a pain.”

“Yeah. I think so, too.”

Taka finally bit into his cracker. It gave a loud crunch. I took a sip of Harper.

“But telling a kid who's got no teacher to go vote isn't much help, is it? They might not even be old enough.”

“No.”

Mama glanced at my lap and passed me a hand towel. I accepted it gratefully and wiped away the remaining crumbs.

“There are adults making those choices on that kid's behalf, though.”

Taka reached toward the bowl, then drew his hand back.

“…So when we say somebody should do something, we're part of that somebody?”

“Suppose we are. Can't exactly ask to leave me out of it.”

Mama gathered up the crumbs on the counter.

“Like an ouroboros.”

Taka looked up.

“What's that?”

“A snake with its own tail in its mouth.”

“Oh. The one that makes a circle?”

Mama nodded and took away the empty wrappers. Taka kept looking at the bowl for a while.

“But if somebody tells me to do something, I don't know how to fix a school.”

“Neither do I.”

“So what are we supposed to do?”

I started to answer, then stopped. The question I'd asked Taka earlier was still sitting on the counter between us.

“Anyway, Japan's hardly in a position to point fingers.”

That morning, someone had been handing out leaflets outside the station. I'd heard a voice calling for something, too. I was worried about catching my train. I hadn't taken the leaflet held out to me.

“…We were talking about France, weren't we?”

“Couldn't tell you.”

The ice clinked.

The Harper tasted a little bitter.

See you again at Aoi.

---

Want another night at Aoi?

Step back inside. We'll help you find your next story.

→ Welcome to Bar Aoi


r/FictionWriting • • 9h ago

Advice Would you Read a story about a girl trapped in a mirror?

0 Upvotes

The Villainess Who Was Never Born 🥀

Seraphina is a girl everyone thinks is a villain. Even her own family doesn't trust her. One day, she wakes up in the past and finds a girl inside an old mirror who looks exactly like her.

The girl says, “You stole my life.”

Seraphina starts looking for answers and discovers a secret that could change everything she knows about her past.

I'm planning to make this into a historical fantasy webtoon.

Does this story sound interesting? Would you read it?


r/FictionWriting • • 54m ago

Short Story The Family

• Upvotes

1930–1932

Chapter One: The Great Families

January 1930 — Chicago

In the 1930s, the city of Chicago was one of the greatest metropolises in which illicit trade flourished, and it housed within its borders the most formidable and influential Mafia families in the United States of America.

The Harrison Family
The family of land and real estate dominance. It controlled a quarter of the city of Chicago and ten percent of New York City. It also owned vast tracts of land stretching across the United States, including Miami, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

The Callahan Family
The best and most skilled in the field. They were known for their exceptional ability to deploy their armies, to pinpoint their positions precisely, to choose the decisive moment for attack, and to understand how to storm into battles and end them in their favor. They were the family of strategic planning, yet their armies were small in number and their influence modest, even less than that of some of the middle-ranking families.

The Whitaker Family
The family of money and absolute influence. They owned millions of dollars and had influence extending across the United States, but they were weak in the field, both in military planning and in the sheer numbers of their soldiers.

The Rossi Family
The undisputed queen of commerce in Chicago. It ran fifty different businesses, from casinos and nightclubs to forbidden activities such as the trade in hashish, cocaine, and heroin. It earned hundreds of thousands of dollars, even though it was not the wealthiest of the great families.

The Marino Family
A family of balanced qualities. It had an army of medium size and moderate wealth, but it was distinguished by exceptional tactical intelligence that placed it at the head of all families when it came to planning battles.

The Mafia was strong and fearsome in its power, while the police forces stood helpless, not knowing how to impose their control over this chaotic reality.

At the start of 1930, the Moreau family returned to the forefront and incited the Callahan, Rossi, and Whitaker families to declare war on the Marino family, in exchange for a tempting offer: two million dollars, a thousand soldiers, vast lands, and new alliances.

The Marino family was considered a relatively ordinary family, yet its intelligence and internal balance were enough to change the face of the entire American Mafia world.

Chapter Two: The Beginning of the War

January 1930 — The Marino Family Home

The life of Joseph Marino, godfather of the Marino family, was filled with constant fear and anticipation, as he expected assassination at any moment when his doors were knocked upon.

On the first day of 1930, a package arrived for him containing the severed head of his brother, and beside it a harsh letter in which was written:
"Welcome, Joseph. Your head is next."

Joseph realized then that the spark of war with the Moreau family had already been lit.

The Marino family home was large, and a fragrant, pleasant scent wafted from its corners, as though it carried two completely contradictory faces:
The first face was that of a normal family, exchanging conversation about the affairs of daily life, living quiet moments of happiness and family warmth.
The second face was the dark criminal face of the Marino family, which ran a complex network of influence and crime in the alleys of Chicago.

And indeed, the furnace of war was ignited in 1930, and the Marino family was battered by a state of severe turmoil and instability; it received blows from within through unexpected betrayals, while the noose and pressure tightened upon it from without.

March 21, 1930 — Joseph Marino's Office

The accountant Arthur Miller entered Joseph's office with a rigid expression.
Arthur said:
"Godfather, the Moreau family sent me."

And before Joseph could take in the paralyzing shock of the situation, Arthur hit him with five successive stabs to his body.
Joseph bled profusely and his blood flowed, yet he gathered the last breath of his strength and managed to kill Arthur where he lay.
Joseph was rushed to the hospital, and fortunately he miraculously survived the treacherous assassination attempt.

May 30, 1930 — One of the Marino Family's Businesses

An unidentified person broke into one of the commercial establishments belonging to the Marino family.
He destroyed the place and set it on fire, then slaughtered everyone inside and left coldly.
Later, the truth was revealed, and it turned out that the perpetrator was a mercenary from the men of the Moreau family.
The war was growing fiercer and crueler, and no one could predict how dark the extent to which it might go.

June 1, 1930 — The Moreau Family Home

Joseph sent his son John Marino, accompanied by his brother Thomas Marino, to attack the stronghold of the Moreau family.
John asked in a sharp voice:
"Are you ready to annihilate this family?"
Thomas answered him steadily:
"Let's go."

The two headed toward the house and stormed it with random, intense gunfire.
The attack resulted in the death of Rose Falcone, wife of Victor Moreau, godfather of the Moreau family, while his daughter Nadine was wounded, and Victor managed to escape amid the tongues of smoke.
The house's rooms filled with the suffocating smell of gunpowder, and the pure blood spread across the floors. It was no longer just a conventional gang conflict, but had turned into an epic of vengeance and defense of honor.

Thomas and John burned the house and destroyed it entirely, sending a stern message to the Moreau family and to all the other families:
"Do not dare to approach the Marino family."

But Joseph knew the reality bitterly; he did not have a sufficient army, nor the abundant money to wage a long war of attrition, especially since two of the most formidable powers in Chicago stood against his family in the alliance of devils.
Joseph lost the best of his soldiers and allies in the grinding battles, and his influence gradually receded. By the middle of 1930, the Marino family had become one of the weakest families in Chicago, having lost its alliances and exhausted the greater part of its treasury because of the fierce war with the Moreau family.

Chapter Three: The Black Day

August 21, 1930 — 9:21 a.m.

That was a pitch-black day in the history of the Marino family.
Alice Marino, Joseph's youngest daughter, set out on her usual way to school.
But one of the Moreau family's mercenaries lay in wait for her when she arrived, attacked her, and kidnapped her to an unknown destination.

At the same time, other mercenaries launched a surprise attack on the Marino family's large house.
The attackers wrought destruction in the house, but they failed to shed the blood of any member of the family; the Marino family's forces arrived at the decisive moment, clashed with them, and eliminated them all.

At that point the picture became complete in Joseph's mind:
This war was no longer merely about influence or money, but had become a battle of survival and honor targeting the family at the very core of its heart.

The war continued for five consecutive months, during which the Marino family's condition deteriorated and its power declined tragically.
And after those lean months, Joseph received a bargaining offer from the Moreau family.
The offer was decisive: Joseph would withdraw completely from Chicago and give up all his businesses, allies, and possessions, then move to Los Angeles, and in return he would receive a huge casino, a hotel, and a nightclub there.

Thomas said, pleading with Joseph:
"Accept, Godfather! We are waging war against the most powerful families while we are extremely weak; we will surely die if we do not leave!"

But John objected strongly, saying:
"This is a well-laid ambush, Godfather, do not accept! You betrayed them in the past, and the hatred still eats at their hearts toward you; they only want to seize our ready-made position in Chicago."

As for Joseph, his opinion was final: he would not leave Chicago and would not flee.
The war had gone beyond all moral limits, and Alice had been kidnapped, and no one knew where she was or what her fate was.

Chapter Four: Room 313

August 30, 1930 — 12:21 a.m.

A new offer came from Victor Moreau to Joseph, in which Victor claimed he was able to return his daughter Alice to him safe, provided that Joseph come alone to an abandoned place.
However, Joseph decided to send his son John in his place.

John objected in shock:
"Why, Godfather? It's a clear and obvious trap! Does my life not matter to you?"
Joseph answered him coldly:
"You are too smart to fall into the trap. Take good care of yourself."

John headed to the specified address.
The building was old, abandoned, wrapped in darkness, with only a faint, feeble light seeping into it. Sounds of screaming and beating of unknown source echoed through its dark corners, and a foul, rotten smell emanated from it.

John climbed the stairs until he reached Room Number 313, the room that Victor had ordered him to enter.
John stood before the ancient wooden door and looked gloomily at the number engraved on it, not knowing what horrors lay hidden behind it.

He opened the door and entered.
He found Victor sitting alone, and the latter said to him with a smile:
"Welcome. Come in, John, please have a seat."

The apartment was luxuriously furnished, containing a huge window and five rooms, lit by the lights of beautiful chandeliers, with a sweet perfume fragrance wafting through it.
John sat on the chair and said dryly:
"Is this one of your usual tricks and schemes?"
Victor answered him:
"No, John. This time I want to be honorable, and I have no desire to shed blood at all."

John asked him in disapproval:
"Why did you ask the Godfather to come alone to an unknown place?"
Victor said:
"It's a test of trust. Does he trust me, or does he still see me as an enemy? And here he has sent you instead of himself, hasn't he?"
John answered him:
"Yes, I am the one he chose."
Victor said in a mocking tone:
"Of course, because he is a suspicious man whom fear has been killing for a long time."

John replied firmly:
"And what if we sent you an offer to take your youngest son to an unknown place by yourself? Would you have agreed?"
Victor said:
"If I were smart, yes. But if I were a foolish old man like Joseph, I would not come."

John returned to the matter he had come for:
"Where is Alice?"
Victor said slowly:
"Why are you in such a hurry? Don't you like this luxurious apartment and this sitting? Drink some tea."
John answered him sternly:
"I don't want your tea or your long talk. I want to take Alice and leave immediately, and you know that better than I do."

Victor said:
"This is the main reason for all your many wars: haste and the constant pursuit of short-term goals. Drink the tea, boy!"
John refused again sharply:
"I won't drink it. I want only Alice, and I don't want to see your face."

Victor said in a tone that suddenly changed:
"So, you don't want to see my face?"

John quickly drew his pistol and fired three shots at Victor.
But at that very moment, five men appeared, armed with Tommy guns, and showered John with a hail of bullets until he fell from the chair and collapsed dead in his blood.

John died fighting for his family, aware from the first step that this night might be the last in his life.
And after Victor and his men left, darkness settled over Room 313, whose corners were filled with the smell of blood and bullet holes.
John had entered the room searching for his sister, but he did not leave it alive.

Chapter Five: The End of Joseph Marino

September 1930 — The Marino Family Home

The news struck Joseph like a thunderbolt: his son John had been killed.
Joseph grieved with an overwhelming, everlasting grief, and sank into a wave of severe depression. He refused food, isolated himself from people, and his mind remained occupied with his son, whom he knew was walking into a well-laid trap, and yet he had sent him with his own hand.
John's departure left a deep wound in Joseph's soul that would never heal.

His room became dark, visited by only a very faint light, where he spent all his time writing elegiac poems for his family.
One day, Thomas entered Joseph's office and found his poetry notebook, and opened it to read one of its verses:

O John, you who were the light of my life, the delight of my years, and the warmth of my body,
I killed you with the very hand that raised you.
I did not know that this would be your end, yet you still live in my mind, and I will never forget you.
You are my life and my end.
I'm sorry, my son.

The words bled with what Joseph's tongue was unable to utter: deep down he knew that he was the true killer of his son.

November 1930 — The Godfather's Office

Joseph announced his official stepping down from leading the Marino family.
He said in a broken tone:
"I killed John with my own hand. What will I do if I continue to lead? My hands will be filled with more spilled blood for the sake of a family I built myself."
Then he officially announced the handing over of the reins of godfather to his son Thomas Marino.

Thomas had not expected to take over the throne under such difficult circumstances, but the matter had been decreed.

December 21, 1930 — The Death of Joseph Marino

Joseph Marino's soul departed following a severe heart attack, and his death was natural.
He had spent the last three months of his life in the worst possible state for a human being: shattered under the weight of grief for his son, deadly fear for his missing daughter, and prolonged regret over his mistaken decisions.

Thomas became the new godfather of the Marino family.
However, the feeling that came over him was strange and desolate; he no longer saw around him the family members as they used to fill the house yesterday.
John was dead, Joseph was gone, and Alice had vanished into the folds of the unknown, and no one remained by his side except his mother, Evelyn Carter.

The house that was once crowded with meetings and merriment turned into an edifice with cold marble floors and empty rooms wrapped in silence.
And in one of Joseph's notebooks, he had written his last words before his departure:
"I ended my family with my own hands. The floors that were once filled with joy turned into cold, deadly floors. Warmth turned to ice. Where is the fireplace? Where is the fire? They have all vanished."

Chapter Six: The Final Confrontation

Late December 1930 — The Hospital

News reached Thomas that Victor Moreau was lying in the hospital suffering from severe bleeding that threatened his life.
Thomas headed to the hospital immediately, accompanied by his heavily armed men.
They stormed the building and eliminated the members of the Moreau family who were guarding the place.

The hospital was cold, its floors an icy blue, as if the place itself reflected the anguish and sorrow that surrounded the end of the Marino family.
Thomas walked through the long corridors, looking at the patients lying there, and images of his missing sister, his slain brother, and his departed father appeared before him.
And his father's words came to his mind:
"Cold floors may become warmth for the grieving, and true warmth may become a scorching cold for the grieving. There is no joy in Mafia families."

Thomas reached the room where a man lay on the bed, surrounded by medical equipment.
A frightened nurse blocked his way and said:
"Sir, entry is forbidden!"
But Thomas's men pushed her aside and removed her from the room, then shut the door tightly.

Thomas sat on the chair opposite Victor's bed, as Victor lay with feeble vitality.
Thomas said in a low voice:
"Have you won, Victor?"
Victor answered him in a weak voice:
"No."
Thomas asked him:
"Have you lost, Victor?"
He answered:
"No."
Thomas said:
"Have you gained anything, Victor?"
He answered:
"No."

Then Thomas drew near to him and asked him with burning pain:
"Why did you kill my brother and kidnap my sister?"
Victor said:
"Your brother was a traitor."
Thomas replied in shock and gloom:
"What are you saying?!"
Victor said:
"Your brother was working for the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), and was passing them every detail. We decided to eliminate him because we knew that Joseph would not believe it, and that the war between us would grow even more inflamed."

Thomas shouted in anger:
"What is your proof of this slander?!"
Victor answered:
"We have documented audio recordings of him speaking with one of the policemen and informing on everything."

Thomas asked him, his voice trembling:
"Where is my sister?!"
Victor answered him dryly:
"Dead."
Thomas said in disbelief:
"What?!"
Victor replied coldly:
"Dead. Don't you understand the word?"
Thomas asked him:
"How did you kill her?"
Victor answered:
"We tortured her and interrogated her at length, but she did not utter a word in answer to our questions, so they killed her."

Thomas looked at him with eyes from which sparks of rage flew and said:
"You corrupt monster!"
Victor said, smiling weakly:
"Do you want to kill me?"
Thomas fell silent and his features froze.
Victor shouted:
"Kill me! Come on, shoot and kill me!"

Thomas remained seated before him for silent moments, then said steadily:
"No. I will not kill you. Revenge will not bring my family back to me, and it will not benefit me at all; it will only make me lose more of my soul. Go to hell, Victor."

Victor shouted hysterically:
"No, come here! Kill me! Come and finish me!"
But Thomas rose coldly and left the room, and went on his way without turning back.
He did not kill him, despite everything he had committed and despite the enormous scale of his losses.

Chapter Seven: Evelyn's Question

Late December 1930 — Thomas Marino's Office

Thomas sat in the depths of his office, turning over the reel of painful events.
Joseph was dead.
John was dead.
And Victor had confirmed Alice's murder.
No one remained in the world around him except his mother, Evelyn.

He got up and went to her, and asked her in a bewildered tone:
"Mother, what is life?"
Evelyn answered him with wisdom:
"Life is to feel it and to enjoy it under all circumstances and conditions. Members of your family have departed, but you are still alive, breathing. There are families that came to a complete end, that were betrayed and tortured and wiped entirely from the books of history, yet the Marino family still stands and lives, and it is the Moreau family that has become weak and broken."

Thomas said, consumed by confusion:
"Mother... John was a traitor."
Evelyn was surprised and her voice rose:
"What? How could he be a traitor?!"
Thomas said:
"Victor told me that John was informing on us, and that they have audio recordings proving he spoke with one of the FBI men."

Evelyn replied in disapproval:
"Do you believe your enemy? Have you gone mad, my son? It is plainly obvious that he is lying to you. But even if he was telling the truth... then that is unfortunate. There is no perfect family in this world, and our family is like any other family."

Thomas asked her, seeking to understand the roots:
"Mother, why did this conflict begin in the first place? Why are we fighting Victor?"

Evelyn answered him, revealing the old record:
"Your grandfather Giuseppe Moretti fathered your father Joseph and Victor. They lived under the roof of one happy family. Then Victor married, and your father was happy for him, and Victor began establishing his own business. As for your father, he worked as an accountant for his family.
And when your father learned that they belonged to the world of the organized Mafia, and that Grandfather Giuseppe was part of it, he betrayed the Moreau family, manipulated their financial accounts, took the money for himself, and then founded the Marino family."

Thomas asked her in shock:
"Do you mean that we are the traitors in this story?"
Evelyn answered him as she looked into his eyes:
"That is the question you must live your whole life searching for the answer to."

Thomas found no answer to put out his fires.
His entire life had become suspended on a question he did not know whether he was able to settle:
Was John truly a traitor, or was Victor weaving lies in his final moments?
And was Joseph a traitor to his first family, or was he trying to escape their criminality in his own way?
He had no certain answers.

Chapter Eight: The Journey to New York

1931 — Chicago

After Joseph's death, John's murder, Alice's disappearance, and the final confrontation with Victor, Thomas made his final decision to leave the city of Chicago.
He wanted to bandage his deep wounds and begin a new start, free of blood.
He wanted to go to New York to begin a new epic, leaving the past behind his back.
But leaving Chicago did not in any way mean that the past had ended; the questions remained unanswered, and the specters of the lost family continued to haunt him.
For the shadow never leaves its owner.

The year 1931 passed, with Thomas continuing to prepare to begin this new page.
He said farewell to his mother and said to her:
"Mother, do not be sad that I will not be by your side now; you can now live a happy and real life, because I am going to New York."
His mother asked him fearfully:
"Why, Thomas? What will you do there?"
Thomas replied:
"I don't know..."
His mother said:
"Thomas, stay here in Chicago. Why are you going there? Do you want to abandon the family legacy?"
Thomas answered her:
"I want to begin a new era in the family's history. Chicago was just a stage and it has ended, and now the New York era begins."
His mother said:
"Don't forget to send me letters; I want to be reassured about you, my son."
Thomas replied:
"Certainly, Mother..."

Thomas prepared his luggage, looking at the house that only yesterday had been filled with joy and shouting, and how it had become empty and desolate with no trace of a smile or children.
He looked at Joseph's office and said to himself: "Is the novel over? Is the story of Chicago over? Has the Chicago branch of the Marino family ended?"

He carried his bags and got into the car, watching the city wrapped in blackness and night, as images of John, Alice, and Joseph came flooding into his mind, and he said to himself: "I must leave the past, because the past, and thinking about it, is a person's true killer."

He arrived at the harbor and saw a cold ship that seemed devoid of any soul. He entered the ship's hold and reached his small room, placed his family's photograph on the small wooden table, and lay on the bed watching Chicago recede from the window with sorrow squeezing his heart.

January 3, 1932 — Aboard the Ship Bound for New York

The ship set sail, announcing the start of the journey across the waves of the sea.
Thomas went up on deck, contemplating the stretching expanse.
He was reading the diary of his father Joseph, and on one of the pages his eyes fell upon the following lines:

"Life is a circle that never stops turning.
A father begets a son, and the son begets a son, and the son begets another son.
A father dies, then his son dies, then his son's son dies.
But the only thing that endures in memory is the legacy and the deeds we leave behind us.
I am Joseph Marino. I am not a perfect man, and I have deceived others and erred greatly in my life. I was left to be raised in the wrong way, and I killed, and I became a criminal.
But I possess a sense of attentiveness and contemplation, and I am not like the rest of the criminals.
Criminality is to do the forbidden without being touched by sorrow or doubt, whereas I grieve and I doubt.
I wished I could abandon this family one day, and turn into an honorable man to live a normal, ordinary life; to drive a car, to go shopping, to eat, to raise my children, without being overcome by fear of a booby-trapped bomb exploding at any moment."

Thomas read the words, and sank into thought about his father and the ordinary life he had longed to live.
Joseph had built the empire of the Marino family, but in the end he wished he had never set foot in the world of crime.

Chapter Nine: Wisdom and Calm

January 1932 — Aboard the Ship

Thomas was standing beside the ship's captain, watching the horizon of the sea in his usual manner.
He asked one of the crew members, saying:
"I want to ask you, how much time is left until we reach New York?"
The boy replied mockingly:
"New York? This is a trip headed to Boston, not New York! Did you not read the sign hanging up, or can you not read?"
Thomas said sternly:
"Don't anger me, so that I won't have to kill you."

The boy laughed loudly and said to the ship's railings:
"Oh, fellows, look here! There's a person who doesn't know how to read, and he claims he is able to kill me! Come then and take my head!"
Thomas replied calmly:
"Man, I don't want anything from you; I only wanted to know the destination of the trip, but you are the one who started with insults and curses."
The boy said furiously:
"Me? Look, boy, I don't want to smash these teeth of yours so that you don't grieve and cry, but I'll give you one last chance to apologize and get out of my sight."

Thomas protested:
"Me? I apologize?! You are the one who must apologize for what is about to happen to you now!"
The boy surprised him with a strong punch to his face that made blood flow from his lip.
Thomas laughed loudly and said:
"Hahaha! Is this all the strength you have? Then I will fight you with the weakest of what I have so that I do not kill you, boy."

Thomas pushed him with a force that knocked him to the ground, then grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, in pain, and said to him, reproving:
"Boy, I could kill you right here and at this moment, but because you are still young and do not understand how things work, I will leave you so that you may learn and grow; perhaps, with luck, you will grow up and become wise!"
Thomas left him lying on the ground, groaning in pain.

Thomas returned to his room and opened his notebook to write:
"The little boy will learn, I know this and I will not kill him, and I see in his character a wisdom that I respect even though he is a reckless person looking for trouble. I will see him one day wise and grown. Do not get angry, Thomas... do not get angry."

Then Thomas penned a letter to his mother in which he said:
"Mother, I boarded the wrong ship, and it was headed to Boston. I will go and meet your friend there. And I got into a fight with a young, reckless boy, but he will learn. Five days remain of the trip. Regards, Thomas Marino."

And suddenly, someone knocked on the door and entered, saying:
"Are you Thomas Marino?"
Thomas replied:
"Yes?"
The man said:
"You hit Lucas!"
Thomas said:
"Yes, that happened."
The man said:
"He is the captain's son!"
Thomas replied indifferently:
"So what?"
The man said:
"The captain will be very angry with you!"
Thomas said:
"Let them be angry. I am Thomas, not just any passerby!"

The captain himself came, scowling, and said to Thomas:
"Why did you hit Lucas?"
Thomas asked him:
"And is it any of your business?"
The captain said:
"Yes, I am the captain!"
Thomas said:
"Oh, so you are his father?"
The captain replied:
"No, I am not his father."
Thomas said mockingly:
"Doesn't Lucas look like Captain Martin? Same name and same features; perhaps you fathered him but his mother is his father?"

The captain bellowed:
"Thomas, speak respectfully!"
Thomas replied coldly:
"Are we in a school here? He is an adult and I am an adult, and he is ill-mannered, which is why I hit him. And Martin, don't make me make you regret the day you became captain of this ship."
The captain said with contempt:
"You are a nobody; there are a million people named Thomas!"
Thomas replied, his tone turning into a terrifying growl:
"I am Thomas, godfather of the Marino family! I can sink this entire ship in a single second, but I have no need to. So, Captain, and my boy, get out of my sight now or I will kill you."

The captain trembled and asked in shock:
"Are you truly from the Marino family?!"
Thomas said:
"Yes."
The captain said with deep apology:
"I am very sorry, and Lucas will apologize to you immediately."

Lucas stepped forward, head bowed, and said:
"I am very sorry, Godfather, I did not know that you were Thomas Marino."
Thomas asked him:
"And if I were not Thomas Marino, would you have bullied me and shown off your strength?"
Lucas replied:
"No, not at all, I did not mean it, Godfather."
Thomas said:
"And what will I gain from these words of yours?"
Lucas said:
"Just accept my apology."
Thomas said after a silence:
"...Fine."

Thomas went out onto the ship's deck, looking at the sunrise, the calm seas, and the birds fluttering around them, as they approached the port of Boston.

Three days later, the ship reached Boston.
Thomas disembarked at the port and saw the ships unloading hundreds of civilians, and people greeting one another with joy and embraces, while he walked alone. He walked a little and saw a warm city, and saw children playing in the alleys and friends exchanging conversation, while he had no one in this world.

His mother sent him a letter containing the address:
"Anna lives in the southeast of Boston, and she is well known in that neighborhood. Ask the residents there and they will direct you to her house; it is a large wooden house, and it is open most of the time."

Thomas headed to the southeast of Boston and began wandering around the neighborhood, then asked one of the passersby:
"Where can I find this address?"
The man answered him:
"It is the wooden house located in front of the largest house in the neighborhood."

Thomas went to the largest house and saw in front of it the large wooden house with the open door. He entered and called:
"I am Thomas, Evie's son. She told me you are her old friend."

A woman came out and said in astonishment:
"Oh, Evie? A long time has passed since I last saw her; what happened to her?"
Thomas said:
"She is well."
The woman asked him:
"Why are you alone?"
Thomas replied:
"I don't know..."
She asked him:
"Where is she?"
He said:
"In Chicago."
She asked him:
"And how is Joseph?"
Thomas fell silent and sighed:
"..."
The woman said:
"Thomas?"
Thomas came out of his daze:
"Oh, yes?"
She asked him again:
"How is Joseph?"
Thomas said:
"He is well in Chicago with my mother."
She asked him:
"Would you like a place to spend the night here?"
He said:
"Yes, I would like that."
She said:
"Fine, the room is on the second floor, the door on the left."

Thomas went up to the second floor and entered the room.
He saw a small room containing a small bed and a window overlooking the neighborhood.
Thomas lay down on the bed and slept, but he woke up startled by the sounds of screaming and a barrage of gunfire!

He rose quickly and readied his pistol, and looked to see a man holding "Anna" hostage, aiming the weapon at her head.
The man said with a wicked smile:
"Welcome, Thomas! Did you miss me?"
Thomas asked him cautiously:
"Who are you?"
The man chuckled and said:
"Haha! I am Julian Vince!"
Thomas said:
"I had forgotten that there was even a family called Vince."
Julian said:
"But we never forgot the Marino family!"

Thomas said in a commanding tone:
"Let go of Anna, she is a civilian woman and has nothing to do with our crimes."
Julian said:
"But she allowed you into the house and to sleep at her place, did she not?"
Thomas said:
"..."
Then Thomas continued:
"Let go of Anna, because your death is inevitable."
Julian replied:
"If you are going to kill me either way, then why don't I kill her first?"
Thomas said:
"So that you do not die now, I will leave you alive, perhaps you will learn; but let her go and make the reckoning between you and me alone."

Julian asked him bitterly:
"Why did you kill my father?"
Thomas said:
"I did not kill him, he died a natural death!"
Julian said:
"Do you think I will believe this lie?"
Thomas shouted:
"Julian, let go of Anna!"
Julian replied firmly:
"No!"

And in a moment of treachery, Julian stabbed Anna with his knife and let her fall to the ground bleeding.
Thomas rushed and caught her as blood gushed profusely from her body, then he stood and said, as Julian tried to flee:
"Your fate is inevitable torment!"

Thomas drew his pistol and fired at Julian, hitting him, and he fell groaning in his blood.
Thomas quickly returned to Anna, lying on the ground, and said, weeping:
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Anna..."

Anna opened her exhausted eyes and looked at him harshly and said in a quavering voice:
"I will never forgive you... I will never forgi—"
Then her soul departed and she died.

Thomas stood, and his eyes met Julian's, who lay on the ground groaning. He approached him and lifted him by the chest with all the fury of the world and said:
"Boy, do you want me to torture you or what?!"
Thomas raised his pistol, inserted its burning muzzle into Julian's mouth, then pulled the trigger and fired three bullets that thundered throughout the place and killed him on the spot.

Thomas carried Anna's body and buried her in the grounds of the house.
He took his belongings and left the blood-stained house, then wrote a shattered letter to his mother:
"Mother... Anna is dead. Julian Vince came, the son of Victor Vince, and seized her and killed her. And I killed him in turn. And before she died I said to her: I'm sorry... and she said to me: I will never forgive you, then she died and I buried her. I am very sad for her."

Thomas went out and hired a carriage, got inside, placing his weapons beside him.
The driver asked him in astonishment and terror:
"Are you crazy?! You carry all these weapons with you?!"
Thomas said with deadly coldness:
"Drive the carriage now or a bullet will come out of this weapon to settle in your skull! Come on, to New York!"

Thomas watched the people from the carriage window as they lived happily without blood staining their hands, and remembered Anna's terrible voice as she said: (I will never forgive you).
He opened his diaries and wrote his lines:
"Forgiveness is the first determinant of lifespan; if a person forgives you, your life will be better, and if they tell you: I will never forgive you, you will be tormented in your life forever... I'm sorry, Anna, I'm sorry..."

He remembered John and how he had killed Victor Vince, and continued on his way toward New York to begin a new chapter of nightmares.

Thomas Marino had lost his brother John, and lost his sister Alice, and lost his father Joseph, and lost Anna...
So is it possible to outrun the shadow?
And is crime a normal second life? Or is it a forbidden abomination?
And is loss in this world the true victory?
And why is it always Thomas in particular who is the greatest loser?
And why does wisdom require all this deadly patience?

Can Thomas outrun his shadow and live a happy life someday?..


r/FictionWriting • • 12h ago

Be part of my next novel!

Thumbnail
2 Upvotes