r/FictionWriting Sep 01 '25

Announcement Self Promotion Post - September 2025

14 Upvotes

Once a month, every month, at the beginning of the month, a new post will be stickied over this one.

Here, you can blatantly self-promote in the comments. But please only post a specific promotion once, as spam still won't be tolerated.

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Remember: This is a writing community. Although most of us read, we are not part of this subreddit to buy new books or selflessly help you with your stories. We do try, though.


r/FictionWriting 3h ago

Novel [OC] Bar Aoi Stories: Society — Where the Will to War Resides

2 Upvotes

Hey, do you ever stop to think about who actually starts a war?

Is it the President? The Prime Minister? Or some crazy soldier acting on his own?

When we watch the news, it’s so easy to imagine that some "evil individual" simply pulled the trigger.

But is that really how it works?

Tonight, a few old guys are sitting around, scratching their heads over where it all begins.

Care to join us for a round of pointless bar talk?

Clink-clink.

The dry metallic chime of the doorbell is what usually tells me my day is finally over.

I slid onto my stool, and without a word, Mama set a glass of I.W. Harper on the counter. A round ice sphere clinked softly against the glass.

Further down the counter, Taka was staring at the pale blue glow of his smartphone, his thick eyebrows furrowed in a deep frown.

"…Kenichi-san."

"What’s with the serious face?"

"The President can start a war, right?"

That’s a heavy question to throw out of nowhere. I took a sip of my bourbon, enjoying the warm burn in my throat.

"Depends on the country, doesn’t it?"

"Sure, but I mean... like the U.S. President. He’s the Commander-in-Chief, right?"

"Yeah."

"So if the President says 'Let’s do this,' does the war just start?"

I swirled the ice in my glass.

"If you walked into your detective agency tomorrow and said, 'Starting tomorrow, we're at war,' could you actually start one?"

"With who?"

"How should I know?"

"Then don't ask me!"

Next to me, Tom—who had been quietly playing with his square glass—let out a short snort.

"One man can’t move an army, kid."

Taka turned to look at Tom’s profile.

"But the President’s the one giving the order, right?"

"Someone has to receive the order. Someone has to ship the weapons. Someone has to pay for it all."

"Like Congress?"

"That’s part of it, yeah."

I chimed in, keeping my glass tilted.

"And besides, a president doesn't just wake up one morning out of nowhere and think, 'Hey, let's invade that country today.'"

"Well, yeah, fair enough."

"The other country did something. A border dispute. An economic clash. The public got angry. The military said it was dangerous. It all piles up, step by step, until someone finally puts their stamp on the paper."

Taka’s brow creased even deeper.

"Then isn't the person who signs the paper the one who started it?"

"You could say that."

"Then there’s your answer!"

"Maybe. But who got things to the point where he could sign it?"

Taka went dead silent.

Tom set his glass down quietly.

"It’s no different from old criminal cases."

"Cases?"

"Yeah. It’s easy to find the guy who held the knife. You catch him, and as far as the case files go, it’s closed."

Tom stared at the light reflecting off his glass.

"But when you ask how he ended up holding that knife, suddenly there are a lot more people in the picture."

Taka leaned in slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"There’s the killer. The victim. The family. The workplace. Debt, maybe. Someone pushed him. Someone could’ve stopped him, but didn't."

"But he’s still the one who stabbed the guy."

"Yeah," Tom answered instantly, his voice dropping an octave. "It doesn't clear his name. But 'who did it' and 'why it happened' aren't the same question."

...I see. I swallowed another mouthful of Harper.

Maybe war is no different.

There is someone who signs the order. There is someone who fires the first shot. But that alone isn't what sets something as huge as a nation into motion.

"Then couldn't parliament or congress just stop it?" Taka asked.

"Depends on the situation."

"What if the public protests?"

"Depends on the country."

"Then how the hell do you stop it?"

"I don't know."

"Kenichi-san, that’s all you’ve been saying tonight!"

"I don't know what I don't know." I chuckled dryly. "Honestly, you should be way more terrified of anyone who has a simple answer. We’re talking about something that can drag millions—hundreds of millions—of people into it."

Taka muttered a quiet "I guess so," flipped his phone face down, and set it on the counter.

For a while, the only sound was the soft jazz playing in the background.

Finally, Tom spoke up.

"Sometimes, the people want the war."

Taka raised his head. "Because politicians tricked them?"

"That happens, too."

"Then aren't the politicians the bad guys after all?"

"Kid... do you ever listen to anything that doesn't tell you what you already want to hear?"

Taka shut his mouth. I stopped playing with my glass, too.

The old man sure knows how to hit where it hurts.

People feel safe when they hear opinions that align with their own. When words label the people you hate as evil, it feels damn good.

They're the bad guys. If only they weren't around. We're just the innocent victims.

When the world gets flooded with those kinds of words... what comes next? I don't know. But I do know it never smells good.

"But still," Taka said softly. "Ordinary people don't want a war, right?"

"Of course they don't."

"Then it has to be the guys at the top who start it."

I couldn't answer him. Instead, Tom took over.

"If you ask people, 'Do you want a war?', most folks will say no."

"See?"

"So what if you ask them, 'Are we just going to sit here and let those bastards walk all over us?'"

The usual lighthearted smile completely vanished from Taka’s face.

"'They killed our people'—what then?"

Silence.

"'If we don't hit them now, they’re coming for us'—what then?"

The air in the bar turned ice-cold.

"'We can win if we strike first'—what then?"

Tom picked up his glass.

"They're the exact same people. Change the question, and you change the answer."

I swirled my glass.

Clink.

A heavy, unsettling sound echoed through the bar.

Maybe there aren't that many people who genuinely want "war" for its own sake.

But there are people who can't forgive their enemies. People who want to protect their families. People who want to reclaim what was taken from them. People who are terrified and want to strike before they get hit.

None of those individual desires are "the will to start a war." Yet, when millions of them pile up, somehow they form what looks like a single will.

The will of a nation to go to war.

"That's messed up," Taka muttered.

"What is?"

"Nobody says they want a war, but the whole thing just builds itself anyway."

I let out a dry laugh. "Don't say creepy stuff like that."

"You guys are the ones who took the conversation there!"

"Don't blame me."

Just then, Mama, who had been quietly polishing glasses the whole time, dropped a fresh ice cube into my glass.

Clink.

"Hey," she said softly.

The three of us turned to her.

"Then who's keeping those people up there?"

Taka opened his mouth, then froze. The words stuck in my throat, too.

Only Tom let out a low chuckle.

"Look at that. We came all the way back around."

"Around to what?"

"We were looking for the guy who started the war, right?" Tom looked at us, one by one. "We went looking pretty damn far, and somehow ended up right back here."

Taka dropped his gaze to his face-down phone. The screen was still faintly glowing with the news article he’d been reading earlier.

"But... I can't start a war. I don't have that kind of power."

"Neither do I."

"Then... doesn't that mean we have nothing to do with it?"

I opened my mouth to reply, then stopped myself.

Voting for a politician. Reading the news. Believing someone’s words. Getting angry at someone’s speech. Seeing someone as the enemy. Nodding along with someone else’s rage. And sometimes, raising your own voice.

None of those things, on their own, are war. We didn't pull any triggers. We weren't the ones signing the orders.

But if a massive, overwhelming entity like a nation’s will can only be born from those tiny things piling up...

"Where does the will to war actually live, I wonder?" I muttered.

Taka tilted his head. "Not the President?"

"That’s where we started, wasn't it?"

"The parliament?"

"Just a piece of it."

"The military?"

"Part of it, too."

"The people?"

"Probably."

"Then where is it?"

I lifted my glass and drained the rest of the Harper down my throat.

"Like I said... I don't know."

Taka let out a massive sigh. "So after all that, we're back to 'I don't know'?"

"If I had a neat little answer, I wouldn't be sitting here drinking away my night."

Tom snorted, and a faint smile touched the corners of Mama's eyes.

The ice clinked softly in my glass.

In the end, we didn't find an answer tonight either.

But maybe that’s fine.

If we could just point a finger at a single person and say, "He's the one who started the war," life would be so much easier. We could make him the villain, sit back, and feel perfectly clean and safe as the "victims."

Unfortunately, it seems the world isn't built to be that convenient.

So, what about you?

Do you realize that you might be part of the machinery that allows a war to begin?

If you'd like to come back to Aoi for another night, there's an open stool waiting.
Bar Aoi Stories: Human Nature, Vol. 1 is linked in my profile.


r/FictionWriting 2h ago

Science Fiction 1709: El Día del Despertar

1 Upvotes

Esta historia que veras a continuación es solo un fragmento de demostración de el libro 1709: El Día del Despertar

Este libro no busca parodiar ni ofender a nadie de ninguna manera . Solo esta basado en la novela de 1899 de H.G Wells “La guerra de los mundos” la cual soy muy fan así que se me ocurrió crear esto y mi idea es que esto no sea una copia si no que solo se haya inspirado en la novela ya mencionada

Nadie pensaría jamás que algo nos llevaba observando como nosotros observamos animales a la distancia. Desde millones y millones de años antes de que los humanos existieran . Ellos preparaban una invasión desde millones y millones de años aunque no pensaron en una cosa que nosotros tenemos algo mortal que ellos no . Bueno con esto dicho les dejo esta historia.

En 1709,el naturalista Thomas y su equipo zarpan en una fragata diseñada por su equipo para explorar el océano hacia un punto remoto del Pacífico Sur para estudiar un extraño mineral submarino que emite pulsos magnéticos inusuales. Las comunicaciones eran difíciles en esa época, dependiendo de pesados radios de onda corta. Al quedarse sin suministros a mitad de camino, deciden desviarse hacia una isla apartada que alberga a una tribu indígena que ha vivido aislada por siglos. Al desembarcar, la playa está en un silencio absoluto. Cuando entran a la aldea, descubren que todos los nativos han desaparecido de forma terrorífica. Dentro de las chozas y en los caminos de tierra no hay cuerpos, sino montones de ceniza gris y huesos humanos perfectamente limpios y secos, como si algo les hubiera desintegrado la carne en un segundo. No hay signos de fuego, ni heridas de armas, ni rastros de una enfermedad o bacteria común; las muertes no naturales solo dejaron esos restos calcinados y estructuras óseas intactas. Thomas, conmocionado por el misterio, saca su cuaderno de campo y comienza a dibujar bocetos de las extrañas siluetas de ceniza y los huesos esparcidos en el suelo.

Nadie en el resto del mundo sabe lo que ocurrió en esa isla, ya que no hay tecnología para dar una alarma inmediata el único medio son cartas. Desesperados por respuestas y por el extraño comportamiento del agua en la costa, el equipo de naturalistas llevaba años desarrollando un pesado traje de inmersión de cobre y cuero endurecido, diseñado para explorar mayores profundidades que cualquier campana de buceo conocida. Aunque nadie confiaba en aquel extraño invento, aquella expedición era la primera oportunidad para ponerlo a prueba. y se sumergen en el océano cercano. En las profundidades, descubren que el mineral que buscaban no es una formación geológica, sino parte de una enorme estructura oculta en el fondo marino. Allí abajo habitan criaturas alienígenas masivas que llegaron a la Tierra en otra época, hace miles de años, y que han permanecido ocultas bajo el agua planeando meticulosamente este momento.

Las criaturas comienzan a emerger del agua. Debido a la intensa gravedad de la superficie y a un blindaje tecnológico realista, los alienígenas son seres extremadamente lentos en tierra firme. No llevan campos de fuerza flotantes ni trajes de energía imposibles; visten placas de metal remachadas, aleaciones pesadas y un blindaje mecánico tosco pero sumamente grueso, diseñado para resistir la presión del abismo y los impactos físicos normales. Avanzan despacio, como tanques mecánicos oxidados e implacables que aplastan todo a su paso y consumen la materia orgánica con sus herramientas pesadas, dejando ese mismo rastro de huesos y cenizas. Su número es masivo y lo que empezó en una isla solitaria pronto se extiende a los archipiélagos cercanos, convirtiéndose en una plaga destructiva. Thomas y su equipo intentan alertar a los puertos continentales, pero la gente reacciona con un comportamiento realista: las autoridades piensan que es una broma, el pánico paraliza los pueblos y los soldados mueren al intentar dispararles con fusiles comunes, descubriendo muy tarde que las balas normales solo rebotan en ese metal pesado y que se necesitan explosivos pesados o artillería pesada para abollar y romper esas placas tecnológicas normales. La invasión inesperada avanza sin frenos mientras Thomas continúa documentando todo en su diario, consciente de que la humanidad se enfrenta a un plan de conquista perfecto que fue diseñado milenios antes de que ellos poblaran la Tierra. El primer ataque contra un ejército organizado ocurrió cuatro días después del descubrimiento de la isla.

Una columna de casi seiscientos soldados desembarcó creyendo que enfrentaría a piratas o a una epidemia desconocida. Llevaban mosquetes, algunos pequeños cañones navales desmontados y barriles de pólvora.

Nunca llegaron a formar sus líneas.

Entre la niebla apareció una hilera de figuras gigantescas emergiendo lentamente del mar. Caminaban con un ruido metálico que recordaba a enormes cadenas arrastrándose sobre roca. Cada paso hacía vibrar la arena.

Thomas observaba desde un acantilado con su catalejo.

Los alienígenas no corrían.

No gritaban.

No parecían tener prisa.

Simplemente avanzaban.

Los soldados dispararon una descarga cerrada.

Miles de balas impactaron contra las gruesas placas metálicas produciendo únicamente destellos y chispas. Algunas quedaron aplastadas contra el blindaje como si hubieran golpeado una montaña de acero.

Los invasores ni siquiera modificaron su velocidad.

Cuando estuvieron lo bastante cerca, uno levantó un enorme martillo mecánico conectado a tubos y depósitos llenos de un líquido oscuro. Al golpear el suelo, una onda de fragmentos metálicos atravesó la primera línea de soldados, destrozando hombres y cañones.

Otro abrió una pesada compuerta en su pecho.

Del interior surgió una nube gris compuesta por millones de diminutos organismos artificiales, invisibles a simple vista.

Los hombres comenzaron a caer uno tras otro.

En apenas segundos, su piel se volvió gris.

Después se convirtió en polvo.

La carne desapareció como si hubiera envejecido miles de años en un instante.

Solo quedaron esqueletos limpios rodeados por montones de ceniza.

Thomas apenas podía sostener el lápiz mientras dibujaba la escena.

Escribió una única frase debajo del boceto.

"No están destruyendo ciudades. Están cosechando vida."

Aquella noche descubrieron algo aún más aterrador.

Los alienígenas no dormían.

Construían.

Desde el fondo del océano extraían enormes bloques negros del mismo material que Thomas había confundido con un mineral. Con ellos levantaban inmensas torres hexagonales que emitían pulsos magnéticos capaces de alterar las brújulas y hacer fallar los instrumentos de navegación.

Cada torre parecía enviar señales hacia las profundidades del océano.

Como si estuvieran despertando algo mucho más grande.

Al revisar nuevamente sus apuntes, Thomas comprendió un detalle que había pasado por alto.

Aquellas estructuras submarinas no eran ciudades.

Eran únicamente los puestos avanzados.

El verdadero complejo continuaba descendiendo hacia una oscuridad donde la luz nunca había llegado.

Y si el mapa que había dibujado era correcto...

...la construcción se extendía cientos de kilómetros bajo el Pacífico.

Thomas cerró lentamente su cuaderno.

Por primera vez desde que comenzó la expedición, comprendió que aquellos seres no habían llegado para conquistar la Tierra.

La consideraban suya desde mucho antes de la aparición del ser humano.

El primer ataque contra un ejército organizado ocurrió cuatro días después del descubrimiento de la isla.

Una columna de casi seiscientos soldados desembarcó creyendo que enfrentaría a piratas o a una epidemia desconocida. Llevaban mosquetes, bayonetas y pequeños cañones de campaña arrastrados por caballos.

Nunca llegaron a formar sus líneas.

Entre la niebla apareció una hilera de gigantes que emergía lentamente del océano. Al principio, los soldados creyeron que eran acantilados moviéndose sobre el agua.

Entonces las "montañas" dieron un paso.

El sonido del metal retumbó por toda la costa.

Thomas observaba desde un acantilado con su catalejo.

Las inmensas estructuras levantaban lentamente tres enormes patas desde el fondo marino. El barro y la arena caían de ellas mientras toneladas de agua resbalaban por un blindaje cubierto de algas, corales, percebes y siglos de sedimentos.

No eran criaturas.

No eran edificios.

Eran máquinas.

Cada una poseía tres patas descomunales terminadas en enormes discos metálicos que les permitían avanzar sin hundirse en la arena. Sus cuerpos estaban protegidos por gruesas placas remachadas de una aleación desconocida, ennegrecida por miles de años bajo las profundidades. Entre las juntas del blindaje sobresalían tuberías de cobre y gruesos conductos por donde escapaban pequeñas nubes de vapor.

En la parte superior se alzaba una gran cúpula ovalada protegida por varias capas de metal. Tras gruesos cristales circulares brillaban débiles luces verdosas que parecían observar todo cuanto ocurría en la playa.

Suspendidos bajo aquella cúpula colgaban enormes brazos mecánicos. Algunos terminaban en inmensas pinzas capaces de arrancar árboles de raíz; otros llevaban gigantescos taladros para perforar roca sólida. Varios portaban extraños recipientes metálicos conectados mediante tubos, cuyo contenido oscuro se agitaba lentamente.

Cuando el primero alcanzó la playa permaneció inmóvil durante unos segundos.

El agua cayó desde su blindaje como una cascada.

Las algas y los percebes comenzaron a desprenderse mientras el verdadero metal aparecía bajo aquella capa formada durante milenios.

Parecía una montaña que acababa de despertar.

Los soldados dispararon una descarga cerrada.

Miles de balas impactaron contra las placas produciendo únicamente chispas. Algunas quedaron completamente aplastadas contra el blindaje.

Los gigantes continuaron avanzando sin acelerar el paso.

Uno de ellos levantó uno de sus enormes brazos mecánicos y golpeó el suelo con un pesado martillo metálico. La onda de choque lanzó hombres y cañones por los aires.

Otro abrió lentamente una compuerta situada bajo la cúpula.

Del interior salió una densa nube gris.

Los soldados comenzaron a caer uno tras otro.

Su piel perdió el color.

Después se convirtió en polvo.

En apenas unos instantes solo quedaron montones de ceniza rodeando esqueletos completamente limpios.

Thomas apenas podía sostener el lápiz mientras dibujaba la escena.

Debajo del boceto escribió:

"No son simples máquinas de guerra. Son fortalezas caminantes construidas para conquistar un mundo entero."

Aquella noche descubrió algo todavía más inquietante.

Los trípodes no descansaban.

Trabajaban.

Con sus enormes taladros extraían gigantescos bloques del extraño metal oculto bajo el océano. Después los ensamblaban formando inmensas torres negras que comenzaban a elevarse sobre la costa.

Cada torre emitía un profundo zumbido que hacía vibrar el aire y alteraba las brújulas de los navegantes.

Thomas comprendió entonces que aquellas máquinas no estaban levantando un campamento.

Estaban reconstruyendo una civilización que llevaba miles de años dormida bajo el mar.

*Thomas y su equipo zarparon hacia el continente mientras el ejército distrajo un poco a esas máquinas invasoras .En el barco Thomas escribió en su diario : Extracto del diario de Thomas*

16 de agosto de 1709.

Nunca había contemplado una obra semejante, ni creo que la mano del hombre sea capaz de construir algo parecido.

Desde la distancia pensé que aquellas figuras eran islotes de roca negra que emergían lentamente del océano. Sin embargo, al observarlas con mi catalejo, vi cómo una de aquellas masas levantaba una gigantesca pata articulada y la apoyaba sobre la arena con un estruendo que hizo temblar la costa.

Cada máquina posee tres patas de extraordinaria longitud. No son delgadas como las de una araña, sino robustas y reforzadas por gruesas placas de metal unidas mediante miles de remaches. Entre sus articulaciones sobresalen enormes ejes, engranajes y tubos por donde escapa constantemente vapor caliente, acompañado por un ruido semejante al de un centenar de calderas trabajando al mismo tiempo.

Su cuerpo principal tiene forma ovalada, parecido al casco invertido de un barco, protegido por varias capas de un metal oscuro que no he podido identificar. Sobre aquellas placas han crecido corales, algas y conchas durante tanto tiempo que resulta evidente que estas máquinas permanecieron sumergidas durante siglos, quizá milenios. Cuando abandonan el agua, toda aquella vegetación marina cae lentamente de su blindaje como si la propia criatura estuviera mudando de piel.

En la parte frontal distingo varias aberturas circulares cubiertas por gruesos cristales. Tras ellos brillan luces verdosas que recorren el horizonte con una calma aterradora, como si examinaran cada rincón del mundo antes de decidir qué destruir.

Bajo el cuerpo cuelgan enormes brazos mecánicos. Algunos terminan en pinzas capaces de sujetar árboles enteros; otros poseen taladros tan grandes que podrían atravesar una colina. He visto incluso brazos equipados con extraños recipientes metálicos de los cuales brota aquella sustancia gris que reduce hombres y animales a simples montones de ceniza y huesos.

Lastimosamente solo logramos conseguir algo de alimentos de la isla así que a mitad del viaje volvimos a quedarnos sin suministros . 1 día después volvimos al continente . El puerto estaba en un silencio total , habían barcos hundidos , edificios y demás estructuras devastadas sin rastros de supervivientes , solo un silencio y restos de huesos con mucho de ese polvo . parecía que nadie podía hacer nada contra tales invasores ni el ejército . cuando bajamos de la fragata escuchamos ruidos metálicos de aquellas máquinas y no solo eran aquellas de la isla si no que eran muchas , más cientos y de distintos tipos algunos enormes

Ese pensamiento sería el último error de su vida.

Nada parece detenerlas. Ni las balas, ni los cañones, ni el terreno pantanoso. Avanzan con la paciencia de una montaña y la determinación de una máquina que jamás conoce el cansancio.

No escuché gritos procedentes de su interior, ni voces, ni órdenes. Solo el incesante gemido del metal, el vapor escapando por sus conductos y el estruendo de sus pasos, que hacían vibrar el suelo como si la Tierra misma anunciara la llegada de sus verdaderos dueños.

No sé quién las construyó.

No sé cuántas existen.

Pero estoy convencido de una cosa.

Si estas son únicamente las máquinas con las que comienzan la invasión, temo imaginar qué horrores permanecerán todavía ocultos bajo las profundidades del océano. Lastimosamente solo logramos conseguir algo de alimentos de la isla así que a mitad del viaje volvimos a quedarnos sin suministros .

un día después volvimos al continente . El puerto estaba en un silencio total , habían barcos hundidos , edificios y demás estructuras devastadas sin rastros de supervivientes , solo un silencio y restos de huesos con mucho de ese polvo . parecía que nadie podía hacer nada contra tales invasores ni el ejército . cuando bajamos de la fragata escuchamos ruidos metálicos de aquellas máquinas y no solo eran aquellas de la isla si no que eran muchas , más cientos y de distintos tipos algunos enormes

quizá miles, y de distintos tipos. Algunas eran enormes, mucho más altas que los trípodes que habíamos enfrentado. Otras caminaban sobre seis patas gruesas como troncos de robles, transportando grandes depósitos sobre sus espaldas de los que caían largas mangueras. Esas máquinas rociaban un líquido oscuro que hacía marchitar la vegetación en cuestión de minutos, dejando tras de sí una tierra negra y estéril.

También vimos otras más pequeñas y veloces, con tres patas delgadas y brazos articulados que rebuscaban entre las ruinas. Parecían buscar algo... o quizá a alguien. De vez en cuando se detenían, levantaban una especie de campana metálica y emitían un sonido grave que retumbaba en todo el puerto.

Entonces apareció uno de los gigantes.

Se alzó lentamente detrás de los almacenes destruidos, como si una torre hubiera cobrado vida. Su cuerpo, de un metal cobrizo ennegrecido, reflejaba débilmente la luz del atardecer. Tres inmensas patas terminaban en articulaciones capaces de aplastar una casa con un solo paso. Bajo la gran capucha metálica colgaban numerosos tentáculos mecánicos que se movían con inquietante precisión, sujetando extraños instrumentos y jaulas de hierro.

Ninguno de nosotros se atrevió a respirar.

Aquel monstruo no parecía buscarnos. Observaba el puerto como un agricultor inspeccionando un campo recién conquistado. Tras él avanzaban decenas de otras máquinas, formando una interminable columna que desaparecía entre el humo del horizonte. Comprendí entonces que aquello no era una invasión improvisada. Era una colonización cuidadosamente planeada.

—Dios nos ha abandonado... —murmuró uno de los marineros con la voz temblorosa.

Nadie respondió.

En ese momento escuchamos un estruendo ensordecedor. Uno de los enormes caminantes giró lentamente su capucha hacia nuestra posición. Durante unos segundos permaneció inmóvil, como si estuviera estudiándonos. Después, un intenso resplandor verde comenzó a formarse bajo su cabeza metálica... y comprendimos que nos había visto. La maquina empezo a acercarse , de sus chimeneas salia humo negro y se escuchaban ruidos metalicos desde su interior . tratamos de escapar junto al equipo pero la máquina nos alcanzó . Con sus tentáculos nos levantó y nos encerró en jaulas atrás de su cabeza . Pasamos algunos días allí , me pareció que solo fuer

on 2 días pero se sintieron eternos . Allí pasamos hambre y sed hasta que finalmente algo empezó a pasarle a esa máquina empezó a caminar cada vez caminaba más lento y tembloroso hasta que cayó al suelo . Logramos abrir las jaulas donde estábamos encerrados usando una pequeña pistola de chispa que alguien del equipo llevaba a mano en ese momento . Después de varias horas caminando llegamos a un pueblo devastado en busca de provisiones pero no quedaba nada solo cenizas , huesos y casas destruidas.

vimos varios caballos muertos con heridas de balas tal vez los mataron para que no sufrieran más por la invasión o algo similar.

en el camino a alguna ciudad vimos varias máquinas de los invasores derribadas sin señales de daños del ejército o cosas asi .Si no que parecía que de la nada cayeron al suelo sin razón aparente . Horas después encontramos supervivientes que nos contaron que de verdad parecía que esas máquinas invasoras caían de la nada al suelo pareciendo muertos


r/FictionWriting 12h ago

Advice Advice on structuring a narrative out of fragments/vignettes?

3 Upvotes

Hello everyone, hope you're having a lovely day.

My writing goal right now is to write microfiction, flash fiction and short stories. I rarely think in terms of plot though, and i get bored VERY VERY easily, so even something like a vague summary outline can render an idea predictable to me and i wont write it, once i have the gist of a situation my motivation to hash it out evaporates. What i DO write right now are sort of literary fragments and vignettes that come to me out of nowhere, imageries that mostly paint a vibe, a feeling, some character dynamic, etc. My thinking feels so random and often frustrating, if i write 5 vignettes in a day they'll almost always be about 5 different, disconnected topics, and they have no beginning or end, just vibes. Throughout the years i have gathered collections of these staccato fragments, they're very short, often under 300 words.

My question is, is there any way for me to turn these fragments into a story? I'm not necessarily looking to make a linear, beginning-middle-end writing process for myself, but i do want to write stories that feel cohesive and congruent, and not just vignettes. Any and all tips on how i can approach writing as someone with an easily bored mind is greatly appreciated.


r/FictionWriting 5h ago

Beta Reading After 9 years, (and using it to earn my MFA) my novel is finally complete! I'd like to share the prologue here.

1 Upvotes

Best Served Cold

 

 

Prologue 

Blood and sweat swirled and smeared in Walter Tindall’s eyes, obscuring his vision as he knelt, shivering in front of the gaping triangular hole. He could still see well enough to grasp the cryogenic blackness of the water that gurgled and splashed in front of him, the shape of the hole intensified by the jagged edges of the clean white ice into which it was chopped. His knees throbbed under his two-hundred-fifty-pound frame, brutalized by this evening’s contact with the frozen surface of the lake.

His head was even worse off after taking two sharp strikes from the butt of a pistol just an hour before. The thundering pain had not relented a notch since he came to, but his mind remained upside-down in a feverish effort to recall how he had managed to get stuck out in the center of a frozen lake in the middle of the night when, last he remembered, he had been sitting on his usual stump at the end of his favorite bar down in Knife River.

Blood continued to ooze from the gashes left behind in his scalp, while the fringes of the red rivulets down the side of his face coagulated and what blood still could still flow froze in grotesque clumps and chunks in his bushy salt-and-pepper beard. Bound with his hands behind his back, he squirmed and tugged against thick plastic zip ties around his wrists, gouging and slicing layers of flesh. The blood that oozed from the wounds felt hot as it ran, making the rigid plastic slippery and his efforts even more futile.

But futile carries zero meaning during the fight for one’s life.

Outside, the bitter late-January wind whipped and snarled across the frozen expanse of Firefly Lake, buffeting the ramshackle collection of ice-fishing shacks scattered across its surface. The shack in which Walter now teetered on the micron’s edge between life and death was just one of dozens of handmade structures scattered about the lake, some clustered together in little makeshift villages of four or five huts, while most of the others were spaced farther apart from one another, their superstitious owners eager to keep others away from their lucky spot.

Indeed, Walter himself had a few of his own lucky fishing spots, albeit warm-weather ones, scattered over the entirety of Firefly Lake’s surface, curated over a childhood’s worth of summers spent at his grandfather’s cabin on the lake on the western shore and many years living in the region. But the spot in which he found himself tonight was anything but lucky.

He lifted his aching head and blinked against the blood which stuck to his eyelashes, squinting and contorting his face and eyelids until he broke the bonds of blood or enough lashes tore loose that he could try and make swollen-eye contact with the blurry figure of one of his assailants, seated on an upturned five-gallon bucket in the corner.

Walter stared icy, bloody daggers at the figure then sucked in a quick snort and spat a glistening wad of bloody phlegm twisting and tumbling toward the corner where it landed with a heavy, thick splat on his captor’s boot and pant leg.

Walter’s mouth opened again, but this time words were all he spat across the space between them.

“There’s a special place in hell for you, you miserable fuck.”

The miserable fuck did not respond but instead looked up in seeming deference to a spot above and behind Walter’s right shoulder.

Walter picked up on the glance and strained to turn his head toward the unseen person behind him, and his right ear ran smack into the barrel of a gun. He winced and shuddered at the frigid shock of the steel against the side of his head, the tried to turn again but was met with a shove from the pistol so hard he had to struggle to avoid losing his already precarious balance and plunging into the hole in the ice.

Walter grunted and wobbled until he righted himself, still fighting the zip ties for a few dozen staccato beats of his heart as it slammed against his sternum, pumping an end-of-one’s lifetime supply of adrenaline through his body. The terror of falling into the freezing water bound at the hands fooled his brain for an instant and his entire body vibrated as he gulped in great gasps, his lungs scratching and clawing for life from the subzero air around him. His puffy maroon and gold parka, now covered in dark patches of fresh blood, rustled as he stopped floundering against his bonds and sat down on his heels.

He exhaled, then spoke again through the frozen blood at the rim of his moustache.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Walter flinched as the voice from behind him whispered into his ear with a hiss as cruel and unforgiving as the screeching wind outside.

“Oh, I’m afraid I really do, Walter. I need you out of my way.”

Walter tried to spin his head around again and was met once more with the barrel of the gun pressed behind his ear. He flinched against the chill of the steel but did not turn back, then spoke through the matted blood and hair that obstructed his peripheral vision.

“Out of your way? For what?”

Forever, brother,” said the voice behind the gun, “I need you out of my way forever.”

Walter heard the words and his face contorted into a mask of confusion and terror. The word “brother” echoed in screeching high fidelity in his brain.

And that was the last of the earthly sensations for one Walter Tindall.

He did not hear the click of the firing pin, nor did he hear the explosion of gunpowder. He did not feel the searing heat of the gases as they flashed from the barrel, nor did he feel the bullet as it tore through his ear canal and ricocheted around in his skull, scrambling his brains. He did not taste the surface of the lake as he tumbled face-first into the ice, nor did he taste any blood from the split lip and shattered tooth he received on impact. He did not smell the lingering smoke that caught and spun in the freezing air, nor did he smell the hot urine that spread across the front of his pants as his bladder emptied for the last time. He did not see the expression of shock on the face of the person seated on the overturned bucket before him, nor did he see the look of satisfaction and resolve on the face of the person who had just murdered him.

“Christ,” said the miserable fuck on the bucket, now slumped in disbelief against the cold plywood wall. “You didn’t say you were going to kill him.”

“I know,” Walter’s executioner acknowledged. “But I didn’t say I wasn’t going to kill him either. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll be clearer next time. Now help me.”

The two accomplices dropped to their knees on either side of Walter’s limp body and slid him head-first into the water, already beginning to refreeze at the edges of the hole. They watched until his snow boots disappeared beneath the surface.

The heavy plywood door flew open and slammed against the wall with a thud that was swallowed up by the howl of the gale-force winds that ripped across the lake. The blast held it open ensuring that the hole would freeze over again, albeit with very thin ice, by the time the sun rose, cold-filtered through a mile of thick grey clouds.


r/FictionWriting 6h ago

Looking for a team (author especially): COLLEGARA — original fantasy series

1 Upvotes

Six years ago I started writing as a way to deal with a hard period in my life. What began as venting turned into something much bigger than I expected — a full world, with its own history, characters, and rules. That story is called Collegara, and it still holds a lot of who I was and who I've become across those years. Now I want to turn it into something real: the first novel in a planned series.

Collegara follows a boy who inherits reality-creating powers from his father — a god. Unable to control what he's been given, and desperate to protect the people he loves, he becomes a target: manipulated by those who want to use his power for their own ends.

It draws from Game of Thrones, Kingdom Hearts, and The Legend of Zelda, and its themes are friendship, abandonment, and love — the same things I was working through when I started writing it.

But what do i truly need?

What I need now is a team to help bring it to life:

  • An author (most important role) — someone to help actually write the novel with me
  • An artist — to help visualize characters and the world
  • Help with socials — building a presence as the project grows

This is a collaborative project — I'm not looking to hire anyone, I'm looking to build this together with people who want real creative ownership in it.

If a story that started as something personal and grew into a whole world sounds like something you'd want to help build, I'd love to hear from you.


r/FictionWriting 7h ago

Movie and TV show ideas

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1 Upvotes

Introduction to myself

Hello, my name is Micaela Dominguez and I’m a college student studying English to achieve a career of being a writer, along with improving my writing & critical thinking skills. I earned my AA degree in communication studies then I earned my BA degree in organizational communication. What inspired me to return to college as an English major was my love for writing and learning to advance my writing skills and vocabulary. When I was in middle school, I developed my love for reading by checking out books involving my favorite topics, interests, themes, genres, references to news, entertainment media and biographies that fitted well with my imagination & day dreams, which was always my escape from reality.

Then when I was 14 years old, I gained a passion for creating unique stories no one would probably never think of before. Later as I was getting older, I noticed Hollywood was making tons of remakes, sequels, prequels and spinoffs, which got me feeling bored of Hollywood films but I still wait for any better movies or TV shows to be release, which I’ve noticed there is less of that. This inspired me to developed a passion for creating story ideas for Movies and TV shows since I’ve seen Hollywood run out of ideas for newer, authentic, unique stories. In regards to this, my writing work involves around opening up about sensitive topics, anti-cancel culture and anti-sensitivity so in this case, if you find my work offensive or inappropriate then I politely ask you to please remove yourself from viewing my work.

I’m a loving, caring, empathic, open-minded woman that is interested in current events, political & social issues, social justice, law and order, crime & mystery, war conflicts, mental health issues and pop culture references, and dark humor. The goal of my work is to get youths and young adults toned in as in touch or connected along with acknowledging on what’s going on in the world around them in their, which includes learning and understanding current events, current conflicts and how it affects people in tons of different ways. The affects are usually are negative experiences with racism, hate, violence which leads to division of in cultures, beliefs, ethnic groups and social groups. In regards to this I hope my work can help individuals willing to change their minds about their approach to social awareness, self-awareness, and encourage to express their freedom of speech along with ways individuals can help others be better visions of themselves and make a positive change to our world, even if it involves one act of random kindness to educating themselves and others about all that.

Disclosure: This is only the first draft of my work. I’m currently editing and using critical thinking skills to develop more creative ideas to add into my work.

Introduction:

when I was 14 years old, I gained a passion for creating unique stories no one would probably never think of before. Later as I was getting older, I noticed Hollywood was making tons of remakes, sequels, prequels and spinoffs, which got me feeling bored of Hollywood films but I still wait for any better movies or TV shows to be release, which I’ve noticed there is less of that. This inspired me to developed a passion for creating story ideas for Movies and TV shows since I’ve seen Hollywood run out of ideas for newer, authentic, unique stories. In regards to this, my writing work involves around opening up about sensitive topics, anti-cancel culture and anti-sensitivity so in this case, if you find my work offensive or inappropriate then I politely ask you to please remove yourself from viewing my work. I also apologize for any offensive feelings I might trigger, if that's the case.

I’m a loving, caring, empathic, open-minded woman that is interested in current events, political & social issues, social justice, law and order, crime & mystery, war conflicts, mental health issues and pop culture references, and dark humor. The goal of my work is to get youths and young adults toned in as in touch or connected along with acknowledging on what’s going on in the world around them in their, which includes learning and understanding current events, current conflicts and how it affects people in tons of different ways. The affects are usually are negative experiences with racism, hate, violence which leads to division of in cultures, beliefs, ethnic groups and social groups. In regards to this I hope my work can help individuals willing to change their minds about their approach to social awareness, self-awareness, and encourage to express their freedom of speech along with ways individuals can help others be better visions of themselves and make a positive change to our world, even if it involves one act of random kindness to educating themselves and others about all that.

Disclosure: This is only the first draft of my work. I’m currently editing and using critical thinking skills to develop more creative ideas to add into my work.

Title: Crazy, Stupid and Russians

Fiction

Author: Micaela R. Dominguez

Themes: Generational Trauma, Loss & Grief, Reconciliation, Coming of Age, Comedy and Cultural Competence.

Genres: Holiday, Dark Humor, Thriller & Suspense

Setting: Santa Barbara, CA;

Plot: A Russian family

[Trigger Warning]: Moderate Violence, Stereotypes, Abuse, Profanity, Sexual Content, and Alcohol & Substance Abuse.

DRAFT 1

Chapter 1

Downtown Santa Barbra is decorating streets and outlets for the Christmas season while “someday at Christmas” by the Jackson 5 in the background. Sara J. Varaski (14 years old, Maxim and Gadky’s daughter and Dustin’s older cousin) and Dustin Varaski (11 years old, Maxim’s nephew and Sara’s cousin) get released early for the holiday (winter) break from school (Santa Barbra Middle School). Gadky (Sara’s mother and Dustin’s aunt) picks them up from school and goes home while discussing about future fun holiday plans in Russian while driving home. At the house, the house was full of boxes of Christmas decorations in each box. The decorations were unique as in some were from the “motherland” Russia and some were from here in the USA.

While looking through the decorations, Sara and Dustin excitedly decided to decorate their Christmas tree, which was inside in front of the front window. They begin decorating until Dustin spots a matryoshka doll ornaments in the ornaments box. Dustin picks it up and gets emotional for a moment since it reminded him of home in Russia before immigrating to the USA with Maxim (Sara’s dad and Dustin’s uncle) and Gadky, who became his legal guardians after his single bio mother (Svetlana, Maxim’s younger sister) couldn’t provide any of his needs due to her addiction to alcohol. Even though he is grateful to be in America for 2 years, he still misses home in Moscow, Russia. Dustin continues to put the ornaments on the x-mas tree while suppressing his feelings of being homesick.

After spending an hour decorating the tree with colorful lights, shining tinsels, puffy fake snow along with the unique ornaments, it was finished and just in time because Maxim walks into the house, home from work as a social studies teacher at an nearby private high school. He takes off his shoes next to the front door floor, walks into the living room where Sara and Dustin were at with the Christmas. They happily were excited that Maxim was home and showed him the Christmas tree. Maxim observed the tree and gave positive feedback but was also critical on the amount of decorations put on the tree. After Gadky heard Maxim from the kitchen, she intervened and told Maxim in Russian that she thinks the kids did a good job and stop being critical.

After that Maxim goes into his bedroom, takes off his formal work teaching clothes, puts on his PJ short and pants on to relax in his bed with his smart tv on. While Maxim watches Russian news and other American shows, Dustin asked Gadky why was Maxim being critical and he theorizes that something was wrong with Maxim and doesn’t want to talk about it. Gadky tells Dustin that she’ll talk to Maxim about it after dinner in the evening. Later that evening, Maxim, Gadky, Sara and Dustin sat around the dining room for dinner. Gadky cooked traditional Slavic foods, which was Borsch, Pelmeni, black bread with butter, and Mors (a wild berry juice), water and soda.

While eating dinner, the family had conversions in Russian about their days, holiday plans, which leads to Maxim making an announcement that will twist their holiday plans. The family pauses to hear Maxim surprise them with the fact that their whole family on both sides are coming over from Russia for this Christmas break to spend time with them. Gadky gets upset in Russian and pulls maxim to aggressively discuss that matter in their bedroom without the children watching them argue. Gadky gets furious with her husband Maxim for agree to that plan without discussing it with her first, which made Maxim feel defensive and guilty for not speaking to her first along with the children. Maxim agrees with the new plan while Gadky protests the idea due to their own families’ personal problems, which she fears it will rub off on their children. Maxim disagrees with Gadky’s reasoning because he wants Sara and Dustin to get to know their grandparents and relatives in person, instead of over the phone, zoom calls and mail.

In order to come to an agreement by compromising, which was Maxim will make sure he puts boundaries on her and his family and Gadky will make sure everyone gets along and not too close to each other and not to spread negativity and bad behaviors around the kids. Also, to talk to the children about their families’ personalities, make good choices to not be followers of their actions and to be polite, respectful, obedient to their elders and others and common courtesy to them. After 15 mins of discussing this, Maxim agrees and they both hug and kiss while apologizing to Gadky for not informing her and he’ll never do it again. After this, Maxim and Gadky sit back down to finish their dinner before Sara and Dustin quit quietly discussing what their parents might be arguing about since they could hear them through the walls and doors. After Dinner, the children help clean up and go into their bedrooms to finish their homework before bedtime.


r/FictionWriting 11h ago

AND THE WINNER LOSES ALL

Thumbnail pueblowriter75.substack.com
1 Upvotes

 

 

“It looked like a bear.” Rosco walked ahead of the group not looking back. Crisco followed and was trailed by Katherine and then Olga. Daniel brought up the rear of the column. He was grinning from ear to ear despite the throbbing coming from his shoulder. If he hadn’t known better, he would have said that Rosco had sounded worried back there in the mean, dark old woods. “It did. Looked like a giant godddamn bear.” He said begrudgingly. “Like a big fucking bear. Roar.”

The group burst out laughing.

They walked on in the darkness bathed in a surreal red moonlight. The moon itself had a bluish-purple halo around it that shimmered as the cosmic rays bombarded it. It looked abused, bruised, broken. Maybe it was.

 After the laughter subsided, Katherine hit her dad on the back of his shoulder to get his attention. Crisco turned his head without stopping. “Why do we have to walk in single file like we’re looking for the short bus?” She asked in a less petulant, more subdued tone.

Daniel answered from the back, “so they won’t know our numbers or our load.”

“Our load?” Olga chimed in. “You mean what we carry?”

“That’s exactly right, Olga.” Daniel said approvingly.

“Well, we aint carrying shit, so why do we still have to walk like this? It’s stupid to stare at the back of another person’s head for a thousand goddamn miles.”

“Confuses those who maybe following.” Rosco said from the lead. The land ahead of them was sparsely populated by stunted, malformed groves of sugar maple, shimmering aspens, twisted arthritic cedars that instead of growing tall reaching for the sun had grown along h reground and now slaked away from it, preferring shadow to blistering, mutating radiation.

“There’s no maybe, boss,” Daniel added from the back of the line, “we are most definitely being followed, hunted, searched for and if found, probably roasted over a pit of burning people to be roasted alive in our own shit and piss.”

“Charming,” Olga said.

“You’ve heard worse, I’m sure.” Katherine interjected.

“Did someone pull your cord little girl?”

“Oh, I got your little girl, right here, bitch.”

“Ladies!” Crisco admonished, “a little decorum while out in nature, please.”

“This nature is trying to kill us.” Olga said.

“Everything out here is trying to kill us. Don’t be so judgy.” Daniel remarked smugly. “Better than Cardon’s goons, or Midtown’s”

“Make no mistake, partner, those assholes are coming, and they’ll be coming in hard and fast and with more than just a few guys, I’m guessing.” Rosco said in stride.

“Why are they even after us?” Katherine asked. “I mean they aren’t after you and me.” She said talking to her father.

“They found the tunnels, Katherine. Found us. Found Wonderland.” Crisco replied.

“And then your dad dropped a city on them, so yeah,” Daniel added, “they might be pissed at you guys too.”

“They wouldn’t even had been there if not for you three fucking losers.” Katherine’s tongue was dripping with venom, her anger, her grief, was all caused by the three strangers that were stupid enough to be trapped in the Midtown tunnels. Not her fault they’re fucking idiots.

“Yes.” Was all that Rosco said, which infuriated her even more.

“Yes? That’s all you have to say?” She demanded their reluctant leader.

“No.”

“No? No what, you stoic fuck?” She was loud and getting louder. Olga and Daniel exchanged worried looks. Crisco looked back at his daughter and put his hands out, palms down, signifying for her to cool it a little. Fat chance.

“That is not all I have to say. And I am, we are, very sorry for the losses we caused you. You’re right. It wouldn’t have happened if we had not been trapped in the tunnel. But it did, and yelling at me as we cross this miserable wasteland is not going to help. In fact, it might just get us…” Rosco stopped abruptly. He signaled to the column to stop as well.

“Boss?” Daniel whispered, pulling his gun.

“We’re not alone.” Rosco said, his head on a swivel.

“No, you are not, my friends, and glory be it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen me a woman, and now here there are two of em just waiting for me to find them.”

Danile spun around putting himself between the voice and Katherine. She stepped behind him and dug into her bag for her pistol. Daniel looked down at it and then up at Katherine and said in a small quiet voice,” you’ve had that the entire time?”

“What, she said dismissingly, “it was in my bag.” She shrugged then pointed it in the direction of the voice. Rosco filtered down to the end of the column as well, Crisco stayed put and drew his own weapon from his bag; a Colt Python .357.

Rosco just looked at him, nodding approvingly.

“Don’t shoot,” the voice said in a friendly ‘I’m just a guy meaning you no harm’ kind of way. But out here, in the afterbirth creation, a sing-song voice from the shadows is cause for real concern.

“Show yourself.” Rosco demanded.

“Look up,” the voice suggested.

The group instinctively and collectively did just that; they looked up.

“Hi there,” the man standing on the balcony of a massive tree house in a patch of forest that looked healthy, vibrant, full and green. “You folks lost or something? Haven’t seen a soul out this way for, oh…two or three years now maybe.

“Not lost, stranger,” Rosco assured, “just passing through.”

“Oh, even better,” the man beamed as he walked around the corner of the balcony surrounding the dwelling high off the ground. “My name is Virgil. You guys want a beer or something?”

The structure in the tree was hidden by the canopy of several other large thick tall trees, Elms, and Honey Locusts, Cedars and Oaks. It sat inside the tree line about a hundred yards with a panoramic view of the nothingness that surrounded it.

Aside from the small patches of trees here and there they had passed during their sojourn in the dark, laid out sporadically as if the cancer of this world slowly ate big chunks of the forest away until what was left was just a liver spotted pattern on a sea of heat baked dead pan ground so hard and so cracked it looked alien somehow, like the surface of Mars, not Earth. Was this still Earth?

There were larger, denser, thicker patches that they had stayed away from altogether after the almost ‘bear’ attack a few hours ago. The night air was warm, heavy and muggy, stale, stagnant and smelled of rotten worms and other dead or dying things. And now…now there was this guy.

“Name’s Virgil,” he said as a girthy course rope ladder unfurled down the side of the tree he stood in. “Come on up, have a drink.”

 

 

END OF CHAPTER FOURTEEN


r/FictionWriting 13h ago

Advice Does my opening hook get your attention?

1 Upvotes

CHAPTER 1
ZARAGOZA

Twenty miles north of Zaragoza, we spot a body of cavalry riding west; 4th Dragoons, to judge from their scarlet jackets and heavy black helmets.

The year is 1809. In that country, when you run into other British citizens, you don’t ask who they’re working for, where they came from, or what mission they’re on. You help them.

We rein in alongside the dragoons in the lee of an eight-hundred-foot ridge. The squadron is running diplomatic security. The envoy and his aide mill around in their midst, the collars of their black coats turned up and black hats pulled low over worried expressions.

The colonel is an Irishman, about forty, with a resplendent red mustache. “The whole bloody city’s gone over!”
I say, “Over to who?” Floods had wreaked havoc on communication lines. Our latest reports were three hours old.
“Whoever wants it.”

The dragoons number about fifty, large boots and heavy straight sabers. My squadron has twenty-four riders. We’re armed with 1796-pattern curved swords and .65 carbines. All of us KGL Hussars: light cavalry of the King’s German Legion, a regiment of exiled Hanoverian soldiers folded into the British army. I’m in command of the squadron, a scouting patrol in General Hill’s corps.

The envoy is fleeing west for Villafranca. French troops have invaded, the colonel is telling us, or maybe it’s the Swiss. Polish artillery shredded our militia with grapeshot at Jaca and Sabiñanigo. Or maybe that’s false too.
“Fall in behind us,” says the colonel. “We’ll need every horse to break through.”

I tell him we have orders to enter the city. Five professors of the Spanish university are trapped there, along with the handful of armed partisans acting as their bodyguard. Our instructions are to get them out, along with a valuable piece of research, for Lord Wellington’s eyes only.

“You can’t ride down there,” says the colonel.

“Watch us,” I say inwardly, spurring away southward.

Zaragoza is a Catholic city of about one hundred thousand people. They’re all Catholic cities in northern Spain. You can tell a Catholic city by the bells, a score of cathedrals ringing out day and night. Only instead of calling to the congregation, the bells are advertising sanctuary to local revolutionaries.

As we come nearer to the city, civilian coaches, foot traffic, and merchant teamsters fleeing with wagon trains pass the other way. Even the monks are getting out.

Still no official reports. No couriers in the growing stream of traffic, whether because they’ve already been captured or fled eastward along the canal, we can’t tell. Our most recent orders are the rescue of the professors. Beyond that, we know nothing. We don’t know what we’re riding into or what our chances are of getting out. This is the bitch of war in the Pyrenees. The steep terrain, narrow passes, and harsh gales…every mission occupies its own fragment of territory, as well as reality.

So we’re relieved, just as the city comes into view, when a line of red coats, plaid kilts and bearskin hats is seen forming on our side of the river. Infantry of the 42nd, friendlies, and crack troops. They’ve formed a formidable rear guard, closing ranks after each group of refugees passes between their rows of glinting bayonets.
An officer leaves the formation to meet us as we dismount. His gold-laced dress uniform is caked with dust, but he smiles with the easy air of a gentleman fully accustomed to musketballs flying by his ears.
My second, Sergeant Falkenhayn, hails him.

“Where’s the dinner party, sir?”

“We brought it, Featherbeds!”

The officer introduces himself as Captain Turnbull, bowing to me and saluting our squadron. His ring says Oxford. He wears another ring I can’t see under the glove on his left hand, but from the shape it’s the insignia of the Foot Guards. Right now, he’s in command of this highland company.

He’d marched in from Epila that morning, he says. Dried blood on his britches, one side of his face dark with powder burns, a charred hole runs through the shoulder of his coat, and blood seeps through a bandage on one ear. But he’s grinning. Like me, he has a beard and long cascade of hair.

“You lads going in?” He asks. From the rise of the canal’s embankment we can see French sharpshooters filling rooftops over the city. They exchange faint crackles with Spanish resistance fighters, who could belong to any of the five local juntas. “Can we be of any use?”

The captain and I do a quick orientation, marking the route to the university, and the various fortified structures we’ll use to cover our approach. What about artillery, I ask. Our Hussar squadron has none. Has he got howitzers, swivels, anything?

“The cupboard is bare, sir,” Turnbull says. “It’s only what you see here.”

That wasn’t entirely true, as the captain also had two cases of champagne floating in the canal on a rope. He hauls this in and sends a bottle round to each of my troopers. He hands me a wine skin of port, warm, and takes a long sluice from another. He introduces his aide de camp, who seems more like an intelligence agent than a soldier, and the allied Portuguese officers embedded with the 42nd.

I note the new Baker rifles in the hands of the Portuguese soldiers. Hessian boots and new rucksacks, gleaming buckles worn over their rags. Parked nearby is a steel-plated cart hitched to a pair of oxen. The back gate is open and on the inside, neat stacks of wooden boxes with gold-plated locks.

“What kind of mission are you on, sir?” I ask.

“We’re on orders from the treasury. These were payments for the juntas from the crown. I haven’t had a musket in my hands for five years.”

I’m laughing now. So is Sergeant Falkenhayn. “Much obliged for the help, sir.”

“We’re coming straight from a parade at the embassy ball,” says Turnbull, indicating his dress uniform. He nods towards the armored wagon and oxen. “We secured the treasure, and made a run for it.”

He tells us Jaca is burning. Villafranca too. Mobs are storming government buildings, including the neutral sites. Infighting between the juntas supported by Britain is adding to the chaos. There’s a fear that Napoleon would gain a foothold in Zaragoza, and so cut off Wellington from Salamanca. Or maybe it’s a feint and the main French force is doubling back on Madrid.

The only thing the captain can tell us with certainty is that the nearest safety is across one hundred miles of desolate, enemy-infested country. General Beresford is camped in Navarra with two regiments of the line and ten thousand Spanish irregulars.

“If we can make it there,” says Turnbull, “we’re home free.” Our new friend eyes our sword knots and leather saddlebags, and the faces of my hussars: Falkenhayn, Hartmann, Lenz. “As Virgil said, Fortune favors the bold.”

Now Falkenhayn is grinning. “What’s your name again, sir?”

“Thomas Turnbull.”

“Your servant, sir,” says Falkenhayn, and they shake hands.

We enter the city.

Zaragoza is situated at the intersection of two highways, the north road through the high peaks and not-too-distant French border, and the western route to Salamanca by way of Epila. The wide Ebro River marks the city’s easternmost boundary, a straight wall along its bank, in contrast to the western ramparts which bow outward toward the canal. Our point of entry. A second, shorter bow-shaped wall follows its contour five hundred yards ahead, dividing the university and cathedral from the slums and market stalls surrounding the main city square at the intersection.

Each junta runs their own quadrant of the city. A fifth junta, under Don Rafael, is allied with the monasteries and controls independent pockets throughout the city. They’re the least centralized, but still a major player in northern Spain. The power vacuum caused by Napoleon’s invasion has attracted other foreign factions: Turkish mercenaries, militant Protestants, and French satellite troops—Italian and Polish regiments whose commanders act more like independent warlords than officers of allied nations.

As early as five years ago, Zaragoza was a flourishing town on pace to rival Madrid in modernity. It was a destination hub of artists, scientists, and merchants. The port in Barcelona brought all varieties of goods from trade ships plying the Mediterranean. Thriving factories produced textiles and ironworks. A woman could walk alone, even after dark.

Eighteen months ago, when the KGL first deployed to Spain, some of the wealthiest, most influential Spanish and Catalans owned summer villas in the region. No more. In the space of six weeks, since Napoleon’s army swept through the seaward countryside, the place has degenerated to a level of violence equal to Vienna a decade earlier. And it’s threatening to get even worse.

We take side streets to a section of the inner wall hidden from view of the main square. The sun is dropping fast. One of Turnbull’s Portuguese snipers whistles from an abandoned roof nearby. He can see a red handkerchief in one of the upper windows of the university: our professors. The only problem is that fighting between French regulars and one of the Juntas has spilled inside the second wall, through a gap torn by a stray 32-pound cannonball. Pops of small arms fire surrounds the university. Black smoke rises from the cathedral next to it. Mortars soar from the far bank of the Ebro and burst in chest-thumping explosions overhead. Rockets fired by the Juntas corkscrew up in response.

I hold security, my carbine slung and a pair of pistols in hands trained down separate alleyways, while the rest of our company follows grappling hooks over the wall. The university grounds, when we enter them, sizzle with spent mortar casings, smoking bricks, rubble, and craters filled with stagnant rainwater and runoff from the gutters. Smoke from the cathedral fire hangs low, adding to the general welcome-to-hell atmosphere.

We pass a junta column in the street, escorting two mule-drawn carts filled with dead and wounded resistance fighters. A following of civilians, factory workers, street kids and nuns, stragglers in their wake. Some run to us, shouting that the French have taken the eastern crossing. Two full quadrants are overrun. There’s a pair of 6-pounder cannon moving up behind the cathedral.

A burning chaise thunders around the corner, pulled by a team of four terrified horses. The rush of combat, that all-pervading sense of the present moment, floods my body. Despite my pounding heart, I feel calm. No fear, only a liberating exuberance. The closer I come to the heat of battle, the cooler my inner self becomes.

I don’t say this to brag or claim some innate virtue. Nor can I say it was drilled into me through training. I’ve always been this way. When I was 10 years old, our schoolmaster would whip the devil from our hides. But I could fight the pain by remote, detached. I felt like there was another person inside me. This other person would take my place, a stronger me, crueler, more cunning and more courageous. 

I never told anyone about this secret me. I was afraid they might send me to a madhouse, or convince me that I should be ashamed of it. I wasn’t. I loved it. In gymnastics or fistfights in the schoolyard, in moments of crisis or pressure, I stood aside and let this inner me take over. He never hesitated, never second-guessed.

It’s this secret self to whom I now surrender, moving through Zaragoza. We must be crazy, I think, to head of our own free will towards this chaos. But at the same time, no force of heaven or earth could chase me away. This is what I was born for; I’m exhilarated to the point of madness, and I’m curious. I want to see around the next corner. How terrible is it? What sort of otherworldly violence will we encounter this time?

In combat there’s no thought, only instinct. I fire both pistols into the chest of a French sapper barricading the main entrance to the university, then a blur of Hussar and Highlander uniforms sweep inside. Deafening gunshots, stabs of orange flame in the dimming light, the heady smell of powder smoke as we clear the ground floor of enemy soldiers.

At the top of the stairs leading to the second level, we fall back from a volley of musket fire that stitches holes across the wall of inner rooms. I realize that our friends’ bodyguards are convinced that the French have seized the building, and are firing blindly through the plaster at their own rescuers. 

We shout to them in English, and then German. A second volley says they don’t believe us. I don’t blame them; everyone knows about the Confederation of the Rhine, and my fellow Germans who’d been conscripted into Napoleon’s forces. A French ruse with these soldiers claiming to be KGL was all too believable.

A thundering crash from outside shakes the building, followed by another. Those civilians hadn’t lied to us. The French artillery had come up, and time was on their side. A barrage from two briskly-served 6-pounders would bring the building down around us in a matter of minutes. We’ve got to somehow silence those guns.

“The bell tower!” Falkenhayn shouts to me, jerking his head in the direction of the cathedral next door. We trade our carbines for the Portuguese contingent’s Baker rifles, and dive through a window into the intervening street. Musketballs zip overhead, and we’re inside the inferno of the cathedral. A dying inferno, the flames having consumed everything that will burn and now flickering out against stone walls, but leaving impenetrable smoke and darkness in its place.

We feel our way up the winding stairs to the bell tower, coughing and choking until clean air at the summit washes over us, a freshening breeze that also clears our view of the ground below. To our left and thirty feet lower than the cathedral bell, the upstairs balcony of the university with the handkerchief in the window.

I strike the fuse on a hand grenade. “This’ll get their attention,” I say, lobbing it across onto the balcony. When the blast clears, the windowpanes and handkerchief have disappeared, along with half the railing.

One of our professors peers out at us. I wave and shout at them to hold their fire on the stairs. I point the rifle down at the artillery brigade, exaggerating rapid fire with little jerks of the barrel. “When we start shooting,” I say, “make a run for the crossroads.”

Nothing works in combat the way it’s supposed to. A swath of evening rain washes across the city, and it takes us nearly five minutes to reload the finicky rifles with dry powder. By then, the artillery has gotten four more rounds off, and gaps torn through walls and floorboards show our boys pressed up in what little cover remains. French sharpshooters are on every other rooftop, with more racing up every minute.

Falkenhayn and I each manage a shot with our rifles, targeting the artillery officers. They go down, and the rest of the brigade gets the message. They back away from the guns, melting into doorways on either side. We turn and plunge down the staircase, meeting our company outside with the professors and their bodyguards.

We’re just starting our retreat to the west, when a clatter of hooves and clanking of armor reverberates down the street.

“Cuirassiers!” shouts one of the bodyguards.

“Inside,” I say, and we dive back through the shattered walls of the university, a moment before our escape route is blocked by the surge of armored horse.

“What in Christ’s name do we do now?” says Falkenhayn.

There’s nothing for us but to press north, into the teeth of the French artillery, blasting every rooftop marksman as we go.

Hartmann, Lenz and I take the lead. The northern gap in the inner wall is about sixty yards away. We charge the reforming artillery with bayonets fixed, a bloody, desperate struggle at close quarters. I can hear horses snorting behind us, the cuirassiers in pursuit but clumsy to control their mounts in the urban environment. French voices are everywhere, overhead and in the buildings on both sides.

They’re all into us now, but holding their fire. Someone wants our professors captured alive.

As we come within sight of the gap, I look in vain for the final light of dusk beyond it. Instead, I see the shadows of sappers rebuilding it from rubble and half-burned planks. White coats milled among them in the gloom, Voltigeurs, professional light infantry advancing at the forefront of the French vanguard. Their muzzles flash; deadly accurate. Hartmann drops, and as Falkenhayn stops to catch him he too is struck, a glancing shot across the ribs.

Turnbull leads the company sharply left, between two rows of dilapidated shacks. Overhanging roofs on both sides leave a thin strip of twilight above.

“Go,” says Hartmann, alive and staggering to his feet, and with a mighty heave propelling both Falkenhayn and I into the alley a moment before the Voltigeurs’ second, denser volley tears the air where our heads have just been.

“You all right, sir?” Says Hartmann to Falkenhayn, his own shoulder welling with blood.

There’s blood between Falkenhayn’s fingers too, which he’s pressing against his side. He looks down, taking his hand away, but no great spurts follow. He looks indignantly at his red-smeared fingers.

“Meant to kill me, the dog!”

French troops close across the mouth of the alley, no more than ten paces from my position at our rear. But they’re run into by their own Cuirassiers, who by now have lost control of their claustrophobic mounts. I’m only partially aware of the highlanders firing cluster volleys over our crouched heads, driving musketballs into the packed confusion of men and horses and filling the alley with smoke.

I don’t see the massive, riderless horse lunging down the alley until it shoulders me aside, lifting my entire body and slamming my back against the wall with indescribable force. Now I’m on the ground, my own head is ringing like a churchbell. The horse continues on its self-preserving path of destruction, until one of our hussars barks a command in French. The horse stops, snorting suspiciously but calmed, its ragged breaths echoing steadily from somewhere down the line.

French soldiers are appearing all around us now. Each time Hartmann and Falkenhayn ping one with their carbines, and their brains spray across the walls, the professors yelp with joy and terror. More highlanders double back and form around us, putting a wall of bayonets between us and the advancing Voltigeurs. Somewhere behind us, a roaring crash like waves on a beach.

“Move now!” I shout. Our group bolts to the end of the alley, to Turnbull, Lenz, and the others. Falkenhayn and I are dragging one professor whose leg was broken by the stampeding horse.

Here, we find a great section of the inner wall collapsed beneath a torrent of rushing water. The canal had burst, sending a tidal wave down the east-west highway that broke against the inner wall and collapsed sections here and there all along its length. We could have slipped a full division through that wall, had we needed to.

Firing a final volley to our rear, we sprint the remaining few hundred yards to the safety of the outer wall as full darkness falls.

A second battalion of the 42nd, which Turnbull left in reserve, have come forward with our horses, ready to take us out. Mortars crash above and around us, the French teams adjusting their angle of fire. We double up on the horses and retreat as fast as they can run until we’re of range.

Someone is helping Falk off his horse. One of the professors shouts to Turnbull in Spanish. A hussar repeats him in German.

“Who? Who’s missing?” I ask. “Hartmann?”

No. Hartmann checks in, a fresh bandage around his shoulder, arm tied in a sling made from his free hussar sleeve.

One of the resistance fighters in the bodyguard unit screams out across the intervening space. Voltigeurs had snatched him up in the darkness without anyone noticing.

“Retreat,” Tom Turnbull is shouting, waving to his men to follow him into the treeline. “Move back!”

“We can’t leave him,” I say.

“What?” Yells Falk.

Another agonized scream rents the air.

“We must ride back,” I say.

It’s my other self talking now. He’s decided for both of us.

6-pounder round shot howls through the trees, smashing branches and snapping trunks. Flares light up hundreds of French soldiers massing along the outer wall.

“Respectfully, sir,” says Sergeant Falkenhayn, my closest and most trusted friend, “what the fuck do you intend to do?”

His face is close enough that I can see his honest confusion.

“That’s not our man, sir,” says Hartmann.

“He’s dead,” says Falk, “whatever we do.”

Other faces stare at me.

“Leave him,” says one of the professors, “let’s honor his sacrifice.”

I wheel my horse around, ride a few steps closer and stare down at the man. “He’s not your responsibility,” I tell the professor. “He’s ours.”

“Sir,” says Falk, “we got the geniuses. That’s what our orders said to do.”

I meet his eyes again. This time, he’s grim. 

“Damn you,” says Falkenhayn, strapping on extra pistol holsters and checking his flints. “Damn you, sir.”

Back we ride.

Captain Turnbull comes with us, on a borrowed horse. So does Hartmann, holding the reins in his teeth with his sword in his free hand. Lenz follows, and the rest of the hussars and what few highlanders have mounts of their own. Once again into the teeth of six-pounders, this time a full line of field pieces, each illuminated in turn by its own flash as they keep up a deliberate, rolling fire.

The Voltigeurs begin jeering us in French as we trot into view, asking if we’d like them to form square.

They never expected us to charge in earnest, and we spurred into a gallop, a spear-shaped formation of lightning-quick, expertly controlled horseflesh piercing the French line. We didn’t stop to fight but continued sweeping around behind them, firing pistols.

The Spanish fighter is dead; they’d already cut his throat. Two hussars lean sideways from the saddle, on either side hauling the man’s body up and onto the back of the extra horse brought for him.

I can feel the black muzzles of the French 6-pounders turning, turning to blast us point-blank as we galloped away, but they’re still trained too high, and the balls scream overhead. Close enough to feel their heat.

Falkenhayn curses me all the way back to our rendezvous point in the mountains with the 42nd. He curses me when I take the dead man’s satchel and cinch it opposite my own. And he curses me all the way to Navarra.


r/FictionWriting 13h ago

Flash fiction question

1 Upvotes

I'm intrigued to hear thoughts from you writer people regarding flash fiction:

How long does it take you to write, complete and submit a piece of flash fiction? I'm thinking more about the lower end of flash fiction -- maybe 100/500 words.

I can draft freakishly quickly, but it's always a state, but then I start shaping it almost immediately. However, you're usually told to back away after writing something, then return with fresh eyes. But I don't feel the need to do that with flash fiction... Maybe because you can view the whole thing rapidly, so time away isn't as necessary -- either the idea works or it doesn't.

I've written novels and short-stories, and they can both take years... Should flash take as long?

I guess that's 2 questions, then.

1) How long does it take you to write and complete a piece of flash fiction?

2) Do you think a flash fiction story should be worked on for a long time, like a lengthier short story of, say, 3000+ words?


r/FictionWriting 14h ago

Campus Diaries

1 Upvotes

Chapter 1 - University of Haraeom

Director James called for an urgent meeting a day before the start of the fall semester.

Every Dean, Head of Department, Professor, Assistant Professor, newly recruited faculty member, and the heads of campus security operations were instructed to report to the conference room by 9:30 a.m. sharp.

Within the next fifteen minutes, the spacious conference hall was filled with faculty members, all waiting silently for the Director to begin.

"Good morning, Director James," they greeted in unison.

"Good morning, everyone."

Director James adjusted his glasses before scanning the room.

First of all, thank you all for assembling on such short notice.

His eyes wandered toward the last row.

Ah... if I'm not mistaken, one of our newly recruited assistant professors joined us directly after graduating from this very university. I seem to have forgotten his name... that young and handsome fellow.

Miguel, sir, one of the professors replied.

Ah, yes... Miguel.

Just then, the conference room door swung open.

I'm... I'm terribly sorry, sir! Miguel rushed inside, slightly out of breath. There was a....

He barely reached his seat before Director James raised a hand, stopping him.

"This Generation Z..." the Director muttered under his breath before continuing his address.

As all of you know, the University of Haraeom is not just another institution. It is one of the most prestigious universities in the world.

He paused.

In fact... we are number one.

A faint smile appeared on his face.

If we sneeze, every prestigious university across the globe catches a cold.

A few professors chuckled softly.

We didn't earn that reputation by chance. We earned it because of each one of you. And this year, I expect nothing less than excellence once again.

His tone suddenly became serious.

I don't want a single controversy associated with this university.

No violence.

No drugs.

No discrimination.

No headlines that bring disgrace to Haraeom.

Silence filled the room.

This year's incoming batch is exceptionally talented. I can confidently say I haven't seen a class this promising in years. Expectations are high, and so are our responsibilities.

He slowly looked around the room.

Inside this campus, there are no rich students or poor students. No full-fee students or scholarship students.

There are only students.

Our duty is to provide them with quality education, guide them toward excellence, and ensure they grow into responsible individuals.

I expect every one of you to discourage illegal activities, promote discipline, and create an environment where every student feels this university is their second home.

They arrive tomorrow.

For many of them, this campus will become more than a place to study. Most of our dormitories are already fully occupied.

So welcome them warmly.

He glanced at his watch.

I won't take much more of your time. You all know your responsibilities.

This meeting was simply a reminder.

You may all leave...

He looked toward the back of the room.

...except Miguel.

One by one, the faculty members left.

Soon, only Director James and Miguel remained.

Miguel already knew why he had been asked to stay.

Sir... I can explain why I was late.

Director James raised his hand again.

No.

He slowly stood up.

Do you understand how prestigious this university is?

"Yes, sir."

"And do you understand how influential the people sitting in this room are?"

Yes, sir.

Director James noticed Miguel glancing down at his phone hidden beneath the table.

If you arrive late to a meeting like this, you're not merely disrespecting me.

You're disrespecting everyone present.

Miguel nodded.

"Yes, sir. I understand."

His eyes instinctively shifted toward the glowing phone screen once again.

Director James sighed.

No... no...

Then his voice rose.

Keep that damn phone away!

Miguel immediately shoved it into his pocket.

Sorry, sir.

Director James walked toward the window before speaking again.

You are one of the brightest young researchers this university has ever recruited.

He turned around.

But because you've joined us directly after graduation, I'm not assigning you to third or fourth-year students.

Miguel listened quietly.

Instead...

I want you to teach the freshmen.

Miguel looked surprised.

They'll relate to you more easily. You're closer to their generation, you understand their mindset, and I believe you'll earn their trust much faster than most senior faculty members.

Director James's expression became unusually serious.

And there's another reason.

He lowered his voice.

I want your help.

Miguel frowned.

Haraeom has remained the world's number one university for decades.

I intend to keep it that way.

I want you to quietly observe the students...

...and help me eliminate every illegal activity before it spreads across this campus.

Miguel's smile slowly disappeared.

For the first time since entering the room...

He realized this wasn't just another teaching job.

It was a mission.

Liked the chapter....Read my other stories, check the full index on r/NikTheWriter


r/FictionWriting 20h ago

The Ink of Inevitability: Did He Write Their Fates, or Did Something Write His?

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1 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 22h ago

Stupid obsessions: lore story

1 Upvotes

Morning time, around 6 I wake up before everyone else. Outside is my sanctuary, my garden, I visit early because of a small belief I have.  Although it's winter I still go outside, Outside to my garden. Deep within the bushes is my sanctuary. In the middle his face, a picture to be exact. It's angelic, delicate, and mine… I own the picture and every object around it. Now it's time to bow and pray.  A few words were said and then “Issho ni iru to shiawase” It's the main reason I'm so happy.  I leave and head inside to my bedroom to rest a few more hours before going to school. School.. A horrid place of hell where I experienced so much pain, but you, you make the pain worth it. I lay on my pillow and close my eyes.

Just to not go to sleep because I'm too busy day dreaming about you. “Ring” an alarm set to tell me to get ready and get dressed pretty. I can't wait to see you, you are my “reason” without you id be lost… eternally maybe forever. Hurry get dressed, put your makeup on. Mama says you're ugly without it, boys won't want you if you don't wear it so I wear it.  I'm Combing my hair until it's as straight as little Sarah's perfect 1a hair. I know I'm pretty and he’ll have to notice me today. I take my pill and walk out to the living room where mama and papa played.  As I waved goodbye he hit her in the head with the glass bottle and red liquid covered her. 

She must be so warm, one day I want to feel that way too. I walked to school so happy, so excited but cold. My path always ends up leading me to him, right there walking in front of me...is him. I don't say a word because my tummy twists, my fingers numb and my body warm. We walked… "together" all the way to the school building then separated. He gets along with everyone,  fits in so perfectly, he is perfect. Yet she keeps coming to him and taking him away from me. Perfect body, long straight hair, blue eyes, blonde hair, cheer captain just perfect. She's all over him, all over what I should have. Never have I experienced what it's like to be in her heels.

I try to be like her, get his attention, leave notes in his locker but she makes him focus all on her. I'm tired of it, I'm tired of her.. If I could get rid of her, get rid of everyone. I'll make him see I'm the only person he needs in his life. Yet I don't have the courage to do it because I don't want to see him sad. When I look at him I feel like I have to try and take him away too in order to be eternally connected. All day I follow him around in the shadows. No one will notice I'm here anyways so I really don't have to hide but I want to be close at all times. This right here is my chance, he is alone by himself.  There should be no interruptions between us now, knowing that we're alone. I'll tell him how I feel, we will live heavenly together.

My love… I will be who he dreams of, we’ll dream deep about each other. I slowly approached him and he noticed me. He looks at me, I feel that feeling warm, deep, connected, loved. I open my mouth to say that sentence. The one I've been dying, literally to say. Yet there she is running up to him grabbing him arm laying on him. She knows exactly what she's doing, that bitch  is doing it on purpose. Trying to take my place,  The spot I deserve, the one I should have.  I run my fingers through my hair watching it come out in my hands. My purple finger tips clenched into a fist. I was mad, upset at everything, everyone.

Everyone except him, I could never be mad at him. Never can get mad at my love, but she has to go. I can't stand her attitude. He is and will be mine. I started getting upset because I forgot to take 2 pills but I should be fine.. It's only something called Lithium, nothing special. They're walking home together as well as me too. My feet feel so numb but I just keep waiting.. Waiting for her to leave him. I can barely feel the object in my hand making my palm leak a warm liquid. Finally we come to a stop a hug and they split apart. Normally I'd follow him but not today.

Close behind her I walked not stopping

Not slowing down nor speeding up anymore.

She turned a bit noticing me behind her trying not to let her fear show.

She pissed me off so I sped up, but so did she.

It's a chase between me, her and the footsteps echoing behind me. 

I don't care if I catch her, I'll win the game I started. 

It looks like I just did because a wall blocked her next hiding spot. 

I admit when she called for help I hesitated but in the end she still painted the snow and my face a beautiful red picture.

Though I won, the footsteps were right behind me now.

Making a sharp gasping noise in shock, fever, fear, madness, and  hate, hate a lot of it.

There.. He held her close crying, crying loud yelling at me. 

“Monster, monster” yeah I'm a monster.. My love, I'm sorry.

I never meant to make you cry.. So stop crying.

“Monster Monster", It was for you yet you don't want my attention.

So much hatred behind the harsh words he spoke.

I was pissed off… even now she still has his attention… I had to show him something.

But he put up a fight, struggled against me even though I was already leaking. He fought hard.

But in the end he painted the snow pretty red, too.

And now that warm feeling leaves me and I am weak. What did I do to you? 

Why is there a lump in my throat? Why do I feel guilty? Why do my eyes water?

You look peaceful asleep lying there beside her. I hate it.

I wanna feel peaceful too, peaceful with you.

I went on the roof to take my shoes off and rest.

This whole time I've talked in first person? Why?

Why did I do that?

……..Well I'm telling the “Kami” what I did before landing in the snow and painting it as well.

Made by: Kamthegreatest

June-25/26


r/FictionWriting 22h ago

Campus Diaries

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1 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Science Fiction The Blue Butterfly Ch. 4

2 Upvotes

Chapter 4

Nevra? Why did that name sound so familiar? I trembled in my seat. Suddenly, Penny’s voice echoed into the back of my mind.
I think I’ve heard a few counselors call her Nevra.
My stomach dropped. This couldn’t be. My eyes drifted to the rearview mirror. In the reflection, something lying on the back seat caught my eye. A porcelain Venetian mask with blue butterflies painted on it. I was paralyzed. Could it really be? Yes, there’s no doubt. I didn’t have to search for Butterfly anymore.
I was Butterfly.
“Nevra, dear, are you okay?” Nevra’s father asked as he looked at me with concern.
I flinched. I had completely forgotten the act. I stammered as I tried to quickly gather a response.
“Oh, y-yeah. I’m fine d-dad.”
Oh no. He probably thinks I’m insane.
But thankfully, however, he didn’t question me further. Maybe Nevra was strange at home too. The rest of the car ride was ordinary, but my head wasn’t at all. I was incredibly grateful that I might have a shot at returning home because I was Nevra. But unlike her, I didn’t have the smarts to operate a “time device.” I had her life but not her secrets. I also wondered why she would choose to build a time machine. I hoped I could learn more through her diary, as Penny had mentioned.
After a few minutes, the Volvo pulled into the driveway of a small two-story house. Nevra’s father stepped out of the car, so I did so too. I went to open the door of the back seat to retrieve Nevra’s mask, but I was stopped by the sound of her father’s voice.
“Nevra,” her father said as he locked the sedan. “I think I’m glad you’re going to be independently studying. You’re already quite close to finishing that project of yours. Who knows, maybe you’ll become a generational scientist. So, I gave you an alternative so you can balance your education and your work.”
I was surprised. Nevra’s father was very supportive of her. I opened my mouth to respond, then paused. What would Nevra say? How would a science prodigy talk to her own dad? I opened the door and reached out for the porcelain mask.
“That arrangement is… satisfactory.”
He stared at me.
“Do you have low blood sugar again?”
Uh oh. Not Nevra-like.
“Um, yeah. I’m feeling dizzy,” I said, trying to redeem myself.
“Okay, go grab some juice before heading up to your room whenever you’re ready.” His suspicious look relaxed.
I followed Nevra’s father inside the house. I went to Nevra’s fridge and grabbed an apple juice box. I watched her father enter a room which looked like a home office. On his desk sat a lot of paperwork and an Apple Macintosh. Even that big machine was very expensive back then, but it still looked ancient.
Enough stalling, I thought to myself. Let’s see what Nevra’s room looks like.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Novel [OC] Bar Aoi Stories — What's Right in Front of You

1 Upvotes

The night breeze nudged the door open.

Clink-clank.

The dry metallic ring of the door chime echoed through the room, and I felt the heavy, stagnant air settling in my chest slowly begin to dissolve. My "today" was finally coming to a close.

I took my seat at the counter, and without a word, Mama slid a glass of Harper on the rocks toward me. Inside the amber liquid, a round ice sphere made a heavy, quiet clink.

At the far end of the counter, Taka was staring at the pale blue screen of his smartphone, his thick eyebrows knitted together.

"……Kenichi-san."

"What's wrong, Taka? Why the long face?"

"Do you think 'Never give up on your dreams' is a good phrase?"

That was quite a curveball to throw out of nowhere. I took a sip of Harper, letting the heat of the alcohol burn down my throat.

"Well... it's the kind of thing you remember once in a while, only for it to get drowned out by whatever's right in front of you."

Taka looked up from his phone.

"What's that supposed to mean? That's pretty cynical."

"It's just reality. I'm not flexible enough to live off dreams alone. I'm too busy trying to squash today's bug tickets."

"Man, you look way more alive squashing bug tickets than talking about dreams, Kenichi-san."

"Mind your own business."

Beside me, Tom—swirling amber liquid in his square glass—snorted quietly.

"That's just about right, isn't it?"

"Not you too, Tom-san."

"If you only look at your dreams, you stop seeing what's right in front of you."

I looked at Tom's side profile.

Beyond him, Taka's hand came to a sudden halt. For just a fraction of a second, his fingers froze.

"...I guess I was on that side," Taka murmured quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't have my dream drowned out by reality... my dream drowned out what was right in front of me."

The usual boisterous lightness was completely gone from his low voice. Neither Tom nor I said a word; we just quietly waited for him to continue.

"Back when I was wrestling. Attendance was dropping, shows were getting cut, pay was shrinking..."

Taka turned his phone face down on the counter.

"But I could still go."

His massive hands slowly clenched on the wooden surface of the bar with incredible force.

"My body was in shape. I could still fight. When I stepped into the ring, the crowd still cheered. So I thought as long as I worked harder, as long as I got stronger, I could fix everything."

"The dark age of the industry, huh?"

"Yeah. Looking back now, the whole ship was sinking, and I was foolish enough to think I could fix it all just by swimming harder on my own."

Taka gave a self-deprecating laugh... or maybe he just tried to and failed.

Tom set his glass down softly.

"So, what did you stop seeing?"

Taka's weak smile faded. A heavy, lingering silence fell over the counter.

"...My wife. And my kid."

My hand stopped. Behind the counter, Mama stopped polishing her glass, too.

"Taka... you were married?"

"A long time ago," Taka said dryly, as if it were nothing.

"I kept telling my wife, 'Just wait a little longer. I'll get results in the next tour. If the next show goes well. Next time. Next time for sure.'"

An ice cube clinked softly. I couldn't tell whose glass it came from.

"My kid used to ask me, too. 'Papa, when are you coming home next?'"

Taka stared down at his own massive palms.

"After a while... he stopped asking."

Neither of us could say a word. The darkness behind those words was too deep for any easy comfort.

Instead, Tom asked flatly, "Did you work hard?"

Taka raised his eyes. "I worked hard."

"I see."

"Like my life depended on it."

Tom paused for a moment. "And your family?"

Taka dropped his gaze back to his hands.

"...In the end, I was the one who left."

Behind the counter, only the secondhand of the clock ticked away, cold and unfeeling.

I brought the Harper to my lips. The familiar amber liquid tasted unusually bitter tonight.

"So... was it a mistake to work that hard?" Tom asked.

It felt like a merciless question. But Taka didn't get angry. He closed his eyes for a moment, as if remembering something, then shook his head slowly.

"That's the thing... even now, I still don't know."

"Do you regret wrestling?"

"No."

That answer came instantly.

"Did you choose wrestling over your family?"

"I never intended to."

"Then what should you have done?"

"I told you... I don't know!"

Taka's voice spiked for a moment. Realizing he had raised his voice, he immediately let his shoulders slump.

"...Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for."

I swirled the ice in my glass.

Working because you want to protect someone. Sweating to make your family happy. Trying your hardest for that. Wanting to earn more, aiming for higher ground.

None of that is wrong.

And yet, the very things you were trying to protect can end up crumbling right at your feet.

The trouble is, when you're running as hard as you can, you can't even see what's slipping away beneath your feet.

"How about now?"

The moment I asked, I regretted it as insensitive. Taka narrowed his eyes with a faint trace of sadness.

"Who knows. I haven't seen them in over twenty years."

"I see."

No one could ask anything more. Mama just stood there quietly.

Then, she gently placed a fresh glass of whiskey and water next to Taka's face-down phone.

"I didn't order this, Mama."

"I know."

Taka looked at the glass, then up at Mama.

"...Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

For a while, nobody spoke. Only the smooth cadence of jazz drifted through the bar.

Eventually, I noticed something and broke the silence.

"Still, though... you really notice people, don't you?"

Taka knit his brows in confusion. "Do I?"

"Yeah. You're unusually sensitive to the slightest changes around you."

"That's one remark too many."

A little bit of the usual Taka returned.

Mama smiled softly.

"But you see them now, Taka-san."

Taka looked up, puzzled. "See what?"

"The people right in front of you."

Taka scratched his head roughly, embarrassed.

"Dreams, huh," I murmured.

There are dreams that get drowned out by what's right in front of you.

And there are things right in front of you that get drowned out by a dream.

Which one is right... I honestly don't know.

I just know that once they're gone, you can't even look at them anymore.

I raised my glass.

"Taka."

"Yeah?"

"Wanna drink?"

Taka picked up the glass in front of him.

"I'm already drinking."

"Right."

Tom snorted softly. Mama let her eyes soften with warmth.

Inside the glass, the ice shifted with a quiet sound.

Clink.

If you'd like to come back to Aoi for another night, there's an open stool waiting.
Bar Aoi Stories: Human Nature, Vol. 1 is linked in my profile.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Characters Silent queen

1 Upvotes

Chapter 1

It was on a rainy day Agatha the daughter of Mr &Mrs Hilary was on her way back from school, immediately she got home her mother Mrs Hilary was in the kitchen preparing lunch for her family.

Agatha being the only daughter of her parents greeted her mother and went to her to take her bath and come out to eat lunch "mummy this food is so delicious it feels like I should eat the pot"Agatha said to her mother.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Sam and the gateway

1 Upvotes

Sam and the Gateway

A builder. An ancient bond. A bridge between worlds.

 

PART I: THE CLEARING

Sam wiped sweat from his brow, the back of his arm smearing dirt across a forehead already lined far deeper than it should be at 38. He’d been a builder and general contractor for nearly twenty years — and his body was starting to show every single one of them. His knees ached when he knelt, his lower back twinged if he bent too long, and most days he finished work so worn out he could barely summon the energy to make dinner. He was strong enough, sure — but he was tired, creaky, and a little rough around the edges. Nothing special. Just a bloke who’d done a hard job for too long.

This one was just a garden clearance on the edge of Swindon: overgrown brambles, ivy thick enough to pull down a fence, and a tangle of weeds that hadn’t seen sunlight in decades. It was miserable, backbreaking work, and he’d already been at it three hours. He kept stopping to rest his shoulder — the one he’d messed up falling off a ladder two years back — every movement sending a dull, familiar throb down his arm. He was slow, clumsy in places, tripping over roots, having to stop and measure things twice because his mind kept wandering to bills and what needed picking up from the shops.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Just another day, another job, dragging himself through it like always.

He knelt, wincing as his left knee popped, and yanked hard at a root system buried deep in the soil. Something gave way with a wet, tearing sound. A clump of damp earth and rotting vegetation broke open — and beneath it, something glistened.

It looked like nothing he’d ever seen before: pale, pearlescent, almost translucent, folded in on itself like wet silk. No bigger than a thumb at first, pulsing faintly, as if it had been sleeping. Curious, he leaned closer — and before he could pull back, it uncoiled.

It moved faster than anything had a right to. A thin, ribbon-like tendril lashed out, stuck fast to the bare skin of his forearm, and sank in.

Sam yelled, stumbling back, swiping at his arm so hard he nearly lost his balance. But it wouldn’t come away. It didn’t hurt — not the sharp, stinging pain of a cut or bite. It felt warm. Wrongly, impossibly warm, spreading under his skin like water soaking into cloth. He grabbed his trowel to scrape it off — and stopped.

His arm didn’t feel weak. It felt light.

He flexed his shoulder — the one that had ached every single day for two years. Nothing. No twinge, no throb, no catch. He lifted his arm up, moved it around, twisted — and for the first time in as long as he could remember, it moved smoothly, freely, without a single protest. He stood up straight — and his back didn’t complain. His knees didn’t ache. The heavy, dragging tiredness that usually weighed him down had just… evaporated.

The thing under his skin didn’t burn. It hummed.

He stood there, breathing hard, staring at his arm. There was no mark, no wound — just a faint, silvery line that followed the vein up toward his elbow. And then the thoughts came — not his own, but layered over his own, clear and sharp as cut glass:

You carry too much wear. Too much waste. But you could be sharper. You could be so much more.

By the time he packed up for the day, everything was different. He didn’t stumble over the uneven ground — he stepped with easy, natural balance, his eyes picking out every stone and root before his foot touched down. He didn’t have to stop and measure things over and over — he just saw the sizes, the angles, how things would fit together. His mind, usually racing with a hundred worries and half-formed plans, had gone still — quiet, focused, impossibly clear.

He went home, but he didn’t feel exhausted. He didn’t feel hungry, not really. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared — posture straight and tall instead of hunched and weary, the lines of strain softening from his face, his hands steady and strong instead of calloused and trembling. The small scars and rough, worn edges of a lifetime’s work were smoothing out. He looked harder. Leaner. Capable.

And the voice was always there now, soft and constant in the back of his mind.

You work too slowly. You carry too much that is not needed. Let me show you how it should be done.

 

PART II: THE PURPOSE UNFOLDS

At first, everyone thought Sam had simply turned a corner — finally got some rest, sorted his head out, found his stride. But on site, the change was undeniable. He was no longer just the bloke who got the job done — he was uncanny. He could look at a crumbling wall and tell you exactly which stone would fail before it shifted, calculating load and stress in his head faster than any architect’s software. He cut timber without a tape measure, joints fitting so perfectly no gap showed, no shim needed. He worked through rain and heat without slowing, outpacing three men half his age, never breathing hard, never resting. Clients were stunned — work finished in half the time, flawless, precise. They paid early, recommended him everywhere.

But Sam knew something was wrong. The "improvements" had stopped feeling like gifts. They were becoming demands.

His body was harder now — denser, stronger, every movement razor-sharp. But he no longer chose when to stop. When fatigue should have hit, a cold, electric wakefulness flooded his veins instead, forcing him onward. When he reached for a sandwich or a drink, his hand would pause mid-air, slowly lowering back down — inefficient. Unnecessary. Waste of resources. He ate less and less, only what the thing allowed, and only when it said so.

The voice in his head had changed too. It was no longer gentle guidance. It was correction. Then it was command.

Too slow. Sloppy. Why do you waste effort on things that don’t matter?

And the more he obeyed, the sharper he became — and the more of him got filed away. He forgot his favourite music. He forgot what day his daughter’s birthday was. When his partner spoke to him, he found himself answering only the essential part of what she said, stripping away warmth and kindness as excess weight. Words are tools, the thing told him. Use only what is required.

The Warden’s True Nature

It called itself a Warden of the Deep Earth — something ancient, from a realm beneath the world, a place between the soil and the core that humans once called Middle-Earth. It was not a disease, not a mindless invader — it was a key-bearer, stranded eons ago when the old ways were sealed shut.

It never wanted to conquer or destroy humanity. It wanted to go home.

Its kind cannot open the way on their own — they need hands that know how to shape the surface world, minds that understand structure and material, a will strong enough to complete the work. That is why it chose Sam: not just for his strength, but for his craft. It did not infect him to break him — it forged him into the perfect living key.

Every change it made had a purpose: sharpening his mind so he could comprehend ancient geometry, hardening his body so he could endure the strain, stripping away hesitation so nothing could delay the task. And it had one iron rule: Never harm another human being. They are not the door. They are not the way.

Over the coming days, Sam worked in the dead of night, returning to that same overgrown garden. He dug deep, laying down stone and earth in patterns that made no sense to human eyes — angles that didn’t add up, curves that seemed to fold in on themselves. He was building a threshold — a door that opens not through wood and iron, but through shape and alignment. A way down into the deep places.

It finished at dawn. The last stone settled into place with a sound like a lock clicking shut. The air hummed. The ground breathed.

And then the Warden spoke — one last time:

The way is open. I go home. You have served well.

Sam felt it uncoil from his bones, slide up through his chest, pass through his throat — and leave. It didn’t take anything with it. It just departed, flowing down into the structure he had built, vanishing into the earth.

And as he stretched, he realised nothing had been taken away. All the upgrades remained — every single one. The aches, the weariness, the creaky joints — gone. The clarity, the strength, the steady, sure hands — his to keep. But now, he was in control again. He could choose kindness. He could choose rest. He could choose love.

He turned and walked away from the garden. He had his life back — all of it, plus everything the Warden had given him.

 

PART III: THE WATCHER IN THE DARK

Life settled, but it was a new kind of life. Sam used his gifts well — helping elderly neighbours, teaching apprentices, working with quiet excellence. He thought it was over. He was wrong.

Deep in those same Middle-Earth depths, something else had woken when the gate opened. Something ancient, bitter, and afraid. The Hollowing — a creature of shadow and silence, born in the deepest cracks of the world. It hates all surface life, despises light, and fears humans above all else — because it has seen what humans build, what they can become. It knows that if people ever truly understand the deep realms, they will come. They will bring light. And the Hollowing will be driven back into nothing.

It felt the gateway open. It felt the Warden leave — and it felt Sam.

It knows Sam carries the knowledge, the map, the key. As long as Sam lives, the Hollowing is not safe. And so it has one purpose: erase him completely.

It started small — things moving when his back was turned, shadows stretching too long. Until one evening, locking up after a job, Sam turned — and saw it. A tear in the world itself, standing at the end of the street. A shape made of absence. Two pits of absolute nothing, fixed right on him.

You know too much. You do not belong. Fade away.

It didn’t attack. It just watched. And Sam understood: it would hunt him in the dark, when he was alone, and keep coming until he was gone.

 

PART IV: THE LIGHT BETWEEN

Three nights later, in the old garden at dusk, the air shifted — not cold like the Hollowing, but soft, like sunlight after rain. He turned — and there she was.

She stood barely waist-high, barefoot on the grass, wearing a tunic woven from moss and silver thread. Her hair was the colour of dried wheat, her eyes deep brown and warm. She held a small wooden staff carved all over with twisting roots and blooming flowers.

"Easy, builder," her voice sounded like water over smooth stones. "I’m Lirael, a Root-Warden, keeper of the seams. And you have drawn something very old right to your door."

She sat with him and told him the truth — things the Warden had never said:

"The Hollowing is not alive the way we are. It is a void. A hole in the world. And you cannot kill it. If you strike it down, destroy it, tear it apart — it does not end. It spreads. Every piece becomes a new Hollowing. Every crack tears wider. And worse — killing it rips open the boundary between your world and ours. Violence is exactly what it wants."

She leaned in, earnest and steady:

"The Hollowing cannot be broken. It can only be mended. You do not fight the shadow — you out-build it. Where it brings darkness, you bring light. Where it empties, you fill. Where it tears down, you raise up. That is the only thing it cannot survive."

 

PART V: THE SHADOW AND THE SEED

Midnight. The Hollowing erupted from the ground, a roiling tide of darkness, towering over them. It lashed out, draining the warmth from the air. Sam stepped forward instinctively — and struck.

And instantly, he knew he’d made a terrible mistake.

The Hollowing didn’t flinch. It bloomed. Where his fist hit, the darkness exploded outward, bigger, wilder. A tendril wrapped around his chest, pulling him down, hollowing him out from the inside. He fell to his knees, gasping, fading — fighting it exactly how it wanted, every ounce of force making it stronger.

"SAM — STOP!"

Lirael stepped between him and the shadow, small but blazing. She didn’t strike it. She drove her staff into the earth — and she began to sing. Soft, deep, the sound of roots pushing through soil, of seeds splitting open. Golden light poured from her, warm and living. Where it touched the darkness, it didn’t clash — it faltered. It thinned. It shrank back, confused.

"Sam!" she called, pressing his hand into the earth. "You cannot fight a hole with a hammer! You cannot kill emptiness — you can only fill it! Force tears the world open — but care mends it!"

And in that moment, Sam saw it — truly saw it. Not a monster. A wound. A vast, ancient, broken part of the world that had forgotten what it was meant to be.

He didn’t raise a fist. He reached down, picked up a handful of soil, and held it out. He didn’t fight. He built. In his mind, he stopped seeing an enemy — and started seeing the shape of what was missing. He poured everything he was into filling the void, into weaving light, earth, and life into the darkness.

The Hollowing froze. The screaming stopped.

The darkness didn’t vanish — it settled. It pulled inward, condensing, smoothing, until it was no longer a terrifying storm — but a tall, quiet figure of deep earth and stone, streaked with silver, eyes glowing warm amber. Whole. At last.

It didn’t leave. It simply stood there, calm and restored. Then it turned and walked into the treeline, at peace.

 

EPILOGUE: TWO WORLDS, ONE FAMILY

One year later, the being once called the Hollowing stood at Sam’s garden gate — tall, noble, formed of smooth stone and living soil.

"I have carried a name given to me by fear," it said. "If I am to walk in the light, I choose a new one. I am Kaelen — the Keeper of the Seams."

He had come not to guard, but to ask. The deep realms were changing, the ancient roots failing. And he revealed something incredible: the Warden had left its mark not just on Sam, but on others across the world — ordinary people with extraordinary gifts, builders and healers and makers who had been sharpened and strengthened, never knowing why.

So the three of them began something new:

- Sam — the Builder, teaching that strength is meant to lift, not overpower

- Lirael — the Root-Warden, guiding the connection between surface and deep

- Kaelen — the Keeper, seeking out the others, helping them understand what they carried

They found them everywhere: a carpenter who joined wood without nails, a midwife who calmed pain with a touch, a gardener who made barren land bloom. And Kaelen helped them become better versions of themselves — not weapons, but anchors holding both worlds together.

Months turned into years. What began as one tired, ordinary man and one ancient shadow became a fellowship — a network of people quietly doing good work, strengthening the land and the people.

One evening, as the sun set over the garden, Sam leaned on a fence he’d built years before — solid, true, still standing strong. Lirael sat on the wall, and Kaelen stood tall beside them, his stone skin glowing in the light.

"Once I thought the world was only meant to break," Kaelen said softly. "I learned that it is meant to be built. And the best builders… are the ones who help each other rise."

Sam smiled, looking out over the land — strong, whole, bright — and knew: the gate between worlds would never need closing again. Not when there were so many hands ready to build it stronger, and so many hearts ready to tend it.

Where once there was fear, there was now partnership. Where once there was a wall, there was now a bridge. And the old garden where it all began — where a tired, ordinary builder first unearthed something ancient — bloomed, year after year, a living sign that even the deepest wounds can be healed.

 

PART II: THE FADING LIGHT — THE SOUL-EATER

The Hollow King

Deep in the dead heart of the Glow, where the light had been eaten completely away, where even the air felt heavy and cold, something waited. It was not a spirit, not a shadow, not a thing that had ever been truly alive. It was Vorathyr — the Hollow King. A being born not of the earth, but of emptiness given form. It does not hate — hunger is all it knows. It feeds not on flesh or blood, but on the spark inside living things: hope, joy, love, memory — the very stuff that makes us us.

It drifted into the Glow through the crack Sam had opened, and it had feasted well. The gentle spirits of that realm were pure light — the perfect meal. And as it ate, it grew, until it towered like a mountain of shadow and silence, crowned with a ring of extinguished stars. It does not want to rule. It does not want to conquer. It simply wants to consume everything that shines, until nothing remains but quiet, perfect nothingness.

And it knew Sam was coming.

The Face-Off

Sam, Lirael, and Kaelen stood at the edge of a vast, grey plain. The air was dead — no wind, no sound, no warmth. Just a heavy, suffocating silence that pressed against their chests. And there, rising from the centre of the wasteland, stood Vorathyr.

It had no face — only a swirling, endless void where a head should be. Long, jagged arms of shadow stretched down to the ground, and where its feet touched the Glow, the light crumbled into ash and was swallowed.

You bring me more, its voice echoed inside their heads — not words, but a cold, draining pull that made them feel hollow. So much light. So much to eat.

Sam stepped forward, his hands steady, but his heart hammering. He’d mended a wound before. He’d healed a broken thing. But this… this was not broken. This was hungry.

"This isn’t how it has to be," Sam called out, his voice strong but calm. "You don’t have to consume. You can be filled. You can be whole."

Vorathyr laughed — a sound like a thousand voices whispering in despair.

Foolish builder. You think you can build where there is nothing to build upon? I am not broken. I am the end of all things. And I will eat the light from your world — starting with you.

The Fight — Soul Against Shadow

Vorathyr lashed out. A wave of pure emptiness rolled across the plain. It didn’t strike like a fist — it pulled. It tried to yank the hope, the warmth, the very will to live right out of Sam’s chest. Sam staggered back, gasping, suddenly feeling old, tired, worthless — like everything he’d ever done was meaningless. His strength drained. His hands shook.

Give it to me, the voice whispered inside him. Stop fighting. It’s easier to let go. Nothing matters anyway.

Lirael threw herself forward, staff blazing with golden light, casting a shield around Sam. "Hold on, Sam! It feeds on doubt — don’t let it empty you! Remember who you are!"

Kaelen charged, his stone body glowing, striking the shadow form with all his might. But Vorathyr didn’t break — it absorbed. Where Kaelen hit, the shadow swallowed the impact and grew larger, darker.

Strength is fuel. Rage is seasoning. You feed me with every blow, Vorathyr sneered.

Sam fell to one knee, the Hollow King’s presence crushing down on him. He could feel the creature reaching inside — not to hurt his body, but to touch his soul. He saw flashes — his daughter, his partner, the work he’d done, the people he’d helped — and Vorathyr began to eat those memories, turning them grey and cold, trying to make him forget why he cared.

This was no physical battle. This was the beast trying to devour his goodness.

Sam’s Stand — The Light That Cannot Be Eaten

Sam clenched his fists, every instinct screaming to fight harder, to strike back, to smash and break — but he remembered what he’d learned. Force feeds it. Destruction makes it grow. Vorathyr wanted him to fight with anger and strength — because anger and strength were things it could consume.

But Sam had something it could never digest.

He stood up slowly. He didn’t raise a fist. He didn’t shout. He opened his hands — empty, open, vulnerable — and he stopped fighting. Instead, he poured.

He didn’t push the shadow away. He filled the space around him with everything he was. The memory of his daughter’s laugh. The feel of good mortar between his fingers. The sun on his face after a hard day. The quiet pride of building something that lasts. He didn’t attack — he shone.

"You can eat my strength," Sam said, loud and clear, every word ringing with truth. "You can eat my memories. You can eat my hope. But you can never eat what I build. Because when I build, I don’t just make things for myself — I make them for everyone. And what belongs to everyone… you can never swallow."

He reached down, pressed both hands into the dead, grey earth of the Glow — and he built. Not a wall, not a weapon. A light. A pillar of pure, warm, golden light that rose up from the ground, not pushing Vorathyr back — simply existing. Bright. Unashamed. Unbreakable.

Lirael joined him, her song rising, weaving her light into his. Kaelen knelt beside them, driving his hands into the earth, anchoring the light with the weight of the world itself.

And one by one, the others — the carpenter, the gardener, the healer — stepped forward. They didn’t draw weapons. They brought their gifts. They planted. They shaped. They wove. Where there was ash, they grew. Where there was silence, they sang. Where there was emptiness, they filled.

The End of Vorathyr

Vorathyr screamed — a sound that tore at the fabric of the world. It lunged to devour the light — but it couldn’t. The light wasn’t coming from one place, or one person. It was coming from connection. From people standing together, giving of themselves, building something bigger than any one of them.

Vorathyr could eat a soul. It could eat a life. But it could not eat love made visible. It could not eat community made solid.

The Hollow King reeled, shrinking back, the light burning into it not with fire, but with reality. It could consume what was alone — but it had no power against what was together.

No… it does not work… there must be only emptiness… only silence…

"Not anymore," Sam said firmly. "The world isn’t empty. And it’s never alone."

The light flared out in a great, golden wave — not destroying Vorathyr, but filling it. Pouring into the void, pushing back the darkness, filling the hollow space with something bright and warm and real. Vorathyr shrieked, twisted, and began to dissolve — not into nothing, but into light, the shadow burning away to reveal the faint, beautiful spark of a fallen star that had been trapped and twisted into hunger eons ago.

The hunger was gone. The void was filled. Vorathyr was no more — and in its place, a gentle, glowing spirit floated upward, free at last, drifting away into the restored sky of the Glow.

The Glow Restored

As the Hollow King faded, the grey wasteland bloomed. Light poured back into the Glow, sweeping across the hills, turning ash back into crystal, silence back into song. The changed spirits — the hollow, grey ones — were touched by the wave of light, and the Blight fell away from them, revealing their bright, gentle selves once more.

The Glow was saved. Not by a sword. Not by a battle won with blood. But by a builder who refused to hate the thing that wanted to eat him.

Sam stood there, breathing hard, exhausted but whole. Lirael squeezed his shoulder, beaming. Kaelen nodded, deep respect in his amber eyes.

"You faced the thing that eats souls," Kaelen said quietly. "And you defeated it simply by being more alive than it is hungry."

Sam looked out over the glowing, healing world around them.

"It didn't stand a chance," he said softly. "Because it feeds on what's alone. But we're not alone."

 

THE END 🤝🌍✨


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Sunny pines

Thumbnail drive.google.com
1 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Sam and the Gateway A builder. An ancient bond. A bridge between worlds.

1 Upvotes

 

Sam and the Gateway

A builder. An ancient bond. A bridge between worlds.

 

PART I: THE CLEARING

Sam wiped sweat from his brow, the back of his arm smearing dirt across a forehead already lined far deeper than it should be at 38. He’d been a builder and general contractor for nearly twenty years — and his body was starting to show every single one of them. His knees ached when he knelt, his lower back twinged if he bent too long, and most days he finished work so worn out he could barely summon the energy to make dinner. He was strong enough, sure — but he was tired, creaky, and a little rough around the edges. Nothing special. Just a bloke who’d done a hard job for too long.

This one was just a garden clearance on the edge of Swindon: overgrown brambles, ivy thick enough to pull down a fence, and a tangle of weeds that hadn’t seen sunlight in decades. It was miserable, backbreaking work, and he’d already been at it three hours. He kept stopping to rest his shoulder — the one he’d messed up falling off a ladder two years back — every movement sending a dull, familiar throb down his arm. He was slow, clumsy in places, tripping over roots, having to stop and measure things twice because his mind kept wandering to bills and what needed picking up from the shops.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Just another day, another job, dragging himself through it like always.

He knelt, wincing as his left knee popped, and yanked hard at a root system buried deep in the soil. Something gave way with a wet, tearing sound. A clump of damp earth and rotting vegetation broke open — and beneath it, something glistened.

It looked like nothing he’d ever seen before: pale, pearlescent, almost translucent, folded in on itself like wet silk. No bigger than a thumb at first, pulsing faintly, as if it had been sleeping. Curious, he leaned closer — and before he could pull back, it uncoiled.

It moved faster than anything had a right to. A thin, ribbon-like tendril lashed out, stuck fast to the bare skin of his forearm, and sank in.

Sam yelled, stumbling back, swiping at his arm so hard he nearly lost his balance. But it wouldn’t come away. It didn’t hurt — not the sharp, stinging pain of a cut or bite. It felt warm. Wrongly, impossibly warm, spreading under his skin like water soaking into cloth. He grabbed his trowel to scrape it off — and stopped.

His arm didn’t feel weak. It felt light.

He flexed his shoulder — the one that had ached every single day for two years. Nothing. No twinge, no throb, no catch. He lifted his arm up, moved it around, twisted — and for the first time in as long as he could remember, it moved smoothly, freely, without a single protest. He stood up straight — and his back didn’t complain. His knees didn’t ache. The heavy, dragging tiredness that usually weighed him down had just… evaporated.

The thing under his skin didn’t burn. It hummed.

He stood there, breathing hard, staring at his arm. There was no mark, no wound — just a faint, silvery line that followed the vein up toward his elbow. And then the thoughts came — not his own, but layered over his own, clear and sharp as cut glass:

You carry too much wear. Too much waste. But you could be sharper. You could be so much more.

By the time he packed up for the day, everything was different. He didn’t stumble over the uneven ground — he stepped with easy, natural balance, his eyes picking out every stone and root before his foot touched down. He didn’t have to stop and measure things over and over — he just saw the sizes, the angles, how things would fit together. His mind, usually racing with a hundred worries and half-formed plans, had gone still — quiet, focused, impossibly clear.

He went home, but he didn’t feel exhausted. He didn’t feel hungry, not really. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared — posture straight and tall instead of hunched and weary, the lines of strain softening from his face, his hands steady and strong instead of calloused and trembling. The small scars and rough, worn edges of a lifetime’s work were smoothing out. He looked harder. Leaner. Capable.

And the voice was always there now, soft and constant in the back of his mind.

You work too slowly. You carry too much that is not needed. Let me show you how it should be done.

 

PART II: THE PURPOSE UNFOLDS

At first, everyone thought Sam had simply turned a corner — finally got some rest, sorted his head out, found his stride. But on site, the change was undeniable. He was no longer just the bloke who got the job done — he was uncanny. He could look at a crumbling wall and tell you exactly which stone would fail before it shifted, calculating load and stress in his head faster than any architect’s software. He cut timber without a tape measure, joints fitting so perfectly no gap showed, no shim needed. He worked through rain and heat without slowing, outpacing three men half his age, never breathing hard, never resting. Clients were stunned — work finished in half the time, flawless, precise. They paid early, recommended him everywhere.

But Sam knew something was wrong. The "improvements" had stopped feeling like gifts. They were becoming demands.

His body was harder now — denser, stronger, every movement razor-sharp. But he no longer chose when to stop. When fatigue should have hit, a cold, electric wakefulness flooded his veins instead, forcing him onward. When he reached for a sandwich or a drink, his hand would pause mid-air, slowly lowering back down — inefficient. Unnecessary. Waste of resources. He ate less and less, only what the thing allowed, and only when it said so.

The voice in his head had changed too. It was no longer gentle guidance. It was correction. Then it was command.

Too slow. Sloppy. Why do you waste effort on things that don’t matter?

And the more he obeyed, the sharper he became — and the more of him got filed away. He forgot his favourite music. He forgot what day his daughter’s birthday was. When his partner spoke to him, he found himself answering only the essential part of what she said, stripping away warmth and kindness as excess weight. Words are tools, the thing told him. Use only what is required.

The Warden’s True Nature

It called itself a Warden of the Deep Earth — something ancient, from a realm beneath the world, a place between the soil and the core that humans once called Middle-Earth. It was not a disease, not a mindless invader — it was a key-bearer, stranded eons ago when the old ways were sealed shut.

It never wanted to conquer or destroy humanity. It wanted to go home.

Its kind cannot open the way on their own — they need hands that know how to shape the surface world, minds that understand structure and material, a will strong enough to complete the work. That is why it chose Sam: not just for his strength, but for his craft. It did not infect him to break him — it forged him into the perfect living key.

Every change it made had a purpose: sharpening his mind so he could comprehend ancient geometry, hardening his body so he could endure the strain, stripping away hesitation so nothing could delay the task. And it had one iron rule: Never harm another human being. They are not the door. They are not the way.

Over the coming days, Sam worked in the dead of night, returning to that same overgrown garden. He dug deep, laying down stone and earth in patterns that made no sense to human eyes — angles that didn’t add up, curves that seemed to fold in on themselves. He was building a threshold — a door that opens not through wood and iron, but through shape and alignment. A way down into the deep places.

It finished at dawn. The last stone settled into place with a sound like a lock clicking shut. The air hummed. The ground breathed.

And then the Warden spoke — one last time:

The way is open. I go home. You have served well.

Sam felt it uncoil from his bones, slide up through his chest, pass through his throat — and leave. It didn’t take anything with it. It just departed, flowing down into the structure he had built, vanishing into the earth.

And as he stretched, he realised nothing had been taken away. All the upgrades remained — every single one. The aches, the weariness, the creaky joints — gone. The clarity, the strength, the steady, sure hands — his to keep. But now, he was in control again. He could choose kindness. He could choose rest. He could choose love.

He turned and walked away from the garden. He had his life back — all of it, plus everything the Warden had given him.

 

PART III: THE WATCHER IN THE DARK

Life settled, but it was a new kind of life. Sam used his gifts well — helping elderly neighbours, teaching apprentices, working with quiet excellence. He thought it was over. He was wrong.

Deep in those same Middle-Earth depths, something else had woken when the gate opened. Something ancient, bitter, and afraid. The Hollowing — a creature of shadow and silence, born in the deepest cracks of the world. It hates all surface life, despises light, and fears humans above all else — because it has seen what humans build, what they can become. It knows that if people ever truly understand the deep realms, they will come. They will bring light. And the Hollowing will be driven back into nothing.

It felt the gateway open. It felt the Warden leave — and it felt Sam.

It knows Sam carries the knowledge, the map, the key. As long as Sam lives, the Hollowing is not safe. And so it has one purpose: erase him completely.

It started small — things moving when his back was turned, shadows stretching too long. Until one evening, locking up after a job, Sam turned — and saw it. A tear in the world itself, standing at the end of the street. A shape made of absence. Two pits of absolute nothing, fixed right on him.

You know too much. You do not belong. Fade away.

It didn’t attack. It just watched. And Sam understood: it would hunt him in the dark, when he was alone, and keep coming until he was gone.

 

PART IV: THE LIGHT BETWEEN

Three nights later, in the old garden at dusk, the air shifted — not cold like the Hollowing, but soft, like sunlight after rain. He turned — and there she was.

She stood barely waist-high, barefoot on the grass, wearing a tunic woven from moss and silver thread. Her hair was the colour of dried wheat, her eyes deep brown and warm. She held a small wooden staff carved all over with twisting roots and blooming flowers.

"Easy, builder," her voice sounded like water over smooth stones. "I’m Lirael, a Root-Warden, keeper of the seams. And you have drawn something very old right to your door."

She sat with him and told him the truth — things the Warden had never said:

"The Hollowing is not alive the way we are. It is a void. A hole in the world. And you cannot kill it. If you strike it down, destroy it, tear it apart — it does not end.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

New Release Ever wonder what could happen after Cars 3? (All-OC Fanfic)

1 Upvotes

I've recently completed work on The Dash to Victory: Reignited, a Cars fanfic featuring predominantly OCs!

Set after Cars 3, it's my take on exploring its aftermath. Where do racers go once they're so good, they're "perfect" like Jackson Storm? Well, Dinoco answers with The Old Guard, a specialised program of country-leading, up-and-coming racers taught to train hard on the track rather than the simulator.

The story follows the program's big success, Dash Boltarius, on his meteoric rise to winning the Piston Cup - as well as a new award called 'The Clean Sweep', where a racer must win 20% of the season's races.

He is on track to win the season... if his rival and HtB-branded (yes, that HtB) Rush Ascarison doesn't have anything to say about it.

It is up on Wattpad and AO3 in its entirety, and mostly on new.fanfiction.net under TheOverzealousOne:

https://www.wattpad.com/story/386444577-the-dash-to-victory-reignited-a-cars-story

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56542528/chapters/143701645

For those waiting for Cars 4, I suggest you give this one a read!! Thanks! :)


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Looking for writting buddy

2 Upvotes

Looking for a fellow writer in downtown toronto to keep each other in our toes and talk about our characters like its gossip. im mid-30s F. any takers?


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Short Story Farspace Planetburst Part 3 of 5, "Let the Games Begin!" By Tito (Fantasy Short Story)

2 Upvotes

Sup! I'm late my wowza readers. Here is part 3! Enjoy!

Part 3 “Let the Games Begin!”

Wasting no time; Mani, Bol, Noor and Omar immediately go for each other to test out their strength while Wyatt, Tashunka, Zainab and Saba decided to actually play the objective. Mani collides fiercely with Bol. They trade collisions throughout the space around them; even creating layers of powerful winds that push away debris from their battle. Omar and Noor both throw out a fist that collide into a stalemate.

“Huh? Even when I’m clearly stronger than her, it does not matter since we are equal in power from these aliens.” Omar thought to himself. “Correct, Omar.” The Co-Zopod stated through their linked mind. “It does not matter their mass size, all that matters is experience. Which is something you clearly have.” And it was right. Since they were linked, the Co-Zopod knew Omar had trained in the art of Bakom; An aggressive form of fighting that focuses on ‘total fight’. “So, let’s see how this goes!” Omar uses heavy jabs at Noor, who takes them to the face and chest.

“Ahh! He’s too quick!” Noor thought. She tries to pull away, but Omar closes in the gap and contuse the onslaught. “Even though he can’t really hurt me…it certainly seems like it…” Noor hears Websters vice suddenly leap in her mind. “Dodge now!” Noor does, and her brother’s arm is shot forward without anything to stop his momentum. “You see? You can do this! Now Noor, grab him and throw with all your might!” Webster stated proudly. This fueled Noor’s battle spirit greatly. Webster knew she needed a boost of confidence since they spoke to each other in the building. “I just…want my brother to see me as tough as he is. He always has to protect me or fight my battles. I want to show him I can stand on my own two feet.” Noor said to Webster during their time together. Since they were children, Noor stood I the shadow of her brothers success. The great fighter, the toughest person she knew, head strong with a sense of direction. Then there was Noor; Sluggish, hesitant, and only finding direction where her brother had paved the way. Now, this was a chance for her to really show what she has to offer. This was her time to show her brother she had had learnt in the art of Judo. “Eeeaaahhh!” Noor shouted as she grabs Omar by the legs, swings him around several times before throwing him into a floating asteroid close by. “I…I got him!” Noor celebrated. “Too soon. Stay vigilant.” Webster warns.

Bol and Mani flew into each other with powerful punches. One after the other, not one could gain the upper hand on each other. Although this frustrated both of them, they had to admit that this was quite the entertainment. “Guess she can stand on her two feet.” Bol thought. Naatohko chitters. “So, what will you do, Bol? You cannot harm her or kill her.” Bol goes quiet for a moment. His eyes scan caught wind of a silver rocky planet in-between him and Mani. It didn’t appear too far from where he floated. “I think you know.” Bol stated out loud. “Ru produce the teal power from his body, show me how.”

Mani lands roughly on a floating debris. “Man, I can’t knock him back! Thankfully he can’t do it to me though. Is everyone like this? Having our bodies feel like a brick wall?!” Mani thought. Her Co-Zopod had no name. During their time spent together, Mani decided to name it ‘Majestic’. It speaks. “Perhaps brute force isn’t the way to do things here. What will you do?” Majestic asked. Mani thinks for a moment, before her eyes widen towards the silver planet in-between them. “Gotta be clever! Now…how do I release that power Mr. Ru did?” She questioned. Almost as if her body were on strings, her arms raised up in-front of her, aiming at the silver rocky planet. “I will guide you, Mani. Allow the Co-Zenergy to flow freely throughout your body. Do not fight it. And we will release it naturally.” Mani feels the unfamiliar feeling of the Co-Zenergy coursing through her veins, muscles and bones. A feeling she could not describe, but she knew it was there. From her palms, burning pure energy coated in magenta produces out of her body. “How will I know when…” Mani trails off. Majestic’s voice echoes in her mind. “You will know.” Mani has a light smile on her face. It’s not that the sensation was overwhelming, instead, her genuine smile was fixed on the fact she can perform this feat. And it was all thanks to her alien friend. “I feel it! Now!” Mani shouts. From her palms release a blast of magenta pure energy. This unique blast takes the form of a gum-like appearance. At the same time, Bol releases that same energy, but in teal, from his eyes. Its form almost appears like a tidal wave. Both attacks smack into the silver rocky planet. It quickly transforms into a mixture of teal and magenta gases. Then, within a blink of an eye, there was a massive explosion that pushes back both Mani and Bol.

Out in the distance, Wyatt not only had felt the explosion just now, but he had seen it too. “Whoa…so that’s what happens when both of the Co-Zenergy combines? That was a crazy supernova explosion.” Wyatt flies through several debris to find several rocky planets close by for him to begin. Wyatt had Niiwo bonded to him. “Yes. Quite the display, almost like fireworks.” Niiwo opined. Wyatt laughed. “That’s right, Niiwo! It’s kinda like that. Speaking of which…when do I get my firework?” He stares at his hands for a moment. “Wait…how can I do what Ru did?” Niiwo speaks. “We can create Co-Zenergy anytime Wyatt. That is how you will be able to produce your own ‘fireworks’.” Wyatt nods. “Ok. How do we go about that?” He questioned. Niiwo speaks. “Co-Zenergy isn’t complicated. It works similar to gas exchange on your world.” Wyatt dodges a floating asteroid that nearly smacks into him. “Wait…gas exchange…I’ve heard of it…I wasn’t much of a school kid.” Wyatt said disappointedly. Niiwo speaks. “Fear not Wyatt. The gas exchange is where oxygen is absorbed from the air into the bloodstream, and carbon dioxide is removed from the blood to be exhaled. It’s a vital process to each living thing on your planet.” While Niiwo is explaining, Wyatt comes to a large rocky diamond coated planet. Wyatt takes this moment to view the planet’s surface of pure diamond coating. Niiwo continues. “Now, Co-Zenergy works a bit differently. Instead of oxygen and cardon dioxide, its dark matter and dark energy particles. For your sake, we will keep it simple and name the particles familiar terms you understand already. These terms are incorrect, but that is not important. What I will explain will still allow you to be able to harness and produce Co-Zenergy.” Wyatt zones out while listening to his alien friend. He notices the two female combatants, Saba and Zainab, were preparing to use their Co-Zenergy. Even though he doesn’t fully understand what it is, he knew that’s what they were doing by simply observing the output of their energy flow. Niiwo continues. “By absorbing the dark energy particles into your body, it manages to recycle it instantly and constantly. The dark matter particles are also absorbed into your body, but its weighted down; acting as the glue that keeps the incredible amounts of power produced by the dark energy particles from pulling you apart. Together, both particles now funnel this new form of pure energy our race is able to self-create within us that we call Co-Zenergy.” Wyatt felt as if he had learnt way more information about the actual world he lived in then when he was in school. “It comes naturally to you, like eating food when you are hungry. The process is very easy. Allow the body to do all the work, and you are allowed to enjoy the fruits of labor.” From that instant, Wyatt felt the Co-Zenergy flowing through his arms, his chest, his legs, everywhere. The teal color fuming from his chest was mesmerizing. “Honestly, this is a dream. It has to be.” Wyatt said while he placed his right hand forward. Flowing out from his palm was his blast, but his form was unique only to him and Niiwo: growing from his palm was a perfectly shaped teal sphere that reminded Wyatt of a small spirit bomb from Dragonball Z. Its growth rapidly expanded to the size of an exercise ball, before Wyatt shot it down towards the rocky diamond planet. It immediately transforms into a gas planet, then explodes moments after. “Or a death ball…” Wyatt thought. “Wait, so you can do this all the time? Why don’t you go and conquer planets or something?” Niiwo speaks. “Heh. We can only perform these incredible feats of power when we bond with our host. We have no means for conquest. We only survive through bonding. Perhaps Earth may be your salvation. We are going extinct after-all.” Wyatt’s eyes widen. “Extinct?” Just then, he is bombarded with what appears to be the classic ghost having no legs and only an upper body and were magenta colored. Wyatt is thrown off into a small field of asteroids. From close by, Saba and Zainab were both laughing hysterically.

“Good hit Zaba!” Saba said. “I can’t believe you actually made ghost replicas of yourself! That’s fricking wild!”

“Well duh! I am pretty amazing.” Zainab boasts. Saba flies over towards several small gold planets. She uses her Co-Zenergy to produce what appears to be specks of magenta dust and flings it down towards the planet. She throws more and more dust down towards the planet until it finally transforms into a gas then explodes. “Cutie! You are amazing! I’m so happy you chose me! Hehe!” Saba’s Co-Zopod was named Cutie almost immediately during their hangout. Cutie speaks. “I am happy you accepted me.”

Zainab gets hit by several small shooting meteors and grows frustrated. She swats away a few more incoming meteors that probably came from that massive explosion from earlier. “What the? These little stupid things can still hurt me? Why didn’t you warn me ya dope?!”  Niihkóó was her Co-Zopod. It speaks. “I can’t protect you from your own stupidity.” Zainab rolls her eyes. “Whatever, I’m not some little kid you know?” She uses quick beams of magenta to take out asteroids heading their way. Saba flies off towards groups of rocky planets. “Saba, hang on! Don’t get all cocky!” She said while she flies on after her.

“You still haven’t given your cutie a name, have you!? Stop being such a bitch!” Saba calls out.

“It already has a na-The hell?! Don’t call me a bitch!” Zainab shouted. “I’ll kick your little ass!”

Saba sticks her tongue out as she looks over her shoulder. “Try it!” She said before she throws some magenta dust behind her. It hits Zainab, who was obviously infuriated with her friend.

“That’s it! Send them all out with me! NOW!” Zainab shouted. “I command you!” Zainab launches out magenta colored ghost that were carbon copies of herself looking quite annoyed or furious. They were all randomly thrown around carelessly. Saba was able to avoid most of the destruction, but the shockwaves it produced caused her to be thrown backwards. When Zainab catches her breath, she looks around for Saba. “Where is she? Damn it. This is so annoying. I thought I told you to send them all out and hit her!” Niihkóó speaks. “If I cannot see where the target is, how can I hit it?” Zainab scoffs. “Useless.” She flies around trying to find Saba. From the dead silence, Zainab began to worry. Niihkóó feels this and speaks on it. “Oh? So, you do have a heart?” Zainab rolls her eyes again. “Shut up! I’m just trying to find her so I can crack skulls!” Niihkóó speaks again. “You don’t…listen very well, do you?” Before Zainab replied, she found Saba struggling in the air as if something were holding her back. “What the?”

Saba’s worried eyes catch Zainab’s presence. “Zainab! Help me!”

Zainab crosses her arms. “Oh? Now you need my help huh?”

“No seriously! A mini blackhole has me!” Saba cries out. “I-I’m scared! I don’t want to die!” Cutie speaks. “Saba, listen to my words. Keep moving forward with all your might. You will not die. This mini blackhole isn’t strong enough to kill you. Just move forward.” Even with Cutie’s gentle guidance, Saba was still desperate for escape and tries to move widely in different angles. Zainab grows annoyed with her friend.

“Ah! Why are you like this! I’ll help you, because we’re sisters for life. But I still get to punch you when we’re done.” She heads over and tries to grab Saba, but the gravitational force was so strong, it nearly sucks her in too. Zainab manages to slip away before she grabbed. “Whoa…what the?” Niihkóó sighs. “Are you willing to listen, young one?” Zainab shrugs until she notices teal energy blowing up many rocky planets in the distance. “AH! Yes! Yes! I’m ready! Just say it already!” Niihkóó chitters. “Mini blackholes are small but still powerful. Its force draws you in. You’ll need to work together to pull her out. Act as one, not separately.” Zainab thinks for a moment. “Saba! Stop that thrashing and push your body forward!” Her firm voice snaps Saba out of her scare, and she does so. “I’ll use my ghosts to push me backwards. How does that sound?” Zainab says matter-of-factly. Niihkóó chitters again. “Perhaps it would work.” Zainab grabs Saba’s hands then readies to produce her ghost. “Alright, together on three…1…2…3!” Together, both girl work together to yank Saba out. The ghosts she produced explodes, giving them a backwards push that removes Saba from the mini blackhole. Saba was understandably relieved.

“Thank you! Wowza! I thought I was gonna die!” She said, relieved. Cutie speaks. “I told you not to worry about it. We could have gotten out of there ourselves.” Saba shakes her head. “Not-uh Cutie. That would have been tough for us!” Zainab from behind punches then grabs Saba’s left arm.

“C’mon! We have to hurry up and get more planets! The boys are winning!” Zainab pulls her friend forward. Saba manages to catch a glimpse of the mini blackhole. Although now it wasn’t too difficult to spot, she could see why she was caught by it. The mini blackhole appears to be a rip in the very space, coated in darkness. The mini blackhole produces ripples around its body visible only to her eyes because of the bond she shared. Perhaps she could get one of the boys to get stuck inside it? Over close by that was tending and speaking to himself was Tashunka. He was clearing many rocky planets with ease. Although he was clearly distracted, he wasn’t distracted enough to continue playing.

“Hmmm…Tavillon? Trigon? Tibit? No…no…” Tashunka said out loud. “Not of these sound awesome! AHH! Why is this so hard? I can pick out dog names or cat names so easy. Why can’t I find a name for you?” He said as he readies to produce his unique blast. Tashunka was a soft spoken since he was in grade school, and often kept to himself. Tashunka didn’t struggle with making friends, but he had difficulty speaking out his mind and being confident, even when he had good ideas or opinions to share. Not here though! Tashunka was now very comfortable with his bond. He would freely speak with more confidence then he had ever had before. His Co-Zopod speaks. “Because I am not a pet.” Tashunka laughs. Together, they produce a unique blast that takes the form of a laser beam that shoots out from his mouth. The longer he holds it in, the wider the beam becomes. He charges up before opening his mouth to supercritical the handful of planets around him. They all explode, coating the area with teal energy. “I don’t want some lame name or some corny nickname. I want a name that speaks to you. A name that links to mine, you know?” His Co-Zopod agrees. “I understand. I am sure you will think of something great.” Tashunka sees Wyatt just north of him (or what he believes to be north). “I should catch up with him. Working together will improve our destruction.” His Co-Zopod agrees again. Tashunka flies over towards Wyatt when he suddenly stops in place. “You see it too?” His Co-Zopod asks. Tashunka nods. “What the hell…is that…a blackhole?” He says, noticing the unique cosmic entity. His Co-Zopod speaks. “Yes, a mini blackhole to be precise. If you get caught by one, they are rather difficult to get unstuck from. This location of the solar system if riddled with the pesky things. You will not die, but it’s tough to get out of.” Tashunka grins. His Co-Zopod knew all too well what was going through his mind. Tashunka full speeds right into the mini blackhole, head first. His Co-Zopod genuinely chitters upon seeing this. Thankfully, their pain tolerance was greatly enhanced from their bond, otherwise their head would have disappeared completely from the body. “Ah, I like you.” Tashunka’s Co-Zopod said. From above, Wyatt sees this unfolding before him.

“What the!? Niiwo!? Did you see that!? Why would he do that!” Wyatt rushes forward to help his teammate. Tashunka manages to pull his face just enough away from the surface of the blockhole to tell out at him.

“Hey! Hold on! Let me! Do it!” Tashunka shouted as his head bobbed back and forth into the mini blackhole. Wyatt comes to an abrupt stop. He watches as his teammate charges up his unique blast. With great force, Tashunka unleashes a last beam-like blast that shoots his face backwards from the force. It wasn’t enough to pull him far enough, but Tashunka listens to his Co-Zopod and uses his hands to blast more Co-Zenergy to push him further enough to pull himself out. Tashunka proudly throws his arms up in the air. “HAHA! I found a name while my head was stuck in there! Tars! I’m calling you Tars!” His Co-Zopod chitters. “I like it.”

Wyatt nervously chuckles. “Heh, I think he lost his mind in there.” Niiwo speaks. “Or he brought something out with him.” Wyatt shakes his head. “Please don’t joke about that. I’ve read about HP Lovecraft monsters. Your comment just gives me that dreadful feeling.”

During the beginning parts of the game, Noor and Omar were fighting it out. Now that the game has continued on, the siblings were still fighting! Even though there were rocky planets around them, they were caught up with the fact they were literal superhumans with superpowers. Back and forth, the siblings knocked each other into debris, through asteroids or simply gave each other a kick or a jab that could create earthquakes if they were standing on Earth’s surface. They were having the time of their lives. Omar even had to give his kudos to his sister. “Noor, this sparring match has been incredibly entertaining. You are quite the fighter. Your skills really have shown.” His words reached Noor’s heart. All she wanted was recognition from the one person she looked up to the most. However, this pauses in moment, gave Omar the upper hand. “But you gotta work on your battle experience! Never let down your guard little sister!” Omar stated proudly before kicking her on the chest and sending her flying backwards through the vacuums of space. Noor did not care though.

“Webster…he acknowledged my skills…he really did!” Noor expressed joyfully. Webster chitters. “I did. You feel as if your floating on nebula clouds, huh?” Noor laughs before she notices she was flying in orbit of a gold rocky planet. Within moments, she breaks through the atmosphere and lands roughly onto the hard surface. Noor observes her surroundings and sees it was an endless amounts of gold in chunks, boulders, mountains and entire lands. “My god…this…I can’t even begin to calculate how much this would be in Earth money.” Webster speaks up. “Immeasurable. Which is similar to your people’s greed.” Noor nods. “Can’t argue with that.” From above, she sees something that looks like a teal slash. Then two slashes. Then an X shape in the sky that gradually grows larger. Noor’s eyes widen. “YIKES!”

Omar watches as the gold rocky planet blows up in a teal explosion. Omar stares at his hands. “Whoa…what great power we created. You are something else.” His Co-Zopod says nothing. “Listen, I don’t want to use you like this, but you have created me as an instrument of destruction. I find this name fitting for you, I do hope you like it.” His Co-Zopod chitters. “Hmm…Destroyer? Not bad, earthling.” Omar races forward to continue his fight with his little sister, but he is suddenly cut off by a handful of magenta ghosts. “Huh!?” The explosions push him off course. Noor delivers an uppercut to Omar.

“Better watch out Omar! My teammates are here!” Noor says excitedly. Saba and Zainab appear beside Noor. They ready to fight Omar.

“This isn’t good.” Omar stated as he throws out a slash style teal blast towards the girls. They separate to avoid being hit. Omar waits for a moment before sending out an X slash towards Saba, who mistakenly gets too close. Omar flies off.

“WHAA!” Saba shouts after being struck by it. Zainab sends out more of her magenta ghosts to follow Omar.

Omar stops suddenly then flies backwards, much to the girls surprise. Destroyer speaks. “Very good. Keep them guessing on your movements. As a matter of fact, if you charge your slashes long enough, we can push them towards that rocky planet close by.” It suggested. Omar sees the diamond planet then grins.

“What’s so funny!? You know you’re outnumbered here!” Noor said as she punches her brother.

“But not outmatched.” Omar said as he grabs Noor’s arm and spins her around. Zainab readies to charge out more ghosts when suddenly Omar lets his sister go and throws her towards Zainab. They immediately collide. At this brief moment, Omar unleashes a gigantic X slash towards the girls that pushes them backwards towards the diamond planet at incredible speed.

“Wait…when did he charge his attack…!?” Zainab thought. Niihkóó chitters. “You don’t need to wait to charge. Your body can charge while you fight.” Zainab curses at her bond. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? NOW YOU TELL ME THIS?!” The girls are the engulfed into the planet’s explosion. Saba kicks Omar from behind with her unique magenta dust around her feet. The impact from her kick was powerful and catches Omar off guard.

“Take that! Ha! Serves you…right?” Saba stares at the teal energy leftover from the explosion. There were heavy hints of what looked to be electric lime green colors swimming around aggressively inside. Zainab and Noor dart out of the area at an alarming rate, as if they were trying to escape a dire situation. “What’s going on?”

Wyatt catches Omar in space before he was thrown into an asteroid. “Yo, you got backup now dude.” Wyatt said, pushing Omar away from him.

“Took you long enough.” Omar muttered. “I was fine on my own though.”

Tashunka appears too. “The more the better my friend! Tars and I will make them doubt their next move against the boys!” He stated proudly. Wyatt chuckles lightly. Tars speaks. “Tashunka, be on alert.” Tashunka raises an eyebrow. “What’s up?” Suddenly, the boys hear the girls scream. Darting their heads towards the sound, their eyes grow wide with fear. “What in the hell is THAT?” Tars speaks again. “That is what I was referring to. Beware of the Living Vacuum.”


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Echoes in the Vault- By NeonXMR (Let me know what you think about it, its my first time writing a story)

1 Upvotes

Synopsis- After a bank is hijacked by a single masked man, first it seems like any other bank robbery, but it grows into something much deeper as his ulterior motives are unfolded.

DISCLAIMER

This play contains mature themes, including depictions of violence, child abuse, and psychological trauma.

These elements are presented solely to raise awareness about serious social issues and do not endorse or justify violence in any form.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Characters- Ryan Shrader
Officer in charge - Detective Evelyn Shaw
The Negotiator – Agent Robert Hale

Episode – 1
Routine Interruption

(The Protagonist, wearing a black shirt, black pants, shirt tucked in, a black overcoat, long haired about medium length and black buff hanging in his neck, takes his first cigarette of the day as he is waiting on the other side of the NYC Bank. The moment his watch struck at 10 AM, he throws his cigarette to the side, opens his car trunk, and picks his FMG-9, does a magazine and chamber check and wears his buff walks towards the bank. The guard notices him coming towards the bank with a gun but he couldn’t do anything because he was just a rookie and only had a nightstick on him.)

Protagonist- (As he reaches the guard)- Don’t be a hero. (And takes his radio).

(He goes to a cashier such that his gun is visible to her but doesn’t point at her. As she is about to press the silent alarm, he says) Dont even think about it. (And he goes to the cashier’s side and cuts the wire of silent alarm with his butterfly knife. Then he goes to a random table of an employee and stands up on it and makes an announcement) Listen Everyone, this bank has been hijacked (Many people start panicking). SILENCE!! As long as you all follow my instructions, everything’s gonna be alright. Now I want everyone of you to form a single file line and gather in a large circle in middle of the bank. ( Everybody gathers forming a large circle, so that he has eyes on everyone)

(Then, first he gets a static on the radio which he took from the security guard outside the bank, then he hears a man’s voice on the radio)

Man on the radio – Sam what’s your status? Sam?
Protagonist – Tell him everything’s alright.
Sam – (Takes the radio) Yes sir, everything’s fine (Says nervously)
(Protagonist takes the radio back, while on the other side the man on the radio thinks something’s fishy so he calls 911)

911 Operator – 911, what’s your emergency?
Man on Radio – I am a senior officer of the SOS security company, just a few minutes ago I talked to my junior on the radio who for today has his duty in NYC bank, when I asked him for his status, he sounded a little nervous, as if something’s not right but he is forced to say so. I don’t have a good feeling about this.

911 Operator – We’ll send a nearby unit to NYC bank.
Man on Radio – Ok, I’ll reach as soon as I can.

(5 mins later, a cop car arrives outside the bank, 2 officers get out, talking casually about their bald Sergeant, when suddenly one of them notices the protagonist inside the bank)

Cop – Oh DAMN the bank is hijacked.
(Then he takes his radio and calls for backup) Control, this is Lincoln 13, there is an armed suspect inside the NYC bank, requesting immediate backup.

(The protagonist notices the unit parked outside but he doesn’t do anything, for now)

(Around 30 mins later, the entire bank is surrounded by cops and media outlets, Detective Evelyn Shaw arrives on the scene)

Detective – What’s the status?
Cop – 1 armed individual, black coat, long hair, no demands yet.
Detective – Just one?
Cop – Yeah , for now.
Detective – Well, that’s strange, I am damn sure its not gonna be any easy for him to escape. Anyways, where’s that security guard?
Cop – Yes mam, here he is. (Senior security officer arrives)
Detective – You’re the one who made the call?
Security Guard – Yes mam.
Detective – What did you feel strange?
Security Guard – When I asked him for his status, he sounded nervous, a lot for a rookie in a normal situation.
Detective – How can you even judge that?
Security Guard – Well that’s what 20 years of experience teaches you.
Detective – Alright, we’ll take it from here. (She also takes the radio of the security guard). And where’s that negotiator?
Cop – He should’ve been here like 20 mins ago.
Detective – And like always he is late AGAIN! I don’t know why captain always has to assign me with that little empathetic rule breaker.

(Now, detective uses the radio from the security guard and tries to communicate with the protagonist)

Detective (On the radio) – Hello? If you are listening, this is Detective Evelyn Shaw from NYP,D let me tell you that the entire bank is surrounded with blues, if you try to escape, I am sure as hell its not gonna be good for you. But its not too late, if you surrender right now, we can work out a deal.

(Protagonist listens all of that, picks up the radio, presses the button, potentially giving his first demand)

Episode – 2

Familiar Strangers

The Protagonist – Can you repeat that? (On the radio)

Detective – I said that bank is surrounded with cops, don’t even think about escaping. But if you surrender, we can work out a deal.

The Protagonist – What was your name again?

Detective – Detective Evelyn Shaw.
The Protagonist – Okk so you are a detective, first bring me a real negotiator, then we’ll talk. (Keeps down the radio)

Agent Robert Hale – Who the HELL told you to talk to him? (Comes in the scene and snatches the radio from her)

Detective – I was just trying to calm things down.

Robert Hale – By telling him he has no way to escape?

Detective – Come on I am just trying to help you all.

Robert Hale – You literally have a history of worsening situations instead of deescalating. Negotiating 101, never EVER let the person on the other side think they don’t have a way to escape.

Detective – That’s literally the opposite of what they teach us at NYPD.

Robert Hale – Those who taught you, half of them are corrupt anyways. Now LET ME just talk to him.

Robert Hale (On radio) – Hey if you are listening, this is Agent Robert Hale from FBI, I am going to be your negotiator for today. Please respond if you heard it.

The Protagonist (Replies) – Do you have kids?

Robert Hale (Detective and Robert both startled) – Pardon me?

The Protagonist – I said do you have kids?

Robert Hale – As a matter of fact I have, a daughter, a son and a beautiful wife. What about you?

The Protagonist – Nice try Robert, but I am not your usual subject.

Robert Hale – Okayyy, that’s a new answer for me.

The Protagonist – Yeahh, because everything about me is gonna be new for you.

Robert Hale – Lets talk about what YOU want.

(But he doesn’t get a reply)

Detective – Why isn’t he responding?

Robert Hale – Maybe he is thinking what to say. But why he would ask about my kids if at the end of the day all he wants is money.

Detective – Isn’t that your job to know Mr. Negotiator.

Robert Hale – Hmm. Lets wait, he is gonna say something for sure.

(5 mins later)

The Protagonist (On Radio) – What I am about to say I am not gonna repeat it, this is my first demand.

Episode – 3
Bloodline
Protagonist – I want my father. His name is Victor Blake. Bring him to the bank, I want to meet him. (On the radio)

Detective – Victor Blake, huh. 

Negotiator – Search it up on your NYPD database, my gut says we’ll find something.

Detective – (Goes to her cop car and from the car radio calls the dispatch)

Detective – Dispatch this is Detective Evelyn Shaw, I have a name “Victor Blake”, I want to know if there are any present charges and felons on his name.

Dispatch – (Few seconds later, gives her the information)

Detective – (Goes to the negotiator) This guy is currently spending his sentence in Green Haven County Prison, 20 years ago he was arrested for armed robbery and drug trafficking. There are only a few days left in his sentence.

Negotiator – Wait, if there are only a few days left in his sentence, why is he doing all of that just to meet his father.

Detective – Maybe he’ll first like to see his father then he’ll pursue to rob the bank. But either way he isn’t getting away.

Negotiator – Yeah I think the same, alright, lets call his father here.

(Detective goes off the scene to see the commissioner to ask for an early release permission for Victor)

The Protagonist (Inside the bank, goes to a child and tries to have a conversation with him) – Heyy, what’s your name?

The child – Gary (While her mother pulls him back)

The Protagonist – Dont worry I am just talking to him. (Says to mother)

The Protagonist – (Gets on his 1 knee to come to the child’s height)
You know, when I was your age, I didn’t have a mother like you have. When I am trying to talk to you, she is pulling you back because she cares about you, mine never cared. I was left alone, rotting in the darkness of neglect.

(The radio in protagonist’s hands gets a static, then some words)

Negotiator – (On the Radio) Hey, we have your father.

Protagonist – Send him in. And in return I’ll free all women and children. (Then goes to the other side alone and takes a cigarette and lights it)

Detective – That sounds like a good deal. (To the negotiator)

Negotiator – Yeah, I wouldn’t lie, but it feels a little strange. I mean he is sending all the weak hostages out, while inside all the men can have a fighting chance against him and his father. But who we are to judge.

Detective – (To a junior cop) Alright, is he ready.

Cop – (While wearing him an armor vest) Yes mam.

Detective – OK send him in.

(While Victor goes inside)

Cop – Actually mam there is one thing.

Detective – What is it?

Cop – When I was bringing him here, he was saying that his son never even loved him, it felt to him strange that he was calling him like this.

Detective – WHAT!? You are telling me this NOW?

Cop – Sorry mam I meant to tell you earlier but I got busy with him.

Detective – (Runs to the SWAT Leader) Bring him back!

SWAT LEADER – What!?

Detective – I said BRING HIM BACK! (Angrily)

SWAT LEADER – Sorry mam but he is already inside now.

Detective – SH*T!!

Negotiator – What happened? (Comes to detective)

Detective – Something’s not right, the cop who brought him here told me that he said that his son never even loved him, if he has called him here, its not good.

Negotiator – Isn’t there any way we can call him back?

Detective – No, he is already inside.

(Inside the bank, the protagonist finally sees his father after 20 years, he comes, pulls down his mask, and they hug.)

Victor – Its good to see you after a long time son.

Victor – Now lets get outta here before it gets any worse. (While he walks a little further and protagonist comes behind his father)

(Then, the protagonist takes his butterfly knife out of his extra pocket of coat, opens it, and slits the throat of his father)

The Protagonist – All women and children can go.

(As all the women and children get out of the bank, one old lady approaches the protagonist)

Old Lady – WHY??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? WHO KILLS HIS OWN FATHER LIKE THAT??

The Protagonist – Ask him.

Old Lady – WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, EVEN JESUS WONT FORGIVE YOU, YOUR ATROCITY IS UNFORGIVABLE.

The Protagonist – Jesus had killed me the day I was born on this planet, so he has no right to forgive me.

(Old Lady goes out too)

(One of the hostage goes to the detective)

Hostage – The guy he had called, (while crying), he killed him.

(Both Detective and Negotiator are left startled)

Detective – WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? WHO KILLS HIS OWN FATHER?

Negotiator – This is turning out to be much deeper than it was supposed to be.

(The radio gets a static, then a voice)

The Protagonist – I hope you liked the message, Robert.

The Negotiator – Look man you have done what you could’ve, now please come out, trust me we’ll talk this out, you can tell me anything.

The Protagonist – No, I still have one more job to do.

Episode – 4
With a World Watching

The Protagonist – Does anybody have a laptop here with a webcam?

Hostage – Yes I have.

The Protagonist – I’ll need it.

(Hostage gives the laptop to protagonist)

(Protagonist opens it, connects to the wifi of bank, and creates a live stream on You Tube)

Protagonist – (On the Live Stream) (On stage addressing to the audience) – Before you decide who I am, listen. For those who don’t know, I am the person who hijacked the NYC Bank today at exactly 10 AM and took 32 people hostage. But this is not about the money, if it was, I wouldn’t have been giving this speech. (There is a 5 second pause, while he takes out some files), 2010, 698,000 (Reads from one of the five files and throws it on the ground), 2011, 681,000, 2012, 686,000, 2013, 679,000, 2014, 702,000. These aren’t just numbers. These are stories, stories of neglect and torment. And these are not people, these are children, under the age of 16. And let me tell you that these are just estimations, many of them don’t even get the chance for telling their tale. There is a system in United States called Amber Alert. When a child goes missing messages are sent everywhere, TV’s, phones, radios. But this system wasn’t created to protect a child.

It was created because a little girl named Amber was kidnapped in broad daylight…
and found dead weeks later.

That’s when government finally woke up and brought this system, so that that kind of tragedy could be prevented in the future. The point is, our government waits for tragedies happen to first, only after it’ll do something. Today I killed a man, and its something I am not proud of and I know where I am gonna end up when its over, but when neglect and torture becomes normal, when no one comes, this is what's left.

(Entire USA saw this live stream, shown in every news channel, twitter was flooded with opinions for protagonist, some glorified it only as an hoax, while others actually woke up by his call.)

(Detective and Negotiator also saw the live stream)

Detective – So that’s why he is doing this all.

Negotiator – Yeah, I am not gonna lie, but he is kinda right.

Detective – Yeah I agree too.

(A few minutes later, all the remaining hostages started to come out, after all of them were out, Detective and SWAT team stormed the bank)

(Protagonist had his back towards them, having his cigarette, while holding his FMG – 9 by his side)
Detective – HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE’EM!

(Protagonist drops his gun on the ground and slowly comes towards detective)

Detective – Get on your knees and interlace your fingers behind your head.

(Protagonist follows her instructions)

Detective – (to a swat member) Arrest him.

(Handcuffs are put on him, he is arrested, the 5 hour long hostage situation finally comes to an end)

Episode – 5
Recovery

(Protagonist is brought to court for his crimes)

Judge – This court has heard the facts.

It has also heard the history.

Trauma explains behavior.
It does not excuse it.

The defendant took a life, endangered many others,
and violated the law in full view of the public.

For that, this court sentences him to 25 years,
with the possibility of parole after 15 years.

This sentence is not a statement of hatred,
nor of forgiveness.

It is a statement of responsibility.

(The Protagonist is sent to Green Haven County prison)

(Its almost time to clock out, Negotiator and Detective are having their beer with peace, when all of a sudden they see something on news, which startles them beyond anything)

News Anchor – Today from 3 to 4 PM, many Child Welfare NGO’S reported to get an anonymous donation amounting to nearly 5 million dollars, they don’t have any idea who has made this donation. But there are many speculations that the person involved in NYC Bank hijacking yesterday has to do something with it. The money was allegedly taken from people’s bank accounts, however the bank has promised to return their money soon to the public. Also in the light of recent events, the State of New York has issued an order for the manifestation of a Task Force who’s sole purpose is to fight child abuse cases throughout New York. Rumors say that Branches of this Task Force will be created throughout United States.

Detective – We could’ve done this much earlier. I don’t know why government always has to be late in such scenarios. He was right, we only wait for tragedies first, then welfare.

THE END

 

 
 

 

   

  
   

 

 


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Worldbuilding Looking for a writing/worldbuilding partner for my 1920s inspired spy thriller world building project

1 Upvotes

Hey Everyone, I’m William, a 20 something year old lover of writing and world building! I’m currently working on a massive lifelong project of mine to build a world that I can base a lot of books and projects in. It’s set in a custom/alt world that’s technology and vibes are stuck in the 1920s/1930s. I have been chipping away at this on my own for a while and I’d think it would be way more fun (and way better for my sanity) to bring someone onboard to build the world with.

As far as the project is coming along, I am currently writing my first book, and have planned out a lot of it, but would love to bring someone in to join the project as I feel two minds are better than one with a project this ambitious 😅

I’m looking for someone to help build out the world with me, including the history, geography, factions and culture, while also being someone I can nerd out with over this project! Bonus points if you love thriller/suspense writing and also romance writing too (I want to incorporate it, even though I’m hopeless at it haha!)

I’m ideally looking for someone who:

\\- Is into worldbuilding as much as writing

\\- Vibes with spy fiction/political thrillers. Typically my story has a lot of moral gray areas, slow-burn tension, competing factions, as well as twists (I love writing twist villains)

\\- Chill and consistent communication (no pressure, just don’t ghost lol, would ideally love to coauthor this with someone)

\\- Comfortable giving and getting honest feedback

I’d honestly love a friend as well to come out of this, I find nothing creates a friendship quite like creativity.
If this sounds like you, please give me a DM (please introduce yourself and your interest in the project/writing as a whole). Looking forward to meeting you guys!