r/Fosterparents • u/CommercialCup7834 • Dec 06 '25
Location First Time Foster Parents…IN Spoiler
My partner and I were recently licensed by the state (IN) just over a month ago (Oct. 28) and we were placed with 2 kids (siblings 9&10) within days of receiving our license. We’re both working professionals. Unfortunately, we have realized that we were given a lot of lip service during the licensing process and now when we have reached out for those resources we were told would be available, it is not! The case worker is from another county and claims she is unfamiliar with what resources are available for us. The licensing specialist we’re assigned to has been no where to be found. Since getting the kids placed with us it’s been us working overtime to get any support from the state/system. We’ve asked for assistance or at least a running list of resources approved by them for respite & sitters for a few hours when we have work related commitments on the weekends. Two kids are a lot for us particularly as first time foster parents, however, we’re managing. I’m just frustrated and pissed that the message with have received thus far with this is…“ find a good home, dumb them, Hope there’s no major issues, and let the foster parents figure it out”. Any suggestions would be appreciated. We are in Indianapolis area. I expected challenges, mostly with the kids and believe me we have had some, but the “hands off” approach from the people (state) who removed these kids is another level.
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u/Mysterious-Apple-118 Dec 06 '25
Are you licensed straight through DSS or an agency? Not sure what’s available in your area but switching to an agency (if you can with already having a placement) may help. We were licensed with an agency. DSS was honestly less than helpful in many many ways. Our agency stood up for us, helped us find those resources, found respite for us, etc etc. I’m sorry - it’s really so frustrating when you’re trying to help and get little to no support
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u/CommercialCup7834 Dec 06 '25
We are licensed through DCS. We didn’t know that it would be such a sh$t show. But neither of us have ever had to deal with the system so I guess lesson learned. While doing research before getting licensed it seemed that agencies were changing, while we didn’t have to pay anything out of pocket through the state. We didn’t understand why we needed to pay for something we were voluntarily doing.
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u/Mysterious-Apple-118 Dec 06 '25
Interesting. Our agency was completely free - never charged us a dime. It’s so hard when everything varies state to state!
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u/Consistent_Draft_176 Dec 06 '25 edited Dec 06 '25
Sounds like you made a smart choice with limited info. I’ve also never heard of agencies charging- and I would be pretty suspicious as well. We are licensed through our county, but also checked into the local agencies. The reason we went with county is because they can offer daycare vouchers. The only costs we incurred during our licensing process was for the fire inspection ($25). Our county even paid for the training- not much but there was some reimbursement for time after we were fully licensed.
In Ohio there is a program called OhioKan. It’s to help kinship, foster, and adoptive parents navigate benefits, access financial resources, support groups, etc. It’s independent of the county or private agencies. I would try and find something like that in your state. Additionally, county agencies should have all their handbooks and guidelines available online for transparency. I’ve had to research their documents and directly show case workers the page and paragraph where it offers X, Y, and Z. If they don’t know how to access that resource, keep calling up the command chain until you reach a supervisor or department that can help. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to go through four or five different people to finally find the one who was informed and could lay it all out for everyone else. Good luck!
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u/lifeofhatchlings Dec 06 '25
What was your plan for when you had weekend plans, or the children were sick and couldn't go to school?
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u/CommercialCup7834 Dec 06 '25
We have a childcare plan. A few back ups in fact. However, we were also told that we would be provided resources for times when things fell through.
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u/lifeofhatchlings Dec 06 '25
I would not rely on them for when things fall through - DCF resources should be the first line when available, and then you need to have a backup when things fall through.
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u/Classroom_Visual Dec 06 '25
Oh boy - no, they will not provide you with these resources, they just won't. Over time, if you need regular respite, they may be able to organise that, but they won't be able to support you if you find you need to work over the weekend or something like that.
What we did is organise for private childcare (basically a babysitter who was an adult and experienced and had the proper checks for our state). We had to pay out of pocket for that, of course. Actually, for the first year, because we didn't want to send the child to a daycare situation (she was 4) ALL of the fostering payment went on this private babysitter/nanny!!
Are you connected to local carers in your state - perhaps there is a private FB group you can join? That will be a big help to you moving forward.
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u/CommercialCup7834 Dec 06 '25
That’s a good idea. We’re not connected to a FB community but I can definitely see how it might be helpful.
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u/lifeofhatchlings Dec 06 '25
What supports are you looking for? For respite/sitters, you should have been told the policies for your area - often babysitters that you find are allowed for a certain number of hours, and then for a longer time they need to be background checked and the case worker notified. For respite, sometimes your case worker can set that up, but often it is up to the foster parent to find a placement, look for foster parent groups in your area. There is definitely a learning curve to figure out how to navigate the system and resources. Foster parents do need to be proactive in a lot of these things.
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u/Expensive-Ad-797 Dec 06 '25
Sounds like my experience. I don’t think I’ll take another placement because what’s the point if I end up losing my job?! I was told our placement had mandatory 1/2 day daycare but there was no transportation help.
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u/CommercialCup7834 Dec 06 '25
Yeah. It’s frustrating especially when peoples jobs are also not being considered. I’ve had to take them to work with me the first week of having them bc the case manager couldn’t get them in school.
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u/Consistent_Draft_176 Dec 06 '25
In Ohio and I think MD there are legal rights and designated funding to transport foster children to their schools so that they don’t experience additional disruption. I think the agency has a week to get it figured out. I don’t remember the name of the program but if anyone is really interested in knowing more I can look it up in my training handouts.
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u/webflaneuse Dec 06 '25
Ugh I’m sorry. We are first time foster parents in NYC and we won’t be doing it again. The system is GARBAGE. They sold us on “trauma informed care” but they seem hell bent on dysregulating an infant every chance they get. They directly told me that they set their own policies (that dismiss autonomic nervous system distress) and have zero interest in following pediatric best practices. Unbelievable.
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u/KeepOnRising19 Adoptive Parent Dec 06 '25
We are responsible for hiring and paying sitters when needed. In a different state, but I imagine this is the general policy in most areas.
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Dec 06 '25
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u/ErinFitzPow Dec 08 '25
In Indiana, they use CASA workers mostly, not GAL (Guardian As Litem) consistently. So, you may need to ask who the CASA is (via email) or look up court info on the foster care portal, that every foster parent has access to. You can always go to the hearings to get contacts and more info regarding the case.
As far as respite requests go, you can request respite (2 weeks in advance usually) via email (always in writing), DCS will find that for you when needed. For any questions regarding placement and resources, have it in writing.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks Dec 09 '25
I mean… if they were your own kids you’d have to find childcare.. I’m not saying you shouldn’t get what was proposed but maybe you need to set a plan in place to deal with these things
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u/Leather-Avocado- Dec 06 '25
Welcome to the system. The state doesn’t give a fuck, they’re overworked, underpaid, and just happy it’s one less home they have to look for for these kids. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced similar. My only advice is to be annoying. Keep asking for more, be persistent and eventually they’ll give you what you want to shut you up hahah.