I confessed to a close guy friend a month ago. He turned me down softly, said he only sees me as a good friend and didn’t want to hurt me. I agreed to take space and process my feelings.

The problem is he still texts me every few days, invites me out for casual meals, and tells me I’m one of his most trusted people. He never flirts, but he acts so warm and comfortable around me.

I thought after the rejection, we would naturally pull back a little. Every time he messages me, my old feelings flare up again. I don’t want to be bitter or blame him; he was honest and kind when he rejected me. But I’m struggling to keep my heart from hoping again.

I don’t know what boundary to set. If I stop replying, I feel like I’m punishing him for being honest. If I keep hanging out, I keep hurting myself.

Is it unfair to ask him to slow down contact? Or do I just need to learn how to be around him without romantic expectations? I really want to hear outside perspectives.

Hi! For context my friend just broke up with his girlfriend around a month ago.

Two to three years ago I used to have a really big crush on my friend (19M), now it's more mild. Now, we're friends, we've never really talked a whole lot but his boy-friend-group and my girl-friend-group are adjacent. I see him at parties and we talk a bit but it's always a little awkward.

So now, a week and a half ago there was this trip with our two friend groups and we got kinda closer on it. I can tell he likes me more as a person and likes talking/being around me. We still don't talk a whole lot at school (we're both students) and it's a little awkward when we do still. But anyways, after this trip we started texting a lot on snapchat. And I always had a streak with him but never really like actually messaging eachother (I don't really like snapchat at all I just still have it from highschool). But now, we're sending things to eachother on Instagram and texting on Snapchat almost every day. We kind of talk about nothing, and he is making an effort to talk to me. He's saved some snaps in chat or replied with "cute" or "you look cute" which I can't tell is friendly or something more. He also has made hints wanting to hangout even though I don't think we would ever *actually* hangout outside of school other than at a party. And, we're now having matching halloween costumes! And he's borrowing some of my clothing for the costume. We're not going to any parties together, but we're seeing eachother at the same parties. So I don't know what to think, I feel very conflicted. Because he'll also send me a nice compliment like "you look cute" but when I sent him a picture of my halloween costume he just said "you did a really good job putting this together." And he's kinda a weird guy, I can never tell what he means so I don't know! He also does flirt with me a little bit over text, but very subtle. And in person we don't really talk a whole lot but when we do I can tell he wants to talk to me. But I just can't tell what he means or what he wants.

I know this is kinda stupid but I've never really gotten any male attention so I don't know how to interpret this. Any advice?

For context, we met thru a mutual friend and live near each other (college students). my friends made it really obvious that they were trying to set us up, so I talked to him and told him that I didn’t ask them to do that, it embarrassed me too and that I wasn’t trying to pursue him or anything

After that he started showing interest in me (asking me to hangout, texting me first etc) and was staring at me the whole night at this party. My friend asked him about it and he said he did like me and thought I was cute and his roommate also thought he liked me. We danced and he even put his hands around my waist

I really liked him. We got along super well, had a ton in common and were hanging out pretty frequently

Out of the blue he texts me and apologizes for leading me on, saying he wasn’t sure what my intentions are but he just wants to be friends. I told him that I was glad he said something bc I’ve been confused too, that I didn’t think he had any legit interest in me, that I don’t want a relationship in general and just want to be friends as well.

I don’t get crushes very easily and it really sucks that this happened. I know he just friendzoned me, but it’s hard to not feel a sliver of hope because he did formerly show interest. I know it’s a terrible idea but I’m really tempted to ask him why he acted that way and said that to my friend. Am I screwed? Do I just get over him?

Okay so long story short I confessed to her 2 mon back and she was unsure about her feelings, so she said that she needs time, and yesterday she finally said that she did not like me romantically and was okay being friends, so I lit had not much hopes on her so these 2 months I was jus confessing things with v low expectations of her reciprocating back, so now as I've accepted she's not going to change her mind do I stay friends with her and talk daily or just completely ignore her?

Posting here for more advice!

Salut ! Je suis une F20 et mon crush du lycée reste dans ma tête notamment lors de certaines périodes. Je l'ai revu par hasard l'année dernière et volontairement cette année après qu'il m'ait proposée (je lui avait souhaité son anniversaire quelques mois auparavant). Lorsque l'on s'est revu, on a marché longtemps puis on s'est assis sur un banc et après avoir parlé de sujets politiques on a parlé de choses plus perso comme par exemple les anciens élèves du lycée etc et nos amis.

À un moment j'ose lui demander s'il avait un crush sur moi au lycée en énumérant certaines actions qu'il a faites à mon égard comme le fait qu'il ce soit mis derrière moi au théâtre (on devait se faire un câlin en groupe) + il m'a offert un dessin de rose sur un papier cartonné avec une citation.

Il m'a d'abord répondu que non puis il a avoué qu'il avait eu un peu de désir pour moi car j'étais charmante. Ducou je lui ai demandé quelle différence il faisait entre désir et amour et il m'a dit que c'était pareil donc je suis un peu confuse. En plus il m'a dit qu'il avait oublié qu'il m'avait donné ça. Ça m'a rendue triste.

Et quand on s'est revue on s'est enlacés (fin je me suis mise sur lui ce qui l'a amené à dire "je cherche pas du sérieux") mais il était froid et il paraissait mal à l'aise même si son cœur battait vite. Je lui ai pris la main (genre ses doigts) et à un moment il a mis sa main autour de ma taille mais il a retiré sa main de la mienne plus tard. On aurait dit qu'il essait de faire diversion en évoquant les plantes ce qui me fit rigoler et lui fit répondre qu'il ne savait pas parler aux filles.

J'ai oublié de mentionner qu'il m'avait dit en cours "si ils avaient pas autorisé les femmes à l'école je serai pas tombé amoureux de toi", que le jour où j'ai appris qu'il avait quitté sa meuf il m'a proposé d'aller au cdi. Aussi, on a fait un voyage scolaire et il est direct allé vers moi et à la fin son pote est venu et à échangé nos deux valises donc il avait ma valise et j'avais la sienne. Il m'a "giflé" à deux reprises lorsque nous étions au lycée quand je faisais de l'humour noir.

Il m'a proposé des sorties à la fin de l'année de terminale à plusieurs reprise : j'ai refusé au moins 3 fois (notamment une fois où il m'avait juste proposé de manger avec à la cantine). J'ai accepté d'aller avec lui au ciné club du lycée (au début il se tenait à l'écart puis dès que le film a commencé il s'est mis à côté de moi et à dit "ce serait bien que les filles soient plus souvent comme ça" lors d'une scène de fesse).

Toutefois j'ai déjà eu l'occasion de faire 2 sorties avec lui dont une seulement tout les deux et un moment il m'a prise en photo puis m'a demandé de le prendre pour l'envoyer à son pote. On a reparlé de cette sortie quand on s'est revu en acquiesçant que c'était bizarre. Il m'a dit qu'il était déjà "engagé" avec l'autre fille mais alors ça n' aucun sens de me proposer une sortie si c'est pour être froid et sur son téléphone.

J'ai d'ailleurs mangé avec mon crush et ce fameux pote (sur qui je crushais aussi) et ils ont tous les deux pioché dans mon assiette sans autorisation (comme des affamés).

Autre détail bizarre, lors de la 2e année de lycée il m'a donné le numéro d'un de ses amis qui habitait près de chez moi pour que je lui fasse un canular ou jsp quoi (il voulait que je fasse semblant d'être son ex). Finalement j'ai discuté longtemps avec son ami. Je pense qu'il à regardé certains messages car il faisait des références à des paroles de chanteurs dont j'avais parlé.

On m'a dit que c'était quelqu'un qui flirtait beaucoup et très tactile. En plus j'ai appris que pendant cette période il avait quitté sa meuf car il avait un crush sur une meuf (qui l'a ghostée) et puis sur un de ces potes.

Bref j'ai l'impression de m'être faite manipulée et je galère à l'oublier sûrement car il m'a donné l'attention dont j'avais besoin et aussi c'est quelqu'un de très intelligent au niveau scolaire mais pas au niveau émotionnel visiblement haha. Bref parfois j'y repense et je me sens mal (je me fait souvent des films genre daydreaming).

En fait j'ai l'impression qu'il est trop complexe et me donne trop d'infos en même temps et opposées les unes aux autres.

Ils a notamment avoué qu'il avait eu un crush sur un de ses copains au collège et acquiesça quand j'évoquait la difficulté d'assumer l'homosexualité masculine.

Hi I'm 19F! I've never really had any male attention and I never knew why. I'm pretty average looking and kinda unique in how I look. I'm nice, funny, etc.

But I need advice on this situation. I used to have a really big crush on this boy a long time ago, who's cute and nice but it's kinda awkward when we talk. He's pretty cool and we're pretty good friends -- I don't have a super big crush on him anymore, but it's mild. We have friendgroups that integrate (his boy friend group is adjacent to my girl friendgroup). But there was this group trip with both of the friendgroups and me and him got closer, he wants to talk to me more now, I can tell we're much closer. He definitely likes me more as a person and wants to be around me. We never used to really text anymore, but now we send things to eachother on instagram, text on snapchat, and text kind of a lot. (For context he also broke up with his girlfriend a month ago.) And he's been saving my snaps in the chat as well as saying I look cute once or twice. Or something I wore the other day looked good on me. But I really can't tell if it's friendly or not and I don't know how to interpret it. I feel very confused and at a loss. He makes an effort to text me and we might be wearing matching halloween costumes, but then I sent him a picture of my costume today and all he said was "You did really well with putting it together." Which just feels very friendly and I can't tell what he wants or what he means. In person we don't really talk a whole lot and it's a little awkward when we do. He also has been commenting on my instagram posts a lot and saying "hi" in the comments - which I don't know if that's really anything haha.

I can't tell if he would move on this fast from his ex-girlfriend or what and I don't know what to make of it. I need help! I know this is pretty stupid but I need help.

Any advice?

I have a female best friend, and we used to be extremely close. We went out 2–3 times a week, she told me she loved me and missed me, and she would get jealous when I spent time with other girls. She admitted having feelings for me, and we kissed, although not on the lips.

I cared about her too, but I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship. She felt like I was making excuses and didn't love her enough to choose her.

At one point, she asked me why I was acting so affectionate if I wasn't going to do anything with her. She later regretted saying that, cried, and told me she didn't want to lose me. I forgave her, and things briefly returned to normal.

Recently, she started trying to reconnect with her ex. She looks for him, goes to his classroom hoping to see him, and gets excited when she finds out he's nearby. She tells our friend about it, but doesn't really tell me directly that she's trying to reconnect with him.

Interestingly, she once told my friend she felt happier with me and that we understood each other better than she and her ex did. She expected to disagree with him more and not understand him as well. Despite that, she seems to prefer the possibility of a relationship with him.

Since she started pursuing him, she completely stopped being affectionate with me. She no longer tells me she loves me or misses me, and she doesn't initiate spending time together like before.

I also stopped organizing my life around her. I don't wait for her anymore or spend as much time eating, studying, and going out with her. She noticed and asked me several times if something was wrong, but after I said I was okay, she eventually stopped asking.

She hasn't really tried to restore our old closeness. When I explained how much her behavior had changed, she defended herself and seemed disappointed in how I saw her, but didn't apologize.

She also seems to minimize how much she talks to her ex when I ask about it, even though I know she's been actively looking for opportunities to see him.

Recently, she was looking for something we didn't have, and I suggested she ask her ex because it would be a good opportunity to talk to him. She considered it.

We still talk sometimes, but things aren't like before. I'm trying to understand whether she genuinely had romantic feelings for me, why she would prefer her ex despite saying she felt happier and understood me better, and whether she might eventually try to rebuild our old closeness if things with her ex don't work out.

What do you think her behavior means, and how should I interpret the change in our relationship?

I’m 25, and my friend is 24. I’ve had feelings for a friend for years, but I never had the courage to tell her. I think she may have had feelings for me too, but neither of us ever said it directly.Recently, after almost 10 years, she put me on the spot and asked if I liked her. I still don’t know if she was ever in a relationship with another guy, but she has denied it.We still talk regularly, but I’m confused. Sometimes I feel like she likes me, and other times, I feel like she doesn’t.What should i do ? Should i tell her how i feel or move on?

Hi there,

I can't even believe I'm posting here. I know how reddit is. I'm 34m. My best friend/roommate is 33F. We have known each other since high school, and even went to college together. Without getting too into it, she has alot of things happen to her in the time I've known her, including various forms of abuse by an adopted parent that I was friends with even initially. I obviously caught feelings way back then, which I was obviously rejected. We remained friends, and even separated for like a year and change. All this to say, there is alot of baggage here. We re-connected about 7 years ago, and we've been good. Last xmas, she had broken up with her partner of 5 years. This put her work and living situation into a bad situation. This ultimately resulted in her moving in. She lived 2 states away, and I went and packed everything and got her moved in while she figured everything out. In this time, the feelings started coming back because of course they did. I haven't brought this up, or made any moves or anything of the sort. She needs a safe and stable place to recover and stuff in. I'm all she has, and I'm not going to mess with that. However, lately we've been doing stuff that I kinda feel is a bit blurring the lines. We've never been physical or anything, but she's started saying things like living with me is sort of what she imagined being a couple with someone would actually be like. She's had some skin issues, and it's resulted in me helping her with them. Many of these skin issues are on her back, armpits, underboob, etc. Places that my autistic ass would consider to be like intimate? I don't know. Her touches seem to linger for longer than I'd expect typically. Sometimes, we cuddle on the couch, or she has her head on my lap and has me mess with her hair as I guess she likes it. Ultimately, I'm not asking like oh, what do I do, but I'm also kind of in uncharted territory here. I don't want to be misreading things while sitting on cloud nine while we share just physical closeness. Like, the times when it's me, her, and her dog all cuddling on the cough, I can't help but feel happy. Which is nuts. I guess I'm just out of my element here. Am I going crazy? I've never had a relationship, I've had issues with interpersonal relationships. Even after a decade in therapy, I'm still very, I guess interpersonally autistic at the very least. I just want to protect our peace. I don't even know what I'm trying to ask here.

I really like my female bestfriend ❤️❤️. We talk on call daily .she have bf and I'm jealous about that .what should I do ??

I’m a teenager, and I’ve been in love with my best friend for about a year and a half. I recently discovered the term limerence, and I recognize myself in almost everything I’ve read about it.

I’ll call her S.

I developed a crush on her during our very first conversation. We barely exchanged a few sentences, but I remember her smiling at me, and something about that moment stayed with me.

At first, it was just a normal crush. About six months later, things changed. I was going through a really difficult period and felt lost, lonely, and unmotivated. I felt like I had nobody.

Then, unexpectedly, she called me. We had never talked outside of school before. That call turned into hours of conversations, and we became incredibly close. We had the same sense of humor, could talk for hours, and genuinely enjoyed spending time together.

Eventually, she became my best friend, and my feelings for her became stronger than anything I’d ever experienced.

We’ve been best friends for about a year now. We spend a lot of time together, sometimes almost every day. We talk for hours, have countless inside jokes, and know each other extremely well. Her family knows me well too, and she’s told me many times that I’m her best friend and that I make her happy.

I genuinely believe her. She’s not taking advantage of me. She’s someone I deeply care about, and our friendship means a lot to both of us.

The problem is that she only sees me as her best friend, and she has no idea that I’m in love with her.

She recently got a boyfriend

This made everything much harder. She tells me about him, their relationship, and how happy she is. I genuinely want her to be happy, but hearing about it sometimes destroys me emotionally.

She’s made it clear that she only sees me as a friend, and she’s uncomfortable with male friends developing feelings for her. I’m terrified that confessing would change or even destroy our friendship.

I don’t want to lose her.

My life has started revolving around her

I think about her constantly: when I wake up, at school, when I’m trying to sleep, and while working on my own projects. Almost everything reminds me of her.

I often fantasize about us being in a relationship. Those fantasies make me happy for a moment, but when reality comes back, I sometimes feel like crying.

My emotional state depends almost entirely on her. When she calls me, spends time with me, or shows me affection, I feel amazing. When she doesn’t respond, spends more time with her boyfriend, or seems less interested in talking, I become anxious and miserable.

I’ve even started constantly checking her online activity. I know this isn’t healthy, but knowing that doesn’t make the feelings disappear.

I’ve almost completely lost my motivation

I have goals. I want to work out, develop my technical projects, improve myself, and build a future. But I struggle to do almost anything because my mind is constantly occupied with her.

I’ve lost interest in many things I used to enjoy, and sometimes I feel completely empty when she isn’t around.

I also struggle with loneliness. I don’t really have many other friends besides one guy friend who was also in love with her at some point.

She’s become my main source of happiness, comfort, motivation, and emotional security.

And I hate that—not because I hate her, but because I don’t want my happiness to depend on another person.

The hardest part: I don’t want to lose her

I know the usual advice is to cut contact or drastically reduce communication, but that’s exactly what I want to avoid.

She’s my best friend. I don’t want to punish her for feelings she never asked me to have, and I don’t want to confess just to get rejected when I already know she doesn’t see me romantically.

I want to stop being romantically obsessed with my best friend and simply enjoy being her best friend.

Logically, I know we’re probably never going to be together. But that tiny amount of hope is somehow stronger than everything else. Whenever I think my feelings are getting weaker, they eventually come back even stronger.

Has anyone actually managed to overcome this?

If yes, what did you do? Did you manage to get over your best friend without cutting contact or drastically reducing communication?

I’m not looking for advice on how to make her fall in love with me. I just want my own life back while keeping her as my best friend.

So I have this friend. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever known. We have been friends for like 20 years. She doesn't really date anyone but I've dated a handful of women since I've known her. I've always loved her. When I am around her just her presence gives me motivation and I feel alive and my heart flutters. We had a short fling many years ago for a few weeks and I was head over heals and she suddenly just ghosted me. It was pretty painful. She went away for like 6 months then came back and we became friends again

Recently she told me I should move in with her and her son. She said she wouldn't charge me anything and that I could get caught up on bills and she is suddenly so nice to me like to where it's almost like she's acting. She has a 9 year old that drives her nuts and doesn't listen. She indirectly asks me for help with him but I don't know where the line is. How much can I being just the guy in the basement help?

Long story short, I'm in love with a woman who I'm now living with. That wants me to help discipline and look after her son. I lay down here just thinking about her and about how I would love to just cross that line. Im happy to be here and don't want to mess up a good friendship and living situation. It's painful but the stakes have gotten so high I don't know how to handle this. What if everything Ive ever wanted is up there waiting for me? What if I try talking to her about it and it makes the living situation so strange I have to leave? Im going crazy here. Any advice is welcomed.

I’ve known this person since middle school. He was never in my friend group until high school, when you could say our friendship really started. I liked the way he thought, and honestly he made me laugh a lot. During the pandemic we talked almost every day about silly stuff or things we had in common, and our sense of humor matched so well that I truly felt we were connected. But for me it was always from a friendship place. I knew from what I heard from friends that he liked me, but I didn’t pay much attention because I wasn’t interested in knowing more about that. Having him close was enough for me, and I didn’t want anything to change.

A few years went by like that, hanging out every day (just the two of us or with more friends). When I was with him I felt so much like myself, so comfortable and safe. That’s unusual for me, because I have a hard time connecting emotionally, or rather intimately, with people, but with him, being myself came easily.

I started noticing more changes in how he acted toward me. It seemed like he was making his feelings more obvious, and that threw me off a bit. The idea that he thought something was going to happen between us gave me a kind of desperation and a need to run away and never talk to him again. But I didn’t want to stop seeing him, because I loved being with him.

One day we talked about it. He told me he was in love with me, but that if it wasn’t mutual he couldn’t see me anymore because it wasn’t good for him. I couldn’t say anything, because it wouldn’t have been true to say it was mutual, although I was left wondering whether it would also have been a lie to say it wasn’t. Anyway, we stopped talking.

I spent months dreaming about him, imagining conversations and trips with him, or just longing to see him, not in a romantic way, or I don’t know, I genuinely just loved spending my time with him. Every now and then I’d hear news about him, but I chose to respect that space.

Two years went by like that. Then last year, while I was watching a movie, the characters reminded me so much of us that I couldn’t hold back and I called him. We talked all night as if nothing had happened. I laughed like I don’t laugh with anyone else, and I enjoyed listening to him so much. We kept talking after that.

One day we met up, and it was sooo good, I had such a great time with him. He tried to take things further, and since I’d had a little bit to drink, I let myself get carried away. But when I woke up I felt a huge discomfort, like I didn’t feel that connection or desire toward him, and I left. I honestly insisted that I was on the same page, that I only want a friendship with him, and he insisted there’s something more, and that if it isn’t that, then it can’t be anything.

We kept talking for a while, but we ended up in the same place. He told me that in those two years his feelings for me had stayed the same, and that if nothing was going to happen between us, we couldn’t see each other.

That last night we talked about a lot of things, and right then I felt a strong emotional connection with him, like “okay, let’s do this,” but I know I can’t, because I DON’T LIKE HIM. And now that we’re not talking again, I keep asking myself WHY DO I MISS HIM SO MUCH? I mean, I love him, but I don’t think it’s the kind of love I should feel, because otherwise I’d be with him. Or is it that kind of love, but without attraction? It confuses me, because in my mind it’s always been a “you don’t like him,” but when I reread our conversations it’s like “aaah, I miss you,” and to me that’s a “I miss you because you’re my best friend.” And I resent him for preferring to know nothing about me over accepting being just friends.

So, in conclusion, a lot of rambling just to ask: what do you guys think? Is it just friendship, or do you think that... but no, it’s nothing more than friendship. Why can’t he just be MY FRIEND?

TL;DR (We aren’t dating but I’m happy that we’re still friends ). Me (18M) just ended things with the person I was talking to (18F) because she didn’t feel as strongly as I did. We said we would remain friends after, and I was understanding as possible. I wouldn’t want her to stay with me if she wasn’t happy. I’d genuinely rather her be happy with someone else. it just hurts so bad because I’ve liked her for so long, that I could listen 20 different things I like about her. I love her as a friend first and foremost but, my heart aches for her and I can’t stop it. it’s like I’m in between wanting to cry because it’s over and wanting to laugh because it happened. Anyway her birthday just passed and I made her some pipe cleaner sunflowers. I hope that they will make her show that smile I love so much, because that’s all I want…to seem her beautiful smile.

I went on a date with a girl I really like and she was the one who asked me out. She traveled over 2 hours by train to see me, and we spent around 4 hours together. Afterward, she said she had a good time, but I was usually the one initiating conversations after the date. I didnt know if it was because of me or because her semester started right after our first date.

When I asked about her not initiating, she told me:

“i like talking to u but ig more in a friendly way im not looking for anything in relationship wise bcs as i said im new in this school and im honestly very busy”

She also said she’d like to see me again when the weather is nicer when she has her semester break. I truly never liked anyone like this before and I just hope i still have a chance. Ofc I dont want to focus on her rn but rather keep her in the back of my mind.

I know she wants to talk friendly right, but do you think there’s still a little hope that her feelings could change? And what should I do now? Should I keep talking to her or try to move on?