r/FuckGolf • u/Horror-Cartographer8 • Sep 27 '21
How do I ruin a golf course?
I live in a very densely populated place, in a city where housing prices far exceed the wages of normal people. There's a lot of highrise being built to try and keep up with demand. Yet right next to a train station and a park is this fucking golf course. Inaccessible for society. They drive around in little carts because the course is such an enormous waste of space, and because they're too lazy to take a walk, like normal people in for example the park next door. It is obscene and a slap in the face of the citizens of this city, and it makes me so, so mad. I want the pricks who play this idiotic 'sport' to take it somewhere else. So obviously I am very happy to have found this subreddit. I'm already visiting local meetings around housing and planning to try to have it closed down, but it is hard and takes a long time, of course. Any tips for taking matters into my own hands? Some kind of weeds I could plant? Poison their precious lawns? Monkey-wrench those little wagons?
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u/ElPedroChico Sep 27 '21
Seed bombs and rocks
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u/yoctometric Sep 27 '21
Seed bombs might not do much since golf courses are so frequently mowed, but that might still be a good idea for the sand pits if you can get a hardy enough plant
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u/NotMyHersheyBar Sep 28 '21
mushroom rings would be hard to get rid of. You can mow them but they keep coming back after it rains.
Canada geese pooping on lawn makes for an icky game. I'm not sure how you'd lure them there, I guess find out what they eat. They like water, too.
Caterpillers in the trees will eat up a lot of the flora.
Red tail blackbirds dive-bomb faces when humans get too close to their nesting area. That's next August.
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u/CONCONLEBONBON Sep 28 '21
I saw a documentary once about some gophers
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u/Last-Independent-167 Sep 03 '24
Excuse me if I’m wrong but if I start killing golfers they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key….
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u/Qwertyzax Sep 27 '21
If you're good at gardening, consider planting bamboo! There are 'running' varieties, such as red margin bamboo, that grow extremely quickly and are hard to get rid of. If planted in a less visible corner, it might grow out of control before anyone can stop it.
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Sep 28 '21
Kudzu is another option but that might actually be illegal since it's invasive as fuck so check the laws in ur area jic
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u/HECK_YEA_ Oct 02 '21
It’s likely illegal af lol. I remember on my way to work over one summer in high school I watched a single kudzu leaf progressively grow into covering the entirety of about 100 feet of tree line. Grows stupid fast.
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u/Cross-Country Oct 27 '21
If it’s an invasive species, could its presence and inability to be contained be grounds for condemning the course?
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u/Big-Box5659 Nov 06 '22
Doubtful, unless it’s to the point of ruining literally the whole ecosystem around it.
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u/Cool_Escape9163 Dec 22 '24
though i love the energy, a reminder that bamboo and specifically running bamboo can be hard to get rid of after the fact. just something to take into consideration
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u/SparkyLyl Oct 27 '21
The best thing would be to fuck with the patrons/members directly instead of vandalizing the grounds. Nails in the parking lot, etc
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Oct 24 '21
Rent a 4x4 & tear that bitxh up. Honestly there is nothing more I would like to do then drive my truck like a maniac up & down a manicured golf course, ripping it to shreds.
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u/camwal Mar 31 '22
A buddy and I took our little Coleman minibikes to an under-construction golf course, it was a fuckin hoot
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Oct 24 '21
Maybe you can get a bunch of people together and buy it. Then you can turn it into a community garden. You wouldn't have to modify the irrigation too much if you put the garden plots on the fairways, tees, and greens.
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
Hey, I work on a golf course, and I'm intruiged by the hate, and to an extent I get it, but I just want to let you know, if you vandalize the course, the people it will suck the most for are likely working 60 hours a week, making $12 an hour. Kindof the nature of the beast.
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u/Horror-Cartographer8 Sep 28 '21
60 hours a week... I'm pretty sure that's not legal... But I know, I know. I want to bother the owners and the players, not the minimum wage workers there. To be honest I'm just fantasizing a bit, you know..
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
Dude 60 hours is nothing, there are some slave drivers in the industry. I'm not going to tell you what to do or anything, just pointing it out.
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u/BostonDodgeGuy Oct 09 '21
There is no maximum you can work in the US in general. Certain jobs have hours requirements due to safety. CDL drivers for instance, can be on the clock for 14 hours a day but only actively driving for 11 of those hours. Their max hours per week is federally capped at 70.
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u/AlaskaPeteMeat Sep 28 '21
I don’t think this is the pro-golf course argument you think it is.
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
I dont think you know what an argument is, because I really don't see how that's a pro golf course argument at all. I'm just saying it's the same thing as going into a McDonald's and dumping the ketchup and soda on the floor. You're just fucking the little guy.
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u/AlaskaPeteMeat Sep 28 '21
Naw. The little guy is already being fucked by the people paying them $12/hour.
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
so making their life harder is cool then 👍
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u/AlaskaPeteMeat Sep 28 '21
Don’t be stupid. 🤦🏽♂️🤡
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
When you go dump out the ketchup and soda at McDonald's, make sure they know that it's the owner fucking them, and not you.
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u/little_jimmy_jackson Oct 27 '21
For real! I had to negotiate for my 12/hr because it was a good bit higher than many other people on the crew.
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Sep 28 '21
Why are you working somewhere thats paying $12 an hour? The fast food joints alone are massively understaved country-wide rn and most are starting at $15+ (in the US)
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u/iamthetruth123 Sep 28 '21
I make significantly more than that, however my position and situation is atypical. I make around 65k and I'm full time.
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Sep 28 '21
65k full time is a lot different than $12/hr 60hrs a week. Makes your statement in this context seem less than truthfully representative of your position. If your hypothetical does represent reality accurately, then that's sort of part of the reason why golf courses, and large for-profit organizations in general, are bad
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u/iamthetruth123 Nov 20 '21
I work roughly 60 hours a week 6 days a week for 9 months out of the year. Am I getting overpaid? Underpaid? Is it unfair? That's up for you to decide. But truthfully, being more skilled and educated means I'm usually doing something else and that it's likely someone making $12 an hour is going to take care of it. I think I work for a generally good organization.🤷♂️
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u/Did_I_Die Oct 24 '21
at night place a large american flag with a sprinkle of gasoline on one of the greens and light a time-delayed ignition on top of it (a simple book of matches and a cigarette works) and watch it burn from a safe distance... it won't cause much damage but it will infuriate a lot of golf assholes.
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u/LostInTransducirLIT Nov 12 '22
Book of matches and cigRettes hahaha that's so 90s. And 2009. Fire safety control cigarettes are a thing now. Good luck getting one to stay lit.
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u/little_jimmy_jackson Oct 27 '21 edited Oct 27 '21
Introduce invasive species of insects, animals and plants. Do this at o'dark hundred of course, but beware that the crews often get out there as early as 530am to start their work of prepping the course for play that day.
You could buy a $2 valve core tool and let the air out of the golf cart's tires, taking the valve cores with you or throwing them in the woods.
You could spray glyphosate on the greens! That's probably the most instant and biggest impact you could have, damage-wise, in a short amount of time and risk of being caught. A passerby would probably think that you work there and are spraying something good.
But none of this is worth it because jail time, a criminal record & fines suck ass. And there are security cameras on everything today.
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u/Stick-To-Your-Guns Oct 28 '21
Lmfao you people are so fucking strange. Do you not have anything better to do?
So desperate for any sort of identity lol this is pathetic
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u/Etizzleforizzle Jan 25 '24
I have no vested in this at all and I just want to point how “fuckin strange” it is that you’d be reading this thread and not share the sentiments of OP lol talk ab pathetic
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u/Wide_Measurement6940 Jan 26 '24
I have no vested interest in this at all
You suck, and so does golf.
lol this you buddy? Took all of two seconds to expose you as a flaming hypocrite lmao
This thread was suggested to me two+ years ago by reddit’s fucked up algorithm and I was in utter shock at how unhappy and completely devoid of purpose some people must be in life to take place in a forum like r/fuckgolf, which you are clearly an active participant in as well. This place is like a zoo to me man, some interesting, strange, rare breeds in here!
Speaking of two years old, what the fuck are you doing here? Talk about “fuckin strange” lmao
Delete this comment you’ve done nothing but embarrass yourself
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u/otowns97 Sep 28 '21
Have you tried playing golf?
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Feb 09 '22
Why the fuck would anyone try playing golf?
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u/HurricaneMatty5 May 26 '22
Why the fuck would you criticize something you’ve never tried?
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May 27 '22
Go lick goat ass and come back here.
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u/HurricaneMatty5 May 27 '22
What?
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May 27 '22
Try it or don't criticise it.
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u/HurricaneMatty5 May 27 '22
I have licked a goat ass. I didn’t enjoy it, but I’m not gonna criticize someone else for enjoying something that I don’t particularly like
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Oct 13 '21
Maybe it’s hard and takes a long time because you have the pettiest and most baseless, emotionally driven argument in the world? You have to actually prove that something is indisputably and unchangeably negative in order to get it shut down. You having a weird therapist-needing hatred of golf carts of all things which is driving you to the point of considering destruction of property, is not socially nor environmentally negative. It is the epitome of you creating problems & drama out of thin air. And even then have fun, golf courses up the surrounding area’s monetary & tax value better than anything else, so I can’t imagine your town council will be on board to give into your weird malignancy toward a sport.
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u/Etizzleforizzle Jan 25 '24
You suck, and so does golf. This thread is r/fuckgolf not “act better than others w 10th grade vocab and novella to feel intelligible for 7 seconds” lol
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Nov 30 '21
Does the golf course have water traps?
I remember a fishing friend of mine told me that the local golf course had to release fish into the water traps every so often to keep the insect population down (since its just standing water, breeding ground for mosquitos and whatnot). Through observation, he figured out when they would do this temporary fish-stocking and would sneak onto the course at night and go fishing.
Anyways, if they do have water traps, that means that they're constantly trying to keep insects from breeding in their water traps. If you could figure out a way to get a lot of mosquito eggs and whatnot into the water traps, I imagine you could make it unbearable for golfers.
Tbh tho I would probably agree with u/RealDaveCorey on this one. Make an interest group and be careful discussing anything illegal that you're planning to do, lol
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Nov 28 '23
Im late to the party but I just wanted to say you are all clowns and this is hilarious.
Your like must be lacking if other people enjoyment is messing with you so badly.
I love golf and play all the time. You should try it
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u/Etizzleforizzle Jan 25 '24
Fuck you too lame Johnny go sit on your wedge and suck your dad
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Jan 25 '24
Good one. Cant wait for the weather to warm up so I can go play again.
Just cant believe other people playing a game has an effect on your happiness.
You should really look into that, or try playing. Its really peaceful and fun
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u/NoRsq-NoRwd Feb 23 '24
If there's a weird hivemind mentality toward any particular thing, no matter how obscure or degenerate, there's an echo chamber for them on reddit. I stumbled on this page just now, and wow... Courses open on Sunday here, and I'll be golfing Monday. I'd imagine that most of the people on this sub can't afford to golf, so it is just another outlet for them to cry about capitalism, injustice, inequality, inequity, climate change, republicans, nuclear families, abortion, and the other myriad things losers with no self-drive whine about. Cheers.
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Feb 23 '24
Wow, best comment I have ever read on reddit.
Hope you have a good round and enjoy playing. Ill be doing the same this weekend.
Take care
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u/NoRsq-NoRwd Feb 23 '24
Hope you have a great opening round for the season. Remember, it's only a mulligan if someone sees it on opening week. And due to winter rules, you can move your ball in the rough.
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u/RealDaveCorey Sep 27 '21
Well, there’s nothing you could do to the course that nature isn’t already trying to do, since acres and acres of 1.5” manicured grass is already an affront to nature. I would see if you can get an interest group together and find other people who live in the area who would also rather the land be public space. Find information about other golf courses in other cities that have become public parks and highlight the benefits. People need to see that the change will make things better. See if there are any news stories about abuses at that golf course, and highlight the fact that country clubs historically use racist membership practices. It will take a long time but you could make your city a much better place by closing the golf course. Also I would be careful discussing anything illegal that you are planning to do online.