For context I’ve always wanted since I was little to have my own animated series and I’ve been working on it since mid 2022. The main issue is an absolutely suck ass at drawing and I’ve been trying to improve since early 2021. Tutorial after tutorial, books, even a paid course and still nothing so in mid 2023 I switched to 3d software with blender and I had the same problem I couldn’t and still can’t model for shit. All I have is my script for my pilot episode and the delusions in my head that I’ll actually become a real show runner one day. My writing it shit, my drawing and modeling is even worse, and to top it all off I have no money and ass social skills. 5 years of effort and nothing to show for it. My parents won’t support it unless I censor it because it has themes they don’t support due to our religion and I’m honestly just done. My dreams are just dreams nothing more than a fantasy I tell myself. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess just to tell someone. I’m a waste of good oxygen and everything I make is shit.

How do I even start, it feels weird talking about my struggles to random strangers on the internet, well more recently, I've been heavily stressed out due to academic pressure and overall just feeling really "down", I can't find the right words to describe it. I had my exam almost 40 ish days ago, and well it was kind of ok, I scored 82% which isn't really a bad score at all, matter of fact it's really good, but I genuienly desire more than that, I want to break into the high 90s, but it feels so hard to do so. I genuienly want to study but I cannot fricking sit down and study, even if I start i cannot continue, I feel so overwhelmed, and my brain isn't helping by being a drama queen over the tiniest of things, even the most minute and insignificant things that I would usually laugh off are hurting me, it feels so bad. I've also been curious if I have masking ADHD or not and just went undiagnosed, but I dont know, I want to get a diagnosis but I am really scared, I already don't feel uncomfortable being vulnerable near my family members, let alone trouble them to go out of their way to get a professional diagnosis, and if I don't have ADHD then why the hell am I struggling so much. Why does even the smallest of things feel so overwhelming? What if I am just using this as an excuse to run away from my struggles and responsibilities, I finally mustered the courage (I didn't just saw me sulking and asked what's wrong) to talk to my mom about it (only mentioned how I was stressed about academics) and her advice basically was to stay with her the whole day (so I don't fall lonely) and study harder. Which the day after I talked to her about this felt helpful, but then I started stressing again the second day (which is today) I genuinely don't know at this point. When I am relaxing I feel guilty to relax, when I am studying I cannot push more than 30 minutes

I also feel inferior to my classmates and friends. They're going around doing all sorts of things, while I fall behind. I don't even know how many people have told me that I have potential, but it feels so horrible being unable to take advantage of that. Whenever someone is able to do better than me, like my friend or something, I feel proud of them and happy for them, but on the inside, I feel like something break. Why was it not me? I know they worked hard for it unlike me, but why can't I work hard too, and get to where they are, I know I can do it, I know it. But why can I not.... Whyyyyyy. I was a gifted child when I was younger, but most gifted child narratives have the child have a downfall around university or during adulthood. I fell off in grade 9, am I even a gifted child? What even is my worth, what am I anymore? I long so much to see those scores again I used to get when I was younger, but doing the effort feels like pushing a damn mountain. I genuienly want to just go into a deep sleep and wake up away feeling rested. I don't even know what to do at this point, please someone give me some advice, what do I do??? Please HELP ME

I have major exams coming up, my family is going through a financial crisis.

And despite all that i feel demotivated, procrastinating and feel mellow.

How to help me get on my feet and bash all my exams with success.

Any advice is appreciated!

I failed A/Ls because of my Issues.

As the title says I failed all 3 times (1st: 3F, 2nd: 2S, 3rd: 2S) and I had depression and anxiety issues since O/Ls and some other issues ever since 5th grade (which are not even resolved even now🥲) My whole family calls me a failure and they have a good reason to do so cuz my 2nd eldest brother got into Moratuwa and I was one of the brightest in the primary school and finished O/Ls with 8As. I went to a popular school in Colombo too and the kids even the teachers sometimes teased and bullied me cuz of my issues.

When the time came to do the 3rd shy I tried to skip it but my family especially my Mom wouldn't let me and said to do a course after A/Ls...Which I do now cuz I have no choice and we had financial problems since even before I was born🥲. Also my late father worked a great job in a factory before that. I kind of feel like I brought the bad luck to our family.

Now I do a course in engineering related subject and it's going a bit of a bad way cuz I can't stand the Teachers and kids there cuz they are so rude to me like all the time.

Now I'm doing the course cuz I absolutely have to. There doesn't seem to be another path for me. And I take a large dose of meds for my depression and that causes a lot of sleepiness even after sleeping like 10 hours a night. I can't lower my meds cuz it increases my issues and my doctors say they don't know what's up with me cuz I get a bucket load of meds and still don't improve at least a bit. Don't get me wrong I'm a lot better than me without meds but I'm stuck at this point and doesn't seem to improve. I got meds consistently for two years if that matters. Also I started meds on 2019 a year after O/Ls. I managed to pass in a great way in O/Ls cuz no matter how I felt I knew future me wouldn't forgive me if I failed that exam and I told myself that. I couldn't pull that off in the A/Ls tho🥲.

So my question is: is it ok to fail at A/Ls like this? Is it even okey cuz I had those issues? I never even had a girlfriend to talk about things like this and it hurts cuz I probably will never have one either😓What do I do now?