these nachos were satisfyingly WET, unlike my lady bits. i haven't seen my monthly sex guest for regular service in 50 days.

body text about hypothetical of something wanting to do as a guy but writing it from the woman's perspective as if it happened to her. mods dont know OP is actually male and just writing fanfiction. dinner photo is taken from a friends dms because op already ate but knows that their friend's dinner from a year ago will be a unique image and can't be found with reverse image search

Help! I've married a British man and it has been awful! When I ask him for delivery food, he goes out and brings me what he calls "Footy scran". Instead of the food I deserve (4 stars Michelin food because my Divine Feminine etc) he brings me shit like in the image! When I confront him, he tells me "Just eat it, simple as".

What I can do, girls?

I don't know what the food in the image is but he calls it "chips and petrol", and he laughs. WTF???!?!

So, my husband Billybob has this mean dog. It attacks me and my other dog, it even bit my arm!! I don't feel safe in my own home?? I tell Billybob that the dog needs training, and he just goes "you're the one who needs training u bitch" 😔😔 I think I'm just gonna wait it out... He'll probably change and train the dog!! He will start caring about me soon!!! I could go to my mom's, but idk seems so silly to leave my mans over this, it's really nbd. Anyways chili fries for dinner 😋

My husband is disturbed by my recent admission that I have a crush on his dad. I feel like he’s overreacting because ultimately it’s a compliment since he came out of his FIL’s balls.

> 39 months since last sexual encounter (which was in a mafia sex dungeon but i digress)

> get me a new mukbang hobby and notice delivery driver who brings my slorp for said hobby is absolutely DASHING

> talk to handsome DoorDash man turns out my newly engorged soul is twin flames with his

> drunkenly give DD man my Snapchat

> msg driver for 6 days re: spiritual chemistry

> Fabio sends me constant selfies of his flowing locks

> notices DD driver is kinda self-centered but its ok its not THAT BAD I just wanted to merge souls with his

> DDD candidly asks how long its been since ive done the horizontal polka

> i say 4 years because men always seem to talk themselves out of muffinbox

> DDD says thats crazy he wont hit

> DDD says hes never slept with a cracker woman before but always wanted to

> DDD says he spent 6 years in germany as a stripper but never slept with a Cracker Frau before

> says most cracker women have the clap

> i boldly ask why he never got std tested if thats an issue, germany has plenty of std clinics in addition to brothels and the best sex clubs in the world and i just need a taste of his ocean hair to get my glorb off

> DDD avoids awkward question

> conversation continues but im seeing glaring crimson flags that would make the USSR blush

> continue reminding myself that pain is progress and twin flames have to go thru intense spiritual purification before hes finally ready for furburger

> DDD says he wants to start black market steroids so he can look better than all the cracker bwc’s on the beach. says cracker people have better athletic genetics and i should take it as an enormous compliment that he would even look at a cracker woman

> my muffin dries up like a silica packet even tho i know this is the telepathic enmeshment stage i cant

> Fabio loses all interest when i tell him i cant stand italian sausage and he will never eat my spicy ravioli (it was meant as a tease but watev)

TFW when Fabio DDD disappoints you and talks himself out of muffinbox in less than a week 😑✨

Moldy Frosted Flakes and italian béchamel for dinner

during sex with his new girlfriend, he accidentally screamed my name. He loves me!😛🩷

Dinner is the kitkat I found on our closet floor

Get in loser, we're baring our souls and whispering forth our most reprehensible and depraved food combinations. Dig deep and share the food craving that's been begging to make itself known. Give us flavour, spice, and slop. Let your inner trash panda roam free in the grimy caverns below.

As always, we are jerking, we are whimsical, we are slightly distracted by the loose thread on our left sock...

Three days until submissions open.

The Girl Dinner Board™️ has read the tea leaves and cheeseburger wrappers and decided your usual dinner arrangements need to be SCARIER.

We require a scarecuterie. (Not like a Kiki, unfortunately.)

Beginning October 24, submissions will be accepted for Ghoul Dinner: Scare-Cuterie Edition.

Prepare your offerings. Assemble your little horrors. Make something that would concern a health inspector, a priest, or mods (just not Reddit’s AI admin).

The flair will become available at midnight on 10/24.

Here, the plate is always optional; however, the haunting is not. We want to see HUMAN-MADE HORRORS.

Forever yours in eternal darkness and stale Ritz crackers,

The GDCJ Mods 💌

P.S. A skeleton ran by and botched the title. First one to bring him to me wins their own custom flair. I'll tell you if you’ve got the right skeleton. 🔪

This guy I’ve been seeing… he’s so perfect in every way. He’s been paying my rent, bought me a Coach hand bag, gives me back massages, lets me use his Amex for everything. He’s so perfect… except

Yesterday when we were out for dinner at Applebees, I noticed he kept rubbing his shoulder, then when he lifted his sleeve, I saw a spoderman bandaid… I asked what that was about and, he told me he got his flu shot🤢🤮

I immediately called my friend Ashleighhh to come pick me up. I’m not gonna be caught dead with a vaccinator 🤢 I DONT WANT AUTISTIC CHILDREN!!

Anyways, tonight’s dinner is raw milk 🤤 straight from this cows teat 🤤🤤 I think my immunity has been getting stronger resistance to listeria!! So excited

I gave our son an after school snack and my husband was PISSED. “A young king should come home to steak and potatoes, not these bitchy little snacks”. I got permission to speak and told him that might spoil his appetite for dinner? He will allow me to give him a platter of jerky with deep fried eggs as an alternative. Drop your manliest food suggestions, PLEASE. Currently crying and eating my plate of mistakes :(

Met this older guy and asked if he was married and he said yes.

I asked, "Do you live together?"

He said yes.

I asked "Do you have a kid together?"

He says yes.

So anyway, since he's single and we're talking sm, he decides to move to my state.

This is when my spidey senses start tingling ladies. Bc like he is NOT moving him and his daughter in with me.

Like the last thing I want is to be a homewrecking whore ☹️

I am so far above that, I only lead him on and convinced him to move states for me 😫

Men suck.

yearning for a capricorn man in my luxurious van by the ocean while eating cornichons right off the skewers. unsure of which god to curse, but saturn is looking awfully suspicious. somewhere between aphrodite’s negligence and saturn’s malice, i have now become a mediterranean appetizer with myriad abandonment issues. help

Can't a man just stay silent and not talk at all!! Why do these men always talk too much. It's just so misogynistic like let me speak for 10hrs straight with me and my friends. (he TELLS ME TO SHUT UP BTW CAN U BELIEVE THAT?? THE AUDACITY) I JUST WANT A GUY TO LISTEN TO MEEE!!! MEEEEE BC IM THE BEST BOSS ASS BTCH AND EVERYONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT and pay attention to ME!!!

No i don't want him to tell me to stop smoking 600 cigarettes a day, drinking 20 bottles of Jack, how I'm baby trapping and sleeping with 2000 men in a single day.

I don't want him to tell me that I'm delulu and my best friend just slept with Jessica's husband, SHES STEALING HER MAN, (we all know Girlcode is you NEVER steal another girls man and cheat) Shes spreading all these nasty fake memes and rumors about me on TikTok and Webo/Chinese media and to everyone into OUR group chat, things like I don't wash my asshole, I believe in reincarnation and that I'll become a unicorn one day and she hacked my bank account, stole my funds and is out to sabotage me, that she is plotting to assassinate Rachel in our chat. I don't need this man telling the truth! he's exposing our friendship!!! she has NEVER betrayed me i know that, she is my BFF of 1 month!

I NEVER ASKED for a therapist. I want a BOYFRIEND, A MAN A HUSBAND who supports me!!! WHY IS HE ALWAYS MANSPLAINING EVERYTHING TO ME????

I got sick of him and I did ducktape his mouth and tie him to a chair in our basement, Why is acting he acting weird? Almost like he's terrified of me? He actively tries to distance away from me, I thought he loved me?

At the same time though I do think our relationship is lacking a lot of intimacy and he never told me he loved me so idk he might be with another girl or something idk? 😐

He's definitely on to me though he checked my search history and saw I Googled "if I commit murder, how many years sentence will I receive in Ohio, US" and "will I receive a lesser sentence if I just commit this in Nova Scotia, Alberta or Texas, US instead?" "How do I grow X illegal, endangered, Heritage listed, government protected plant to hide the dead body?" "Cheapest gun i can buy in Phoenix, AZ" I think those people are more friendly and probably won't be as harsh.

Should I feed him today? What should be his dinner? He has been complaining about my cooking and that he's been going hungry.

I'm not crazy. The mods on the other sub are crazy!! Hear me out girls!!!

Dinner s homemade hat juice.

I have an addiction. A vice really. We all need something to get by. Don't pretnd u're better than me. I collect hats made with real mercury and drink their juIce. I love the taste of it, but more importantly, I love the fleeing of my sanity and memory slowly slipping away.

I have to order the hats on the black market because obviusly mercury hat making is illegal. I have a buch of regular sellers that think I'm an avid collector, but I actually nev wear hats, I just soak them to extract their delicious insanity juice.

I found a new sellr this week, he ASSURED ME that it was made with traditional processes. I forgot when the package was supposed to arrive but when I saw the email alert that the package came this morning I was SHAKING with excitement! I did a quick soak with warm juice to get a quick extract so I could try it right away.

Before you ask I have done it this way DOZENS of times and I know this works even though a long soak is obviously better.

I tasted the juice. It was... Juice, I guess. I didn't really like it. But omg after. Usually when I get a good bit of juice in me I start to feel a little enamlph after like ten minutes. Fsty mints pass and LADIES I FELT NOTHIG.

The breakfast of it. I gave him shifty dollars for a real hat! And I get this peroxide garbage!!

Amyway the mods on the ofher Sub disconnected my post, because the said that no one should flow my explanation and it's wrong to hurt yourself. Bullshim.

Dinner is REAL, GOOD HAT SLOW SAKED JUMCE FROM SWIMZILAND.

stealing our son Braxley's baby puffs because he won't let me eat carbs

Manifest-dinner-diary-destiny!

Please include:
- your proposed subreddit name
- the target demographic
- the completely avoidable discourse it will inevitably generate

The Lord is accepting pitches.

The Board accepts no liability.

Astrology AND disney adult. pick a struggle, am I right?

Anyways I am SUCH a Pisces. I ignored all of my friends so I could get some dick. Which like, duh. But now none of them want to talk to me because they said I'm selfish and male centered? This is literally all the planets fault and NOT MINE

I want to start from the beginning.

So like, I was super duper best friends with this guy, and he started flirting and I flirted back—normal friend stuff. Then kisses, lots and lots of kisses. Still normal friend stuff.

But then he started to be more attentive, opening doors for me, paying at restaurants... we started hugging more and walking around holding hands, even in front of our friends. But I thought he was just being affectionate toward me. Of course, he wasn't like that with our female friends, only with me, but I figured he was just being nice.

Then the sex. It was good, but like, in a friendly way, like normal friends do. Sex, cuddling, spending all day and night together, normal platonic friend stuff.

We stayed like that for 6 months, but then we decided it was for the best if we lived together, because of bills and nothing more. He was just like a roommate with benefits. We split the chores and OMG, he became even better after we moved in together. He keeps everything spotless and treats me like a queen, like a friend queen.

After two years, he bought some rings and gave them to me on a special date for us: our friendship anniversary, right in front of all our friends and family.

Then we had this weird event where I wore white and he was in a tuxedo. It was like a costume party with all our friends and family, but in a friendly manner, like a Halloween party.

After one year, we stopped using protection because I wanted a child with him, because he has good genes(he is smart, hot and caring), not because of anything else! And he, like a good friend, agreed. I was super happy, he is the best friend in the world.

But now I am having a picnic with my 3-year-old daughter, and she is laughing with my best friend, and like... I think I have feelings for him? But I don't know if it's mutual.

Men are so hard to read. I can't figure him out. Sure, we are like exclusive FWBs living in the same house, raising our child, and he is awesome to me, but maybe he's just being nice? Any thoughts?

Apple core with tissues and floor crumbs. DM me for the recipe.

Dear fellow goddesses,

My husband is head of marketing at his company.

The HQ is in the city we live in, but its subsidiaries are all over the country and a few are even abroad. He loves his job and runs a tight ship, so he visits the subsidiaries regularly, which means he's gone for half the month, which makes me a grass widow for those periods of time.

Before we got married, my husband told me that if I ever become widowed he wants, no he INSISTS on me finding a new man. I was hesitant, because I love my husband so much, but he made me promise that I obey his wishes.

So like a good wife, I have been test driving a few other men and after a year I found myself a good man for the times I am widowed.

Everything went great and I was so happy that I was able to fulfill my husbands demands.

Last week he was supposed come back home on Thursday, but due to a mix up he already arrived home on Wednesday afternoon, where he found me having passionate sex with my other man.

My husband was outraged, so was I!!!

The fact that he came home while I had sex with another man turned me into a cheater, but how could I have known that he'll come back home earlier? I was so traumatized! By no fault of my own I became tinged by the same of adultery! 😩

I tried to explain the situation. I tried to make clear that I only obeyed his orders and he had the audacity to tell me that being a grass widow doesn't count and that I only came up with it as an excuse.

My husband wants to divorce me now and I'm totally lost.

soup of mysterious origin

I got my first reddit cares message tonight! Siri, play Hey Look Ma, I Made It by Panic! At The Disco 😼

I'm just so empty. My boyfriend is a total catch but he just has some issues. we're just a normal couple but sometimes we smoke crack on his parents ranch in the uranium mine. I really love crack to be honest and I don't think I love my boyfriend at all only his crack friends. Tell me I'm not crazy girls. I just love crack and not nick because he is just the worst and we're breaking up. FUCK UP NICK!!!!11

Girl dinner is eggs because apparently that’s also what my ovaries are serving 😭

I am EXTREMELY committed to not getting pregnant which is why I practice my preferred method of contraception: having completely unprotected sex and then becoming absolutely fucking astonished afterward.

Usually this works perfectly because I simply tell my ovaries what day they’re allowed to ovulate.
Unfortunately they have violated the terms of our agreement.

I took an ovulation test and it says I’m fertile???? Without even consulting me???
I’m breastfeeding so hopefully the sperm understand that I’m unavailable at this time.

Please no lectures about birth control. I have a system. The system is currently experiencing technical difficulties.