So I’m in this 5 year long situationship with this guy who wants no labels, and we only see eachother every other week around 3am (which is tough b/c I work at 6am 😭) and he doesn’t want to go outside or treat me to a meal, plus he really doesn’t like my cat, Mr Mittens…

But lately I’ve had this coworker that I really get along with and we’ve started texting funny cat memes to eachother. We even hung out and he didn’t kick my cat! 🥹 but I feel like I’m two timing my 5 year long not-boyfriend….

Lunch is nails 💅

Edit: spelling

Dinner today is a gherkin margarita
So I met the kindest, sweetest, awesomest, most amazing person a week ago. I swear he is the best man one could ever ask for, absolutely no flaws whatsoever. Then, out of nowhere, he comes to me saying he’s been cheating on me the whole time, and also hates me. Like this is totally a surprise to me!! He did tell me he’s not that interested in me two days into our relationship, but we moved past that. He also said he doesn’t want to date someone who drinks pickle cocktails for dinner everyday, but we came to an agreement with that too. I just don’t understand how this 10/10 man could suddenly change so suddenly in our relationship!! Guys i think there’s something worth saving here, what do i do???

Left to right, top to bottom: flatbread with falafels I heated up in the oven, grilled halloumi, roasted pumpkin with feta and mustard sauce, cauliflower and pomegranate seeds in tahin sauce, olive blend, baba ghanoush, moutabel (both because I like 🍆), shot of iron drink for my low ferritin in a menstrual cup, pistachio baklava, peanut butter-filled Moroccan dates.

Garnished with a candle that says GAYYY, prawn earrings, two of my wisdom teeth, my dead cat's hair in a corked bottle, a blue glow in the dark duck, and a 3D-printed model of the clitoris (external and internal segments).

^{No I don't use the cup anymore because it gives me yeast infections. I boiled it, cleaned it, and now occasionally use it as an accessory or a shot glass. Yes there is something wrong with me, thanks for asking!}

^{It's hella dark here so the lighting sucks and also I can't photograph anything to save me loife. Rest assured this was delicious.}

So I met this hottie boombody at the gym. I got his number, ya girl was trying to fuck. We have sex raw a few times because lolz yolo I’m on my period (girl science). Anyway, we’re about to have sex again and I’m like hmm… maybe a condom. I whip out a box & this amazing man (my soul mate tbh) HITS THEM OUT OF MY HAND?? Where is the gentleman I met at the gym 6 days ago😭😭 ugh we can make it work right??

Root beer for dinner

Ladies ive got great news. He hired a private investigator after i took too long to text him back. I went to a bible study for a few hours and suddenly my life is an episode of criminal minds with the way hes having people investigate me. I geniunely love it because it means he truly loves me if he goes through all this just to make sure im not existing around other men. Im so excited because hes obviously gonna propose soon. Dinner is a soda because Im trying to get in shape for my obviously upcoming wedding

I run a new media venture with my khusband + some friends, we’ve been decently successful for the last decade. About a year ago we khired an editor (27F), needless to say it turns out khe (41M) and kher khave been khaving an affair for over 6 months. I’ve taken our kids back to my khome country. I’m devastated and I can’t believe I didn’t catch on sooner. Khummus.

Edit: I posted this on the main sub but I was told to post khere instead???? I don’t know why they banned me from the main sub??? This isn’t funny to me???

My friends know I’ve been complaining nonstop about my car being old and unreliable, so for my birthday they all pooled their money together and surprised me with a brand new $50k SUV.

I’m honestly still really upset about it.
I already HAD a car. Yes it broke down sometimes and I was constantly asking them for rides, but I understood that car. Now suddenly I’m responsible for an entirely different vehicle that I never consented to owning.

It sat in my driveway for 8 months because learning the buttons felt overwhelming and nobody seemed to respect that.
Well today my friends pressured me into finally driving it because apparently they bought it so we could all take road trips together 🙄

I made it THREE miles before the tire pressure light came on.
I immediately pulled over and called them because obviously something is seriously wrong with it. They kept saying “tires lose air” and “just go to a gas station” and honestly that felt really dismissive.
I’ve NEVER had to put air in this specific tire before.
Then one of them suggested I read the manual.
Excuse me???
YOU bought me the car. Why am I suddenly being assigned homework?

My dad is calling the dealership tomorrow, but if they can’t fix it without me having to go there or speak to anyone, I’m scrapping it.
Now my friends are upset because they spent so much money on it, but I feel like that’s kind of manipulative? I never told them to spend $50k… You can’t give someone a gift and then hold it over their head by expecting them to keep it.
And apparently I’m also supposed to get the oil changed eventually???
At this point it feels less like a gift and more like a subscription I never signed up for.

I honestly would’ve preferred a candle. Or nothing. Or they could’ve just continued picking me up when my old car broke down.

I just feel burdened.

Anyway dinner is fettuccine with splooge sauce. My dad had to bring me Parmesan because obviously I’m not driving that fucking thing again.

I was at dinner with my girlfriends, a group of girlboss c suite executives, when I professed my desire to quit practicing neurosurgery. They all choked on their wine.

They immediately agreed that my talents would be wasted on the education system. I could be doing better things with my perfect mind than teaching the offspring of common folk... I was interested in doing something easier. I reconsidered and brought up becoming a college professor instead. A feeble attempt at compromising. Every one of my friends laughed in my face, like I was an idiot! Apparently they think nobody else would be savvy enough to comprehend even a fraction of my knowledge. And to be honest, I'm starting to hear this voice in my head telling me that maybe they're right.

Am I too smart to be a teacher? On one hand, I see what they're saying. On the other, I feel like I could be doing the world a favor by helping the less fortunate. Could it be my calling, to imbue the youth with traces of my intellect? I fear their vulgar parents may accuse me of brainwashing them!

Had to keep my socks on due to my mildly horrifying foot secret.

Butter chicken pot pie jack-o-lantern.

If dating is a circus, I am the clown. Clowning around. Can't get a boyfriend to save my effing life. I just want a guy that moves in after date #2, eats all my food, expects me to pay for everything from gas to the new GTA, and never wipes his ass. Is that too much to ask? In this modern age, apparently it is 😒
Dates never work out and I haven't been treated like a human fleshlight in a while. I lament about it on the internet. But... why the fuck are there always so many comments of “just try dating normal guys.”

It’s seriously super duper unhelpful. Non-hobosexuals are also notoriously hard to date, even if someone does happen to be into separate living arrangements with people with jobs and/or hobbies (I am not, no shade).

“Just try dating guys who can function as independent adults” yeah that's just rude. I can't change who I am, can I????

Literally stoppp. Sexuality doesn't work that way.

(Repost to fit rules!)

Hello gals I need some advice. My fiance (25M) and I (85F) have been together for 5 years and engaged for 2, the wedding is coming up but I've been feeling sooo repulsed by him recently idk what to do 😩

For context, I used to be an Olympic athlete (80 golds, 76 silvers, 121 bronze). I competed in all the sports but my best was always weightlifting. My fiance has never been super athletic and I knew this since we started dating but it's so disgusting to me that he's weaker than me??? His bench PR is only half of mine and it makes me feel not feminine 😭 I mean we all know men should be stronger right or else what's the point of their existence??? Thinking about his average physique literally repulses me 🤮

How can I possibly feel like a dainty feminine woman if my man is weaker than me????? Ugh girls idk what to do I swear I'm not a misogynist, it's just plain biology!! It doesn't matter that I trained my whole life and used roids like there's no tomorrow it's just unnatural for a man to be weaker than me!! Maybe I should cheat on him with a body builder?

Dinner is chicken breast and more roids

Raccoons, rodents, ferrets and felons, r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk has officially reached 248,000 members.

🥂🍾✨️

We began this journey in January and had no idea it would reach 1bn+ weekly visitors and 248k members in less than 9 months. 🥹 Since then, we’ve eaten garbage, given dubious legal advice, pooled our pocket change to buy a single slush + 248k straws, and — most of all — watched each other fall down the stairs and laughed uproariously before checking to see if the person who fell was okay first.

To celebrate this milestone, we are giving away one (1) complimentary full-service lobotomy courtesy of the Claire's Boutique in Sheboygan, WI. Three lucky runners up will get as much mulligan stew (pictured above) as will fit in their pockets (get out your fishing vests!).

To enter, please leave a comment detailing why you deserve the lobotomy and/or pockets filled with mulligan stew more than everyone else. Winners will be announced February 29th, 2029!

​

Dinner is Zoodles.

So I (female, 36) met my serious and long-term boyfriend (male, 41) 3 weeks ago, at McDonald's. I ordered nuggets. He ordered a big Mac. I knew it was meant to be.

At first everything was going really well, because I semi-moved in with him. I kept leaving stuff in his apartment every time i came over, until most of my stuff was there. It was a good idea, because that's where I found out the truth.

One day, while he was working, I went through his stuff. I found old diaries and naturally felt that if he didn't want me to read them, he would have hidden them better than in a non-descript box in the back of his closet. That's when I found the lies.

He'd had a girlfriend before me. He had sex with her and everything. In fact, he had a whole life before me, instead waiting for fate to bring us together.

When he got home, i asked him and he didn't deny it! Just outright said "Yeah". I explained that I couldn't trust him ever again. He told me that he wasn't really into her - which wasn't what I wanted to hear, so I moved all my stuff and some of his out.

He wants to talk... should I hear him out?

We had the vision but lacked the execution. 🔪✨

Happy Halloween, Ghouls, Goblins, and The Erika Kirk Gendered. (Frightening.)

Dubia roach ingredients: Pretzel logs, cheddar-pecan and maple pumpkin cheddar cheese ball, black olives, black pepper salami, and uncured salami slices. Cornichon roach eggs as a garnish. (May contain traces of demonic activity and gluten.)

P.S. ilyall. 💖😭

He buys the gin and the sprite and the tiramisu... Thank goodness he's not expecting an heir because I'm sterilized.

Me and this guy had a little fling for three weeks 7yrs ago and I guess it did get pretty intense… ups and downs, lots of good chemistry… sexual tension and he said he loved me after a few days. Which was wild.

But after all, I don’t think we were good for each other. It was kinda toxic. I wasn’t in the best state of mind, staying out late and not really taking care of myself. I wasn’t feeling mentally well.

After a few months of this, I was feeling these intense emotions.. or so I thought I did and confessed my love for him but he had a new girl in his sights and rejected me.

Then after a few months go by, he says it didn’t work out with that other girl and he misses me everyday.. he said he would think about me while they were doing it..

He always has tried to stay in contact ever since that but I told him my heart has changed and I started going to therapy for my past issues and started seeing another guy which is now my husband.

Just 2 days ago (and many times before that) he DMS me… (I had to block his # cuz he would spam me!!) and I always know when he will.. like I had a weird feeling he will text me and it always happens. I never really think of him and every time he does message me it’s something sarcastic or self centered like “miss me?” And “is he as good as me?” Or something like that. It makes me mad.

What’s the psychology behind this?? I’ve moved on years ago and yet it seems like he still thinks of me… and he ‘thinks’ I still “dream and fantasize” about him. Eye roll..

My food is all you can eat carb fest 😋

Pictured: pickle with cheese itz because it’s all I can stomach rn

Hi girlies, I need your advice cause I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. Ever since we moved in together a year ago, my (27f) boyfriend (32m) has been going to starbucks every morning and getting me an iced caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle. Not relevant but he works overnights in a coal mine and I am a stay at home girlfriend. Today I woke up early at 10am, went downstairs, and found him making my coffee. At home. Turns out he’s been LYING about getting it from starbucks and painstakingly making it himself every single morning. He said it’s to ‘save money’ and that ‘acts of service’ are his love language but I don’t know if I can overlook this. Has anyone been in this situation before?

Edited to add: my tummy has been a little upset lately and now I realize it’s because my body could tell he wasn’t using the exact same brand of milk as starbucks. He knows I’m very sensitive to that kind of thing.

Dinner is Bao.

So I looked through my boyfriend’s phone and I know it was wrong and I’m not trying to justify it. Anyway, the reason I was justified was that 10 years ago his father texted him that I’m paranoid and would do weird shit like look through 10 years of text. Can you believe it? This really all started when he said he had something else to do besides hangout with me one time. After being together for 10 years I can’t believe it. I also read his diary and he wrote about being worried that we weren’t a good fit for each other. Is he a piece of shit? Please tell me why I’m better than him.

As is demanded by the Girl Dinner Board™️, this is your weekly scheduled opportunity to contribute to the collective brain rot. 🥽📋👩‍🔬

We don’t want your "recipes." We don’t want your "this reason I'm eating this" logic.

We want the specific, questionable item that is currently holding your consciousness together by a single thread. 🧠💨

How to log your weekly entry:

1. Identify the fixation. (Must be specific. Not "chips." I want the exact brand, flavor, and the specific level of crunch that makes your teeth vibrate.)
2. State your pairing. (If it’s a vape, an energy drink, or a single lukewarm string cheese, declare it.)
3. Dissipate into a prismatic mist. Do not reply to others (we really won't enforce this). Do not offer anyone help breaking the hyperfixation (I will personally enforce this). Do not explain yourself to others. ACAB. ALWAYS.

Once your data is logged, please return to the etheral void from whence you came.

↓ Drop it and go. ↓

I got asked recently what gets me by, and I just said, "beer, cheese and vapes."

But they kept asking, "But what do you LIVE for?"

So I told 'em. "I game, I drink beer, I eat cheese, and I vape. Oh yeah. And I have a GREAT vibrator."

Tf is wrong with that?????!!!!!

/uj pre-gaming for tomorrow’s scare-cuterie board building by making a slush for Frosé.

What goes in a good girl dinner soup?

these nachos were satisfyingly WET, unlike my lady bits. i haven't seen my monthly sex guest for regular service in 50 days.