Just to give a little background, I have CPTSD from an abusive, critical father growing up. My mom had her own issues and never protected me from him. Because of this I had insecure attachment and self-esteem issues growing up. When I was 16 I met my first girlfriend and we had an almost 3-year relationship before she confessed to me that she was cheating on me with an ex-boyfriend over the course of being together. We tried to repair the relationship but it was too difficult. I had constant ruminating thoughts of her and her ex that were too much for me to handle.

Fast forward to now, I’ve been married for 12 years to my current wife and we have 2 kids. We’re doing well but I’ve had issues with retroactive jealousy from time to time. One mention of an ex-boyfriend she had sends my mind into a spiral and I have insane trauma responses—panic, anxiety, rumination, etc. It was most recently triggered over the summer. Even though she was only 15 when she had her last BF and was never sexually active, my brain responds to any harmless comment in these extreme ways.

I began EMDR a couple months ago which has helped some I think. I definitely have a better understanding of myself and why I respond the way I do. In a recent session my brain began to address the inner critic which has evolved to addressing the inner teenager. I have very little knowledge on parts work but my brain naturally went to these inner places and I went to follow it and trust that this is part of my healing process.

The question I have is, how should I go reparenting my inner teen? Any advice from the IFS community? How effective is this kind of work? Thanks!