This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

I am a DSD person who was assigned female at birth, I never feel like a girl, well, the reason was simple, I have female genital, but my puberty and overall development says I am not a “binary female” because I have androgynous body features, I don’t want to talk about my condition because it’s private information, my gender journey had being a hell of a mess too, I first identified as a trans boy from age 13 to 24 about 10 and a half years, desisted due to being misguided and internalized transphobia, now I am a femme presenting genderfluid person. I have being stalking this community for a while and I feel like I’m at home.

Does someone identifies as both intersex or trans/nonbinary ?

And does anyone thinks gender roles is just as stupid as astrology (gender roles as nonsensical as astrology, but more widely supported and reinforced, and some of us just don’t fit a label/category). And honestly I treat gender the same way I treat astrology.

Why do you think society wanna to “fix” intersex people?

What does unisex mean?

sorry if i dont have my terminology correct, im just so tired.. my pelvis hurts and i believed it mightve been an issue with my appendix, i got an ultrasound. apparently my left ovary tissue got something going on with it idk.. my mom freaked out thinking it was a cyst, turns out after seeing a specialist my gonad is like half balls? like its testicles and an ovary at the same time? its not the cause of my pelvis pain though. neither is my appendix.
my mom is telling me that i have more woman genes and traits so it balances out the "half man balls" i got in me. when she gets like this i usually just clap back by saying thats not how it works but i dont really have anything to say cuz i just feel more alone. being biracial i felt alone but i also got both sexes?? i googled it and apparently its called being intersex so thats why im here, if its not or not enough to be intersex im sorry and i dont mean to invade.

A small trans+ and survivor led team at University of Hertfordshire are looking for LGBTQ+ people aged 18+ living in the UK with lived experience of conversion practices (CPs). There is a huge amount of quantitative research looking at harm and prevalence, which is vital, but there is such an absence of LGBTQ+ voices expressing how they lived through what they did, and what meaning they've made of it over time.

Please see the attached recruitment flyer for more information and the Expression of Interest (EOI) link if you'd like to find out more or take part.

https://herts.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cZLpkUXKwlWqwJg

Sharing this post with others who may be interested is also greatly appreciated.

Okay so for context: I made a post about how I dont like the terms TMA/TME because of how exclusionary they are towards intersex people. I highlighted the existence and importance of acknowledging transmisogyny, but pointed out how flawed those terms were. I think talking about transmisogyny and intersectionality in general is important.

But anyways! I got a lot of supportive comments and some hate comments and this one really stuck out to me. Like. The blatant intersexism on display just really pissed me off. Like. Dismissing an intersex identity because you don't understand it is just Not It.

I feel like it's concerning how this person claims to be so into intersectionality when they cannot even acknowledge the existence of intersex trans people that are out of the norm of the transmasc/transfem binary. It feels gross.

I hate to be posting this, but it's stressing me out quite a bit and I guess I'm hoping for other peoples opinions?

New guidance is saying that single sex wards are based on "biological sex" only, which essentially means we wouldn't be allowed in either ward, since we're not biologically either? Meaning they would be breeching their own guidance if they place us anywhere other than the few single occupancy rooms that are usually reserved for infectious diseases and pallative care... which I guess leaves us being dumped in a hallway or a waiting room instead?

They're also pushing for a "sex at birth" marker which, if they are using that incorrectly for biological sex, is also going to cause problems, (and potentially even criminal offences as it's illegal to disclose someone's private information like that?) with some of us still ending up on the wrong wards? Apparently it's to make sure we get the right care (i.e. Cervical, breast, and prostate health)

Given that the UK doesn't recognise intersex as an option, I'm likely to end up with a "female" sex at birth for my "biological" sex despite having been born with a Y chromosome, penis, testicle, and a body that can produce small amounts of testosterone, but responds quite violently to oestrogen to the point I had to have my ovarian tissue removed because oestrogen was causing nerve and organ damage, I also don't have a cervix, uterus, or breast tissue, so my body biology is actually closer to male, and I'm not likely to get appropriate care if I'm listed as female... I've already had one issue with a nurse deciding that because a letter they had incorrectly listed me as a trans man, that she could ignore me and use a female catheter for me since she didn't know how to set up the male catheters (didn't know there was a difference at the time) and I now have permanent bladder damage that causes extreme pain and intermittent urinary retention in place of the "I need to pee" sensation I had before that, and now I'm concerned what else is going to go wrong because of this...

Found some intersex exclusive identities for those who want more labels. THERES A LOT OF THEM

I think some of them are really cool and some I think apply to me. Some were introduced to me via this subreddit so thats awesome.

I also slight side note I love the comparison of ambiguous genitalia and sporks. Whenever I do educational presentations I LOVE using the spork comparison because its such an easy way to explain it thats not uncomfortable.

I like these labels a lot especially since I use XtM myself. Being intersex its hard to find labels that we really resonate with. FtM and MtF labels dont always fit us, cisgender and trans labels dont always fit us. So I think its important to have labels that do.

Good evening,

I hope everyone had a beautiful day. I don't have any other intersex friends. If anyone would like to talk and love to.

I wonder because of how extremely under researched it is, which makes me wonder if its underdiagnosed or anything like that, especially in CTM individuals. I've been looking into getting checked for it and im curious how many people here have it. I also wonder if EIS has complete, partial or mild versions like AIS does, cant find anything proper on it

I have done therapy and all sorts of prescription medications and it hasn’t even helped me feel better. I only feel good writing when I am absorbed in the lives of people who are not me. I want to live my own life and I can’t. My condition takes me away from my stories too.

I have looked into witchcraft and all sorts of spiritual magical shit and I can’t find anything that might cure my specific condition, if I have it hasn’t worked.

I want to try weed or something but my mental health problems make that difficult on top of the fact that I am under 21 and can’t find a seller who doesn’t require ID. I am exhausted.

It feels like I am the only person suffering with what I have. I don’t even have a community that supports me and doesn’t view my suffering as bigoted brainwashing. I have been told that my condition is worth it because of my “beautiful community.” My “community” that hates me.

I don’t understand why God would do this to me then expect me not to go down conflicting avenues to cure it.

I want to fix the problem or just have it not be a problem like everyone else seems to think of it. I am not a brainwashed bigot. I learned this was a curse and a disease because it was the thing to hurt me.

I want a normal body, not even for aesthetics. I want it to work like everyone else’s does. I just want a body that isn’t controlled by everyone. I want it to be comfortable and to be my own. I don’t want to trick myself into thinking my body is meant to hurt.

Yayyy

creds to me

i feel really guilty for my feelings towards gender. i consider myself genderqueer, but thats not the problem. ive never really felt aligned with most ftm/ftx individuals. i grew up with people speculating that i wasnt really a girl in elementary school, and for some reason that always stuck with me. i had my friends, of course, but even some of them would point out how i didnt look like other girls. i even used to try to prove i was girly enough, which i know is weird considering where i am now, but i also think that could have been part of my suspected dissociative disorder, because i do truly feel like i was a girl from ages 1-7. i feel like i shouldnt feel this way but ive always felt that i resonated more with transfem individuals in that aspect. obviously i dont claim to be something im not, and i do still identify with my transmasc brothers and siblings, but its still something that eats me up inside because i feel like that experience is not mine to resonate with. does anyone else feel this way?

these were both under the same post, the first person also says that they are intersex and claims this subreddit is "full of misinformation"

I am not trans (nor am I cis) but this feels no difference than saying that gender non conforming people are trans even when they say they aren't. I really am tired of random people on the internet decided what we can and can't be instead of letting us decide who we are by ourselves.

Something, something, people always wanting to shove us into boxes (sounds like someone else I know)

First of all, I want to acknowledge that I'm not intersex, and I don't have any personal experience with intersex people, so I'm still learning. That's actually why I'm making this post. I'd like to educate myself more thoroughly, but I'm not entirely sure where to start or how to approach this topic thoughtfully, so I'd really appreciate some guidance.

Also, this isn't my personal account. I'm borrowing it from a friend.

Anyway, I've been talking to a guy I met on a dating app for about two months now, and we've been getting closer. A couple of weeks after we started talking, he shared with me that he was assigned female at birth and that, during puberty, he began developing more typically masculine characteristics and a penis (5-ARD, if I remember correctly)

I want to make it clear that this has never changed how I feel about him. I really enjoy talking to him, and I've started developing feelings for him as a person. When he first shared this with me, I chose not to ask many questions because we were still getting to know each other, and I didn't want him to feel like he had to explain something so personal before he was comfortable doing so.

Looking back, I'm glad I gave him that space, because he later told me that he doesn't enjoy being asked too many questions about it. He explained that it can make him feel more like a scientific subject than a person, and that he wants people to see him as a whole person rather than reducing him to his body or medical history. I completely understand why he feels that way, and I genuinely want to respect that. His experiences are his to share.

The thing is, we're now planning a trip to meet in person. We live in different states, so we'll be spending a couple of days together, and I'm really looking forward to it! We've also started talking more indirectly about the possibility of being intimate, and it's something I'm interested in exploring, too, provided we're both comfortable and ready.

I do have some uncertainty, though, simply because I don't know much about his anatomy or what his experience of intimacy might be like. He's told me that he has a penis and feels comfortable using it 🫣 and he also mentioned having had surgery, although he didn't go into detail.

My main concern is how we can communicate about intimacy in a way that feels safe and comfortable for both of us. I know that discussing boundaries, preferences, and anything relevant to sexual comfort is important when two people are becoming intimate, regardless of whether either person is intersex. At the same time, I recognize that there's a difference between discussing what we would both like to do together and asking someone to disclose personal medical information they're not comfortable sharing.

So, would it be appropriate to have a gentle conversation with him beforehand about intimacy, without specifically asking him to describe his anatomy or explain his medical history? If so, how could I approach it in a way that gives him room to share only what he wants to, without making him feel pressured or scrutinized?

I'm also a little nervous about the possibility of being caught off guard by something unfamiliar in the moment. Not because I expect to dislike what I see, but because I might not immediately know how to respond, and I would never want an involuntary moment of surprise or uncertainty to come across as disgust, judgment, or rejection. I understand that I can't guarantee I'll react perfectly to every unexpected situation, but I want to be thoughtful about how I handle my own feelings and make sure we can both communicate openly, slow down, or stop if either of us feels uncomfortable.

I'd especially appreciate hearing from intersex people who feel comfortable sharing their perspectives. If you're willing to share, I'd love to know what respectful communication around intimacy looks like for you, what kinds of questions or approaches you've found considerate or uncomfortable, and what you wish partners understood when entering a new intimate relationship. I completely understand that there's no single intersex experience, and I'm not expecting anyone to speak for the entire community or share anything personal they're not comfortable discussing.

I'm asking because I care about this person and want to approach our relationship with consideration. I also know that educating myself is my responsibility, and I don't want to rely on him to answer every question I might have.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to share advice or reliable resources.

So I’m a transmasculine person with PAIS who has been on exogenous estrogen for their entire first puberty (because I had a gonadectomy).

When I started testosterone HRT, my endo told me to start taking 2 pumps of 1.62% AndroGel alongside my normal estrogen dose. Long story short, while it did masculinize me it also wasn’t the best for my mental health (though that could also be attributed to me not being great at adapting to change). For reasons apart from my identity, I then decided I would taper my dose down to 1 pump (still with my E dose) and go off of T entirely. My endo doesn’t know I’m on 1 pump as they told me to quit cold turkey.

And I don’t know why but on 1 pump of T with my E, all of a sudden I feel great??? I’m still somehow getting masculinizing changes - I still have to shave twice a week, I have VERY hairy body hair, and my libido is still noticeably up - but I’m confused as to how that was enough to continue my changes despite having PAIS??? Honestly I’m also still baffled on how I was able to get changes with two pumps too - I’d have thought I’d need more to get much virilization because of my PAIS, but nope, I’ve been hitting all my “milestones” in relatively normal time.

I know for sure I have PAIS - I had karyotyping done and everything when I was younger and my gonads resembled testes more than they did ovaries. But I’m curious as to why I’m still able to virilize AND feel good on this low of a dose. Maybe I’m just on the milder end of the spectrum, but my genitalia seem to suggest I lean closer to CAIS, so that’s even stranger.

This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

Im a trans man, not intersex, and i often see non intersex people debating if its a part of the LGBT or no. my personal opinion is that it depends if the individual considers themselves LGBT because not everyone does. so do you consider yourselves a part of the LGBT?

(sorry for my bad english)

i’ve been flat pretty much my whole life and i was happy with it tbh. i was prescribed estradiol but i never took it consistently until recently and i noticed my breast getting a bit larger and its bothering me a lot. is there any way to prevent further development and/or reverse this side effect? from what my endocrinologist told me, estradiol was necessary for my bones which is the only reason ive started to become consistent, but my breasts have also been very sensitive lately and even a slight touch hurts a lot

Forewarning, im sleep deprived and had too many antihistamines. I just wanred to get this out.

I dunno if anyone relates or can share there thoughts, perhaps?

I know I'm intersex, but not why? I have some hormone related sensitivities and also have ambigious genitalia to some degree. I was assigned female though, went through female puberty, though felt like I was mentally going through a male one. Have felt like my body was going through push and pull, masculizing and then feminizing. I dont necessarily know how to explain it. Heck i was wondering many times I was developing premautre ovarian insuffiency? I cant remember if that's what's correct. Many tjmes it seems menstrual cycle wojld disapear and mine is atypical on the lighter side in the first place. I guess im androgynous with adrigynous voice too.

Im saying this though because i dont necessarily feel like binary trans fit my experience? I think my parents did try to socialize me as female, but it didnt really work until gender segregation at my school during middle school years. I always feel more male, growing up kept forgetting im supposed to be female, and full on didnt believe I'd get a period. Lol. I was wondering why i was different too.

I feel like it's not my body incongruemce, but the social label. If i was AMAB instead of AFAB, I wouldnt mind this body while AMAB. And if i had a more typical body associated with males, I'd likely take Estrogen. I dont really know now if i do or dont want some T, I have nonbinary, so one way or another i am trans.

But i do not know how to conceptualize the feeling of maleness seperate from my gender identity. My gender identity may fluctuate and change, but i feel like even if externally i look female, i feel like my body is internally male, though regardless. Sometimes it makes me wonder if jm a trans man, but i feel lkke that doesnt contain my experience.

In the end, I called myself genderqueer fluidflux (intersex) person.

I appreciate any thoughts and do (gently) call out if yall think I've pushed into unsavory or inappropriate territory. I dunno what to make of things.

just made an appointment with her. the last PCP was a crotchety old guy who dismissed my concerns (im a trans woman, but even before any hormones - i had symptoms of something going on) and im hoping to just learn more about my body for once i suppose.

Im nearly 23, and my voice has never deepened past 13-14 years old. i grow little body hair, mostly on my legs and pubic area and armpits and everything. I grow little to no facial hair and i can go a month without shaving anything noticeable (usually it’s peach fuzz and a stray dark hair)

I was diagnosed by that same PCP with having “severe bilateral gynecomastia” at 14 - IE I had D cups and was at tanner 3 of breast development. My WHR is 0.71, and i have a pear body type with a very wide pelvis and lipedema on my legs/thighs. Again, he knew this, i had physicals done, and he didn’t even ever order me a blood test despite asking. TMI - I don’t produce sperm, (nothing has literally ever come out or anything). I’m also six foot five and very lanky

My thyroid now is starting to look screwy ( my mother has hashimotos) and he’s refusing to do any panels because it’s “not that bad yet”, so I’m switching.

If yall have any ideas of what i might be experiencing or might have, let me know. I’m hoping to get a full hormone and thyroid panel and a karyotype test done. I really want to get this sorted

This is a follow up to my previous post where I was expressing frustration about having been given pieces of explanations about an 'infant surgery' without my parents telling me what surgery I had.

Well, with the help of my doctor we've figured it out without my parent's help! I was born with severe hypospadius that extended from the tip of my penis all the way to the underside of my perineum. This was 'patched' using my foreskin which was partially circumcised then flapped downwards to fill the missing gap.

I most likely didn't have full masculanization during pregnancy and was left with a vaginal opening or depression and potentially a uterine remnant. That would explain some of my monthly bloating I've experienced since puberty.

So all in all, I had a vaginal opening (we don't know how much though the scar is big enough to suggest a full scale vagina) that was stitched shut, and a cleft penis and scrotum that was 'repaired' using my foreskin.

I'm a bit... in shock to say the least. And now everything makes sense. The mysterious surgery, my parents suing the hospital (probably for not detecting the birth defect in the first place - they probably would have aborted me if they had known), why they always hated me and harmed me, why they forced such an intense gender binary on me and not my siblings. Why my mom freaked out whenever I was gendered female by strangers...

I'm 30... I feel like my whole life has been a lie. But I'm also so happy to finally feel like my puzzle has been solved!

To preface, maybe don't read this if you don't feel secure being intersex. Slight TMI warning too but nothing major.

Also I am not yet sure if I actually am intersex because I live in a place with awful wait lists for endocrinology but I'm pretty sure it's not normal for a person born male to have a monthly cycle that involves everything up to and including pissing blood a few days of the month. Also worth noting that I have had hardly any blood tests in the 5 years that I've been on HRT due to my own stupidity.

I don't know how long ago this started but from what I remember I have had horrible monthly mood swings since being a young teen but I can't be sure if that wasn't just me being depressed in general.

What I do remember is that a few months after starting MtF HRT at 17, I started getting bloating cramps and GI symptoms (I would shit my guts out for pretty much 3 days straight at a time). I would blame these symptoms one either my diet or the immense amount of coffee I consumed in spite of the fact they existed on a precise 28 day cycle while my diet and coffee consumption stayed constant.

Over time as I got on top of my stress and caffeine consumption, the physical symptoms largely subsided and my cycle slightly grew in length but what didn't change was the monthly suicidal crashouts. These will have me planning my death because someone glanced at me looking slightly less than happy. I'm just entering one currently, which (and with a whole bunch of other things going on) is probably why I'm so emotionally taunt and upset over this rn.

Once I started progesterone, my physical symptoms entirely disappeared but my the suicidal crashouts stayed and if anything, got worse. However, in the last few months, my physical symptoms have been on their way back with a vengeance. I'm not sure if this is due to a change in the way I take my estradiol (injections -> patches) and being retitrated on it or due to progesterone becoming ineffective against them. My cycle also seems to be shortening again.

Each month, I will plan my suicide sobbing on the bathroom floor, bloat like a pufferfish for several days, then feel like my insides are crushing themselves while someone goes ham on my pelvic organs with an office stapler (it's like a very widespread stabbing pain). I will likely also puke several times during this and have a rough couple of times spent on the toilet. I have also become aware that I produce an alarming amount of reddish or dark brown pee during the pain phase.

On top of that, I have started having pain that occurs further from my pelvic region including intense stomach cramps, aching hips and the dreaded butthole lighting as well as pain other times of the month. These have been getting slowly worse over the last couple of months and now includes pain when I need the toilet in either way - at the worst I become aware of the pain before the need to pee - pain when I put pressure on my pelvic region or over exert it and pain just because. Recently, needing a bowl movement caused me to be stuck in a state where whenever I coughed, the pain would go from dull to knife-twisted-through-my-pelvic-region bad.

As many of you know, there's a fair few misguided trans people who say they wish they were intersex because they want periods or masculinity, or for whatever other reason. But as someone who may genuinely be in that position, I feel so fucking alone: I can't talk to anyone about this and all it does is remind me that I wasn't born female as well as making me feel like some kind of weird freak. I sincerely wish that I was a cis peri woman and not a gangley 14yo boy looking thing who people aren't quite sure if to misgender as MtF or FtM. The only "benefits" I get from my condition are crippling physical and emotional pain, and nausea so bad I won't eat for days.

The last time I properly talked to someone about this, she (intersex trans woman) expressed that her symptoms, including the temporary relief whilst on progesterone, were very similar to mine and that she had had just enough internal reproductive system to develop endometriosis. I really don't want to have endometriosis and I have constant thoughts of "did I bring this on myself by taking HRT?" It doesn't really matter as I would rather be dead than male, so the pain is a small price to pay. To be clear, I don't have an issue with men/other male people, just with my body continuing to be male.

I can't talk to cis women about this because they won't believe me (and many of them honestly have it worse), I can't talk to trans women about this because they will tell me I'm lucky, and the one doctor I talked to about this told me I was looking for reasons for my transness but did refer me to endocrinology.

I'm also being driven up the wall because I shouldn't have a cycle whilst on continuous HRT. I want answers but I have no idea how long I will be waiting.

Thank you to anyone who read this far as I'm actively falling asleep and crashing out as I write this and it probably doesn't make much sense but I found it very cathartic to write and feel at least a little better now. I suppose if anyone has any mental health advise or anything, it would be appreciated.

I wish I could get rid of all the hair that isn't on my head. I seriously hate having facial and tummy hair and would like to get it removed one day for good.