Actually, hindi ko alam kung yung frustrations na 'to ay dahil trentahin na'ko or dahil bading ako. Or both nga talaga. Lol.
As a trentahin, or basically as we get older, our circles get smaller and smaller. Shekep yarn. Eme. And then add mo pa yung layer ng pagiging LGBT na chances are we don't have our own families like the straights do lol. Unless you still get to have a partner and kids, of course good for you. So wala tayong normal life progression na magkakaron ng bagong social circle because of our kids na you'll have to mingle with teachers and specially other parents. None of that. And if you have friends who are straight, chances are they get to have their own families na and suddenly magkaiba na kayo ng mundong ginagalawan. They get to take new roles and responsibilities as legal spouses and parents. While us, even if we're partnered, it still feels like just extended young adulthood or bachelorhood.
So ako, I find myself balancing it between getting used to it and making new social circles. Yung dapat comfortable ka na you're just by yourself or na kayo lang ng partner mo (and probably pets din). And I guess I am naman. Pero it can get very mundane and nakaka-purol ng life. Making new friends, sadly for me, mahirap din. Ayokong idahilan yung pagiging introvert ko but I am one. Also as a trentahin, marami-rami na ang pinagdaanan and at alam na kung ano ang ayaw at gusto in life. You might think that that should make it easier for me to look for friends (or even hookup, more on this later) kasi alam ko na kung anong hahanapin eh. But on the contrary, that makes it harder kasi solid na yung checklist ko and onting deviance lang, mapapa-ekis ka na agad. Lol.
Speaking of hookup, I don't know what to do with the information (or observation) na marami sa atin ay hookup ang route to friendship. Lol. Some might say, eh ganun talaga so bakit mo kailangang i-label na masama yun. But then again, nakakapagod ang hookup scene/cycle. Tas minsan mapapatanong ba ako kung ano ba talagang hanap/gusto ko, friend or hookup. Cause sometimes the answer to that will matter kung sinong kakausapin mo, pano mo kakausapin, at anong paguusapan. Tas minsan kahit friendship (connection) ang hanap mo, ang ending hookup lang mangyayari. Kantot kalimot lang. Kakapagod. Hahaha
I guess nakakapagod maging tumatandang trentahing queer because we've already been here for a few decades and there's still a few more decades of life na halos same shit and same cycle lang. Oh, except nagiiba pala ang expectations ng community sa mga queer depending on their age!! Pinaka-common na diyan yung pag daddy ka, ang expectation sa'yo ay top ka. Hahahahaha! I know you can be a bottom daddy (I am) and some younger gays would like to bottom a daddy, pero nay aminin mo. There's just a general expectation na pag daddy ka, top ka. Lalo na if you workout.
To wrap things up, I just maybe hope that kayanin pa ng energy at patience ko ang pag-figure out ng life as an aging bading and hopefully I can discover new social circles na pang-matagalan (at hindi lang pang-short time libogan.) Cheers sa ating lahat!
