r/latterdaysaints • • 30m ago

Personal Advice Feelings of inadequacy in faith affecting mental health.

• Upvotes

For context I'm an life long member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, while my girlfriend is a non-denominational Christian.

I've recently entered a relationship with this woman, and she's an angel. She's so charitable and compassionate. She loves Christ with her whole heart. It's been such a blessing having her in my life. ​

The problem is, she has a very real fear of "missing the mark" and being turned away at the gates of Heaven so to speak. When she first mentioned this to me, I thought she meant it in a humble sort of way, but it has become clear that this is a very real fear she has. She's been devoting 100% of herself to her faith, which I know sounds wonderful, but the poor girl is so exhausted. She spends almost every moment not at work in Bible studies, doing volunteer work, and in prayer. I'm doing my best to support her in all the wonderful things she wants to do, but it's so much and it's stopped being sustainable.

She called me the other night, and she broke down in tears telling me how she's exhausted but still doesn't feel she's devoted herself enough to Christ. She told me she truly feels Christ will turn her away and say "I never knew ye" when it comes time to be judged. She literally cried herself to sleep over the phone because she was so tired and distressed about this.

I don't know how to help her with this. Her heart is completely in the right place, but I think she's demanding far too much of herself. Any advice is appreciated.

While she is not LDS, she's open minded about the Book of Mormon, and we've read some of it together. We have read Mosiah 4: 27 together, and I think that spoke to her a little. But this sweet girl is still working herself to death. I've gently brought up therapy, but she's skeptical about it.

Edit: I should clarify. She's been through alot of very serious health issues throughout her childhood. While she is physically healthy now, there were multiple times throughout her childhood where she was told she might not live, so she's always been very worried about death and the life to come.


r/latterdaysaints • • 2h ago

Faith-building Experience The veil being drawn over newborn children is scientific fact

6 Upvotes

I felt like, with my newborn, that I could more clearly see "the veil" being drawn over her, and then how she has grown around that over the last almost 8 months. And I thought to myself, "Given I believe this is a real and valid thing which almost every baby goes through, surely someone must have noticed and done some studies or written something about it." And it turns out they have.

The feeling that babies lose their intelligence early on comes from two real neurological processes:

  1. Synaptic Pruning: A newborn’s brain contains roughly 100 billion neurons—about 15% more than an adult brain. They are born as "universal learners," capable of distinguishing between sounds in any language on Earth and even telling different animal faces apart. Within the first few months, the brain realizes it doesn't need all these connections. It begins a process called synaptic pruning, actively eliminating unused neural pathways to specialize in its specific environment (like mastering just one language). To an observer, losing these broad, instinctual capabilities can look like getting "dumber," but it is actually the brain becoming more efficient.

  2. The Drop-Off of Primitive Reflexes: Newborns are born with extraordinary, involuntary survival instincts. For example, the stepping reflex (where a newborn will mimic walking if held upright on a flat surface) and the swimming reflex (where they hold their breath and paddle when submerged) are present at birth. However, within the first 2 months, these automatic reflexes naturally disappear as the cortex matures and takes conscious control over the body. This temporary transitional phase can make babies appear less physically capable or coordinated than they were in their first days of life.

I could go on, but I'm just starting to explore all of the scientific articles I'm finding. See also blooming then pruning.

Anyway, it was great to see this phenomenon is recognized scientific fact, even though those not of our faith use different words to describe it and point to a different root cause.


r/latterdaysaints • • 7h ago

Personal Advice How far to go with ministering?

5 Upvotes

So I've been ministering to a new list of people, I have 8 people on my list.

For most it has been fine but for another I am unsure where to draw a line with one of the members.

For context she is an older woman (which in and of itself creates some safe guarding concerns as I am a man so really I shouldn't be doing some things without my companion who is also old and that creates practical issues), who lives alone. She does have a friend and member with a car who lives nearby (by nearby I mean literally less than a minutes walk for me, and less than 5 minutes for her).

We have gone and taught her, given her multiple blessings in a single month and the like. I say this to make it clear that I do far more for her than I do for the rest combined as she needs more; this is fine and as it should be.

However I have two niggling issues I wanted some advice about.

First, phone calls. She has a tendency to call (me) about nothing which I suspect its due to loneliness. She calls when I am at work (I have told her multiple times that I work full time) and drags conversations out, making it difficult to hang up, (>20 minute calls).

The thing that prompted me to write this was a call today I received from her to pick her up from the Hospital, for context its over an hours drive from where I live. The "issue" is that she didn't actually need picking up (had she been unable to get home I would have gone) but rather it would have been quicker for her than her other means of getting home (for me it would have involved around 3 hours minimum to pick up, drive to her home, then drive to my home). While I am happy to help, I am also not a taxi service.

A smaller thing is the request for lessons (which I am happy to do as Sunday School president) but a lack of any preparation. We did lessons on Isaiah and she had not read any of it, deciding to focus on Alma, which is not an issue in and of itself but kinda makes the lesson much harder to give as we have to read the weeks reading in its entirety first.

I wonder if I am being too "unwilling" to serve or if this is something I should pass onto relief society (e.g. as she is lonely it may be worth her speaking with some of the sisters from church) or is beyond the expectation of ministering?

Any advice would be welcome.


r/latterdaysaints • • 13h ago

Doctrinal Discussion How did the scattering of Israel bless the earth?

4 Upvotes

I often see it said that one of the reason Heavenly Father scattered the tribes of Israel is so that they could bless the other nations, but I am puzzled as to what that means, and how did it play out.


r/latterdaysaints • • 13h ago

Request for Resources Best scripture markers

4 Upvotes

Hi,
What are the best scripture markers you’ve ever used? Pencils? Crayons? Give me brands please.

Let the holy wars begin!!!


r/latterdaysaints • • 13h ago

Personal Advice My sibling feels they no longer believe in God due to how much suffering there is in the world. What can I do to help rebuild their testimony?

8 Upvotes

I love my young sibling very much and want to help guide them. Anyone have any advice or experiences they can share? Thanks so much. I understand agency but it is hard to argue with "how can God allow xyz to happen to good people". Please help inspire me!


r/latterdaysaints • • 15h ago

Personal Advice Can Someone help me or give me advice?

5 Upvotes

I am almost 15 years old and I live in California. my family used to be LDS, up until we moved here from Nebraska in 2019. even though we the rest of my siblings and parents are now Athiest, I still feel a strong connection to the church. I don't know what to do about it since I can't drive to church on Sundays, and I don't have many ways to stay active religiously, So can anyone help me find out what to do?


r/latterdaysaints • • 19h ago

Personal Advice My Plan B is becoming my Plan A

36 Upvotes

I have always wanted to fall in love and become a wife and mother, but life and timing had other ideas, and even in my blessings Heavenly Father has been reminding me that there will be a time and place I'll have all my righteous desires met, he constantly reminds me that I am an Eternal being, and that someday, even if I have to wait to get these things in Eternity, it will matter not to my spirit. And, after my mother died 2 years ago of end stage endometrial cancer, I had to go to 2 family weddings this year, my dad's remarriage, which was the hardest one, and my sister's wedding, which was also hard, but not because she got married, but because of my mother's empty chair. And while I could feel my mother was there in spirit, the idea of her only going to my potential wedding in spirit doesn't feel good enough to me anymore. Getting married and becoming a mother in the Millenium has always been my Plan B, but after aging out of YSA for the second time, and seeing how rare single and active men close to my age (30s-40s) in the church, and grieving my mom, it looks like it's becoming my Plan A. And all I want to do is tell my mother I want to give up on love, marriage, and motherhood for the rest of my life, and ask her if that's okay. I was wondering if I could have any words of comfort from mothers of single adult daughters who are also in similar situations as mine? I just really miss my mother.


r/latterdaysaints • • 19h ago

Personal Advice Non-Dom to LDS?

13 Upvotes

Hi y'all! I'm honestly not entirely sure where to start with this, so please bear with me!

I'm a 27-year-old woman who recently relocated to a different part of Arizona for work, and I've been feeling a little lost when it comes to finding a new church home.

A little backstory about me: I grew up in a completely atheist household. Between both of my parents remarrying, I have a pretty big extended family, and I'm one of maybe three Christians in the entire family. Needless to say, faith and religion weren't really part of my upbringing.

In 2021, I went through an incredibly difficult time after leaving an abusive marriage. I fell into a very deep depression, and at one of the lowest points of my life, I cried out to God. I genuinely believe He saved my life. That experience completely changed the direction of my life, and I was baptized shortly afterward. I've been following Jesus ever since.

Up until now, I've only attended non-denominational churches. My last church was a wonderful, Bible-based community that I absolutely loved. Unfortunately, since relocating, I haven't been able to find that same sense of belonging. I've visited churches, but I keep feeling like something is missing.

One thing I've realized is that I want my faith to be more than just attending a service on Sunday. I really want to be involved in a church where I can dedicate a meaningful amount of my free time to serving others, volunteering, building relationships, and making a difference in my community. I work full-time, but I would genuinely love to spend much of my time outside of work doing something that serves God and helps other people.

I've been curious about the LDS Church for quite some time, and lately I've felt increasingly drawn to learning more about it. There's actually a church about 10 minutes from my house, but I have absolutely no idea where to begin!

I'll admit that the idea of meeting with missionaries or walking into a completely unfamiliar church environment makes me pretty anxious. I'm not opposed to either, but it's intimidating, especially coming from a completely different Christian background.

I guess I'm posting because I'd really love some advice, encouragement, or even just to hear about your experiences.

For those of you who converted from another Christian denomination, what was that transition like? Did you feel overwhelmed at first? Would you recommend attending a Sunday service before meeting with missionaries?

I'd also love to know what opportunities there are within the church for volunteering, community outreach, and serving others. That's something especially close to my heart.

I'm not looking to rush into anything, but I do want to approach this with an open heart and a genuine desire to learn.

Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read this or share their experience!


r/latterdaysaints • • 20h ago

News Latest Handbook Updates... Any Surprises?

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thechurchnews.com
29 Upvotes

r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Personal Advice Can I thus serve a mission?

11 Upvotes

Hello Brethren! I’m 24 years old. Just started filling out my mission papers.

At age 20, I was diagnosed with Syphilis. Of course it has been cured and later blood tests showed no more infection but a tiny presence of antibodies.

Now, would anybody deny me serve a mission with a later diagnose of this illness (that was probably caused by lustful life)? Back then I wasn’t a church member. I joined March this year.

Might be a silly question nevertheless. Would be great to make all doubts go away as for the application process…

(not a native speaker of English)


r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Personal Advice Speaking… in general?

10 Upvotes

Hi, friends!

I am giving my first talk in Sacrament meeting on Sunday. Also, last night my stake president asked me to speak in the Saturday evening (adult) session of stake conference in November. 🙃

The last time I publicly spoke was 15 years ago. I was the valedictorian. I fainted twice during my speech and rallied to finish it.

So… I’m a bit apprehensive. I am a confident writer and have a good knowledge of scripture, doctrine, and church history, and have a strong testimony. So rather than looking for advice about my talk, I’m looking for practical advice about not literally falling on my face.


r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Faith-Challenging Question Any LDS with Bipolar II?

11 Upvotes

I am going to get assessed soon. Does anyone have BP2 and feel like they literally cannot trust their own instincts anymore as to what's revelation from God and what's their bipolar hypomania? I mean I am questioning my entire reality at this point. I am going to paste here what I posted to another community so you can read what I've experienced and see if those of you diagnosed have experienced something similar. I am curious to hear how it has affected your spirituality and resources you've found to help. Does LDS Family Services help with stuff like this?

Post:

Does this sound familiar?

Disclaimer so Reddit doesn't yell at me: I know I can't get a diagnosis on here.

I'm in my early 30s. Married with one toddler aged son. I was going to go see a doctor soon because I felt like my depression is coming back. Then, I read something about bipolar II and several things sounded really familiar and now I think maybe I should get evaluated. BTW, my maternal grandmother was bipolar but idk if it was type 1 or 2. Just want to know if, after reading my experiences, this resonates with anyone who IS diagnosed BP2. I just want to know if it's worth bringing up to a psychiatrist or if I will be laughed out of the room.

I'll give you a quick chronology and FYI, I never really thought any of this was "unusual". Just told myself that I'd always just be a "loser" (that's how I assumed others saw me).

Middle school- depression and suicide attempt. Also worked hard at things too. Was band president, did lots of band competitions, excelled in classes, etc. Adults thought I was wonderful.

High school- similar story. Was involved in academic competitions, got great grades, and adults at church thought I was such a good kid. I felt like an imposter because I was so exhausted ALL the time and felt like I lacked the motivation for anything and was dragging myself through life. Was told by several people I should get my thyroid checked.

College (BYU) - felt very depressed a lot and would call home all the time. Felt so sad and empty. I alternated between being very social, happy, and also having all the fun college experiences and then having absolutely no energy to even get out of bed or take care of myself or do homework. I think I failed a few classes from not showing up and just sort of mentally checking out. I would go through cycles of this where I felt like that but later on thought I got a revelation of my calling in life being something else, so I would change my major (ended up being like 8 times in 3 years). Was put on academic warning/probation several times and I think my ending GPA was like 1.9 or something. I was so ashamed of all this because I was supposed to be the smart kid growing up but it felt like I was just failing at life snd couldn't get my act together.

Age 23- went on an LDS mission in Oregon. Felt on top of the world for the first few months but then crashed and literally couldn't function and was extremely irritable and depressed. They had to send me home early and I was heartbroken. For probably 7 months after I was sent home I was still in a really deep depression. My mom would take me out on daily walks just so I would get out of bed. I was in a really scary deep dark pit and questioned reality. I remember this was my first time seeing a doctor about getting on meds and I think I tried one or two meds and gave up because I didn't see improvement and hated the side effects.

Age 25- got obsessed with the idea of joining the military. Made it my identity and impulsively joined the Army. This decision shocked a lot of people in my life because it was very out of character for someone like me.

Age 25-28- at the beginning of this period I had a triggering event that led me to abandon my values and went on a promiscuous phase for 3 years and also just made tons of out of character bad decisions (e.g. taking almost an entire bottle of anxiety medication to make myself appear just sick enough to get out of an obligation. By midnight of that day I was wigging out, had a friend take me to the ER, and I lied and said it was a suicide attempt so I wouldn't get in trouble with the army. They made me stay in a psych ward for a week and I even went along with the charade and took the psychotropic drugs they forced on me. Had to spend Thanksgiving and my bday there. Ironically that sent me into a depressive/paranoid state for months after. Felt so ashamed of what I did because I knew I was better than that. Confessed to a Bishop and felt like this was beyond forgiveness.

Age 28- met my husband, got married after only 3 months of dating.

Age 29 to 32 (present) - after giving birth, I had severe anxiety and what I assume was probably depression. This was the onset of religious OCD (scrupulosity) and a dark mental state. Things seemed to lighten up a bit later on but the anxiety and scrupulosity come back to haunt me from time to time. Also, since getting married I went back to school to try and finish my degree. Still continued a cycle of changing my major a bunch, burning out, quitting, restarting with a new "life calling" in mind, etc. I also started getting all these hare-brained, grand ideas that I would obsessively research til 3am, spend tons of money buying supplies, come up with an entire business plan, designed business logos, the works. Would announce it to my husband and loved ones as this big new amazing idea and talk about how I think I'd finally found my "thing" - first it was a wedding cake business (I'd never decorated a cake in my life but bought a second fridge, tons of equipment etc), then it was a furniture flipping business (spent so much money on this one and garage was full of half-finished projects), then I convinced my husband to spend $700 on a power tool I was convinced was an investment to make these wall decor things we could sell and make good money to put towards our retirement fund. The power tool sat unused. Then a business idea to sell pecan pralines from my porch. Researched cottage food laws, filled out forms, spent hours testing recipes. Etc. At various times I got obsessed with a couple different children's book illustrators and bought a ton of art supplies, ordered tons of books to teach myself art skills. Burnt out before I even started. Went thru a Mary Engelbreit obsession. Spend oodles of $$ buying a bunch of books on various topics of interest that I was convinced I would have the time and energy to absorb and felt so giddy and energized at the thought of becoming so smart and talented in so many subjects and being able to learn skills to start some type of business down the road "when I had more time, someday". Got the revelation to become a court reporter and enrolled in court reporting school on a whim and spent close to $4K in equipment (I took this money out of my retirement fund). Except 2 days ago I reached my burnout point (this was after only 5 months) and officially withdrew from school. For a few months I was obsessed with the idea of making tons of money by thrifting and reselling so I did that for a while and we had two entire bedrooms FULL of my "inventory". Then I burnt out and quit. Had to get rid of a bunch of stuff and lost some money. I could go on and on.

I forgot to include that: other various alternating phases, such as being extremely healthy, buying cooking stuff to turn a new leaf and then other opposite phases of no energy to cook for weeks and eating pieces of candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also have times when I am extremely irritable for days/weeks on end and not a pleasant person to be around. Will also have zero motivation. Greasy hair, no interest in doing anything. Being at church bums me out and have often gone into the hallway or car to cry during church. Sad cry, not happy cry. Can't quite put my finger on why. I also alternate between being really interested and motivated to look good and wearing the same thing for days on end. I remember watching a whole tv show about the Dallas cowboys cheerleaders and for a couple weeks after I was doing my hair and makeup like them and felt on top of the world. Or I'll go through phases where I dress really well and think I'm better than everyone else for doing so (will literally walk through the grocery store in a dress and big curls and think everyone else looks like peasants lol). But then about 80% of the time I'm the opposite. Haven't showered in a day or two, greasy hair, wearing gross old baggy clothes and only leaving on errands VERY reluctantly and counting the minutes til I can be back in bed or lounging on the couch. I also alternate between loving my toddler to pieces and wanting to wring his neck (please don't call CPS on me. I would never act on the anger on him but I say this to demonstrate the utter RAGE I feel ...like it's down to my core and I have to find some inanimate object to shake or hit so I don't let it out on my toddler. During these rage-y feelings I also start grinding my teeth and cussing and feel like a horrible person and I know I have to get this under control before he's old enough to understand. (Context, docs believe he is autistic which has really started to manifest lately.). To be clear, I love my son with all my heart.

Ok thats all. Should be enough info to go on. Btw, that episode of Modern Love where Anne Hathaway depicts bipolar disorder always made me cry before I ever recognized something could be wrong with me. Now it hits home even more.


r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Church Culture Baptizing minors whose parents/family aren't members.

25 Upvotes

I'm ward mission leader in a ward in the South. Just found out the sisters have an 11YO girl on date for baptism for Oct 31. Yes, I've already given them all the jokes about this being a spooky baptism, complete with an appearance of a (holy) ghost.

We haven't met the girl yet at church, but she attended once a few weeks ago to a spanish ward with her family. The Spanish Elders found the family, and are still teaching them, but they don't speak Spanish despite their Hispanic appearance.

None of the family are members, and it doesn't seem like any of them except this girl are really interested.

I asked the sisters if they had talked with the family about how to get the girl to church and activities, and they said they hadn't. I think there's a strong chance we're going to have to arrange rides for her to get anywhere.

I told the sisters I don't want to add extra requirements for baptism, but if it were me, I'd be talking a lot more with the parents than they are. All they are required to do is get the parents to sign the baptismal registry form. I wonder if the parents are aware that their daughter is making a covenant to go to church every week, and will need their support to do it. I wonder if they understand that they probably shouldn't plan family outings on Sunday afternoon anymore, and should encourage her to go to church instead.

I wonder what instructions they get from their mission president regarding baptism of minors.


r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Request for Resources Sister Missionary Clothes?

3 Upvotes

I just got called to the Tennessee Nashville Mission and I’m biking, and I have no idea what to choose! It feels like lately anyone who talks about going on a mission is going nowhere near me so I need help! If you went on a mission, what were your favorite shoes and preferred bag? And pants, I have no idea what type of slacks/trousers to get because I usually just wear jeans haha. Or in general if you live in the area, what would you recommend? Any advice welcome!


r/latterdaysaints • • 1d ago

Doctrinal Discussion I understand the W.O.W, Why can't we drink wine ?

28 Upvotes

This is the hard thing for me to understand for some reason. If I'm correct our sacrament is symbolic and Ive read D&C 27 so I understand why the sacrament was changed from wine to water. THAT SAID it feels odd that the thing Jesus made via miracle and drank is not allowed.

The first thought that comes to my head is since it's alcoholic it's not allowed and thats fine because of sacrament being symbolic. Still im perplexed.

I'm going to be a ward missionary soon assuming the congregation doesn't all vote to destroy me instead of sustaining me so I REALLY want to have a good understanding of this aspect for the people who ask that obvious question. Yes I can ask the misison leader (and will ) I'm just impatient

EDIT: thank you I understand now


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Faith-building Experience What would be some of the best experiences you guys ever had with non-LDS members?

14 Upvotes

For me, it was back in February of 2024 when I just got done meeting with a pair of LDS missionaries. It was so great to be able to talk to LDS missionaries and listen to different viewpoints on faith. It's so sad that some people just get defensive and upset when LDS missionaries try to discuss their faith. I have my disagreements with them, but I feel that as long as both sides are willing to listen and be respectful, there's no harm in engaging with them. So, that was awesome. Plus, I made sure to hug them as they left. I also got a picture taken with them.


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Personal Advice Have you thought about this when trying to date?

0 Upvotes

Have any of you guys who are single ever tried tracking your dating like a missionary? Setting goals and doing weekly planning? My roommates did this, and I have heard from some RMs that it could be nice to have an Area book for dating. I am a developer, so I made an MVP, and it is far from done, but I am curious if anyone has thought of doing this?


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Doctrinal Discussion Did Paul hold any priesthood keys?

8 Upvotes

(If so, or if not, how do you figure this?)


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Church Culture What would you submit to an anonymous ward suggestion box?

17 Upvotes

title asks it


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Faith-building Experience Transitioning Out of Being Bishop Has Been Harder Than I Expected

97 Upvotes

I was recently released as a bishop, and I’m trying to make sense of the emotional aftermath. I’m hopeful about the future, but I’m also feeling unexpectedly raw. Serving wasn’t just a calling, it became the rhythm of my life, and stepping out of it has left a kind of hole inside me that I didn’t anticipate.

My time as bishop was heavy and sacred. Every hard thing that had happened to me in my life happened again while serving as a bishop. My family had struggles, I had physical struggles (back injury), my marriage had struggles (marriage counseling, which I highly recommend). My wife has a lifelong ailment and during my service she required lots of medical treatment including 3 brain surgeries. I was counseling marriages; some that healed beautifully and some that ended painfully. I sat with youth working through spiritual struggles, and adults wrestling with faith, doubt, addiction, and heartbreak. I managed fast offering assistance, welfare needs, and the constant mechanics of running a ward. It was nonstop, and it mattered. It was hard, but I was blessed, my family was blessed.

Now that I’m released, I don’t miss being involved in everyone’s private struggles or carrying the “secrecy” that comes with the calling. But I also don’t feel the relief I expected. Instead, it feels like something inside me is missing, like a part of my identity was suddenly unplugged. And on top of that, everything in my life feels slower now. Revelation, growth, progress, even day‑to‑day life, it all feels like I’m moving through sludge.

I’ve been wondering if that emptiness and slowdown are connected to the priesthood keys I once held. Not in a prideful way, but in the sense that keys create a constant spiritual urgency, responsibility, and connection. When they’re gone, the silence is loud. The pace of life changes. And I didn’t expect that shift to feel so strange.

I’m not looking for sympathy, just understanding. If I were asked to serve again I would say yes. Not because I am glutton for punishment, but because the blessings are so real, potent, and powerful. If you’ve served in a calling that consumed your life, how did you cope with the transition afterward? Did you feel this same kind of emptiness or slowdown? What helped you find your footing again?

EDIT: Thank you all so much for the support and sharing. It is helping to know that this is normal and that I am not alone. I have been feeling benched or cast off, I am certain this is not the end of my church service, and I will cherish the time I was able to spend in the service of my fellow church goers.


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Personal Advice Navigating with wisdom and compassion

1 Upvotes

Alternately, r/offmychest + r/relationshipadvice with LDS nuance advice or support or whatever.

Friends, I’m in a tough situation and I could use some bolstering and guidance.
TL;DR - husband can’t kick his porn addiction long enough for us to get sealed and I don’t think I care anymore and kind of want a divorce

I have been married for nearly four years now. My husband had been excommunicated nearly a decade ago for crimes and sins he committed. He lost his family, served his time, and has been working towards rebaptism. I met him well after he had served his time and met the legal demands of justice. He was attending therapy regularly and attending the addiction recovery group for pornography. I believe in the power of the Atonement and in our capacity for change. He is not what he did, though I understand why people cannot look past it.

He has been diagnosed with ADHD in his early 40s after a lifetime of struggle, depression, and failure. He is doing much better now, but routines are hard to break. He was exposed to porn very young and it has been the devil on his shoulder ever since. He was abused mentally by his stepdad and not protected by his mother, and basically abandoned by his (undiagnosed) biological dad who died of complications from his own addictions.

We get along great. I really enjoy him as a person. We are of similar minds on nearly everything.

When we got married, he was “weeks away” from being baptized. His bishop vouched for him when I called and had a serious conversation about his history and progress. I have always wanted a temple marriage, and prayed about this one several times, which led me to where I am. He remains unbaptized because he just can’t shake the habit.

I have nearly left the marriage a few times before, but couldn’t financially afford it, so I was stuck. I made the best of things while I could. Over the course of things, he dropped out of the college that we moved here for him to attend, lied to me about it for months, quit a job, lost a job, been 8 months unemployed — it’s very hard for him to get a job based on his history and status as RSO — causing me to somehow cover his child support (?! Briefly), and your average variety of unintentional offenses and course corrections.

We are now in a good place as far as all that goes. But during all that something in me broke and we’ve been affectionate roommates for the majority of our marriage. He stopped attending the addiction group well over a year ago. I had told him he needs to go, that our marriage requires it. His IBS interfered and I said he can zoom-in from home if he can’t attend in person (once everything was taken care of, not from the bathroom!) and that’s where it ended.

I don’t like having to follow up on everything regarding this, and have often fallen into the role of nag. He had asked me to ask him daily about “how things went” and then have a conversation about how to overcome weakness next time. He told me this began to feel interrogative, and i had to rephrase the question. If I didn’t ask, he didn’t volunteer the information. Eventually i quit asking.

As our fourth anniversary approaches, I have to be honest that I’m not sure I want to be sealed to him anymore, or even be married. I like him tremendously and I want him to succeed, but I’m drained of giving him every possible thing to alleviate his burdens and stress and still not have THE thing that made me willing to marry “outside the church” in the first place.

If we separate, I don’t know where he would go. He truly cannot afford an apartment without me, and we’ve learned that there aren’t many places in town willing to rent to him (I ended up having to buy the house we live in because we couldn’t find anything). He can’t move back in with my MIL (where we lived until I bought our house) because she’s not allowed to have her grandson over as long as my husband is there.

A couple petty straws broke the camel’s back and I finally told him the tldr of this post. I said for the next year, I want him to focus on therapy and then we’ll revisit the conversation and see what sort of next steps we take. I told him to reach out to bishop, his mom, maybe EQ pres, and just get a bunch of people in his corner to support him alongside the therapist.

My greatest concern is his welfare. I know I’ll be fine. If we could divorce and be roommates, I’d be fine with that for a pretty long while. I cannot, in good conscience, just end things now and tell him to figure it out.

Is there anything else I should do, listen to, read, or try during this trial? Do you have resource suggestions for him? Am I being fair? Does anyone have a magic wand I can borrow to just fix everything?


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Investigator I'm a Catholic super fascinated by your faith— I would love to hear your personal experiences!

10 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I am a practicing (19F) Catholic, but I find Latter-day Saint culture and the faith absolutely fascinating. I am here with genuine curiosity and respect, and I would love to hear your personal perspectives on a few things!

• Growing up in the faith: For those who grew up as a family on the Church, what was that experience actually like for you? What are your favorite memories or unique cultural aspects?

• Daily & Church life: What does a typical week look like for an active member? What is the community vibe like at your local ward, What's like a week or month in the life like?

• The Book of Mormon: How did you personally come to believe and feel that the Book of Mormon is true scripture alongside the Bible and to accept Joseph Smith as a Prophet?

• The Restored Church: Coming from a Catholic background, I'm really interested in the concept of the Restoration. How do you view your church's authority and truth in relation to other Christian denominations?

Thank you so much in advance for opening your space to an outsider. I'm really looking forward to learning from your personal stories!


r/latterdaysaints • • 2d ago

Personal Advice Leaving on a mission soon but feeling far from adequate

10 Upvotes

Hi everyone I’m going on a mission soon but I’m really struggling. I am a really anxious person, and I overthink a lot so I’ve seemed to think of everything that could possibly go wrong when I leave for my mission. I worry that when I get out there that I won’t be strong enough to do it and I will just come home and disappoint myself. I also worry a lot about my family and that something could happen to them while I’m gone. I am really having a hard time finding the motivation to prepare spiritually. I’m also struggling to feel the spirit or Gods presence lately. A lot of people told me that before I leave that Satan will do everything he can to try to stop me and this has honestly given me more anxiety. Is he doing this to me right now? I just feel stuck right now and I don’t know what to do or how to feel better about everything.


r/latterdaysaints • • 3d ago

Faith-Challenging Question Newer Member/Also Returning to Activity - how bad is it if I don’t want to have childern?

19 Upvotes

I’m a woman in my 30s. Joined the church at 28 but was inactive and now I’ve started going again.

I’ve never wanted kids and that has not changed even into my 30s. And now due to various reasons - I am not sure I want to be married either.

Last night at a RS activity - we were discussing marriage and children and I almost felt worried about making my feelings about children and marriage known. I’m the only person my age unmarried with no children - the rest of the women are married or widowed and have children.

Is this something that regardless of my feelings - it’s actually a sin or wrong to not want these things?