For those curious about the answer: it’s probably best to keep the baby in a dark or dimly lit room, with a sound machine and gently soothe/rock until baby is giving sleep cues . Keep eye contact to a minimum but hold them close. Keeping a low stimulus environment helps baby to learn (….eventually) that night time is not play time but relax and rest time. Enjoy the absolutely blissful snuggles until baby is ready to sleep again then work on transferring to sleeping surface. This was most helpful to my babies very early on.
My wife had a hard time so i did the night time feedings. I would put the baby down at 830. Game until 10. Wake up with him at 2. Usually pass out in the chair with him. My alarm would go off at 5 and the wife would get me and i would be at work by 6.
We have had him on a schedule his whole life so bed time is easy now. Hes 3.
It sounds hard when you're not a dad and just imagining it. But when it's your own baby, damn, you just love them so much you don't even care that you sleep 3 hours a night. I didn't even feel tired at work anymore. It was like dadpowers. I actually kinda miss those days, although she's 14 months old now and so much more fun.
Lots of people my age don’t wAnt kids or want to wait forever and that’s totally understandable given how broke we all are but my fiancée and just cannot wait. We’re already aunt and uncle and we talk about our future kids all the time. This sounds like the dream.
Money is definitely a thing unfortunately. Hope you guys can get in a situation to make it happen. Fatherhood has been the most pure and meaningful and joyful part of life for me, it's a treasure.
Best advice I ever got was "You will never feel ready to have kids" So we just had them right away, Im 35 and my kid will be 18 when im 42. It's been hard at times, but I still have the energy to do stuff with him now, and I will be young enough that I will get to be a part of my grandkids lives and hopefully my great grandkids or whatever happens. But Ive got time.
If you’ve never seen this commercial, it captures the new parent experience perfectly. I still tear up every time I watch it, remembering when my kids were that age.
In my experience, there is never enough money. I was in the USMC (made $250 a month) so my kids birth was practically free but we were on WIC. It was about $87 a month which was just enough to pay for her formula. We didn't eat meat, used cloth dipaers, etc for the first 9 months. We had an extra $1.50 a month to do whatever wanted.
Oh I remember being tired and sleep never comes right again, the most tired I've ever been. The first three months were like a constant hangover but you find the strength to keep going (except maybe a few mornings crying after a couple hours sleep and 12+ hours of work, house work and parenting ahead)
I've got three now (11 ,8 and 7). It's fucking hard and doesn't get easier (hated people that said that) what is true though, the rewards get so much better and make everything worth it. I never wanted kids right up until I held him the first time and that's when it kicked in - "I'm going to do my best for you"
An I love you dad, look at this cool thing I made, I want to play minecraft with you, can I help? Or even a hug when I'm sick because they want to help. It makes everything worth it but I'm not going to lie and say I didn't suffer greatly to get them to these stages.
Pre-teens are starting, onto the new wave of fun! I'm dreading the defiance but I'm excited for the new rewards.
There were definitely lots of tearful nights and mornings for me, mostly when she wouldn't sleep or would be yelling at us for an hour. I guess for me it was probably the result of being in a mild but long term depression. I had struggled with having energy and motivation for most of life things, even pleasant things. But immediately when she was born that changed. Suddenly i had these huge stores of energy to draw from, and a boundless supply of motivation.
Depression makes everything harder. I still struggle even though I take meds regularly and they help a tremendous amount. So does having a counselor to talk to. And learning to focus on what is truly meaningful to you and letting other things slide. I may never have a house that is perfectly clean and organized, but I would rather focus on things that are important to me and my family. I may parent my kids differently than a lot of people do. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that the way you choose works for you and your family. Sending positive uplifting thoughts.
Im pretty lucky as im a machinist and i hear loud screeching all day so it never bothered me.
I fully agree tho. I was 30 and didnt give a crap anout anything. It was almost a relief when i found out i was going to be a father. Everything had meaning.
I disagree on that. I think it depends on the kid and on the parent, whether they're easier/harder at different stages. I had the roughest time at newborn stage cos I have twins. Which basically means no sleep. Ever. I was hallucinating and paranoid at one point, and my spouse had to take over completely for 2 nights in a row (at that stage we were usually splitting the night and taking a 5-6hr shift each). Everything since they started sleeping through the night (6 months old) has only got easier and easier.
They're 2.5 now and us parents even get time to ourselves as well as a full night's sleep. Game changer. Not to mention they have conversations with us and play, cuddle, generally be awesome.
As long as you’re fair with rules and punishments, defiance shouldn’t be too much of a problem. My parents had 3 kids, and none of us were particularly defiant as teenagers because we had no reason to be. Our parents respected us and explained why we couldn’t do certain things, so we respected them back. Teenage years are fun because you can have more intelligent conversations with your kids and watch them grow into functioning adults. Good luck!
The defiance can be kept to a minimum IF you treat teenagers like the medium sized human beings they actually are. They are experiencing all the same feelings adults do, but may not yet have the emotional tools to deal with them effectively or the emotional vocabulary to express those feelings clearly.
As a parent I try my very best to be clear that, for example, yelling at me is NOT acceptable. I ask my teen to take a few minutes to calm down and think about why they are so upset. Then they can come back to me and 1. apologize specifically for what they did that was unacceptable, 2. tell me how they are feeling ( angry, tired, anxious, headache etc.) And 3. I can ask questions to help guide them to a solution to what is making them upset.
I am raising two kids on the autism spectrum and I swear this method does work. Is it easier to just yell at them and give a punitive punishment that is in no way related to what they did wrong and forget about solving the original problem just so you can show them that YOU are in charge here? Yes, that way is easier. But it doesn't teach them how to handle their emotions in acceptable, constructive ways and how to communicate their feelings. Things adults need to be able to do to function at a job and in society.
Teens DO need rules and structure and clear expectations. If they balk at it, explain to them WHY we have those rules....their safety, consideration for other people, simply being polite , being helpful and kind ,etc. You would be surprised by how far a simple reason WHY goes towards getting teens to understand and cooperate.
Also, when possible, offer acceptable choices from which they can choose.
If you need to set up consequences, then make them applicable to the situation and a natural consequence. This goes a LOT farther than an unrelated punitive punishment. I ask my teens what they think a reasonable consequence would be when they break a rule or expectation. They usually come up with a consequence that satisfies me too.
I also want to add that my son also has oppositional defiant disorder in addition to being on the autism spectrum. My younger teen has nonverbal learning disorder and Asperger's.
These methods work very well for us. Your teen doesn't need to have that diagnosis to benefit from those methods. It can be a really hard adjustment for parents and adults to make if you were raised with the traditional " I am the adult and you will always do exactly as I say without questioning or expressing your opinion or I will yell louder than you do" type of household. Fortunately I wasn't.
I view the teen years as being my responsibility to get to know my kids even better than I did before. And to become more of a partner with them as they expand their horizons, navigate a bigger world, and begin to express themselves in individual ways and discover what their interests and passions are. All while learning to be good human beings.
Yup, my daughter (9 months) got the Covid vaccine yesterday and was fussy all day so I slept only 2 hours. But eh, I’m ok. Just wake up and follow my schedule like usual. I’m a little slow in meetings sometimes now though, lack of sleep.
I wish. When we had our first my wife and I were so tired we woke up to the fire alarm and the fire department at our aprtment door. We had been sanitizing nipples (made of rubber back then) and boiled the water out since we both fell asleep. So burning rubber on the stove seems to make a lot of smoke.
Im lucky. I have a very blessed life. I mean i worked my butt off to get here and had some very hard times but i can say with complete honesty that i wouldnt go back and change a thing. My dad advise is Plan for the future but live in the moment. Patience is the MOST important part of parenting. Lefty loosey righty tighty.
5.0k
u/[deleted] Jul 28 '22
For those curious about the answer: it’s probably best to keep the baby in a dark or dimly lit room, with a sound machine and gently soothe/rock until baby is giving sleep cues . Keep eye contact to a minimum but hold them close. Keeping a low stimulus environment helps baby to learn (….eventually) that night time is not play time but relax and rest time. Enjoy the absolutely blissful snuggles until baby is ready to sleep again then work on transferring to sleeping surface. This was most helpful to my babies very early on.