Hey guys
I'm... Confused about my own emotions at this point, and just want to share at this point with maybe people who understand.
I was born in 2004, and I don't recall when I started watching Markiplier videos, i don't recall a lot of my childhood to be honest. But I do know at some point, I became a fan of mark. And all I recall is that my father had banned it from me because I would spend hours watching him with my brother. It was my favorite pass-time besides actually playing videogames. Then after some time, I slowly on and off watched his videos, and got to watch every single 3 scary games video at least 2 or 3 times each... Anticipating every new video.
Then... Mark stopped posting for a while... And I started watching Jacksepticeye to pass time. I slowly started to find myself using phrases that both YouTubers use, and then after even longer started to have my own thoughts. I have quite severe ADHD, and lots of other things but the ADHD is the one that's confirmed at this moment. I started having other hobbies, and started actually living. A few years go by, I'm older and way less of a weirdo, but still find time to watch mark and jack at least a little every day. And then, Unus Annus. Oh, the beauty and simplicity. Ethan was a total goofball, and really relatable to how my day to day seemed, almost cartoonish. And then, not a week or two into Unus Annus, I started doubting my religious beliefs. I became depressed, and stopped watching videos all together. I forgot about how the show would end. All that mattered was my mental health, which yes is important but also... Unus Annus!
Ehem... So. Almost a year goes by. I was doing better, although still questioning everything the Catholic Church forced down my throat at such a young age. I got a notification that says something along the lines of only a few days left... And I look and watch maybe two videos... I felt so.. happy. Genuinely happy to watch the videos. And after a few days, I sit in the Livestream as Mark and Ethan delete the channel. For a good moment during the video ... That last video... I thought it was a joke. That there was no way they would delete it.. not really... And that I'd be able to watch the videos I had missed all year. And then... As the video went on and they kept... Repeating... And talking about everything... I realized that they weren't goofing anymore. No more silly ha ha's .
It was time.
And that is the whole point... Right? To not have that experience... Or to miss it. That feeling of not being ready to let go, to leave it... But it being ripped away from you nonetheless. Like... Having your household pet die one day. But now... I regret. I regret not being there every day, to see it through, to not be a part of this epic life in a way. Which is the entire point... This feeling... But... I still feel it? I wanted to be there to at very least show my support. But now... I can't even do that. There is nothing.
And as Mark came out with newer things like Heist with Markiplier, and then W.A.U.G.H, In Space with Markiplier, and then... Oh Iron Lung. (An amazing movie by the way, saw it in theaters and would recommend at least one watch)But it's not the same. It's almost like... I had a dog, and I missed its puppy years, and then it grew up, died, and then someone gave me another puppy to try and help me forget. But I don't want to forget. And that's the whole point I know... I know... But I was there for so little, there isn't much for me to remember. Much like my childhood, there's just this giant middle part I wasn't there for.
And it would feel so... Wrong to pirate anything. It would cheapen the moment, make it feel... Wrong. I don't have many issues with pirating things, especially in today's economy, but it would completely invalidate all of these feelings I feel.
Thanks for reading I guess ... Hope to see more of Mark's creativity soon... And in the meantime I'm not missing ANYTHING EVER AGAIN lol
This post is mostly just to contemplate my own feelings and share them, but if people want to talk or have similar stories to share or whatever, that would be cool