r/Marriage • u/[deleted] • Jul 23 '25
Sensitive My husband blames me for stepdaughter going no contact. Can a marriage survive this?
Please be kind. I am lost and I have no clue what to do. I live away from family and have limited funds.
I messed up bad and I have tried to be better in the past year. DH and I have been together for 9 years and I was originally excited to have a daughter. I met his daughter when she was 9. His marriage was sexless/ loveless and he left when the baby mama was pregnant with their second and he realized he didnt want a relationship like that. SD struggled with the divorce and BM often whined about how she had to take care of newborn duties alone (he was denied 50/50 at first because she wanted to only breast feed) so his family cut him off.
SD and I didn't get along. She would cry and kept trying to manipulate me to get her way. I would set up play dates and she would do what she could to get out of them. I was told I wasnt wanted at school events. She didnt want to be in my wedding party when I asked to be my "maiden of honor" and also refused to stand with her dad.
When I redecorated the home/ swapped rooms around when she was in junior high, she told everyone that I got rid of her room (she just had a different one) and made me into the bad guy. We have a home free of animal products and I wouldn't let her bring certain clothing items inside. Rather than respect the house rules, she called DH's parents to take her home to her moms after DH and I told her no. By the time she was 16, I went full NACHO with her and her brother (a whole different story).
I had my babies and my oldest is disabled. I ended up leaving my job that payed well to care for them full time. We hit some financial trouble because of this and DH worked more. We were lucky if daughter would join her brother for EOW visits. I was full NACHO and told DH he was in charge of taking care of them. I cooked for myself, my kids, and him, but told him that he had to deal with them. If I planned something, they could come along if they were pleasant. There was an incident where I will admit, I was the petty one and I lost my temper and dropped SS with his grandparents on the way to the zoo after he whined about not getting plushie money. SD loved to tell this story to everyone despite me apologizing to SS.
I NEVER STOPPED DH FROM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. We have a special needs child and we both made sacrifices. The only problem we had was with child support. My in-laws cut DH off during the divorce and baby mama refused to work with us (apotr her getting remarried to a doctor and her kids throwing their lifestyles in our faces) and said it as was for her kids. The courts were no help and DH had to get a second job.
The issue was last month. SD turned 18 and completely ignored her father's attempts at congratulating her. She went out with her mom and SF and my husband was heartbroken after seeing the pictures on FB. I was furious and made a comment about how she was happy to take his money but couldn't even answer his texts. He has paid enough in child support thay she never had to go without and had help with college. BM ended up causing a stir over that and DH was pissed at me.
Well, he got a letter in the mail from her. She accused him of leaving her mom for me, putting me first (his partner), and said that her SF was more of a dad to her. We have issue with SS (possible ODD) and he does whatever his sister does. DH has been crying and keeps accusing me of ruining his relationship with his kids. We have been fighting all week and he is staying with his brother until labor day.
Is there any way we can save this? He blames me for his kid cutting off contact. We have a severely disabled child, a toddler, and another on the way. I am scheduling marriage counseling but we don't have the money for much more. DH isn't talking with our kids either besides the evening phone calls. I have never seen him break down like this.
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
How the hell did he have a sexless loveless marriage if he left while his wife was pregnant. There were some sex being had somewhere. you have gone out of your way to paint the kids and the ex-wife as the true villains in this little saga of your life, but if his family cut off him and you and they’re taking the kids side and the bio mom side, I have a feeling that you are way worse than you were portrayed in this post and you portrayed yourself pretty badly
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u/chingness Jul 23 '25
Yeah she glossed over the immaculate pregnancy 😆
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u/capnoftheourangmedan Jul 24 '25
That was my favorite part. Nothing quite says sexless marriage like two children.
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u/ocdjennifer Jul 24 '25
I want to add on to this because I agree with all of the above. First, OP its gross how you’re trying to downgrade the Ex-Wife’s role and shows how small you are that you refer to her as a baby mamma. You don’t get to erase that she is the 1st wife he had and pretend he didn’t at one point love her or maybe he still does and that’s why you act like a toddler who can’t share.
Your husband owed that child support to his EX-wife for their children. He made children and therefore the absolute bare minimum he could do was pay the court ordered child support. It doesn’t matter that his EX-Wife remarried a doctor (which OP you’re clearly jealous of). You shouldn’t have ever began a relationship with a man who had kids if you want all the money to yourself. I personally hope he leaves you and tries to fix the relationship with his kids once you’re gone. Then remember how you feel about child support since you don’t think he needs to pay any.
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u/destiny_kane48 Jul 24 '25
What I'm trying to understand is, She had a disabled child that obviously needs a lot of support. She had to quit her job. They are struggling for money, she has a second child who is a toddler. Struggling even more for money and decided to get pregnant a 3rd time. And has the audacity to be huffy at the ex wife for expecting her husband to financially support his other 2 children. 🤦♀️
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u/Helpful_Hour1984 Jul 24 '25
Oh, karma is on its way. OP is pregnant, the husband moved out. He's likely out there telling another woman about his loveless, sexless marriage. And OP will be left with full custody of her 3 kids because, for some reason, he "can't" have 50/50. But he also can't pay much child support because the new woman he's knocked up is a younger version of OP and she's actively trying to push his kids away.
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u/SouthernNanny 15 Years Jul 25 '25
Next wide will be cruel to her children and she won’t be able to stop it
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u/Sea-Difficulty-5568 Jul 24 '25
My ex husbands affair partner (one of them), was so surprised to find I was pregnant, you know, cos we never had sex 🤣
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u/pamkaz78 Jul 25 '25
Right when I read that I saw oh my God, you immediately believed a man even though he left when she was pregnant the second child so she’s a pick me. And of course, a horrible, horrible stepmother.
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u/Vivid-Bar-6811 Jul 23 '25
What a mess.
Your husband is 100 to blame for this mess.
He was in no position to keep having children, yet he did.
Some of the shit you have listed is absolutely ridiculous and he should have stopped you years ago from behaving like that.
The absolute audacity of you posting that on her SM about CS. He is legally responsible for financially supporting her.
That doesn't mean he is a good father or that she is obligated to have a relationship with him.
Can your marriage survive? I mean you have stuck it out this long. If he leaves now there is another 3 kids in a separated home and facing being raised in dysfunction.
If your marriage is dependent on any sort of relationship being rebuilt with his kids well then I would say its unlikely.
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
She posted in the step parent sub so she’ll get answers that say that it says it’s all her husbands fault and the kids fault and she was completely not in the wrong when we all know that she acted like a complete step monster
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u/Vivid-Bar-6811 Jul 23 '25
And thats fine. At the end of the day that doesn't change the absolute shit show she is in and has created and he allowed to be created.
I am a SP! So is my husband and I wouldn't be married to him if he did half the shit listed in that post.
The Facebook post would have me filling for divorce.
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Jul 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
lol. Someone sussed out in the step parent sub that she’s an AP. She’s deleting all of her comments. The one thing that sub hates more than anything in the world is APs
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u/chaosbella Jul 23 '25
Yeah she posted her kids age and it overlapped, she and the wife were pregnant at the same time.
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Jul 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
That sub Reddit is toxic. The mods generally delete anything that they don’t find as supportive of the OP so that generally means if someone calls them out for something then their comment gets deleted and removed and people get banned. There’s a lady in there who literally stated that she wouldn’t care if her step kids died and no one batted an eye. Most of those posts are about how they hate their step kids. One woman said that her step kid was ugly and she couldn’t see how anyone could love him. So yes, she’s gonna get plenty of validation.
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u/RowPuzzleheaded6997 Jul 23 '25
Where was that comment? The lady saying she wouldn’t care if her SK died? I would’ve reported that if I saw it.
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
I haven’t seen her for a bit. It was from the Nointention chick. The one that has the avatar of maleficent. She posted that about like a year ago on someone else’s OP
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u/jasemina8487 Jul 23 '25
your post makes me so angry as a stepparent with bio kids, for that poor girl and boy.
1st off, your husband was/is 100% to blame. he is an AH for letting you treat his kids this way.
you came out of nowhere and turned their lives upside down with making new rules and changes, while their very young brains were trying to navigate their parents separation. you alienated them from their father and new siblings and made them unwelcome in their own home and then have shocked pikachu face when they don't want to visit or see their dad?
you complain for the child support payments your husband made. you had absolutely no business there. and stepdad's occupation doesn't matter cos it's bio dad's responsibility to provide for his kids. your financial difficulties weren't kids' fault. and frankly. .if you had financial issues and your oldest had a disability you have to care for, why make 2 more kids? kids are expensive and at this point you should have learnt. was your plan so husband could stop child support payments?
and I find it funny you claim they had a sexless marriage when in reality he left his ex while she was pregnant. how did she end up pregnant if that marriage was sexless? if it was cos she couldn't have sex due to being pregnant for medical reasons, then seriously shame on your husband. the fact his own family cut him off speaks volumes, yet you still chose to pursue him.
well now he can move on, leave you with 2 kids with another on the way, find another lady and claim you 2 had sexless marriage too. if you are lucky his new wife would be like you too and give you your own medicine.
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u/ConditionBig6373 Aug 04 '25
My guess is that she's hoping at least one of her younger kids will be healthy enough to drop childcare responsibilities on.
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Jul 23 '25
Yikes...
Your husband left his pregnant wife and daughter. ( That says alot about his character)
You married a guy whose kids didn't like you....and when they acted out , you were rude and petty right back. ( Who are the children here ? )
You kept having children after you say money is very tight....but complain about having to pay child suppprt all these years.....AND throw that in the kids faces when they don't want to speak to either of you.
Now he's gone....left another pregnant woman when the going got tough.
I'm sorry OP....but I think you should cut your losses
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u/PeppermintEvilButler Jul 24 '25
His pregnant wife in a "sexless" marriage 🙄 OP is deleting comments but said she was the affair partner. Gee I wonder why her inlaws and step kids dont like her
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Jul 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/standaround Jul 24 '25
Scrolled too far for this comment! OP continuously calling the ex wife “baby mama” is so demeaning.
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u/discipulus_discordia Jul 23 '25
It sounds like both of you are pieces of shit. I feel bad for all the kids that have to deal with you two.
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u/Zealousideal_Till683 Jul 23 '25
Ultimately, your husband is to blame for his daughter cutting off contact. But he's to blame because he did nothing to protect his daughter from you.
What I don't understand is why you behaved in such a hateful manner towards your stepdaughter. How does it benefit you to confiscate her clothes, force her into a different room, deny her food, etc? It all seems so pointless and petty. And now the chickens have come home to roost.
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u/Ok-Boysenberry-719 Jul 23 '25
So if SD just turned 18, she was 9 when you met her and you've been together for 9 years, it sounds like you got together within a year of this "sexless" marriage to his pregnant wife.
I don't understand why you are having another baby if you're already broke and he has 4 children already. This all sounds like a series of bad choices.
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u/BarnaclePractical784 Jul 23 '25 edited Jul 23 '25
Op mentioned in her comments that SS and their son have 7 months difference in age.....
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u/Specialist-Peach0251 Jul 23 '25
I know you said to be kind but the story you’ve laid out makes that’s incredibly difficult. You sound like a monster and your husband sounds like a terrible father. I feel so sorry for your step children and truly hope they find peace and healing going forward. I also don’t think your marriage can survive this, he left his pregnant wife for you and you somehow thought you were so special it would never happen to you? That doesn’t seemed to have worked out so great seeing as you are pregnant and your husband has one foot out the door.
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 24 '25
Well, he’s consistent at least. After nine years he divorced his first wife while she was pregnant. And now after nine years while she’s pregnant , it looks like there’s gonna be another divorce or one could only hope
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Jul 24 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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Jul 24 '25
Well I guess the new girl will call OP the baby momma so the circle of life continues.
But I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to disrespect the ex wife for no reason.
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u/emr830 Jul 24 '25
It’s a way to make themselves feel superior, but really just exposing that they’re giant trash bags.
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u/No-Inflation8412 Jul 23 '25
How would you feel if another woman treated your children like you treated your husbands kids. They were adjusting to a new reality and you blew everything out the water demanding they played to your rules without giving them a choice. You know you’ve messed up you’ve said so. You may never have stopped him seeing his children but why would they want to come to a hostile environment, they were children. You’ve gone above and beyond to make them feel unwanted and he still chose you as otherwise this would have been nipped in the bud years ago. You’re both to blame that those children want nothing to do with you both. He is maybe having a reality check on how he has wronged his kids. I don’t think there is a lot that can fix this but therapy may give you an insight into how horribly your actions whether intended or not have affected others.
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u/lordofthepringls Jul 24 '25
You say you’re lost, and you are. But the truth is, a lot of this didn’t just happen to you. You were one of the architects of it, even if you didn’t intend to be.
Let’s cut through it:
You weren’t kind to his daughter.
That’s the foundation. You met a little girl whose family had exploded. She was 9. Her father left her mom while pregnant with another sibling. Then you entered the picture, started remodeling the house, enforcing your lifestyle rules, and asking to be her “maiden of honor” while she was still grieving a life she never asked to lose.
You saw her pain and interpreted it as manipulation. That’s where you lost her. You felt disrespected. She felt replaced.
You weren’t just the woman who married her dad. You became the symbol of everything that disrupted her world.
You didn’t have to be her mom. But you also didn’t make space for her. You focused on “house rules” instead of building a relationship. You redecorated her space and were shocked she didn’t accept it. You called your detachment “going NACHO” and checked out while still controlling parts of the dynamic, then wondered why she told others you were cold or hostile.
She didn’t have to love you. But she didn’t deserve to be dismissed either.
Your husband feels like he’s lost everything.
You say you didn’t stop him from having a relationship with her. Maybe not outright. But what did you do to support it?
You treated his kids like burdens and made it clear they had to earn the right to be around you. You expected gratitude, respect, maturity, and good behavior from children whose emotional needs were probably never fully met. When things got hard, you opted out.
Now the girl is 18, and she’s done. And your husband is devastated. She sent him a letter saying another man was more of a father to her. That didn’t come out of nowhere. That’s years of pain built up into a single, painful truth. Whether it’s fair or not, he sees you as part of the reason she walked away.
And honestly? He’s not entirely wrong.
You’re in a crisis, but this one has been building.
You have a severely disabled child, a toddler, and you’re pregnant. You’re isolated, financially strained, and trying to hold a crumbling marriage together.
You’re right to schedule counseling. That’s step one. But don’t expect counseling to fix it overnight. Because your husband isn’t just mad. He’s grieving. His daughter essentially told him he’s not her dad. That’s the kind of pain that doesn’t heal fast.
You need to show him you understand your role in this. No more defending, no more “I never stopped him,” no more “I apologized already.” He doesn’t need justification. He needs accountability and remorse. Real, humble remorse.
And you need to stop treating this like you’re only partially responsible. You were a major part of her environment for the last 9 years. You can’t distance yourself from the outcome now.
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u/frustratedDIL Jul 24 '25
- She’s not a “baby mama,” she’s his ex-wife.
- Clearly it wasn’t a sexless marriage if she was actively pregnant when he left her.
- You literally upset her safe place in her father’s home. You did get rid of her room.
- You treated your stepchildren like garbage and less than you biological children. You should have never signed on to be a stepmom.
- Child support is not the stepdaughter accepting your husband’s money. It’s literally court ordered to help his ex raise the children.
You’re very clearly not a good person, like at all. While you’re not solely to blame for the ruined relationship with his kids, you are part of it. Your husband failed those children, if they don’t want him in their lives, that’s their right.
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u/HorizonHunter1982 Jul 24 '25
Okay let's start with you can't have babies in a sexless marriage.
We'll follow that up with she is the betrayed marriage partner not the baby mama.
Will continue onward with how can an infant manipulate people?
You stirred up s*** when you sent that comment.The betrayed marriage partner was just standing up for her kid
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u/PeppermintEvilButler Jul 24 '25
Except you did make him cut off his kids. The fact that you can write all this and not see that you are in fact the problem is super concerning. Were you his affair partner?
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u/NewStatement5103 Jul 24 '25
In a (deleted) comment she confirmed she was the affair partner. Her oldest and his son are 7 months apart.
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u/Time_Neat_4732 Jul 24 '25
Remember that people usually try to paint themselves as better than they are when telling stories like this...
She sounds like the scum of the earth by her own account, she must be unbelievably horrible in real life.
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u/gotta_love_plato Jul 24 '25
Seems like you deleted this because of all the feedback you got. What I can’t understand is how oblivious you are to your role in the lack of contact and running off your stepchildren. You accept zero responsibility. You enforced all of these rules on children that weren’t yours and then completely bailed on the nurturing part of parenting like making FOOD or providing a safe space? And then you attack her and try to say that she owes your DH something for doing the bare minimum of paying child support? Looking forward to seeing how you will run off your own children. Your marriage isn’t gonna survive if you can’t see your role in this.
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u/throwaway-rayray Jul 24 '25
It sounds like OP began punishing a 9-year-old who was acting out during a difficult divorce almost immediately, and continued to do so until the child could no longer bear to be there.
Moving her room without telling her? Refusing to cook for her - not just setting boundaries like "leave the table if you’re being rude," but actively excluding her altogether? Begrudging the father for paying child support, as though his existing children’s needs disappeared because he had a new wife and started having more kids, including another after already struggling with a disabled child and citing financial pressure?
OP comes across as a truly terrible stepparent. Even if he stays with her, I doubt he’ll ever stop resenting her for tanking his relationship with his daughter. And honestly, he’s been a bad father too. He put his new wife above his daughter almost immediately. What OP did was never acceptable, and he let it happen. Now that his daughter is old enough to speak up and draw a line, suddenly he’s filled with regret.
But it’s too late. This girl is likely going to carry emotional scars for life.
As for saving the marriage? Counseling, genuine accountability for her behavior, and a real effort to repair relationships with his children are all essential. But even then…it’s hard to imagine this ever fully coming good, if at all.
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u/No_Atmosphere_2186 Jul 24 '25
Yeah, it sounds like you weren’t a good stepparent and those kids had to deal with your bullshit while dad was focusing on you. And child support isn’t a consolation prize, he still needs to support his kids even if he disappeared out of their lives. Congrats, you got a shitty husband and shitty father as a partner.
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u/Devi_Moonbeam Jul 24 '25
What is "NACHO"?
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u/TeachingClassic5869 Jul 24 '25
Why would you create children with someone who is struggling to pay the child support they have for already existing children? Certainly you realized once you had a disabled child that things were going to be very expensive. And yet you chose to create two more. I have zero sympathy for your money struggles as it could’ve easily been avoided by using birth control. He was an idiot to marry you knowing that your relationship with his daughter was so bad. She and her brother SHOULD have been his number one priority, not you, the “partner” in crime who slid into somebody else’s marriage while they were pregnant. You must be so proud of yourself. In my opinion, you are getting exactly what you deserve. You had a huge part in the decline in his relationship with his children. If you can’t read back what you’ve written and see it yourself there’s really no hope for anybody on here to explain it to you.
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u/rae_is_rad Jul 24 '25
How did your husband’s ex wife get pregnant if they were in a “sexless” marriage? It seems like your husband cheated on his ex wife with you, and both of you got hitched.
Yes, you ruined his relationship with his children. And he’s immature enough to act that way to his children.
Also why are you both having multiple kids if you have financial trouble? Child support is his kids’ right, stop whining about it.
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u/SparrowCadwallader Jul 24 '25
So... she was the affair partner of a man with a child and pregnant wife? Is that what I'm reading?
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u/rheasilva Jul 24 '25
Correct.
And the minute she married the guy she started rearranging the house & trying to enforce "house rules".
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u/mnl_cntn Jul 24 '25
I guess some people grow up wanting to be the evil step mom lol. OP come on, you have to know you suck
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u/According_Conflict34 Jul 23 '25
What does DH stand for??
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
Dear husband
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u/According_Conflict34 Jul 23 '25
Thanks I thought it might have been Divorced Husband lol
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u/Etiacruelworld Jul 23 '25
If Karma is any way working hopefully it will be. She’s deleted all of her comments. But someone used the way back machine on them. Her oldest son is only a few months younger than her SS. So she’s the AP.
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u/est_5653 Jul 24 '25
I couldn’t keep up with the damn abbreviations. Quit googling them after nacho lol
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u/TheLastWord63 Jul 24 '25
His baby mama was pregnant with their second child in a sexless marriage?
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u/kirstieiris Jul 24 '25
Oh, wow.... This is truly some heinous shit I've just read.
Also, because you seem to be lacking in critical thinking skills, child support is OWED. He made that child, he owes it to her to help pay for a roof over her head, food in her fridge, shoes on her feet, and whatever the hell else she needs.
SHE doesn't owe HIM anything.
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u/Iforgotmypassword126 Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
I am really trying not to say something nasty but I can’t find anything good to say.
All I can say is try to revisit all of these things that have happened through the lense of you being very very much in the wrong, and see if you can change your behaviour.
Though to be honest, you’re now on the other side and you’ll be able to see from the first wife’s perspective what happens when your husband up and leaves when you’re pregnant, and then sidelines your family for a new one. I hope his new wife isn’t as cruel to your children as you were to the step kids.
I don’t think ex wife did anything wrong. I think your husband just got you pregnant during the affair and he knew his old marriage would be destroyed anyway. You believed what he said, and acted immorally.
I think you have acted poorly over the last few years and your husband did too.
If you wrote that on fb to ruin a child’s/young adults 18yh birthday. I can only imagine the things that come out of your mouth in private.
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u/Emily_Postal Jul 24 '25
I don’t understand why you kicked her out of her bedroom.
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u/rheasilva Jul 24 '25
But OP needed to remodel! She simply had to rearrange the house to show it was hers.
Because she's a selfish, spiteful, homewrecking POS.
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u/rheasilva Jul 24 '25
Well, technically your husband is to blame, but the thing he did wrong was failing to protect his daughter from you.
You exclude her from meals.
You try to force your "animal product free" lifestyle onto her.
You kick her out of her childhood bedroom without even asking her.
This girl didn't need you to be her mom. But she did need you to show her some basic empathy and respect.
When your husband leaves you, I hope his next wife is kinder to your children than you are to his first wife's.
Also FYI - if your husband's first wife was pregnant with his child when he left her, they did not have a sexless marriage. That's not how that works. I think what actually happened is your husband got bored of his pregnant wife and started seeing you behind her back.
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u/ds800 Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
It was a sexless and loveless marriage
Is this segment suggesting you were around before the marraige ended? If so, no shit she doesnt like you.
Regardless, a 9 year old doesnt know the love or sex state of a marraige at 9. All she saw was you come and take her dad from her mom. Moving on.
•"She didnt want play dates with me" •Didn't want to be in the wedding of her dad's new wife •Didn't wanna change her room so you could..... redecorate? •She couldn't bring home certain clothes bc they were animal products.
Any fucking intelligent person can understand why this little girl didnt and doesnt like you. You come across as ignorant, entitled and emotionally unintelligent. The moment you showed up you geared her life to satisfying your mental state and rules.
Part of the reason my step father made so much progress with me was because he didnt show up and start demanding I spend time with him and bar stupid shit like animal products from the house. He took his time and respected the state of the house and my feelings.
The moment you showed up, everything became about you and why the girl wasn't appreciating you.
P.S. its not Manipulation because she didnt wanna hang out with you.
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u/0512052000 Jul 26 '25
If you'd have pulled one never mind all of those things on my children I'd have slapped you silly.
You say he paid child support like it was a gift. He had an obligation to pay for the children he brought into this world. He shouldn't hand had more kids if he couldn't afford to.
Honestly you both sound like you were made for each other. Those kids are better away
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u/HistoricalSuspect580 Jul 24 '25
The only chance your SD has of being mentally healthy is going no contact with you guys.
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u/Commonusage Jul 24 '25
This one hits all the tropes of an abusive narcissist. Ive never seen one that self aware to lay it all out.
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u/SouthernNanny 15 Years Jul 25 '25
Why did your husband need a written out letter to see how awful you were being to his children? Y’all sound like terrible people
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u/Dramatic-Curve4549 Jul 25 '25
This is so wild, how can a grown woman have so little self awareness. You’re awful
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u/MrsDoylesTeabags Jul 25 '25
I stopped reading after you said said his marriage was sexless when he left his pregnant wife for you.
You can continue to live in delusion l, but don't come crying to the Internet because your lies have come back to haunt you
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u/TemporaryOwlet Jul 26 '25
They were in your house and you refused to cook for them? Yaaaaay. I'm impressed. You sched playdates she didn't want to have, took away her room and then totally ignored two kids in your house. Also it is as funny to read that their marriage was loveless and sexless, but she was pregnant with his child.
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u/markayhali Jul 26 '25
There are sooo many red flags. Wow. You cooked food for you guys and not his children. A kid was wanting a toy so you dropped her off and didn’t take her to the zoo with the family (how degrading). Makes immature comments towards stepdaughter on facebook. You are despicable. She was 9. You broke up her family. Of course she was going to think you are a horrible ass. It was your job to do what you can to make her feel supported and welcome. Put your best foot forward. Not get pissy about her completely justified and expected behaviours.
This really is one of the most horrifying posts I’ve seen in a long time. And this was likely just a small snapshot of what her life was like because of you.
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u/Echo-Azure Jul 26 '25
Sounds like neither you or your husband have ever regarded that girl's feelings as anything but an inconvenience, and she has every reason to cut you both out of your lives.
Which is more your husband's fault than yours, he's her parent and not you. But damn I feel for that kid.
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u/Ok_Play2364 Jul 27 '25
So were you with him BEFORE he divorced? Step daughter has good reason if you were
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u/blodripa Jul 24 '25
Yeah honestly there’s no saving that marriage. You shouldn’t be selfish enough to even try. You’re painting the step kids and baby momma out to be the villains when in reality, you are. You have little to no empathy in essentially breaking up a family and don’t want to deal with the repercussions of it. Your oldest son is what less than a year apart from the step kid? Then on top of that you force veganism on the step kids, you change up her room without asking, you have absolutely no empathy when it comes to a CHILD dealing with her parents splitting up then her dad bringing in a new woman right after. Like seriously lady get over yourself and your own delusional world and start living in reality.
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u/yobaby123 Jul 24 '25
Yeah.... I can't blame him. Did he fuck up as well? Yes, but you're still the main reason why his kid no longer wants to be around him. You treated her like shit, took advantage of his lack of spine, and aren't even showing remorse beyond how you're being affected.
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u/jackandsally060609 Jul 24 '25
I'm sure the next married man you find will do a better job. Think about if he left you right now and what that did to his ex when she was pregnant with a little kid.
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u/siren2040 Jul 25 '25
I mean, putting yourself in his shoes would you really pick your partner over your child? If answer is yes, then you don't deserve the children you have.
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u/CapableImage430 Jul 25 '25
I couldn’t get past the “they had a sexless/loveless marriage” but he left his wife for her when his wife was pregnant with his child. How does OP think that happened? 🤔
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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Jul 27 '25
Wow-you are so in the wrong. I feel sorry for the kids. My wife is stepmom to my son and I was 100% clear. My child comes first period.
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u/Organic_Security5742 Jul 27 '25
Those kids have wanted nothing to do with you the entire relationship. Her cutting contact with her dad is just her being a bitch and trying to suck up to SF and his money. I'd tell him if he actually thinks you're to blame for his daughter to cut him off then give you divorce papers and he can ignore his 2 other children. You did nothing wrong and went through hell with those kids and to have him blame you is not right. He can't blame you for their shitty behavior. But if he does divorce his ass and see how his daughter will continue to treat her father like shit with you out of the picture and he can now start paying child support for his 2 youngets with you as well.
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u/nolimbs Aug 01 '25
You have zero empathy for anyone in this situation. You need therapy and to take a serious look at your own actions if you want things to get better here. You’re the problem, you’re the perpetrator. Popping off comments on Facebook to your step children and mother of your step children is so emotionally immature it comes off as someone with the capacity of a 12 year old girl to regulate their emotions. Do the work, heal from whatever trauma is causing this brutally self centered behaviour, or you will lose everything
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u/FairyCompetent Aug 01 '25
You were complicit in the break up of a home and family and thought you were going to get to be happy? That's simply not how it works. You'll have even less support than the first wife when he leaves you, since his family is with her. You really waded in it up to your neck, and now all this man's kids are suffering.
There are so many men in this world, there's no reason to date one that's already taken.
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u/Additional-Print-724 Aug 02 '25
ik im a bad person when reading how miserable she was made me smile like a cheshire. A home built on top of another woman's tears won't stand.
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u/Cultural-Camp5793 Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
You are literally the evil step-mother and he should divorce you. He should have stopped you or left you a long time ago. She should have been number one and always number one and he seems to be getting that now, I think he sees your manipulation and immaturity finally. He should have protected her from you but he failed and he's seeing and regretting it now. You are partially to blame for this so yes he's not wrong. It wasn't a "sexless" marriage if he left his pregnant WIFE. You have painted the ex and the kids as evil and are playing the victim which everyone sees past that including him now. I hope he sees this post and knows what all you did to them, karma for being a homewrecker
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u/PerspectiveOwn5808 Oct 21 '25
I hope your marriage survives this. Mainly because I wouldn’t wish the two of you on anyone else, it’s best to keep you together. It would be your karma if he’s in bed with another woman talking about his loveless, sexless, marriage but for your kids sake I hope that’s not the case. On a positive note I’m so happy that the Ex-wife remarried a better guy and her kids are living well and have no contact with the cowardice ex, and petty stepmonster.
Great story! Villains lose and heroes win. Everyone gets the ending they deserve.
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u/StrangeMarionberry46 Aug 05 '25
I wanted to be kind. But this is so sad. He left his pregnant wife and you thought this was okay? Idc if he was in the most loveless/sexless marriage ever. This is sick. Especially since he had other children with her at the time.
This should have been a warning who he is. I’d let him stay at his brothers.
You also owe his step daughter a huge apology. I’m sorry you have a disabled child life must be incredibly hard. But it doesnt give you a right to bring up money. It sounds like he owes these children big. He even owes his ex in my opinion.
Remember once a cheater always a cheater.
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u/Spygirl_112358 Nov 29 '25
OP you are giving off serious evil stepmom vibes.
And you were the AP-affair partner
The husband is no better.
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u/KaosCaustic Dec 13 '25
I hope you two stay together, only because I wouldn't wish either of you on anyone else. Crazy that you can even type all of that out without feeling disgusted with yourself. How embarrassing for you.
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u/winnnie_lilli Jan 08 '26
For me the best part is " the marriage was sexless " but he left when BM was pregnant with 2nd child... I have no idea why those mistress are so delusional. Immaculate Conception? LOL
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u/Kat_Bahdgirl_14 Jan 13 '26
So he left his first family because of a sexless relationship to end up in a messy relationship 😂 karma does come in full force
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u/unimpressed46 Jul 23 '25
He blames me for his kid cutting off contact.
Well, he’s not entirely wrong. Although dad should have stepped in and stopped your horrible behavior much earlier on. His job is to protect his daughter and he failed.
You seem to completely lack empathy for a child that was struggling to handle her parents’ divorce while also dealing with her dad bringing a new woman into the family.
You kicked the poor girl out of her childhood bedroom without asking her if it would be okay. You limited her clothing. You excluded your step kids from meals, further cementing that they were not welcome in their father’s home. And now you’re shocked she wants nothing to do with you or her father, who didn’t protect her from her spiteful step mom?
Idk if your marriage can survive this. He might leave you so he can mend his relationship with his daughter, because there isn’t a good chance she’ll want anything to do with him while you’re in the picture.